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nightmareonfilmstreet · 6 years

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GREMLINS 2: THE NEW BATCH – A Retrospective Interview with Brain Gremlin

First, keep them out of bright light—especially sunlight! It’ll kill ‘em. Second, don’t give them water. Not even to drink! And third, the most important rule of them all, one you must never forget. No matter how much they cry. No matter how much they beg. NEVER feed them after midnight!

These three vague yet specific rules governed a new breed of movie monster whose impact would send shock-waves through Hollywood. This seemingly cuddly creature would rise from the ranks of B-movie monsters to find its way into multiplexes, toy stores, and our hearts. That creature was called a Mogwai and the movie was 1984’s Gremlins. It was a genre blending Christmas-horror-dark-family-comedy whose mismatched pieces came together so seamlessly that Dr. Frankenstein himself would have been jealous. Joe Dante (The Howling), Chris Columbus (The Goonies), and Steven Spielberg (Duh) teamed up to tell the story of a small town overrun by gremlins after a blundering inventor gifts a Mogwai named Gizmo to his son Billy for Christmas. Audiences were delighted and disgusted. They eagerly lined up to gut their wallets and disembowel their purses for any trite bit of plastic with Gizmo’s face on it. The studio wanted a sequel.

After an agonizing six-year wait, Warner Bros. finally got their wish. Gremlins 2: The New Batch hit theaters on June 15th, 1990 and fans relished in a sequel like none they had ever seen before (and will probably ever see again). Raising the stakes, Billy (Zach Galligan) and Kate (Phoebe Cates) leave their small town and move to New York City to work in Clamp Tower, the automated office building of the future. After Gizmo winds up in Clamp Tower’s genetics lab, chaos reigns throughout the malfunctioning superstructure. Like a cyclone on a fishing line, the film is a masterfully crafted frenzy of satirical in-jokes, social commentary, and outlandish characters. The studio, however, was not so enthused.

To celebrate this triumphant marvel of zany anarchic chaos, we sat down with one of the film’s stars, Brain Gremlin, to gain some insight into the box office blunder and cult phenomenon that is Gremlins 2: The New Batch

Mockbuster Beginnings

NIGHTMARE ON FILM STREET: Thank you so much for joining us today, Brain.

BRAIN GREMLIN: Think nothing of it, the pleasure is all mine.

NOFS: Before diving head first into Gremlins 2: The New Batch, I’d like to set the stage and touch briefly on the first film. I understand Spielberg and Dante’s relationship didn’t start on a high note.

BRAIN: It is a bit of an irregularity that friendship develops from artistic larceny. I suspect Steven was first acquainted with Joseph’s attempts at cinema after Roger Corman hired him to direct that bottom-feeding horror film Piranha. It was a flagrant attempt to capitalize on Steven’s film Jaws and everyone knew it. Universal Studios undoubtedly knew it. If memory serves there may have even been a cease and desist. Steven, being the magnanimous man he is, watched Piranha and was moved to benefaction, and the film moved forward undeterred.

NOFS: From such a rocky start, how did the two come to work together?

BRAIN: Well, imitation is the greatest form of flattery. Also I believe Steven saw something in the fledgling director. After having sent him Chris Columbus’s Gremlins script, Steven also invited Joseph to direct a segment of 1983’s Twilight Zone: The Movie. The man’s generosity is unparalleled. As you know Gremlins was an unprecedented success and gave Joseph’s career a real shot in the arm. It grossed close to 150 million domestically against an 11 million dollar budget. And that isn’t even taking into consideration the film’s inexplicable licensing potential. Naturally, talk of a sequel commenced immediately.

NOFS: Why then do you think it took Warner Bros. so long to produce a sequel?

BRAIN: Despite my antipathetic opinions toward him, Joseph Dante is an artist. He had little interest in rehashing his own work. He and Steven had both received scripts but declined due to their sheer redundancy. It wasn’t until a chance encounter years later, truly an act of providence, when Joseph ran into Terry Semel, then president of Warner Bros. Studios, on the studio lot. The man must have radiated desperation. With the promise of a new Gremlins film by the following summer, Joseph was given a sizable budget and full creative freedom. But ne’er the company man, Joseph would prove Terry’s confidence to be misplaced.

NOFS: You don’t think Dante was right for the job?

BRAIN: As I said, Joseph is an artist, but he is also an anarchist with little respect for convention. A saboteur. The sequel was a Trojan Horse from its inception. Gremlins 2 was to eliminate any possibility of a Gremlins 3. He and his screenwriting cohort, Charlie Haas, masterminded the demise of a budding franchise. The two had met on the 1979 film Over the Edge and Joseph obviously had an immediate affinity for Charles. In Twilight Zone: The Movie he named the character Charlie after his beloved chum.

Gremlins on Broadway

NOFS: I understand it was Charlie Haas’s idea to set the film in New York. How was filming in the Big Apple?

BRAIN: The studio was apprehensive about setting the film in New York City. They expected it would be quite costly. As a result, only three days of shooting actually took place in the city. Filming began in Times Square on the Friday before Memorial Day weekend. A dreadful bit of scheduling. Some of the exteriors of Clamp Tower were filmed at Park Avenue and 40th Street while the opening aerial footage of the city was pilfered directly from Superman IV: The Quest for Peace.

NOFS: If not New York, where did they shoot the rest of the film?

BRAIN: For a contributing writer at a film news source, there are some alarming gaps in your knowledge of the filmmaking process. Gremlins 2: The New Batch was filmed on a studio set. Set 15 at Warner Bros. Studios to be exact. Jim Spencer designed the interiors of Clamp Tower and really went above and beyond. The set featured functioning elevators and fully stocked retail stores. He even built a portion of the exterior of the building on set. It was truly a marvel to behold.

NOFS: Joe Dante has disclosed in interviews that 1984’s Gremlins was incredibly challenging to make and those difficulties were a large part of why he was reluctant to make a sequel. Would you say his concerns were validated?

BRAIN: Joseph approached making Gremlins 2 with the wisdom of experience. When working simultaneously with human and gremlin actors, problems can arise. I’m all for peace and harmony but some cultural gaps are just more difficult to bridge. We’re not exactly cut from the same cloth. We’re hardly the same material. With this in mind, Joseph filmed all the scenes with human actors first and then spent the remaining six weeks of production filming us gremlin actors. The most arduous scene to film was undoubtedly Gizmo’s dance number. To say he has two left feet would be an understatement. To make matters worse, once the ineffectual furball finally executed the number we learned that Billy Idol wasn’t going to grant us permission to use his tune. Thankfully, a Fats Domino number with an identical rhythm was found and Gizmo’s efforts, although pathetic, were not in vain.

NOFS: While things went a little more smoothly during the filming process, I understand the writers did not share that good fortune.

BRAIN: Joseph and Charles endured weeks of misery locked in an office as they tried to liberate themselves from the corner they had dim-wittedly written themselves into. They had planned a finale where the heroic humans would fill Clamp Tower with wet cement, trapping all the gremlins. This proved to be too expensive and the two were swiftly returned to the drawing board. The climactic scene as it appears in the final film is much more satisfying than previous iterations. The ending also further utilizes Electricity Gremlin, a first-rate character whose role up until that point had been on the chopping block.

NOFS: Famous special effects artist Rick Baker was brought on board to lend his talents and I understand he also had input on the script.

BRAIN: Chris Walas helmed the special effects department in the first film but had a scheduling conflict as he was directing another sequel, The Fly II. Rick Baker was offered the job but turned it down. To further entice the creative genius, the Slice-o-Life Genetics Lab subplot was added to the film. This gave Rick much more creative freedom and essentially the ability to alter the story through the introduction of new characters. His inclusion in the film was the impetus that essentially launched my acting career. We were tremendously appreciative of his work. Joseph was too, although he had a strange way of showing it. Octoman, Rick’s first film, appears as an in-joke during a broadcast of Grandpa Fred’s horror TV show.

NOFS: The Slice-o-Life Genetics Lab is without a doubt an essential component of the film and it’s in the lab that we meet Dr. Catheter, played by Christopher Lee. What was it like working with the horror legend?

BRAIN: Working with Christopher was a delight and a true honor. The poor boy was indeed unprepared for the degree of adoration he received from the cast and crew. Upon the completion of his final scene, to celebrate his 200th film, a small party was thrown in his honor. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house as all involved lined up to shake the hand of a true professional. I had the pleasure of filming one scene with Christopher, the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde transformation that births my character’s superior intellect. Sadly Christopher’s genetic transformation into Elvis Presley was cut before it even touched celluloid.

A Star is Genetically Engineered

NOFS: Your role is by far one of the most memorable in the film, can you tell us a little bit about the character you play?

BRAIN: Well, I essentially play myself. Go ahead, lump me in with your Fred Astaires and Bill Murrays. My character though, unlike other one-note trumpeteers, has an agenda. I recognize the potential of my race and believe we deserve more. I plan to lead my deranged brethren out from the seductive trappings of savagery to attain all the plentiful riches civilization has to offer.

NOFS: In the film we’re introduced to our first female gremlin who falls in love with Forster, a human character played by Robert Picardo. How do you feel about interspecies relationships?

BRAIN: Yes, Girl Gremlin is a truly bewitching vision of elegance. Her musical send up of Dames was inspired. On the topic of interspecies relationships, we intellectuals are a forward thinking lot. As far as I’m concerned the film has a happy ending, demonstrating the resolute tenacity of true love.

NOFS: You have a musical number as well, right?

BRAIN: Yes, an apropos tune by Frank Sinatra. It appears towards the end of the film just before little Zachery Galligan’s character unleashes his genocidal rage.

NOFS: There are a number of spectacular gremlin deaths throughout the film but the climax really manages to pack them in, including a hilarious Wizard of OZ reference. Who comes up with all these great deaths?

BRAIN: I also enjoyed the Wicked Witch death. The appearance of Lon Chaney’s Phantom complete with drop focus as he approaches the camera had me chuckling as well. The answer to your question, however, is everyone. Similarly to the first film, a morbid bit of paper scarred the set where cast and crew would scrawl their sick suggestions for gremlin death. We loathed that sheet of paper.

NOFS: Gizmo also has his fair share of torturous scenes in the film.

BRAIN: And you can bet they all made it onto my highlight reel. Gizmo embarks upon a heroes journey where he must rise to the challenge and become a warrior. He predictably fails and must rely on his human companions to shield him from harm.

NOFS: I understand many gremlin scenes were cut from the film?

BRAIN: Steven had final cut and found the film to be unbalanced. He said there were too many gremlin scenes. I’m all for equality but how many films have you seen with an entirely gremlin cast? No, don’t even bother. The answer is NONE!

Satirical Genius

[At this point in the interview Brain was becoming increasingly agitated and I had begun to fear for my safety. The question regarding gremlin scenes being cut from the film seemed to set him off. Suddenly his sharp teeth became more apparent to me as he spoke and he had a maniacal glint in his eye.]

