#but i still worry a lot 😭

[burnhamandtilly]

finally scored another job interview after MONTHS of looking for it, so why am I hyperventilating just thinking about it????

#why is my brain like that??????? i hate it here #maybe I'm just really afraid of fucking this up 😭 #but it's definitely out of my hands.. they will either like my work or not. i can only do much to influence that. #but i still worry a lot 😭 #incurable anxiety disease lol #don't kind me I'm just venting out #anny.txt

[starboysbrainrot]

i’ve been rewatching the maze runner movies and rereading the books in the past weeks and now my brain can only focus on them

#the maze runner #tmr newt #tmr thomas #newtmas #tmr newtmas #tmr fanart #fan art #boys in love #imagine being a stupidly angry protagonist in a dystopian novel with a very concerned and worried bf #yeah yeah still in denial after the death cure #like after every damn rewatch #anyway I had a hard time rereading the books #idk they weren’t as good as I remembered them 😭 #but well I’m 19 #maybe it’s just because I’m not the target audience anymore #anyway had a lot of fun with these #tmr #my art : tmr

[ghost-proofbaby]

hey y’all!

so i’ve been considering this a lot in the past few weeks, and figured i’d make an official post so you all know i’m alive and what not since i have been very much inactive as of recently.

i’m taking a break.

not forever! not because of anything in the fandom! this break is solely due to personal life reasons and the fact i just can’t be as active on here right now between my jobs and personal affairs. and it also won’t be long — i’m going to be off here probably through the end of november. if i have the time/mental capacity to come back before then, i absolutely will 🖤 but right now, tumblr isn’t something that fits easily within my days and also, writing for my fics hasn’t been something i can easily do not due to lack of inspiration but lack of time.

again, this is just due to my own personal life currently. nothing happened in the fandom that motivated this decision (i honestly don’t even know what’s happening on here currently solely because i haven’t had the time to scroll lol) and it’s very much not permanent, and will HOPEFULLY be very short. like i said, until the end of november. i’ll still be writing in my free time, and my hope is to be able to update fics once i’m back and worse better than ever! 🖤

see y’all in december <3

#in the great words of miss swift — it’s been a long time coming #idk if i’ll be around to check my inbox either 😭 #if you have my discord i’ll still be active there no worries haha #i can’t wait to come back and see what y’all have been up to it’ll be fun #also my queue is officially empty after today so like genuinely there won’t be any posts sorry everyone #putting me first 🫡 #saying that feels ridiculous #THIS ALL FEELS VERY DRAMATIC i’ve just got a lot of antsy anons recently #is antsy the word? anxious? idk #see y’all on the other side though my friends #and if i need longer than the rest of this month i’ll make another post #life am i right?

[yohankang]

i officially resigned today :')

#i still have to work there bc i've got a one-month notice period. but i did it!!! #the conversation with my boss went well! she was really nice and supportive #she said she was worried about me bc she could tell i was struggling. and that she understands my decision #and in case i won't find a new job this month they can extend my contract #i cried a lot 😭 #and now i'm terrified and sad bc i really love some of my coworkers and i don't want to leave them #but at the same time i'm SO relieved. i feel like i will be able to sleep well tonight. for the first time in weeks #k.txt #also sorry guys i've been mia. and sorry for not answerings your messages #but between working full time searching for a new job doing final assignments for uni and crying. i honestly don't have any energy left #i only logged in to tell you the big news :') and now i'm back to my assignment :( see ya in a week when my exam hell is over

[ox1-lovesick]

