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sunshine-jesse · 5 months

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The Incest End is Not The Bad End, Part 3: The Only End I Know For Real

Alt title: We're roleplaying the endings, not choosing them.

I've focused a lot before on how sickly sweet the chemistry between Ashley and Andrew is and how unproblematic their relationship would actually be under different circumstances, mostly societal ones. I mostly did so to counter the idea that the incest end was primarily a bad end and bring up the assertion that it was the one with the most hope. In doing so, I basically interpreted all of the text within the game in a very positive light, giving off the impression that I think it'll be all sunshine and roses. The reality couldn't be further from the truth? While I think it's the end with the most hope, I ALSO think it'll be incredibly difficult for everyone involved.

As a matter of fact, I think the Questionable end will be the most difficult one to navigate through for Ashley herself.

"But wait," you say, alarm bells ringing in your head, "doesn't she literally fucking die in the Decay ending?"

And I don't think it's that obvious.

First off, why do I think the Questionable end will be difficult to navigate through? After all, Andrew is calm, collected, and Ashley is just a little bit nervous about how he's changing. She also has that ultimate leverage over him, knowing that he's sexually attracted to her and she can use it to keep him by her side. There's little for anyone to worry about, right? Well, no. Not really. As another analyst has pointed out, in the Questionable ending, Ashley has no OTHER leverage over Andrew.

The trinket? Shown to be only situationally useful to them. The future visions don't always show danger, sometimes the demon can just troll them. Sleep? No, he no longer needs Ashley for that. A scapegoat? Not even that. In the Burial ending, he starts to take responsibility for the violence he inflicts on others and has no need to pin the blame on Ashley.

Outside of sex, Ashley is more or less useless to him now, at least in her own mind. Truthfully, Ashley is still the most important person in the world to Andrew and doesn't seem to need a reason to keep her around anymore, but Ashley doesn't realize that; it's part of why she's so confused and uncertain. Their dynamic is changing, and she doesn't like it. But in the Questionable ending, all Andrew has to do is not have sex with Ashley (easier said than done if the fanbase [myself] is any indication) and she'll have nothing left. She'll likely have no other choice but to look inward at this point, especially if Andrew doesn't give off any of the usual red flags that make her think he'd leave her.

There's a good chance at this point that their dynamic will flip entirely. Ashley will be the one who needs comfort, and Andrew shows every indication of being emotionally stable enough to provide it. We'll see some Real Mental Illness instead of Possible To Infer But Maybe Problematic To Do So Mental Illness. Whether or not she changes for the better or worse will likely determine the ending we'll get.

…

Except probably not.

Sane vs Questionable can't be THAT different, or we'd be getting 3A, 3B, 3C, and 3D instead of 3A and 3B. And, y'know what? Now I'm gonna start reaching really hard into theory territory rather than just analysis. So, hear me out here.

Both dreams are canon no matter the ending. The only difference is whether or not Andrew sleeps or not; if he does, the vision he gets is for HIM, and Ashley only incidentally sees it. It's much more important to him than to Ashley, because Ashley doesn't get a clear vision like she did in the motel. If them fucking was actually relevant to Ashley, she likely would've seen it no matter the ending. Her reactions reflect this; at first, she appears weirded out, maybe uncomfortable. Then she finds it hilarious. She considers it as a means of manipulation, sure, but the writing is on the wall: She won't NEED to do so no matter what.

Unfortunately, due to her not being able to open both doors, she won't be able to realize this. Oops!

At this point in time it's basically impossible to ascertain what her own personal vision means. I've given my interpretation before, but I ultimately have my doubts that the specific sequence of events is all to relevant. Most weird dream metaphors are clear parallels to past events, but the dream seems to be a metaphor for what the future will hold. The most relevant part is not the ghosts, but instead how Ashley reacts to what is clearly Andrew's soul. She jokes about trapping it in the bottle, but it being as a joke more than anything is a far cry from how desperate her attempts to keep him normally seem. So what gives? What does this mean?

I think, funnily enough, the Decay ending holds the answer.

My most-distanced-from-a-literal-or-metaphorical-reading-of-the-text-but-is-relatively-easy-to-accept theory is that the choices we are given in the game aren't asking us what we want to see from them, but rather, how we see the characters and their relationship. People are distracted by the idea of choice, but the reality is that we're being asked to roleplay (this is an RPG after all) as the siblings and do what we expect them to do. This isn't about choice. This is about BEING them and DOING WHAT WE THINK THEY'D DO.

Here's what I mean.

If we interpret Ashley as having trust in Andrew and his judgment, then it makes perfect sense she'd trust him with her parents. She might be a little worried, but it's pretty clear that her overwhelming desire to keep Andrew by her side is underscored by genuine love and trust. From there, if we interpret Andrew as having genuine love for his sister and a desire to take care of her, then it becomes everyone else's problem that they can't be together; not his. In killing their parents, he comes to terms with this and self-actualizes. He's willing to take responsibility for the violence he inflicts on others and has no discomfort with dismembering them.

But if you interpret Andrew as viewing Ashley as a burden and a problem, he can't bring himself to save their parents and have a better life because he views himself as too far gone. He hates himself as much as Ashley hates herself for being unable to break free from her influence. He still feels like she's his responsibility, but the love that exists there is greatly muted and overshadowed by his sense of responsibility and a carnal, physical desire for her. Knowing this is likely part of the reason he hates himself; part of the reason he can't let go.

He, crucially, also squanders Ashley's genuine display of trust. It's HIS fault that things break apart, which is why the skull appears over his head when you accept the mom's offer. Ashley genuinely, seriously loves Andrew and wants what's best for him. She's posessive, but her care is a lot less selfish than Andrew thinks, and he can't see that because he's too blinded by his hatred and (partially sexual) frustration to see who she really is.

