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vampiregirl1797 · 3 years

Text

All Because of a Jacket

Stiles x Reader

GIF Not Mine

Summary: A collection of the times Stiles lends Y/N his lacrosse jacket.

Warnings: None.

Word Count: 2,039

A/N: I have no idea where this came from guys. Actually, I do—I ordered myself a Stiles lacrosse jacket and I’ve been living in it since it came, so that’s most likely what inspired this little imagine. I hope you enjoy it! Leaving a link HERE to the jacket I got off Etsy if you’re interested—I cannot recommend it enough!

Click Here For my Masterlist.

It started off subtle, something I didn’t notice at first, and was merely grateful for. The pack had met in the middle of the lacrosse field on a Sunday evening, the location chosen as a way of avoiding any police cruisers who were out enforcing the town-wide 9pm curfew. Still, I didn’t understand why we couldn’t just have met at someone’s house, though I suppose that did run the risk of neighbours ratting us out.

I’d been trying to listen to what Scott was saying, and the whole reason we were gathered in the middle of the freezing cold lacrosse field in January, but I couldn’t bring myself to focus. It was my own fault, really. I’d assumed we’d go inside the school once we’d all gathered together, which was why I’d forgone grabbing a jacket as I left my house. Now, I was there, scrunching the sleeves of my jumper in a vain attempt to retain some heat and reverse the cold settling in on my bones. I had my arms crossed over my chest, and was seriously considering just wrapping my arms around Derek and burying my face into his back—he wouldn’t have minded and the man gave off more heat than a damn space heater, but I was startled out of my thoughts by a curtain of warmth being wrapped around me. I blinked, surprised and my eyes fluttered closed for a second in complete and utter relief, before my brain registered that the wonderfully warm jacket hadn’t just landed on my shoulders of its own accord. I looked to my left and straight into a particular pair of honey brown eyes that I was more than a little fond of. His eyes were soft at that moment, and when I murmured a quiet thank you, he responded with a bashful smile that made my heart skip a beat in my chest.

As I slid my arms through the long sleeves of Stiles’ lacrosse jacket and buttoned up the front in an attempt to retain the warmth the sarcastic boy’s body had provided, I found myself grateful that Stiles, like me, was one of the only humans of the group. It meant that I’d been able to successfully keep my more than platonic feelings from him. Of course, he was the only one who didn’t know.

I narrowed my eyes at Derek’s teasing, barely there, smile and discretely flipped him off by scratching my nose with my middle finger. The action didn’t go unmissed by the blue-eyed wolf and he breathed a chuckle before returning his attention to the alpha in front of the group.

My cold state now taken care of, I was able to concentrate on Scott’s words, subconsciously stepping closer to Stiles as I listened, my body seeking out the comfort his presence always provided me with without my consent.

That was the first time Stiles gave me his jacket.

The second time had been during a “stake-out” with Liam and Stiles. The honey-eyed boy was adamant that there was something off with Theo, and honestly I hadn’t got the best feeling about him popping into our lives out of nowhere for one, adding in the fact he was also a werewolf… well it was just too much of a coincidence.

‘I’m telling you, there’s something not right about him, Y/N.’ Stiles said, for what must have been the hundredth time in the last four hours.

‘Stiles.’ My hand covered his on the steering wheel, and I felt us both immediately relax at the touch, ‘I believe you, okay? You don’t need to convince me of anything. If you say there’s something off with Theo, I’m not going to question it.’

His usually honey-brown eyes were dark with emotion as his hand squeezed mine, ‘why? Why do you believe me?’

‘Because you have great instincts and I trust you and your opinions more than anyone else’s.’ I told him honestly.

I felt my heart beat pick up the longer his eyes bore into mine, but I refused to look away, even knowing that Liam was probably smiling in the same smug way all the werewolves had mastered whenever my heart misbehaved around Stiles. What felt like hours later, Stiles blinked and bought my hands in-between both of his.

At my look of confusion, he elaborated, ‘you’re freezing.’

‘Huh, I didn’t even notice.’ I shrugged, trying to fight the blush forming on my cheeks at what felt like an intimate gesture.

He opened his hands a little so he could blow some hot air onto mine, and the warmth generated from the act seemed to travel through my whole body.

‘Better?’ he asked after a few minutes of repeating the gesture.

I cleared my throat and kept my answer short, not trusting my voice, ‘much. Thank you.’

‘No problem.’ He released my hands and I slid them underneath my thighs to retain the heat he’d created.

