#but no matter how many times he relives it he can't bring himself to remember details about the killer

[uwurakax]

ー　死神　♡

halloweenie vibes ig, and im probs not even gonna get one fic out for it ( lmaoo whats new ), so just for spoop, enjoy a smol sakusa drabble, bc i felt like being nice to him :')

(( trigger warning for wanting to unalive, but its not bad, prkmise ))

thinking about grim reaper!sakusa who always watches over you;

you both met centuries ago. where? he can't say. how? he doesn't know. why? he forgot those details long ago. he doesn't even remember his life anymore. what he did, his friends or even his family. but he feels a phantom pain when he thinks about them.. family. he thinks maybe he was close to someone once.. its only natural right? at least before he met you.

he does recall one thing however; you died.

he does relive that, and that pain is real. so vividly he remembers praying, crying out to whatever deity or higher power that may be out there to listen. to not take you away from him. how you never had enough time, and that you were taken too soon.

it was the first time he had cried.

he wouldn't, no, couldn't live without you. the haze and cacophony leading up to his final days as a man, as a human, are not a time sakusa likes to reflect back on. barely existing and the shell of the proud man he once was, he just wanted to be with you.

it was peaceful that day the day he decided to take his own life. it was warm, with the sun shining vibrantly and the gentle breeze to offer a soothing kiss on his skin. it was like you were waiting... happy to be reunited.

he never felt the chill of the ocean below, tripping off of the cliff he was determined to jump from and hitting his head. a show of mercy in the hell he had to endure from being parted from you. painless and quick.

sakusa felt weightless when he awoke. was he still alive?

no, he came to find that he was indeed successful. a voice surrounding him that was everywhere and nowhere at all all but confirmed his passing. it also confirmed it had heard his desperate cries and prayers over you. the voice didn't know why, but it was willing to answer sakusa.

it had the power to bring you back, but it would come at a price.

the higher power would grant you life, but sakusa would be cursed to be undead. a leader of lost souls for the unfortunate.. or perhaps fortunate? to guide them into the afterlife.

it didn't matter what he had to do, as long as you got to live. he all but readily accepted, unknowingly cursing you too.

for life, and existence has a balance. if sakusa was cursed with being eternally dead, then you'd be cursed with eternal life.

but one couldn't live forever of course, humans don't live forever. so the universe found a workaround.

you would live and die, again and again and again. forever reincarnating, just to live and having to die; and all sakusa could do was watch.

as he led more and more souls to find everlasting tranquility, he had to watch yours being forced away from him into a new life that would soon become you.

he was confused the first time it happened, watching your reincarnated first life be born and grow. how you became who you were when you were with him. he was content like this, watching you from beyond. as long as you got to live your life.

you married and had kids in that first life, and he couldn't help but wonder if that could've been you and him. how would life have gone for him if you weren't taken away?

he learned early on what exactly he subjected himself and inadvertently, you to.

no matter how many centuries ago it had been, it still never made it easier, and sakusa had soon come to grow cold and disdainful of the world. of everything, and with noway to undo it, he had to withstand it.

be forced to watch the love of his life live without him, and knowing he was the cause of her never being able to reunite with any of her loved ones.

sometimes you'd die young, too young that sakusa couldn't even beat to glance at your soul. other times you'd live a full and long life. he wished every life you had would be like that, and if he had to pull strings to speed up someones passing for hurting you? he was more than happy to oblige. scum didn't need to live, and he was more than happy to send them to the realm now coined as hell.

he didn't know why he kept up with this self torture, tormenting himself to being so close and yet so far from you. at least he never had to forget your face or your voice; the one constant that never changed.

and so he stood, across the road from the coffee shop you liked to frequent, watching as you lived your life; or at least this one. he could practically smell the pumpkin spice. the seasonal drink that became your favourite autumn beverage two lives ago.

you feel someone staring at you as you thank the barista for your drink, the warm takeaway cup heating up your hands. so you look outside the large pane windows, but nothing seems out of the ordinary.

through your entire life you've felt a presence around you, watching you. you couldn't explain it, but it always felt familiar. familiar and safe. like a guardian angel. as ridiculous as it sounded, you always felt like nothing bad could ever happen, but you couldn't help the sad sigh that spilled from your lips. you really wished you could know who was constantly watching over you.

sakusa didn't mean to come as close as he did, at least not while you were awake. he knew his very being emitted a bitter and crisp air. humans could sense death, even if they couldn't see it. a lost soul wandering the busy streets. sakusa lost his empathy long ago, for it died along with you, but he held is tongue and the urge to roll his eyes at the floating mass. it stopped at the corner of the coffee shop, and he made his way over quickly. practically teleporting, going through cars and people, sending shivers through them as he passed. he didn't care. the sooner he could deal and send the soul into the afterlife, the sooner he could be with you.

he hastily guided them, showing them the welcoming light as it faded away. he never saw it, but even he could feel the blinding affable glow when he led them there.

he was ready to go back across until he heard the recognisable sound of tires screeching. please don't let it be you!

a scene he knew all too well was occurring. it didn't matter how many times he saw it, a heartache felt only hundreds of times. it didn't stop him from trying. even if he tried countless times before, knowing the end result would be the same. sakusa would always try, for you, even knowing it was pointless.

so imagine his shock when he can feel you underneath him, a carnage of vehicles behind him and you looking up at him, actually seeing him whispering

"it's you"

#maybe ill make this into a fic one day lmaoo #omg what the hell #this was way more tragedy then i thought oml lol #also wheres the spook? i thought this was supposed to be spooky #just me doing word vomit blegh #haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #hq!! x reader #sakusa x you #sakusa x reader #sakusa x y/n #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu drabbles #sakusa drabble

[a-writer-on-elm-street]

so ever since i watched house of wax, i've become obsessed with bo sinclair, like i think about him ALL THE TIME. and the more i think about him, the more interesting he gets, and basically i just have so many ideas and theories about him and i don't know what to do with them. so i'm putting them on here. this will probably be very chaotic and unorganised so sorry in advance but i just gotta get these out there.