On the other side of things, if you view Ashley as being a primarily toxic influence that views Andrew as more of an object than anything, she doesn't trust Andrew to deal with their parents and it's HER fault that things break apart, as the skull appears over her head. She sees him as an object, as a child or toy. She sees him as Andy, not Andrew, and can't process the fact that he can change. It's very overbearingly maternalistic, and I believe this specific choice is the only one where Ashley is actually more like their mother than Andrew, eye colors be damned.

In Burial, she wants to share the vision with Andrew, and he wants to share it with her, because their feelings are genuine and mutual and they want to share the experience (because they might get two visions from it, sure, but the principle isn't that much different) But in Decay, she keeps it to herself. She doesn't trust him or his input, either because she doesn't view his feelings as important or because he either almost squandered her trust (if she was listening in), or because he was generally hostile and disincentivized her from wanting to share.

There are other examples too, like when we're allowed to control Andrew to kill the hitman. If we view him as unprepared or unwilling to kill, we empty the whole clip because he's nervous and doesn't want to do this. If we view him as prepared, calm, and in control, he kills in one clean shot without much of an issue. Washing the [REDACTED] out of the shower drain? We basically get to see if Ashley is actually all that competent at housework or not, and if we don't know the right order, neither does she.

This comes to a head in both of the endings.

In the Questionable ending, we're shown that Andrew slept through the dream. We see what he really wants and the depths of his true feelings. He has very obvious romantic feelings for Ashley, and it's not just physical desire. Ashley's very obviously obsessed with Andrew still, but the fact that he can be present in every painting shows that she ACTUALLY views him that way. She's not just seeking validation; her feelings are real, and she knows it.

Remember, this dream is SHARED. We are seeing how BOTH of them feel.

In the Sane ending, Andrew isn't present, and Ashley is never given a chance to view their relationship as anything other than platonic. We don't know how Andrew feels, and we're arguably never given a view into Ashley's true feelings either, because that would-be revelation is cut off by a vision (indicated by eyes). We're just shown what she should do, needs to do, or will do.

Because we don't view their relationship as romantic, light is never shone on the reality of their dynamic. We never see how obsessed Ashley really is (if anything, we're being misdirected by being shown the opposite), and we never see that Andrew has romantic- if buried- feelings for Ashley that can't just be passed off as carnal physical desire. But since it's still the Burial ending, the dynamic still clearly exists; the endings would be too different otherwise. We CHOSE how we see their dynamic in the basement scene.

In other words…

Without love, the truth cannot be seen.

Reader who is in the know: "…hey wait a fuckin' minute" Me: "MOVING ON"

At some point- probably early on- the Sane and Questionable endings have to converge. Andrew and Ashley will have to have the nature of their dynamic laid out for them in a way they can't deny, and the likely only difference between Sane and Questionable will be whether or not Andrew is surprised/embarrassed, or just goes "I guess that dickhead demon wasn't just tricking us after all" and then the route will proceed as normal. Whether or not they have sex will likely be determined by your choices in Chapter 3 itself rather than Chapter 2 with this in mind. Either way, I think Ashley will go through most of the chapter confused and uncertain and will be forced to develop as a person, for better or worse.

In the Decay ending, as said, we're shown that Ashley doesn't even attempt to share a vision with Andrew, so we get to see a vision where Ashley's frame of mind isn't one driven by mutual affection. In this route, we see Ashley constantly running from -something,- and given dreams are metaphors, I think it's reasonable to assume that it's showing us that Ashley is primarily motivated by a fear of Andrew. Fear of what, exactly, isn't really clear; we know for a fact that she's afraid of losing him, but she's also afraid of the violence he can inflict upon her. Either way, she runs away, we can see the demon say "hmmm how interesting," and then we get a vision of the future.

But it's important to note, that vision is a metaphor, not a literal vision of the future. It takes place in the dream world- unlike any other vision, which takes place in the real world- and there are no out-of-frame eyes in the CGs like there are in the Questionable route. Also, (albeit less convincingly), all the eyes are in the background rather than on the map themselves, like they are when we see the hitman vision. The eyes only exist in the background in the Sane vision too, further adding to the idea that they're a metaphor.

So. If it's not a literal depiction of what will happen, then what exactly is it a metaphor for? Okay. Hear me out. This is my wildest fucking theory yet.

It's a metaphor for the Burial route. Or rather, the kind of event that happened in the Burial route.

What we are being shown in the metaphor is a reconciliation of their relationship, where their true feelings are laid bare. We are put in a situation where they are forced to decide how they feel for each other once and for all. If Andrew holds all the power in the relationship but has no control or awareness of his feelings- represented by whether he was composed enough or not to unload his entire clip-, he unceremoniously kills Ashley. Without that awareness, Ashley cannot even defend herself. She has no control because she isn't dealing with someone who has any either.

(Whether he actually kills Ashley or just some abstract representation of Leyley isn't clear, but it doesn't matter much for the purpose of analysis.)

But if Andrew does have that awareness of his feelings- represented by only shooting one bullet- they can negotiate. Because Andrew is in control, Ashley is also in control, and she can make one of two choices:

She can choose to save herself (and either maintain the status quo or just fucking kill Andrew depending on how literal the vision is). With this choice, she lets her fear overtake her and discards Andrew- the cause of her fear- like trash. He is an object that only exists for her sake, after all, and she can discard him just as easily as he seemed like her could discard her during the strangulation scene.

She can choose to trust and accept Andrew. And given a heart appears over her head, she can choose to love him, and overcome her fear, even at the cost of either her life or their prior dynamic (once more, depending on how literal it is).