My eyes moved over to where we’d been watching for most of the night, to see Theo was still playing his video game, like he had been for most of the night. It made me frown; sure video games were what teenagers usually did, but it just seemed too convenient to me. I was about to voice my opinion to Stiles and Liam when familiar cotton was placed onto my shoulders. My arms moved through the sleeves almost reflexively as I offered my best friend a grateful smile, and tried to resist the urge to bury my face into the fabric to inhale his sweet and husky scent.

‘Thank you.’

‘Can’t have you freezing on me.’ He joked his hand squeezing my thigh briefly before returning it to the steering wheel.

I couldn’t have stopped the blush that formed on my cheeks if I tried, so I turned my gaze to stare out of the window, my hand resting where his had touched me, and I wondered— if I were to remove the denim barrier provided by my jeans, would my thigh display a brand of his hand print?

Because the heat left behind by his touch felt exactly like I had been branded as his.

The third time had been in the cafeteria.

We were all sitting together, minus Derek and Liam, and all having different conversations in our own little groups. Allison and Isaac were making weekend plans, provided she could sneak out without her father noticing, Lydia, Aiden, Ethan and Danny were talking about something they could all do together on a double date, and Stiles, Scott and I were all talking about collages we wanted to apply to. Well, they were. I was trying not to fall asleep using my sandwich as a pillow; I’d been up late the night before, helping Stiles put together his criminal bored. Nothing had been solved, but we both found it helpful to have everything, every clue, and every detail all in one place.

Of course, time had gotten away from us, and our party had been broken up by the Sherriff returning from his shift and gently informing us it was past three am. I’d been too tired to drive home and had slept on the couch, but two hours sleep wasn’t enough time for me, unlike Stiles; he was as hyperactive as ever.

I pushed my tray away from me with a sigh, too tired to eat anyway, and laid my head down on top of my arms. I’d heard a few chuckles from the pack, but I ignored it; they knew how I could be when I was tired so they just left me to it. I was on the brink of passing out, knowing someone would wake me for our next class, when I found myself surrounded by what was becoming my favourite jacket emitting warmth and a scent I couldn’t get enough of. I slid my arms into the sleeves and nuzzled my face into the fabric once I’d returned them to my original position. Had I been fully conscious of my actions, I’d have been embarrassed at my audience, but the chuckles simply faded into nothing as I finally found sleep.

What I hadn’t noticed was Stiles’ fond smile, or the knowing and frustrated expressions the rest of the pack wore.

The fourth time had been during a lacrosse game.

I’d been standing in the bleachers, wearing a jacket that was not keeping me warm in the slightest and discretely trying to huddle closer to Malia—she gave off as much heat as her uncle did—when I’d heard Stiles shouting my name.

I’d frowned, but manoeuvred my way out of the row I’d been sat in and made my way down to the benches, where he was waiting. He was holding his helmet under his arm and when I reached him, he held out his jacket and I took it, but didn’t put it on in case I’d misunderstood his meaning. Did he want me to give it to Malia? I’d noticed they’d been particularly close since she had joined the pack, and as much as it made my heart ache, I was glad the female wolf had someone to offer her comfort when she’d been without it for so long.

‘I noticed it’s pretty cold and figured you could use a jacket.’ He said, seeming nervous.

I felt a genuine smile form on my lips as I slid the cotton on and buttoned up the front, ‘thank you. I feel like I should rent this from you with how often I wear it.’ I chuckled, pulling my hair out from underneath the fabric.

He joined me in my laughter, ‘nah, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I like seeing you in my jacket.’ He looked nervous again and my heart skipped a beat in my chest.

Did he mean…? ‘You do?’ I asked, my voice quiet to my own ears.

‘I do,’ he stepped closer and I felt wonderfully dizzy as a stronger wave of his heat and scent washed over me, ‘Y/N…I’ve liked you for a while. As more than a friend, and I’ve been too scared to say anything, but Scott practically threatened to kill me if I didn’t admit it to you.’

‘You like me?’ I repeated, dumbfounded. How had I missed it? Had I been so preoccupied in hiding my own feelings that I’d been blind to his?

‘Yes.’ He looked more nervous now and I found myself reaching out, my hands falling on top of his in an attempt to comfort him.

‘Stiles…’ I took a breath, finding the courage to say the words I’d been holding in for so long, ‘I like you too.’

