#but god forbid i bring this up to the guy 'stuck in his ways'. sixty is not too old to change

[virmillion]

watched love simon again, had a breakdown, bon appetit.

something about how simon had (eventually) all that support - his mom told him he got to breathe now, his dad apologized for the jokes and for never seeing it, everyone said they loved him, that he was still him

anyway. rough never got the chance to do that (at least not to that extent, albeit also avoiding the wretched way it went down). at most, he came out to some friends at college, but not fully, not to everyone

and yeah, his parents might've been fine with it. emily probably would've. they would've all adjusted. eventually. but now he'll never know, is the issue. he won't get to tell them, and now everyone is going to remember him wrong. they are going to label and bury a casket containing a body that no longer belongs to him (and frankly, hasn't belonged to him in a long time)

functionally, he wasted his time. he Did School, then he graduated and Did College, then he died. he didn't get to Do a real relationship, or being himself. "you get to breathe now, you're still you" but is he? he never was himself, not all the way. "oh you're still yourself on the inside, no matter what other people saw or say" other people see him buried and mourn a girl who died years ago and he can't correct them

#labhrambles #r&t #r&t: r #feeling: bad! :) #obviously a third of all ocs are just you ripping out parts of your soul to stitch them together #and i know this #but i really wanted him to have loving parents. supportive and such #not the best but TRYING their best yk #and yeah it sucks that thats not enough for him that he wanted more (how selfish can you be?) #but you know what else sucks? i don't know that my dad has genuinely told me he loves me since i came out #my mom still she/hers and they/thems me in public. to family that im out to. when my dad isnt even around #the only time i get he/himmed is when it's only us two. and even then she talks around it #not calling me a girl is not the same as calling me a boy #anyway. hope we got all that out of our system because that's the type of shit rough ISN'T supposed to have #it's not a story about trans acceptance is the problem (although maybe a little abt acceptance in general dsfjkdsfkj) #i literally just. don't have an example of a Healthy Parental Relationship For Trans Kids to base it on #but god forbid i bring this up to the guy 'stuck in his ways'. sixty is not too old to change #sixty is not too old to love your son instead of mourning the daughter you never fucking had #unrelated. got a mug warmer today with hello kitty on it. wahoo.

[crimes-and-gelato]

All I Want

Summary: From one of the angst prompt: Don't go where I can't follow.

A/N: In case you missed the tags, just wanna give you another heads up that this doesn't have a happy ending, but rather an angst and hanging ending. No one died, that's for sure.Also, all mistakes are mine because I don't have a beta. So, my sincerest apology.Get yourself ready. Don't stab me when you get to the sad part because I just wanted this nagging narrative out of my mind whilst I was crying my heart out for WinterIron.

**

 "What was it like to lose him?

 It was like hearing every goodbye said to me -- said all at once." 

-Lang Leav

**

It’s only been three days and Bucky sure could get used to this vacation thing that Tony had insisted on for their anniversary. And that’s what scares him the most: the getting used to because nothing in life stays permanent and it’s not going to be fun to cope back with reality again once this holiday is over.

Sure, three days ago – and two months before that when Tony told him about this vacation – Bucky wasn’t eager for this holiday. Not that he doesn’t want the alone-time with his boyfriend. God, he would burn evil people for infinite alone-time with Tony. But the thing is, he doesn’t think it’s safe.

First of all, they’re somewhere that none of their friends can quickly fly to if things go to shit. And to be honest, being a superhero, there are enough time for things to go to shit. Secondly, it’s not really the perfect time – although Tony says so otherwise – to go off the grid when HYDRA and another secret, evil organisations are subtly making a comeback.

‘As much as I think the brooding look is so hot on you, I’m only sixty percent appreciating it at this moment,’ Tony says, straddling Bucky’s lap. His lips are shape in a cute small pout.

