#can you tell i might be autism?

[joocin-thebox]

oh man this cat.... this cat!!!

my crossover lore you ask?? how is knh palace in warrior cats?? WELL

our girl maomao, beloved, still does her posions and medicines! cant deprive her of her quirk! iirc there is a limited bit of medicine in wc and they have their shortages, but lets just say the knh location is abundant with herbs for an apothecary's usage!

and yes, she calls herself an apothecary bc her papa heard it when he used to be a loner and he just calls himself that now (so does everyone else, but healer / doctor are the main terms)

beloved maomao cant truthfully expierment with snakes and the likes the way she does in knh, but she finds her work arounds. for that reason she is an excellent hunter, being delightfully exceptional at hunting snakes and extracting their venom (how? who cares) to make unordinary cures and remedies :0 she keeps dead snakes and bugs around for harvesting when she needs them, and eats whatever is left over/expired (whether this is realistic doesnt matter at all)

She has like a million scars under her pelt bc she aggravates a lot of cats and loses plenty of fights, but they never hurt her too badly. simple scuffles and cuffs on the ear can get our meow meow to back off and watch her mouth (most of the time) the scars on her foreleg though are from her experiments :) ointments and such and whenever white/green/yellowcough breaks out, she's at the ready with tried and true methods, or something outrageous that only brave souls would try

(she willingly gets sick to test these remedies, but has since been banned from coming into contact with diseased cats alongside dead ones) ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

now where does knh wc take place??? somewhere! that's for sure! no replacing any canon territories, there is no riverclan, there is no queen of england!

instead of a clan (bc it means something else in knh) the colony is called a palace, and it is like 4 times as large as a single wc clan would be! (imagine the lake / forest territories but they all belong to the emperor)

most terminology, laws, and roles are basically the same, still have our emperor, his younger brother, the consorts and the likes im thinking splitting the locations within the palace by direction like in canon, so one clan would equal one court, but all 4 clans are the palace and the area is usually referred to as such. there arent as many disputes bc the whole thing belongs to the emperor as for the rear palace? canonically it exists beside the actual palace, so idk! we'll figure that out later (or never)

starclan exists but its not a monolithic colony, so there are quite a bit nonbelievers but no one is splitting hairs over the fact

i think the only things that would have to change is some story elements and locations obv. like verdigris is a twolegplace colony that resides in the town near the palace, with the madam (grans) being only one of many leader types within it

verdigris is overrun with cats. there are people but not many, and the cats live in abandoned houses, sewers, old buildings, farms, etc!

maomao was born in verdigris, but as we know, her father isn't from there. Lakan is from the palace, specifically the eastern court! maomao has never been and as far as she knows, she has no father. Grans told her the cat that helped birth her disappeared and probably got eaten by dogs :) maomao has no reason or drive to question this information, but she is well aware of the shadow that seems to follow her whenever she's on the outskirts of verdigris...

her kidnapping?? uhhhhhh who knows! LOL! working in the rear palace? same as usual! i see no reason to change the poison taster factor when... like lets be so real... there is poison in warrior cats :) if shadowsight can live, maomao can live! but the types of poisons would have to shrink or expand dramatically bc they are cats

[sidebar: i had wanted to make a knh au where literally everything, and i mean everything, is the same, except the people are cats :) why didnt i? well... maybe im silly... and it's too easy...]

☆*: .｡. back to our program ᓚᘏᗢ .｡.:*☆

I will not be changing anything but the basic points of the story and it might as well end around e12 for this au

for my sanity <3

ill mostly be focusing on character designs, general locations, and arcs that are easy to translate IF i ever care enough to crossover anything other than the fengming arc :D

all fun and games (and finally peace of mind since ive been in art guilt paralysis for half a year)

biggest challenge??? cat jinshi... he's supposed to be puppy... and lakan is also supposed to be foxpuppy but i can translate fox into cat... AND LIHAKU IS PUPPY ARRRGHHH ill figure it out!!