first off, his clear manipulation of vincent. during the movie, when vincent comes back to the house after killing paige and blake, he's in the kitchen with bo and bo tells him this: "ain't your work more real now? ma would be proud." this obviously indicates that bo is using their mother as a way to get vincent to go along with all the killing and turning people to wax. and i feel like the reason bo is doing this is to tarnish everything his mother worked for and at the same time, turn her perfect little boy into something not so perfect. i feel like this is all fuelled by his hatred for his mother due to the way she treated him as a child.

but i also feel like he holds some guilt and remorse for what he's doing because bo's first proper appearance (not taking into account the scene in the woods) is in the church, at trudy's 'funeral'. now, obviously the whole being in the middle of a funeral thing is clearly part of the act to bring people's guard down. make them feel bad for him, to take suspicion away from him. but if you think about it, what reason does bo need to be in that church, pretending to be at a funeral? it doesn't exactly have any significance in regards to how they take the victims.

the whole operation seems to be run by bo. bo shows up at the campsite, later vandalising wade's car, and then lester conveniently sends them in bo's direction to fix the car, where vincent inevitably turns them to wax, under bo's guidance. maybe setting up the funeral was vincent's idea, but bo pretending to be at that funeral was most likely his idea. why? why would he station himself at a funeral for a mother who abused him? i think whilst he probably harbors some resentment towards his mother, i also feel like he definitely still loves her, which is why it's possible he carries guilt for what he's doing, essentially in her name.

but then there's this:

i'm not entirely sure if this is real or not because i literally found it at random the other day. also, i think this did come from a blog on here, but i can't remember who so if anyone knows, please let me know.

anyway, moving on. that last line, carly insinuates that bo killed his mother, that he 'blew her brains out'. now, let's assume that was true, that he killed their mother, the funeral in the church could represent one of two things: bo's guilt in regards to his mother, or it could almost serve as a trophy, bo reliving the kill. this is common in serial killers, they will often take a trophy in order to relive the kill and gain back that rush they got when it happened. maybe that's what the funeral setting is for bo (although personally i think it's more of a guilt thing rather than a trophy).

also, it appears that bo's immediate weapon of choice is a shotgun in the movie. if he shot his mother, this could potentially be a reason for him choosing a shotgun as his main weapon. i don't really have anything else to add to that, it was literally just a random thought i had but yeah.

finally, when carly asks why he's doing this for a woman who hated him, he gets angry and responds by yelling 'don't say that!' he's clearly becoming very defensive, which could show a sense of loyalty to his mother. even after everything, he won't let anyone talk about her that way because at the end of the day, she was still his mother, no matter how she treated him.

it could also be a show of denial, maybe bo doesn't want to accept that trudy hated him, and wants to believe she loved him, despite everything. if he is feeding into this delusion that his mother loved him after all, then the funeral is merely about bo paying tribute to her, he is doing right by his mother by setting up a funeral for her.

i don't have anything else to add. i also don't know what this is to be honest. it might not even make sense. i've just had these thoughts floating around in my brain for a while and i wanted to share them. obviously, these are all just my own opinions and ideas so if anyone disagrees, i'm absolutely open for debates in the comments, but don't hate please. in no way am i a psychologist or whatever so obviously this isn't going to be 100% accurate or professional or anything. i just wanted to share a few of my thoughts i had.

might just delete this later though cos it's a mess lol

#bo sinclair #bo sinclair thoughts #bo sinclair house of wax #house of wax #house of wax 2005 #brian van holt

[spiriteddreams]

the road to jujutsu tech in tokyo is full of memories. each stone that's been embedded into the ground is covered in layers of memories. no matter how many times the leaves and dirt are swept away, the footsteps of students still remain. gojo satoru loves to stand in the middle of the long road that stretches before the entrance to the school. he loves to stand and look up at the sky, leaves swaying in the gentle wind and sun warming his face. with his hands shoved in his pockets, he'll sigh softly and walk the steps that he used to walk everyday with geto and shoko. they bring back memories, sad and happy, ones full of laughter, others with tears. it hurts to remember his schooltime, because he knows that he can never get that time back. those memories are now embedded into the stone steps.

"lost in thought again?" he looks up from his nostalgic walk to see you standing by the shinto shrine that marks the entrance to jujutsu tech. still in uniform and knowing smile on your face, you meet him just outside the entrance, allowing him to take just a bit more time to relive those memories before he throws himself back into the present. your hand finds his, slipping down his wrist and tangling with his fingers and you offer him a knowing squeeze. school days can't be relived, as much as the two of you would love to go back in time and never worry about special grade curses and massacres. but you'll take one second, just a moment in time, to stand in memory, allow for the warmth and comfort of your youth to wash over you.

though having to have been rebuilt over and over due to destruction from students and curses, the school stays the same. but you're not. and neither is gojo. outward appearances are often misleading, and behind closed doors you wipe away the tears that slip from his eyes and hold him close, offering him comfort and the promise that you're not going anywhere. you give him a shoulder to lean on, a pillar of support so he doesn't have to bear his burdens this all alone. and on the steps leading up to jujutsu tech, new memories are made.

reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated! <3 A/N: inspired by the scores "school road" and "itomori high school" from the movie your name :)

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojo x satoru x reader #gojo x reader #gojo satoru #gojo #spiriteddreams writing #spiriteddreams

[blednone]

a couple years have come and gone since dean's time in the arena, some that passed a little slower than others. there were weeks when it felt as though the sun took a little longer to rise over the trees at mornings first light, when it hesitated to be replaced with the stars. but every year is a reminder of what occurred that day and the weeks that followed. abraham can't say that its been simpler since he's been home, even after all this time. some days are harder than others for him still and he can understand why. that much blood could almost never be cleaned entirely from a persons hands, survival or not. that much trauma could never be forgotten. and dean lives with it every day, between nightmares and terrors relived with eyes wide open.

the closer the day gets, the worse it seemed to be. especially those first few years. a part of him was stuck in that brutal cycle no matter how long it had been, how many times abe reminded him that he was home again, or how close he held him as he shook with terror, his breath short and ragged. in recent years, its gotten a little better. they established a routine to help with it, attempting a new way to cope that wasn't drowning himself in a bottle. he doesn't remember where he'd gotten the seeds from, only that it felt right to bring them home and start something new. something they could nurture, pick the fruits of their love and labor. it took only one summer to sprout the first tree, another before it had begun to produce fruit. and now they have over a dozen of them, each of them strong and healthy, giving them fresh apples most of the year. it wasn't a cure, but it was something. hope for something better. and most importantly, it was theirs.

