#but yeah. again. late night ramblings. take with a grain of salt in case i have to come back and fix some of it when i can actually

[meatriarchived]

i cannot sleep for the life of me due to nausea, im running on maybe like. twenty solid minutes of the Essence of Sleep™ than any substantial sleep so. whatevers below may not make a lick of sense etc but imma just ramble until maybe my eyes kinda tucker out on me and whenever i become more human again ill revisit this so. possibly take it with a grain of salt

and also possible cw in the just case i ramble about anything like g.ore / injury / murder what have you. also nothing is meant to like. pigeonhole interactions into what this mess might have in it. i am simply wordvomiting at this point from lack of rest fingerguns

so when i think about the, what, i think they said roughly a month that maria's been missing? ( dont quote me pls but thats the estimated timeframe i have in my head so if its not then.... vague hand gestures ) with the implication that she's been captive so long, obviously comes with some thread-pulling on the usual M.O. of the family, which is typically yknow, kill quickly get the body taken care of so ideally no ones' missing their loved ones long enough to follow any trails. which, in that case, would mean that more than likely maria ( maybe others in the past ) were kept around as a plaything of sorts, a thing to toy with, to break.

and while i could see it being done so by johnny, for whatever his motive could possibly be to keep her alive for any prolonged period of time. frankly? i could more easily see her being kept alive for so long because of nancy. if maybe its just the womans' vitriolic nature that compels her to do so with a random victim from time to time, esp with her voicelines about some conjured up "attraction" regarding johnny on marias' part ( no ), its like. i could so easily see the woman being a big part of why they didn't kill her off as quickly - to teach her a lesson? to taunt her needlessly? to take out her sick anger on? who knows. but thats what im more inclined to at the moment when it comes to how i portray maria, esp in her Living aus.

its partly why ive got the itch in the back of my mind tho to possibly take on nancy when shes released ( i want to have more info on her esp before i decide to or not ). the woman just has so much venom in her and as much as it compels me to wanna hoist her up and throw her at a wall, shes like the hoyt of the game so far - theyre meant to be disgustingly cruel and vile and disturbing characters. but shes such a... nice foil in a sense to both luda and to maria.

like luda's not unfamiliar to killing, shes got blood on her hands in spite of her age, but shes not unnecessarily violent like nancy. luda harms or kills to get the job done - nancy has too much fun with it, she seems like she likes to take her time with people she fixates on and she seems as if she'd going out of her way to cause an abundance of unneeded harm to her victims. id argue that luda is respected in the family for her guidance and her role as matriarch, nancys' just lowkey straight-up feared to a degree because of how 0 - 10000 she can get. i can see them losing alot of potential food because she just...frankly goes way too far at times handling victims, that it makes the body mostly if not completely unusable to be butchered properly.

all that to say, yeah johnnys the one that herded maria to the family and sure i can see being why she wasn't killed immediately for likely just toying with her for a bit, tho with him i can feel the novelty of doing so could dwindle fairly quick; but i can see nancy being why shes still alive almost a month later, and in such rough shape yet still being kept alive ( in reference to her worse wounds being stitched up - if speaking with thomas in mind, he does enjoy sewing and will sew victims up if they arent ready or needing to be butchered right away so, could argue that he / bubba were told to do so by nancy to prolong maria's suffering. )

as for maria, in the aftermath of it all, its difficult to describe the types of injuries she definitely has because frankly when you consider the idea of her being alive for those weeks, her injuries must have been consistent and substantial, yknow? shes severely m.alnourished, severely dehydrated. physically shes a complete wreck and i truly think that until she saw ana and her friends? she'd gotten to the point of being shut down to it all and was simply waiting for death to take her in its arms ( which, i think if we think about nancy having a hand in keeping her so long, the lack of fight / reaction likely set her off in a different way than she's used to victims behaving and made her want to prolong marias life just to spite her ). like. at the end of it all, these people genuinely terrify and disgust and have t.raumatized her so badly, imagine being in her position for weeks.

maria's entire worldview and thoughts on people in general were so severely trampled on by this one singular family unit; she could never blindly trust people again, paranoia of being followed like she was, flinching from physical contact with people. she feels a shiver of fear when people smile broadly because she views it as having a sinister motive behind it. so much of her trust and willingness to see a shred of good in people by default just, shattered completely.

to note: i am still awake and my eyes are not tired yet and i am internally sobbing cause at this point im not going to get any sleep until later in the day cause i have errands to run in a couple hrs but im gonna cut this here dsfbjhkas

i'll end it here tho by noting that, should this make sense in terms of nancy by the time shes in game and all, then theres a good chance she'll ( unfortunately ) be added but also

in terms of the slightest sliver of a chance that, should one of the friends locate maria years after shes gone off to the pacific north west on her own and tell her about the plans to return to the house?