#wip #i caved!!! #but i got some work done #maomao saving me #can you tell i might be autism? #fox are dog bc they are fluffye

[ipusingularitae]

my dad: *telling me i do have socialization deficits, that i need to step out more and interact with people and look like i am part of the environment and that i am "there" and present*

me, knowing damn well i have socialization deficits and feeling overwhelmed in social situations, especially when I don't feel like i fit and when I don't know the other people: ... okay

my dad: did you get upset with me telling you this?

me, dissociating so I don't start crying in front of him: ... no

#like it's not that I think he shouldn't have told me that #because unless he tells me i have no idea what he's thinking and I'll just go about doing my stuff #but it's kinda upsetting to know that on those situations that I'm feeling like shit and wanting to cry #and that i just start using reading as a way to feel better on the situation #I'm actually looking like j don't wanna be there at all and that I'm in a bad mood #like- i am not. I'm just so overwhelmed that I can't think straight so i need to use this to regulate #maybe if i start using a sign saying “I'm not upset if you wanna talk just start the conversation” things might work #idk it's frustrating bc it's not that I don't wanna interact at all it's just so fucking hard #and i feel like ppl knowing that you're neurodivergent means that they can isolate you instead of just looking for better ways to interact #this is so fucked up #like yeah i can make an effort and mask as i do all the fucking time #but at the same time i know that the main reason i do this is bc ppl also don't wanna look for other interaction options #anyway that was a big rant #autism #actually autistic #autistic #neurodivergent #personal #life stuff

[pickled-flowers]

It might be I have anti social personality disorder 🤨

#hmmm #i dont think its just the autism fellas #idk im already aware i have some sort of personality disorder as diagnosed by a psychiatrist but without any more precision #and my vast confusion about other people might be explained by that #idk ive been reading about it and well #very much possible #ive known since i was 15 that i dont experience empathy in a “normal” way #and i have a very rich inner life within my brain #tbh i love my own company (most times) and im my favorite person #but there is such a big stigma about anti social ppl so im like #well. i can name a bunch of ppl around me who would dismiss me about that #but my dear just because someone can mask does not mean that is the real them #like idk especially if you cant tell when someone is masking like that's on you 😭 #i see someone masking and feel so sad like damn bestie i get it this is the only personality of yours people will enjoy #winter rambling in his tags? its more likely than you think

[windypuddle]

i made a chart

theres definitely something about izumi sena. dunno what though

#the unsure category was labeled you might be neurotypical but idk. #i changed it because um i do not know <3 #autistic people when they cant tell whats normal behavior #some of this chart is based off my own autistic experiences some of it is just Come On. Have You Seen Them #the ??? can be anything ranging from something else like soras synesthesia or shus osdd #or yknow. trauma #or whatever #ensemble stars #more like autism stars #enstars #puddle talks #actually autistic

[borvooven]

After procastinating for two years I finally listened to the gay pirate rock opera (aka The S.S. Krill) and... I think I'm not aromantic anymore. THIS is the kind of relationship I'd want and feel comfortable with, THIS is what I need NOW!!! Like I didn't know this was possible but this is the first time I've ever been cool with romantic media AND even managed to imagine myself in this kind of relationship. The ocean is the solution! I need to go on a ship and fall in love with one of my crewmates, preferably not someone who prefers to stay at land while I'm at sea, and get married by the captain and breathe the salty sea air with him and secretely lie on the beach under palm tress shirtless while the other men collect provisions and bring them on board and I need to live in the 18th century but it doesn't matter that the law is homophobic because our crewmates are the only people we ever get in contact with and they don't give a shit because they've literally seen sea monsters twice as big as the boat and mermaids and their mates being swallowed by whales so they can't be bothered if two guys kiss and

#guys i took an autism test with my therapist today and after i was done he was like wow okay uhm this looks positive #can you tell? #i feel the need to write a poem #help the ocean has captured my soul if i dont get to go back to the sea soon im gonna kill mywlef #ok not even joking i feel like i might start feeling worse because of having to go to school instead of being on a boat and kissing men #billy cobb #gay #i cant do this anymore i need a bf

[parseolegacy]

Yoinked This meme from @lanabenikosdoormat Indecisive Bitch Ver. because I have an easier time naming what I don't like rather than the other way around because I have a strong baseline 'like' for almost every one of these mfs and multiple go above that

I'm a lover not a fighter 😔

#swtor #swtor meme #HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PICK WHEN I HOLD THEM ALL IN MY ARMS #PAINED NOISE #can you tell I like snow and ice #and people that are nice #I swear I like the edgy bitches too this is purely based off of how loud I scream when a particular specimen comes on screen #my partner has heard me wailing over Satele Syo and Marr over discord so much I probably gave her tinnitus #I will just like 75% of things #go fucking wild over 20% #and then dislike 5% #'I'm a lover not a fighter 😔' it might also just be me autism