His honey-coloured eyes bore into mine for what felt like hours, but in reality it was only a few seconds, before his lips formed a face splitting grin that made my heart warm in my chest.

‘So, will you go on a date with me?’ he asked, seeming more confident but not much.

‘Absolutely.’ I grinned, my face leaning into his hand as it came up to caress the side of my face.

‘Awesome.’ He grinned again, and I was sure that we would both be wearing these giddy expressions for the foreseeable future, ‘pizza after?’

‘Perfect.’ I laced my fingers through his and almost jumped a mile when coach blew his whistle. I’d been so lost in him, his touch, his warmth, and his smell that I’d completely forgotten where we were.

‘I should get out there before Coach kills me.’ He chuckled.

‘Okay.’ I replied, reluctantly releasing his hands.

He leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss to my forehead that I made my heart melt. Before he could leave me completely, I grabbed his jersey and with a teasing grin told him, ‘by the way, this jacket is mine now.’

He blinked, and when he’d processed my words a bright, fond grin broke out across his face. He leaned in, kissed my cheek and whispered against my skin, ‘you won’t find me objecting to that, sweetheart.’ He winked, waved, and left to join the huddle in the centre of the field.

My cheek didn’t stop burning for the rest of the game.

#stiles x reader #stiles stilinksi x reader #stiles stillinski imagine #teen wolf

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thisismylifedotnet · 6 years

Text

My life right now

26.9.2018

Sometimes I just wish that I was dead or didn’t have to go through this. Sometimes I want to sit pack and sleep to the point everything starts so go to the right direction.

This is what my life holds “up” to, or at least what made me to this point:

I grew up with an almost perfect family until I was 11 and my father died. My mother was always the one giving me rules and restrict my movements. I liked my dad, not her. As a single child after my dad died I got literally all mothers attenion she gave to my father fist.. When he died it was the same as my childhood was over and welcome “adulthood” at 11 years.

At summer I was restricted to be home at 9pm, that was almost okay with me until I turned 15. But I live in a country that has really dark winters, so mother had to have me at home already at 6pm. She said it was normal. None of my friends had a time like I had in the winter! She was so overprotective I couldn’t go outside without letting her know I went out with trusted friends. Already at secondary school I was so pissed to her overwhelming I often I said I’d go out with friends but what I truly did was that I went to a park that had a hill with a rock wall. I went there to walk at the edge and think if I should do it or not... I thought that I didn’t have to suffer to live. But thinking my friends I couldn’t do it. Thinking my mother who never understood me (and still doesn’t) I always wanted to make the jump.

I never were good enough to my mother. “You should study harder!”, “What have you done in your room if your grade is that bad!”, “Have you been listening to music when you are supposed to study? You must understand that you have the exam tomorrow! You can’t pass it by just listening to music and sitting here doing really nothing!”, etc. "admiring” (read: reproaching) words and sentences almost every week of my life going school. I have a reading difficulty which makes it harder to read and learn as fast as the others. I was always behind schedule BAD when it came to reading. Truth is, I studied as hard as I could most of the time AND my grades were average all the time. I mean, not good, but not bad. Average.

Choosing my education route whether I’d go to high school or vocational school (is that really the right word? Vocational school?) was an easy pick. My mother of course wanted me to high school. Thank god we agree for once! But which high school... I wanted to go the path makes me happy, lets me learn from myself for the future and the occupation I want to spend my life to. My mother... Can I kill her? She wanted me to go to school, which admission requires a higher grade than the average. I didn’t have it but I promised her that I’d put it as primary school I’d “want in” just to end the fight. At this time there were already signs of her having trust issue with me. I’d still put the one I wanted to and got in.

My time at high school was great, I enjoyed it and I really felt like I was where I belonged to. Only that my mother crushed my dreams one by one every time I’d talk about my current interest. The same problem always followed her arguments. Money. “They don’t get payed well”, “That is something I don’t see you doing. They really do nothing to get payed. And those people are nothing to our community.”, That would be the same as driving a garbage truck” etc. again...

At some point my mother saw that something is wrong. She thought it was my fathers death. I tried to tell her that it was not but because I couldn’t tell her what is wrong she forced me to go to youngsters therapy. What I talked there was purely my anger, fear and problems with my mother. Even the therapists have reacted to what they have heard about my mother like I am a victim. Or at least I feel like a victim.

