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ffnothingicansay · 10 years

Text

DEAD STARS

RATING: General

FANDOM: Hetalia

CHARATER/S: Sweden (Berwald Oxenstierna) & Germany (Ludwig Beilschmidt)

PAIRING: Hinted SveGer

TYPE: Drabble

Friday nights were always Ludwig’s favorites. It may have come off as odd to some since on Fridays, Ludwig was always somber. He left the house for an hour or two, bringing nothing but himself to who knows where. He doesn’t take the car nor does he take Gilbert’s motor. He just…left. Being a German, everyone expected him to come back tipsy or maybe drunk. But he doesn’t. He always came back calm and content.

Tonight was no different. After washing the dishes, Ludwig had pulled on his coat. He cut through the living room. Gilbert was sitting around, setting up his whisky fort for his entertainment. The albino had noticed him leaving. He paused from his work and glanced up, red eyes leaving a questioning stare. “Heading out tonight as well, little brother?”The question only received a curt nod from Ludwig. “Well, be quick or I’ll drink all the beer!” A common threat from Gilbert. Ludwig merely shrugged off the words of parting and left.

He could always sit around and drink beer with Gilbert whenever he wanted to. He always saw his older brother since they did live together. But the person he heads to the park to see was not always there; he was there on some Fridays and on other Fridays he wasn’t. There was always a fifty-fifty chance that he gets to see the Swede named Berwald, and even when he does there wasn’t really much to talk about. All silent and idle chitchat; whatever little time he got to spend with the recluse resident of World Street meant a lot to him. He has always fascinated Ludwig.

And that is exactly why, on a cold autumn night, Ludwig found himself in the park down the street. He hugged himself for extra warmth as he huffed. He made his way towards the swing set. The park was usually empty on a night like this, with all kids usually at home with their families. Only teenagers were present at this time, sitting around and hanging out and the occasional adult walking by or out to jog.

He rounds the corner and catches sight of the top of the slide peeking from the top of the tree. The German sped up a little; intent on finding out if the Swede was there or not. He could hear the gentle creaking of the swing set. It honestly set his hopes up, though his expression did not betray what he was wishing.

Ludwig was glad when he had finally arrived. Sitting there in silence was the person he had hoped to see, looking up at the sky whilst swaying gently to the breeze. He approached the empty swing silently and sat himself, earning a hum of acknowledgement from the other. And this was what he did on Fridays when the other was around. Sitting in peace, swinging in silence. It was never awkward nor tense. It was just time spent in each other’s company with their gazes turned to look up at the stars.

Ludwig did all the talking. Short, pleasant phrases just to get a conversation starting. He’d usually get a gruff response, but he never truly minded. Most of the time, the small talk skidded to a halt after a quick exchanged. Despite the small amount of words that had been exchanged, Ludwig always felt closest to Berwald. Words did not need to be exchanged between them to get to know the other more.

He risked a glance at the bespectacled man. He didn’t mind the gruff manner of speaking Berwald used when he responded. It’s because Ludwig understood. He understood the boundaries of a stoic man. He knows that under all those cold, emotionless expressions was a gentle giant. Berwald had a lot of things he wanted to express freely, but he could never do so.

“I…”

So when Berwald had uttered a word, it made a flicker of hope rise up in Ludwig’s chest. As soon as it had come, he stifled it out. He was getting a head of himself. It wasn’t as if he was going to admit anything. He couldn’t have sensed Ludwig’s enthusiasm, right? And if he did see it under Ludwig’s well guarded mask, then by the gods, he was so obvious and vulnerable under the knowing gaze of the Swede.

“Someone in my past just died.”

Oh.

Ludwig’s heart sank. At the same time, he was thankful he hasn’t been found out. He wasn’t even sure about what he felt. It was a little terrifying to have Berwald sense it before he was so sure about what exactly it was he was feeling. “I give my condolence.” He said, extending an arm to give the other a consoling pat on the back. It was odd, truly, since Ludwig was awkward when it came to these things. Serious and strict with discipline, it felt strange to him to actually be doing this.

“I can’t st’p by as oft’n as I used t’.”

Ludwig drew his hand back. He stared at the Swede. His heart pounded in his chest; it resounded throughout his whole body.” Are you moving?” He asked, trying so hard not to sound upset.

“Nnnn….no.”

Ludwig released the breath he had been holding. He hadn’t even realized he had stopped breathing. “Why?” He questioned. He felt like he needed to know why his Fridays would be lonely, sitting around in the park with no one else to sit with. There was always Gilbert, though he’d surely miss the Swede.

“She left som’ne behind. He’s…” Berwald hesitated. The air grew tense around them.

“’E’s my son.”

His breath hitched. The pounding in his chest sped up. At that very moment, the world Ludwig had known had gone deathly still. All of his attention had been focused on Berwald. Everything was still and silent on his physical body as he simply gave out a dead pan stare, but his mind was in a storm. How was he supposed to react to that? What does he say? What should he think? Well, he’s not really surprised since Berwald was close to the midlife…

No.

This was a shock. He didn’t know what to think or what to say. The only thing his mind was processing the information at lightning speed while failing and screaming in his head, echoing as it joined his beating heart. How does he fathom this brand new information? “So it’s your wife that died?” Was all he could manage to choke out. He directed his gaze away, training his blue eyes back at the starry sky. He didn’t want Berwald to see him like this.

“’M not m’rried.”

He breathed. So it was all an accident? Silence settled between them. It was all tense and awkward. Despite it, neither of them left the other. Ludwig stared at the stars as they twinkled. They were all suddenly dim and lusterless. He was silent for a long time as he sorted out whatever else was left in his head. He shoved them all away, just to clear his thoughts. The raging storm within him must go calm. And the more he thought about it, the more he had come to eventually accept it. Berwald was 35 and he lived alone. It was better that he had a son to raise.

‘Lucky.’ He thought to himself. He would no longer get to see Berwald as often as he used to; rare occasions getting snatched away by a small child. His Friday nights would be spent in the company of Gilbert and alcohol; not in the company of a silent companion. His heart sank once more as it all drew to a close.

This would all just become a small memory, a wish that could never be. He could imagine the days he’ll be passing by them and he’d look on with envy, longing for something that cannot be his. He’ll just have to accept it eventually, but the thought of losing a companion such as the Swede was upsetting. And he sighs and stands, shoving his hands into the pockets of his coat. He exhaled and watched a frosted puff of breath as it materialized and eventually disappeared.

“S’rry.” The Swede muttered in apology behind him. ‘Sorry for unloading all of that on you.’

The German merely shrugged.

“Sure.”

A pause.

“I’ll be heading home now.” He didn’t sound convincing to himself.

“’lright. See ya whene’vr.”

And he walked off, looking calm and collected as he rounded the corner in a farce to look normal. Once he was sure he was in a safe distance, he sped off, jogging home in a vain attempt to keep himself together.

~*~

The door swung open and slammed shut.

Gilbert paused and looked up, only to see Ludwig throwing his coat at a corner before marching in and dropping himself into the empty space beside him. “Hello, little brother.” He greeted him. All Ludwig did was pop a bottle open before taking a violent swig of the alcohol. Gilbert’s smile fell. “It’s alright.” He merely said in the more caring tone he could offer as he patted the back of his brother.

#Someone kill me #aph fanfiction #c:Sweden #c:Germany #p:SveGer

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