#actual sleep / more like a powernap; and three m.ilano cookies. i am the tired.

[meatriarchived]

i cannot sleep for the life of me due to nausea, im running on maybe like. twenty solid minutes of the Essence of Sleep™ than any substantial sleep so. whatevers below may not make a lick of sense etc but imma just ramble until maybe my eyes kinda tucker out on me and whenever i become more human again ill revisit this so. possibly take it with a grain of salt

and also possible cw in the just case i ramble about anything like g.ore / injury / murder what have you. also nothing is meant to like. pigeonhole interactions into what this mess might have in it. i am simply wordvomiting at this point from lack of rest fingerguns

so when i think about the, what, i think they said roughly a month that maria's been missing? ( dont quote me pls but thats the estimated timeframe i have in my head so if its not then.... vague hand gestures ) with the implication that she's been captive so long, obviously comes with some thread-pulling on the usual M.O. of the family, which is typically yknow, kill quickly get the body taken care of so ideally no ones' missing their loved ones long enough to follow any trails. which, in that case, would mean that more than likely maria ( maybe others in the past ) were kept around as a plaything of sorts, a thing to toy with, to break.

and while i could see it being done so by johnny, for whatever his motive could possibly be to keep her alive for any prolonged period of time. frankly? i could more easily see her being kept alive for so long because of nancy. if maybe its just the womans' vitriolic nature that compels her to do so with a random victim from time to time, esp with her voicelines about some conjured up "attraction" regarding johnny on marias' part ( no ), its like. i could so easily see the woman being a big part of why they didn't kill her off as quickly - to teach her a lesson? to taunt her needlessly? to take out her sick anger on? who knows. but thats what im more inclined to at the moment when it comes to how i portray maria, esp in her Living aus.

its partly why ive got the itch in the back of my mind tho to possibly take on nancy when shes released ( i want to have more info on her esp before i decide to or not ). the woman just has so much venom in her and as much as it compels me to wanna hoist her up and throw her at a wall, shes like the hoyt of the game so far - theyre meant to be disgustingly cruel and vile and disturbing characters. but shes such a... nice foil in a sense to both luda and to maria.

like luda's not unfamiliar to killing, shes got blood on her hands in spite of her age, but shes not unnecessarily violent like nancy. luda harms or kills to get the job done - nancy has too much fun with it, she seems like she likes to take her time with people she fixates on and she seems as if she'd going out of her way to cause an abundance of unneeded harm to her victims. id argue that luda is respected in the family for her guidance and her role as matriarch, nancys' just lowkey straight-up feared to a degree because of how 0 - 10000 she can get. i can see them losing alot of potential food because she just...frankly goes way too far at times handling victims, that it makes the body mostly if not completely unusable to be butchered properly.

all that to say, yeah johnnys the one that herded maria to the family and sure i can see being why she wasn't killed immediately for likely just toying with her for a bit, tho with him i can feel the novelty of doing so could dwindle fairly quick; but i can see nancy being why shes still alive almost a month later, and in such rough shape yet still being kept alive ( in reference to her worse wounds being stitched up - if speaking with thomas in mind, he does enjoy sewing and will sew victims up if they arent ready or needing to be butchered right away so, could argue that he / bubba were told to do so by nancy to prolong maria's suffering. )

as for maria, in the aftermath of it all, its difficult to describe the types of injuries she definitely has because frankly when you consider the idea of her being alive for those weeks, her injuries must have been consistent and substantial, yknow? shes severely m.alnourished, severely dehydrated. physically shes a complete wreck and i truly think that until she saw ana and her friends? she'd gotten to the point of being shut down to it all and was simply waiting for death to take her in its arms ( which, i think if we think about nancy having a hand in keeping her so long, the lack of fight / reaction likely set her off in a different way than she's used to victims behaving and made her want to prolong marias life just to spite her ). like. at the end of it all, these people genuinely terrify and disgust and have t.raumatized her so badly, imagine being in her position for weeks.

maria's entire worldview and thoughts on people in general were so severely trampled on by this one singular family unit; she could never blindly trust people again, paranoia of being followed like she was, flinching from physical contact with people. she feels a shiver of fear when people smile broadly because she views it as having a sinister motive behind it. so much of her trust and willingness to see a shred of good in people by default just, shattered completely.

to note: i am still awake and my eyes are not tired yet and i am internally sobbing cause at this point im not going to get any sleep until later in the day cause i have errands to run in a couple hrs but im gonna cut this here dsfbjhkas

i'll end it here tho by noting that, should this make sense in terms of nancy by the time shes in game and all, then theres a good chance she'll ( unfortunately ) be added but also

in terms of the slightest sliver of a chance that, should one of the friends locate maria years after shes gone off to the pacific north west on her own and tell her about the plans to return to the house?

imma just be real and say maria may or may not wanna beat the ever-loving shit outta nancy if she somehow still has the audacity to be breathing- dsasdjk

#dont mind middle of the night-early morning renee im quite literally operating on a half bottle of warm water; a collective maybe half hr of #actual sleep / more like a powernap; and three m.ilano cookies. i am the tired. #my hc tag refuses to show and at this point i cannot be arsed to hunt if down to copypaste basdfhj #but yeah. again. late night ramblings. take with a grain of salt in case i have to come back and fix some of it when i can actually #function a little better after some actual sleep. #ill put some warning tags on. but if theres others that need to be added just shoot me an Im to let me know. #violence mention / #murder mention / #[ mf ] ── * 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐘. { maria. }