#but if i were ever to 'give up' on a fic

[galateagalvanized]

I've just been reading your fic Interstitial and oh my god, it is absolutely amazing!!!! You write so well and the horror and tension is excellent. I've never read anything quite like it. I don't know if you're planning on finishing it but I've thoroughly enjoyed it and will absolutely devour any more of it you end up writing. So so good!!!

Oh wow thank you so much!!! I really appreciate that, wow, thank you!! I'm so glad you've been enjoying it. I am still planning on finishing it! I've got the whole plot laid out and just need to keep chipping away with it after I move and get my surgery :) I hope you will still enjoy it once it's updated!

#hydrangeadangea #also i don't anticipate this happening #but if i were ever to 'give up' on a fic #I'd post the plans to ao3 #so everyone could at least have some closure on my wild plots lolol #thank you for reading! #interstitial

[socksandbuttons]

loving the response on dadcode and bean bloodmoon comic

#it what we wanted vs how canon decided that No. No we will never get it ever #EVEN THO... ITS JUST MAKES IT MORE DEVASTATING IF IT WAS DADCODE LIKE CMON #THATS HOW U GET A MAN TO GRIEVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but nooooo noooo just tool forveevrrrr #like legit u could still have killcode admit 'you were never my child then' #and still have that 'but i wasnt a good father either' AND have some implied effect of killcode wanting to fix that #but never get to it cause bloodmoon kills him!!! THEY'D NEVER KNOW THE TRUE ANSWER. #anyway u couldve done something with that BUT SURE. DONT GET A MAN TO OWN UP FOR GIVING BLOODMOON SOME ISSUES #LIKE HE LITERALLY BARGED IN AND CALLED KC DAD AND KC WAS LIKE 'surely i didnt give him familial problems' #PERHAPS NOT INITIALLY BUT U WERE THE ONE WHO SAID ITTTT #anyway forgets canon for a moment im good its fine #just love reading peoples comments on it and going yes... i provide #in art anyway! i know theres some fics out there of dadcode #the more knwon 'kill code u are the father' #WHICH I NEED TO READ but know. its got me going 'ah yes... dadcode needs'

[artemis-in-space]

I literally don't care what you ship in One Piece as long as you get the dynamic right

#one piece/ one piece art is my life blood #I need it to live #I personally don't like zosan At All but I'll reblog your art if I like the style or you get the dynamic right #I'm not that into Luffy x Zoro but basically everyone who draws/writes it has gotten them perfectly so fuck it like kudos reblog #honestly if Luffy ends up with anyone I'll be disappointed cause I project onto him so hard #but you're all right. aroace people can be in relationships and so long as he be acting like luffy I don't give a shit #I actually LOVE Law x Luffy. its my go to Luffy ship #but I realised a while back its cause Law is 'my type' and Luffy is the character I am most like #plus they cute together and I love enemies to lovers where only one of them thinks they were ever enemies #I don't understand a Lot of the reasoning behind most ships in one piece but god damn do I like your art style #I've read so many fics where crew members are together that I'm like. hm weird. but like you got the crew dynamic So Perfect I literally do #..not care its going in the bookmarks #one piece #artemisposting

[cornerful]

Sméagol and the Gift

'Now!' said Sam. 'At last I can deal with you!' He leaped forward with drawn blade ready for battle. But Gollum did not spring. He fell flat upon the ground and whimpered.

'Don't kill us,' he wept. 'Don't hurt us with nassty cruel steel! Let us live, yes, live just a little longer. Lost lost! We're lost. And when Precious goes we'll die, yes, die into the dust.'

Devastated by this. Just a little longer, he begs. Even though his existence is a torment. Even though the will that holds him to life is barely his own anymore. He has long outlived his time but it's such a cruelty that now the only freedom for him is in death. I'm glad Sam didn't kill him but the whole scenario is awful.

When a mortal keeps a ring of power he does not gain more life, he continues, denied natural mortality as the fear of death is amplified and twisted into fear of separation, nothing matters anymore but the keeping, the continuing. In that miserable existence there is no peace, and at its end there is no graceful goodbye to life, there is only dust. Sudden, empty, and final.

It would take murder to spare him that. Or falling with the ring into the fire.

Bilbo let it go in time (did he feel anything when it was destroyed?) Frodo is freed of it now, though the toll it extracted for the separation was at very least a finger. It was too late for Gollum for the price to be anything other than it was, and that's brutal.