Then came the day when my mother made my graduating day a nightmare instead of a great day to remember. Literally, at my graduation party. I remember putting my graduation certificate into view so guests can look at it. At one moment my lovely cousin comes to me asking for it. Then I noticed it was gone. I had studied hard on those grades and even when they weren’t good I was proud of the grades because I thought I got the worst possible past on most of them. And I didn’t! Anyway I went to ask my mom who takes me then to her bedroom and gives them to me. I asked why he took them there to hide it from people? She answered “Well, we can’t show it to the guests, I am ashamed of those grades!” I only rolled eyes to her and walked out of the room with my graduation certificate and a big, half fake smile for the quests..

From that day on it has gone only worse, especially when I moved out when I turned 19 years old. I have been shout at for not having any proper plan for finding my future occupation, not doing anything to find any ‘good’ schools that pleases her mind, not doing anything for my life etc.. Because every option I throw at her isn’t nearly as good as those she wants me in and I don’t. It is like she have planned my whole life beforehand and it includes a lot of money and a good job where I can have more money. Everyone starts at the bottom and it seems my mother can’t accept that I, “the perfect daughter who is not so perfect as she should be”, am there any moment of my life. She wants me straight to he top when I want to stay low because I don’t care about having too much money.

Also one thing that bothers me too... She thinks all gay or lesbian people has a mental illness, which is why they date people same sex. Now, I am bi-sexual, and I haven’t told it to her for a reason.

Long ending short:

I got a mental illness from my (women's volunteer) time at the military. I was there a year and this mental illness in its worst affects my physical health and that way to school. Last year I studied something I found interesting and my mother would’ve accept as an occupation for me. For nothing. It only made my illness worse for me. So now I am studying adults courses at vocational school to be a clothing maker as a hobby while I try to find my true occupation. It has always been a dream for me to be able to make clothes for myself, by myself. And I’ll save money by doing that. But... Again, my mother doesn’t like it. Oh, it gets even better this time she doesn’t accept me as I am so she tried to use every option to literally get my dreams off from the sky. (I read a straight referring to that “dream dropping” from my mothers text message to my boyfriend.) When I last spoke to her it was the first time since she stopped talking to me and either of us didn’t want to talk about my school. I felt relieved but scared. Is this the calm before the storm again?

My boyfriend have tried to speak some sense to her brain but she doesn’t believe anything he says about me or how things are done somewhere else outside of the capital.

People who have helped me besides my boyfriend:

@markiplier

@therealjacksepticeye

You two have reminded me about the good in fighting towards my dreams. I have no other option to go now but through the brick walls around me to see the light at the end of the tunnel... It is really dark now tough. And I am going through some mentally painful stuff..

Thank you and excuse me.

Edit 27.9.2018:

I think the worst part is whhat my mother says all the time “I love you as you are” and “I know your father would be at my side of this school thing.” All those sentences that hurt me to try and make me surrender and go where ever she is pointing. How inappropriate even is to say a dead person is on her side? Father was better than her. She tries to use it against me. I’m 23 years now. I can say where I want or need to go. not you and your imagination based on your knowledge that are not even true, mother.

#I had to burst my feelings to something #every reader means to me one more person who cares of me #I know this is long-ass text but really #1 reader means 1 more good heart #sorry #markiplier #jacksepticeye #my life #my life problems

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zeoia · 6 years

Text

I don’t know if she was handling it poorly or we were handling it poorly, but needless to say, it didn’t go well.

She was paranoid, I was sleep deprived and then later very distraught because of my own personal health issues.

Long chatlog under readmore. Again, I don’t know how to interact with someone with borderline personality disorder. I’m not going to pretend to know how it works. I could have been saying all the wrong things. It doesn’t work the same as my depression/anxiety. So I very well could have been the awful person in this scenario. I don’t know. I just know she needed help.

After everything, I ended up with this in my FB

HER-Yesterday at 11:02 PM

I don't know hwat I've done

I don't know

I need to know

I'm sorry

I'm a terrible person

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:03 PM

Did you always talk about negative things

That's

HER-Yesterday at 11:03 PM

She said she didn't mind

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:03 PM

Not true

HER-Yesterday at 11:03 PM

that she could handle me

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:03 PM

Even if people don't mind they can still be tired out by it

HER-Yesterday at 11:03 PM

I don't know what I did

She was going to visit

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:04 PM

I don't see you as a bad person

HER-Yesterday at 11:04 PM

I've been saving coins

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:04 PM

Calm down

HER-Yesterday at 11:04 PM

I WANT TO KNOW

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:04 PM

You are jumping to conclusions

HER-Yesterday at 11:04 PM

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT I DID

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:04 PM

I will talk to her just calm down

HER-Yesterday at 11:04 PM

What if she removed you too

I didn't meant to upset her

I didn't know I had

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:07 PM

She's not online right now so I can't do much until she shows up. If she does for me. Like you said she might have unfriended me too

HER-Yesterday at 11:07 PM

But why#

Why

She was going to visit

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:08 PM

I don't know

Last I talked to her was in May

HER-Yesterday at 11:09 PM

I don't understand

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:09 PM

I don't talk to her often enough to know, alright?