Decay is asking us if we think Ashley is primarily motivated by selfish fear or genuine selfless love. But both exist either way, and their relationship must be understood and reconciled at some point; this route might honestly be their only hope for a platonic good ending, but it's going to be dismal and painful either way.

So with that in mind, why is the gun not relevant to the Burial route (yet) if it's such a strong metaphor?

Because the reconciling event WAS the basement scene.

We had to make that same choice there. Was Ashley too afraid of Andrew's interaction with her parents to let him handle it? Or did she love and trust him enough to make that choice? In choosing yes, the ball in Andrew's court. If he chooses to care for her needs, their relationship evolves. If he or Ashley refuse make that choice, that can is kicked down the road, and their relationship continues to deteriorate.

Or decay, as it may.

But in Burial, with that reconciling event having happened, the ball is in Ashley's court. With Andrew having come to terms with many of his feelings (minus his sexual desire), most of his arc is finished. There's probably still a lot of him to unpack on the Burial route, but in the Decay ending, as long as Ashley shows love for him, the final choice always falls on his shoulders. And with his final choice having been made in Burial, all that's left is Ashley's.

And what final choice will she have to make?

I don't know, I'm not a prophet.

But either way, she'll still have to make the choice of whether or not to be ruled by her fear of losing him, and desperately try to grasp for control she no longer needs, or cast aside that fear and allow for genuine, mutual love to flourish. Think about it this way: When you see a corpse, how do you react? If you don't care for the corpse or fear it, you stay away and let it decay. If the corpse belongs to someone you love, you tend to it and bury it.

And what do I think the best case scenario is? Well, I've made my opinion obvious, but I think there's one final thing I need to emphasize:

You don't claw at someone's back like a wild fucking animal if you're not really into it.

#andrew graves #ashley graves #the coffin of andy and leyley #gravecest #tcoaal #tcoaal essay

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deafeninggardenerpanda · 1 year

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a while back on twitter i livetweeted my process with making my meta knight charm

im kinda going insane so i thought i would do the same thing here on tumblr for the new magolor charm im working on. its a lot of images so theres more + a Lot of general merch making commentary from me under the cut

despite being the easiest to make a concept of, with my very first concept sketch being the one i went with, this drawing has fought me every step of the way. the lor is self explanatory (damn you lor) but i had a lot of trouble with magolors proportions and shapes too. in the end i ended up going for something closer to the second sketch to be closer to magolors canon appearance

the lors oars ended up not being able to be as long as my initial concept sketch. i had them extend so high up for framing and to round out the shape of the charm a bit better. without them the charm ends up being really oddly shaped and unbalanced looking, so i added a vortex in the back to help round out the shape in the middle and on the right side. thats not the only reason i added the vortex though! in order to celebrate rtdldx coming out soon i wanted to make the back alt the new manager magolor outfit. because his hat extends into what would be a clear area on the front side (the gap between the lors window and the sail) i had to put something solid in that area if i wanted the alt side to work seamlessly

related to the physical specs, im planning on printing these on rainbow acrylic for the sole reason of i thought it would look really cool if i made the rainbow tech lines on the lor transparent on my artwork, so that the rainbow acrylics effect would shine through, instead of just painting the rainbow effect on the artwork itself. i went to a convention a few weeks ago and apparently rainbow acrylic and gradient colored acrylic charms are really popular right now, so i got a lot of inspiration from there

gonna be honest just drawing the lor alone has kinda burned me out LMAO. i was planning on making another new charm for this batch too initially, mostly considering marx since ofc those two go really well together as a pair but that design requires me drawing nova which No. second i was considering susie but that requires me not only drawing her mech, but doing it at a difficult perspective. and then theres taranza whos very difficult for me to draw in general and i still have not made any concepts ive liked for him so oops

it probably sounds kinda money grubbing of me to make Two magolor designs right as the rtdl remake is coming out, but hear me out first of all ya boys got deadlines to keep on (my manu has a discount that will expire at the end of this month) and i really wanted at least 2 new designs for this batch (plus i still need to draw up a new sticker design to make for freebies) so i wanted to make something a bit more simple, and if you know me, i fucking love elegant shit with frames and halos and that, so here we are. this will be a wooden pin based off this kirbtober drawing i did, which ive always loved. i had a very specific idea for this pin in mind but wood is apparently a finicky thing to work with by nature, so ill have to see if the specs allow. maybe itll be a colored acrylic pin instead?

might reblog this post in the future if id like to update with more progress. (i love that tumblr allows you to be wordy but Man i miss being able to have unobtrusive threads like twitter)

#IF THESE IMAGES APPEAR ONE AT A TIME INSTEAD OF SIDE BY SIDE LIKE I FORMATTED THEM #IM GONNA BITE SOMEONE #*gardening noises*#dgp merch adventures #my art

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thanksjro · 3 years

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More Than Meets the Eye #32 - Nobody’s Ever Actually Dead in Comic Books

Our band of merry guys-who-weren’t-on-the-Lost-Light-in-issue-#1 approach the shattered husk of the Lost Light, in a gruesome scene that is only slightly marred by the graphic design.

Font doesn’t really suggest danger, does it? Here, for comparison, is something I slapped together in fifteen minutes (including recreation of background) using a font I got off a free font site.

Now, one could say that my version is rather derivative, flat, and arguably cliche, but you know what else it is? Appropriate for the fucking mood of having found a destroyed, hemorrhaging ship after everyone you knew disappeared.

I’m available, IDW! Hit me up.

Theorizing that this is the ship that the Coffin Rodimus came from- remember that? It was a few issues ago- the gang flies in for a closer look. The ship blood is actually something called quantum foam, which allows for quantum space travel to happen. It’s not supposed to be outside of the quantum quills, but the ship’s pretty junked up, so it is.

