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talkingtomyselfblog · 6 years

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mourning journal 3

Agh! My apple AirPods ran out of charge! A new challenge I will need to be mindful of I guess. Here we go with another stream of consciousness. i watched the new cartia mallan vlog this morning and i am just so obsessed with HER-- like her aura, her style, her humor, her love for adventure, she has such amazing vibes. keep typing sheila keep typing you just arent getting into this like you thought you would you just need to keep typing. im going to yoga today! which will be fun. im wearing heals today that might be uncomfortable we’ll see. ive been thinking lately about love, in like a lonely way lol. idk. i want to feel it. im at home and dont feel love like i think others feel it. i dont feel comfortable at home. at least, not fully. and idk. i want a companion. but like, i havent felt anything close to that in a while. sometimes i think about my ny guy but i convince myself he never thinks about me. i guess this is all my doing though. lets rewrite that. i bet my ny guy thinks about me. hes probably sad the moments gone like i am. and i do feel love at home. its unique and im lucky enough to experience it. i am grateful. i am grateful for the trees which give us so mcuh. im thankful for the opportunity i have to work in san francisco. I am grateful for my parents who love me so much they dont know how to handle it. i am grateful for my brother who tries his best. i am grateful for my introspection. i am grateful for the bart, which is saving me all the gas money. im thanksful for the friends i do have. im grateful for all the love i recieve. im thankful for nature for giving me so much love and comfort and beauty. so ive been thinking about looking more into wicca. idk it just kind of feels right to me.... like a religion worshipping nature feels safe to me. and it embodies all ive been thinking about lately, with my facination with tarot cards and crystals and yoga...idk it came to me and it makes sense. i appreciate this time ive been given to be alone because it has forced me to look at what i love and what facinates me. i can say i have a hobby and passions which was missing . before. so i hope to really go al in and doing the necessary research to feel comfortable with it all. i want to really know astrology and i want to be able to confidently give a tarot card reading and i want to know when to use what crystal and talk about them to other people with ease. i hope really diving into the things i love will help me meet someone who i vibe with. because i do love myself dont get me wrong...but i wanna experience life with someone else. not just anyone. but having company sounds nice. ugh i was about to stop tyoing but realized im not even car sick thank god so i should keep going! work has been good. stressful but good. i hope i make friends soon. but i also dont want to rush it. idk. i guess i am really fucking lonely man. i still think about the friends ive left behind and am really fucking proud of my strength because why interact with people that probably arent thinking the same thing abut you and probably dont think about you nearly as often as you think about them (hence the reason you broke up with them in the first place) im so sick of the toxicity i jsut want to meet someone where its so easy to get along and we just mesh and understand each other and i dont care who it is i dont need a romantic partner i just need a partner and if its romantic or sexual then thats a bonus but i dont want to be closed off to any ideas. i also think about how no one in the family who is under 32 is talking to me. makes me feel like im, diffoicult to get along with, or i really get under peoples skin. and it really hurts when its familty. becaue they are suposed to love you for who you are, unconditionally. but not even the americans are cabable of doing that. its really sad and i dont htink theres much i can do about it cause its their problem. im great. and if you dont want me. thats your loss. its your loss. im fantastic. im funny, im clever, im introspectiive and philolo[hical so can hold a great conversation. im pretty, im fun, im always down to try new things. i am cabable of loving so har.d im a catch. i know why peoiple have an . issue and its just because we edont work out rightn now in our lives. things will work out when they work out and i just need to be patient and take things as they come. stop dwelling in the past stop thinking about the future just focus on the now. how do i feel right now? im a bit tired but ready for the day. im so grateful for this seat i was able to find on bart. im grateful for this opportnity to write my thoughts down. and im so happy i stuck with it because this felt good :) omg someones storing behind me LOL. things i want to manifest this year are moving out and going to columbia to visit yvonne. thats all i would liek to manifest. and i missed the eclipse and im so sad about that. i want to meet more people into this stuff to maybe help me remenber important dates like that. nbuut i alwso want to be able oto remember on my own. i just need to keep reading sheila. you need to jeep reading because you are more than capable of becoming comfrotabel with this knowledge on your own. i know youve alwasy taken the easy way and not help as much responsibility when it comes to learning probably due sto insecurity and your inferiority complex given to you through emotional abuse in your household. but you can do it. especially now. because you are so grwon and have really learned from so much that has happened. im so freaking proud of you. IM SO FREAKING PROUD OF YOU SHEILA!1!! you have gone through so much and i know it. i see it. i see you, and i love you.