HER-Yesterday at 11:09 PM

I don't understand

People keep telling me they won't hate me

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:09 PM

Worrying is not going to help

HER-Yesterday at 11:09 PM

but they do!

THEY IE

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:09 PM

Stop it

HER-Yesterday at 11:09 PM

LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:09 PM

Stop

You are jumping to conclusions again

HER-Yesterday at 11:09 PM

No I'm not!

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:09 PM

Yes you are

HER-Yesterday at 11:09 PM

She just stoped my call

I know she did

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:10 PM

HER-Yesterday at 11:10 PM

I tried to phone

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:10 PM

Did you try to call her on here

HER-Yesterday at 11:10 PM

I called her phone

2 rings

hang up

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:10 PM

Did you think about the fact that maybe it's kinda late to be taking phonecalls

HER-Yesterday at 11:11 PM

9pm

Is that too late?

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:11 PM

For me yeah

After 8 I don't want my phone ringing

Look, she could be busy

HER-Yesterday at 11:12 PM

She hates me

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:12 PM

Gimme her phone number and I'll call her in the morning

Stop worrying

HER-Yesterday at 11:12 PM

I don't know if she'd want her number given out

I don't know

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:12 PM

Stop saying negative stuff like that

HER-Yesterday at 11:12 PM

It's true

I know it is

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:12 PM

Look

HER-Yesterday at 11:12 PM

I've seen it so many times

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:13 PM

If you keep having that mindset

HER-Yesterday at 11:13 PM

I form a connection with someone

They hate me

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:13 PM

If you keep saying those things

You will make them come true

You will push people away

Because of your paranoia it will come off as you not trusting your friends

And nobody wants to be friends with someone if they aren't trusted

Trust in me and [blank] alright?

If she hated you I don't think she would have given you her phone number

HER-Yesterday at 11:15 PM

She gave it before the hate

The hate is recent

I truested [blank]

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:15 PM

Look it's almost midnight here and I'm tired

HER-Yesterday at 11:15 PM

Please don't hate me too

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:16 PM

Give me a log of your last conversation and I'll analyze it and see if there's any reason to doubt [blank]

I want you to stop acting like it's already over

Like I said, if you keep doing stuff like that

Keep saying stuff like that

You will make it come true yourself because you end up deeming yourself unworthy of friends

But you are loved

HER-Yesterday at 11:17 PM

no.. no no.. I don't like doing that

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:17 PM

So stop saying bad things

Stop making it worse

HER-Yesterday at 11:18 PM

It is over tho... I've seen this before

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:18 PM

Try to keep convincing yourself otherwise

I can't keep talking to a brick wall like this. You're unmoving

You really do not want to feel better apparently

HER-Yesterday at 11:19 PM

With Naomi.. with others.. I've tusted they might come back..

I've seen it too often

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:19 PM

Sometimes people grow apart

It's not uncommon

It sucks but it's not the end of the world

HER-Yesterday at 11:20 PM

But we was fine a week ago... I just got worried about the idea of her bringing Bella...

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:20 PM

I had a friend for nine years

And had to break off the friendship

HER-Yesterday at 11:20 PM

Because she's an illigal breed and I also don't trust her destructivness

Zeoia-Yesterday at 11:21 PM

My brother and his best friend stopped being friends last year. Childhood friends.

They grew apart

It happens

It hurts but it happens

Again I don't know what happened w you and [blank] so I can't say either way

Just give me time

Please be patient

It is almost midnight and I am very tired

June 12, 2018

HER-Today at 12:16 AM

... Another friend was back to add friend too... but I was on the phone to her when I noticed so it was confirmed she didn't hate me... and it must've done it its self..

Zeoia-Today at 12:16 AM

So it's a discord error

HER-Today at 12:16 AM

Maybe...