sometimes he catches himself watching the light bend through the leaves with a soft breeze, how it casts different shadows inside their home. as he does now with a cup of tea in hand, but instead of shadows he's watching the light play with deans eyes. soft greens seem to shine in that light. he will never know how he wound up so lucky.

he goes over to @bledgrace, sweeping a hand through his hair before leaning down to kiss his forehead, his cheek, then his lips. " i think we have a few more days of harvest in those trees. after breakfast, care to join me in the orchard? "

#bledgrace #* 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦 . the hunger games. #* 𝘪𝘯 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘳 . multi para. #starter. #* 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦 . catching fire. #these darling boys. so blissfully unaware of whats coming for them.

[cold-open]

so much of fujita’s spoken dialogue is him reacting to other people, usually upset or otherwise emotional in some way, but the impression given by the times we get to hear his inner dialogue is so different...

when en dies, he’s the one who narrates the aftermath. it’s one of the first times we really get to be alone with him, as he walks around the mansion, quietly, with his own thoughts. even as he’s detailing the trauma he’s struggling with, there’s none of the frantic emoting he tends to display in response to others. he’s melancholy and uncertain, but calm and insightful. he gives us the facts of the situation, and also notes how others are feeling, in addition to his own pain. 

he watches as some sit around, consumed by their grief, and others leave in droves, abandoning the family now without its head, and he ends his narration on a question to himself: what is he going to do now? 

we don’t hear his answer, but we do see it. he doesn’t make either of the choices the others are making. en may be gone, but the family doesn’t have to die with him. he stays, not out of grief, but out of loyalty, dedication, and his love for the family. he’s more than just some low-level en fanboy. he’s a real member of the en family.

#he's just- he just gives me so many feelings you guys- #fujita #dorohedoro #dorohedoro spoilers #usually don't mark drhdr spoilers on this blog but since en's death was a major point in this i felt like it would be inconsiderate not to #i meant to just say a quick thing and it got away from me oops #lost the plot on my own post a little #EMOTIONS #this part hit me kinda hard #bc you see fujita honestly struggling with trauma #he keeps flashing back to finding en's body #but no matter how many times he relives it he can't bring himself to remember details about the killer #i- yeah. yeah #jeez buddy. i'm sorry #and then after this whole sad part his trauma is immediately played as a joke #where he sees en's doll and passes out and everyone laughs at him #being fujita is suffering #writing essays in the tags again

[mariustears]

When their partner dies in an NXX incident

Note: I have unfortunately chosen violence today and you're all gonna suffer with me.

It all happened so quickly, you were both on your way back from a NXX case related crime scene that happened in an alleyway on the outskirts of the city. You both gathered enough info to rule out a few possibilities and were now talking about what may have happened. Until suddenly you heard footsteps coming closer, they were quick, too quick for him to push you away before it was too late. Gunshots. There was no time to see who it was, all he could focus on was your body falling to the ground, lifeless.

Marius von Hagen

No, no this couldn't have happened. You were just standing next to him, happily talking about how you two may have learned enough to figure the case out. But now all he saw while looking at you were your lifeless eyes staring back at him.

Marius doesn't want to let your body go, even when police arrives. What if this was all just a joke? What if you were fine? This couldn't be real, right? If he let your body go now then he knew that the reality of the situation would set in. He couldn't let you go.

He's going to spend days just looking at pictures of you two being happy. Hours spent just wishing for him to be able to relive those memories, to see you smile at him just one more time.

He's going to spent hours trying to paint something for you. A rose, he remembered that you liked roses. Or the lanterns at the festival, you even asked him to paint them for you. He drew your favourite thing! Now please come back to him.... don't leave him, please don't leave him.

Every time he sees something in a store that he knows you liked he will buy it to bring it at your grave. It's full of small items, paintings and flowers. He visits it every day, wishing that perhaps some day you'll greet him when he comes back home.

Hey... I drew this small painting for you. I know it won't be able to fully capture the beauty of the lanterns but I hope you like it nonetheless. I also got you this hairclip, it have looked so pretty on you... please come back, I promise I'll be a good boy, just please let me see you smile again

Vyn Richter

Vyn considered himself to be able to handle quite a few things, it's important in his field after all. But nothing could have prepared him for the way you gasped for air while you were slowly dying in his arms, it wasn't a quick death, but too quick for there to be any chance of you surviving before an ambulance could arrive.

He spends months unable to do his job, no matter how hard he tries to visit a patient, he can't eat or sleep properly anymore. How can he help others when he can't even help himself?

He tries everything he can to stay positive, you wouldn't have wanted him to feel so horrible, after all. But he starts blaming himself, what if he was quicker to react? What if he did a better job at stopping the blood flow?

After a while he resumes his job and he visits your grave as often as he can. He spends hours, no matter if it's sunny or raining, telling you about some things you need to know as a psychiatrist, he remembers you being interested in his courses and while you may not be able to see them with your own eyes again, he tries his best to teach you even now, hoping that you're somehow listening.

I remember you being fascinated with this specific subject so I thought I could prepare a few notes for you, we wanted to go over it together a few days after... but I could tell you a few things about it now, if you'd like. I believe that I even have a book about it that I could bring you next time.

Artem Wing

No... not again... this can't be happening again...

He tries so hard to bring you back while the ambulance sound comes closer and closer but it's too late, you were gone by the time they arrived.

He won't be able to attend any NXX meetings for weeks and he even considers quitting for a while. But then he realises that he has to find the person who did this to you. He knows that it won't bring you back but it's the least he can do now.

Artem spends all of his nights on the case. He drowns himself in as much work as he can to, at least temporarily, forget the images of your lifeless body laying on the ground next to him that have been haunting his mind for months.

After work he comes to your grave every day, telling you about movies he knows you would have liked and bringing you your favourite flowers.