NOFS: Let’s talk about the film’s tone. It has a cartoonish quality and even starts with a Looney Tunes cartoon.

BRAIN: Joseph grew up watching anarchic cartoons by the likes of Frank Tashlin. He applauded their irreverent lack of convention and aspired to sustain that restrained chaos throughout the film. Transcendent rebellion and subversion of popular culture were his objectives but along the way he took a wrong turn. He became the thing he sought to destroy. Joseph had become a part of popular culture. Like the man who learns he can never truly return home, he must burn it down.

NOFS: Perhaps we should shift gears a little and discuss a lighter topic. Let’s talk about cable TV and frozen yogurt.

BRAIN: Oh no, [Brain chuckles] you can’t pull the wool over these reptilian eyes. This is the dreaded prophecy question. For the sake of good sportsmanship, I’ll take the bait. Gremlins 2 has been praised for its prophetic satire of popular culture. Concepts that were conceived as jokes are now accepted norms of modern society. Some of your younger readers may not bat an eyelash at the idea of an entire channel devoted to cooking, but to audiences in 1990 it would have been comical, if not grotesque. The intent was to provide a gross exaggeration in order to highlight the excesses of the medium.

NOFS: Dante didn’t just poke fun at popular culture in general, he takes a few jabs at his own work.

BRAIN: Joseph’s self awareness is an admirable trait to be sure. He and Charles shine a light on the sheer absurdity of the supposed “cardinal rules” of rearing Mogwai as Zach’s character does his best to explain them to a skeptical audience in the building’s control room. Phoebe’s traumatic memory of Abraham Lincoln’s birthday is a call back to her laughably tragic Yuletide tale from the first film. References to Joseph’s other work crop up from time to time as well. Vectorscope Labs from the film Innerspace makes an appearance as well as a theater marquee that reads Howling 11. Not to sing the man’s praises too much but upon meeting, Christopher [Lee] apologized to Joseph for appearing in Howling 2. Real stand-up chap.

NOFS: Is Donald Trump the inspiration for the character of Daniel Clamp?

BRAIN: He may have been at one time but also remember that public perception of Donald in 1990 was very different. Clamp was originally intended to be the villain but John Glover played the role with such boyish charm that it really altered the tone of the film. However, Grandpa Fred is without a doubt modelled after Al Lewis’s Grandpa Munster.

NOFS: Did anyone have issue with the film’s satire and social commentary?

BRAIN: I can’t say Steven and Chris Columbus entirely appreciated it. There was also some controversy surrounding jokes made about the marketability of Gizmo. This was somewhat unheard of at the time. Joseph was essentially mocking the marketing and cross promotion for the film within the film itself.

The Gremsters Vs. The Hulkster

NOFS: After Leonard Maltin had given the first film a bad review, was it satisfying to see him get his just deserts in the sequel?

BRAIN: Oh yes, the gremlin community had a bit of an axe to grind with Mr. Maltin. His appearance was a way to, forgive me for mixing metaphors, bury the hatchet. We would extend the olive branch of peace but upon bending him to our will, reveal it to be the olive branch of victory.

NOFS: Did he bend to your will?

BRAIN: Well, my dear fellow I’d have to say the proof is in the numbers. Going from 2 out of 4 stars on the first film to 3 out of 4 on the second is nothing to turn your nose up at.

NOFS: Leonard Maltin was just one of many celebrity cameos in the film, but none were quite as outlandish as Hulk Hogan’s fantastic 4th wall breaking appearance.

BRAIN: It is an oddity, isn’t it. Joseph wanted to do a William Castle gag and chose 1959’s The Tingler for his inspiration. Similarly to The Tingler, our titular creatures wreak havoc inside the projection booth. However, in our film the hooligans are set straight by World Wrestling champion Hulk Hogan. The studio was dead set against this narrative detour. Joseph set up a test screening in order to prove to them that audiences would, in fact, get a kick out of it. On home video an alternate scene appears to suggest the viewer’s VCR is on the fritz. The poor gremlins would then wind up in a western. The 1970 John Wayne film Chisum was intercut with shots of gremlins and using Chad Everett’s impeccable John Wayne impression, the audience would watch as The Duke himself sends the mischief-makers fleeing back to their own film.

Box Office Blunder

NOFS: Gremlins 2: The New Batch is often referred to as a “flop” or a “bomb”. Not only did it fail to live up to its predecessor but the film didn’t even turn a profit.

BRAIN: This is true, the film had a 50 million dollar budget but only brought in 41 million.

NOFS: The film had an extensive marketing campaign of which you were prominently featured, including cross promotional ads for Comfort Inn and Clarion Hotel chains. It seems the studio had very high expectations for what Dante considers to be possibly the most unconventional studio picture ever made.

BRAIN: Call it overconfidence. The film was originally scheduled for a May 3rd release date opposite the Mel Gibson/Goldie Hawn picture Bird on a Wire. Based on high test scores, the studio got a bit big-headed and pushed the date back. We would now open opposite the highly anticipated film, Dick Tracy, starring Warren Beatty and Madonna. The material girl was quite frankly the biggest star in the world at the time and she and Beatty were a bit of a hot item. They were 1990’s Brangelina. Wadonna. Determined to protect their box office records from the previous years Batman, Warner Bros. went after Dick Tracy with a herculean might. As it turned out, the Beatty/Madonna picture posed little threat to Batman’s record. This battle of studios only had one casualty, Gremlins 2: The New Batch.

NOFS: Despite its theatrical failings, the film found a cult following on home video. What do you believe the film’s appeal is to these die-hard fans?

BRAIN: While striving to destroy his legacy, Joseph managed to touch on a societal note that, at the time, was only just a whisper. But over the years it has grown into a symphony. The veil of ignorance has fallen. Joseph and Charles created a world closer to reality than they could have possibly envisioned. Given a parodical hyper-realist version of their everyday life, the viewer steps outside of their own existence to properly examine what is truly of value in this world. What holds meaning, what creates meaning, and what destroys it. Shown what happens when our automated lives break down, the audience revels in an existential awakening. They can now leave the theater a free people once again.

NOFS: Beautifully put, Brain, and thank you again for joining us. I thought we’d end the interview by addressing a little rumor that’s been popping up on message boards in recent years. Is there going to be a Gremlins 3?

BRAIN: [Brain chuckles] Considering the current state of that vacuous void known as Hollywood? I suppose only time will tell.

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ecotone99 · 4 years

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[HM] The Weekend Writing Retreat Story

I feel like I spend so much time alone these days, and I hate it. I‘m officially taking over my tiny publishing company in about four months, and I’m so worried that I’m gonna fuck everything up. Things with my family have just been all messy ever since my mom’s accident, and I miss when we were happy and got along better. I haven’t had a girlfriend in years, and these days I’ll get depressed for like two weeks if a chick I’m into doesn’t watch my fucking instagram story. And lastly, but probably most importantly, for some reason I’m just constantly convinced that nobody likes me. And that everyone makes fun of me behind my back. And that the entire world looks at me and just sees a giant creepy old ugly loser.

Soooo...yeah. Good times.

I didn’t know how to face my problems, you guys. But I thought maybe I could just run away and forget about them for a little while.

My best friend Mark owns this little cabin in the middle of the woods somewhere like three and a half hours away. I’d been up there twice already this summer, and I really wanted to go back. Mostly because I’d found that spending a weekend in the forest with nothing to do just seemed to leave me feeling super relaxed. Whereas spending a weekend in my apartment with nothing to do just seemed to leave me feeling super shitty.

So, about two weeks ago, I started texting Mark and some of our other friends to see if anyone wanted to go camping again for a few days. Unfortunately, Mark was gonna be too busy for a while so he wouldn’t be able to go, but he said any of us could use the cabin whenever. However, the other jerks in our group text also either couldn’t go, or they, ya know, just didn’t want to. So I tried inviting a few other people, but, after a couple of days, I still sadly just couldn’t find anyone to go with me.

So I figured I could either spend another weekend alone at home worrying about my problems, or I could just spend a weekend alone at this cabin worrying about not getting eaten by wolves. And one of those sounded slightly more fun than the other.

I felt pretty pathetic going camping all by myself, but I just figured I’d call it a ‘weekend writing retreat’. Ya know, just to make it sound more like being alone was my choice.

So, this past Friday, I got out of work, loaded up my car, and simply took off with the goal of just leaving all of my stress behind for the weekend.

Soon, I was heading down the open road with the sun shining above me. I had my windows all rolled down, my music cranked as loud as possible, a cup of coffee at my side, and a bag of sour patch kids in my lap.

And, just like that, it felt like this veil of darkness was being lifted off of me. It felt like every single one of my problems were just fading away.

Then, suddenly...

“BROOOOO, HOW THE FUCK ARE WE STILL NOT THERE YET?!?”

I turned to see my best friend, Diramio, who was now sitting in the passenger seat next to me.

“Dude, chill D, we’ll be there soon. Just like another hour or so,” I replied.

“FUCK THAT. I’M CRACKING A BEER.”

“Dude, no,” I responded. “Just wait until we get there, I’m not trying to get pulled over and thrown in jail tonight.”

“BRO, YOU LITERALLY HAVEN’T STOPPED SMOKING WEED THE ENTIRE DRIVE SO FAR.”

“Yeah, well, I mean, that is a solid point,” I said smiling. “But still, fuck you, dude. My car, my rules.”

“ARE YOU EVER AT LEAST GONNA PASS ME THAT SHIT?!”

I finished hitting my bowl and slowly exhaled. Then I just looked over at him.

“...no.”

He was just like, “SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” and grabbed it from me.

We both laughed as we continued heading down the road. I was so happy to have Diramio with me. I just liked that dude so much, ya know. Everyone’s always liked Diramio. He’s fucking hilarious and just fun as shit to be around.

The rest of the ride was just a nonstop back and forth of the two of us making each other laugh. And soon, before we even knew it, we were turning down the stone path to the cabin. We pulled up, hopped out of the car, and just took a deep breath of that fresh forest air. Diramio quickly began unloading our stuff, but I just chilled for a few moments to take it all in.

We were surrounded by trees on all sides that danced and swayed in the breeze. There were birds tweeting and butterflies fluttering around. The sun was just starting to set in the sky above us. It was all just so god damn beautiful, man. And, for just a second, it made me think of Jane. Because, well, I guess I just kinda associated her with beauty in my head. The way she smiled the last time we hung out momentarily flashed in my mind. And the thought of us one day being together just spun in my brain.

Then, suddenly...

“Beep beep beep.”

I turned to face the stone path leading to the cabin only to be greeted by a truck pulling up next to my car. The truck parked and out hopped my best friend Mark and his fiancée Erin.

“What’s up, jerks?” Mark said as he walked over towards me and D.

“Aww hey guys!!” I replied, immediately giving him and Erin each a giant hug. “I’m so stoked you’re here.”

