#but just because you cant see something doesnt mean its not there

[breadsticksposts]

yandere scaramouche!

rapunzel references reader!! {when will my life begin}

-you woke up at 7 am the bed beside you empty, well scaramouche usually left you alone in the morning. so this is normal

-you go to the bedroom and clean yourself. after that you go to the dinning room to eat your breakfast that the maids prepare for you, many people says yyou are living your best life, but how can it be the best if you are lock in a big villa?? well yes itts pretty and anything you could ever imagine. BUT you also want your freedom!! what is fun about being lonely?? you have no one to talk too and barely anything to do! well, that is until you kinda do chores around!

-firsr scaramouche doesnt understand you, why would you want to do chores when you can just sit ot read a book?? i mean you do get too watchh TV but you can watch it if you have his permission, and how can you ask him when he is mostly not with you every time??

-so scaramouche let you do what ever you wat, yyou kinda just clean the room that you like! like the painting room,library, kitchen, sewing place,music room.

-after you eat your breakfast, you take a broom and went to the music room, because that is the pllace that really need a tidy up! you brush and bruch the floor, mop it and put the instrument in their own place!

-next you do your laundry, well you inda just seperatted the clothes and gie it to the maids to do the rest, but that must count for something right??

-after all of that you look at the time and its omly been 7:30, you do it all in 30 minute!? you decide to sweep the rooms that you like, you went to the library and clean it, but mostly you dont see anything to clean, mayybe just the floor but the books is in their place. you are kinda great full too

-the library is not that big so you usually dont gett tired up from just sweeping the floor, well..maybe just a little bit!

-you then try to pick a book to read and waste your time on, but you cant get any book that you like! most of the book that you like, its finished! gods why dont scaramouche put the kind of books that you like?? maybe you can aste your time reading new books! at the end of the day you read the same books over again.

-its 10:30 now, well that sure waste much time! i guess?? well you get bored of reading, you know all the plots already so its came to be a bit boring, but there some parts you like or still miss! after all of that you were thinking that its a great time to start paiting! you love love LOVE painting! i mean you could draw anything that you like, that is practiclly freedom fr you!

- you went to the painting room or you can say art room, that room is only ffills with your paintings in the walls and canvas! all match your aesthetics. you take your brus and start painting on the wall, you sit on a ladder and paints some details that. you miss on the previous drawings, or just add some more drawings!

-you waste your time mostly in the art room, coloring every inch. you were thinking to ask scaramouche to buy you more canvas for you to paint, well you just need the right moment, really.

-you lose to track of time until someone knock at the door. “my lady, please come ouut, its already lunch time. the lord will not be very pleased if he knows you forget or didnt eat.”

-you sigh and clean up the mess you create and came out of the room. you went to the dining room again and you have been prepared some foods, mosty its cold but you dont really care.

-you always wonder why scaramouche have a long didng table,its mostly just you and him so why there is many sits, who is. that for?? but you always think tht maybe sometimes there will be some important people joining dinner. who knows??

-after you eat the foods that you were given, you went to your room, where many things are in the tto keep you distracted! like sewings/knits,and puzzles

you do your puzzles, which is the one you been wanting and been begging for scaramouche to buy it for you. you put it up and it only took 15 minutes. boringgg!

you try to knits but you cant get how to do it! like how can people do this thing?? its so hard!!

-ell finally after many tries you kind of give up and went to the kitchen to bake!

-you try to bake some cookies but you kinda dont get the hang ofbaking yet so you mess up many times and ending up the cheff bake it for you. its so delicious, its warm and h=when you put it with cold milk its just make the. perfect combos!

-then you feels like you need a GOOD stretch from all of those activity. you went to your room and stretch, you try to hold your own feet but you cant and you just end up being tired.

-but if you were thinking, why dot i just escape from here?? you tried. really! but every inch of this villa is filled with maids and body guards, and you always feels like the is eyes on you every inch of your body. the last time you tired to escape, you kinda end up being punished by scaramouche and we do not want to think about it again!most of the time you do just end up being cought or fail and you will face his wrath later..

-you end up laying in the couch, resting. its so boring in here, how come they say i should be greatfull living like this??