#mourningjournal3

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operativehq · 6 years

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after almost twenty four hours after the submit has closed and 11+ hours of reading applications and making painstaking decisions, the long-awaited acceptance post has come. i’d sincerely thank every single applicant for applying because i really don’t lie when i say that i read through every single app and had to make some very tough decisions, some that hurt my heart because almost every app came neck and neck with each other. this entire experience has been surreal -- i never expected for my plot idea to take off so incredibly and for such kind words to be said about it. i definitely did not anticipate 43 apps to end up in my inbox and to have such dedicated and patient applicants. thank you so much to everyone who’s been a part of this experience already, i really, really can’t say it enough or articulate it well.

to people who are not accepted -- i really mean it when i say that i wish i could accept everyone. every single app went beyond my expectations, and if you weren’t accepted it is NOT a testament to your writing abilities or anything personal. having to pick ONE person out of so many apps, or ELEVEN out of FORTY-THREE ?? it’s nearly impossible. it breaks my heart to not be able to accept THIRTY-TWO apps that were so beautiful. i strongly encourage people who weren’t accepted to keep an eye on this rp in case any openings or expansions occur in the future, because i’d really love to have people reapply. i wish i could type with the conviction and passion that i’m feeling right now when i say that every app blew me out of the water, but now i’m repeating myself over and over again. ( if anyone would like feedback on their app or for me to send their app back to them, please let me know over the course of this week. )

with that said, under the cut are the eleven accepted applicants. please send in your accounts within TWENTY-FOUR HOURS and be sure to check out the CHECKLIST as well as the inbox of your character blog once you send in your account so i can send invites to the ooc discord chat !!

CONGRATULATIONS LAURA ! YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED ACCESS TO THE FILE OF AGENT AURUM, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS MALCOLM WEBB ( REECE KING ).

holy crap, laura !! your writing is amazing !! you really made malcolm come alive, with everything from your edits to your stunning biography and description of his personality. my heart really hurt for malcolm while i was reading about his background and you really provided so much depth behind the surface-level rich kid. you displayed his vulnerabilities and desires incredibly well. also, i love how you even added depth to the way his skills ?? thank you so, so much for applying, love, and welcome !!

CONGRATULATIONS EMILY ! YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED ACCESS TO THE FILE OF AGENT CRIMSON, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS RAFAEL BOLÍVAR ( TYLER POSEY ).

emily -- can we talk about the way you write for a sec ?? it’s absolutely phenomenal. you took a darker twist to crimson than i could have imagined and i loved every second of it. your backstory for him is incredibly unique to me and i’m so excited to work with his narrative throughout the rp !! beyond that, you really know your character well !! i was blown away by your para samples -- the way you wrote his connection with nikolai and also that drabble about him and tony ?? you have such a knack in your writing to be able to sympathize with your muses, like oh my god. i’m so glad you applied and i can’t wait to see how you develop rafe !!

CONGRATULATIONS CHRISTINA ! YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED ACCESS TO THE FILE OF AGENT CYGNUS, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS RHYSAND ATTWOOD ( HARRY STYLES ).

you truly went above and beyond, christina, and i am honestly so glad you came out of retirement from the rpc to apply !! the cygnus competition was so, so tough, but i kept coming back to your application. not only is your writing incredible, every facet of your application was so detailed it was clear that you had an understanding of rhys !! the thing that completely sold me was that you wrote about every connection rhys would have and how rhys would act and that was so great to see !! i also loved your twist on rhys & odessa’s connection ?? i also love his potential development and the way you tied his story into the plot !! i can’t wait to write with you, love, welcome to operative !!

CONGRATULATIONS TERESA ! YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED ACCESS TO THE FILE OF AGENT HAWTHORN, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS CALLIOPE MAXWELL ( CARTIA MALLAN ).

my goodness, i absolutely loved your app, teresa !! it was so unique and i loved how you showed how much depth callie had and the development that she has gone through and will continue to go through. i just loved the twist on her backstory and how she didn’t start off too kind ?? you made the skeleton of hawthorn three-dimensional and complex !! also, your ideas for her goal and how to extend it into a plot in the future was so creative and intriguing, i can’t wait to explore it more with you, love !! also, the liberties you took with your para sample absolutely paid off !! i loved seeing callie’s perspective on the provided connections. welcome, teresa !!

