#but path of pain... is pain still

[kimmkitsuragi]

"i will play games to escape the stress and anxiety of normal daily life"

*plays hollow knight's last 12% portion*

#i was just sitting here in the office thinking omg i will play hk tonight <3 #but then i remembered im literally in the white palace rn. wow #very stress relieving game play much helpful #i did not give up from nkg and 3rd trial but i tried them A Lot and it was just not happening so i went to the palace #and it's not as bad as i remember tbh??? but yesterday night i entered the path of pain unintentionally like #like i literally forgot abt how to enter it and then i accidentally found it again and i was like HAHAHA not right now #i tried a little bit but </3 another thing i will come back to #anyway i will continue w the palace rn the normal portions arent as hard as i remember fr #but path of pain... is pain still #i will do all of them this timeeee i dont remember exactly where i gave up last time but i didnt have full 112% #but this time i will do it bc why not i feel like im somehow a lot better than i used to be #so im more confident jdjdjdjf #rants #hollow knight

[cerealboxlore]

I love how casually crying over Billy Batson is just how some of my days are now.

I thought about him and the Bromfield family, how he had struggled for years to find a place where he belonged and had to suffer through horrible living conditions because of terrible people. I thought about how after his parent's deaths, no one took care of him. No one let him grieve. No one let him cry on their shoulders and told him everything was going to be okay. Just looks of discontent and frustration, thinking that he was just an inconvenience to the foster system. He must have thought he was too hard to love. Not enough.

His uncle Ebeneezer was your classic narcissistic abuser who didn't care about others. All he cared about was money. He didn't care about taking care of Billy when he was supposed to.

I saw a video before where the narcissistic behavior of a parent/guardian was replicated, and the person said, "Have you thought that maybe you're just not easy to love?" And I imagine Ebeneezer saying that to a little Billy Batson, who just wants to be held and is being refused emotional support and help. Billy was made to feel small and inferior to all the adults around him, who said he wasn't special for his parents dying and that he needed to grow up and stop being so immature.

"Your feelings don't matter."

"Are you talking to me? Did anyone ask you to talk? Be quiet."

"You need to stop asking for so much. You live under my roof, that's more than what others would do."

"I don't care about your feelings. Stop being so emotional."

"You're being dramatic. You made me hit you. This is your own fault for talking back."

Billy has gone through so much over the years since his parents' deaths, and I can't imagine how relieving it must have been for him to meet the Bromfields. I think about Nick listening to Billy and taking the time to hear him and focus on what he wants and needs. Going on car rides and eating big belly burgers to their hearts content. Baking cookies and cakes at home (because Nora Bromfeild should not be trusted with a kitchen) and just enjoying life. Eating fresh cookies with milk, talking about their hobbies and personal lives. How Billy doesn't have to hide any secrets from them, and they give him all the privacy he wants, respecting his space and choices.

Billy would finally find hobbies for himself! He could take the time to let himself be happy and enjoy wasting time. I think it was either stamp or coin collecting that was his old hobby in the older comics. With the Bromfields, he can start living life as Billy Batson without worry of being neglected or shamed for being present. He doesn't have to deal with narcissistic abuse anymore (except for when fighting his villains).

I don't know what the point of this post was, I just wanted to talk about Billy and how he made me cry after eating a mango and thinking too hard.