Because the ship is so very full of holes, the gang can set down for repairs pretty easy. They land in Swerve’s, finding it in less-than-pristine condition. They also find evidence of Crosscut having gotten creative, as a poster for the play he was working on is hung up in the room. Considering he was still writing it when he disappeared, this might seem a bit odd. But then you remember that this is a ship from the future, and it stops being so odd.

Because this is a future ship, with evidence that Crosscut did some stuff, it stands to reason that, at some point, everyone is going to come back from being disappeared.

Just to die.

Which is a bummer, but one crisis at a time.

Megatron disembarks the Rod Pod, with Ravage following, and everyone is just a touch put off by the duo. Everyone but Nautica, who proceeds to commit a microaggression.

Nautica, that’s Soundwave’s father you’re petting like a common animal.

Ravage, angered by this over-familiarity, swats at her. Skids questions letting an active Decepticon roam around, but Megatron brushes off these concerns, saying that finding any still-living crew members is more important. With that, the search begins.

The gang splits up to look for clues, despite Riptide thinking this is a horrible idea. They’re on the clock for this one- the quantum foam is liable to explode if it touches anything, and there’s an awful lot of the stuff floating around right now.

Nightbeat and Nautica leave the rest of the group to their own work, seeing as Nautica has the most appropriate alt-mode for traversing the gaps in the ship.

Man, that’s pretty cool. Wish Nautica hadn’t been regulated to being “girl best friend” for her character arcs, I would have loved to see her do some neat stuff for her own development. Guess that’s what happens when you get introduced as main cast late, and have to compete with all the faves who had dozens of issues to be established and who also don’t have to deal with the whole “token girl character” thing.

The rest of the gang- Megatron, Ravage, Riptide, Skids, and Getaway- start looking in the area they’re already in. Seems a little lopsided, but whatever.

Ravage finds someone almost immediately, identifying Ultra Magnus through smell alone. Only, it isn’t just Ultra Magnus.

The Magnus armor lays not terribly far away, having had its hands cut off to prevent the recall signal from being activated before being gut-murdered.

Gut-murdered wiTH A FUSION CANNON, MEGATRON

Of course, Megatron was forced to destroy his fusion canon after it was decided he would be joining the Lost Light, but you can buy these things off the black market like it’s nothing. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if Brainstorm had a few stashed in his lab.

As it currently stands, nobody can trust the guy who has a storied past of killing Autobots, on a future ship where the only folks who could stop him are dead. Megatron, at least, has the good sense to not argue this fact, and suggests that the boys lock both Ravage and himself up until they suss out exactly what happened.

Meanwhile, over with Nautica and Nightbeat, we run through all the weird shit that’s happened in the last day or so.

Nautica, you’ve been on this ship for months now. How did you miss the fact that the only couple within 800 miles got annihilated by way of Phase Sixer? I feel like that attack might have come up at some point.

Since they’re on the subject of spouses, Nightbeat asks Nautica if she’s married, or if she has friends. Though noting that such a direct line of questioning might get him slapped with someone else, Nautica reveals that she is single, though she does have a best friend. Nightbeat is also single, probably because he pulls shit like this.

While this conversation is going on, Nautica uses her Sonic Screwdriver wrench to open a door with the literal push of a button. Brainstorm tricked out her wrench so hard it turned into a magic wand, which is good, because they’re going to need all the help they can get now that space is literally warping around them thanks to the quantum foam.

Nautica kicks something on the elevator, and that something turns out to be Brainstorm’s mysterious briefcase. Too bad Swerve is gone, he was so invested in what it contained. Luckily, Nightbeat is just as interested.

Back over on the other side of the ship, it seems as though Megatron kept his word about not resisting, as both he and Ravage have been locked in a cabinet. Wonder how that’s going for them.

Oh, better than I expected.

Ravage is fucking pissed that Megatron joined the Autobots, thereby turning his back on everyone who supported his cause during the last four million years. Despite this grievous betrayal though, the Decepticons haven’t stopped moving. Turns out, Galvatron’s in charge now.

But only if Autobot Megatron isn’t some sort of ploy.

It’s at this point that we learn just why Ravage is here to begin with- to see if Megatron’s truly given up the Decepticons, and if he has, to murder him. But first he’d like to know why this is happening.

Megatron views himself as a monster, having perpetuated a war that ended the lives of billions, destroyed the Cybertronian way of life, ostracized his race from the rest of the universe, and killing just to have something to do. He doesn’t like feeling this way about himself, so he decided to walk away from that life by joining the other team.

Don’t think it’s quite that easy to do, but okay.

Ravage isn’t so sure that this change of heart is going to stick, still convinced that Megatron will snap back to his old self with just a bit more time. Problem is, Megatron may not have a ton of that resource left.

Didn’t they build that body in like an hour so you wouldn’t die? Yeah, no wonder it feels as ill-fitting as a twenty-dollar suit. Thing’s probably made out of pig iron and duct tape.

The lights come on before further self-reflection can be done, and the duo realize that they’ve had guests this whole time.

Someone put the kettle on.

Obviously some fucked up shit happened on this ship. Megatron isn’t so sure that it’s him who did these dirty deeds, however, as he reaches into Ratchet’s mouth and pulls out his brain. Which feels like something that doesn’t really absolve one of guilt, but okay.

Also, ew.

Back with Nautica and Nightbeat, things are getting weird.

Now, this sequence might seem confusing at first blush, but this is because the laws of reality are collapsing around them. Going by clues in the background, we can find the proper, linear progression of time, and thus is conversation. This is what is actually happening:

With the mystery of Brainstorm’s briefcase eluding us once again, we move on to see more graphic aftermaths of violence. Poor Tailgate has been nailed to the wall with a chunk of a metal beam that’s almost as big as he is. The mood lighting for this scene is gorgeous, but I’ve hit my limit for exposing y’all to gore for this issue, so you’ll just have to trust me on this one. Then they find something even more interesting.