-you take your book and reread it again, you miss when your life is just about friends, family, and freedom. until this happen, now you can only read a book about fantasies. there is not many amount of book about fantasies in the library, most about education, funfacts or straight up history. you always falls asleep reading tthose books! you were thinking for your birthday gifts, you could ask for books??? WHAT! no way1!! you could ask for “anything” but you ask for some books!? ugh..

-how about..the outside?? i mean its been so long that you didnt see tthe outside! youu always wondering what is it feels like again?? windy? refreshing? hot? you can only imagine it.., the closes thing you got is the garden! you can only see the skies..,every corner have a tall smooth walls that was imossible to climb on.

-okey thats enough!! just focus on the book you are reading and dont think about thos impossible things. scaramouche? letting you out?? you must be dreaming!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

‘

“this woman..keep reading tthe same book over and over again?? ugh..there is so many book i bought for her and she keep reading those books?? what is she thinking!? i. didnt waste all that money for nothing!” scaramouche groan while looking at the cameras he set up in every corner of the rooms.

“my lord, if i read the titles of the book, i would think its an fanfiction book, or full of imaginative things.., i do recommend buying her more like those books, rather than historical books” the head maid says, giving scaramouche some advice.

“gods.. what girl want so much!-“ scaramouche complains

“my lord, this girl have been goods for a few days..i think you could give her something for her being obidient? from the reports of the workers, she been helping around the villa, and didnt do any escape attemts” the head maid told scaramouche about the past few days ago.

“i see, i will take a look. now leave.”. scaramouche order the head maidas the. take a look of you laying on the couch reading those books again.

im so sorry if there any typos! and i hope you enjoy it!

#scaramouche x reader #reader x genshin character #genshin scaramouche #yandere #genshin yandere #genshin headcanons #headcanon #scenerios #scaramouche

[moeblob]

Sorry I forgot Hanneman suggested Byleth undress after they show up with a different hair color. And I miss Hanneman. And also while swapping between Houses and Hopes and seeing Hanneman pop up to help in a Hopes paralogue is just devastating since he doesn't ever actually join you at all and I am denied my old man rights.

So I had to draw this. Thank you for understanding.

#fe three houses #byleth #hanneman von essar #i like that Byleth just kinda stares at him and he realizes WHAT HE SAID and the implications and is like #step back uh forget that I said that #like man so zoned in on research he blurts that out and has to backtrack mentally to AH socially bad to say that my bad #if i need to tag this as anything lemme know even though it is a conversation in game basically (minus the marriage) #also if you have never married hanneman i genuinely enjoyed his s support and was VERY surprised and hes just #honestly one of my favorites overall in 3h ?? and im still bummed i cant play as him in thropes like thats just mean #also i think if byleth was like oh well if its awkward to see someone undress randomly #then marriage would solve the awkwardness this is truly the best deduction #which is really funny that i can see it happening with both leths despite my hc of them #with fyleth as bi and myleth as ace i think both would just be like AH cool we can avoid awkwardness by marriage #and hanneman just wants to go lie down in a ditch because he said something like that #and and byleth doesnt even know about religion while working at church school they dont know about school regulations #that wasnt really on their mind to check ok just saying you could tell byleth no to something #and then they just go oh school policies i understand unfortunately #and the person is like no we just meant its frowned upon to do archery practice in the tea garden its not technically illegal just dont??

[lovesickeros]

in the meantime come to horrifying realization there's like zero yan clorinde content so everyone sit down and listen to my ted talk (this is a requirement I have locked the doors and blocked the fire exits)

personally don't think Clorinde leans towards threats to be honest. she'd feel horrible and guilty if she did and I don't think she could handle you hating her or being afraid of her (maybe if you pushed her far enough then maybe she could justify it because she's trying to protect you but you'd really have to push it).

imo? leans more towards following you around with a hint of subtle manipulation behinf the scenes0. even if it's within the confines of the Court of Fontaine and the place is swarming with Gardemeks you can never be too sure. absolutely fumbles the excuse if you catch her though (if)

the epitome of gentleman, too. she "bumps" into you a lot and always offers to help– even if it's just a few small bags she takes them from you to help ease your burden, basically following you around like a lost puppy. it's a lot easier to trust the nice, polite woman who helped you then the stilted, awkward woman desperate for your attention.

