#brain dropping just some thoughts

[sinfulequity]

Was rewatching Double and. I think I finally pinpointed where John and Mikoto switch places!

You can see that the car that Mikoto is in turns to darkness like he just went into a tunnel. And then we have that transition of a pinpoint of light fading- to a light coming up and flooding the screen. It then immediately Cuts to seeing "Mikoto" running away from something. This time he's surrounded by light. Following the implications of that light transition

That means the running sequence is John trying to get to Mikoto in time and uh. Mikoto getting sick of everything and deciding to take Swift Action. Which may lead to the glitched line in the second trial voice trailer-

AAAHHHHHHHHHH!! DESTROY EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING!!

Incidentally, that would also lead to the answer of another thing I was questioning. "What's the other train car that's in use?" I believe that would make the car that Mikoto is in 9 and the car that John is in 10

#Milgram #Mikoto Kayano #thoughts #I've been trying to figure out where this switch occurred since Double dropped #I also have been having trouble doing that cause for some reason listening to Double makes my brain turn into white noise on a crt #Which is. Frustrating. Especially since by all rights I should like this song to the point of listening to it constantly #The video was meant to be a gif Tumblr just wouldn't allow it orz #idk if I've put this in a comprehensible way but I have tried my best orz

[sanjisblackasswife]

Like literally i cant even find other ppl that draw male y/n I only can find like one ppl that did draw toji x male y/n and i can find like 6 ppl that draw black female y/n

ykw what’s funny, u say this exact same thing and then the next anon ur like “U lazy hoe why don’t u just draw it it’s easy”

my sister/brother in Christ, i do not care nor is this ganna convince me to do it that sounds like a skill issue on ur behalf 🦦🧋

I pray that the Lord delivers you from the chokehold of bothering people to write/draw male y/n . because ur too lazy and broke to do it yourself or pay someone to do it

#also name drop the 6 artist #i thought it was 20 tho u said that last time too #🧞‍♀️i need some black fem jjk artist moots #also just follow the one person and ask if they do commissions then are u that smooth brained hello

[zaacoy]

AAAAAAHAHAHGMNNBDNFMMGNFN

SO.

COLLEGE.

TANG PIGSY AND SANDY GO TO A LITTLE KARAOKE VENUE ON ACCOUNT OF SANDY SUGGESTING THEY WIND DOWN AFTER EXAM SEASON TOGETHER AND SAYING PIGSY HAS AN AMAZING VOICE OR SMTH WHATEVER TANG HAS NEVER HEARD HIM SING BEFORE AT THIS POINT.

AND THEY GO AND PIGSY GETS ON STAGE AND PUTS HIS HEART INTO AND TANG JUST. FALLS

AND HE FALLS HARD.

HE MAY HAVE ALREADY HAD A MINOR CRUSH BEFORE HAND BUT THIS IS THE PIVOTAL POINT AND IT HIMS LIKE A BRICK.

CUE TANG HAVING A GAY PANIC THE ENTIRE REST OF THE NIGHT AND TRYING TO BE SO NORMAL ABOUT HOW BEUATIFUL HIS BEST FRIENDS VOICE IS AND HOW PRETTY HE IS NOW THAT HE REALLDY LOOKS AT HIM AND I HDJAKJDKSMMDND

#Thwacked over the head with the gay thoughts like a lightning strike from god #I just had an entire comic dropped into the idea part of my brain all at once and out of nowhere I had to explode about it srry #I have. An entire backlist of things I want to draw out before this but it will come into fruition some day #You just gotta wait for it :3c #lmk freenoodles #freenoodleshipping #freenoodles #Sighs and sobs about it they are my everything

[honeyvenommusic]