imma just be real and say maria may or may not wanna beat the ever-loving shit outta nancy if she somehow still has the audacity to be breathing- dsasdjk

#dont mind middle of the night-early morning renee im quite literally operating on a half bottle of warm water; a collective maybe half hr of #actual sleep / more like a powernap; and three m.ilano cookies. i am the tired. #my hc tag refuses to show and at this point i cannot be arsed to hunt if down to copypaste basdfhj #but yeah. again. late night ramblings. take with a grain of salt in case i have to come back and fix some of it when i can actually #function a little better after some actual sleep. #ill put some warning tags on. but if theres others that need to be added just shoot me an Im to let me know. #violence mention / #murder mention / #[ mf ] ── * 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐘. { maria. }

[elisaphoenix13]

To Lose Everything...(Ch.5)

It took a couple more months for Peter to don his Spiderman suit again, and it was only because of some coaxing from Stephen. As much as he wanted to keep Peter inside and safe (Wong had teasingly called him Mom again when he mentioned this to him), the teen was getting antsy. He didn't even realize that he missed being Spiderman. Stephen told him to try a couple of hours out and if he still wasn't ready, he could return home and try later. Peter wasn't not ready, he just decided that it would be best to go out on a gradient. Two hours turned into four, then six...then eventually he stayed out until the curfew that Stephen had set. The curfew wasn't entirely strict in the regards that if Peter was dealing with something close to curfew, he was to tell either Stephen or Wong.

That had only happened once so far, and Peter got home ten minutes after and apologized. He really was a good kid. The teen always looked exhilarated after his patrol, and also a bit tired, and Stephen would just send him up to bed with a glass of water and a late night snack. Something healthy that wouldn't give him much energy but would at least fill him up enough so that he wasn't waking up in the middle of the night with a growling stomach. That had happened one night, and no matter how quiet Peter tried to be, he had still woken up Wong and felt terrible about it. Stephen had to come up with the solution to give him a snack because Peter wouldn't go back down to the kitchen in the middle of the night for fear of waking one of them.

Then, one of Stephen's newest fears had come to fruition. Peter had gotten hurt during patrol and Karen was the one to call him (a protocol that the teen changed with Ned's help to contact either Stephen or Wong instead. Happy was kept on in case they weren't available).

The Sorcerer Supreme had been reading when he got the dreaded call. "What is it Peter?" He asks when he answers the call.

"Doctor Strange, Peter has been shot and he's losing an alarming amount of blood--" Karen's voice filters through the phone and Stephen jumps to his feet.

"Where?!"

When Karen gives him Peter's location, he shouts to Wong about the situation as he creates a portal and steps through. The sight that met him had his heart clenching and the blood draining from his face. Peter was face down in an alley with a pool of blood surrounding him, and completely motionless. Stephen rushes over and falls to his knees beside the teen and quickly looks over his wounds to assess the damage. To his relief, Peter had groaned at being moved and the sorcerer cloaks the entrance to the alleyway before he pulls off the kid's mask.

"No...no...can't see me..." Peter protests weakly.

"It's okay Peter. It's only me." Stephen soothes immediately and starts on checking for exit wounds. It wouldn't be a good idea to move him right now.

"Hehe..." The teen snickers and the doctor immediately chalks that up to shock from blood loss. "Hey Doctor Strange?" Stephen only grunts to let the boy know he was listening. If it kept him awake, he would listen. "You're kinda like a mom...you know that?" Stephen falters for only half a second before focusing on healing Peter. "You hug me even though I know that's not your thing...sometimes send me to bed with a juice box..." Peter giggles again at that. "And I know you astral project to watch me sometimes. Wong told on you."

Stephen listens to Peter ramble about all the 'motherly' things that the sorcerer does but only takes it with a grain of salt. Peter was in shock and he wouldn't even remember any of it in the morning. It didn't mean that he didn't feel good hearing about it though. It showed how much Peter had noticed what Stephen was doing for him, and how appreciative he was.

"...you have a mom smell too." Peter says matter-of-factly.

Stephen chuckles. "A mom smell?"

"Yup...you smell like tea leaves and that stuff you burn...what's it called?"

"Incense?"

"Yeah...that stuff." Peter slurs as he begins to lose consciousness. "Smells like home now..." He then blinks rapidly to momentarily clear his undoubtedly blackening vision. "You have big Mom energy...I'm gonna call you that now."

Stephen tilts his head as he finishes healing the boy. "Call me what?"