There was a new movie aired in the cinema a few days ago, it was quite good. I would have liked to watch it with you, I'm sure you would have enjoyed it too. There are so many things that I'll never be able to enjoy with you by my side anymore...

Luke Pearce

It all happened so quickly, he was able to catch you before you hit the ground and asked you if everything was okay, if you're hurt, until he sees the blood. He tries his best to stop the bleeding but it just ended up being more and more until your body got colder and colder. One moment you were standing next to him, laughing about a joke he made, and the next you're in his arms, his tears slowly falling onto your lifeless body.

He blames himself for months. He had promised to protect you for as long as he could. You were supposed to outlive him. And now he was the one crying at your grave for hours over hours. If only he wouldn't have let you join him.

Luke spends a long time in the antique store making small trinkets and other small things he knew you liked for you every weekend. He hopes that you're able to find joy in them even if he won't be able to see your reaction to them.

He had nightmares about it for years, no matter what he tried, the images always haunted him. He didn't protect you. He broke his promise. And now you were gone. The person who he spent his childhood with, the person who he laughed and cried with. The person he loved. Gone. Just like that.

I made this little trinket for you, please take good care of it, okay? It's supposed to protect you wherever you are right now. I wish I could have given it to you earlier... I'm sorry...

#tears of themis #tears of themis headcanons #tears of themis marius #tears of themis artem #tears of themis vyn #tears of themis luke #artem wing #marius von hagen #luke pearce #vyn richter #tears_hcs

[shortpplfedup]

Anatomy of a Scene A Tapdance

In which everything about Pat is explained by simply watching him interact with his Dad for two and a half minutes.

Bad Buddy, Episode 2 Director: Backaof Noppharnach Chaiwimol Writers: Pratchaya Thavornthummarut, Bee Pongset Laksamipong, Best Kittisak Kongka Cast: Ohm Pawat Chittsawangdee (Pat), Nanon Korapat Kirdpan (Pran), Leo Put (Pat's Dad)

Holy shit my dad’s here! What am I going to do? Go hide! Where should I hide? Somewhere! Anywhere!

Coming! Hi, papa. Why are you fidgeting? What took you so long? I was in the bathroom. You were in the bathroom for a long time. Don’t be so obsessive over it. Go play some sports sometimes. I’m not that obsessive. Why is it so dark in here? Am I in a cave? As bright as it can get. It’s roomy. Very good. Have you eaten? It’s a Fish Maw Soup. I stopped by China Town before I came. Are you taking a Materials Engineering Class with Professor Pichai? The professor? Is he your friend? Not exactly. He’s my senior. We met earlier and he told me you’re entering the Freshy Music Contest. Good. That’s great. Just save my reputation, okay? I got the popular vote back in my time. We’re in two different generations. I know but you must keep it that way. The next generation means the better generation. All right. I don’t feel the pressure at all. I’m not putting pressure on you here. But I’m serious. What are you looking for? I’m wondering if you’re hiding something. You’re looking dodgy here. You’re kidding. I know. By the way, is the kid next door entering the contest too? I have no idea. I’m sure he will. Remember when you were a drummer? He followed you around everywhere carrying his guitar. What a jealous kid. They’re all jealous of us. Don’t talk about them like that, papa. My friend visited the other day and his car was just inches over the line. His parents were looking at us so frustratedly. I don’t know why they need to be so serious. They’re not that bad. They should have moved away too when their son was transferred. They’re driving me crazy. I’m so done with them. Please stop papa. Your ma, she wants me back now. I’ll get going. Don’t bring too many girls over. There’s no one. You should go. If you do, use protection. Of course. Go now.

It’s… That’s fine. My dad just… Forget it. Don’t apologize. Your dad was right. I am sorry if I caused you trouble. I’m moving out.

Oy, the red flags all OVER this conversation. This hurt so so SO much to watch, because just like that I UNDERSTOOD Pat and the whole Pat/Pran thing. I knew so many Pats in college, the ones who were the very icons of the cisheteropatriarchy on campus but I'd run into them in the gay clubs on a Saturday night with their tongue down some cute boy's throat and they'd beg me not to tell anyone. Without exception, their dads (or moms, or whoever raised them) were like Pat's dad: reliving some long faded (or in some cases never attained) glory days via their kid, and slagging off anybody who didn't fit their ideas of how people should behave.

Pat's whole persona, the big man on campus swagger, the badass posturing, the dudebro energy...well it might not all be a performance but I'm guessing a decent chunk of it is. Poor kid is probably exhausted keeping up the whole act. As much as Pran is strong and a fighter, there is a softness and a sweetness to him that Pat perhaps wishes he could lean into in himself. But his dad's reaction to Pran is a warning to Pat that he absolutely CAN'T show that part of himself. He's trapped.

For Pran's part, well it must hurt to hear somebody you've never harmed speak of you with such venom, and Pat (weakly) objecting doesn't really matter, because he feels like Pat's own feelings about him can't be all that different from his dad's.

It's just an awful awful heartbreaking scene all around.

#anatomy of a scene series #bad buddy #bad buddy series #on art

[simon-egg]

Benthan Week Day 1 - Hurt/ comfort

Title: Digging In

1873 words fic with art. TW for blood, torture and injury. Physical hurt followed by comfort with a happy ending. Benji is taken and physically tortured in an unusal way.

~○~

Benji lurched forward as something connected with his torso followed by another sudden movement which caused pain to shoot up his side. His eyes snapped open.

“Get up.” Spat a voice from above.

The agent realised he was on a cold, hard floor in a dimly lit space. His chest was bare and he shivered with short gasps. With no recollection of how he got there and a dizzying feeling, he realised he had been drugged. The last thing he remembered was driving home after a long day writing up mission reports which could have been minutes or hours ago. Before his mind was clear enough to fully assess the situation he was in, he was roughly dragged to his feet. Whatever drug they had given Benji had sapped his energy and he sagged, unable to control or defend himself. Benji registered one person holding him firmly upright while another, a man with thick clothes and gloves, began to unwind a roll of barbed wire. Without hesitation, one of Benji's arms was pulled forward and the wire was pulled over his palm and roughly bent around his wrist. The barbs began slicing into his skin and Benji let out a shout of agony to which seemed to spur his captors on. Over and over again, the wire was roughly twisted around his arm at various angles, each coil bringing more barbs puncturing his skin. Grimly, Benji noted that the drug which kept him from fighting back did nothing to stop the pain. As soon as Benji thought the pain was growing too much to bear, the wire was looped through a ring bolted to the ceiling and his other arm was subjected to the same torture. This left him standing upright with his arms trapped above his head. By now whatever drug he was given had worn off enough that he could hold himself up straight. The two men stepped back and in front of Benji, seeming to gleefully eye up the state that they'd put him in.