“Yeah, well someone needs to make sure you don’t burn the place down this weekend,” Mark responded.

We all laughed and just continued unloading our cars and heading inside. I really was beyond happy Erin and Mark had arrived. I just loved them both so fucking much. And, even more than that, I loved how fucking much they loved each other. Like, they really were just perfect for one another. And the fact that they’d each found their perfect match; well, I don’t know, I guess it just gave me hope. Like, maybe one day I’d be just as lucky, ya know.

Soon, the four of us were unpacked and getting ready to have some dinner. As we sat down around the table together; I couldn’t help feeling like we were just this happy little family.

Then, suddenly...

The cabin door burst open. And in walked my best friend, Gabe, and his happy little family.

“Yoooooo!!!” Gabe shouted as him and his two sons, Gabe Jr and Dominic, came bustling inside. “What’s up with my boys?!”

We were all quickly on our feet, greeting Gabe and the kids with hugs and high fives. I was so stoked they’d gotten there. I loved Gabe and his kids so much. I was like genuinely good friends with both of his sons. The three of us would stay up countless nights playing Fortnite together or talking about Spider-Man and stuff. They’d always refer to me as their Uncle Ian, and I don’t know why but that just made me feel so cool.

The three of them got situated and then joined us at the table, and we all enjoyed a nice meal. By the time we finished and cleaned up, it had gotten pretty damn dark outside, so we decided to head out and start a fire. Mark put me in charge of tracking down some sticks for roasting marshmallows. And I was pretty excited, because I figured that, for once, I had a job that I could easily excel at. So, with the notion of easily excelling at a job in my head, I began looking around for some sticks.

Then, suddenly...

A pair of headlights came rolling down the stone path in front of us. And out hopped my best friend Jim.

“Hey guys, sorry I’m late. Got stuck finishing up this big project for work,” Jim said as he grabbed his backpack from his trunk and came walking up. “Good news though. I brought us a bunch of really expensive fancy liquor to get all fucked up on.”

“FUCK YEAH, JIMMY!!” Diramio shouted, clearly excited about our late-comer and his contributions.

I too was super excited to see Jim. He was the best, man. And of course he brought a bunch of expensive fancy liquor. He had an awesome job where he made a shitload of money, and yeah I mean the dude was just incredibly successful, ya know.

But, even better, he wasn’t alone!

Because Jim got out of the car.

Then, suddenly...

My best friend Rob hopped out too!

“Ayoooo!” he immediately yelled.

“Holy shit, Rob, is that really you?!” I shouted.

“You know it, buddy!”

I couldn’t believe Rob had actually come. Like, he never did anything. And I don’t mean that in a bad way, it’s just, Rob usually just liked hanging out at home, playing video games alone and stuff. He wasn’t big on going out to bars or parties or shit like that. But I was so fucking stoked that we’d somehow gotten him to join us for the weekend.

So, soon, there we were, the whole crew, just sitting around the campfire together. We drank, and smoked, and ate marshmallows, and remembered old times, and told stories, and laughed, and just talked for hours. It was such an absolute blast.

I remember feeling like I just didn’t have a single care in the entire world.

Diramio was the first to call it a night. I don’t think he really planned on it, but he was crushing beers, went inside to pee, and just never came back out. We ended up finding him passed out on the couch.

Mark and Erin were next to turn in, and they aptly took the master bedroom. Gabe and his kids followed, and they took the guest room. Jim was next, and he took the air mattress in the family room. And that just left me and Rob out at the fire, and two empty cots up in the loft.

The fire was dying out as I finished my drink and turned to Rob.

“So what do you say, man? Ready to head inside and get some sleep,” I asked, as I struggled just slightly to get to my feet.

“No, you know what, you go ahead,” Rob replied. “I’m just gonna hang out here by the fire for a little longer.”

“What, dude, really? You’re just gonna sit out here alone?” I asked.

“Yeah. Why not? I like being alone,” Rob responded.

“Umm....alright, fuck it, whatever,” I said. “I’m taking the nicer cot. Night, bro.”

“Night, Ian.”

I went inside the cabin leaving Rob alone by the fire. Everyone else inside seemed to already be asleep, so I kept all the lights off and just did my best not to make any noise as I crept to the bathroom. I brushed me teeth, peed, and then made my way up the little wooden ladder to the loft. Then, I lied down on the nicer cot.

There was complete silence throughout the cabin, but I could still hear the trees blowing outside, as well as the faint crackling of the fire. I glanced over at the empty cot across from me. I couldn’t believe Rob had chosen to just sit outside alone like that. How could he like being alone?

For the first time since I’d left my apartment that afternoon, I started to remember my problems. And being alone was the very first one.

I felt like I spent all my time alone these days, and I hated it.

A sadness fell over me.

And a veil of darkness fell over the entire cabin.

Rob just sat outside, alone, staring at the fire. But then he heard a noise.

He turned around to face the forest behind him. There were just trees and darkness.

But then, again, he heard a noise.

“Hello?” he said sheepishly, “Is somebody there?”

He continued looking out into the woods, but he couldn’t see anything.

Then, suddenly...

He spotted a pair of blood red eyes staring back at him.

Then another.

And another.

Before Rob even had a chance to react; he was being attacked.

He tried to defend himself, but they just came at him from every direction.

He fought the best he could, but there was only so much he could do...against teeth and claws.

And so, only a few moments later, Rob’s lifeless, bloody body was just being dragged off into the darkness.

I woke up the next morning to the smell of fresh coffee coming from the kitchen. I slowly crawled to my feet and slid on my slippers. Then I stood up and went to head down the little wooden ladder from the loft. However, first, something caught my eye.

I glanced over at the cot across from mine. And Rob wasn’t in it. In fact, it looked very clearly like he hadn’t been in it at all the previous night.

Either way, I made my way down the little wooden ladder from the loft and couldn’t help but smile as I walked into the kitchen full of my loud dumb friends. Gabe and his kids were working on cooking eggs for everyone. Mark and Erin were doing the coffee and toasting up some bagels. Jim was sitting at the kitchen table typing away on his laptop. And Diramio was just, somehow, still passed out on the nearby couch.

“Yo IK, got coffee for you,” Mark said, handing me a cup.

“Dude, you fucking rule,” I responded.

I grabbed some milk from the fridge and walked over to the table.

“What are you working on, Jimmy?” I asked as I took a seat.

“Oh just catching up on some emails from clients,” he replied.

“You fucking nerd,” I responded.

“Hey Ian, what’s the deal with Rob?” Gabe asked. “Was he still asleep when you came down? He’s gonna miss breakfast.”

“Wait, what? He’s not down here?” I responded.

“No, didn’t he sleep in the loft with you?” Mark asked.

“Uhhh...I don’t think so. Like, he was still out at the fire when I went to bed, and the cot across from me didn’t really look slept on this morning.”

“Well, where the fuck is he?” Jim asked.

We all just looked at each other.

“Dude, don’t tell me he fucking slept outside,” I said.

Mark, Erin, Jim, and myself all went outside and walked over towards the fire pit. But there were no signs of Rob.

“Ummm, holy shit, you guys,” Erin said, starting to freak out a little. “Like, seriously, where the fuck is he?”

We all quickly began to grow quite frantic.

We started shouting his name. We went back through every room in the cabin. We checked our cars. There was just simply no trace of him anywhere. He was just gone.

By now, Gabe and his kids had abandoned making breakfast, and all of us just stood outside the cabin panicking. Diramio finally woke up and stumbled outside wondering why we were all being so fucking loud.

“Dude, Rob’s missing!!” I shouted.

“Oh man, is that all you guys are worried about?” Diramio replied groggily. “I thought you guys were saying we GOT robbed. I was praying they didn’t take the rest of that fancy expensive liquor.”

“Diramio, that’s not funny,” Erin replied.

“Guys, relax,” Diramio responded. “Rob probably just went to take a shit in the woods or something and got turned around. I’m sure he’s fine.”

“Bro, you get turned around in these woods, and you’re fucked. Like, he could be lost for days out there,” Mark replied.

“Well then,” Jim said, stepping up in front of us, “...we better go find him.”

“Dude, fuck that shit,” Diramio answered.

“Shut up, D,” Jim replied, “You’re coming with me, and we’re going north. Mark, you and Erin go south. Gabe, you and Gabe Jr. go east. And Ian, you take Dominic and go west. We’ll search for an hour and then meet back here. Everyone be careful. Don’t get lost. And, most importantly, find Rob.”

Jim taking charge worked and soon we were all heading out into the woods to find our missing friend.

Dominic and I followed along an old ATV path deep into the forest. We continued shouting Rob’s name as we hiked, but of course our calls went unanswered. We’d been walking for about a half hour or so when suddenly a bird flew out right in front of me, causing me to scream like a little girl. Dominic started dying laughing.

“Shut up, little dude, this is why I didn’t become a professional forest ranger,” I said.

“Yeah, you’re not a professional anything,” Dom responded still giggling.

“Hey, ya jerk, that’s not true. I run my own company. That’s gotta be worth something,” I replied defensively.

“No, you don’t,” Dom responded.

“Well...okay, no I don’t. But I’m second in command. And my boss is retiring at the end of the year, then I’m taking over. So, soon, I really will be in charge.”

“Uncle Ian, I can’t picture you in charge of anything,” Dom replied.

“Dude, shut up,” I answered. “Right now, I’m charge of you so stop being a little dick and let’s get back to trying to find our friend.”

“Fine,” Dominic said. “But I’m telling my dad you called me a dick.”

The two of us continued making our way through the woods searching for any trace of Rob. However, as we walked, stupid little Dominic’s words kept echoing in my head. He was right. Like, I shouldn’t even be in charge of my own life. How was I gonna be in charge of a company?

Once again, I was suddenly reminded of another problem I’d gone on this trip to escape. I’d be taking over this company soon, and I just legitimately had absolutely no idea what I was fucking doing. I was so nervous that I was gonna just end up completely out of business in less than a year. I’d always been a pretty shitty employee at every job I’d ever had. So I couldn’t help but imagine I’d be an even shittier boss. I wished I was a hard-working, ambitious, go-getter like Jim. But I knew I wasn’t. And I knew I never would be.

For the second time since I’d arrived at the cabin; an immense sadness washed over me.

And a veil of darkness fell over the entire forest.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the forest, Jim and Diramio had just found a clue.

“Diramio, does this look like blood to you?” Jim asked, as he pointed out a small spot of red on the trunk of a tree.

“I don’t fucking know, bro,” Diramio responded. “Can we just go back to the cabin? I need a drink.”

“Dude, Rob’s fucking lost in the woods and could be dead for all we know,” Jim replied. “How are you not taking this seriously?”

“I mean, I am, but I also just seriously need a drink.”

Suddenly, just then, the two friends heard a noise. Nothing big, but just a little rustling from a bush a few feet in front of them.

But then, there was another rustling. From a bush a few feet behind them.