her reluctance to threaten you or force you to do anything doesn't extend to people you know, though. she can cook up any manner of crime that'd get them stuck fighting a duel with her or dealing with a trial that'd get them sent straight to the fortress.

of course, the first thing she'd do is make sure you're okay. she still cares about you (and she really doesn't mean to manipulate you, but really, don't you find it odd that everyone around you is so sketchy? you should be more careful about who you trust. you trust her though, dont you?).

clorinde is very much in for the long game, in the end. she'd only kidnap you as a last resort. she'd much prefer slowly getting closer to you and having you come with her of your own free will (even if it's because she's been planting ideas in your head that you really aren't safe all alone like this. all your friends turned out to be criminals, after all, and what if they start to blame you and try to hurt you? it's best that you stay with her for a while)

if you had a lover, though? oh, she's livid. she makes sure to pin an absolutely heinous crime on them– one that would involve you. after all, she could swoop in and play savior after killing that wretched pest. she did save you from their alleged plan, after all.

a bit awkward with physical affection to be honest, but she tries in her own way. she does what she can to make your life easier– protects you, makes sure you have a roof over your head and nice clothes, a bed and warm baths, expensive foods..anything you want, she would get you without even asking.

why would you ever want to leave? don't you know how dangerous it is outside? who would take care of you if not her? she provides you with all you need, and with only the best (please don't leave)

basically your personal guard dog. she won't bite if you just listen to her and stay put.

and she's just absolutely smitten. careful if you actually use her gifts, because she'll think you're reciprocating her affection whether you are or not. you'll be drowning in new clothes, always trying need food..and she'll always be hovering over your shoulder, watching.

#genshin yandere #genshin impact yandere #yandere clorinde #clorinde x reader #clorinde is so german shepard coded yknow.. #she doesnt want to hurt you but she will restrain you if she has to. and its something she is very good at #clorinde is a bit of a sweetheart. a gentleman. but shes also horribly manipulative even if she doesnt mean to be #she just cant handle seeing other people so casually interacting with you #they would probably commit a crime in the future anyway #so its fine if she frames them for something #and she just wants to comfort you after finding out your supposed friend is a horrible person.. #its not her fault you start to rely on her because everyone else betrays your trust #shes just trying to comfort you #i mean shes very self aware that shes a bad person for doing it and she knows shes doing it #shakes her around like a can of soda. fucked up yans who sre conflicted over their actions #but do it anyway because their rationalize it so much that they think their doing you a service by keeping you safe #this is all gonna be horribly ooc when we find out more abt clorinde isnt it. anyway #clorinde and the hunting metaphor they used in 4.2 w reader is so tasty though #mm thsts good food #where r my fellow clorinde enjoyers man #ughhhh its way past my bedtime does this make sense........idk im gojng 2 bed or snth

[puhpandas]

I change how I feel about Gregory and Tony's relationship ten thousand times a day

#like i dont even think theyd get together if tony was how he was in ggy #gregory wouldnt work to fix him or something hed hate him for being mean to ellis #its why all my beckory stuff i always imagine is in a specific scenario both when theyve been through stuff #and also after like years have passed and theyre 14/15 #AND most importantly tony has had the chance to become a better person and make up with ellid #i think there cant be beckory without ellis #all the stuff ive made for them save for like rabbit burrow i feel doesnt match how i see them in my head #i don't even know how i feel about gregory in a romantic relationship still #idc about it when hes 12 and doesnt have 3 star fam yet but ive alqays seen it in a beckory dtance #as it being good that gregory can think about romance now because he got what he needed most already #but atill. #hes just such a family guy #but i really do like the beckory ship #its so interesting #idk ive changed my mind a lot and havent made enough stuff of them to keep up #with how i see them nowadays #i want to fix that #also i think i feel like the beckody stuff ive made feels shallow because #if its in a scenario where a lot of stuff has happened to get them to that point #and none of that stuff is shown and you dont see them chance #they just feel like randomly completely different people #idk im trying to muster up writing that multichapter ive been wanting to write #and sovereign is pretty much abandonded only because it wasnt working out at all #and ive truly taken everything good from that fic and added it to this new concpet #that made both seperate ideas better #so its a good thing #after the week im gonna try and recharge my writing battery #since the great ipad explosion of 2024 and scrambling to finish the week kinds fried my brain #i miss writing💔 #and also wanna explore this new fic concpet im absolutely in love with