Benji recognised the men as members of the Apostles who had not yet been tracked down. The one who had used the wire began to speak.

“You're going to die here.” He stated matter-of-factly. “Whether it takes hours or days, it doesn't matter. Just know that all you'll know until you die is pain-“

Benji tried to kick at the men which only caused himself more pain. “Why would you do this?” he choked out.

“You and your friend, Ethan, shouldn’t have tried to stop us. We may not have been able to cause mass suffering but If Ethan finds you strung up here, dead, knowing there will have been nothing he could have done to save his precious friend. That. That is enough for us now.”

Before Benji could think of a reply, the men turned and left.

He could smell his own blood which coated his arms and dripped down past his elbows, some splashed onto his chest and further to the floor with a barely audible wet sound. As time passed, his vision adjusted and he understood from the corrugated iron walls that he was in an old, rusting shipping container but with little light and no windows, he had no idea where he was or how long he had been there. All the while, the barbs caused searing pain and his muscles began to ache as he was forced to hold himself in position.

Light coming through cracks in the door and walls had brightened gradually, indicating to Benji that the sun was rising outside of the box. Some of his blood had dried to a brownish crust while fresh blood occasionally oozed. Hours continued to pass and the only thing keeping Benji from giving up completely was the hope that Ethan might find him. He had to try and stay alive because his captors were right; the thought of Ethan finding him strung up and dead was almost worse than the physical pain he was in. It was peculiar to Benji how those around him, even those he fought against seemed to immediately pick up on the bond between him and Ethan but then again, maybe it wasn’t so odd after all. They had so much faith in one another, kindness, loyalty and shared experiences that Benji found himself growing ever closer to the other agent. In fact, the feelings he had for Ethan had begun to develop past friendship after Kashmir and into something else. Benji made a promise to himself that if by some impossible miracle he was to get out alive, he would tell Ethan how he felt. With his eyes screwed shut against the pain, Benji found comfort in picturing Ethan talking to him, reassuring him, laughing at his jokes and smiling with that kind old smile that he might never see again.

The cruellest part of this torture, Benji came to realise was that despite the exhaustion, blood loss and agony which coaxed him to pass out, he simply could not allow himself to move or relax. He knew that doing so would make the barbs to twist deeper into his flesh. For now, he noted that no barbs were deep enough to hit any major blood vessels or the blood loss would have killed him by now. Despite this, he was still loosing blood and Benji began doubting that he could stay awake and tears began to sting, threatening to spill. Maybe he should give in, even if he died there, at least the dead don’t feel pain.

Benji was jerked from his thoughts by the sound of metal scraping against metal as the door was forced open and light flooded into the container.

“Benji…” Ethan’s voice echoed.

Ethan rushed closer but Benji didn't move, too physically and mentally drained to respond. He simply stared down with dull and unfocused eyes. Ethan’s gaze flicked over Benji's form, horrified at the situation Benji was in. A gentle hand was on Benji's face, and Ethan's thumb caressed his cheek.

Softly, Ethan whispered "Look at me" and after a few seconds, Benji's eyes flicked up to meet Ethan's.

“i'm so, so sorry Benji...” Ethan felt a rush of anger. He wanted to cry but he had to hold himself together for Benji. He was lucky to have found Benji alive. The two Apostles who took Benji did not anticipate just how determined and fast Ethan would be with the help of Luther who had tracked Benji's location by hacking security cameras. Luther was waiting nearby in a van.

"I can't remove the wire from your arms, it could cause more damage but I promise you, this will be over soon. I'm taking you home"

Benji was too weak to hold himself up and Ethan knew that if he simply cut Benji free, he could collapse and cause more injury. Ethan also understood that removing the barbs there and then would only cause more pain and bleeding too.

He used his left hand to steady one of Benji's arms in place above his head, careful to avoid pressure on the wire, then used a pair of cutters with his right to cut through the wire that held Benji's arm up. Ethan then slowly lowered that arm to Benji's side. He did the same to the other arm then awkwardly shuffled closer to Benji's side and manoeuvred an upper arm to rest across his neck, attempting to steady him. After failing to shuffle forwards holding Benji up like this, it became evident that Benji did not possess the strength to walk at all and Ethan didn’t want to put any pressure on his arms.

“I- I can’t, Ethan, I just-“ Benji coughed out.

“It’s okay, I’ll carry you” and Ethan resorted to gathering Benji up and carrying him out. Benji noticed the bodies of the two apostles outside and the last coherent thought he had before he passed out was thinking of how warm Ethan's arms were.

~

Benji woke up again to find himself in the back of a van. Pain continued to flare up his arms and he groaned, his chest throbbed and his head pounded. A reassuring hand stroked through his hair and realised his head was in Ethan’s lap.

“i've got you, you're going to be okay" murmured his friend. One of Ethan’s jackets had been draped over Benji's upper body to try and keep him warm for the journey and a quick glance up he could tell Luther was driving. “We’re not far from a hospital now, you’re going to be just fine.”

Luther had called ahead to notify the hospital and upon arrival they were met by a team of paramedics. Benji was taken inside and immediately given some strong pain killers along with fluids. The rest of the day passed in a haze, scans were taken of the tech’s arms to determine how close any barbs were to blood vessels, tendons and nerves. Then, Benji was sedated and the painstaking process of removing the wire began.

~

The next time Benji awoke he was relived to find that the wire had been removed from his arms and hands which were mostly covered in bandages. The painkillers had worked their magic and he mostly just felt subdued and so, so exhausted.

“I’d hold your hand if I could” Ethan murmured, catching Benji’s attention. The older agent sat in a chair next to the bed and Benji could have sworn he looked like he had been crying. The comment and Ethan’s expression caught Benji off guard and he briefly wondered if he had imagined it.