Who’s ready for Under Cold Blue Stars… 2!

Back over on the opposite side of the ship, Riptide’s found something nasty. It’s a bunch of dead bodies!

Including, uh, Pipes.

Who already died a while ago.

Hm.

All the bodies in this room are in their alts, and it looks like they’ve all been shot and drilled into, for some reason. Skids brings up that he had a friend who could identify the placement of any robot’s brain module just by knowing what they turned into. Then he reaches into a corpse to see what the drill-hole’s all about. It makes him sick, though maybe not for the reason you might think. He gets on the phone with Nightbeat, who’s called to tell them that they’ve found Overlord.

Still locked in his weird body harness.

And decapitated.

Megatron is on the other line, calling because he’s figured out the same thing Skids has. Someone paid a visit to this ship. Someone nasty.

The gang regroups, and Nautica gets the basics on the DJD, because I guess nobody’s mentioned them even in passing in the last six months, either.

God, what do they even talk about on this ship? Certainly not their feelings.

The reason that one room was filled with alt-modes was because of Tarn’s addiction to transforming; t-cogs are easier to remove when they’ve been used recently.

We get a quick 4/5ths-page gore-fest, then it’s back to making it all about Megatron.

Maybe you should have thought about that before you FUCKING DEFECTED, YOU POOL NOODLE.

Nightbeat’s beginning to put two and two together. There’s an Overlord in the basement. That shouldn’t be, because Overlord got exploded by Chromedome when he mercy-killed Rewind. Something is off about the past of this ship.

Before he can establish his MTMTE everybody-lives-but-then-dies AU though, the quantum foam fucks with the ship. These sons of guns need to get the hell out of here, pronto.

Oh god, what now?

Ravage smells someone inside the Magnus armor, someone who isn’t a part of the usual nesting doll lineup. Megatron reaches into the Crackerjack box and pulls out one hell of a prize.

HE LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVES

Chromedome would be so thrilled, if he still existed.

#transformers #jro #MTMTE #slaughterhouse #issue 32 #maccadam #Hannzreads #incoming analysis #text post #long post #comic script writing

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survivorsolomonislands · 7 years

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Episode 5 “I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON” -L.A.

Well I don't know what is going on with these other tribes, I'm confused how they went from voting a rookie to voting a veteran which makes me think I can't just rely on reconnecting with my veterans which means I might as well go ahead and lock in some alliances with the rookies on my tribe, who honestly I want out because they kinda annoy me. But I've learned a lot from my past experiences, I really feel like this is a redemption season for me, I have to suck it up sometimes that people rub me the wrong way, I have to play a game, lie to people, align myself with whoever will get me farther in this game. I'm not bringing the chaos this time I'm bringing the sneaky snaky self, hiss hiss. I've officially placed higher than 17th like I did last time which is good and right now I'm eager to make it to the merge so my game can really just explode and I can take control.

*SCREAMS* THAT WAS SO STRESSFUL, FUCKIN' HELL. AFTER I SAW MY NAME ONCE I WAS LIKE WELP I'M GOING HOME BUT NAH MONTY IS ACTUALLY TRUSTWORTHY. Looking back, I feel stupid for considering to work with Linus, but he was the person I talked to the most so I wanted to work with someone I liked. I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON. (that's a lie, i'll probably make a rookie mistake later on) But I can pretend I'm older and wiser for now.

I found out that Linus went home during my 11-hour to home from college today, so I was planning out some confessionals outlining my next-step strategies because Linus was a close and valuable ally for me in this game and someone I really liked, but I watched the Survivor episode I couldn't watch live as soon as I got home and... all I want to say is that this puts things in perspective for me, truly, about how this is a game, and the tears I cried tonight, in my opinion, will have a profound impact on how I will play out the remainder of this game. I was reminded in the most dramatic way possible how this is all a game. Especially being someone who has, at times, blurred the distinction between real life and game in things that I've said and done, I'm looking at things through a completely different outlook after what I just witnessed transpire on national television. This is a game. This is literally just an online game. I'm going to make sure that I keep people reminded of that, that the experience can be as fun and enjoyable for people as possible, and that should I come close to blurring the line between game and life again... that I think back to the raw emotions this evening incited among the Survivor community and I remember how low-stakes this all is. I hope that this experience brings all of us in this game together so that we may approach the remainder of the season with respect, passion, and fun. I'll get back to you on strategies when there are less tears running down my face.

https://youtu.be/Q1XPLeE__oc This one BETTER BE UNLISTED.