If you live long enough, death is no longer the enemy. What Sauron did to Gollum ensured that it would always be the enemy, to be feared and avoided for ever, once time and the ring had fashioned it into the only escape left. Evil.

#lotr newsletter #suicide mention in tags #haunted by the au in which gollum goes into the fire with the ring On Purpose #bc he still couldnt separate himself from it but frodo's compassion had somewhat released him from its evil #in a way an honor to frodo's quest and in a way an act of mercy to be able to give up the self-torment #which gives me shrimp feelings bc of the everything but also back to the original point that it is so tragic that death is all that awaits #bc death is natural and that was taken from him. what is the will to live in the absence of natural death? #smth deeply horrible about that #matt bugg screaming we'll be dust. so famous and rent free #lotrn325 #damn it im having more thoughts #wraiths vs gollum: discuss #the nature of the ring kept affects the nature of its possession no? those rings were made FOR thralldom #sauron has power over gollum but not That Much and his own ring is all abt the domination #what would a 2000 year old gollum even be like ._. #the wraiths are probably even more tragic bc at this point they're like...undead. even death isn't freedom #on that topic what happened to the witch-king's spirit fr #I'm pretty sure he isn't ever actually called that in the book but it's epic and gender and way snappier than lord of the nazgul #anyway shoutout to i think yambits for breaking the lore and giving them peace that was sick #where's my gollum rehab fic #i know he's a horrible little man who is constantly trying to murder my boys but i love him so #the au...gollum gaining the willpower to destroy himself because he was given trust and kindness and companionship for once. FUCKED UP. #fucked up horrible i need a minute. being shown compassion and then becoming more self-compassionate. epic #that compassion entailing seeking the freedom of death your soul was denied bc this is fantasy and somehow the exact #arc that usually leads to fighting to live is now flipped. HUH. #yeah jirt alluded to his motivation being For Frodo but i maintain that the willingness to die is HUGE there and extremely relevant #me and my red string keeping me company #ugh tag championships i win i think but at what cost #who wants to spin around miserably in a pool like franknfurter with me as we listen to gollum's song #tam you're already invited i have a floaty for u

[moregraceful]

KASPER THOSE TAGS. THE IMPACT THIS SCHOLARSHIP CAN HAVE ON THE GUNNAR HENDERSON BLEEDING LOVE CINEMATIC UNIVERSE

GHBLCU!!! I can’t even look at the tags I wrote my own self without blacking out bc rhi’s scholarship captures SUCH a specific and visceral mood that yeets me violently back to high school and college, but it also captures the vibes around certain men so so well. Like yeah!! If I was Gunnar Henderson having to be around chosen one Adley Rutschmann who is so kind and so big and so goofy and so disinterested in me romantically but loves me wonderfully like a brother, if I was Gunnar sitting on the couch watching The Dark Knight with Adley, both of us sprawled out and kinda paying attention but also not really because neither of us actually wanted to watch the Dark Knight, Adley wanted to watch Casablanca and Gunnar wanted to watch V for Vendetta and they just ended up on The Dark Knight rather than re-litigate an argument about how many times you can watch Casablanca without Humphrey Bogart becoming Your Thing, if I was Gunnar and I was kinda bored and I knew Adley was kinda bored and I could see him shifting restlessly on the couch like he wants to start that argument again anyway, then, yeah, I would be feeling some things. If I was Gunnar, I would kinda wish Adley would feel me up on the couch!!! A lot!!!!

#i had to google ‘’movies’’ for this post bc like any good small liberal arts college student who came of age in certain ways in baltimore i #could not remember the name of one single movie made ever that wasn’t ghibli except the social network and to kill a mockingbird #this ask no joke has taken me almost an hour to answer because i had a long ass tag tangent abt the baby o’s ending up at a burlesque show #getting targeted by burlesque dancers and whether that was relatable for anyone else in their 20s in baltimore or if that was just me #but i realized it’s not relatable at all #like do i think adley would also say ‘’oh gosh’’ at a burlesque show yes but he’d probably play it off a lot better than me #every once in a while i think abt mining my baltimore collegetown experience for fic and then i’m like i barely left campus #you want a fic about breaking down sobbing in a class about hamlet bc people were bullying ophelia i’m your guy!! everything else that #happened to me happened without me having one single ounce of input or agency i just like ended up places and by virtue of being small #and wide-eyed and pretty sheltered growing up with zero street sense burlesque dancers were like wow. we gotta bully this kid so hard #which i don’t think is really the vibe that adley rutschmann gives off???? maybe i’m wrong. orioles scholars should engage #dude i should i have kept a timer on how long it took me to answer this ask #cage replies #pindergarten #i’m so sorry. i’m SO sorry