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Your Rowlf looks a bit like Barnaby lmao

[I mean Barnaby already looks like Rowlf quite a bit anyways-]

I KNOWWWWW I KNOW I KNOW i redrew him like three times to try and fix it and each just got worse... why do dog puppets look so similar smh

#i mean i wouldnt be surprised if rowlf was a big inspiration for barnaby #laidback comedy dog. yk #they're both wonderful tho i love them #rambles from the bog #wait random mental image incoming #dont know the context lets just say theres like. a puppet convention or something #and wally gets separated from his friends in the crowd #and he sees a vague dog shape and is like Oh Thank God Its Barnaby so he goes over and grabs 'barnabys' paw #but its. its rowlf #and they both just kinda stare at each other like 'huh. what the fuck' #wally's struggling to process because... big dog? but not barnaby? brown barnaby? huh???? what??? huh??? #so he doesnt know what to do but rowlfs committed now. he cant let go. so they just keep standing there in confused silence #rowlf tries to crack a joke and wally doesnt get it. the silence is awkward now. you see it #idk i thought it was a cute lil Imagining

[konfizry]

Anyway speaking of the sun did I ever tell you about the tales of arise eclipses

#im thinking about it again xyhdfgdchdchjh #do you think they like. considered it #i MEAN ofc they did #they cided that sun disappearing behind rena but dO YOU THINK #that they initially planned to have that actually impact like. the WORLD #in a significant manner? #with the actual luminosity level being affected and all #because like for cyslodia iirc this means no sunlight in the morning #(or cyslodia that we get to explore cyslodia's pretty big after all) #but like i can see how this is a problem like #you liberate cyslodia that is the One Realm where its always nighttime except when you end the renans' grasp on the region there #it still doesnt get a full day of sunlight because of astronomical reasons that we cant do anything about yet #also probably the region of the Central Ocean is in perpetual darkness as well but for those same astronomical reasons #like it GERS CONFUSING it would confuse everything idk #but heres the solution: you ditch that cyslodia in endless nighttime idea bc it was stupid in the first place #like. in calaglia they harvest fire astral energy so its a fiery place. theres fire everywhere. in menancia theyre harvesting #earth astral energy so its super lush and green. and so on and so forth #and in cyslodia theyre harvesting light astral energy so theres. theres no light. its dark. because theyre stealing it!!!!! #well why usnt menancia a barren wasteland then. why isnt ganoth super dry. wha #i COULD accept it if like. maybe. if like the completely stealing the light thing us like. ganabelt specifically. #like hes just a Special Boy and found a way to pull all the stops #and something like that has never been done before in the history of the crown contest #but no this has been going since the great conquest apparently so??? #like how arent the other lords doing something like that too? #is light astral energy like so fundamentally different that the harvesting process is the opposite of what happens in other realms? #and if thats the case why dont they ever explain it in the game. or just make a pasing comment about it. I'm not picky #aaaanyway. just get rid of that specific cyslodia plot point #and THEN you can focus on how living in the shade of rena influenced what parts of Dahna #like. to just kinda like. cement the world building a bit?