Then one from their left.

Then one from their right.

Then, without warning...these huge fucking wolves emerged and began to surround them.

That’s right. Giant, hungry, scary-looking wolves.

They had bright red eyes, sharp claws, and massive teeth.

“Holy shit,” Jim whispered. “Diramio, don’t move. If they attack, our only shot at fighting them off is working together. You with me?”

There was silence.

“Diramio?” he said again.

Still, no answer.

Jim finally turned just in time to see the back of Diramio’s shirt as he was sprinting away.

“Diramio, you motherfu....”

Jim never even got that last word out before the terrifying beasts surrounding him pounced.

And, moments later, his lifeless, bloody body was just being dragged away into the forest.

Dominic and I returned to the cabin almost the same exact time as Gabe and Gabe Jr. Neither of our groups having found any hints at all as to an explanation for Rob’s disappearance. Mark and Erin got back soon afterwards, and they too had failed to find anything. The six of us just stood around fearing the worst. We decided if Diramio and Jim also returned empty-handed, then we’d just go to the police and hopefully they’d be able to help.

Time ticked by as we waited for Diramio and Jim to get back. We were just starting to get worried about them when suddenly we heard Diramio screaming off in the distance.

“FUCK...

THIS...

SHIT,

BRO!!”

He finally came bursting through the trees near the cabin, and, as soon as we saw him, we could all instantly tell something was seriously wrong.

Diramio ran right past all of us and straight inside.

We all looked at each other. And then we followed him.

As we walked in, Diramio was already over by the kitchen table, straight up pounding the bottle of fancy expensive liquor Jim had brought.

“Hey, uhhhh, D,” Mark said softly, “Where’s Jim?”

Diramio kept chugging from the bottle until it was completely empty. Then, he slammed it down on the table in front of us, took a deep breath, and simply said...

“Jim just got eaten by wolves, you guys.”

“No, seriously, where is he, Diramio?” Erin asked.

“BRO, SERIOUSLY, JIM JUST GOT FUCKING EATEN BY FUCKING WOLVES!!” Diramio shouted. “HUGE WOLVES WITH SCARY RED EYES. THEY SURROUNDED US OUT IN THE FOREST. I DID EVERYTHING I COULD TO FIGHT THEM OFF, BUT JIM BEGGED ME TO RUN AWAY AND SAVE MYSELF.”

“Dude, Diramio, stop fucking around, man. Enough is enough,” Mark said, beginning to sorta lose his cool.

“Guys, for real, I’m not fucking around. Jim just got eaten by wolves. I’d be willing to bet Rob did too. We gotta get the fuck out of these woods, right now,” Diramio said, with a stark sternness to his voice none of us had ever heard him use before.

As crazy as it sounded, we figured maybe Diramio was actually telling the truth. But, either way, now TWO of our friends were apparently missing. So it was definitely time to leave the woods and go to the cops. We all began packing up our stuff and getting ready to head into the closest town.

However, Erin walked outside to load up Mark’s truck, and a split second later, we all heard a terrifying scream. We rushed out front and quickly saw that Erin had a made a gruesome discovery. The tires on all of our cars had been slashed. Well, more than slashed really. They were all completely shredded. It almost looked as though they’d been...clawed.

“Yo, you motherfuckers believe me now?” Diramio yelled. “The fucking wolves did this!”

Now, none of us knew what to think. We all just ran back into the cabin to regroup.

“Listen, guys,” Gabe said, “wolves or no wolves, something fucked up is clearly going on right now. And I gotta get my kids out of here safely. I’m their dad. They’re my family. I have to protect them.”

“Wait,” Mark shouted. “I have my four-wheeler outback. You and the kids can take that to get to the nearest town and then send help.”

We all ran outback and were relieved to find the ATV’s tires were still in good shape.

Gabe, Gabe Jr., and Dominic all climbed on board.

“Stay on the trails, and you should be fine,” Mark said. “You’ll hit a pretty major road in about fifteen miles. And if you follow that, you should eventually reach the town.”

“Don’t worry, I got this,” Gabe said. “You guys just stay safe. We’ll send help as soon as we can.”

With that, Gabe and the kids took off on the ATV, leaving behind just Mark, Erin, Diramio, and myself.

“Yo, I don’t understand why they get to leave, but we’re stuck here,” Diramio said, as the four of us began walking back into the cabin. “I mean, I like Gabe’s kids, but I also kinda like not getting eaten by fucking wolves.”

We all kinda nervously chuckled as we headed inside. However, I was a few steps behind the others, and I just kinda stopped in the doorway for a moment. I turned and looked back at the dust trail Gabe had left behind. I prayed that him and his kids would be alright. I thought it was so impressive that he’d stepped up to protect his family like that. I thought about my family. I already knew we’d never do anything like that for each other.

And just like that, another problem returned to my mind. Things with my family were just so messy. My mom had been the glue that held us all together, ya know. So, ever since her accident, it just seemed like we’d all been coming apart. I felt like my brother hated me. I felt like every conversation I had with my dad would eventually just turn into an argument. I felt like I wasn’t helping my sister enough as she struggled to take care of everyone. I just missed when we used to be a happy little family. Like Gabe and his kids.

Once again, sadness filled my heart.

And, once again, darkness filled the woods.

Gabe and his kids were flying down the narrow trail. He figured they’d probably already gone at least a dozen miles and should be hitting the main road soon. Gabe Jr and Dominic clung on tightly to their dad’s back as they sped along.

Suddenly, Dominic spotted a dark blur moving quickly through the wilderness on their right side. Then, Gabe Jr. noticed the same thing on their left. They quickly began trying to get their father’s attention over the loudness of the four-wheeler.

It soon worked, and Gabe turned around, only to immediately see multiple giant fucking wolves chasing right behind them on the trail, as well as along both sides of them. He cranked down on the gas in an attempt to get away, but it was no use. They stayed right there with him. Finally, one came running up from the side, causing Gabe to swerve in the other direction. He lost control and the four-wheeler careened off the trail and right into a tree. Gabe and his kids were all sent flying. Then, dozens upon dozens of hungry terrifying wolves just quickly descended upon all three of them.

And, sure enough, soon, their lifeless, bloody bodies were just being dragged away into the woods.

The sun was just beginning to set in the sky outside the cabin. Inside, the four of us were just doing our best to keep our shit together. By now, it had been at least a few hours since Gabe had left, and we still hadn’t heard anything from him or the help he was supposed to send. The shitty tv in the family room only got a handful of channels, but we’d managed to find one playing a marathon of old Home Improvement episodes. So, we all just sat there quietly, watching Tim the Toolman Taylor.

But, eventually, Diramio broke the silence.

“Dude, this is so fucked up. Gabe and his kids should’ve reached that town hours ago and sent help. I bet they got eaten by wolves.”

“Diramio, shut up, don’t say that,” I replied. “Even just joking around about Gabe’s kids dying seems super messed up....”

“Fuck that, I’m not even joking,” he replied. “I bet they got eaten by wolves, and I bet soon we will be too.”

“D, relax,” Mark said. “We’re not gonna be eaten by wolves. Help will come.”

“Yeah, but what are we gonna do if it doesn’t,” Diramio responded.

Mark tried to reply, but he didn’t really have an answer.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Diramio said. “You don’t know what we’re gonna do. But I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do...I’m gonna get super fucked up.”

And with that Diramio stood up and walked out of the family room.

After he left, Erin turned to Mark and said, “Babe, for real, what are we gonna do if help doesn’t come?”

“Hey, don’t worry,” Mark said, putting his arm around his fiancée. “Help will come. And until it gets here, I’m not gonna let anything happen to us.”

“Promise?” Erin asked.

“I promise,” Mark said. “Plus, babe, this cabin’s made out of bricks. So even if there are big bad wolves out there; going by three little pig logic we should be safe.”

Erin laughed.

“I love you, Mark.”

“I love you too.”

As I witnessed this conversation between my soon to be married friends, I couldn’t help but to feel a tiny bit of jealousy. Well, actually, I felt a shitload of jealousy. I wished I had someone who loved me.

I wished Jane loved me.

Once again, a problem I’d managed to momentarily forget rushed back into my head. I don’t know why I fucking liked Jane so much, you guys. Like, seriously. I know she’s never going to want to fucking be with me. But I just can’t help it. No other girl makes me feel the way she does. Bro, this shit isn’t fucking fair. I just wish for once a girl I was into was actually into me back, man. How come that never fucking happens for me?!? Like, what the fuck is so wrong with me, you guys?!?!?

The sadness hit me this time like a punch to the face.

The darkness surrounded the cabin like a flash flood.

Then, suddenly...

CRASH!!! CRASH!!! CRASH!!! CRASH!!!

Wolves violently burst in through every single window of the cabin.

“Holy Fucking Shit!” Mark screamed. “The pig story never mentioned windows!!”

The wolves lunged for Erin, but Mark dove in front to protect her. There were just too many wolves though. They quickly tore right through Mark.

“Ian, help!!” Erin screamed.

But there was nothing I could do. Wolves just continued flooding in through the windows, and I had no way of getting to her before they did.

“Erinnnn!!!!” I shouted as I watched them viciously bite into her.

“YO MOTHERFUCKER, WE GOTTA MOVE!!”

Before I knew what was happening, Diramio was yanking me out of the family room, which was now completely overrun by wolves. We quickly ran through the cabin as more and more of the monstrous beasts came bursting through every window and doorway.

“QUICK, GET UP THE LITTLE WOODEN LADDER TO THE LOFT!” Diramio shouted as the two of us dashed past more of the ferocious killers.

We reached the little wooden ladder and quickly climbed up just before they got to us.

Diramio and I looked down from the loft at what appeared to be at least a hundred terrifying wolves staring back up at us with their big red eyes and giant teeth.

“IAN, BRO, WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE GONNA DO?!?” Diramio shouted. “I DON’T WANNA GET EATEN BY WOLVES!! I DON’T WANNA FUCKING DIE, DUDE!!”

Unfortunately, hearing Diramio say that he didn’t want to die...once again caused immense sadness to wash over my body.

And a veil of darkness to cover my entire world.

Because, just like that, my last and largest problem suddenly popped back into my head.

“Well, of course YOU don’t want to die, Diramio,” I quietly said. “Why would you? People actually like you.”

“Wait? What?” Diramio responded. “The fuck’s that supposed to mean.”

“Nothing, man. It doesn’t matter anyway.”

“Bro, I’m here, you might as well talk to me.”

“Dude,” I responded, “that’s the problem...you’re not actually here. You’ve never actually been here. Nobody ever was. I literally couldn’t find a single fucking person to go camping with me this weekend. So I just had to go alone. Because nobody fucking likes me, man. Everyone says their my friend. Everyone says they care about me. But nobody ever wants to spend time with me. Nobody ever wants to hang out. Nobody ever wants to do anything.”