hi

#life update nobody asked for lol #I missed you guys my pookie wookie dookies #I deleted all my social media and life is so great wow #still a lot of mental health problems but I'm finally learning to deal with my emotions and not hate life (wow) #is it bad for me to say I'm so glad I left blr #I will probably never come back here lol but I think (?) today is txt's debut anniversary and since I am the self proclaimed empress of moa #downgrading to a flip phone actually #I unstanned txt and all the kpop peoples too (SHOCKER) #I do feel really nostalgic and sad when I think about them but I think it was the thing I needed most #delulu is infact not the solulu #daydreaming about beomgyu being the new student at my school and being soobin's bestie was never the greatest idea hey #it's so freeing to not care about them and focus on what's infront of me #if you need a sign to start growing out of kpop and start worrying about your own life here it is babe 😭 don't let anybody give you shit #Not to say kpop is bad or anything I just think for me it was getting a bit out of hand #As much as we all make fun of the delulus it's so easy to fall down that spiral when these idols constantly tell you they love you #The parasocial relationship was REAL istg these people felt like my friends #Hueningkai does not give a FUCK about me and he is so real for that #Thinking about deleting this blog but I'm logging off after this so I very well may forget it exists again #But I just wanted to share what's been going on #And I miss you guys a lot #I may have outgrown kpop and tumblr but you all still have a special place in my heart #I miss the good old days 😭 when discord let's me back in I might visit wme #Not much has changed with me but mentally I feel like a whole new person #But I hope you all are doing GREAT #Living your best lives and doing things that make you happy #You owe it to yourself more than you owe these celebrities anything #xoxo savie 😝🤟🤟🔥🔥🔥

[qrevo]

So. Cat came out, I feel like Kazui ALSO wants to come out, and I need to talk about it.

(Spoilers for Cat) (Also TW: suicide mention)

First off, the style of the MV was great! Kazui going full crazy at the end was so cool. The song was a banger (as always). Now that we know he was a cop, some of his actions inside the prison make sense, like protecting the attacked prisoners, and trying to punch Es in the first trial.

My main guess now, going by enerything we have (MVs, VDs, Timelines) is that Kazui is a closeted gay man (or maybe aro/ace), and never had any real love or attraction towards his wife, only platonically at most. On the VD he says "I can't live unless I lie. That's how I was born...", and seeing as Japan has some big problems with homophobia, this really strikes off as him trying to hide this side of himself so that he can live a peaceful, "normal" life.

In that one timeline with Yuno and Mahiru, they asked about his preferences, and then after he answered Yuno said that was total bullshit. What other reason would he have to lie about his relationship preferences?

Also, "Cat", or "Neko", is a slang used by gay people in Japan to refer to bottoms or submissive gays.

The white dove represents his marriage, since he transformed his marriage ring into the dove (right before doing an "I Love You" reference). That scene of him eating the bird can be interpreted as him finally telling the truth to his wife, who he really is, and suggesting a break or a divorce, ruining/destroying their marriage.

By what he said in the VD, Kazui didn't cheat, or at least it didn't reach that point. He also said that we didn't find out his true crime/sin, since our base assumption was cheating. He also said that she died when he stopped lying. Of course, these could be more of his lies, but assuming they aren't. The only thing that I can think of, that would make her so desperate to jump off the balcony, is that his love never existed in the first place.

So what happened, in summary, was: He married his partner in the police, Hinako, to try having a normal life and conform to society. The marriage was a lie to him, but it was real for his wife. He tried to repress that side of him, hoping it would go away, but those feelings he repressed only got stronger, until he realized he couldn't keep lying forever, and decided to ask for a divorce, coming out to his wife, before he reched the point of cheating. His wife got upset, as seeing that their relationship was a lie, that he never truly loved her like she loved him, and jumped off the balcony.

But there are still a lot of questions that weren't answered.

If he didn't cheat, WHO IS BAR GIRL?? Is she important? If she is, why didn't she appear in the new MV? Is she even REAL, or is she a fabricated memory, or an idea, or a metaphor??

Is that guy in the wedding really the bartender from half? If he is, that means he is important, somehow. Was he his childhood friend? Does Kazui have a crush on him? If so, in bar girl scene, was Kazui actually flirting with the bartender before she arrived? Is he the same man he was arguing with in that scene from half?

For now I'm planning to forgive him, but is that really the best choice? It appears that, when we forgave him in T1, nothing really happened, because we actually forgave his persona, the lies about himself, instead of his actual true self. If he wants us to expose his lies, maybe an unforgiving veredict would be what he wants?

But also, if he is unforgiven, he won't be able to help defend other prisoners from attacks. We need to be careful when voting, as Milgram is starting to look like a strategy game where the goal is keeping all of them alive.