“I’m sorry.” Ethan paused, contemplating what to say. “I’ve just… come to realise how much you mean to me, I care about you so much, more than you know and it shouldn’t have taken me so long to realise and tell you that. I understand if you don’t feel the same-“

Before Ethan could continue, Benji quietly interjected “Thinking of you while I was in that place kept me going, kept me from giving up, so yes, yes I feel the same.”

“Are you sure?”

Benji perked up slightly “of course, I’m bloody sure!" He chuckled "I love you Ethan Hunt and can not be more relived that you feel the same!”

Ethan beamed and moved closer to the bed, then pressed his lips to Benji’s gently, a sweet kiss that Benji smiled into and a promise of many more in their future.

When Ethan pulled back he spoke again, “I was thinking, if you’d let me, once you are discharged from here, can I come back with you? To your place? You won’t be able to do much without full use of both arms for a while and I want to help you. I want to be there for you and if I’m with you I’ll be able to make sure you’re safe. Not that you’re not capable of looking after yourself I just-, while you recover which I know will take some time, both physically and mentally”

Benji grinned, feeling a wave of affection for Ethan “of course, I’d love to have your company… and maybe you could stick around with me after I’m mostly healed?”

“That sounds like a plan.”

#benthan #benji dunn #ethan hunt #my fic #my art #I will post this to AO3 later but I am at work right now so can't. i'm not finishing until past 10 pm and want this posted today. #I know it's far from perfect. i've published one other fic in my life and know i'm not a great writer it's okay to not like it I understand #and I don't plan on being a writer or anything #but I did put effort into this and hope people enjoy it!! I just lack writing experiance y'know. #benthanweek2021

[okeymakeydude]

Request by @just-here-for-humor

This is no a top perfectly done, i have some doubts but here we go!

[The most] Scout-> Sniper-> Heavy-> Demo-> Engie->Spy-> Medic-> Soldier-> Pyro [The least]

Scout.

He calls his mother every time he can, even if it's few minutes, he will do it. He talks about how his day was, what he did and never forgets a "love you" before hangs up, but he wishes he was face-to-face.

When he gets nostalgic, he prefers to be alone, he doesn't want to be seen by his team like 'the weak'. He'd watch how the sun falls to let pass the night, he used to do that when he was a child, his mood will be 'Looking at nothing and thinking of everything'.

Have you ever looked at the watch in middle of the class, to know how many minutes left? He'd do that too, even knowing that there are still days to go home.

Sniper.

Like Scout, he tries to make contact with his parents when he has free time, prefers to speak with his mother than his father, but he would like more with both. He can't wait to see them every time he hears their voices.

He has a hat given by his father, has been using it for years and even it's pretty old and worn out, he doesn't want to throw it away. It was a present and he is going to keep it forever, the hat and the photos.

When his parents died? He just looks at the sky, at the two birds that are watching him, the couple of butterfly dancing around and think, they're there. He wouldn't help but smile; "I keep giving 'em hell, dad. Tell mom, i love her."

Heavy.

He has been taking care of his family for a long time since his dad died, and he being so far, it made him worried at first. He phoned a few times to know how his mother and sisters are. At the end, he knows he can't be their guardian forever.

Sometimes he'd like to go back in time and relive the few moments he had with his father, and when he played hide-and-seek with his sisters. He doesn't like to be interrupted when he's like this.

When the family moved with him to USA? Everyone can see a smile on his face because he can visit them anytime, still misses a lot of things but the important one is that the people he loves are finally free to do what they want.

Demo.

When he is making new bombs, he uses it to go back to the past, the life he had in his motherland, the good moments, mainly the ones he shared with his father. It wasn't much but he misses him.

He's lucky that his mother lives near where he works, so he goes to pay her a visit everyday. He usually brings her everything she needs and spends time with her, even with his age, he's always been Mama's boy.

He doesn't mind to share his memories with other people, it's something he thinks it helps to remember new ones and show experiences he had.

Engie.

24/7 in his workshop, it's a long time not only to... Well, work but also think in certain things, like his past. He won't hide it, really misses his old life in Texas. Sometimes he regrets some actions.

He has few photos of his childhood that hides in a small box, when he opens it, it's 'cause he's getting really nostalgic. One of them is he as a kid being with his father. If he could have the opportunity to go back to time? He may take it.

He plays the guitar/banjo and sings quietly, he doesn't want to be heard, especially when he's like that. He closes his eyes and imagines that he's in his old house, he would swear to hear some barks of a dog that he once had and loved.

Spy.

Although his job prevented him from taking care of those he once cared about, he believed that just forgetting about it, would make it easier to deal with. Even for him, it's not that easy. More when he is AWARE that he has created a family.

Like Scout, he prefers to stay away from the team in his private room, being lost in his mind becomes a hobby he can't escape, he misses the thousands of ways he'd be living if he hadn't been a spy, a life with the woman he loves and the kid he couldn't raise with her.

And like Demo, he misses his homeland. Wait every chance he has to visit it, even if he has to leave in 2 days, his memories are there but now, his future is in USA, something important to him and he will protect, no matter what.

Medic.

Oh Medic, what's the past for him? Nothing. Yes, he sometimes remember a few memories of his life in Germany, when he was a kid, his parents... Etc. However, the present is what he cares about and being direct, himself.

Like Engie, staying in his laboratory or medbay, even all the day, he has a lot of time to think, stops for a moment and recalls about the things he did to end up here. He can't help but smile.

He also doesn't mind at all tell others about his experiences in previous situations, do you need to know how to hide a body? Let Medic introduce himself. "Oh, the good old days!".

Soldier.

I think he can't remember his past or doesn't want to, mainly the fist one, he has blockouts and doesn't know anymore what memory is true or false. Sometimes he gets upset about it.

We know Soldier very well for being so proud of the country, being very repetitive, and that's the only thing he's sure of. He needs to remind himself of this, in the fear that one day he will forget it completely.

The team gets suspicious when they see a soldier calmer and quieter than usual. It's okay, he's trying to recollect something, what can he miss? When he doesn't even know what he did the last day.