As I spoke, the wolves below began growing more restless and aggressive. They soon started figuring out how to inch their way up the little wooden ladder to the loft. And the sadder I got, the higher they climbed.

“Ian, dude, you need to stop,” Diramio said, noticing the beasts getting closer and closer. “Like, I know I’m not really here, but I still don’t wanna get eaten by a fucking wolf, bro.”

“Diramio, I don’t want to hate being alone. I don’t want to worry about work or miss how my family used to be. I don’t wanna get depressed over girls. And I don’t wanna feel like nobody likes me. But I can’t help it, man. I thought by coming up here for the weekend I could escape my problems, but it didn’t work. They followed me. And now they’re gonna get us.”

“Bro, you just need to face your problems head on instead of trying to run away from them,” Diramio shouted, as the wolves were now only inches away from reaching us.

“Dude, I don’t know how to face my problems!!” I yelled back.

“YES YOU DO, IAN,” Diramio screamed. “YOU ALWAYS HAVE.”

The wolves finally made it to the top of the little wooden ladder and went to pounce.

“Howwww, Diramio, just tell me!” I screamed at the last moment.

“Well you called this a weekend writing retreat, right bro?” Diramio said, as the wolves closed in around him.

“Maybe you should try fucking writing...”

And with that, the wolves attacked Diramio.

“NOOOOO!!!” I screamed.

But it was too late.

They quickly began dragging him back down the little wooden ladder.

However, what he had just said struck me.

Like, I HAD called this a weekend writing retreat.

And, well, maybe that was the secret here, man.

Maybe, instead of using this weekend to try to escape my problems, I could literally do the exact opposite, and use it to face them.

I could deal with my problems the same way I just dealt with everything: by writing a fucking weird ass story about them.

And I knew writing about my problems wouldn’t actually solve them, you guys.

But it wouldn’t be running away from them either.

And I was never going to be able to run away from my problems.

They were always gonna be there.

Hunting me down.

Chasing me.

Just biting and scratching at me.

Like fucking wolves.

I looked down at the hundreds of beasts mauling Diramio below me.

I still wasn’t convinced writing a story about my problems would actually help. But there was one thing I was absolutely certain of.

And that’s that, if I did write a story about my problems...

I wasn’t gonna let it fucking end like this.

Because, as much I was convinced that nobody liked me, deep down, I knew that there was at least one person who did.

And I wasn’t about to let him get eaten by fucking wolves.

I stood up, took a deep breath, and just shouted, “Hold on, Diramio! I’m coming!”

And with that, I dove over the edge of the loft and into giant mess of murderous creatures below.

As soon as I landed, I just started punching and kicking and head-butting every fucking wolf around me. Somehow I managed to knock away the ones dragging Diramio, and I was fucking delighted to discover he wasn’t quite dead yet.

“HOLY FUCK, BRO!! I THOUGHT I WAS DONEZO!!” he shouted, as he climbed to his feet and joined me in fighting the onslaught of wolves coming at us.

“Nah, fuck that shit, D,” I replied. “It’s time to face this shit head-on.”

The two of us went back to back as the wolves continued attacking us.

“IAN, YOU NEED TO REALIZE,” Diramio yelled, as we both kept struggling to fight off the frenzied animals. “PEOPLE DO LIKE YOU, MAN. FUCKING EVERYONE LIKES YOU. PEOPLE DON’T LAUGH AT YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK. WHEN YOUR NAME COMES UP, PEOPLE USUALLY JUST SAY SHIT LIKE, OH I KNOW IAN KINNEY. I LIKE HIM.”

After Diramio shouted that, somehow, someway, a giant sword appeared in his hands. And so he just quickly began using it fight off the wolves.

Then, suddenly...

Mark and Erin came bursting through the back door of the cabin.

“Ian, trust us,” Mark said. “One day you will find love, dude. I know it’s hard sometimes, but if it was easy, it wouldn’t be worth it.”

“You just have to keep being yourself, Ian,” Erin added. “You’re an awesome guy. And maybe this Jane doesn’t realize that. But the next one will. I promise.”

As soon as Mark and Erin finished talking, they both whipped out machine guns and started blasting the shit out of wolves.

Then, suddenly...

The front door burst open and in ran Gabe and his kids.

“Bro, nobody’s family is perfect,” Gabe shouted. “But the fact that you care so much shows how much you love them. And that’s what really matters, man.”

“Plus, I know you think we’re a happy little family,” Gabe Jr. added. “But we wouldn’t be without you.”

“Yeah,” Dominic said. “You’re our Uncle Ian.”

Once again, as soon as my friends stopped talking, they pulled out weapons and joined the battle against the wolves. Gabe had a little tiny slingshot and his sons both had giant grenade launchers.

“Wait, dude, hold on,” Gabe said, “How come I only get...”

Then, suddenly...

Jim came bursting through the ceiling and landed right in the middle of the fight.

“Ian, dude, don’t worry about work, bro,” Jim quickly shouted. “Like, for real, in the last ten years, you went from dreaming about being a writer to now running your own publishing company. You’re gonna be fine. I just can’t wait to see how much higher you rise, man.”

Jim finished his quick speech, pulled out a chainsaw, and then just started massacring wolves with the rest of us.

Then, finally...

The floor of the cabin broke open and out crawled Rob.

“Ian, you’re not alone,” he said. “You never have been. You never will be. Almost everyone in the cabin has had your back for literally over thirty years now. We’re not fucking going anywhere, dude. We’re always gonna be here for you. Even if it’s just to help you fight imaginary wolves in an incredibly weird fucking story.”

And with that, Rob whipped out the golden gun from Goldeneye 64 and joined the brawl.

So, there we were, the whole crew, just fighting wolves together.

And, eventually, after a long and bloody battle; we won.

We didn’t actually kill all of the wolves. Most of them just ran away. So I knew they’d be back in time.

But, I also knew, when they did return, I wasn’t going to try to escape or run away from them.

I was just going to deal with them.

The only way I knew how.

I hope you liked this weird ass story, you guys.

It will not be my last.

THE END

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itsworn · 5 years

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Traditional Hot Rods Tackle Speed & Elevation at 2018 Hot Rod Hill Climb

Many a hot rodder would rather be no other place on a late summer weekend than in the majestic mountains outside Denver for the annual Hot Rod Hill Climb (HRHC). Now in the sixth year since its rebirth, the show has become a mandatory stop for traditional rodders and jalopy junkies alike who are looking for a weekend of fun and action in the greater Rocky Mountain region.

The HRHC brings in rods and their fans from all across the U.S. and even some countries abroad. This year, participants represented 36 states, with many attendees actually driving their period-correct rides from distant destinations. Hot rods showed up in every form imaginable, from Model Ts to 1950s sedans, just to have the chance to run against one of Colorado’s nastiest inclines.

Mike “Nick” Nicholas has been the mastermind behind the revamped show since 2013. Now with partner Troy Hastings of Roosters Rodz, Nicholas has put together a gathering for the ages. Held in picturesque and historic Central City, the show’s auto-philic aura is multiplied by the village’s antique feel, and also the breathtaking beauty of the surroundings. Add in the Hill Climb course, which rises over 900 feet in just a mile, and, well, you’ve got one tall and picturesque challenge ahead of you.

The festivities started Friday with a 58-mile Reliability Run through the mountains outside town. The weather cooperated with blue skies on Friday and throughout the weekend. The run started at the Wooly Mammoth lot just off Interstate 70, where drivers were greeted by the crew at Precision Designs. Once they got their maps from Precision, they were off and running. Drivers hit stops along the way during the twisty run, which were manned by several car clubs from the area, including the Deton8tors, and the Deluxe Speed Shop from nearby Commerce City.

On Saturday morning throngs of spectators poured into Central City to witness the Hill Climb. Mike Nicholas’ son Foster ripped through a killer rendition of the National Anthem, and the festivities were officially underway. Cal Kennedy’s T-33 Chevy roadster made the first run up the hill, starting a reverse-avalanche of hot rods running up the course, which continued almost nonstop for the next seven hours. Lovely barefoot flag girl Amy Nicholas didn’t miss a beat or step, flagging at the starting line for the entire day.

Some top-notch rides joined the fun. Mike Panos from Lawrence, Kansas, brought his killer “Craigslist find” ’31 roadster that had sat dormant for more than four decades. Brian Bass from Bass Kustoms came in from Texas in a brilliant ’32 roadster. The Elmer crew out of Salt Lake brought a helping of healthy hot rods. And, of course, no Hill Climb would be complete without 90-year-old Cal Kennedy joining in the fun with his Chevy T-33 roadster, complete with its Wayne 12-port Chevy six-banger.

The weekend just couldn’t have been better, and it sets the table for a return appearance next year in Central City. If you have never been to the HRHC we think it’s about time you pay a visit. While you’re at it, check out its sister show, the Hot Rod Dirt Drags, held every June in beautiful Monte Vista, Colorado. Learn more at hotrodhillclimb.com and hotroddirtdrags.com.

Flag Start Flag girl supreme Amy Nicholas gets some height as she summons Mike Panos and his killer ’31 roadster to hit the pavement at the 2018 Hot Rod Hill Climb.

Scene Stealer The Hot Rod Hill Climb has found a new home in Central City, after a short but sweet stint in nearby Georgetown. The old mining town has welcomed the event with open arms, and the spectators have responded, flocking to Central City in droves on event weekend.

Reliable Runners Doug Drake from Reno, Nevada, leads the way from Echo Lake in his salt-lake–inspired ’32 three-window coupe. The chopped, all-steel car is powered by a 1950s OHV Cadillac motor and has a quick-change rear. A healthy set of louvers and an aluminum-riveted interior add to the go-fast theme.

Sedans Delivered At any given time, downtown Central City had a great cross-section of hot rides parked on the street. This selection of rides is waiting for a chance at the hill on Saturday morning.

Perfect Pickup It was hard to get a shot of this stunning ’28 roadster pickup because it was always surrounded by admirers. Brett Plue of Denver owns this black beauty.

Cragar Conversion The Plue pickup is stuffed with a stout B-block that features a Dan Price–built Cragar four-port head conversion. A ’39 transmission feeds a Columbia two-speed rearend.

Host With the Most Hill Climb organizer Mike Nicholas takes a few minutes to address the drivers before the race. Due to the speed and elevation, safety is preached with a heavy hand, knowing that issues could arise if rules are not followed. Like each climb before it, this one went off without a hitch.

Jersey Boys Hailing from Point Pleasant, New Jersey, Jim Bobowski takes off from the ramp in his ’32 roadster. “I’m pretty much a purist, and I love the historical aspect of the hobby,” he says. His original lakes-built racer is equipped with a 59A flathead topped with Cyclone heads and a Thickstun 2×2 intake. The hot engine is thumped by an Isky 400 Jr. cam.

Cal Can It wouldn’t be the Hot Rod Hill Climb without 90-year-old hot rod legend Cal Kennedy taking a stab at the course. He is seen here piloting his favorite ride, the T-33 Chevy roadster, powered by the same Wayne-headed straight-six that he ran in the 1953 and 1954 Hill Climb events.

