#but sure accuse every trans woman who occasionally talks about trans misogyny of being one | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

eternalgirlscout · 5 years

Text

how to spot a TERF*: an incomplete guide

TW: transphobia, misogyny, transmisogyny, misgendering, dysphoria

*disclaimer: the term “TERF” is both largely disliked by people to whom it can be accurately applied and is not always preferred by people targeted by these ideologies (TWEF has been in occasional use instead, standing for trans-women-exclusionary feminism, to highlight the specific transmisogyny central to these arguments). however, I use TERF in this post because it is the most easily-recognizable and common acronym for the ideas and groups at hand.

the thing i think a lot of people don’t realize is that TERF rhetoric doesn’t necessarily look like sentimental fawning over the “Sacred Female Body” or calling every single trans woman a “predatory man in a dress” anymore. yes, a lot of TERFs still do these things, and at a certain level most don’t disagree with them, but there are plenty of people pushing the same rhetoric and agendas who do so in much more insidious, sometimes seemingly-innocuous ways.

for example, it’s important to know that “gender critical” (or even “gender realist”) means being critical of gender as separate from sex--the “gender critical” school of thought accepts the (false) idea that biological “realities” necessarily define all social and material experiences and accesses to privilege. queer folks in spaces i’ve been in are fond of saying “gender is fake” as shorthand for “the gender binary is a restrictive construct”; this isn’t itself a problem, but people in TERF/GC circles (as in gender critical, not to be confused with GNC as an initialism for gender non-conforming) will say things like “gender is bullshit” when they MEAN that gender identity as a category that does not perfectly reflect a cissexist binary system of gender&sex categorization is bullshit. so-called “feminists” who subscribe to GC frameworks aren’t defining womanhood as a ~sacred experience of the perfection of having a vagina~ or whatever; their rhetoric is less transparent than that, and harder to poke holes in, so it’s important to understand what they’re actually saying.

at the same time, there are gender critical individuals who are not TERFs per se and/or attempt to distance themselves from trans-exclusionary radical feminism due to how widely shunned TERFs are by name. there are TERFs and GC people who, in fact, claim they want to support trans people! but only certain trans people--the corollary here is that there are trans people who repeat TERF talking points and go to bat for TERFs. there are TERFs who will point to the token trans person who parrots their bullshit and say “see! this is one of the good ones. these are the people actually worthy of support.” tokenizing individual trans people is an attempt to absolve themselves of accusations of simple bigotry. too, plenty of TERFs won’t deny the reality of gender dysphoria or the right of people to transition. instead, they portray people with debilitating dysphoria who also agree with them as the rare overlap in the venn diagram of people worthy of respect--as long as they don’t get too loud or insist that a trans woman could be a “real woman,” that trans women could truly experience womanhood. and don’t get confused; they’ll throw trans men and all manner of nonbinary people under the bus any chance they get, but the microscope is nearly always on trans women first and foremost. trans women are hypervisible in ways that make them easy targets. TERFs and GC people will even sometimes accept AFAB trans people into the fold, as long as they don’t get too loud about trans issues or stray from the message that biology=material reality=social reality and all the aforementioned categories are (at least to some extent) immutable.

here are a few other TERF/GC terms and dogwhistles to look out for, that i’ve had the unpleasant experience of seeing through hours spent blocking every TERF i can find.

if you see these terms and ideas in a post, be very, very careful. reblogs/likes/retweets etc are a way that TERFs rely on your tacit acceptance of their worldview:

“TRA”

(”trans rights activist”)

“TIM”

(”trans-identifying male”)

“gyn”/”gyns”

(used as a noun in place of “women”)

“adult human female”

(usually in bio/blog description, sometimes shown as the dictionary definition of “woman”)

“dysphoric female”/”dysphoric male”

(used for trans men/trans women respectively)

“peak trans”

(used to malign any trans person or trans ally who says something TERFs can portray as bigoted, violent, or untrue)

“genderism”

(a negative term for the belief in gender as a social construct)

self-proclaiming to be a radical feminist/”RadFem”

(there are, of course, radical feminists who are not TERFs. however, the particular strain of radical feminism that is trans-exclusionary tries to paint itself as the One True Radical Feminism, and TERFs rely on this equivalency to make themselves seem in the majority in at least one corner of feminist thought)

decrying liberal feminists/”LibFems”

(for this one, it’s especially important to keep an eye on context; there are plenty of genuine criticisms of, for example, liberal White feminism that have nothing to do with TERF ideology. however, many TERFs will construct and perpetuate a discourse wherein mainstream liberal feminism is “too trans-positive” to the point of silencing any dissenting opinion)

“TERF is a slur”

(TERFs will take any opportunity to portray themselves as being “silenced.” watch out for accompanying concern about “silencing women.”)

pushing for gender separatism

(especially true of people who justify this separatism by claiming men are inherently violent)

biological essentialism

(see above: arguing that the biological “realities” of the “two” sexes result in inherent differences in behavior, leading men to be fundamentally abusive and women to be incapable of similar abuse or oppression)

the idea that trans men & other transmasculine people are “gender traitors”