Anyways, going to listen to Cat for like. 3 days straight. Or 3 days gay, if that fits the theme better.

#milgram #kazui mukuhara #mukuhara kazui #milgram theory #HE IS SLAYED SO HARD #def one of the top 3 songs from T2 #kazui simply flying off the charts in my character tierlist #i still think there are a lot of lies that we didn't uncover #and i'm kind of worried it will be too late when we uncover them #i have a feeling T3 is going to be brutal #i don't want my blorbos to die 😭😭 #qrevo.txt

[reineyday]

here, have an excerpt of this mishanks fic that i just got back into writing (i wrote a lot of it back in feb). it's a bonded dreams au, but they don't realize for a long time that it's really them haha. :)) they are 11 and 15 in this snippet, and shanks is a lil hawkeyes fanboy. 🦅🗡

#rei rambles #rei writes #mishanks #akataka #so much of this fic is just meandering cuz i wrote a lot of it when i was occupying myself on planes or in airports #so like. if i had to draw the tension of this fic as a graph it'd basically be a straight line lmao. no tension only vibes. #but it's so much longer than im used to my fics being. #anyways i suppose i could use a distraction from worrying about my hand as well. #my doc apt is next week so im trying to save drawing for my most mandatory deadlines. #i already took last week off hoping it was just a one-time strain thing but my hand complained so loud after my draeing sesh yesterday 😭😭 #so on break it is! hopefully whatever it is is manageable and i can still draw everything i want to when i want to 🥲🥲🥲

[aqqleshiqqing-archive]

i hopped on call with my friends today and had a lot of fun hanging out with them 🥺 bee drew a fuckton of shit i have to share them....

kevin's here because milo and i expressed our hype in watching the next spooky month annual episode and ofc kevin my beloved was worth mentioning SHHDDGSHEJEZ i miss him so much I wanna go back to him <3

maroon belongs to bee and clear belongs to nero! they have such wonderful goofies <3

#while i was on call i realized i had a growing fever developing but being with you guys made me feel less dizzy 😭 #idk why im getting sick a lot lately kinda worried #but aside from that!! #guys look at bees drawings pls hes so talented i love it!!!! #im actuslly so happy man #yesterday was so exhausting but i got this all for free and im just akskdjjdjddjjss thank you!!!!!! #and you guys ofc are all so goofy ily #fucking explosing at the painted steven drawing RAAAGGGH HES SO HANDSOME #i caj finally see chonky red HSHSHAHDHAHS HES SO HANDSOME WIWIWIWIWIWIW #it was also really fun watching bee draw irl because i really adore her style #YEAH ANYWAYS!!! YOU GUYS MADE ME FEEL BETTER TODAY LOVE U #pokespe parents #~ lovely gifts #bee tag #nero tag #milo tag #<- still mentioning u just cuz <3 #♥️ memoryshipping #♥️ appleshipping #jaide (mangaverse).insert #jaide (gameverse).insert #ill go mention kevin too why not hehe #kevin.crsh

[bunnihearted]

🏥🦷

#damn my teeth on my left side reallyyyyy fkn hurt #last night it started hurting so bad i couldnt fall asleep #i took some regular over the counter pain pills nd they brought down the pain a bit #so it at least didnt hurt as bad as it did first #but now after sleeping a few hours it still hurts :// #idk what to do... bc i've googled but it is like impossible for me to know what this is. could be anything rlly #nd w physical health stuff im not as terrified bc i can just go to the ER. when i was there it only cost $15 lol #but dental care is so fkn expensive i dont even have that in my account #anyway. i could get an 'urgent appointment' which i get financial aid for... probably. thats the thing. it's not 100% certain #idk what i should do bc like i could wait it out nd see if it'll pass nd then wait on my appt the 6th may #or maybe i should call my dentists nd ask them what they think nd if they can give me an urgent appt.. #i hate calling tho. i know that sounds ridiculous esp when im dealing w pain but my avpd makes it so so hard for me. i'd almost rather not #if i was smart nd normal thats what i would do. just call them nd see what they decide for me. maybe i'll wait nd see nd call tmrw.... #nd idk abt the pain. like it rlly hurts but it isnt extreme i think.. but when i press one tooth it hurts a lot nd makes me worried it's #dying 💀 nd like u can actually die from teeth pain nd complications... nd infections nd stuff. it's scary af 😭 #idk if my tooth is dying nd i need to contact a dentist rn or if its smth that can wait for a bit #i mean if i had a job nd a salary i'd book an appt for tmrw nd get it checked but i have to discuss w myself bc i cant afford lol #ugh this is the reason im terrified of dental problems. the pain is awful nd theres nothing u can do if you're poor #my head keeps spinning idk what i should do abt this 😭 i csnt make up my mind. just want it to go away on its own but i know it wont #nd it hurts so that i can barely sleep or eat or concentrate. so i rlly dont know..... #oh if only things were easy