[sunlightfeeling]

gonna maybe be away for a lil bit (I say maybe because it really depends on my brain’s temperment)

currently fighting some darkness atm that won’t fucking stop (I’m okay, though, I swear, but its been all fucking day and I need to sleep and I can’t because thoughts)

leave a message after the beep

#i might stop in to like and reblog random things here and there #but ill probably stick to dash rather than digging through blogs like i usually do #anyway #autism adhd and c-ptsd is such a fucking shit hand like cash me tf out ON FUCKING- #like already have emotion regulation problems that gets worsened by it #(it being ptsd) #adhd already brings an endless monologue so ptsd goes ‘oh hey..gimme da aux for a bit’ and plays THE MOST VILE SHIT #ON REPEAT #also the impulsivity omfg #im already terrible and use it to distract whenever i can #but its like im also telling myself i need to because i need to get away from this #but instead of buying things i feel like i want to do something ‘worse’ and i…like actually don’t wanna #anyway idk im really sorry for all the negative posting lately #ibut also this is my home so :( #i started a side blog to actually scream in a void but its kind of odd still tbh and that’s a tangent anyways #im still holding myself to shipping things tho! so I will be reaching out to y’all when i get material wooo #(hopefully next week or the following~) #im hoping that this is just pmdd flaring my ptsd #because then its temporary #BUT OMG WHY WONT MY MEDICINE WORK I HATE YOU PMDD 😭 #oh…yeah…sorry #beeeeep

[boschlowtxt]

really long boschlow ramble with little regard for formatting GO!!

i love healthy boschlow but something about them being unhealthy and never meant for each other but made for each other that hits me in so many ways that makes my heart ache and yearn but in a good way you know? like you can list off many reasons why they shouldn't. how them being friends is probably the healthiest boundary between them. but blur that line, and suddenly so many things are unclear. as friends they would be great gym partners, they have things in common sure, they can joke and laugh. but partners? maybe it could work. most probably though it would not. and that uncertainty and struggle is so much more interesting than pairings that are just "obviously meant for each other". they'd have issues they have to work through, and probably those issues will only ever arise when the problems actually start. they are by virtue of their flaws the definition of love is work, and it's damn hard work at that. sure lumity had some rough patches but at the end of the day it was mostly "oh but communication fixes everything!" and they dealt with things in the healthiest way even if they found it hard. but their problems were extrinsic factors. luz pushed amity away because she was pushed into facing a problem that she wasn't ready to handle. but boschlow? these bitches are just like that naturally (and i love them for it. flawed characters who try too hard to not be flawed). they're the type of ship where you can see that a break up is actually possible without being forced, and that fact alone adds a layer of realism that a lot of other ships don't have. because even as someone who i think has a great relationship with their partner, there will be times you're scared something will happen. that one day you'll wake up and that person isn't with you anymore, and that fact somehow, for me, makes it so much more meaningful that they are there. to love someone is to accept the fact that you will be sad and maybe bitter and angry when they're gone. mad at the world for taking them away. mad at yourself for pushing them away. or mad at them for having wronged you to the point you can't love them anymore. and sheesh does that hit differently ngl

#boschlowtxt #boschlow #its all just silly rambling #can you tell i'm the type of person to have pondered a lot of stuff when i was a wee lil child? thinking and feeling <3 #my favourite hobby <3 #might be an infj thing idk #or autism #anyways feel free to disagree its just why *I* enjoy boschlow heehee

[areyouwho-ithinkyouare]

haha people who have normal relationships with their fathers where they didn’t grow up being constantly made to feel dumb/unimportant/annoying…. what’s that like babes hahaha

#autism doesn’t make you a bad parent. unmanaged/unaddressed autism combined with a general lack of consideration for everyone around you… #now THAT will fuck your kid up. #autistic people often struggle with eye contact. that’s cool no problem i can still engage in conversation like that. #buuut when you’re four and super exited to tell your dad what you did that day and he literally doesn’t acknowledge your presence?? #and it’s that across your entire LIFETIME? your entire childhood and teen years and fuck it even your adult life????? THAT SHIT SUCKS #and THEN the only times you CAN get a conversation out of him it’s an argument where he WILL not stop talking over you #and scoffing at every single word you say #and raising his voice as he tells you how stupid you’re being #ummmmmmmmmm yeeaaahhhh okie dokie. a lifetime of that might ummm… lead to a few issues. #oh wait i forgot the third category of interaction: listening to him complain about something absolutely meaningless. for 20mins. #just killing the mood of any conversation. #you’re watching tv it’s fun everyone’s having fun!! yayyy yippee isn’t this nice #and then someone on tv will say ‘up and down the country’ (goofy but harmless phrase) and suddenly all you can hear is a rant #about the banality of overused idioms and phrases. #LIKE!! can you fucking lighten up for five fucking seconds. please. #idk man. my mum and i spent our whole morning travelling out to some random shop wayyyy out of our way. requires multiple buses to get there #JUST to get him a birthday present. because we thought it was fun and cute and because it’s very personal to him. #like we built our DAY around this. we spent £120 on this. FOR HIM!! because we thought he’d enjoy it!!!! #and we’re spending all day tomorrow wrapping his presents and hand making cards and planning the cake i will be baking for him #and he gets home from work and. IMMEDIATELY starts picking a fight. #like we had a lovely day. we had SUCH a good day. and a lot of it was about doing stuff FOR HIM for HIS BIRTHDAY!!! #which we were HAPPY AND EXITED TO DO!!!!! #and he fucking ruins the whole thing. #now my mum is sleeping on the sofa because she’s so angry at the way he was talking to me and i’m typing this bullshit. #and. he just. he doesn’t care. he doesn’t get it. he literally cannot comprehend why we’re upset at him. #he can’t see anything from anyone else’s perspective. he can’t comprehend the idea that maybe just maybe HE was the one being unkind.