CONGRATULATIONS JULIE ! YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED ACCESS TO THE FILE OF AGENT HYALUS, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS DANAË BAUTISTA ( CLEO LAZULI ).

hyalus was another tough decision, but julie, i absolutely loved your take on hyalus. not only did the memes and vines make me laugh out loud, but you gave such a fresh perspective on our resident hacker. just the aspects ( and perhaps irony ) of her father’s condition made me incredibly sad, but it provided a ton of depth to danaë ?? and i loved the fact that you gave her the label ‘ the icarus ’, the way you explained it made me love danaë even more !! also, your research for the role literally had me with my mouth open while i was going through your app ?? and the fact that you included a family tree / timeline ?? your dedication is unreal. thank you so much for applying and i can’t wait to see danaë on the dash !!

CONGRATULATIONS RHINE ! YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED ACCESS TO THE FILE OF AGENT MERCURY, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS LYSANDER SEO ( LEE JONG SUK ).

the competition for mercury was probably one of the toughest -- every single app i read for that role was filled with so much effort and talent, that i kept going back and forth between so many. but rhine -- i strongly believe that you have an ability to paint with words. as i kept reading, i was just swept away by your writing ability ?? every single sentence was like a masterpiece !! and the way you wrote lys and his backstory was something i’ve never really seen before, and the amount of research you put into it was amazing !! while i was reading it all, i was internally screaming out of astonishment for your writing and sorrow for lys. he has so much depth and you understand him so well !! i cannot wait to see you play lysander on the dash and in events !!

CONGRATULATIONS EL ! YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED ACCESS TO THE FILE OF AGENT NOX, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS KINGSLEY LIM ( BANG YONGGUK ).

el, el, el !! your writing is insanely beautiful and by the end of your app, i felt like i understood king extremely well. his backstory had me crying and i loved the way you made nikolai a tether for king. also that pinterest ?? organized from head to toe had me already screaming, but then your explanation for each color and what it meant... it had me on the floor, quite honestly. your understanding of king and the very dark take on nox’s skeleton was stunning to read !! and those last two lines of his bio ?? had me weeping. in any case, i can’t wait to see kingsley develop here and welcome to the rp !!

CONGRATULATIONS GUBSE ! YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED ACCESS TO THE FILE OF AGENT OPHIDIAN, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS OLIVER KNIGHTLEY ( XAVIER SERRANO ).

goodness, the depth you gave ophidian was astounding -- the anger, the loneliness, the flirtations -- it was all wrapped up into oliver so perfectly ?? and then your development questions... the way you answered them ?? your writing is absolutely amazing !! it's a different vision i had for ophidian, but that’s in no means a bad thing. it's exactly why i loved it so, so much. just the line " he looks in the mirror. ' what are you capable of ? '" gave me shivers. i absolutely cannot wait to see how you play oliver on the dash. congratulations and welcome to operative !!

CONGRATULATIONS MINNIE ! YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED ACCESS TO THE FILE OF AGENT PHANTOM, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS JIYOON ARIELLA HAN ( PARK SOOYOUNG ).

everything from the biography, to the stats, to the connections, to your character’s goal... all i can say is wow !! i also absolutely loved the pinterest boards that went along with the biography !! every twist and turn that your writing took me on had me love every minute. it was a different take than i expected for phantom, but you captured the skeleton’s essence and really made it your own !! the explanation of her personality just confirmed that you were the one for phantom !! your writing is spectacular and i truly can’t wait to write with ariella !!

CONGRATULATIONS HONEY ! YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED ACCESS TO THE FILE OF AGENT PHOENIX, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS FRANCIS KANG ( JEON JUNGKOOK ).

holy shit, honey. i was weeping for francis and i really loved your take on phoenix’s connection and the depth you put behind him. i loved how much of a facade he put up & your depiction of him and odessa !! besides all that, your writing is gorgeous !! your in-character paragraph for phoenix really sold it for me !! you really have a good grasp on francis, and your creativity with his background / personality has me so excited to see where he goes and how he’ll develop !! thank you so much for applying and welcome !!

CONGRATULATIONS CLEO ! YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED ACCESS TO THE FILE OF AGENT SCORPIUS, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS ANGELINA DELAROSA ( CINDY KIMBERLY ).

the scorpius decision was probably the toughest of the whole acceptance process -- each app was absolutely amazing and i was struggling to pick just one. but i kept coming back to yours. your writing is almost poetic, and the way you wrote angelina was something that really pulled at my heart. the fact that you gave so much depth to the scorpius skeleton, beyond just a seductress, really gave it to me !! also, your paragraph samples, your explanation on her personality ?? my goodness, i could really tell that you understood angelina, from the way you wrote her goal, to her despair following nikolai, to the way you even wrote a drabble about her first mission... and the way you described those aesthetics as well !! your app had me absolutely floored !! you’re such a talented writer, and i can’t wait to see where you go with angelina !! welcome to the roleplay, love !!