we won reward and slither.io is fucking terrible so fuck that and let's catch y'all up with my strategies Linus went home, which was truly a wake-up call. Linus was someone I trusted and someone that I was fully aligned with and vibed with, so losing him - potentially at, as Zakriah suspects, Monty's hands - was rough. I've been playing this game on Easy Mode; we've been on cruise control since Day 1, going to Tribal Council once where Chrissa self-voted herself out 10-0, and have been immune ever since. This is literally my longest immunity streak in Tumblr Survivor history - 3 rounds - and it hit me that I haven't even been playing. No votes, no alliance-building and strategic developments... I'd been just winning everything and not worrying about jack squat. And then I see that Linus' ass is gone and suddenly my ass is grass - I've got one less ally in this game. I got woke up real hard and have now attempted to get out of cruise control and start course-correcting. I approached Dana with all this, because she's my closest ally in this game, and she agreed. On my way home yesterday, I was planning it out - form positive working relationships with the rookies because, if we keep winning, why not feel good with them in a potential swap or merge? I was planning on getting info out of Willow, and striking a deal with Allie. Instead, after having more convos with Willow, I elected to strike a deal with her; it's not official, but we've both got each others' backs, which loosely means that we're working together. I'm happy that Willow is the one I've formed a stronger relationship with because I truly see Allie as the bigger threat; we can boot Allie if we need to, and I can keep Willow around as my Katie. In Malaysia, I had a great and honest partnership with Katie; we were each others' ride-or-die, Katie because I was loyal to her and me because I felt like I could beat Katie in the end. I've got the same vibe about Willow here. She can be my partner and extra vote to the end of this game where I'll beat her - it sounds good. Now, I wanted to form good relationships with both Allie and Willow for two reasons: if we keep winning they're good allies in the advent of an inevitable future swap or merge, and if we do lose, then they won't be targeting me. Now, should we lose, my thought was to get rid of bigger rookie threat Allie, and should we lose again, take out Karen; the Karen/Monty/Lexi obvious trio shouldn't have a chance to reunite, but at the moment Karen is still a number with me, even if we hardly talk. I could be convinced to oust Karen first because Allie, while a bigger threat, might offer more future connections for Dana and myself, while the only connections Karen has are to a well-known solid clique that may have already turned against the veterans. The time will come to decide that. Until future events come to pass, my head is now back and placed firmly and square on my shoulders. No more easy mode, no more cruise control, and hopefully more premeditated and beneficial progressions.

me: finds idol clue that says in no uncertain terms that the idol is in the plane wreckage me: checks the cute vets' idol hunting doc and sees that someone has already checked there and, presumably, found the idol me: what the fuck now i'm sAD me: checks the plane wreckage anyways me: ...............fINDS THEF UIEDHFCUIEWDHXJ FUCKING IDKJCIOKWDHFNCIWS IDOL HUDEUWSIDHXS JESS CHRIST

This is legit so fucking weird. In the google docs, somebody searched there... and if they did they should have the idol... but I HAVE THE IDOL???... So someone's fabricating where they're searching??? On paper, that kind of makes sense; lie about where you've actually been to hide places that you haven't searched and leave open places where you know it's not, so your alliance can search there and not find it. That makes sense. But this edit was literally the second edit in the doc. It doesn't make any sense at all how that edit is in there and i have the idol rn. I'm legit sketched the fuck out LOL but... I lied to Dana that i searched the pile of ash (lol) and that I found the clue that I really found days ago there, and she's on a tear now. On the topic of vets being shady, she thinks that Karen's out to get her. now that i've got the idol and am feeling ballsy... karen's a lot more expendable to my conceited ass now than she was when i was vulnerable. i'll take an idol, allie, and the risk of allie's people being out to get me over an idol, karen, and a trio getting allowed to reunite. letting karen stay definitively gives a clear-cut clique the chance to reunite. there's nothing clear-cut about allie, but even if there was unbeknownst to me, i've got the idol as leverage and protection. without that protection, i would've taken the known of karen/monty/lexi over the unknown quantity of allie's allegiance, but now... karen's ass is grass. But this is all conjecture. The immunity challenge is Jeopardy!, with only one tribe representing. Kendall and I fucking dominated this challenge in Malaysia and I'm optimistic that I could do so again, so I'm thinking our chances of going to Tribal Council this round are less than likely. But if we do... Karen :~) maybe u should've tried talking to me or dana ever lol

https://youtu.be/X8GKSbyfVX4

shitshitshithsit Im screwed ;_; ill try my best to try and create a legit looking fake idol but I dont see it working at all. Fuck you Mitchell!! Fuck you Ryan!!! and Fuck you Monty!!!! I hope you all get eaten by a bunch of crocodiles

mitchell: 2 tumblevivor jeopardy!: 1 :)

Okay so last night after we got the reward, I didn't get an idol clue, but I decided to look because it's smart to look every round. Anyway I went to the sunken ship again because me and Allie have been looking in there, and I went to the flooded control deck, and then to the old map, and I found a clue, I'm so excited! [Friday, April 14, 2017 12:22 AM] Isaac (Solomon Islands Host): <<< You pick up the map You notice something written on the backside Congratulations you have found the clue to the hidden immunity idol "While you want to be soaring and flying. These people did not and ended up dying"Isaac (Solomon Islands Host), Yesterday 12:22 AM I'm just really happy about finding this clue, because I think I know where to look now, but I'll just have to wait until next round. I told Allie about the clue and that she should look this round, so that we can find the idol faster, but I don't think shes looked yet. I'm just hoping whoever got the idol clue from the reward challenge doesn't find the idol before me and Allie. It's weird because at the beginning of this game I thought the idea of someone looking for the idol was crazy, but now I realize it's not, and I've been looking every round. On another note, Mitchell came up to me and told me that he got good vibes from me, and that he's got my back, which is really great because Mitchell is an awesome person, and hes someone that I really want to work with. To enable screen reader support, press shortcut Ctrl+Alt+Z. To learn about keyboard shortcuts, press shortcut Ctrl+slash.

Ok so Im ready to start throwing literally everything at the wall. I have a pretty cray cray move planned, hope it works out but atleast I would go down fighting.

Because Monty flipped on the vets - I already knew it, but Mitchell confirmed it after the jeopardy challenge - Aromal is screwed tonight and we got a rat in our midst. What Mitchell is thinking is since Monty is so quick to vote out a vet, we should scoop in Allie and Willow and take out some of his allies in a potential second swap situation. It's put me in a pickle bc I do want to work w Karen but I know I probably can't bc of the shit I've talked about Lexi already. So if worse comes to worst and we have to vote out a vet it'll be one of those three.

