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sweetmaple · 2 years

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Okay. Hi. It's almost July. (It is now actually July, but it was June when I wrote this. Whoops.) I just finished In Space with Markiplier. I have so many feelings and now it's everyone else's problem.

To be clear, I haven't yet done my customary ending-hunting for part 2 at the time of drafting this because I got what I'm certain is the best possible one the first time and had to sit down for a minute.

I don't post much about Marker-Pliers, despite having watched his stuff regularly for an amount of time that makes me feel old for my relatively small amount of years, but this time I gotta say something. I've become increasingly impressed over the years by his ever-growing Markiplier Cinematic Universe, his lengthy list of Egos, and the way his creative visions (and his budgets) seem to grow and complicate themselves in new and interesting ways each time he comes out with a new project. I'm sure that if (when?) he makes more content for the MCU we will all be falling over ourselves again in wonder/astonishment/praise, etc, and MatPat will be shaking in his boots trying to fathom how the new content fits into the existing lore. For now, we have ISWM. And I think it is the best thing Mark has done to date.

Part One of ISWM feels fairly standard. It has the choose-your-own-adventure format we've come to know and love, it has maddening easter eggs, references to past channel lore, goofs and gags, all the good stuff. I could tell it was trying to pose a more significant question to watchers than previous adventures, but it didn't push me to think especially deeply. I fucked around, but I hadn't yet found out.

Part Two....Part Two got me good. My choices mattered more and yet I had even less idea of what would happen when I made a decision. The identical branches of wormhole obfuscated my future so I had no way to predict how my choices would affect my path until I'd already acted. I could even make the same choice without knowing I was doing so, thereby perpetuating the loops I was stuck in. (An unconscious replication of the cycle of abuse, perhaps; an interesting callout to those of us who have been in that situation before, and possibly a reference to something that may have been part of Mark's journey as well.) I tried to follow Mark for a while and choose the paths that he fell through, but that quickly became impossible when other important characters like the Lady fell in the opposite hole (what if I was supposed to follow her instead? Did she hold the key to solving this whole mess?), or I witnessed multiple Marks going in opposite directions. I couldn't please everybody. I couldn't always make the right choice. Snap decisions are hard for me, especially when I know I could potentially hurt someone, and choosing blind only to discover I've repeated an old pattern was discouraging, to say the least.

But I had something no one else had: a back button.

What kind of power is that? And what kind of world is it where only one person has it? Most of all, why me? Putting us the audience in that situation is like, what? I am God? Except I'm just some guy. Knowing I'm just some guy and I never wanted to be much more than some guy, really, maybe learn how to love well and take care of my friends and my community, and I was just trying to get people to safety as well as I could, but now I'm here and somehow I've become immortal, and yet everyone seems to know more about what I'm doing than I do, or if they don't then they place all of their trust in me anyway, and I still have to make choices that are potentially world-ending -

And that's how it feels to grow up. That kind of terror. I'm told I stand at the crux of everything and I look at all the people around me who made all the wrong choices but they can't or won't tell me how they got there and I am still expected to choose. Now.

And at the end of it all, when I've made all the wrong choices despite my power and I've hurt so many people and I can't even know how far-reaching the consequences of my actions are because I'm just so small in comparison to all the things I've done to the universes, and who decided it was a good idea to give me this much power anyway - after I see the despair and confusion and pain and regret and guilt I feel reflected on the face of a human being I've held and comforted in my arms as he wept, lifetimes ago - after I wake up behind the same glass door of the cryo-chamber that I've seen a hundred times and feel the drop of a stone into my gut at the thought that it might have been meaningless, that I was unable to save even one person from pain - after all that, do you know what Mark says when we choose to Hold On?

"Thank you. For, uh, not giving up on me. Just...thank you."

And I am rewarded by what happens when you hope.

I step out of that formerly hellish frozen portal to the faces of my crew. They are smiling. They chatter amongst themselves. The colony made it to our new planet after all. I took care of my community. We took care of each other. The satisfaction and pride I feel has no words, only a swelling in my chest that feels too big for my bones as I accept my mistakes and realize that, without all the stumbling and the opportunities I misjudged, I never would have made it here at all.

So, in fits and starts, we come to the end. Always fearfully looking over our shoulders towards the past, always rooted in the steps we take in the present, always with eyes shining in wonder and hope as we consider the many permutations of the future. The end credits roll as I sit back on my bed, slowly coming out of the world Mark has created. I breathe. I reflect on the journey I have taken, with him and with many other people, whether they knew it or not. I open up a blank document and start to write.

#iswm #markiplier #markiplier cinematic universe #the power of media the universality of the human experience etc etc #thanks for coming to my ted talk lol #rant #kind of?#iswm spoilers #just in case #iswm meta #maybe #i just kinda word vomited and then hit post idk

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planettnibiruu · 2 years

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Heyyy, So l've finished the Solomon story (for now), I wanna start something new. I've got a few ideas brewing, they're down below. I'm a super indecisive person though, so lemme know which one you'd like to see most! :))

I really wanna make a smau, they just seem so fun and easy. I've read heaps of smaus and they always stand out to me. I have a few ideas for one. The first is a Dabi/reader/Hawks street racing one, but I've also got an idea for a Dabi/reader/Hawks fic where you start being a tattoo artist at the same studio as them.