"Mom." Peter replies as he finally loses his battle with sleep and nods off against Stephen's thigh, where the sorcerer had placed his head moments before.

Wong had been right, but Peter wouldn't remember this would he? It actually kind of...hurt. He genuinely wouldn't mind if the teen called him that, because he was finding out very fast how easy it was to get attached to Peter. His happiness was contagious (now that they were getting the old Peter back), and even Wong hadn't minded it when the teen sat on the ceiling above them while they studied, eating chips. When a Dorito fell out of his hand and landed in Stephen's open book, the doctor merely picked it up and ate it...then motioned for more. It turned into a comfortable setting. Peter would sometimes sit with them while they read and usually brought a snack that they would all share between them.

Stephen sighs and pulls Peter into his arms as he moves back to his feet, and dismisses the illusion at the mouth of the alley before stepping back through the portal he had arrived in. It closes behind him as he carries Peter up to the teen's room, and after he double checks the boy's injuries, puts him in bed and sits in the desk chair.  He was just going to make sure Peter really was okay before he started dinner. The kid had only been out on patrol for a couple of hours and--

An unwelcome shift from the Sanctum alerted Stephen minutes later and he audibly growled. Someone was trying to attack the Sanctum and Stephen really wasn't in the mood. He stands (sparing a glance back at Peter to make sure he was sleeping), and makes his way down to the foyer as magic crackles in his hands. He was beyond upset. His kid was hurt and someone had the audacity to attack his Sanctum?! Not today. He levitates down the rest of the way with the cloak's help and a couple of rogue sorcerers actually flinch back when he comes into their view. Even Wong looked a little frightened.

"Sorcerer Supreme--" One of the rogues start and Stephen snarls.

"NOT...NOW!" He shouts and release a wave of magic as multiple portals open and drag the small group of rogues into them before they have a chance to say anything more. 

Once the portals close, Wong looks up at him in bewilderment. "Why haven't you done that before?"

Stephen inhales deeply to calm himself and the magic at his hands slowly dissipates. "Do what?"

"Stephen...your eyes were glowing green. You banished five rogues with just a thought!" Wong exclaims and Stephen blinks.

"I...didn't know I could do that." He confesses.

Wong studies him for a few moments and then his eyes fill with understanding. "I think it's because you had nothing to lose before."

Stephen levitates down completely onto the first landing of the stairwell and looks at his hands in wonderment. He had conjured powerful magic with a thought...and that was because he was protecting Peter. Before, he had nothing to live or die for and that was how he used his magic, but now? Now he had Peter. He had something, someone to protect. To fight for.

"...you're like a mother bear." Wong says with a smirk. "Your cub was injured and in the cave and you were protecting him."

"Enough with the analogies Wong." Stephen says dryly and turns to return to Peter's room.

"When's dinner?"

The doctor sighs heavily and climbs the stairs back up to the teen's room and finds Peter sprawled out on his bed. An indication that he was already healing and would be fine. So Stephen gives him one more look over, and pauses when Peter stirs at his touch.

"...hungry Mum..." Peter slurs sleepily.

Stephen had responded without a second thought to what the teen had just called him. "I'm about to make dinner. Just rest until it's ready." 

"Hnn...kay..."

Stephen leaves when soft snores escape the teen and makes his way down into the kitchen where he starts something quick and simple for dinner. Peter would need it to help his body replenish the blood he had lost (thankfully Peter didn't need a transfusion), and he was sure Peter would have a large appetite with how much his body was working to heal itself right now. Stephen had done most of the work, but it was only to get him out of a critical condition and be able to safely transfer him home. Large quantities of dinner was a must tonight. At least more than usual. Even he needed some sustenance. The magic he had used just minutes ago drained him quite a bit, but not enough to make him tired.

Halfway through cooking dinner, it had hit him. Peter had actually called him 'Mom'. Was he healed enough to realize it? Or maybe he was still half-asleep? Maybe Stephen would just wait and see if it happened again. If it brought it up, Peter was bound to get embarrassed and apologize.

"Smells like pasta." Peter sluggishly walks into the kitchen and sits at the table where he folds his arms and lays his head on top of them.

"With chicken." Stephen says as he turns off the stove and fills a plate for himself and the teen. "I thought I told you to rest."

"I did until I smelled food." Peter sits up when the sorcerer sets a full plate in front of him. "Thanks."

Stephen hums in acknowledgement and sits across from him to dig into his own meal, and Wong soon joins them a couple minutes later. Stephen knew the smell of food would lure the other man, so he hadn't bothered shouting. Their meal passed quietly, not quiet silently since they still held conversations, but not as loud as usual because Peter was tired and sore from his earlier wounds and didn't have the energy to ramble about his day.