I don't know

Zeoia-Today at 12:17 AM

I told you that you were jumping to conclusions

HER-Today at 12:17 AM

I don't know

Zeoia-Today at 12:17 AM

Technology does weird shit all the time

Eating messages, removing friends, altering settings

It's not uncommon

HER-Today at 12:20 AM

"Your message could not be delivered because you don't share a server with the recipient or you disabled direct messages on your shared server, recipient is only accepting direct messages from friends, or you were blocked by the recipient."

Goes back to panic

Zeoia-Today at 12:23 AM

If it accidentally removed friends for you then it would also have removed you from her list

Anyway I'm sleepy

Gnight

HER-Today at 12:56 AM

I don't know if me and the other person were ever friends or just server buddies now

HER-Today at 5:05 AM

You still show as a mutual friend on her thing... it is clear now she hates me and this is targeted at me.. The worst thing is dreaming about it.. waking up and it's still real.

Zeoia-Today at 5:05 AM

Stop it stop it stop it.

Your negative thinking, your constant pessimist views on everything, they're exhausting, even for the people who still love and care about you.

I got a response from her and she told me herself that she doesn't hate you

But your behavior is extremely upsetting

It's exhausting

HER-Today at 5:08 AM

I don't know what I said

Zeoia-Today at 5:08 AM

I don't know either

HER-Today at 5:08 AM

I didn't know she was getting upset

Zeoia-Today at 5:08 AM

Give me a moment I am on mobile

HER-Today at 5:09 AM

She told me if there was problems she'd tell me first

Zeoia-Today at 5:10 AM

I don't hate her. I am managing okay. I unfriended her for my sanity. I've told her in the past what my problem was and she hasn't done anything to stop. I cut her from my life so I wouldn't keep getting upset. I can't demand her to change. I can't expect her to change. I've told her my problem and hoped she would improve. That never happened. What I can do is remove myself from the situation.

If you want you can reassure her that I'm managing okay, I don't hate her, and I already told her my issue. I am removing myself from the situation so I don't keep getting upset. She should accept that and stop dragging others into her messes.

Directly from [blank] herself.

HER-Today at 5:10 AM

I don't understand

Zeoia-Today at 5:11 AM

ARE YOU READING WHAT I JUST POSTED

look I just woke up to go to the bathroom but I decided to check on you before going back to sleep

Excuse me for being blunt but I'm not sure beating around the bush is going to help.

You need a lot of mental help from a counselor. Your behavior makes people very upset. You are always talking about bad things and are always upset about something.

HER-Today at 5:14 AM

I can't think what promote

Problem

Zeoia-Today at 5:14 AM

I don't hate you. I don't think anyone hates you

LISTEN TO ME.

I am telling you right now

Stop thinking. Stop typing. LISTEN.

HER-Today at 5:15 AM

She told me she was able to handle it better

Zeoia-Today at 5:15 AM

She thought she was

Look

Stop

Stop typing

Do not make any more thoughts with your brain on the subject

[blank] is a strong person. She has been through a lot of shit. But even when people are strong, there are some things that weigh them down and they will wear a smile anyway, even if they are hurting

I'm in a similar situation with someone where I have to limit contact for my fucking sanity

I don't hate them. There wasn't just one instance of a problem

Just overall we don't mix well

Until you get help, you are probably going to end up pushing people away again

I don't want to upset you. I don't want you to think that I hate you

But I have to be honest

You keep saying stuff like "it's going to happen, I know it" and inviting yourself to just fucking fulfill that prophecy

HER-Today at 5:21 AM

She proved it

Zeoia-Today at 5:21 AM

Get. Some. Help.

See a counselor

HER-Today at 5:21 AM

THEY DON'T WANT TO

Zeoia-Today at 5:21 AM

Your friends are not counselors

HER-Today at 5:22 AM

They see me all fine.

Zeoia-Today at 5:22 AM

What kinda fucking bullshit counselors are you seeing that don't see that there's a problem

HER-Today at 5:23 AM

They don't see me on the floor screaming because I've got emotional intensity disorder

Zeoia-Today at 5:23 AM

I DEMAND you to go looking into more counselors

I DEMAND you to show them our chat log from today

Like, save this chat log. Fucking save all of it

I want you to get better because at this rate you are going to believe yourself into a permanent state of"the whole world is against me"

HER-Today at 5:26 AM

I want to talk to [blank]... We was going to do adventures... she told me we'd do adventures... does she think I was being emotionally manipulative.. that was her big issue before..