(this is an especially hypocritical one; the reasoning more or less goes that trans women can never lose the ~male privilege~ they hold even after transitioning, but trans men are stealing all the privilege for themselves by doing so)

pushing for gatekeeping practices in trans healthcare/access to transition

(this includes but is not limited to: emphasizing dysphoria as the central element of trans people’s validity, assuming trans identity is caused by a psychological problem until proven otherwise, taking a stance against self-ID laws for gender markers)

this is far from a complete list of terms and ideas common in TERF ways of thinking. i’m certain i’ve forgotten some, and i’m also sure there are plenty i’m not aware of. i just hope this post helps people see through the veneer of feminism that TERFs, GC people, and other camps of exclusionary dogma utilize that are less obvious than their more bold-faced claims.

EDIT: none of this is to imply that all the terms or ideas i’ve listed here are innocuous or not obvious when pointed out. rather, many of them are things i’ve seen in posts reblogged by well-meaning people who aren’t familiar with them or on blogs i see as the source of posts about other topics. others are simply common TERF rhetorical tactics i think it’s important to be aware of.

#terfs #NOT terf safe and boy howdy i'm pissed that tag showed up as a suggestion #transphobia cw #transmisogyny cw #terf mention #dysphoria cw #misgendering cw #long post #read more #Deplatform TERFs #gender critical #gender critical critical #that tag is really funny to me #look at all those letters #pleakly from lilo and stitch voice ''EDUCATE YOURSELVES''

114 notes · View notes

coolandreezie · 7 years

Text

The Terrible Bargain We Have Regretfully Struck Posted by Melissa McEwan at Friday, August 14, 2009 [Trigger warning.]

Despite feminists' reputation, and contra my own individual reputation cultivated over five years of public opinion-making, I am not a man-hater.

If I played by misogynists' rules, specifically the one that dictates it only takes one woman doing one Mean or Duplicitous or Disrespectful or Unlawful or otherwise Bad Thing to justify hatred of all women, I would have plenty of justification for hating men, if I were inclined to do that sort of thing.

Most of my threatening hate mail comes from men. The most unrelentingly trouble-making trolls have always been men. I've been cat-called and cow-called from moving vehicles countless times, and subjected to other forms of street harassment, and sexually harassed at work, always by men. I have been sexually assaulted—if one includes rape, attempted rape, unsolicited touching of breasts, buttocks, and/or genitals, nonconsensual frottage on public transportation, and flashing—by dozens of people during my lifetime, some known to me, some strangers, all men.

But I don't hate men, because I play by different rules. In fact, there are men in this world whom I love quite a lot.

There are also individual men in this world I would say I probably hate, or something close, men who I hold in unfathomable contempt, but it is not because they are men.

No, I don't hate men.

It would, however, be fair to say that I don't easily trust them.

My mistrust is not, as one might expect, primarily a result of the violent acts done on my body, nor the vicious humiliations done to my dignity. It is, instead, born of the multitude of mundane betrayals that mark my every relationship with a man—the casual rape joke, the use of a female slur, the careless demonization of the feminine in everyday conversation, the accusations of overreaction, the eyerolling and exasperated sighs in response to polite requests to please not use misogynist epithets in my presence or to please use non-gendered language ("humankind").

There are the insidious assumptions guiding our interactions—the supposition that I will regard being exceptionalized as a compliment ("you're not like those other women"), and the presumption that I am an ally against certain kinds of women. Surely, we're all in agreement that Britney Spears is a dirty slut who deserves nothing but a steady stream of misogynist vitriol whenever her name is mentioned, right? Always the subtle pressure to abandon my principles to trash this woman or that woman, as if I'll never twig to the reality that there's always a justification for unleashing the misogyny, for hating a woman in ways reserved only for women. I am exhorted to join in the cruel revelry, and when I refuse, suddenly the target is on my back. And so it goes.

There are the jokes about women, about wives, about mothers, about raising daughters, about female bosses. They are told in my presence by men who are meant to care about me, just to get a rise out of me, as though I am meant to find funny a reminder of my second-class status. I am meant to ignore that this is a bullying tactic, that the men telling these jokes derive their amusement specifically from knowing they upset me, piss me off, hurt me. They tell them and I can laugh, and they can thus feel superior, or I can not laugh, and they can thus feel superior. Heads they win, tails I lose. I am used as a prop in an ongoing game of patriarchal posturing, and then I am meant to believe it is true when some of the men who enjoy this sport, in which I am their pawn, tell me, "I love you." I love you, my daughter. I love you, my niece. I love you, my friend. I am meant to trust these words.

There are the occasions that men—intellectual men, clever men, engaged men—insist on playing devil's advocate, desirous of a debate on some aspect of feminist theory or reproductive rights or some other subject generally filed under the heading: Women's Issues. These intellectual, clever, engaged men want to endlessly probe my argument for weaknesses, want to wrestle over details, want to argue just for fun—and they wonder, these intellectual, clever, engaged men, why my voice keeps raising and why my face is flushed and why, after an hour of fighting my corner, hot tears burn the corners of my eyes. Why do you have to take this stuff so personally? ask the intellectual, clever, and engaged men, who have never considered that the content of the abstract exercise that's so much fun for them is the stuff of my life.