[jrueships]

stefs ass is SO fat..... HOW isn't there more fanfiction of diggs/allen. im gonna thr*w up

#sometimes i think abt how much more loved my favs would be by others if they were basic white twinks and i wanna claw the wall #sauce would be a tumblr sexyman rn #diggs/allen would get more love if 1. allen was skinnier 2. diggs was the top 3. diggs was the bttm but he was white #sorry aometimes it's like. frustrating to see even in the simple media #shit is cruel #and i feel like i keep just encouraging more fans for the underrated #and rarely ever make stuff for it myself bcs i keep trying to hold out some hope that things can change #without me #bcs im terrified of starting things off on the wrong start but since it's the start no one notices and it just goes downhill from there #but it's like i think i have to which sucks so so bad #bcs i KNOW theres people who can do so much better than me for it but it just #idk sometimes i hate caring abt stuff no one else does sometimes like it's just so tiring #maybe i just need to leave or give up or smthin like im the outsider and thats just how it's gonna be #im always gonna be attracted to the stray and i cant ever stay it's so tiring it's so tiring #anyways this was supposed to be funny bcs it's me being all harrumph abt little ship fic lol #i need to watch fat albert again i love fat albert

[doomed-era]

hey. so. urbosa's nickname for zelda makes SO much more sense if the gerudo language has diminutive forms

#breath of the wild #urbosa #looking at NOA rn. sighing. #I have no idea what the japanese version of little bird is but it probably sounds less...stupid. #I mean I don't think the quality of botw's writing was ever high even if NOA did a bad translation they were just handed poor material #BUT. japanese doesn't have diminutives iirc it does have honorifics and my guess is that urbosa's OG nickname is using an honorific #in a diminuitive way #personally if I was NOA I would have made up a gerudo word for urbosa to say and have her explain that it means little bird #not only is that a cool lore tidbit BUT...that actually gives us some insight into how the gerudo language works #anyways i'm using that for my fic like and subscribe for more bs

[bumblingbabooshka]

T’Pring Memes 

#T'Pring is everything to me #SNW is the T'Pring show to me sorry about it v_v #Honestly T'Pring could blow up a planet and I'd be like 'she had her reasons i'm sure...let's hear the full story...' #Me @ T'Pring whenever she talks to Spock: ey is dis guy botherin you???? #spock has ENOUGH stans....it is time for the T'Pring Girlies to emerge..... #snw please give me more T'Pring content so I can start writing T'Pring fic pleaaaaase thank you #also more uhura content I love her. T'Pring & Uhura are my faves so far <3 and my third favorite is Ortega #we don't know much about her yet but I'm digging the vibe. Tom Paris WISHES he were her LITERALLY. #ummmm idk any of the men on that show. M'Benga <3 aaaaand..............................pine tree..........kirk with a cartoon disguise #........the other vulcan thats not T'Pring............./j #If they ever make T'Pring into The Bad Guy with Spock I'm gonna become soooooo UNreasonable<3 #T'Pring #SNW #also I don't hate chapel but she seems like she'd pour a glass of wine - give it to someone else and then drink from the bottle #as like a goof and that's her vibe so far #which v_v fine......if that's what you're into Spock. Her Quirky White Girl Swag #T'Pring is not a girlboss and she would never step on me nor would I ask her to - she's ju st trying her best!!!!!! she REALLY IS!! -crying- #I've been thinking of her since I saw that art this morning ....v_v #star trek memes #snw memes

[the-mushroom-faerie]

have a gloriously stupid fic that has no business being this long but i love it so much

#stargate #stargate atlantis #john sheppard #rodney mckay #mushroom fics #this is a repost bc i got so caught up in my laptop keeping the formatting that i forgot to change the story breaks #(i usually post on my phone but that is an exercise in frustration and it is annoyingly easy on my laptop) #its also on the border of what im comfortable writing/reading but i love it so much #shoutout to stick for giving me thw prompt beta reading AND helping me with scenes that were giving me issues #she really is the best ever i love her so much 🥰🥰🥰🥰