So while I am excited about winning immunity again I am kinda peeved that fricking Ulawa lost again and I can be expecting another vet to go which means the veterans are going to be down in numbers which I don't want because I want to be in a position where I can have both nuTemoana and the Veterans to work with, but if the rookies get the numbers than I may be at the mercy of the rookies in nuTemoana who I have been building bonds with slowly even though I will quickly get rid of any of them. I kinda wish Makira would like throw it or something because they have 4-2 over there and like again I find myself sitting back and waiting for the game to reach a point where I can be making moves and taking control. But if winning immunity every time is what gets me to the merge than I guess I'm okay with that because that would give me plenty of time to hide just how deceptive I can be.

So a lot has happened since the last tribal. Aro was our target - until he revealed that he has an idol, and showed us screenshots. Leaving us at a huge disadvantage, considering me, Monty, and L.A. have an alliance together and Aro is our only conceivable target. So Monty and I came up with a plan. Me and L.A. are voting for Aro, and him and Aro are voting for L.A. That way, if he plays his idol, L.A. goes home and not me or Monty (even though we don't really want her gone, at this point, we may not have a choice). And if he doesn't play his idol, me and Monty are the deciding votes and get rid of Aro instead. Our biggest worry is that Aro votes for Monty instead, meaning it ties between Monty and L.A., and then if Aro really wants Monty gone I have to make the decision of either voting out my closest ally, or going to rocks and risking myself. Actually no, if Aro plays his idol he'd be immune at rocks. So there's no way I wouldn't vote for Monty in that situation, because I'd be the only person pulling rocks. So really, this hinges on Aro doing what he's telling us he's doing, which is something really risky to bet on. I told Aro that I wanted to vote for L.A., just to solidify his vote for her. I really hope this goes as planned, and that Aro doesn't play his idol.

I need a better social game, coming into this game I knew it would be my tragic flaw and now I think I might go home because of it. It's already been established that Monty was unsure about me because we didn't talk a lot, and we don't. Daisy and I only became close-ish, after the Lily vote because we both felt in danger and needed someone to have our back but now she has an idol and better social game. The only person I talked to regularly, I voted out because I wasn't able to trust him and now I'm stuck with these people I am not close with at all and I get the feeling that they are close. Daisy and Monty seem to talk a lot and I'm not sure about Aro and where he stands. I feel like if I don't do something I'm going home tonight, Aro says he has an idol which I believe and Daisy and Monty are just saying lets vote Aro anyways, and it makes no sense. If he has an idol then he's going to use and since they aren't worried I'm clearly the target so now I have to do something to try and save myself. I'm worried about coming off paranoid, too aggressive, or untrustworthy but I have to do something, otherwise I feel like I'm just letting myself go home without a fight.

I talked to Aro, and basically told him everything. I wasn't wrong about possibly going home tonight, Daisy put my name out to him. Apparently, I'm good at challenges and that scares her. TBH, all I do is put effort in, I can go hard like I did with the word game, but besides that I haven't put that much effort in. I considered down playing when I first started but whats the point? I'd rather be seen as a strong challenge player rather than someone who doesn't try. At this point I can only hope Aro doesn't flip again, so we'll see how this all works out.

Okayyy I actually might have found an opening. Heres whats goin down tonight Daisy and Monty are voting me to try and flush my (very fake) idol. However they dont wanna be at the receiving end of my (very fake) idol so they told me to vote L.A . I figured out what they were planning and went straight to LA. We are now voting Daisy because she thinks both Daisy and Monty are voting for her. Oh and apparently Daisy has an idol too so if we manage to get rid of her we might send her packing with the idol. So the vote is gonna be 2-2 and L.A HAS to draw rocks or else Im screwed. PLEASE LET THIS WORK

okay okay me and LA are voting Monty not Daisy OH GOD PLEASE LET THIS WORK

I kinda feel bad for Ulawa since they've lost every immunity challenge. I'm also worried that after tonight's tribal there might be another tribe swap since Ulawa would be down 3 members (I think?). And if there is a tribe swap and I end up on a different "beach" then that'll be a little scary bc I'm so close to finding this idol. I know I used to complain about the first tribe swap but everyone on Makira has been really nice to me, even though I came into the swap down 4-2. Anyway I should I probably stop assuming that there might be a swap because I'll never know until it actually happens.

#thequeenstaysqueen

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artsaveslivesinternational · 7 years

Text

Sumayyah Talibah

Sumayyah Talibah, 37, from Michigan, in the USA – is a poet and jewellery artisan, who has chosen to write a poem for ASLI on discrimination in the USA. We are honoured to have Sumayyah’s voice in our 4th issue on discrimination, privilege and stigmatisation.

Here is our interview:

Can you tell us a little about yourself?

I am a Black woman from Detroit, Michigan who is an artist, wife, and mother.

What is your artistic/creative background?

I started writing at a very young age, completing my first “book” by age 8. I switched to poetry for years. I am also completely self-taught in the art of bead and wire jewellery.

What motivated you to deal with your chosen submission subject?

The current political climate (in the United States), while not new, is appalling and “in your face” following the campaign and election of our current Head of State. The things I personally experience, and the documented experiences of others, makes me wary, afraid, and angry.

danger

hands up laid down car stalled traffic stop cigarette in my hand leather wallet in my pants piece of fabric on my hair danger danger everywhere can’t walk can’t jog can’t pray can’t play can’t get enough clean water to get me through the day i’m a thug bringing terror i’m a welfare queen i’m the living legacy of the wished to be forgotten memory of misdeeds school to prison pipeline major sentence lesser crime handcuffed locked in inner city sanctioning i’m a long term prisoner of your blasted lies ripping right on through your rotted broken dream disguise my blood is flowing in the streets don’t you care? danger danger everywhere

What is your process when creating?

I listen to a lot of music, but so often, my art springs up, fully formed, from a random thought or news article. Typically, I just turn on a music streaming site, pick a station/playlist, then pick up my pen, my [jewellery] tools, or open a blank document on my computer, and let it flow. Also, tea. Tea helps.