There's also been a few people post that they want a series of being domestic with Mam/the rest of the boys. I wouldn't mind doing that, as I honestly find it super cute. Plus it would be quiet fun to elaborate on all the daydreams I've had about living with the boys. The only problem is that I've written a lot for the om!boys and kinda wanna branch out.

I also had an idea for a series where the MHA guys and gal's are monsters. So like bakugou might be a werewolf, todoroki a vampire, ect, ect. They move into your apt for one reason or another. This idea is inspired by @slytherdor-artfics hybrid au and HallowVA on yt. I really like the idea of it just bcuz monsters are awesome. Also I highly recommend both the ppl I've mentioned as thier content is 👌

I briefly had an idea to do something about being a camp counsiller. I think this could be fun to do with either haikyuu men or bnha boys, but I'm not sure what exactly the plot would be. I'm also not that into haikyuu so I could mess it up a lil.

Lastly is a smau abt you being a transfer to UA. Tbh this is just writing a story about what I've scripted in my DR. Basically your a trnasfer from your home country (I'm aus so I'll write stuff common there). In your hc you're a really popular hero, and you've been a hero for 3ish years. You transfer with 4 other students who are all at ranked in the top 5 students of your school. You're no 1 cuz I've got a big ego. This story would feature some OCs I've made.

Lemme know what sounds best, I'll probably get around to doing a few of them, so that's something to consider. I hope you guys have a great day/night, <3

Edit; I forgot to say, but you can let me kno either in the comments or in my asks

#obey me x reader #bnha #bnha x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #obey me

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bedboat · 2 years

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I'm trying very hard to do things, and be myself, which I don't feel like all the time.

also to keep a balance of not trying so hard that I burn all the way out again

...doing things hasn't been going so well. I'm not sure if the program I'm waitlisted for will accept my pitch of a disabled+otherwise marginalized collective (the idea is for a few specific branches of arts, partly for space/access reasons). I'm worried they'll get condescending about disability things and what we can keep up with, or say that it doesn't count as a business (the business aspect is in customization services, eg body modification, art sales, etc.)

I've been a little better in general since working on things in my head from the brain injury angle, which has been pretty neglegted. many thought trains I have ridden, recently. progress, progress.

it's a LOT less frustrating to understand why I'm this extra layer of frustrated, why I suddenly can't think, why my speech is stuck and staggered and slow and aphasic, why everything after scramble 1 is clunky static and after scramble 2 is a choppy haze.

so I've had a touch more patience, been reminding myself of that context, like hey, this and some other things happened. it's pretty normal to lose some stuff.

you can't fix it with willpower. or being pissed off about it. or sad. which doesn't mean to avoid those things; it's good to process grief.

just chill every once in a while and let yourself be the scrambled egg noodle bone exorcism-magnet basket of guts that you are.

which is like, nothing super new from everything I've said on trauma/disability/grief, but sometimes we gotta stop and consciously remind ourselves.

(disclaimer/clarification for the socially anxious: as always, this is just me in my brain, and not meant to be taken on by anyone outside of my brain! its come up in a variety of online & offline spaces over the years, and like other dysregulated responses, my reaction is for me to balance)

I get really weird when someone else says stuff to me that I used to advocate-- it's an ambivalence thing, on one hand, I'm happy for others learning and carrying the message on, especially being heard. on the other, it feels sort of bad to be reminded that I knew the things and shared the things, and mostly people would listen and the proceed to disregard until they heard it from someone who better fit their personal biases.

I'm aware of many things that mean I'm someone people tend not to listen to; it's why I stopped writing advocacy posts. the cost of effort is far too high for something that doesn't have much, if any, positive effect, and will have a positive effect coming from someone who is not me. knowing things quietly is ok, sometimes I hand useful info to someone who can say it better or louder or in place where it will have impact, and I don't need to be attached to it.

I guess this is ego, the part where I'm still miffed that when smth happened in my voice it wasn't worth anything, but the same thing holds value coming from a different, more generally socially acceptable [saner according to perception, abled or less perceptibly disabled, less poverty, more desirability, less overt queerness, less overt anything, etc] voice.

I don't like to feel contempt, in general, I try to dig into it and pull the corners of my compassion out from under it when it comes up.

I find that really overwhelming biases and double standards are especially challenging for me.

I'm working on shit. as always.

looks like it'll be a while before much creative stuff happens, so whatever webshop stuff is backburnered. I could probably do 1 by 1 commissions/clients, though piercings are already booked up for the next 3 "when I am able to"

(just. really not able lately. so many kidney stones. the infection is gone, at least!! but new stone is bigger so they want me to catch it and bring it to them if I somehow pass it before my next appt for them to look at it. what a party.)

/long rambling update

if u have good painting stuff vibes, that is rlly what I wish to be doing, instead of lying in bed melting my brain with 75¢ payout surveys and games that are basically like... fake gambling, or bejeweled with zombies and ridiculous military propaganda, for what works out to about $1/hr in giftcard form. (like I have made almost $100 this month by grinding these apps, but if I could get out of my bed more than twice a week, I want to make art again so badly)

#personal #life stuff #brain stuff

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