[seraphicalsuccubus]

ARTHAS!!!

Such a cute lil cat, such a great name!

Also happy early birthday! Hope all is well

AHHHH I KNOWWWWW !!!!!

I think it’s very fitting for my sweet little flame point menace boy 😌 I will raise him to be the most powerful Lich King, as his namesake has prophesied, I promise y’all. I do wish I was able to afford to buy his sister along with him though, she was a beautiful little chocolate tortie point Himalayan so she was all mottled at her points with light brown and cream and ugh !!!! and I would’ve named her Calia to match with him 😩 she really was the cutest little thing but I’ve been looking for a flame point boy for AGES so I decided I would pick him of the two since I couldn’t afford both. 🥺 I’ll get a little tortie point girly eventually, maybe once I’m finally out of Connecticut because they’ll be MUCH cheaper and WAY easier to find lol

and oh, thank you, it’s still a week away though haha so you’re very early !!! but you’re very kind, thank you !!! 🖤

#the lady did knock $100 off her asking price for him tho ?? because she said I was so kind and lovely lol #but like she even dropped him off to me (she lives like only 15 mins away) so I gave her an extra 40 from what she knocked off #to like compensate her for being so nice since I planned to spend the extra hundred on him anyways #but I wish I could’ve got them both 😭 I hate separating kittens but this boy was EXPENSIVE so I couldn’t get more than one unfortunately 🥺 #I still love him dearly tho and I am going to cherish this little scourge monster boy forever #and I bought him lots of supplies and toys and a new litter box just for him bc the one for my girls is too tall for him lol #he’s already a v spoiled lil boy don’t u worry !!! #ask

[dootznbootz]

oooh yeahhhh. like. they must have heard about the things he'd done in troy. But have they heard all of it? Have they heard of Palamedes, the Thracians and the countless other people? Will they still see him as the same man? Do they still care about him? Are they still waiting for him? No, no - he is the same man,, he must be. he must be the same man. He needs to get to them. He is convincing himself that he is the same. He needs them.

We love self-doubt on a tuesday don't we

Heads up, I am probably the most off track I've ever been because I'm just all over the place right now :'D Hope you don't mind. I DO make a point but it takes a long time to get there. I was just... a LOT of thoughts and it's kind of all over the palce. I'm really sorry 😅

YESSS!! I mean Palamedes dad DOES try to convince her that "Odysseus is bringing home a new bride" where she's like "You're trying to tell me, that my husband, one of the biggest simps to ever simp, is replacing me?? when he knows damn well that I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him??? You and your son are both scum. Get the fuck outta my sight."

HE'S STILL THE SAME MAN!!! He's just so...shattered. This is still the man who deeply loves his wife and son. Still the man who would do anything and everything for them. If they said "I'm cold" he'd get gasoline and matches to light the world on fire if that's what was needed. (very much "Odyssey version" haha as Epic is...Nicer? definitely WOULD still "trade the world To see my Son and Wife" but Epic is more..."Selfless"?? idk how to describe but you know. not as much of a "rude asshole" like he is in the Iliad especially (rereading it now, literally basically the only person he wasn't an ass to at some point were simply dudes he didn't have a lot of moments WITH in the Iliad haha) if he had moments with a person, he was a dick to them at some point. )

Like this is very much the same man. The man who made the wedding bed (and palace!) that meant so much to them! like, from what I know grooms WERE supposed to decorate their houses for their brides but not build an entire NEW one! Not MAKE A BED OUT OF A LIVING TREE!!! (Odysseus is canonically a hopeless romantic! Wedding Music when they reunite? the language used when he talks about her speaks to her? their bed and palace? LIKE?!?!? you cannot tell me this fucker wouldn't be into romcoms and disney movies He would still be like "just kill the villain" but he'd be all over the "romance" This is the same man who proudly declares himself as "Telemachus' loving father". He's still the man who is proud and cunning and a bit of an ass.