Feeding the Frenzy The starting line had a constant stream of hot rods ready to make a pass. The crew did a great job keeping things moving, as some Hill Climb drivers made nine passes up the mountain.

Don’t Look Back John Barnes from Orange, California, crests the top of the first rise in his ’32 three-window coupe. It features a S.Co.T.-blown flatty for ample motorvation to help it beat the hefty incline. This was Barnes’ first appearance at the Hot Rod Hill Climb.

Roadster Ramble Speeding into Turn 2 is Heath Pinter’s ’29 Ford roadster. The low-slung Model A hails from Buellton, California, and is pushed by a strong Ford flatty.

Climbing High Again Coming hot into Turn 2 is Destin Pewitt out of Alto, Michigan, in his Alto Special ’29 Ford roadster. The hot rod is built on an original ’32 chassis and powered by a 276ci Mercury flathead, built with a Thickstun intake and Harrell heads.

In With the Olds One of the standout drivers of the weekend was 78-years-young Greg White from Spencer, Iowa. He is a lifelong hot rodder, souping up cars and building racers since he was a kid. This ’30 Ford roadster is propelled by a healthy ’52 303ci Olds complete with 1950s speed parts. His parts list is long, but on it are a W&H Ducoil dizzy, Mallory Magspark coil, cloth wiring, an Isky cam, and Hildebrandt valve covers. The body is an all steel ’30 built on a ’32 frame and lit by a pair of E&J headlights.

Something New in Blue This neat hot rod is an amalgamation of old and newer parts. Robert Danielson of Brush, Colorado, built this sleek ride starting with a ’26 Tudor cowl and B pillars and then hand-fabricated the custom shape. Pete and Jakes wishbones and ladder bars are installed, along with vintage Budd artillery wheels and Firestone rubber. Motorvation is supplied by a Ford 302 backed by a TCI C4 transmission.

Rub a Tub Randy Gribble of Lake City Rod and Custom in Watertown, South Dakota, cuts Turn 2 tight in his ’28 Ford phaeton. Keith Tardel of RexRods built the Offenhauser-equipped 276ci flathead, which is backed by a ’39 trans and ’40 rear.

No Trailer Young gun Erik Hansen drove this bitchin’ ’31 Ford with its 4-71-blown flathead all the way from Valley, Nebraska. He says, “No trailer, no support vehicle. I eat, drink, and sleep traditional hot rods.”

Blown in the Wind The 276ci flathead in Erik Hansen’s coupe was built by the owner, complete with 9.5:1 Sharp heads, an Isky Jr. cam, and Arias forged pistons. The nasty rod is backed by a T5 trans, which feeds a Ford 9-inch rear.

Black Heap of the Family One of the surprise hot rods of the weekend was the banger sedan driven by Brian Wilson of Elk River, Minnesota. The Heap is built around a stroker 226ci engine, done up with a Winfield Redhead, dual 81s, and a Mallory tach drive. This burly sedan ripped up the Hill Climb course, showing it really wasn’t much of a heap after all.

Daily Driver No one looked like they were having more fun than Carolyn Sheer of Mesa, Arizona. After attending the 2017 HRHC and Hot Rod Dirt Drags events with her husband Russ, she decided she needed her own hot rod. Her ’31 coupe was built with a Chevy 350 and backed by a TH350 trans. “It ain’t no street rod—it’s my daily driver,” Carolyn insists.

Bass Pro Hot rod builder Brian Bass of Bass Kustoms in Dallas showed up with a beautiful roadster to take on the course. It’s a ’32 roadster built with a S.Co.T.-blown 245ci Merc flatty. The car has been a hot rod since 1947, and Bass obtained the body back in 2014 to which he built a chassis based on an original ’32 frame.

Want-Ad Wonder Mike Panos proved that there are still plenty of great cars to discover out there, even in popular classified pages. He just happened to be looking on Craigslist when this beauty came up for sale, and he quickly nabbed it. Built in Salina, Kansas, in the late 1950s the ’31 roadster sports an Olds 303ci engine topped with a trio of Strombergs. The engine is backed by a ’39 transmission, and the car rides on a full, custom- built tube chassis!

Bowtie Blur Nobody was faster on the course this year than HRHC stalwart Dave Overholt, the master lashing the curves with his trusty Chevy roadster. The primer gray rod is motivated by a built-to-the-hilt Chevy 292ci straight-six. Riding shotgun and holding on for dear life is his brother Jay.

Top Cat Waiting his turn to run is 74-year-old Jim Bringhurst of Nevada City, California. “I’ve been into hot rods since I could walk and grew up a mile from Pomona dragstrip,” he says. His ride is a beauty, built with a S.Co.T.-supercharged Ferguson aluminum Ardun flathead. A Richmond four-speed rows through the gears. Out back a Halibrand quick-change 101 gets the power to the rear meats. Magnesium smoothie sprint car wheels finish off the look.

Hitchin’ a Ride Amy Nicholas decides she is going to take matters into her own hands to make sure Dean Burling gets set in the correct spot at the starting line. Burling hails from Lincoln, Nebraska, and brought a gnarly ’40 Ford coupe to run the course. It’s powered by a flathead built with a Scat crank and rods, and topped with three 97 Strombergs.

Family Guy Pachi Bengochea of Winnemucca, Nevada, made it out to the Reliability Run a few years back, but this was the first year he got a chance to take his ’29 roadster up the Hill Climb course. The busy family man built his hot rod to log long miles, sporting a Chevy small-block backed by a Tremec transmission and quick-change rear.

Heart and Soul Back on the main thoroughfare, hot rods continued to draw attention. Doug Siemen of West Liberty, Iowa, fabricated this beautiful roadster, based on a ’25 Model T design. It drew a crowd all day long and was well deserving of the attention. The car will be auctioned off in the spring for the Helping Hannah’s Heart Foundation.

Long Distance Deuce Plenty of awards were given out at the end of the Hill Climb challenge. Here Cory Taulbert receives the Long Haul award from the Throttlers Hot Rod Club out of Salt Lake City. Taulbert drove his Deuce hot rod from Clarkston, Michigan, to the event. But that was only a stop on his way to California. Great job!

The post Traditional Hot Rods Tackle Speed & Elevation at 2018 Hot Rod Hill Climb appeared first on Hot Rod Network.

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FIRST LOOK: Inside the new Oval Office — NYT: W.H. frets about Trump’s Phoenix rally — TRUMP ramps up for 2020 — BANNON takes aim at Kushner, Ivanka and Cohn — SECRET SERVICE cash crunch — B’DAY: Steve Case

FIRST LOOK — INSIDE THE NEW OVAL OFFICE — http://bit.ly/2xiEsUg … http://bit.ly/2ww4vKO

BULLETINS, at 5:22 a.m.: “MOSCOW (AP) — U.S. Embassy in Russia suspends issuing nonimmigrant visas until Sept 1, when it will resume giving visas only in Moscow.” … at 5:26 a.m.: “PARIS (AP) — French media report at least one woman killed as car rams into bus stops in the port city of Marseille.”

Story Continued Below

Good Monday morning. PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP has returned to Washington from his working vacation. He is expected to lay out his new strategy for the war in Afghanistan in an address to the nation tonight at 9 p.m. from Fort Myer in Arlington, Virginia. The New York Times, Washington Post and other outlets report that Trump is expected to boost the troop presence in Afghanistan by several thousand. THIS WILL be a major issue on Capitol Hill in September, as lawmakers gear up to grill Defense Secretary Jim Mattis on the shift in strategy.

ALSO HAPPENING TONIGHT — CNN’s JAKE TAPPER hosts a town hall with SPEAKER PAUL RYAN after the president’s address.

**SUBSCRIBE to Playbook: http://politi.co/2lQswbh

PHOENIX RALLY TOMORROW — THE NEW WORRY, via Noah Weiland and Maggie Haberman: “Of particular concern for some officials is the prospect that Mr. Trump may be planning to announce a pardon for Joe Arpaio, the former sheriff of Maricopa County, Ariz., who became an avatar for hard-line policies with his roundups of undocumented immigrants. Some of Mr. Trump’s advisers worry that a pardon could deepen the racial wounds exposed in the last week and compound the president’s political problems. …

“Reached by phone at home on Sunday, Mr. Arpaio said that he was not sure why Mr. Trump was thinking of the pardon, and that he had not talked to the president since around Thanksgiving, when Mr. Trump called to ask about the health of Mr. Arpaio’s wife. But Mr. Arpaio would not say whether he had talked to the Trump campaign or White House about the visit Tuesday, or whether he had made formal plans with them to make an appearance.” http://nyti.ms/2iigdTu

— PRETTY COOL: Maggie Haberman and her dad Clyde are both on the front page of today’s New York Times. http://nyti.ms/2iiptXK

IN THE SOUTH PACIFIC — “Damaged USS John S. McCain arrives in Singapore; 10 missing,” by AP’s Annabelle Liang in Singapore and Stephen Wright in Bangkok: “The USS John S. McCain guided missile destroyer docked Monday at Singapore’s naval base with ‘significant damage’ to its hull after an early morning collision with an oil tanker … The collision east of Singapore between the destroyer and the 183-meter (600-foot) Alnic MC, which has recent safety violations, was the second involving a ship from the U.S. Navy’s 7th Fleet in the Pacific in two months. Vessels and aircraft from the U.S., Indonesia, Singapore and Malaysia are searching for the missing sailors. … The Navy’s 7th Fleet said damage to the McCain’s hull flooded adjacent compartments including crew berths, machinery and communications rooms. … The 154-meter (505-foot) destroyer is named after U.S. Sen. John McCain’s father and grandfather, who were both U.S. admirals.” http://bit.ly/2uXQ4zw … Reuters photo of the damage http://reut.rs/2iirHXf

— TRUMP was asked about the collision last night outside the White House, and he said, “that’s too bad,” per a pool report. He later tweeted: “Thoughts & prayers are w/ our @USNavy sailors aboard the #USSJohnSMcCain where search & rescue efforts are underway.”

— BREITBART — “Source: McMaster Fails to Brief Trump Before ‘That’s Too Bad’ Error,” by Matt Boyle: http://bit.ly/2wvtEFi

TICK TOCK — NYT A1, “Bannon Was Set for a Graceful Exit. Then Came Charlottesville,” by Jeremy W. Peters and Maggie Haberman: “John F. Kelly, the new White House chief of staff, told Stephen K. Bannon in late July that he needed to go: No need for it to get messy, Mr. Kelly told Mr. Bannon, according to several people with firsthand knowledge of the exchange. The two worked out a mutually amicable departure date for mid-August, with President Trump’s blessing. But as Mr. Trump struggled last week to contain a growing public furor over his response to a deadly, race-fueled melee in Virginia, Mr. Bannon clashed with Mr. Kelly over how the president should respond. Give no ground to your critics, Mr. Bannon urged the president, with characteristic truculence. At the same time, New York real estate investor friends told Mr. Trump that the situation with Mr. Bannon was untenable: Steve Roth on Monday, Tom Barrack on Tuesday and Richard LeFrak on Wednesday.