[killuaisaprincess]

reminder GONKI IS MORE CANON 😤😏 so anytime some kg person tries to send hate at you remember it’s just cuz they’re big mad Gonki more canon eheheh 😘🤭

#IS WHY I WONT LET ANY LOSER GET ME DOWN 😤 #I KNOW ITS JUST CUZ THEY ARE BIG MAD THE DIRECTOR CALLED KI WIFE AND KIS VA TAGS STUFF GONKI EHEHEH 😘🥰 #Naturally sadly on the west side there’s wayyyy more kg people so I don’t mean alll of them obvi but please #on twitter- I mean x #I am like the sole person in the English gonkillu tag mostly #And these kg fans got big mad when there was dare an artist in there for a while who was popular and used gonki tag #LIKE HOW DARE THEY LOL #Losers got so mad over a tag that has hardly anything in it #SO DONT LET ANY OF THEM DRAG YOU DOWN #Most the time they’re hypocrites and losers #AND I WONT LET ANY OF THEM EVER STOP ME #🤧😤🥰 #Honestly they’re free to hate it like I hate kg but the fact they go to bully an artist the moment they dare to use the gonki tag is not #Acceptable #That tag isn’t there for you #Its for us few #ANYWAY ILL ALWAYS STAND MY GROUND FOR THE GONKIS #And trust me this is no lie I’ve been harassed ive seen people leave that were gonkis I have even had friends! #open gonki people tell me they are scared to post #LIKE WHAT YOU WANNA BUT LEAVE US ALONE #And no none of them can use the excuse of “heteronormative” or whatever else they want to get away with bullying #ESP NOT WHEN THEY WILL TURN AROUND AND DO THE SAME TROPES WITH THEIR VER LOL do what you want but do not be a hypocrite to send threats #Its all fiction there’s no need to play purity police god will def let you up into heaven cuz you told me to kill myself for #Having Ki in a dress #NOT LOL! TOO BAD 😤 AND KI IS A PRETTY PRINCESS WHO DESERVES DRESSES 😤 PERIOD #I’m sure there’s been a few rotten gk people I don’t accept them as my kin either but from the few of us I do know #We’re never gone to the kg tags or go to those people’s posts and fics LIKE WHY WOULD I EVEN WANNA SEE STUFF I HATE IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE #AND YES I HAVE TWO FOLLOWERS AND NO I HAVE NO ISSUE SPEAKING OUT ESP WHEN PEOPLE I KNOW GET HARASSED SPECIFICALLY BY A KG PERSON #I WILL GIVE US A PEP TALK 😤 ITS JUST CUZ THEY ARE BIG MAD YOU KEEP DOING YOU GONKI IS CANON 😤

[rosemary-bells]

may be remembering this wrong but that one scene post-five yrs when smj was worrying abt mr not being as considerate to him anymore.

bro u literally cut his heart open. he was probably worried abt the flower not working or smth like that and not like. mr not liking him anymore (didn’t he admit that he didn’t even like mr that much??) but bro. knife. heart. if he doesn’t pay attention to you anymore he has ever y right to do so sir

#buzz #erha #2ha #the husky and his white cat shizun #erha spoilers #2ha spoilers #also when smj was like no one ever understood me. ok they could’ve tried harder but you literally did not give anyone a chance #you did not open up. yes they did not ask you abt things but they didn’t even know you HAD problems. you did not let yourself be vulnerable #which. is honestly completely understandable considering his situation but damn he was pointing fingers #like bro. u r as much at fault as they are when it comes to ur failed relationships. shakes fist #yes ur life didn’t allow for it yes they could’ve been more considerate maybe but like u were not vulnerable. u did not let them see those w #weaknesses. it is not their job to understand u as a person and consider someone who spends so much of his time ensuring that no one ever co #considers him due to Circumstance #i may be remembering this wrong also don’t take me too seriously #it’s like 306am and smj is frustrating me in this fic i’m debating writing so i’m like #spewing my thoughts #i like smj. hate hbn. love their complexity and their goal is as noble as any #do not agree w smj’s methods and disagree w hbn’s Vehemently #also hbn was an arse so there’s that. homeboy was under NO flower influences when he tried what he did. also genocide! lord in heaven #like they r complex characters and i appreciate their writing #i also want to throttle hbn. complexity and a noble goal does not make you any less of an ass #also like that was probably the point of their characters. we don’t see much of smj bcs he doesn’t allow himself for that. we only see hbn’s #cruelties and barely any of his kindnesses save for his dedication to the bbbs. #limited povs are Real. still tho. wanna throttle hbn