❗️NEWGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSAN-

#glass animals #honestly i wore out dreamland sm my brain took a lonnng break from expecting anything from them?? idk i’m just huh???? #like….. when i say wore out #i cannot describe how much i listened to it #i usually have some vague idea even if it’s a ridiculous number #like 52 times in a month for an album or something (has happened) #i cannot recall w this #gonna say bc 2020 & they were Literally the last band i saw live. next morning everyone found out about everything annd lockdown. no joke #so it was big dreamland time when it dropped and revisiting their past albums when i broke out of its spell lmao #(pretty sure before that like january was when i listened to déjà vu 100+ times in a row tho so oop. it was a tough day lol) #anyway seeing this aww man. i really have had this band with me for a long long time. 🥹 i remember hearing gooey on the radio one night #driving home from work late @ night in 2014. the drive was so short i couldn’t be arsed to fish out my ipod & plug it in #sometimes so just popped on a good station i had preset. started the car and heard this *voice* and i was like who???? #had to check the station bc it was an alt station and i thought i had it on another one which was fine i was just v confused #it was in the middle of the song & i was immediately anxious to know the name hoping i’d hear it & it wouldn't just flow into the next song #then the dj would pile the names together after x number of songs played bc i was tiired (but woulda stayed in the car ngl). got lucky & #ran inside to find it then yelled at my roommate the next day that she HAD to listen to it during a smoke session after work #(i was right & it blew her miiind) #god. what a fucking time. what a fucking band. idk what the disc horse is surrounding them now since they blew up via tiktok #i’m sure people are v quick to say they’re overrated bc of that but idk & i’m glad i don’t know. they’ll always be this #highly inventive incredible band i stumbled upon for the perfect night drive home after a long long shift #a band that came back from a Horrible accident that should have ended 1 of their lives & somehow didn’t & should have ended them #as a band (like still cannot believe Joe was drumming in 2020 & i saw it with my own eyes like how tf???!?) #a band deserving of all of its successes. glass animals forever

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

if graham thought the used to be a man thing was just joking and like 5 minutes earlier she said she used to live in the outback for 123 years, he also definitely doesnt have ANY idea how old she is does he

#oh the fun they'll have in support group trying to figure out the doctor's age #graham sitting there just staring for the first 10 minutes like 'oh IMMORTAL immortal. like immortal? like. okay. uh huh. thats. okay.' #thats gotta rewrite like at least half your idea of a person right #im not convinced he or ryan really have an idea of what regeneration means #i think yaz a little more #but not like. really #and yaz was also so taken aback meeting ace and tegan like #other companions get that 'oh youve had lots of people like me' usually kinda early on #get their little jealousy moment #but they NEVER had that #like meeting all these old companions first already must be a bit of a........like rearrangement in your brain #like 'oh but if youre me. and you did this 40 YEARS ago. then uhhhh. the doctor is older than she looks' #and then someone drops a 'yeah when i knew them they said they were 700' and youre OH. OKAY. #like you thought you were travelling with just sort of a weird fucked up guy but then it turns out it's a weird fucked up guy #who has been doing this for longer than your country exists #12 voice: im old enough to be your messiah #fgkjghjkgh #like thats your bud! dfgkjhgjk thats just your fucked up little pal who cant drive what do you mEAN TWO THOUSAND #two THOUSAND years and you still drive THIS badly??? #i hope clara comes to the support group some time #she could blow at least the fam's minds a little i think #she knew the last one! #she can provide CONTEXT #between missy and 12 she can provide some GREAT context #also bill i think bill + yaz would be FUN #like hoo boy #bill can fill them in on the master too #feel like missy definitely gets wind of it 'ive been up and down your timeline' and drops by. a couple of times #trying to pass herself off as a companion #doesnt work for super long mostly bc shes just there to Cause Problems On Purpose but it does work for a Bit

[gasstationclown]

i frequently think about kristophs black psyche locks and how its the first time phoenix sees locks like them, and how its secrets that the person arent even aware theyre keeping, and how breaking the locks forcefully can make the person suffer psychological damage. like kristophs final breakdown, also akin to the first case where kristoph tells apollo to break phoenix and his testimony

i also frequently think about [insane rambling under the cut]

i also frequently think about how kristoph never really truly made any attempts on phoenixs life. Yes, obviously kristoph ruined phoenixs career which might as well been his life, and he most certainly tried to frame him for murder, but during the 7 years of their relationship kristoph never tried to kill phoenix directly. he killed like 2 people and tried a third but he never made an attempt on phoenixs life, even when he probably could’ve tried the night he killed zak gramarye/shadi smith. you could argue that he gave phoenix the nail polish, but the thing is that 1)  there was a chance that it wasnt actully poisoned, especially considering that he probably didnt have any opportunity to prepare it and he used it on his own nails, 2) there was absolutely no guarantee that phoenix would ingest the nail polish let alone use it OR give it to someone else. you could argue that it was some last resort (if it was actually poisoned), but by this point kristoph is aware that phoenix is investigating and pointing towards him so he was practically handing him evidence, even if it couldnt really be used well in court, it connected kristoph to vera just enough. kristoph had enough reason and enough repulsion towards both zak and phoenix, so why did he kill zak and just try to get phoenix out of the way? maybe it was easier and maybe it would prevent fingers from pointing towards him, and considering that he was going to defend the case he would have been put in a good spot to manipulate the trial. idk i think theres more rattling around in my brain but its just what i think about a lot post is done <3