He's just...incredibly SCARRED. He's still there. That's what he's HOPING. He KNOWS he still loves them and is still so devoted. That's the Odysseus that they know. That's what matters, right? Right?! He LOVES them! He's trying SO hard. That's what matters, right?!

Penelope sees and knows this. but he doesn't yet and for once in his life he cares SO badly about what someone thinks about him.

Agamemnon calls him a coward? Tell him that Telemachus' loving father's head would be ripped off its shoulders before he's a coward.

Penelope simply vagues that their marriage bed is possibly gone? DISASTER! SOBBIGN! He's been STABBED!

That's "her Joy". That's her husband. No matter HOW he comes back. She will love him regardless because that's HIM.

Small thing I'm adding because it kind of has to do with it: I'm kind of one who loves the idea of Penelope hating songs about him in the war because of "That's not my Odysseus" in a way. ( I mean it is. but it's a PART of him. That is his "war" side. haha. She knows this and is the same way.) And I think Telemachus telling her to not care is kind of showing how "Telemachus doesn't see the "father". He doesn't see the loving man he is capable of being. He just sees the "Warrior"" She KNOWS that Odysseus is so much more than that. But probably since Telemachus is surrounded by asshole men right now, he's probably clinging to "my dad was a hero and I can be too!" instead of "my dad pretended to be mad to not leave our side. My dad exposed his ruse simply to save ME. He made a bed out of a living tree for my mother out of love"

He's only hearing about his darkest parts and that's PART of the reason why this poor boy is hurting so much. So ANGRY.

#I guess you could call me “Everything. Everywhere. All at once” :'D OVERWHELMED BY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS #I might...rewrite this at a later point where I'm more coherent😅 #adhd is a bitch😭 I already have a hard time regulating my emotions and thoughts and me having a LOT of them makes it worse😭 #I fucking love this ask dude. it's so good. good thoughts/writing homie :D #and yes I love self doubt tuedays (actually funny enough. technically still monday for me but I know you're WAY ahead of me for time! :D ) #ask #nikoisme #shot by odysseus #honestly in the odssey. I think he KNOWS she wouldn't be “freaked out” by his “fucked up-ness” he was more worried about #“does she still love me after all this time? even after 20 years? has she found someone else? She KNOWs I wouldn't give up but... so long..

[cuterozhok]

I don't trust Google translate enough to tell me how to properly say something in Ukrainian but I hope this little doodle of Spring Man sporting some Ukraine colors and love brings you some joy

ZUKAAAAAAAA I'M LITERALLY GONNA CRY RIGHT NOW OH MY GOD 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

HOW ARE YOU SO FAST??!!! I'M HUGGING YOU REALLY TIGHT RIGHT NOW MAN IT'S THE MOST ADORABLE ART OF HIM!!!! 😤😤😤😤💕💕💕💕💞💞💞💞 Thank you so so much LOOK AT THIS CUTIE EVERYONE!!!!😭😭😭😭😭

Zuka youre the best I'm literally out of words

#I LOVE YOUUUU #THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN😭😭😭❤❤❤❤❤ #IT MADE MY DAY AND MY NIGHT TOO BECAUSE I WAS ABOUT TO GO TO SLEEP BUT THEN I CHECKED TUMBLR AND THERE IS HIMMM #I can't describe how happy I am right now I REALLY CANT #He looks so sweet and kind oh my God I love him with all my heart😭😭😭❤❤❤ #His smiling kind face always fills me with an energy and motivation to never give up! #It really helped me a lot during the toughest times and I'm so happy to see him again 🥹🥹🥹🥹💞💞💞 #MY BOY!!!! #Also even if you write something not very properly by the Google translator that's not a problem at all so don't worry!! #I understand it's hard with another languages but even if I see something with a small issue or smth that still will make me very happy! #So all of you are free to write something even from Google translator if you want to hehe That's all good!! #spring man #Ukraine #friend's art #arms #arms nintendo #arms game #ctr ask