[elftwink]

the one fun thing about writing something longer than 10k or so words is once you get really frustrated with the specific part you’re working on and start being like ‘im a fraud im a sham ive never written anything’ you can just take a breather and scroll around 1000 words forward and be like. actually i’m so talented and cool and hot and this is going to be the best thing ever. this libreoffice document contains multitudes

#good idea generator #fic writing tag tba #yes this is about that fake married au i post about once every 3 months or so but never actually finish #sir thats my emotional support fic i started in 2019 that i'm most of the way finished with #but cannot for the life of me polish off the last few thousand words #but that document is always open. every day it's me and caleb widogast against the world #actually its me against caleb widowgast. writing from that man's perspective feels like wringing water from a rock sometimes #i do feel bad posting about this wip because its been. multiple years. and i don't want to continually give the impression #that i might post it Tomorrow. Soon. idfk that yknow especially given how everything has been in the last few years #but like also at this point it is hard to understate the emotional attachment i have to working on this fic and talking about it 2 myself #this thing is a monster. it has like six documents. varying stages of draft saved. alternate scenes documents. alternate perspective bits #multiple outlines. a playlist. a poem that fits it #most of the random npcs who exist to move the plot along got full backstories to the point where i could play them as dnd pcs #it's the longest work of fiction ive ever written. bc ive been working on it on and off for so long a lot of milestones #were completed while writing this fic. idk its been so long its almost embarrassing to be like 'still working on it' #but i couldn't give it up if i tried. you know. this fic is like a lover to me. it is my everything #it's my mortal enemy it's my best friend it's my shoulder to cry on it's my fine china to throw against the wall #i escape to it. i need to escape from it. i'm tortured by it. its tortured by me. i bemoan it day in and day out #i wish id never started writing it. i wish i could experience writing it all again. i want to be done yesterday. i never want to finish #etc. you get the picture

[quantumleapt]

Something I’m thinking about on this fine morning is how there’s absolutely no way Tom and Katie don’t know about Sam’s leaping.

Both of them (and Thelma and John) were super freaked out when Sam leapt back into teen!Sam, though of course at the time it was written off as teen!Sam pulling a stunt so his big brother wouldn’t leave.

But then we have Tom’s “thanks to you, little brother” while looking right at Sam (which I think seals the deal that he knows, somehow, that that’s really Sam, especially since that’s the moment Sam leaps) in 1969 and what Katie must feel once the Beatles break up in 1970 and when Imagine comes out in 1971. The whole incident would be in incredibly recent memory for both of them since he leaped home in 1968. Not to mention the fact that teen!Sam would have absolutely no recollection of acting so strangely for that Thanksgiving, even though everyone else would. There’s absolutely no way they don’t know, and no way they don’t feel incredibly hopeless and helpless when they realize Sam’s disappeared.

#ooc. #headcanon. #beth watches ql. #tagging this with #spoilers #quantum leap spoilers #mainly for kiwi’s benefit #but. BUT. i am thinking about it #especially because!!! we know from future boy that sam has always had an interest in time travel ever since he was a little boy!!! #and he grew up so smart and so gifted!!! and so loved by his family!!! wouldn’t they think that if anybody could do it sam could?? #i will probably have to write a fic about it #beckett family tbt. #katie beckett-bonnick tbt. #tom beckett tbt. #i need sibling content ql give me sibling content #especially with katie. we were done so dirty

[dirt-str1der]

I literally had a dream about reading the worst fan fiction like fucking ever kiryu was just randomly a yandere and nishiki was trying his best to survive also kiryu turned into a dragon (deez nuts) halfway and let nishiki kill him for being a bad boy but he was so upset about having to kill his bro that he just lay in the corpse for a bit and thats when i decided to stop reading and i literally opened tumblr in my dream to complain about how bad it was like the writing went back and forth from being terrible to incredible and i found myself enjoying some parts and despising others. I skipped the first few chapters so i had to tab back out and read the summary like why are they in a beach resort and the summary didnt just tell me nothing but it was also double spaced between each line and very fucking irritating and while reading it i kept thinking this is extremely ooc and boring like they would not fucking say that