"Are you in pain?" Stephen asks and Peter shrugs.

"Not so much anymore. Your magic helped a lot."

The doctor stops his fork halfway to his mouth and looks at Peter incredulously. "Wait...you remember everything?"

Peter blushes. "Uh...yeah...sorry about that."

Stephen smiles softly. "I don't mind."

Wong looks between the two of them. "What? What happened?"

"Nothing." Stephen says at the same time Peter says, "I called him Mom."

"Thanks kid." Wong says and Peter looks at him in confusion.

"For what?"

Stephen silently hands over some cash and Wong beams. "You made me fifty bucks richer and proved me right."

#peter parker #stephen strange #wong #mama bear stephen strange

[scoacdk-blog]

Chapter One: 4 words can change your life

So from my introduction you know that over the past 36 hours my life has gone from somewhat normal to basically fucked. I know you are wondering “why?”. I’m about to tell you exactly why. This is the completely raw unfiltered version. I’m going to try to keep things to the point but I ramble. So bear with me, I’m new to writing about my life.

It’s funny how a seemingly normal day can turn out to be the worst days of your life. I got up at 11am, you will learn very quickly about me I do not get up early. I am a night owl, this is mostly due to the fact I have insomnia and most nights don’t end up asleep till 3 or 4. Of course this doesn’t make much of a difference since the time I got up has nothing to do with how fucked my day turned out. I ran some errands and went about as usual. I came home and ended up chilling outside in my backyard for a bit. My mom comes out to hang with me and my sister (my only other sibling). We are all just exchanging small talk. Shortly there after my dad comes out, walking with a purpose, I can tell he’s pissed about something. Here’s the thing, my dad is always pissed about something, there can never be a time where he just lets go of his anger. He can be downright nasty sometimes. You just have to take him being pissed with s grain if salt since he has always got a chip on his shoulder.

He asks firmly to talk to my mom and my mom replies with “What’s up?”

He says “Oh, I think you know what’s up.”

My sister and I raise a brow and my mom, before I can see her expression, is jumping up and quickly walking away with my dad. They couldn’t even get five feet away before he began raising his voice at her. He was talking so fast I couldn’t even understand what he was saying.

Another thing to note is that arguing is very normal between them. Believe you me it gets heated too. Nothing ever physical, but they raise there voices as high as they can go and just verbally abuse the shit out of each other. I realize this is a toxic relationship, but multiple times I have asked my mom to consider divorce and she always said she will but nothing has ever come of it.

My sister and I are still chilling in the yard, close enough to here the screaming match, but far enough away that we couldn’t make out what they were saying.

Cami, my sister turns to me and asks “Do you think it’s about us?” She turned her head and nods it towards the verbal match happening behind us.

“I can never even guess anymore, it’s probably dumb shit anyways. They argue about dumb stuff a lot lately.” I said. I pretty much brushed off whatever their argument was about. I’m the back of my mind I just thought it will come to an end in a few minutes when they get tired of yelling. They sulk around for a bit and then everything will go back to the fake happy environment we normally live in.

“Yeah you’re right.” Cami says. The worry in her voice is gone.

Cami is 3 years older then me, but I consider one of my best friends. We are very close, just take my word for it. Though since Cami is 3 years older you’re probably wondering how old that makes me. I am 17 soon to be 18. Cami has not moved out due to the cost of living where she attends college. It is close to my home and gives us a flexible schedule. I am no longer in a public school due to my anxiety and depression. So I do school from home, that is why I am so close with Cami. We are basically with each other 24/7, we help each other cope with the messy relationship we have with our parents.

Our relationship with our parents is a whole other story. Possibly a back story chapter soon. It’s to much to explain in this one. Just know that Cami and I have been put through a lot of shit because of our parents. Primarily just throwing us in the middle of arguments and making us feel bad about not taking sides. I feel like I need to make a point that there has NEVER EVER been any physical abuse, but the emotional and verbal abuse make up for it.

You need to know these things before I proceed with the story, especially since it sets some of the pretense for the way I feel.

Cami and I are just chilling on our phones when the arguing stops. I hear our back door slam and my mom comes walking, quickly.

As she gets about ten feet away she says “Well your dad and I are getting a divorce.”

Cami and I proceed to look at each other like ‘what the fuck?’. She’s talked about it but never actively said they ARE getting a divorce, just said she’s thought about it.

Cami and I both say at the same time “what the fuck happened?”

My mom sits down and says “I slept with Chris.” She couldn’t even look at us.

