#but its so...here comes another tumblrized word: elitist

[mothslimes]

last post: if homophobic dads want their sons to toughen up and stop being into pansy shit, just send them to art school. nothing makes you hate art quicker than be around a bunch of pretentious artists

#mik talks #i have some conflict with the word pretentious because by definiton i am pretentious #but i do need that word kinda to deal with these feelings i haev towards other people in my field #this.... thought that they are so much more educated and jsut get it all better than me andthere is no way i can make good art #because i am so young and not experienced. and yes i guess that is true i dont think i make good art #but its so...here comes another tumblrized word: elitist #i cant afford to go to a shit ton of museums and i dont have the energy to do it anyway #and so many artists nowadays are just rich people with a lot of time on their hands #i miss when art was about being chaotic and just doing shit in between shifts at work and not just... a whole field you went into #i dont believe in the separation of humans into artists and non artists because i think fundamentally every human is an artist #and everything a human makes just for its own sake is art #or can be art. or maybe the category is broader. honestly what do i know im 19 #and this is what bothers me because its that stupid ass smart people school that bragged about being top in our state i went to again #just that all over again. constantly being told what a chance you have and how much smarter than everyone you are. its tiring #and that is a privileged thing to say except they dont rlly tell me im smarter than others. they tell me i should be. i just dont meet the #expectations of the field i went to. i guess im burned out when it comes to art #everything has alrady been said and done #and if im completely honest i want to gatekeep art more which is entirely contradictory to what i just said because #once again here comes in my fear. i dont want people who are not humans or who i do not recognize as humans. people who i #recognize as wanting to hurt me. i dont want them to know about art. because if they do the things i do that means i could be like them #and that scares me because i dont want to be liek them and i dont want themt o be like me and i dont want to be tricked by them #god this sounds psychotic #when i say people who are not humans i am referrign to a specific kind of superficial person. the kind that bullies people #except i genuinely am sometimes convinced they do not experience human emotions #and there is no way to remind myself that they do because i just cant see it. anyway