Bucky sighs in resignation because he did promise Tony that he wouldn’t worry so much. But it’s not easy not to be anxious when –

There are soft lips against his and Bucky can’t continue with his nervous thoughts anymore. God, Tony’s lips are made for sin and Bucky’s nothing but a willing sinner. He moans into the kiss and cups Tony’s jaw with his flesh hand to pull his boyfriend closer while his metal hand circles around the genius’ waist to keep him from falling over off Bucky’s lap.

Encouraged, Tony grinds their clothes dick together. His hands brace Bucky by the collarbone, gently pushing the supersoldier to lean on the back of the beach chair.

Bucky cants his hips up to meet the billionaire’s thrusts, both of his hands sliding down to grope on Tony’s wonderful ass because he can’t help it. And why shouldn’t he?

The shorter brunet’s responsive, and maybe still sensitive from being fucked in their outdoor shower. Tony moans filthily when Bucky kneads his cheeks apart to open up.

‘Bucky,’ Tony mutters breathily, staring down at his boyfriend with needy eyes.

‘It’s okay, doll,’ Bucky soothes, continuing his action on Tony’s ass. He plants a kiss on the engineer’s lips as he watches Tony’s face for reaction when he snakes his flesh hand over Tony’s waistband and prods a finger into his boyfriend’s still-loose hole.

Tony gasps at the intrusion and it transforms into a moan when Bucky goes deeper with his finger and finds the genius’ prostate. His hands squeezes Bucky’s shoulder for dear life as his boyfriend adds another finger.

‘So pretty for me, sweetheart,’ Bucky whispers, moving his fingers perfectly inside Tony, and loving how the engineer looks so wanton with his mouth slightly gape as he groans his pleasure so openly.

Bucky can’t look away from those wide brown eyes that are heavy with lust and want. He can’t think about his worries no more, not when Tony’s whimpering his name and asks for more.

**

Bucky’s not entirely sure how they ended up in the small forest of the island. He faintly remembers Tony suggesting that they look at the waterfall to re-check the small hydro-electro plant that sustains energy for the island. It was all quiet, just Tony and his usual chatter about green energy and how hot Bucky’s ass is in those tight swimming trunks.

A series of strong winds break through the silent woods, followed by a faint sound of an air transport. Bucky tenses, knowing well that trouble is on the way.

He puts Tony behind him as the uniformed men with weapon drops from above them in less than five seconds.

Bucky has his cargo pants on packed with knives and two guns. He curses himself for not bringing his grenades to their little hike. But a few minutes ago it seems stupid to bring them – or to be even carrying around these weapons – since the island is off the radar, according to Tony. And JARVIS monitors the house that they’re staying in. Something must have happened if JARVIS wasn’t able to inform them of their current intruders.

Behind Bucky, he can hear Tony shifting his watch into a special repulsor glove. And his heart beat accelerates at the thought of Tony without his armour, facing these goons with their quality guns (he can tell by looking at the weapons). If you’re looking, you know that it’s not on their favour. There are just too many soldiers around them, one wrong bullet and Tony could die.

‘Tony,’ he whispers through gritted teeth, eyes never leaving the people within his line of vision because it’s crucial to know who would likely to pull the trigger first. ‘Your suit,’ he adds. He can deal with the bullets that will be aimed at him. But Tony can’t.

‘I can’t summon it,’ Tony answers, barely hiding his panic. ‘They must have some device –’

Bucky’s whole body turns cold on hearing Tony’s reply. They don’t have the suit to summon for help. No armour to cover and protect Tony. The genius is vulnerable to everything these evil soldiers will shoot at them.

‘Surrender and we will not harm you,’ one of the guy says, he must be the commander.

He doesn’t care. All Bucky can think about is how they’re out-weaponed and out-numbered, and how defenceless Tony is. Fuck! Bucky needs to think of some sort of plan to at least get Tony out of this situation because he can’t stand the idea of the engineer being hurt, or taken as hostage, or heaven forbid: brainwashed!