[daz4i]

uh oh i think my laptop's officially dead

#i really hope not. but. the keyboard stopped working suddenly 😭 #idk maybe i turned smth off accidentally?? idk if that's even possible #I'm trying to restart it now but it's going. very slowly. which is also worrying #even holding the off button isn't doing anything. shit #it was so sudden too??? it was actually still working like i could use the mouse and it was playing music #this is so weird I'm so scared 😭😭😭😭😭😭 #it's like 5 years old man don't do this to me 😐😐😐😐😐😐😐 #update: well it's not turning off so i took the charger out and hope it dies from a lack of battery power soon #and then I'll plug it back in and see if it helps 😔 #i THINK it happened before?? like that it didn't turn off and i had to wait for the battery to drain first #I'm so worried i really hope it doesn't die 😔 it'll break me mentally i fear. #(yes it's an object but like. i need it man. and it has a lot of my stuff there. and a lot of distractions from the fact I'm alive) #bro why is this taking so long #usually when i use my laptop and it's not actively being charged it dies within 5 minutes #it's been over 10 now and it's still going?? now?? when i actually WANT it to die?? #:/ think I'm gonna leave it alone for now hhhhh whatever. I'm very anxious but there's not much i can do besides waiting anyway

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

yknow i have a lot of aus in my brain but the one currently spinning in my lobes is a stardust au. like. honestly it really works both ways like. i feel like thematically it's probably more appropriate for ted to be the star, changing trent's life forever, but my first thought was like. michelle asks ted to bring her a star, because he's always trying so hard to please her and she needs space and he will literally pluck a star from the sky if it means making her happy--only instead he finds a man where that star fell (he's beautiful, but ted tries not to notice) who's rather disgruntled with being on the ground, suddenly. and like. idk man i'd have to watch the movie again to really get into this au either way but i am just spinning it. slowly rotating it.

#like i appreciate that star!ted probably makes more sense but i just have this like #really really strong mental image of trent half on the ground #hair in his face and disheveled and in a crater and so far from home so alone. and he's just. glowing. shining #anyway there'd be a lot of logistics to work out--presumably michelle and ted are already divorced or can somehow work that out BEFORE #the whole burgeoning romance #and like. how do the kids fit in? i can definitely make henry fit but would crimmlet 😭 #this is stupid probably but i just have the image of like when theyre with teh sky pirates #trent--a STAR--coming across a little stowaway #and yes that whole montage of like. swordfighting + dancing + bonding with the pirates but also trent. accidentally acquires. a daughter! #a whole daughter. that's an entire child #but like. this is beginning to really skew from the actual plot of stardust but that's okay i'm going off vibes #so like. trent is falling in love (something something star falling from the sky?) and he knows that ted is tryin gto bring him back #to the person he really loves #that he's a catalyst for ted's happiness but not the cause #and he expects ted to let him down gently #and like. he imagines a million ways it'll go and in the best ones ted still worries about him and wants to be his friend #and trent tells him not to worry because he doesn't want to go back to the sky anymore. he has a little girl to look after. #so they can still be friends. (and trent's okay with that! really!) #never in a million years does he think ted will choose him #also from michelle's pov this has got to be wild. you tell your ex husband you'll consider trying again if he brings her a star #bc that's insane but it'll get him off your back for a while #and then he comes back with some guy with fabulous hair and is like #good news! i found the star. bad--or. weird? weird news! i'm in love with him. #like. alright. that's one way to secure the divorce. cool. #oh so henry has a sister now? interesting. cool. cool cool cool. hey ted remember our therapi #like ted isnt actually trying to get michelle back you see hes trying to get NORMALCY back #his family with henry his happiness etc #and trent and co (THE PIRATES ARE THE PLAYERS ARENT THEY DKFJNFK) help him realize he cant go back #but he can go forward #tvtcau