Who are you influenced by within your artistic discipline?

For poetry, my biggest influences came from poets like Nikki Giovanni, Sonia Sanchez, and Maya Angelou.

Who inspires you in general?

My ancestors, and those on the front lines in the struggle today.

What causes and world issues are you passionate about, campaign for, volunteer for…?

I am all for the advancement of marginalised peoples. I don’t follow/campaign for any specific organisations.

What do the statements “art saves lives” and “art creates change” mean to you?

So much art is borne from struggle, from pain. I believe that art is both an outlet of inner turmoil and a medium of processing the world at large. Artists are the forerunners of revolutions because we put into emotions into words and pictures and connect people’s hearts.

Have your artistic and creative outlets saved your life in anyway and do you think your message within them could help create change in the world?

My art, specifically my poetry, has saved my life for sure. I was once asked “why do you write?” and my answer was/still is “to clear the noise in my head.” I can only hope that my words will reach the people who need them.

What are your present and future goals for your art?

Having a poem in an international publication is a start, lol. I hope to write more, to create more works of poetry, to return to writing speculative fiction, hopefully in the form of a completed novel, and to make jewellery that is high is demand.

Have you experienced any form of discrimination; and if so what was it based on and how did you deal with this?

I have experienced discrimination for being short, for being fat, for being Black, for being a (once) practising Muslim, for being disabled.. I internalise a lot, especially as an adult. When I was younger, sometimes I’d let my fists speak for me. As a teen/young woman, I wrote heavily.

What are your opinions on what causes discrimination?

Fear. Fear causes hate. People fear what they do not understand, and what it possibly says about them.

What do you do to actively stand against discrimination and have you ever had to intervene as a witness to it?

I serve as a witness and sometime mouthpiece. I offer resources for education. The biggest thing I do is teach my children how to not be a**holes.

What are your opinions on labels and stereotypes?

Stereotypes come from somewhere, but are often just propaganda. Labels are technically a necessity for identification, as they help folks find like-minded people. In an ideal world, none of it would matter.

What are your opinions on national identity and in your opinion does nationalism create or deter discrimination?

Nationalism forces conformity, in my opinion, because a large part of it ignores intersectionality. It causes internal conflict when opinions and lived experiences don’t match up.

What social privileges do you have? For example: are you white, able bodied/minded, a man, rich, heterosexual, thin… etc.

Hahahaha. Sorry. I’m pretty much the opposite of what most people would consider socially privileged. I’m a short, fat, Black, non-Christian, disabled woman. I have a few passing privileges, but I correct those pretty quickly.

What social privileges of others around you have you experienced and how did this privilege of others affect you?

I’ve watched people receive faster, better service, such as in shops and restaurants. I’ve been reprimanded while watching other people walk away without censure.

How does social privilege affect our world in your opinion?

Our world is largely based on money being the great equaliser, though that isn’t entirely true, because rich people of colour still lose out against their white counterparts.

Have you ever denied your own privilege due to feelings of guilt or misunderstanding?

I have little enough of it that when next to someone who is more marginalised than myself, I do feel guilty for having more. However, that gives me the chance to help someone else.

Do you feel social privilege should be taught at school and if so why and how young?

Social privilege is taught at school, no matter what anyone thinks. It may not be an official subject in the curriculum, but children DO learn it, and quickly. Do I think schools should combat the hierarchy and teach kids how not to be a**holes? Yeah, that’d be great, but it always starts at home.

Have you ever experienced social stigmatisation and if so what was it based on and how did you deal with this?

I was largely a loner in my more formative years so I don’t know. I’ve always had friends. I was never part of the “in” crowd, but I didn’t want to be, so…

Have you ever contributed to the stigmatisation of any individual or group, and if so were you aware you did this and how did you deal with this aftermath?

When we’re young, we do silly things to follow the crowd. I, for the most part, didn’t. I worked with everyone, I talked to everyone. I’ve been known to smile at the people everybody hated.

What are your opinions on political powers and world leaders using stigmatisation against certain groups to further their own agendas, such as with Muslims, Black people, LGBTQ individuals, mentally ill and disabled people?

If there was space for you to hear me rage scream, I’d do it. I think it’s ridiculous. Intersectionality is a thing. Using your examples, I personally know Black Muslims who are LGBTQ and disabled, so.. yeah. It’s ridiculous. Just stop. We’re not going away.

Do you support or take part in any anti-stigma organisations or charities and if so which ones and why?

I share lots of articles and fundraisers and have probably contributed to some. I honestly don’t keep track of the organisations I follow because there are so many. I’m not exactly a card-carrying member of anything these days, so maybe that’s a “no”?

In your own words please tell us how you feel the arts and creativity can further help to empower, communicate and educate people with regards to discrimination, privilege and stigmatisation?

Artists translate emotion into words, image, sound, movement. We tell stories. We make people feel things. We are the ones people turn to when they hurt, when they burn, when they rage. They read our poems, sing our songs, make banners and t-shirts of our photos and paintings. We connect people’s hearts.

If you would like to know more about Sumayyah and support her work or purchase some of her beautiful jewellery – please follow these links:

Website – sumayyahsaidso.com Instagram – instagram.com/sumayyahsaidso Facebook – facebook.com/sumayyahsaidso

To purchase Jewellery by Sumayyah Talibah please visit her shop by following this link:

Shop

Jewellery by Sumayyah Talibah

If you have any feedback on this article please fill in the contact form below:

[contact-form] Sumayyah Talibah uses poetry to stand against discrimination in today’s political climate Sumayyah Talibah, 37, from Michigan, in the USA - is a poet and jewellery artisan, who has chosen to write a poem for ASLI on discrimination in the USA.

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