#billy batson #dc captain marvel #shazam #dc comics #writing #the levels of abuse and neglect this kid went through and suffered through is insane #i could write an essay about it #and he still chose to be a good person #he doesn't inflict that trauma and pain onto others and decides to be true to his heart #not even gods could stay on the path of righteousness and honor as Billy can #i still want to throw a steel chair at ebeneezer though-

[sidereon-spaceace]

torn between wanting to make all my ocs Specialest Little Guys and overpowered VS. the fact I just finished watching all three extended editions of Lord of the Rings and am deeply moved by the struggles and worth of the common man

#ramblings #the end of Return of the King gave me many OC Thoughts and now you're going to hear them #might veto the whole 'Funney Big Weapon Guy is also psychic' thing for Sid Sibyl #won't fully un-magic him just cuz i made it a common thing in the setting but like. i might still nerf him a little in that aspect #his whole schtick is that he is aggressively Just A Guy #he's very persistent. won't come back from a job until he found the last crate that fell off the merchant's wagon or whatever #very good at sword-fighting. cuz he trains and spars a lot and eats like a furnace to keep up his strength #his 'high pain tolerance' is something im self-inserting where i won't notice injuries until later. a bit oblivious. just keeps on truckin #an altogether formidable combo but. he is so much Just A Guy #no super strength no immunities no super-charged magic. not even a cursed weapon to give him a leg up #he finally visits his home again and it's confusing why it's not the same as he remembers it- #-when he should have much more in common with old neighbors and vendors at the market than with his cosmically superpowered friends #old sights and sounds and some friends that give him a warm welcome-back but... it's not the same. it's not home. not anymore #from the moment he chose his path he could never go back home #and I feel like the tragedy of that would be undercut if i gave him something like future-vision or a magical sword

[shandzii]

YOU LIKE HOLLOW KNIGHT!?!? AWAWAWW YES YESSSS anyway do you have a favorite character 👀

I've been a fan since 2018-ish heueuueue Just took a lil break bc other interests go brrr

Got pulled nack into it bc the Vocalized mod had me on my knees it's so good ouggh,,, and also its almost been a year since the last Silksong announcement so I'm preparing my gamer hands akhfskg

My heart belongs to Hornet 🙏 and I have a soft spot for Grimmchild wahhhh he's just a babie

Gonna ramble abt the game in the tags don't mind me wahhh

#also in the past few weeks i have finally: #beat trial 3 #beat the path of pain for the first time #(its actually rly fun to do now ajdhjsg) #all 4 bindings in the first 4 pantheons #AND reached absolute radiance for the first time yesterday!!!! #markoth and zote were KILLING me HDAJHFAJFJ #still no p5 but im working on that hueueue #explodes

[silksongeveryday]

Someone’s probably asked you this question before, but what do you plan to do when silksong does come out? Will you make drawing Zoteboat gets released :P

I’ll probably still post doodles occasionally (definitely not daily), maybe more finished/rendered artworks, massive rb sprees of people’s Silksong arts, and generally just vibe. Basically I’ll still be active just not posting daily. Maybe I’ll post my experience playing Silksong.

#that is if Silksong ever comes out #day by day with all the crap going on it seems more and more impossible #silksongeveryday #not daily #not daily post #thanks for the ask!! #who knows I may or may not post zoteboat for the memes #I am very excited for silksong still though #though tbh I’m not exactly a good player #pretty sure I still haven’t beaten colo 3 yet somehow beat panthons 1-3 and Path of pain

[gaygollum]

there’s not a day that goes by where i am not thinking about this bit of ghost quartet. i say this a lot but dave malloy you were insane for this one.

#because they think we dont treat it holy enough…. im confounded by music…. #we beheld an infinity of wonders and yet we sat at our desks in stoic calculation stripped of awe….. #also the meaning for all his pain bit. OUGH. #hes doing it to himself but he still needs it to mean something #something something there is art in violence #something something adam was so used to the right way being painful he doubted any path that didnt come with agony #that bit in tick tick boom where susan says youre thinking about how to turn this into a song arent you? #i web weaved. you didnt web weave shit. IVE WEB WEAVED #ghost quartet #dave malloy #mine

[sophies-junkyard]

Tentoo will never know that Donna remembered him. Ok that’s all :)