“By Thursday, after Mr. Bannon undercut American policy toward North Korea in an interview published by a left-leaning magazine, Mr. Trump himself had concluded that Mr. Bannon was too much of a liability. By Friday, when he was forced from his job as Mr. Trump’s chief strategist, Mr. Bannon had found himself wholly isolated inside a White House where he once operated with such autonomy that he reported only to the president himself. … Mr. Bannon was notorious for maintaining his own, shadowy presence within the White House. He would frequently skip meetings where policy was discussed, injecting his views into the process in other ways, according to two administration officials. He did not use a computer, preferring to have paper printed and handed to his assistant to stay outside the formal decision-making process. …

“Mr. Bannon openly complained to White House colleagues that he resented how Ms. Trump would try to undo some of the major policy initiatives that he and Mr. Trump agreed were important to the president’s economic nationalist agenda, like withdrawing from the Paris climate accords. In this sense, he was relieved when Mr. Kelly took over and put in place a structure that kept other aides from freelancing. ‘Those days are over when Ivanka can run in and lay her head on the desk and cry,’ he told multiple people. … In late July, after a weekend with Robert Mercer, the hedge fund billionaire who finances some of his projects, Mr. Bannon told him, ‘I dread going back’ to the White House.” http://nyti.ms/2wgaIuz

— THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN JARED AND BANNON: Here’s a very telling anecdote from the Times story: Bannon “also advised that ideological softening would buy the president no good will from Democrats or independent voters, whom Mr. Kushner and Ms. Trump believe Mr. Trump still has a chance of reaching. ‘They hate the very mention of his name,’ Mr. Bannon told them. ‘There is no constituency for this.’ His advice for the president: ‘You’ve got the base. And you grow the base by getting’ things done.”

— IMPORTANT FOR TRUMP: “Prominent U.S. religious conservatives defend Trump after Charlottesville,” by Reuters’ Doina Chiacu and Sarah N. Lynch: http://reut.rs/2vWsCjm

— BREAKING OVERNIGHT … TEXAS TRIBUNE: “UT-Austin removing Confederate statues in the middle of the night: In a surprise move, workers at the University of Texas at Austin began removing multiple Confederate statues from a prominent grass mall on campus late Sunday night,” by Matthew Watkins: “The surprise news came with little notice. University president Greg Fenves announced that the statues of Robert E. Lee, Albert Sidney Johnston and John Reagan were being removed because they depict parts of American history that ‘run counter to the university’s core values’ in an e-mail to the campus community just before 11 p.m. A statue of former Texas Gov. James Stephen Hogg was also marked for removal. ‘We do not choose our history, but we choose what we honor and celebrate on our campus,’ he wrote. ‘As UT students return in the coming week, I look forward to welcoming them here for a new academic year with a recommitment to an open, positive and inclusive learning environment for all.’” http://bit.ly/2wooRGC

****** A message from Chevron: We’re piloting a program that uses drones to keep an eye on Chevron wells, tanks, and pipelines—all to keep DOERS and what they’re doin’ safer. Watch the video: http://politi.co/2vLsVyX ******

FOR YOUR RADAR — “Secret Service out of money to pay agents because of Trump’s frequent travel, large family,” by USA Today’s Kevin Johnson: “The Secret Service can no longer afford to pay hundreds of agents it needs to carry out an expanded protective mission – in large part due to the sheer size of President Trump’s family and efforts necessary to secure their multiple residences up and down the East Coast. Secret Service Director Randolph ‘Tex’ Alles, in an interview with USA TODAY, said more than 1,000 agents have already hit the federally mandated caps for salary and overtime allowances that were meant to last the entire year. The agency has faced a crushing workload since the height of the contentious election season, and it has not relented in the first seven months of the administration. Agents must protect Trump – who has traveled almost every weekend to his properties in Florida, New Jersey and Virginia – and his adult children whose business trips and vacations have taken them across the country and overseas.” https://usat.ly/2x5910r

WHAT BOB MUELLER IS READING — NYT A1, “Lobbyist at Trump Campaign Meeting Has a Web of Russian Connections,” by Sharon LaFraniere, David D. Kirkpatrick and Ken Vogel: “Rinat Akhmetshin, a Russian immigrant who met last summer with senior Trump campaign officials, has often struck colleagues as a classic Washington mercenary — loyal to his wife, his daughter and his bank account. He avoided work that would antagonize Moscow, they suggested, only because he profited from his reputation as a man with valuable connections there.

“But interviews with his associates and documents reviewed by The New York Times indicate that Mr. Akhmetshin, who is under scrutiny by the special counsel Robert S. Mueller III, has much deeper ties to the Russian government and Kremlin-backed oligarchs than previously known. He has an association with a former deputy head of a Russian spy service, the F.S.B., and a history of working for close allies of President Vladimir V. Putin. Twice, he has worked on legal battles for Russian tycoons whose opponents suffered sophisticated hacking attacks, arousing allegations of computer espionage. He helped federal prosecutors bring corruption charges against an American businessman in the former Soviet Union who turned out to be working for the C.I.A. … After Mr. Akhmetshin’s presence came to light, a spokesman for Mr. Putin, Dmitry Peskov, told reporters: ‘We don’t know anything about this person.’” http://nyti.ms/2wgcKuL

2020 WATCH — “Trump ramping up for 2020 reelection,” by Alex Isenstadt: “President Donald Trump is methodically building a 2020 reelection campaign machine, shunting aside doubts about his viability for a second term as controversy consumes the early months of his administration. Trump is mapping out a fall fundraising tour that is expected to fill his campaign bank account with tens of millions of dollars. His team has tracked dozens of potential Democratic rivals, a list of names that ranges from Massachusetts Sen. Elizabeth Warren to Facebook co-founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg. And his administration has received political advice from a top campaign pollster from his 2016 campaign, who has urged the president to keep up his attacks on the mainstream media. On Tuesday, Trump heads to the swing state of Arizona for a campaign-style rally organized by his political operation.

“The preparations, described by 10 White House staffers, [RNC] officials, and Trump campaign aides, come at a perilous time for the president, who has seen his approval rating plummet to historic lows and is facing mounting criticism from senior Republicans. Trump is under fire for going easy on white supremacists and has failed to sign a major piece of legislation, while a special counsel is bearing down on his campaign’s dealings with Russia. His chief strategist and main conduit to the activist right, Steve Bannon, left the White House on Friday, and Trump’s advisers say the president is increasingly isolated from his own party.

“Yet Trump’s team — rankled by reports that other Republicans are preparing to run in 2020 if the president falters — are proceeding on the assumption the 71-year-old president seeks reelection. The work commenced in January when Trump filed federal papers declaring himself a 2020 candidate.” http://politi.co/2vWQKSW

WASHINGTON EXAMINER’S DAVID DRUCKER — “Paul Ryan gives huge fundraising boost to House Republicans”: “Speaker Paul Ryan continued building a campaign war chest for House Republicans ahead a possibly treacherous midterm election, transferring another $1.5 million to the [NRCC] in July. The transfer brought the total the Wisconsin Republican has raised for the NRCC to more than $27 million through July 31, and represented an increase of nearly $500,000 over what he gave to the House GOP campaign arm in July of last year. Of the $60 million the NRCC raised through June 30, Ryan was responsible for more than half — $33 million (the committee ended the first six months of the year with $33.7 million in the bank).” http://washex.am/2vgqLnG

COMING ATTRACTIONS — “Labor groups step up pressure on Trump to deliver,” by WaPo’s Dave Weigel: “Labor leaders, once courted by President Trump, are stepping up their campaign to turn workers against the White House if it does not deliver more on jobs and trade — and if it does not stop undoing Obama-era regulations. The most visible effort, which starts in Indianapolis on Monday afternoon, is a two-week tour organized by the coalition Good Jobs Nation that ropes in labor-friendly politicians. The coalition, launched in 2013 to pressure Barack Obama’s White House on trade and wage issues, is organizing rallies throughout the Midwest through Labor Day.” http://wapo.st/2uXWkHl

— “First Round of Talks to Revamp Nafta Reveals Friction,” by WSJ’s Sara Schaefer Muñoz and Bob Davis: “Opening-round talks to remake the North American Free Trade Agreement revealed early fissures dividing the U.S. from Mexico and Canada, including a Trump administration proposal to require a ‘substantial portion of autos and auto parts produced under the pact be made in the U.S. The renegotiation of the trade deal, which was one of President Donald Trump’s main campaign promises and a key pillar of his ‘America First’ agenda aiming to revive U.S. manufacturing and reduce the country’s trade deficit, is likely to face many hurdles. Auto makers in all three nations generally oppose the stricter rules floated by the U.S. negotiator, and pro-business lawmakers in Congress don’t want the pact altered to restrict trade.” http://on.wsj.com/2woeWkm

TRUMP’S MONDAY — The president is lunching with VP Mike Pence and will meet with Secretary of State Rex Tillerson at 1:30 p.m. He’ll attend the swearing in ceremony for Woody Johnson, who is going to London to be the ambassador to the United Kingdom. Trump is going to Fort Myer at 8:30 p.m. and speaks in prime time about Afghanistan at 9 p.m.

THE JUICE …

— FIRST IN PLAYBOOK: Save My Care is launching a new digital ad campaign urging Republicans to oppose the ending of subsidies for Obamacare. The video http://bit.ly/2fXWF6h

— THE RNC raised $10.6 million in July, per a filing made public Sunday.

TODAY’S THE DAY — “Final Eclipse Plans Under Way as Celestial Event Nears,” by WSJ’s Daniela Hernandez: “Monday marks the end of a 99-year wait as the country experiences a total eclipse of the sun, coast to coast for the first time since 1918. The event is drawing large crowds to small towns and cities, and is expected to become a vast, shared experience online. … Roughly 200 million people live within a day’s drive of the so-called path of totality—the 70-mile-wide swath cutting across 14 states from Oregon to South Carolina where the sky will go completely dark as the moon passes directly in front of the sun …

“Nearly twice as many will be able to view at least a partial eclipse … Hopkinsville, Ky., will have one of the nation’s longest periods of darkness during the Aug. 21 eclipse. If skies are clear, the entire U.S. will be able to see at least partial obscuration. Skygazers are planning weddings, participating in citizen-science projects, and flocking to festivals featuring aliens, science-themed activities and concerts to mark the celestial event.” http://on.wsj.com/2xihnBa … Cool NASA map of the U.S. eclipse path http://politi.co/2v5IQoX … Livestream on NASA’s Facebook page http://bit.ly/2ijuzTB

— PER MORNING MEDIA: “[T]he broadcast networks all have special reports planned, while the cable news channels will have rolling coverage. They all have correspondents spread across the country, and gimmicks too. CNN, for example, will offer a 360 degree virtual reality live stream. Non-TV outlets like Time magazine are getting in on the action too, lest you decide to point your browser in their direction. Time will have its White House correspondent (and certified pilot!) Zeke Miller fly a plane from D.C. to South Carolina, through the path of the eclipse.”