Pyro.

Let's say, they just live the present. They have never talk about the life they had or even they had one. If they miss something, that wouldn't take long and keep going.

They would be the one who will be there for the others, they would hug Scout and wipe away his tears, sit on the floor and see how Engie plays the guitar, stay next to Demo and hear all his adventures as kid and even be silent for hours with Soldier.

Sad or not, they just don't care. They are in a job with another 8 people, ones that they get along with and others not and that's it. Although it's inevitable to wonder what goes through their mind when you find em looking at the fire, without moving.

Masterlist.

Want to send request? Read the rules first!

The next one will be:

#team fortress 2 #tf2 scout #tf2 spy #tf2 engineer #tf2 sniper #tf2 demoman #tf2 medic #tf2 heavy #tf2 soldier #tf2 pyro #tf2 headcanons #tf2 request #tf2

[xxconclusione-aperioxx]

Okay so I'd like to share what I commented on this video. I watched it and it sent me into a whole rant about the motives and characterization of Draco. I recommend watching before reading this:

@quinncurio is the original poster

Here's the copy paste of my comment/ Essay. I was slight heated when I wrote this, but my points still stand.

"OH BOY. HI, HELLO I VERY MUCH DISAGREE. ALSO: DISCLAIMER: DONT TAKE THINGS PERSONALLY, YOU WILL FIND I HAVE A VERY LOGICAL EXPLANATION, FOR WHY THIS ANALYSIS DOESN'T WORK.

Calling a Draco a cowardly bigoted bully, and a carbon copy of Dudley is the most SHALLOW and LOW EFFORT CONCLUSION YOU COULD POSSIBLY DRAW. IT IS LOW HANGING FRUIT. I'm going to have to break this into sections to truly explain why your conclusion is soooo incredibly shallow. You may have done your research, but I feel like you learned nothing more about Draco then if you'd never seen more then 5 min. So I'm going to start the same way you have and break this down into the same points.

PART 1 : AN ANALYSIS OF HARRY MEETING DRACO

I'm not going to go into detail of Harry's impression or ideas of Draco, because this analysis is about Draco, Not Harry. Also remember the books were written from Harry's POV, not a neutral party. I'm not obliged to Harry's opinions, just facts. Which brings up the first true conclusion about Draco's character. *Draco Malfoy feels a strong need to impress others, to gain their affection.* He does this through incisive bragging, trying to make people believe he knows best, and tearing down the reputation of others, so the object of his desires sees Draco and the most obvious choice. Where we differ is:

You believe Draco does this, because he thinks, he's better then others.

I believe,(which circumstantially has more evidence), Draco does this because he wants the affection, and acceptance of others

Whether you believe he acts out this way bc of how he is raised, his privilege, or something else, it doesn't change the fact that Draco was truly trying to make a friend, perhaps the only way he knew how.

In noble wizarding society, traditions, and your family does mean a lot. Not even looking at it from a pureblood view, imagine having a family that old and known. They really are a type of nobility, with family Lords even having political seats in the Wizengamote just because of their family name. The Longbottoms and Weaselys hold this same political influence, and it's not tied to Slytherins, pureblood ideals or anything like that. Draco is an only child, and an heir to his family line, so he is going to be treated importantly bc of that. He is raised with that responsibility, and in social situations not only represents himself, but the whole heritage of his family. Draco hasn't had the ability to act like a normal petulant child (part of the reason he tends to act out at Hogwarts.*ie. away from home*). He's been taught to act proper, make good allies, and impress others for the good of his reputation. I'd say most noble wizarding children probably get the same training and lectures, and have their own customs and culture of educate. What may come for Draco as polite, and diplomatic, may sound rude or arrogant to Harry. This is because Draco was not aware how different Harry's upbringing was from his own, and has never dealt with not having enough. Perhaps if Draco knew how different and ignorant Harry was he would have felt pity, or a sense of wrongness at Harry's injustice. Though Draco is just an 11yr old boy, who's only ever had a loving family, and almost anything he wanted. It is difficult for him to relate to the lack of others. As all wizarding children, he probably grew up with the story of the boy who lived and may have even been excited when his father said he wanted them to become friends. He truely was excited to meet Harry and genuinely wanted to be friends. While yes Lucius definitely wanted Draco to befriend Harry to help lighten their family reputation, I also think that Draco, being a child, would more likely be more excited of making a famous friend. Maybe he even had some hope seeing he'd met Harry before when he saw him on the train.

Part 2 : THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN DRACO AND DUDLEY

Draco's sense of superiority comes from his traditions and pride in his family, while Dudley's is strictly from his own greed and selfishness. Draco would't do half of the things Dudley does simply because it's incredibly unclothe, and he has better ways of getting what he wants. Dudley isn't smart enough to compare to Draco. Though Draco and Dudley might both have things handed to them, Draco is not gluttonous or greedy about it. Dudley will trash his gifts and belongings, constantly wanting more, and viewing things given to him as disposable. Draco wants things yes (like every child does) but he's proud of his possessions and cherishes them, brags about them. Dudley is an animal compared to Draco. He doesn't have the same skill, smarts or self control. Dudley is abusive, and a tyrant in his bullying. Dudley wants to see Harry hurt and bleed. He is very violent compared to Draco. While we constantly and repeatedly see Draco shy away from violence, and use more his words.

Part 3 : DRACO'S "HARASSMENT", STRATEGIES AND EVOLUTION.