[eebie]

why do peopelt alk about personality types like that

#What if we were all just people!! #cos all that mbti stuff And the extent of a someone's persoanlioty is impossible 2capture #based on a 20 question online test That offers no context/reasoning behind the situations and answers it gives you #it just assumes why you chose those things u did and gives you a generalization that might be wildly inaccurate !!!!!!!!!!!!!! #but just because something is a whole load of baloney doesnt mean it cant be fun ^_^ heehee #it's silly sometimes. 2 see people describing The result i got like.. Ooooh .. they're cold unfeeling Machines... they're Evil genuis.. #and all coprrect Btw but not in the right way!!!!!!!!!!! #im an unfeeling machine the way im always on my grind and dont give a shit! And im an evilgenuis because im sexy and awesome basically #also thats all super minor stuff Personalitytypes shouldnt be 4 letters it should be about 4986534262357e^10 Letters #cos theres so much shit n overlap and basically its pointless To try n fit that into something as simple as that #Thtas like trying 2 put every color paint from every gradient from every hue and shade onto a single palette #simply impossible n you'll get paint all over yourself trying!!!! and the colors will all smudge together #and then you'll ahve to burn your clothes #but NOT if you have fun with it ^_^ #you don't wear a tuxedo while you're painting You wear that silly shit of which itdoesn't matter if it gets paint on it!! a colorful apron #basically trying to put anything in2 a binary In Sincerity is a waste of TIME but it can be fun !!! #NAYWAYS THIS IS STUFF PPL HAVE ALREADY TALKED ABOU IM SURE i just got carried away #*rubs the back of my head *Well.. heh #fuck how do u #do that thing anime boys do #where they do that. that thing i just tried to roleplay as #i forgot how #anyways this is not me being a hater Do whatever the hell u want ^_^ all tha power to u + i love u

[woohooincoffin]

Solas says I know a place and takes you to the middle of a swamp where he insults your culture, religious beliefs, and then dumps you.

#yeah im still thinking about this and its the next day #he might be telling the truth about the Vallaslin but my inquisitor did not let him remove it #I’ve played her as very proud to be dalish and believes in elven gods so it would be out of character even if solas says something else #maybe that’s what it represented then but it is not what it is now and she chooses to move forward #about the breakup … this is not the first time a man takes me on a date and dumps me 😭😭 but hey um wtf #honestly my lavellan does love him and is hurt but she has to be so many things to so many different people #there’s bigger things at stake and bigger problem to deal with at this time than whatever he's hiding or lying about #im pretty sure he was going to say something else not about the vallaslin #but his fear is dying alone becasue i saw it in the fade and yet !!!! he pushes everyone away he picks fights with everyone no matter whos #in the party he didnt come to the wicked grace game he never opens up beyond what he has seen in the fade. he is a fixed point #i wanna shake him by the shoulders and YELL WHATA RE YOU DOING you could have it all someone who loves you and a wonderf #a wonderful found family. he is kind and gentle but he is also so full of ANGER and he is so set on things being as he sees them. #Cole cant change because to Solas cole is always a spirit. the dalish are misguided and YOU Lavellan are just different YOURE special #the meaning of the vallaslin cant change because to him it represents slavery and it is in stone to him. things dont change with time they #are fixed. like things in the fade it what it was preserved. he is trying to hold on to a past that doesnt exist that has moved forward. #Solas says you cant change yourself by wishing. but i would say wishing for change is THE required prerequisite for change. a little though #a little idea a little wish that something was different better. but to #why cant you move forward Solas what the fuck are you holding onto so intesely #OKAY WHATEVER IM DONE WITH THIS ESSAY IM OVER IT ITS FINE ITS SO FINE

[asyipyip]