#Listen to my problems #i cant stress enough that i dont even ship them why did i read a sex fic about kiryu and nishikiyamer #like i believe they are the bestest of friends forever and ever and like as hotblooded young men growing up together they must have tried a #few sex moves on each other at least once but i dont think they see each other as romantic prospects. like unlike majima and saejima #(seajima) who are literally together all the time and will never travel anywhere without the other unless its to prison. kiryu and nishiki #have this understanding that eventually theyll have to part ways and find their own path. while they would always remain in each others #hearts and thoughts they knew that they couldnt be holding hands forever and besides they have to focus on getting kazama to the top not #each other !! so nishiki was very happy that kiryu was getting his own family soon even if it meant that kiryu was getting ‘ahead’ of him #and kiryu who can accept consequences for himself but no one else was just like um ... well nishiki please give me the gun and take yumi #your sister needs you or whatever <3 i am definitely expendble and prison life is for me yayy yayyyy i love going to jail so nobody can talk #to me ever again. i keep asking myself how difficult it would have been for kiryu to just pop in by the hospital every now and then to check #in on nishikis sister. its not like he cant take care of her. its not like he doesnt know how to earn money. he just straight up thinks that #nishiki is better than him so he should be the one to get locked up ... because nishiki can take care of yumi and i straigh up forgot his si #sisters name and reina and kazama without him. and nishikis like damn i wish kiryu was here so bad (looks at his wwkd bracelet) hm think ill #go insane. i literally forgot what my original point was but that fic was so bad guys im so glad it doesnt exist #in it kiryu was trying his best to keep nishiki in one place and he kept being very. well kiryu was just kiryu but he kept apologising #saying things like you cant leave yet ... and looking at him with his big sad eyes and nishiki would always be like f-fine ... (he doesnt #like it here) also nishiki was one hell of a princess type and had a nurse costume on at some point which means the yakuza server nishiki #propoganda is working on me. very weird. love the part when kiryu was randomly a big dragon because he utterly filled the hallways of their #little beach shack and his scales were nice and soft and he was lovely. little guy

[hihopelessromantics]

Hiya! To all the lovelies who’ve been reading “Through the Wall,” I got a question. A poll if you will. How many times do you wanna see someone / something get thrown through a wall? I’m still working out plot details so there’s plenty of room for fun hehe :) 

more storybuilding nonsense / questions in the tags! 

#through the wall #poll? #question for the audience #my fanfiction #boy i sure do love social interaction #can't wait to see what future me comes up with for the metaphorical walls in this story. #you can also suggest characters to throw through walls. #submit Holy War character for angst? #what do you think Ludociel's family / parents would be like? #7 rats I can feel your version of Chandler leaning over my shoulder. He would definitely notice Meliodas left. the ideas are coming....save #is Chandler EVER normal in the fanfictions? I don't think I've ever read a fic where he's not. like. at least a 6 on the unhinged scale #what's you guys' opinion on Nerobasta? I don't know what to make of her #same for Ludociel. he scares me. #I will inflict pain on Nerobasta. I don't know why. But I will #giving the few goddess characters some background #my brain is coming up with heinous little ideas. what background do we have on Ludociel? That his family and friends were killed #hmmm. how did. how did they die. #do you guys want angst by any chance #Ludociel and Nerobasta fail to learn empathy arc??? how does that sound #Asteraoth sure is a Character. how do you think the Goddess Clan willl react to her? you''ll see her again #thanks for reading!!!

[stonesandswords]

…

#i hate how the discord server i left 6 months ago still has such a profoundly negative affect on me #i still get panic attacks over the way i was treated #the sheer anxiety of some of the things that were said to me still HAUNT me #it was such an awful experience and i was bullied for what? #for being new to fandom? for having different headcanons? for not being the best communicator? #i tried to make up for what i wasn’t in a lot of ways #i tried to share memes and be supportive of everyone’s art and fic and anything else they shared #but it was such a struggle to even get people to turn around and give me one single percent of what i gave them #and it drained me ever living fuck out of me #and i’m still so fucking scared and anxious about participating in this specific fandom because of the absolute shit experience i faced #and like i still do! participate in the fandom but i’m dripping with pure anxiety and fear when i do #it hasn’t helped that a few people i *thought* were my friends in this fandom either joined this server #or bullied me for being in other fandoms #and just generally lost interest in my friendship for reasons i still don’t know #and i’m grateful for the friends i have made in the fandom but there’s just a point of like …. i still last resort and second tier it feels #personal