#doctor who #doctor who spoilers #this realization has made me Completely Fine #he’ll never know for sure that she survived tbh. that she has such an amazing family and a metacrisis daughter??? #I feel like having Rose and the rest of the Tyler’s and life on the slow path would let him grieve and cope and stuff #but still. I think it would be neat if he didn’t just carry that pain for the rest of his life #metacrisis doctor #tentoo #10th doctor #14th doctor #donna noble #david tennant #this is my life

[soph-skies]

i think one of the reasons i’m so drawn to xue yang (besides Hot. and Vaguely Evil) is that every time i see him i’m staring at an alternate universe wei wuxian. he and wwx are absolutely each other’s ‘what could have been’ and watching them interact is so fascinating

#you can so clearly see how despite beginning in the same situation their paths diverged so early on in life #and then we get into the nurture vs nature debate #i’m willing to argue a bit of both here #wwx is so fundamentally justice oriented and we see what lengths he will go to to defend that #literally with his life #i don’t think you could ever change that but i do think the (limited) care of the jiangs certainly shaped him #xue yang seems so fundamentally drawn to cruelty #but it’s hard to see where the pain of abandonment and thirst for revenge separates from his nature #i think he would have always been interested in cruelty i think that aspect of him cannot be changed #if he just wanted revenge he would have stopped at harming those who abandoned him #yet he continued to extremes and murdered entire clans seemingly for fun #i would argue even if he had a loving upbringing that innate cruelty would have still manifested itself somehow #HOWEVER #xue yang with a loving upbringing is still harmful but certainly not to the extent he is without it #i see that version of him as a more twisted wwx type who is into experimentation but ultimately is drawn back to society by his loved ones #they are so fundamentally opposed in their values #and yet on some level they are both that scared abandoned child #mdzs #the untamed #cql #wei wuxian #wei ying #wwx #xue yang #xy #cql meta #the untamed meta #i love 2 am philosophy

[good-beanswrites]

I wanted to see your LCSYS take on the differences in the prisoners' uniforms in the Milgram Hallucination event:

The outfits all zip in the front, even those that wouldn't in the art. Shugo wears a coat instead of a cape. Ryota doesn't have half of his uniform tucked in. Minami is wearing a skirt under her costume. (Hi Nott!) Maybe I missed some.

Hmm, that's a neat detail! Because presumably they'd have their uniforms on hand, and they should just wear those. The fact that they had to create new ones leads to a few possibilities: 1. Milgram didn't realize what a hit the songs would be, and figured they wouldn't need these random straightjackets anymore. They got rid of them after the experiment, 2. Milgram gave the prisoners their uniforms to keep and they're the ones that threw them out, not caring to remember their life of restraints, or 3. Milgram does actually face some real-world consequences for being incredibly shady, and all their possessions are currently being investigated by the government. I personally think option 3 is funniest, and enjoy picturing Jackalope planning a live concert and selling merch while simultaneously trying to cover up a huge potential scandal/legal battle behind the scenes asdfsdf.

Amane's case is slightly different, since hers has to do with her own clothes. I like to think it'd be a sign of her leaving her old life behind and starting over. When Mahiru takes her in, (with Amane's permission,) she completely replaces her wardrobe to remove any painful memories that may be attached. There are a few things she liked too much to part with, maybe including her purple hat :) When it's time to perform, Jackalope offers to find her a skirt just like her original, but she prefers to do without it.

#milgram #lights camera sing your sins #thank you for the question! #the problem with option 2 is actually do think some of them would keep the uniform as a reminder to themselves to be better #i can really see shidou and kotoko putting it somewhere prominent so theyre constantly reminded not to go down the wrong path #maybe even fuuta #and i think mahiru would keep it for more sentimental reasons lol #but yeah i still like the last option LOL #'oh uhh sorry we cant find the uniforms at the moment 🤷🐰 looks like we'll just get you guys new ones haha' *glares at the government #official currently archiving each uniform as evidence* #and i love the thought of amane making an effort to leave her own past behind! obviously mahiru doesnt make her cut all ties #but she can remove some of the more painful things #and if thats the school uniform skirt that amane was often punished in/committed her murder in then i definitely think it would go #amane momose #jackalope