[daisychainsandbowties]

oo apparently there’s a setting on youtube called ‘stats for nerds’

and you can just sit & stare at the frame count going up. this is enrichment 😌

#1 frame dropped out of 150000 now #does this matter? no. do i like knowing? yes #it also tells you the time but w lots of extra numbers so i might actually wanna look at what time it is #idk why i only found this on my playstation app tho #robbed of the autism juice. for months #i’m listening to coruscant ambiance from jedi survivor #trying to get finished with star wars au 4 #bc it’s in three separate docs rn so i have no idea how long it is #cas talk #u can ignore i’m just 👀 at this feature #& yea i made the mystery text a mystery because it’s a mystery

[anomalouscorvid]

realising that i've accidentally become actually good at putting together outfits on flight rising mainly through being autism about fictional characters

#you might think `being autistic about` would be more correct. but idk what to tell you dude it's just. `being autism about` #it just works better i think. #anyway. i have more fandragon plans. despite not having any space in my lair for more permanent dragons #several pieces can only be gotten through notn so i think next notn i should just... save up my treasure and gems and etc. #and just start buying spares of all the apparel. just in case #not my fault the notn apparel is so cool and good and fits so perfectly for every single character ever :(

[lemememeringue]

gay ppl inside my phone, what are your Good Reasons™ to leave the house?

#mine #I don't mean like ''this walk is good for my mental health >:['' #I mean like what are the bullshit event goals you tell yourself to be convinced that socialising worth the effort of leaving the house #think I might benefit from an irl autism support group but I'm trying to muscle past ''is this rly more cost effective than staying home?'' #first mental hurdle was transportation. I don't like relying on mum. but cliff can show me how to use a rideshare #and I could def drag him along on my first outing #but now the second hurdle is ''why should I bother at all?'' and I don't have a good comeback #lem experiences cognitive behavioural torture

[lilgynt]

i want to blow up my coworkers BRAIN

#personal #they are so fucking annoying and can never not have the convo related to them #like one somebody was asking about my hair which relates to my dad #so i’m like yeah cut and dyed it to keep up with my dads care haha #and then they were talking about my last colors brown and red and this coworker who has red got brought in #and then they go into LENGTH about how they needed to bleach their hair after their birds death #they had the bird for like a week too #and then the death of a different pet and was just laying into it during a meeting #which should piss me off more like oh ur gonna steer a conversation about my dads health to ur fucking pets. kys #then rn i got an agressive called and got called a little shit and was going over it with my boss #and was explaining something and said if it’s looks off that might be me i mix up letters sometimes #and this fucker just CHIMES in like dyslexia is bitch! and so is the one for math or whatever the name is #and it’s like one wasn’t even talking to you two separate thing all together three #i’m not diagnosed with dyslexia but let’s say i have it stop fucking telling people other peoples disabilities #like they have done this MUTIPLE times just casually bringing up my autism or other shit and it’s like???? can i help you #stop mentioning this at my fucking work place #like i get ur disabilities are like cool trading cards and shit but any that i do happen to have are real facets of my life that maybe! #i don’t want shared at work! #and even that i could forgive but worst all #this coworker is so annoying. and cringe. walking 2013 mental health post on tumblr #they used to ask me for rides home too without even knowing me and i did it like twice before i had to cut that shit bc they just #started expecting it #anyway i hate them and i have to hear about their sister tried to kill them one more fucking weekend i’m getting touch with said sister to #finish the dam job

[incrediblysillygoose]