hold on everyone shut up im getting super emotional about jonathan sims

#tma #kara stop blogging #thinking about the web. thinking about how it was his first mark #and how that mark how that unaddressed trauma so deeply affected him. #and how befitting that is for the web too- to tie someone up its strands for YEARS #thinkin about how almost every single decision that man makes is made out of fear #that motherfucker has never felt safe in his god damn life you can tell and im EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT #thinking about how so much of his fear response is CONTROL because of it. His ridiculous skepticism was him trying to control it #if he denies it if he refuses to believe in it it cant hurt him #about his paranoia and desperation for knowledge is so rooted in that fear of losing control #about his entire s4 arc and grappling with becoming inhuman. about not feeling like he has any kind of personal autonomy #and how so often thats written off as him making excuses (and dont get me wrong- he makes excuses too. im not saying he doesnt) but also- #like you look at what happened with his first leitner and its like. he couldnt move. couldnt do anything to escape #and then when the other boy got taken he couldnt do anything to save him either #of course he feels like hes never had any control #of course hes desperate for knowledge- if he had only *known* what couldve happened then he couldve prevented it. #the survivors guilt is so deeply part of his character #and thats what makes jonah targeting him so fucking insidious and scary #he took his man who is already so terrified- put him in a situation where he was so out of his depth #knowing that his fear response would be to desperately try and figure out what was happening- to keep asking questions-- #pulling himself deeper into the eyes influence and easily turning it around and making it Jon's fault #as if Jon isn't trapped like everyone else- it's just his fear response is so fucking perfect for the role the eye needs him to play #and then it leads to the ultimate trauma of ripping control away from Jon and forcing him to do something so fucking horrible #something he would never in a million years CHOOSE TO DO #how he's so terrified of being made a pawn and he is. playing a game against elias where he couldn't even see the board #locking him out of his own body...forcing him to open the door. like. FUCK #I MEAN FUCK DUDE. PETER LITERALLY SAYS “HE GOT YOU” WHEN JON ASKED WHAT HIS 'PRIZE' WAS #LIKE SCRATCH THAT!!! FUCKING SCRATCH THAT!! he wasn't even a player he was a fucking PIECE in the game #GOD!!! #GOD!!!! free my boy he did nothing wrong (he did so many things wrong)

[sunbratz]

posting things im unhappy with and not stressing about it. posting things im unhappy with and not stressing about it. posting things im unhappy with and not stressing about it. posting th

#forcing myself to get over my uncomfortability with perfectionism yessir #stressed as hell about it but its fine #reminding myself because something is not perfect does not mean its bad and something being bad doesnt mean there cant be people who love it #so anyway reminding you all that too #bc im never gonna get over it unless i just start making ppl read it #and not feeling sick at the thought of people seeing my bad work and thinking im not capable of producing better #idk i need to sleep its past my bedtime LMFAO #ill probably delete this later

[diegoshargrieves]

listening to my parents talk about me is so fucking funny. "she's dealt with us for so long that at this point she's done. she's mentally checked out from having to give a shit about anyone. can you believe how corruptible she is just because she's almost an adult and she thinks that we're not her problem anymore?"

like man you are literally so close. so fucking close.

#no it's not that ive dealt with everyone for my whole life and now im selfish and dont want to give a shit about anyone anymore #its that ive dealt with everyone my entire life ive been an emotional support pillar ive been rotting in this toxic dysfunctional household #ive been a third parent ive stepped in for my dad when he spontaneously decides to be a deadbeat ive supported my mom without fail #whenever shes needed it for years. ive dealt with everyones fits of mania & psychosis & breakdowns & chronic pain & depressive episodes #ive had my mental illness trivialized and belitted and downplayed. im exhausted and traumatized and so fucking burned out #of course it looks like ive given up on everyone from the outside because im struggling !! im struggling mentally and emotionally #and its spilling out in all the wrong ways and they just see it as me letting my anger ruin my character and everyone else around me #they dont care if theres something wrong with me even though im throwing out signs and cries for help literally wherever i can #they just care that theyre affected by it and inconvenienced by my deteriorating mental condition #they think this mentally ill freak is just what i am at this point and they cant stop emotionally blackmailing me #by reminiscing about how i used to be so kind and optimistic. i wish they would just fucking see me for once #ive played the role of the good emotional support eldest daughter my entire life. why didnt they think it would blow up at some point #and when i have tried opening up in moments of severe emotional vulnerability they just throw it back in my face later on #while simultaneously telling me i just need to change my outlook on life because im still young and cant define myself by childish problems #mom you are depressed and anxious you should recognize it better than anyone. you should be able to see it for what it is #instead of telling me to go spend a week volunteering at a cancer hospital so i can go see what real problems exist for people in the world #and what other people are going through and maybe ill come out with a new appreciation for life #mom just bc people are dying of cancer doesnt mean i can't be depressed just bc other people have it worse doesnt mean i cant have it bad #im so fucking tired! #3 am vent post yippee i am going to regret oversharing on the internet so badly when i wake up tmrw