[noobartperson]

i was on a long flight and was sleeping while listening to a playlist full of chill music from video game soundtracks and at some point i fell asleep. so i woke up at some point, it was pitch black out the window and everyone else was asleep and apparently the music had automatically turned off or my headphones died because nothing was playing. WRONG got jumpscared by End Times from outer wilds and thought the loop was ending

#this isnt even the first time something like this happened #ill just zone out to something like pictures of the past from rain world and BOOM #path of pain music #or BOOM departure eote #or BOOM literally any track from farewell celeste #absolutely my fault i put every song on there #but still #words #outer wilds

[silenthillbunni]

🤧🐀🌧️🌊

#need to clear my head; #im in such a bad mood. my face is in a perpetual angry state. im just so so bitter nd pessimistic rn #trying not to get stuck in negative chaos thought spirals nd to just take it as it come #nd be patient bc recovery takes time i know. but i havent been able to feel healthy or functional for 7 months nd i am so tired #i cant help but worry abt my health nd what kinda diet i can have nd how to work all of that out. #like the removal of the gallbladder dont ensure a good digestive system. they remove it bc it can irrepairably hurt u #also im so so stressed out abt school nd my courses. i already had to drop one last week. nd it isnt looking like i'll be able to pass my #eng class.. it just isnt looking like it's realistic at all :/ i personally dont mind if i fail. but i can get issues w my wellfare hmm #bc like im still feeling rough nd u only get sick leave for one week after surgery.. so i have to go on thursday nd friday but im gnna #be in pain plus be so hungry nd be unable to concentrate idk #idk idk!! im already willing to take out loans to finish my upper secondary school.. but i have to make it work w timing nd stuff so im not #sitting here unable to pay rent or the bills or food lmao. so idk have to fix it somehow #nd the pressure of this country rapidly declining state is stressing me tf out!! having nazi conservative rightists in the ruling is just #dreadful!!!! for many reasons but atm idek if i can do distance classes like i wanted to :// #i just.. wanna be able to go for my long walks. go to the gym. eat normally. have coffee. study nd finish highschool. #then apply for whatever program i can nd move to another calmer city. prob eventually find a path to move to another country. like norway.. #im thinking too much but my thoughts are spinning nd killing me like i cant stop it im so scared nd anxious lmao 💀 #im also trying to be brave and write to the psych clinic for personality disorders nd be upset nd 'beg' them for help ksksksks. #but like... the thing abt having avpd is that i kinda dont wanna bc im scared of the possibility of them helping me lol #im just in a low place nd bad headspace and it's just getring worse nd im getting more nd more tired #i dont have much more energy to keep it together nd pretend like im ok or like i have hope lmaoooo idk what to do #anyway... idk idk guess i just gotta .. keep crawling forward anyway i can

[cubicpeebles]

I have been re-attempting Enot, and I've actually managed to get to Chimney Canopy!

It is actually one of the easier places to be, as you have infinite yeeks as either food or lizard bait, though it sucks that you kinda have to use them to do anything (if you don't have a yeek you get exhausted after a single jump, which makes moving around miserable. Luckily, they spawn every time you leave a pipe. Except when they randomly don't. It is very inconsistent).

I have not managed to get to the echo tower spawn yet though. The combination of unfair creature spawns, and guaranteed pre-cycles (which forces you to move to a new shelter every cycle in the rain, in a region full of open spaces and bottomless pits. It is totally super fun.) has made consistently staying at max karma very difficult.