Draco despite his threats and facade is Not a violent person. This is because despite all Draco's bravo, and cruel words, Draco is kind. Yes he is conflicted, but that is only more proof of his inner kindness. If he didn't feel guilty, he wouldn't feel conflicted. Which means he really doesn't want to be mean to others, but he's just acting out based on how he thinks he's supposed to feel/act, but doesn't really enjoy it. I think when you strip Draco back behind his actions, and pose, you'll find a very different person. The half-blood prince gave us some of that, but it's another thing to see it in Draco from the beginning. Essentially Draco's attempt at bullying started when Harry rejected his friendship. Draco had probably never been rejected before, and probably couldn't possibly fathom why Harry would choose anyone else over him. While yes that's a bit coincided, Draco was also incredibly sheltered and probably wasn't introduced to children who weren't already tied to his family. Harry's rejection irrevocably shattered Draco's confidence and perception, which sent him into literal years of lashing out at Harry for his hurt emotions, and pining for his attention. It is the most pathetic excuse for bullying, and Draco antagonizing Harry is the equivalent of pulling a girl's pigtails. Draco did get quite shrewd with words, but he was really just trying to get the biggest reaction, especially since Harry is so volatile at times. The truth of the matter is Draco is actually very jealous, because deep down he really admires Harry. He want's the same freedom Harry has. He doesn't want to worry about his duty or who he has to be, but to be able to live authentically the way he views that Harry does. Draco really just wants to be more like Harry, but feels he is stuck, by the Dark Lord, his family obligations or anything else. Draco isn't a bully, he's just sad. Not even Ron or Hermione take him seriously after a while. *cough*this is why Drarry is so huge*

Part 4 : He had no choice?????

Everyone has a choice, but I think you over estimate how easy a choice can be. Family is important to Draco, they are probably the only people who love him for who he is, not what they can get out of him. As a child Draco felt pride in his family, and family made him feel special and important. As he got older that pride turn into expectations, and responsibility. Lucius and Narcissa value the preservation of their family above all else. They are protective and loving and those feeling extended to Draco. It's where he gets his kindness. It is indeed a Slytherin trait to value those you care about above everyone else. We protect our own, a loyalty probably stronger then Hufflepuff for those select few a Slytherin deeply cares about. Draco's parent would let the whole world burn to save him, and Draco would do the same for them. While Draco's family did hold pureblood ideals, after the first war Voldemort was not someone they willing wanted to follow. The light sided also would have never offered aid to death eaters, because fundamentally they were still against the dark, and there was no other place for dark wizards to go except Voldemort. Most of the death eaters had actually been somewhat relived at the news of Voldemort's death, and the boy who lived, as Voldemort had already become insane to the point of torturing his own followers, and wasn't getting them anywhere near their goals. Except for the also insane brainwashed few like Bella who'd follow her lord to the grave, many of the death eater's were content to be peaceful and stay quite after the war. Probably even grateful for it, as there were many needless casualties on both sides. I feel like the Malfoys were one of those families that were happy to get out. If the side they are on is harmful or losing, they are ready to abandon ship. This may sound like they are cowardly with no resolve, but if it was the life and death of your family, and your loved ones, I think you might think differently. I feel like we aren't too far off in agreement here, but where we differ is in judgement and motives we feel the Malfoys, or Draco had. Lucius made a mistake in the first war, and spent the second trying to keep his family out of danger. I can't imagine the fear he had in Azkaban for his family, the dementors feeding off him and what he thought the Dark Lord would do to his only son, his wife, his family. Meanwhile Draco was left with the threat of his father rotting in Azkaban, and his mother being killed. His mother also with the thought of her son being killed. So yes Draco could have made a choice, and he did make a choice, a choice to protect his family, and honestly I can't see that as wrong. Maybe if Harry would have actually taken his offer of friendship things could have gone differently and it wouldn't have come to that.

Part 5 : Abuse Theory

I definitely agree with you here. The Malfoys were not abusive, and get a better anthology for racism then something which in fact could be solved with a study on culture rather then blood. If you want a good parallel for racism in HP forget muggleborns, and look at creature blood, not dumb house elfs either, but werewolves, goblins, centaurs beings just as intelligent as wizards. The bigotry towards werewolves especially is horrific, especially from the "light side" who avidly labels them as dangerous dark creatures. *Also note about the scene in Borgen and Berks* Lucius stopped Draco from touching the artifact because it was probably cursed, as many dark artifacts are. Even if you know what you're doing they can be dangerous to handle carelessly. So Lucius was actually very wise and protecting Draco, his 12 yr old son, from getting badly hurt. Why the cane? If touching a cursed object curses you, then its better not to get close with your actual hands. Using his cane to push Draco away was actually a precaution. Lucius is anything but careless,

Part 6: Draco's Wand and Symbolism

I generally agree here too, but I believe this symbolism is more reflective of the things Draco wishes he could have had, or done differently. If anything the wand and symbolism Draco has is representative of the good in him, and not cowardice, or inability to do enough.

Part 7: Redemption

Tbh I'm part of the crowd that would have liked that deleted scene to stay in the final cut. However I understand what's justifiable for one person, may not be enough for someone else. This is where you get more into the topic of morality, and how much are you morally responsible for as a person. Harry has been drilled with the mindset for years that he has to save everyone, and that if your not in it for the greater good, ready to lay down your life you better forget being in it at all. Personally I don't believe Harry has any right to claim that rhetoric, as Dumbledore(and by association Grindlewald) practically spoon fed it down his throat; but I wont talk about that as it's a whole other issue. Draco, you have to understand has a whole type of different morality. Objectively I believe he's a good person, if not pressured by the echo chamber of ideals around him. Yet Draco repeatedly gives signs, and expresses the desire to want to do good. In order to properly analyze Draco you have to look past his outward facade, and actions, or you'll never see him as anything more then he pretends to be. If you can only read plain text, if you can't see past the obvious, you will always have a very flat one dimensional view of a character or a person. To me there's no redemption needed. Draco is already good, more good then his parents, and perhaps more good then some who claim goodness.

In summary Draco is a very complex person, who tries to over compensate for his flaws, struggles to express honesty, but deeply cares for others, especially his family. His duality lies in how he wants to be good to others, yet how in the end he always chooses to save the ones he loves, over the majority. Draco will always have his flaws, but he will always have his goodness too, and I hope you won't disregard that.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

P.S

Kudos to anyone who read through all that.

#harry potter #draco lucius malfoy #draco malfoy #character analysis #drarry #draco character development #malfoy family #lucius malfoy #potter x malfoy #Narcissa Malfoy #bellatrix lestrange #death eaters #1st Wizarding war #death eater analysis #harry potter analysis #hp analysis #good darkside #wizarding society #Slytherin politics #Slytherin #slytherin pride #Pureblood #Pureblood family #hp politics #draco/harry #draco and harry #house pride #slytherin house #light side #voldemort