[sludgeguzzler]

im so glad im getting better lately and thinking of the future as full of possibilities and options. what really keeps me going lately has been thinking about graduating high school and moving out and going to college, getting a job, living my life normaly and on my own pace, which is such a big change from the plans i had made just a few months back. im feeling sorta hopeful about my future for once and its great. i want to grow old now. its great

#i mean it doesnt mean i have a clear vision of what i want to be as an adult and if im even gonna go to college #but. idk im living through it #gosh im just. im just so so glad i cant put it into words #its funny too cus just a couple of days ago i was in absolute misery because of the big test i had to do dfshgh #but actually doing it made something click for me i think. i came out of the building feeling so #so light i guess #it was raining a bit and i just wanted to walk #so i told my mom it was too crouded and for her to pick me up someplace else #and i walked to a bus stop while eating one of the worst cereal bars i have ever eaten and my shoes were all muddy and i had a headache #but idk. i felt. really good #you see i am a certified teenager im six months away from being 17 im living that late teen blues #where my face is becoming a little less greasy and my frontal lobe a little more developed #and that means its almost time for college and for drinking and for partying and for moving out #and like. man #its dawned on me that the plans i had the ones about offing myself when i graduated highschool #they just odnt hold up anymore #i WANT to graduate i WANT to move out to my own apartment #i WANT to get a job; to come out properly; to study art; to put these years behind me and live #and im not saying i want to embrace everything that comes with adulthood no #what the fuck even is a tax. what do you mean i have to pay for my own internet. what the hell water bill #but just the fact that i actually want to go through all the shit parts so i can live the good parts means a lot to me #idk at this point im just rambling #dont want to kill myself anymore yippie hooray #schools definetelly gonna be Hell next year but i want to get through it so i can live the good part of life #im also ok about not going to college. like fuck man if i dont go then i didnt go thats that #i do have one (1) cringe unrealistic expectation which is omg what if me and my current bf stayed together forever [autism stare] #at this point im just incoherently rambling sorry there was alot i wanted to say and i ended up losing whatever sense of writing i had. #if you read through all of thank you tho. extremely personal i know but idk. im happy #sg.txt

[shitbrainratface]

Srry i am very chatty today but i noticed the pipeline of

I want to die -> I want to be someone else -> I want to be me with a different life -> I want the plans I've made in my life to be easier to fulfill and that I could be more sure that I even can fulfill them

to be such a huge improvement and I'm proud

/ok to rb

#i find it funny when i talk about the state i am in and ppl seem so sad #like oh you cant drive oh you cant live on your own oh you need a caregiver... i wish you a good recovery #bitch i am recovered! just because my best point is worse than your lowest point doesnt mean i havent made huge steps #or like i talk about my insecurities #and theyre like well i hope you feel better about yourself #nonono its a good thing! because I get up and I look in the mirror and I feel negative emotion and thats it #i dont insult myself i dont feel dread or suicidal about it anymore #i just feel bad! and that bad feeling doesnt even last the rest of the day - I can forget about it easily now! #like ik ''i dislike how i look'' is sad for a lot of people but like... its such an improvement from ''if i look in a mirror i suddenly #develope delusions that my appearance is causing my girlfriend to cheat on me and that everyone wants me dead'' #its honestly like... i was talking with a trans woman who was thinking of coming out and transitioning #and she was like ''but im scared that i wont like the way i look #and everyone says i will but what if i dont'' #and i told her ''you have no idea how freeing it is to look in the mirror & dislike the way you look & still be happy and proud of your #physical changes'' #''imagine seeing yourself and instead of wanting to cry and scream and kill someone you go 'eh could be better' and then feel fine the rest #of the day'' #and the best part: I fully accept that there are other people who can find me attractive now #if i take a nude and i think it sucks then I send it anyways bc hey they see something in me that i cant and thats wonderful #and she said it really helped her bc that reality seemed so much more attainable than sudden radical self love #and maybe some day i will love myyself and love my appearance but even just where I am right now I think its pretty good #just.... i can not stress how freeing it is to be okay with yourself after a life time of thinking my appearance was the end of the world #im not going to lie - i am still incredibly jealous of hot ppl especially hot ppl who get a lot of compliments #but atleast being around hot people doesnt trigger me into a defensive scared mess anymore

[13eyond13]

.