I'm already there

Zeoia-Today at 5:29 AM

Yeah, you are emotionally manipulative. I'm sorry for being honest but you are literally right here right now, in my direct messages, demanding to know what you did to make [blank] upset. You are extremely clingy from what I can tell, and it is probably because you have abandonment issues.

This behavior probably upsets [blank] a lot more than you think because she just got out of a very toxic relationship with someone. Y'know. The one where she had to move because she was abused

HER-Today at 5:30 AM

I know

But I can't even think when I was doing it

Zeoia-Today at 5:31 AM

I'm aware

That is your problem.

You don't realize when you are upsetting people

You don't know how manipulative you can get. You are tugging at me currently, because [blank] is no longer there for you

I didn't just go through a terrible divorce with a manipulative lying prick so I can handle your manipulative behavior a bit better

But you have to fucking get some help

Do not just give up

Look at it like a video game. Do you get further in a video game just by being all like "oh, the characters told me I can't go this way even though it's the only way to the next area"

You need to get better and the only way you can get better is to demand that someone fucking help you

Who is currently in your life right now? IRL I mean.

HER-Today at 5:35 AM

No. I do give up. I can't do this. I can't do this screaming.. I didn't try to manipulate her into anything. I always told her things were ultimately her choice. Yes I got upset with the dog idea but it was still ultimately up to her. I just might've liked her to stay elsewhere...

Zeoia-Today at 5:36 AM

You are too upset all the time

HER-Today at 5:36 AM

It comes with the fucking disorder.

Zeoia-Today at 5:36 AM

I know that

And you need to get more help for it

Don't tell me they won't help

Because I know there's someone out there who can and will help

HER-Today at 5:37 AM

The government has cut their resources so much

Zeoia-Today at 5:38 AM

Okay? I live in shit hole America where we have to pay out the ass just to get a fucking checkup

Use your fucking resources.

HER-Today at 5:38 AM

I'm fucking trying

Zeoia-Today at 5:39 AM

You are on the internet right now

Google shit. Look for local support groups.

Look for meetups..group counseling. Something

I can't do this for you

I'm also mentally ill

My mother is mentally ill

My mom went through abuse and is also manipulative and doesn't always see what she does wrong

HER-Today at 5:41 AM

calls 999

Zeoia-Today at 5:41 AM

But she still has her shit together to the point where she can try to get some fucking help

What city do you live in

I'll Google shit for you but don't depend on me to do everything for you

HER-Today at 5:42 AM

Crawley west sussex

Zeoia-Today at 5:42 AM

Because if I end up having to babysit you, you will in fact end up pushing me away

HER-Today at 5:43 AM

I'm getting a bloody ambulance

Zeoia-Today at 5:45 AM

What is your disorder

I'm going to make our conversation publicly available and ask around for help because I really don't want you suffering like this

HER-Today at 5:46 AM

Boarderline

Zeoia-Today at 5:46 AM

Okay

Borderline personality disorder?

HER-Today at 5:47 AM

Yes

Zeoia-Today at 6:00 AM

I will try to find someone who is also living with borderline personality disorder

But is taking steps to get better

Because it's clear to me that you are not

And I don't know how to handle someone who has the disorder

I made a post but I will try again later. We aren't going to see instant results

This shit takes time

But you yourself need to try to get hel

Help

You have to want to get better

Again, I don't know how to deal with the disorder so I'm probably not the best person to be telling you what to do

But there are plenty of other people out there with the disorder you can talk to and get help from

But I'm not one of those people

I must sleep. I have been getting headaches due to lack of sleep. Good night.

HER-Today at 6:10 AM

I'm in an ambulance being taken to see an emergency psych

It was the only way I could think to get help now

The thing is they take so long to see you I'll be slightly calmer when they talk to me. Then decide I'm ok..

I'm scared of things being public.. they'll think I'm stupid

HER-Today at 9:25 AM

Been given the mental health line number (again) and a thing to calm me down and sent home. No follow up.. but they think my GP should review my medication.(edited)

https://sussexrecoverycollege.org.uk/ Also this..

Zeoia-Today at 12:02 PM

I can't today. Please don't keep messaging me about your problems today. I need help. I'm suffering and hurting and I won't be able to see an affordable doctor for three fucking months. I'm sorry but I just don't have the mental stability to deal with both of our problems. Not right now.