#yes I am actually trying to beat enot's campaign #I am either very determined or insane. Perhaps both. #I was tempted to just turn off pre-cycles but I decided not to. #This is like the Path Of Pain of rain world. Yeah it probably isn't worth it at all but I'm still gonna try. #Even if just for the sake of knowing I managed to beat it #Though I never actually did beat path of pain. it made me cry a lot. anyway. #I've started working on the Enot Soft Fuzzy Man animation thingy #So far it is just a few basic sketches but I have actually started it! #I don't know if I'll ever finish it but hopefully I will! #I really hope there aren't any super yeek fans here. I've killed like hundreds of them. #for some reason they have a habit of clipping into the floor. #like 40 percent of them have done that

[eldrichthingy]

How do people even get rejected by Astarion because I have no idea- in each playthrough I have now he's the first to ask my Dark Urge out 😭😭 even on good alignment and even having him constantly disapprove (still having good - very good - perfect relationship though depending on save)...

#for some reason everyone at the camp are always thirsting over my dark urge. in each save. in each fucking playthrough #and what pains me is that now I have astarion brainrot and can't romance anyone but just HIM because he's now everything to me #and he fucking wants it too. 😭😭 dying over it because I planned on having different romantic interests but I guess now I just can't #I can't reject him!! I can't reject him. and I will never fucking break up with him even him ascended he's still my everything #and we're in this together. until the fucking end no matter what happens. as I've said him and dark urge will have each other in the end #no matter which path they take. no matter if he's ascended no matter if he's not no matter if dark urge is chosen or free of bhaal #they're in this together. either aeterna amantes or not #bg3 spoilers #I really just don't understand what you need to do to get rejected by him 😭😭 other than disrespect him of course but what a monster you #need to be to do this... #well maybe the worse thing is missing on long rests hm.. #the amount of camp events I accidentally missed in my first playthrough because of that. maybe that?..

[starkeeper-the-storyteller]

i've spent the last four days on the final room of path of pain

i'm finally free

#hollow knight #path of pain #finally i can like. do other stuff #i still haven't *beat* the game on any ending #but I'm free

[coldvampire]

got a new nvme from my uncle to use as my c drive (very nice can’t wait to see how this will alter performance), got that all nice and installed earlier but djfjfkf someone kill me I think I’m probably transferring files in The most inefficient way possible but I need to have all my fucking. File paths in order so shit Works between my storage drives properly & you will never guess what changing the c drive will do to that process

#I’m not freaking out bc my shit is all still There on the old c #I just need to move it over without crunching my paths too badly bc I can’t even remember #how I set some of this shit up literal years ago now hdjdjjf #main issue is currently my user folder isn’t coming over or generating with the same name as before #and the only reason it had the name it did in the FIRST place was bc of a weird windows update that I’m pretty sure generated #a new local profile?? anyway it’s a pain in my ass now but I’ll sort it out soon

[southernvampire]

uterus has been yeeterused

#so i had a hysterectomy about two weeks ago and it's insane how much better i feel not only physically but mentally #i havent felt this in tune with my body since i was a kid #i finally feel like im on the path to how i want my body to be like and i never understood just how much i was affected by #both gender dysphoria and physical disease (endometriosis) until i got almost everything removed in there #im solidly sure im nonbinary now instead of having conflicting feelings about it #i feel much better about expressing my strange femininity and being perceived as feminine #i feel more spiritual too?? idk how to describe it #im just confused a little about why this had such a big impact on me since yeah it did give me dysphoria to a degree but i didnt think it #was THAT bad #i feel more in tune with my child self; like i feel like a grown up version of my 9 year old self and more confident #my mind is much calmer and i just feel so present and one with my body. i finally feel like i could meditate comfortably withouf wanting to #escape my mind or body?? idk idk it's so so weird #anyway im also in much less pain despite not being able to do much of anything and still healing from surgery #and i know that having this done isnt a cure but god i hope i get lucky and that the endo doesnt come back anyway #it's amazing to be able to love my body instead of being mad at it because it causes me pain and does things that i dont want it to #idk if that's a fully healthy mindset or not but that #that's what's been going on in my life so far