Bucky wants to vomit, every part of him is furious and afraid at the thought of Tony sitting on that horrendous chair where his every nightmare had begun. He can’t let that happen. He won’t let that happen. Over his dead –

‘You know that’s bullshit, right?’ Tony responds, cutting Bucky’s line of thought. The genius fires his repulsor at the nearest minion.

Before Bucky could have time to react and scold his boyfriend for being a fucking idiot, someone had fired back at Tony.

Instincts take over; Bucky throws a knife at the bad guy, but not quick enough to stop the goon from pulling the trigger. Both Tony and the minion hit the ground at the same time.

Tony, kneeling as the electric device from the gun shocks him. The evil soldier on the other hand lands dead with a knife stuck on the side of his neck.

Bucky waits for the others to fire away, but a sudden whoosh distracts them.

‘JARVIS, initiate Frozen protocol,’ Tony mutters through the pain of the electric shock.

‘Yes, sir,’ JARVIS replies.

Of course, Tony has some back-up plan, he’s a genius afterall. And somehow that eases some relief into Bucky’s terrified heart. Nonetheless, he still has to protect Tony before he gets into a suit because the engineer will be vulnerable till then.

Bucky’s about to take one of his guns from the holster when a contraption embraces him from behind and straps him. Another set of panic goes through him as his thoughts go back to the memory of the HYDRA chair, although this new cage seems to smell faintly of a new car interior mixing with Tony’s cologne.

It takes two seconds for him to realise that he’s actually been trapped by one of Tony’s suit. Not like the Iron Man armour but more like a pod.

He struggles from the constraint, eyes not leaving Tony who looks at him with slight relief, and warmth as the engineer mutters, It’s okay.

But it’s not okay, Bucky’s petrified mind supplies him, rapidly calculating what’s clearly happening: Tony’s putting him in an escape pod.

‘Go, JARVIS,’ Tony prompts quietly.

JARVIS must have replied something but Bucky doesn’t bother to catch it, stuck on processing the quick scenario before him: Tony’s getting him to safety while the engineer gets left behind.

NOOOO, his heart screams to his mind tragically.

Bucky doesn’t take his eyes off of Tony, tears beginning to form at the corners as he tries to claw himself out again. This isn’t real. No, it can’t be.

He shakes his head as the tears threaten to spill, his vision going blurry. This can’t be real. This can’t be it for them. They’ve even barely started.

His heart bangs in his chest as he tries to memorise Tony’s face because his brain knows better that this could be the last time.

Please no, he begs internally, feeling nothing but heartbreak and need for this reality to cease. He wants to pinch himself awake to make sure this is all nothing but a nightmare because it’s too painful.

Tony gives him a small smile as the pod begins to close around Bucky. Another muted scream rumbles inside Bucky’s chest at the sight because the smile looks like goodbye. And he’s not ready for that.

Please, please, please… he pleads to whatever higher power, cheeks damp with tears. He challenges his restraints again, eyes never leaving the man who saved him from the cold, lonely shadow of his past.

‘Tony,’ he screams brokenly, followed by a wounded whimper. He tries and tries to get to the other man because he belongs to Tony’s side, for better or for worst, till the engineer doesn’t need him anymore. God, maybe even then.

He needs to be with Tony. That’s the safest place in the world, where none of Bucky’s fears and insecurities exists, where he’s love despite all his flaws, where he’s accepted. He vowed never to leave the genius behind. How can he? How can someone leave their breathing space?

‘I love you,’ Tony mouths at him before the pod locks out every trace of sunlight.

Bucky can feel the pod move and fly, can hear the quiet ricochet of bullets. But none of that registers to him, only the painful hole in his chest where his heart feels like it’s been crushed and burned.

He sobs, and screams, and struggles from the restraints as JARVIS tells him the distance and ETA to the tower.

Fin.

AO3

#angst #winteriron #winteriron fic #bucky x tony