REMEMBERING JERRY LEWIS — “Jerry Lewis, Hollywood survivor, showman, dies at 91,” by AP’s Christy Lemire in Los Angeles: “Jerry Lewis epitomized what it meant to be a survivor in Hollywood. Through ups and downs in popularity, health troubles and weight fluctuations and the sorts of seismic shifts that take place over decades in the entertainment industry, Lewis always figured out a way to battle back, to reinvent himself, to stay relevant. It’s what enduring stars know how to do instinctively; perhaps it’s that very drive that makes them stars in the first place.

“Through it all, Lewis remained the consummate showman, and his distinctive comic legacy surely will continue to survive for decades to come. The manic, rubber-faced performer who jumped and hollered to fame in a stage, radio, TV and film partnership with Dean Martin, settled to become a self-conscious auteur in movies he wrote, produced and directed, and found new fame as the tireless, teary host of the annual muscular dystrophy telethons, died Sunday at home in Las Vegas surrounded by family. He was 91. Lewis, who had battled the lung disease pulmonary fibrosis, heart issues, a debilitating back problem and addiction to pain killers, died of natural causes, according to his publicist.” http://bit.ly/2ijn7rD

PHOTO DU JOUR: Marine One, carrying President Donald Trump, lands on the South Lawn of the White House on Aug. 20. The president returned to Washington D.C. after a working vacation. | J. David Ake/AP Photo

CHARLIE SYKES in the N.Y.T. Magazine: “I have long admired Paul Ryan and thought of him as the future of the Republican Party. But he’s made a Faustian bargain. I keep thinking about that scene from ‘A Man for All Seasons,’ where Thomas More says, ‘What profit a man to gain the whole world if he loses his soul, but for Wales?’ And I keep thinking, But for tax cuts, Paul?” http://nyti.ms/2xjmj98

BOSTON GLOBE’S ANNIE LINSKEY in Bristol, Tennessee: “Among NASCAR fans, there’s a divide over Trump”: “Donald Trump’s seven months in Washington have netted little in the way of meaningful legislative accomplishments or even enforceable executive edicts. Yet many in this crowd said they feel more permission to be outspoken on issues once viewed as sensitive, like race. And in interviews with more than 50 fans here, nearly all have seen divisions in their lives growing wider, with sharper lines between those who support Trump and those who don’t. …

“‘The white people are starting to stand up,’ said Miller ‘Bud’ Fulton, 56, who sat out near his camper sipping beer one evening last week with his son. ‘You’ve got a movement going on.’ Fulton, who drove to the racetrack from Ohio, wanted to be clear about one thing: ‘I’m not a Klan member. I’m not a racist.’” http://bit.ly/2fY6Fw9

THE ADMINISTRATION — “White House Likely to Name Rep. Jim Bridenstine NASA Chief by Next Month,” by WSJ’s Andy Pasztor: “The White House by early September plans to nominate Oklahoma Rep. Jim Bridenstine as head of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, tapping a Republican legislator who is a strong proponent of commercial space ventures but has scant management experience, according to people familiar with the details. A former active-duty U.S. Navy pilot who publicly sought the position and was widely reported to be the front-runner even weeks before President Donald Trump’s inauguration, Mr. Bridenstine has been a leader in fashioning legislation boosting manned exploration of the moon, including minerals mining. Such positions are in line with the views of senior White House officials … as is his desire to save money—and improve efficiency—by more closely coordinating NASA programs with those at other civilian agencies and the Defense Department.” http://on.wsj.com/2xifDrv

— WE REPORTED Bridenstine was in the running in February, and many of the Oklahoma Republican’s friends were wondering why the administration has been so slow to tap him for this slot. This will spark a special election in Bridenstine’s solidly Republican district, which he snatched from a sitting lawmaker in 2012.

****** A message from Chevron: This is a story about energy, safety, and some truly high-flyin’ doin’. We’re piloting a program that uses drones, HD imaging, and thermal mapping to help keep a close eye on Chevron wells, tanks, and pipelines—all to keep DOERS and what they’re doin’ safer. Watch the video: http://politi.co/2vLsVyX ******

L.A. TIMES — “Trump impeachment more likely than removal, California Rep. Brad Sherman says at town hall meeting,” by Doug Smith: “San Fernando Valley Rep. Brad Sherman received an overwhelming endorsement from constituents Sunday for his decision to introduce articles of impeachment against President Trump. Several hundred attendees of a town hall cheered Sherman’s recitation of the reasons he thinks Trump has committed high crimes and misdemeanors, the constitutional standard for impeachment. …

“‘Impeachment is more likely than the 25th Amendment, and it could take a few more shocking things to happen,’ Sherman said. ‘We’re not there yet.’” http://lat.ms/2fYlRcG

GABE SHERMAN RETURNS — “STEVE BANNON READIES HIS REVENGE: The war on Jared Kushner is about to go nuclear,” in Vanity Fair’s The Hive: “Bannon’s main targets are the West Wing’s coterie of New York Democrat ‘globalists’ — Ivanka Trump, Jared Kushner and former Goldman Sachs president Gary Cohn—as well as the ‘hawks,’ comprised of National Security Adviser H.R McMaster and his deputy, Dina Powell. ‘He wants to beat their ideas into submission,’ Breitbart News Editor-in-Chief Alex Marlow told me. ‘Steve has a lot of things up his sleeve.’

“The chaotic, war-torn West Wing of the past six months will be prologue, but the coming struggles will be as personal as they are ideological, waged not with leaks but with slashing Breitbart banners. On Sunday, Breitbart took renewed aim at McMaster, with a headline claiming he advocated ‘Quran Kissing.’ But most of all, there’s a deep animosity between Bannon and Kushner, amplified by a lack of respect. Bannon finds Kushner’s political instincts highly questionable. ‘He said Jared is a dope,’ one Bannon ally recalled.

“The two clashed fiercely on personnel decisions and policy debates, both domestic and international, many of which Bannon lost. But Bannon, who was the only West Wing advisor to publicly support the president’s response to the violence in Charlottesville, is especially galled at being scapegoated as an anti-Semite in its wake. ‘It’s one of the attacks he takes most personally because it’s not true,’ a Breitbart staffer told me.” http://bit.ly/2wohu1K

VALLEY READ — “Tech Goes From White House to Doghouse in Trump’s Washington,” by Bloomberg’s Todd Shields, Mark Bergen and Ben Brody: “Google once had Barack Obama’s ear, served as a revolving door for White House staff and saw its political agenda advance. In Donald Trump’s Washington, some conservatives say it’s gotten so powerful it should be regulated like a public utility. Google is not alone in a fall from grace. Tech companies — including Facebook and Amazon.com — that were previously lauded as innovators are facing increased scrutiny over their size, their hiring practices and whether online news feeds skew liberal. …

“A regulation that protects data flows is already slated for gutting by the Federal Communications Commission, and, in Congress, a law has been proposed that would bring internet companies under a privacy regulator. Another would increase legal liability for website operators as a way to combat online sex trafficking.” https://bloom.bg/2vWzjSF

SPOTTED: Tiffany Trump and Marla Maples yesterday at Miss Pixies on 14th

TRANSITIONS — Molly Drenkard has been promoted to national press secretary for the House Republican Conference.

BIRTHDAY OF THE DAY: Steve Case, chairman and CEO of Revolution and co-founder of AOL, is 59. How he’s celebrating: “First, I’d like to point out that I won’t just be celebrating my birthday on August 21st — it’s also World Entrepreneurship Day — a time to celebrate all the ways in which brilliant minds and ideas have changed the way we live, work, and interact. Today, popular culture often glamorizes the profession. But there is often little glamour involved in building a startup. I like to say that AOL was an overnight success 10 years in the making. It’s important that we celebrate the contributions and journeys of those that pursue such challenging paths. On Monday, I’ll be in Tennessee to watch the solar eclipse with my wife Jean. Jean is chairman of National Geographic and I am vice chairman of the Smithsonian Institution, so we decided to travel to a place where we can (weather permitting) see the total eclipse. It’s an awesome way to celebrate a birthday!” Read his Playbook Plus Q&A: http://politi.co/2iioTcF

BIRTHDAYS: Ken Mehlman, global head of public affairs at KKR … Peter Hamby, head of news at Snapchat and host of Snapchat’s “Good Luck America” (hat tips: girlfriend Jackie Alemany, Rachel Racusen and Jesse Ferguson) … NBC newsman Harry Smith is 65 … WaPo’s Manuel Roig-Franzia … Ben Howard, special assistant to the president who works in the office of legislative affairs (h/t dad Jack) … Politico’s David Beavers … Sen. Jon Tester (D-Mont.) is 61 … Mike Shannon … Margaret Chan, former director-general of WHO, is 7-0 … Steve Munroe is 32 … Elizabeth Stoltz … Stephen Neuman, Hillary campaign alum, is 41 … Brian Parks of Locust Street Group … Matt Cott … Puja Murgai … Joe Minges … Hunter Lipscomb … Katie Brown … Politico Europe’s Stephanie Semeraro …

… Arkansas Lt. Gov. Tim Griffin is 49 (h/t Matt Rhoades) … Elaine Godfrey, assistant editor at The Atlantic and author of their “Politics and Policy Daily” newsletter (h/t Daniel Stublen) … Ruben Olmos, president of government/public affairs shop Global Nexus, LLC … Cheyne Worley … Mary Ann Naylor … Bruce Evans … Katherine Rojas … Sarah Rusciano … Joan Kirchner … Marguerite Biagi … former Fox News and NY Post reporter Jana Winter … David Heifetz … Matt DeCample … Reuben Jeffery is 64 … Greg Bell, executive comms at Pinterest … Robert Wells … Joe Mathieu … Quartz’s Cameron Hough … Lindsay Fisher, VP at Citigroup … WMAL’s Heather Smith … Francine McMahon … former Calif. Lt. Gov. Abel Maldonado is 5-0 … Brandon Lee Breaux … Larry Martin … Paul Harstad (h/ts Teresa Vilmain) … Lamont Black … Jack Kelly … Tom Houck … Jessica Lee … Adam Dubitsky … Heather Martin … Olympic gold medal sprinter Usain Bolt is 31 (h/t AP)

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from CapitalistHQ.com https://capitalisthq.com/first-look-inside-the-new-oval-office-nyt-w-h-frets-about-trumps-phoenix-rally-trump-ramps-up-for-2020-bannon-takes-aim-at-kushner-ivanka-and-cohn-secret-service-cash-crunch/

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