#im not going to make this a full on post because its probably a very complicated topic to get into #and one i just have some half baked thoughts on #but i often think about how just because a writer didnt intend something to be queer doesnt mean it cant legit have queer elements in it #like you know how repression can sometimes bring things out in your creative work without you even realizing it until later on #or like... when you look at something like the matrix by the wachowski sisters who are trans #but i dont think were out back when they made it yet? #but watch that movie and you see the queerness all over it easily #im not saying we should be reading everything made by homophobic people as secretly gay or anything along those lines #nor giving all this credit to media widely read with unintended gay subtext as being super progressive or whatever when its not #BUT i do think its fine to refuse to do a bunch of mental gymnastics just so you can avoid reading something as queer #when people are going 'its not meant to be gay' at you #when it genuinely felt that way to you or when thats a pretty straight forward reading of something #and possibly even a simpler reading of the thing in many ways #than the one that refuses to take any queerness into account #p

[earlyspringtranscendence]

i wish betting on wrestling was like a thing because while i would never win if i bet on anything else (am bad at recognising patterns that actually mean anything) i would cash in soooooo much because i can ALWAYS tell when a jericho feud’s gonna run way too long again 😌

#hello hi . im stressed out this fair sunday evening #feel like im failing at school already its been like a month and yet #one of my teachers v much implied i'd fail her assignment if i didnt do a bunch of extra shit and like #theres reasons for it that i can see from her side but theres also just the issue that i told her about of like #i just dont know how to work with that many materials and slash or i cant go out and buy all these things right now #and then she's like well go down to xyz and ask them to do it for you and its like honey i dont know why you think we've got such a like #mutually beneficial relationship going on between all the applied and fine arts in this school like #thats a fiction that lives in your head ... especially after we just didn't exist in this school for a whole year #and anyway. i went ahead and tried some different materials and its just like. you cant make up what an insane failure thats been #and its not that i didnt try my best its just that like idk what she wants from me #cause anyway theres a reason i picked the materials that i did the first time round #changing those just kinda changes the meaning of the thing in general... which is something SHE teaches us #anyway. and tomorrow i have class w someone who i'm Difficult with (as in like i have a hard time around her im not purposefully difficult) #(its just that she makes me feel that way cause of the 'tism and cause of the fact she thinks she knows how to handle the 'tism) #(she doesnt) #and again i did a lot of work for her im just sure she's gonna expect me to have done more #but in my defense. i need to go to the doctor and see if they can prescribe me some form of ritalin bc my exhaustion was so bad last wk #and has been bad for a hot second lately #and theres really only so much i can do with the spoons at hand #anyway. and im also Sad Right Now because ive been ignored and interrupted while saying things a little too frequently recently #and im not laughing. im having a Time. #i didnt even have that bad of a week all things considered but goddd i need a break

[toerrishumansodontbeone]

god I hate when people are explaining things, but instead of just,, doing that,,, they use analogies and bog down the explanation with silly words and scenarios......... My brain just immediately loses focus and I cant comprehend the explanation at all.

#fuming raging gnawing on furniture at this godawful fucking twitter thread boasting about - #'explaining' how ai art generators arent just collage machines #while not explaining how it actually works but just making constant analogies #ok I UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT BUT HOW DOES IT /ACTUALLY/ WORK #you cant use vague terms about these sort of things #sure it doesnt just copy paste an image but it keeps INFORMATION about the image in some form or other #because theres no one way to visualize something #just cus u drew three lines making up a triangle doesnt mean thats the only way to make that image #so where is it pulling that from #AI lovers are defending their bs just cus its NOT TECHNICALLY PLAGIARISING #and sure it may not be a pixel for pixel copy #but plagiarization goes way beyond that #im so fucking sick of seeing the supports all gang up on anyone worried about copyright issues #cus OBVIOUSLY only CAPITALIST MONEY HUNGRY PIGS would be into that sort of thing #and not like the people who make art #vermin chat