#skeleton rp #semi appless rp #oc rp #new rp #appless rp #accepted

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vixenangel · 1 year

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#girls #fashion #clothing #style #cartia mallan #2023 #red #redcore #red aesthetic #tattoos #body image #mine #posted

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cartiamallanstyle-blog · 6 years

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Cartia Mallan x Princess Polly

Here Cartia is photographed for her collaboration with Princess Polly, in which she is wearing her ‘Superstar Flares’ (£47). Topshop are actually selling an almost identical pair for well under half the price!! I have to say this is one of my favourite pieces from the collection.

Topshop ‘Rainbow Flares’ - £20 £7

#cartia mallan #cartia mallan style #dress like cartia mallan #princess polly #topshop #flares #trousers #under 20 #photoshoot

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euphoriarph · 4 years

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hi! would be willing to make dash icons of cartia mallan in style a please?

just posted ! you can find your dash icons of cartia mallan right here !

#rpt #rph #icon requests

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fairylightworld · 4 years

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#cartia mallan #style #fashion #summer #beach #bucket hat

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bahiyahmajeed · 5 years

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https://www.instagram.com/p/B1DsemzhNZF/?igshid=1eiuepfe9cgkc

#cartia mallan #paris #style #fashion #fun #mood #friends #yazz

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tvhqs · 5 years

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updated mw???

ashley moore, cindy mello, kim dahyun, kim jiwoo, bae irene, imaan hammam, glowprincesss, kim lip, lily rose depp, samiraa, babiambi, cartia mallan, val mercado, w.tch, sara sampaio, lee sunmi, yoo jeongyeon, park jihyo, heize, hyulari, itsnotsonia, normani kordei, chantel jeffries, zendaya, aiyana lewis, cleo lazuli, eileen kelly, isabella peschardt, sarah snyder, justine biticon, bruna lirio, park jiwon, cami mendes, neelam gil, babychaela, keke Palmer, adeline rudo, kendall jenner, kendra bailey, kang seulgi, india love, indya marie, mishti rahman, saweetie, ryan destiny, kkmmmkk, amore.w, julia kelly, fiona barron, chase carter, bridget satterlee, olivia o'brien, scarlett leithold, cami morrone, bae suzy, dina denoire, maggie lindermann, sofia richie, seo soojin, yeji, kim soyeon,, lee jieun, jang yeeun, hailey baldwin, elisha & renee herbert, zahara davis, barbara palvin, kim yerim, charlotte d’alessio, simi & haze, sulli, hani, rose, eunha, yuju, mina, yeeun, seungyeon, hyuna, sakura miyawaki, kwon eunbi, kyulkyung, chaeyeon, sohye, sunmi, ahin, yeonwoo, chungha, glowprincesss, koakakoala, aimiracle_, alisha boe, justine biticon, zoe kravitz, lana condor, kamiya_naomi, enjajaja, alxcext, gratsikat, becky g, justine skye, megan thee stallion, jordyn woods, kyungsoo, acadiniz, jackson wang, lee seokmin, mark tuan, mark lee, vernon hansol, keith powers, woozi, suho, jaxon rose, johnny seo, nico hiraga, aj saudin, laurence coke, froy gutierrez, amine, ansel elgort, reece king, josh heuston, lee taeyon, jessey stevens, jyoungwhite, brayden bradshaw, kalin white, khalid, cuxt, hugo d'almonte, edwin honoret, jaden smith, luka sabbat, jeon wonwoo, mark lee, nick robinson, kim mingyu, kj apa, byun baekhyun, kim jisoo, kim namjoon, ten, froy gutierrez, avan jogia, oh sehun, nam joohyuk, jeon wonwoo, dean, herman tommeraas, brayden bradshaw, dong sicheng, na jaemin, seungmin, diego barrueco, lee jeno, david dobrik, harry styles, zayn malik, yuta nakamoto, lee donghyuck, marc forne, hwang minhyun, kang daniel, ong seongwoo, lee minhyuk, johnny suh, kim jeonghan, bobby, wonho, shownu, kim hanbin.

#twitter rp #oc rp #appless rp #rp #mw #a

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