The trans urge to befriend a fellow trans guy VS the autistic urge to run away whenever I have to speak to someone

who will win? tune in every sunday at 2am bst to find out /j

#obviously the second one will win #I can only make friends over text #unfortunately #because I’m too scared of rejection and can’t keep up a conversation #might have social anxiety #not sure #I’ll find out soon enough though #the other day I tried to make a friend irl #I really said ‘what type of colourblindness do you have’ AS A CONVERSATION STARTER #Let me tell you the conversation did not start #it died #and I wanted to run away #autism assessment on Wednesday #if they say I’m not autistic I’m not sure what I do #all of my entire life says otherwise

[oddmerit]

i dont wanna drop off the face of social media forever but boy wouldnt it be nice to have the sort of brain that DIDNT feel the need to compulsively scroll every 30 minutes when im trying to sit down and get work done and i could simply pick and choose to sparingly use those sites so i have time for literally anything else in my life

i grew up on algorithm-less tumblr and deeply abhor instagram and tiktok (i dont even have tiktok and instagram is so overstimulating i cant use it for more than 5 minutes) so its not the algorithm of these sites that drag me in, it's the desire to keep tabs on people i have never even followed but are adjacent to a lot of the people i DO follow by going directly to their pages and reading all of THEIR tweets and [redacted for legitimately weird things i do with that information].

plus my brain is a tiny fucking toddler that hates being told what to do mixed with a particularly sneaky 13-year-old that loves to circumvent all of the barriers i put up to try and make myself focus on the task at hand. i literally redownloaded chrome and logged into tumblr just so i could make this post because my forest app extension on firefox, my phone, and my ipad block me from accessing tumblr while they're going. i have three siteblockers going simultaneously and my brain was so compelled to Scroll and Post i went around all of them. i remember one time when i was younger i had a siteblocker on tumblr.com going so i could do some homework, but i could still go directly to people's blogs because the subdomain of [username].tumblr.com wasnt blocked. i paginated through at least 100 pages of some random person's blog because my brain was holding me captive and didnt want to do homework

i dont even know what to do at this point. deleting my social media entirely is out of the question bc i have a decade+ of art, memories, etc that i want to hold onto, and its also the main way i interact with people bc socializing normally feels like pulling teeth

anyways. any tips people have on redirecting your brain to things you Need To Work On or even Want To Work On like hobbies or art whenever your brain is screaming that it wants the baby bottle of social media would be very appreciated

#unidentified gay noise #long post SORRY #im trying to do a twitter/tumblr detox bc those are my two worst executive-dysfunction-paralysis-scrolling sites #as you can tell its going: badly #i considered getting a page on cohost.org but again: its not the algorithm thats the problem. its the fact that there is Content To Scroll #adding a Fourth Site (metaphorically not literally thats just what cohost calls itself) would probably make the issue much worse #even neocities is an issue bc it has the feed and i cant block the neocities backend itself bc thats how you Update Your Fucking website #its a scumbag tactic to make people sign up to sites but in the sense of ''forcing me to Stop Scrolling'' its very helpful when sites are-- #--like ''log in to view this person's profile :)'' whenever i log out out twitter or tumblr #''raleigh have you considered you might have adhd and/or ocd and/or autism'' have you considered sucking me good and hard from behind

[depresseddepot]

I'm tired of being scared abt this. I'm 100% certain I have adhd (if you didn't already know) and relatively convinced that I have autism too

#ive known the adhd for a few years now #and ive suspected i was autistic since i was little but i was scared abt what that meant #(and also how that would affect how Normal I Was bc i was soo normal. cant you tell /s) #ive told a few people irl but each time i did i was faced with awful sucking guilt and shame at the possibility that i wasnt autistic #and thus was lying and using the label for attention (which isn't how it works at all but. yknow) #but ive taken the raads-r tests and uh. my scores are very high #which is worrying bc now i have to think of this as a genuine possibility #god i wish i could just get a diagnosis for these things #i feel like such a fucking liar when i tell people these things bc i don't have a 'real' diagnosis to back me up if they don't believe me #bc i have to prepare for the worst bc of COURSE i do #i might delete this later bc im a big baby and will get scared abt it but. #but! fuck! #im so so tired of knowing something this impactful abt myself and feeling like a huge scam whenever i say it out loud ! #also pls don't talk to me abt this bc i don't think i can take that sort of one on one interrogation abt it yet lol i have. so many issues #i just want to clear the water so i can finally rb posts abt autism without feeling like someone is going to physically harm me for 'lying' #bc i don't have a professional diagnosis #OUGH IM GOING TO BED ! I CAN FEEL THE SPIRAL !!!!