In this moment my world came crashing down upon me. These four words turned the normal day I was having into the worst night of my life. It took seconds, mere seconds for my life change completely. It took four words. Four words that housed more weight than boulders do.

I knew about Chris, I knew she liked him, but I never knew that things would turn physical. She had asked me about Chris, I said if it makes you happy then go for it. Just do it the right way and get a divorce first. She agreed with me. She had been texting him for maybe month and got really caught up. She met him through work, he is a independent contractor for the company she is employed at.

I was confused by the development of their friendship, she always said he came on strong at first and that she thought he was a creep. Then things started taking a turn, she started texting him and writing to him through emails. She was sloppy with the way she hid her ongoing conversations. I knew something was up, I even threatened to tell my dad if she kept pursuing this thing with Chris. I just didn’t feel like being a passenger to her bad decisions any,ore and at some point just checked out and decided to let her figure it out. I honest to god thought she would do the right thing.

I guess she wanted attention since my father rarely gave her any anymore though. He was so caught up with his own self created drama he rarely paid attention to any of us. He paid attention when he had to and that was about 30% of the time.

One day a few weeks back she brought Chris to the house. She said he was dropping something off for work. She did it while my father wasn’t home, I didn’t think anything of this at the time but now I know she did it because my dad would’ve realized something was going on. I feel sick now that I was even nice to the man. We even talked real estate, a topic I am very fond of. A topic I will know resent for probably the rest of my life.

In ways I feel like I am responsible for what happen, I encouraged her to be with him if it would make her happy. I did back that up with my ‘do it the tight easy though’ lecture. I NEVER told her it was okay to do anything physical (I am vomiting a little bit every time I acknowledge this.) I thought she was smarter than that, that she would think about Cami and I.

My brain wanted to vomit up the information that it was receiving but word by word my mom just kept cramming it back down.

Apparently she had stopped by his house last week and that’s when things happened. It makes me so physically ill to think about, I am disturbed, sick, distraught and many more words, but I could go on for a while with word describing my absolute disgust towards the whole thing. In the back of my mind I wonder if this was really the first and only time. She had been staying later at work quite a few times in the past few weeks, so did it happen more than once? I am to afraid to ask, it’ll just hurt me all over again if the answer is yes.

Just the fact that your know your parent had sex with someone else is enough to want to go crawl into a hole and die. I have never been so disgusted in my life and I have seen some pretty fucked up things in my day.

Basically to sum it up my dad called us all back into the house and said he wanted mom to let us know what she did. He began berating her in front of us calling her a whore and slut. Telling her how fucked up she is. Then when that stopped all you could hear was silence.

My dad went to his bedroom when he realized Cami and I were not going to start taking sides. I’m sure he was disappointed that we didn’t say how fucked up what she did was, but boy was I thinking it. My mother is a very fragile person though, so I was worried that if I said anything she would try and kill herself. It’s an irrational fear but I don’t want to be the reason something happens to my mom.

I am disgusted with what she did, even though I can’t let her know it. She keeps apologizing and acting like I am going to say it’s okay and things will be butterflies and rainbows. Unfortunately it is going to be a long ass road to reconciliation for all of us. Right now it’s basically Cami and I taking care of ourselves. They are going to file for the divorce as soon as possible. In some ways I wish I was a kid. Kids are shielded from all the nitty gritty details of divorce when they are young. Things are kept as normal as possible for them. When you become an adult you understand things, you’re expected to take the shit that hits the fan.

I feel angry, upset, and hurt. My mother has always told me she would never do anything to hurt Cami and I, but she just ruined my life. I feel like my whole life has been a lie. My mom who I looked up to, just became a compete stranger. She threw twenty years of marriage and her relationship with her two kids out the door.

I have never felt as unwelcome in my own house as I do know. The tension could be cut with a knife. No one is speaking and we are all just tip toeing around each other.

My mom expects me to forgive her, my dad expects me to take his side. I am so lost and confused, i feel like I am dreaming. I think that maybe if I pinch myself enough I will wake up from the hell I am currently living. I half expected for me to walk back in my house and my parents tell my they are joking. Alas I know this is not the case and that this time I don’t think my relationship with my parents can be mended.

I feel awful for my dad, but I am so hurt by the way he is acting. It sucks.

Whatever, I’ll get through it. Cami and I are discussing moving somewhere else and changing our names (no, for real) so our parents can’t find us.

For the first time in 17 years my parents have become strangers, I don’t even know who they are anymore.

Sucks to be me.

Chapter 2 is coming soon, probably tomorrow same time. I just want to say if someone is going through something similar and wants to talk it out, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I’m hoping that I can reach a few people through this blog and let them know they aren’t alone.

With love, E

#divorce #chapter 1