[seiwas]

SEL SEL I AM EYEING THAT EXES TO LOVERS BAKUGOU WIP SOOOO HARD RN 👀👀👀👀✨️

based off this post i made on my wips!

hELP the way you all went 😳👀 at the bkg wip 😭 (tbh i get it... he's so cute... i miss him all the time...) @willowser @kedsandtubesocks @acerathia

i consider this fic my love letter to bakugo 🥺

i say that because, i think this fic will bear a lot of how i view bakugo under the themes of regret and reconciliation (something i really want to explore with him!) & i think the exes to lovers trope lends well to that!!

it's set in canon, so pro-hero!au (because idt i'm very creative with au's 🤧) & takes place around his mid-20's! you start dating fresh off ua after working together during an internship. there's definitely a connection, and bakugo definitely has a crush, but of course he's not going to say anything—even when everything about your dynamic is shifting into something more than just friends.

you admit to the feelings first, but don't put a label on it, convincing him that nothing really has to change anyway from how you've already been acting. bakugo can't take the ambiguity though, and probably says something like 'so we datin' or sum shit?'.

then he breaks up with you 2 years later. it's a lot of things piled up til the trigger point and what sucks is that it's all him. there's nothing really wrong with the relationship—in fact, it's good. but there are a lot of things he still regrets, and even more things he hasn't fully forgiven himself for. he projects that a lot onto the relationship and where it's going, and he just thinks, he won't be good for it, or you.

you respect it, and the saddest part is you still work closely together so you see each other a lot and the dynamic is still so good. as in, he passes you by the hall and his shoulders relax, the creases between his brows smoothening by memory—your habit of flattening them down with your fingertips. and it goes on like this for a few years as he attempts to work through things on his own (in a way, he's kinda forced himself to confront everything) until it's an achingly slow realisation that there's still something missing (you).

sidestory! i was actually just contemplating on scrapping this entire thing, bc i didn't feel super confident with my grasp on him and the direction i wanted to take w his characterisation (especially since i think he'll be mellower, maybe a bit sadder and frustrated instead of angrier?). but!! i think, there's a lot to unpack with him, and i feel like i tend to gravitate towards the softer parts of a character when i write them anyway 🥺🤧 i am hoping!! crossing my fingers!! that i bring justice to writing him this way 🥺

this idea came from a set of songs i put in a playlist bc they felt very ~ex-bkg (whatever that meant at the time 😭) but this is probably what's influencing the tone too sdjhgbadj

and a very small snippet!

#THE WAY I GOT SO SHY WHEN I SAW UR ASK WILLOW OMG JSHBDGJSADF I ASSOCIATE BKG WITH U SO MUCH 😭😭😭 #AND ERIKA. THE WAY MY JAW DROPPED. HELPPPPPPPPP the gojo server is going into disarray over light haired men #and ru! how sweet of you to come by and ask abt it too 🥺 #i didnt want to get super into the nitty gritty bc its a lot of character analysis that i am still hashing out in my head!! sdjhgbsajd #but it's regret and reconciliation with himself as much as it is for the relationship !!! #omg i am so nervous sharing this rAI NAO sadhfbasjdf everytime i think abt my characterisation of him i worry its ooc.... #I feel like this is a bit self-indulgent that way sdhbsadj #anyway thank u to augustine for reviving this sjahdbgsajd if i didnt talk abt this with augustine i think i'd have trashed it #and dilly and soph for reassuring me 🥺 #and niku for being there everytime i have characterisation worries jhsdbgajsd #ask #rep #willowser #kedsandtubesocks #acerathia #willow.🌱 #erika.🦇

[whumpyourdamnpears]

when I get bored, I like to look at self-publishing and the work associated with it. finding out it’ll take $9k+ to self-publish was not it

#yes I COULD self-publish for cheaper #but for edits and sensitivity readers (the most expensive of the bunch) and a book cover #it’ll cost a LOT #😭😭😭 #I don’t know why I’m worrying about this rn it’ll take me years before anything I’ve written is ready to be self-published #but still #how the hell am I gonna afford that? #maybe if I get a big girl job someday it won’t be as bad #but 😭😭😭