There is the perplexity at my fury that my life experience is not considered more relevant than the opinionated pronouncements of men who make a pastime of informal observation, like womanhood is an exotic locale which provides magnificent fodder for the amateur ethnographer. And there is the haughty dismissal of my assertion that being on the outside looking in doesn't make one more objective; it merely provides a different perspective.

There are the persistent, tiresome pronouncements of similitude between men's and women's experiences, the belligerent insistence that handsome men are objectified by women, too! that women pinch men's butts sometimes, too! that men are expected to look a certain way at work, too! that women rape, too! and other equivalencies that conveniently and stupidly ignore institutional inequities that mean X rarely equals Y. And there are the long-suffering groans that meet any attempt to contextualize sexism and refute the idea that such indignities, though grim they all may be, are not necessarily equally oppressive.

There are the stereotypes—oh, the abundant stereotypes!—about women, not me, of course, but other women, those women with their bad driving and their relentless shopping habits and their PMS and their disgusting vanity and their inability to stop talking and their disinterest in Important Things and their trying to trap men and their getting pregnant on purpose and their false rape accusations and their being bitches sluts whores cunts… And I am expected to nod in agreement, and I am nudged and admonished to agree. I am expected to say these things are not true of me, but are true of women (am I seceding from the union?); I am expected to put my stamp of token approval on the stereotypes. Yes, it's true. Between you and me, it's all true. That's what is wanted from me. Abdication of my principles and pride, in service to a patriarchal system that will only use my collusion to further subjugate me. This is a thing that is asked of me by men who purport to care for me.

There is the unwillingness to listen, a ferociously stubborn not getting it on so many things, so many important things. And the obdurate refusal to believe, to internalize, that my outrage is not manufactured and my injure not make-believe—an inflexible rejection of the possibility that my pain is authentic, in favor of the consolatory belief that I am angry because I'm a feminist (rather than the truth: that I'm a feminist because I'm angry).

And there is the denial about engaging in misogyny, even when it's evident, even when it's pointed out gently, softly, indulgently, carefully, with goodwill and the presumption that it was not intentional. There is the firm, fixed, unyielding denial—because it is better and easier to imply that I'm stupid or crazy, that I have imagined being insulted by someone about whom I care (just for the fun of it!), than it is to just admit a bloody mistake. Rather I am implied to be a hysteric than to say, simply, I'm sorry.

Not every man does all of these things, or even most of them, and certainly not all the time. But it only takes one, randomly and occasionally, exploding in a shower of cartoon stars like an unexpected punch in the nose, to send me staggering sideways, wondering what just happened.

Well. I certainly didn't see that coming…

These things, they are not the habits of deliberately, connivingly cruel men. They are, in fact, the habits of the men in this world I love quite a lot.

All of whom have given me reason to mistrust them, to use my distrust as a self-protection mechanism, as an essential tool to get through every day, because I never know when I might next get knocked off-kilter with something that puts me in the position, once again, of choosing between my dignity and the serenity of our relationship.

Swallow shit, or ruin the entire afternoon?

It can come out of nowhere, and usually does. Which leaves me mistrustful by both necessity and design. Not fearful; just resigned—and on my guard. More vulnerability than that allows for the possibility of wounds that do not heal. Wounds to our relationship, the sort of irreparable damage that leaves one unable to look in the eye someone that you loved once upon a time.

This, then, is the terrible bargain we have regretfully struck: Men are allowed the easy comfort of their unexamined privilege, but my regard will always be shot through with a steely, anxious bolt of caution.

A shitty bargain all around, really. But there it is.

There are men who will read this post and think, huffily, dismissively, that a person of color could write a post very much like this one about white people, about me. That's absolutely right. So could a lesbian, a gay man, a bisexual, an asexual. So could a trans or intersex person (which hardly makes a comprehensive list). I'm okay with that. I don't feel hated. I feel mistrusted—and I understand it; I respect it. It means, for me, I must be vigilant, must make myself trustworthy. Every day.

I hope those men will hear me when I say, again, I do not hate you. I mistrust you. You can tell yourselves that's a problem with me, some inherent flaw, some evidence that I am fucked up and broken and weird; you can choose to believe that the women in your lives are nothing like me.

Or you can be vigilant, can make yourselves trustworthy. Every day.

Just in case they're more like me than you think.

...As I lie awake at night wondering what happened to the light hearted, easy going, flirty girl I once was, I read this and understand. I am angry and also saddened. Trust is important in order to live a complete life. To feel that trust from people you love, and depend on, makes life a secure and happy place. No trust, no security, erodes your very being. Soon, you become someone who you barely recognize. Someone who questions everything. One who decides to do nothing. Who is scared and just plain tired of fighting so hard for respect and dignity.Who trust no one.

#melissa mcewan #trust #misogyny #demeaning #discredited #marginalized #scared #sad #dignity

1 note · View note