Zeoia-Today at 2:03 PM

I’m not going to be responsible for anyone else’s emotions, actions and behaviors. It’s impossible. I have pointed out the problem previously to her. I will not keep myself in a situation that constantly hurts both of us. I can’t change her but I can change the situation.

I don’t like the statement about being her favorite person. It’s a type of manipulative wording used in the guilt game. I don’t play that game. HER is the only one who can fix this and it is her choice to make and act on. I suggest you don’t try to talk me into ‘fixing things’ because if it’s worded like the above statement I am going to get annoyed.

[blank] told me this. And I told you the same thing. You need to help you.

Anyway do not respond to this. I really don't want to talk about your problems right now because I'm in a super shitty health situation and the last thing I need is something stressing me out to the point of hospitalization.

https://www.westsussexconnecttosupport.org/s4s/WhereILive/Council?pageId=988 Hi - this is a link to information re Mental Health Services in West Sussex, hope it helps. Your friend can call the Samaritans on 116 123. Hope it all works out.

Zeoia-Today at 6:27 PM

"One of doggos turned out to be a professionally trained service dog. Eddie wasn’t a perfect match but he helped me so much. I had to put him down on the 31st of May. I’m trying to train my other doggo (a pittie) to do some of the similar tasks. I mentioned bringing Bella with me when I go to the UK (pitties are banned there). She freaked out and tried to manipulate me into not keeping my doggo with me. I had put down my service doggo the other day and I was hurting so badly. I told her to drop it, that’s my problem. She complained to others who called her out for being selfish. I do my DnD with friends on Friday nights. She tried to call me and tried to get me to drop DnD to calm her down from a meltdown about being called out for being selfish. After that she still didn’t drop it and called Bella an illegal dog. I was so hurt and disappointed. I got livid. I avoided her for over a week because I knew I would lash out and be mean to hurt her. She kept trying to contact me with increasingly manipulative statements until I finally blocked her before I hurt someone. I had talked to her before about my issues with manipulation. I tried to wait and calm down. I am done with that kinda treatment. Now you know what made me so mad."

From [blank] herself.

She tried to explain. And I tried to tell you. But it's like it goes through one ear and out the other. You need serious help from mental health specialists. You can't keep on attaching to people the way you do because it hurts them.

HER-Today at 6:28 PM

I had paranoia about the dog.

Zeoia-Today at 6:29 PM

Drop the thing about the dog.

Stop focusing on the dog.

HER-Today at 6:29 PM

I was struggling myself

Zeoia-Today at 6:29 PM

That is not the only issue.

[blank] has been through too much shit to be able to handle someone with borderline personality disorder.

She literally just got out of a manipulative and abusive relationship and you are here, saying manipulative things. She tried to be patient with you. But she didn't have to. She tried to because she cared. And she still cares.

But your dependence on her was not healthy for either of you. And if you try to depend on me, I guarantee you I will drop you like a hot pan.

I am not here to be manipulated. I am not here to be used. I am not here to be a counselor. I'm trying to offer advice, but I can't help you seek assistance. Especially when I'm trying to figure out how to deal with becoming physically disabled. So stop it. Just. Stop complaining. Stop trying manipulate other people to deal with your problems. Stop depending on others to do shit for you. Keep going to therapy. Going to groups. Looking up resources. It's your life. You have control over what you do. not me.

HER-Today at 6:33 PM

I WASN'T TRYING TO MANIPULATE TTHINGS(edited)

I was nervous about having a dog!

Zeoia-Today at 6:33 PM

Lisa.

It's not about the dog.

HER-Today at 6:33 PM

It clearly fuckiing started it

Zeoia-Today at 6:33 PM

Let me tell you something.

You say sad and upsetting things a lot.

It is very very tiring.

HER-Today at 6:35 PM

I AM NOT MANIPULATING HER

I AM NI

Zeoia-Today at 6:35 PM

no you aren't.

because you aren't in touch with her anymore.

HER-Today at 6:35 PM

She is making shit up!!

Zeoia-Today at 6:35 PM

nor are you in touch with me. get some help.

HER-Today at 6:35 PM

I DID TODAY

Zeoia-Today at 6:35 PM

NOT JUST TODAY. ALL THE TIME. GET. SOME. HELP.

Goodbye.

#shadowlady speaks #long post #like honestly if i fucked up go ahead and call me out on my shit #because i dont know how to deal with borderline #i can barely deal with my own depression #i really wanted to help her i truly did #but for my own sanity i cant get too involved

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