#just in general i frequently think about the (first) jail scene with phoenix and kristoph. lots of thoughts in my brain about that one #ORIGINALLY i was going to have some ART accompany this post aka it was going to be THE REASON I WAS POSTING IT #but over the billion times i had attempted drawing this Schmuck. i gave up while coloring it in #just was NOT having it. kristoph fucking cursed me #also please note that whenever i talk/mention kristoph/phoenix im talking about the most #miserable and wretched relationship. its not good. #1 million notes ill drop my kristoph/phoenix playlist /j #i was going to put a kristoph-telltale heart semi comparison in there but it didnt fit in post the way it fit in my brain #anyway real tags now #ace attorney #ace attorney spoilers #ace attorney apollo justice #aa4 #ace attorney apollo justice spoilers #aa4 spoilers #kristoph gavin #phoenix wright #kristoph/phoenix #krisnix #is krisnix the name of it?? #this is so wack to type bc i have 2 friends named phoenix and kris(ten) #also #find it so fucking funny after phoenix sees kristophs psyche locks kristophs like are you good and phoenix is like. its nothing. #and kristoph goes #you shouldnt push yourself so hard. life is to be taken easy you know #and then proceeds to start to paint his nails like he isnt INCREDIBLY paranoid atm

[famewolf]

speaking of ocd, I think I'm realizing that I truly don't have anxiety and it's literally just my ocd. im not anxious about anything until it involves me and suddenly I'm spiraling

#[static] #it's hard to describe succinctly but the anxiety I deal with nowadays is directly related to my ocd and autism #some anxiety is so easy to brush off but the ones stemming from my ocd are extremely difficult to get out from under #i'll spiral for weeks about one specific thing and ruminate on it and mentally worry and pick at it forever #it's utterly exhausting jfkdghdf some days are easier than others #and often that one thing I ruminate on becomes multiple things all stemming from the first thing #like recently it's been my car ... the thing is totally fine ... runs fine drives fine but ive been freaked out by it for the last 3 weeks #every time i go into the shop theyre like ... everything is good in fact its in good condition for its age and they'll mention like #one thing that will need to be replaced to keep it in tip top condition and then my brain will fixate on it and imagine all the ways #something horrific will happen if that doesnt get changed and then that leads to all the other things in the car suddenly freaking me out #i defs used to have general anxiety and depression but those went away literally the day i got top surgery #poof instantly gone it was wild and i kept waiting for the other shoe to drop #never did but now my ocd has been really bad the last 6 months cuz of all the extra horrifying things going on #so i thought it was just my anxiety coming back but this week i realized it was my ocd and have been treating it accordingly #and ive seen some relief but i definitely need to go back to therapy once i get my insurance again #its the only way to get a hold on it and my last therapist ended up moving states so we didnt get to work on tools for it very much #im yapping at this point i just needed to vent for a second about how truly yucky ocd makes me feel

[keeps-ache]

hehe. crackling

#just me hi #hey do your ears crackle and get kind of uncomfortable when people yell lol #sometimes regular loud noises do it but not really #it started happening like a year or so ago and blahh hfh #and then like a chill goes down from my ears to the back of my neck ? it's weird man #do i probably know why that is? yea lmao. do i wanna speculate anyway? Yes it's fun ehehehehegh :33 #the fairies dropped some dust on my bed during one visit and now it makes my ears itchy on the inside i guess #the ocean is whispering but reception is poor #old tissue paper from some birthday some years ago is still hangin around #tv static lives in my head and goes for walks sometimes :) #the characters stored inside are opening their packages #Thought Blender 3000 (Guaranteed Blending (Max Puree)) has been invoked #my neurons are playing musical chairs #brain is doin a little jig #the possibilities... Endless......... #//anywhoooo i have GOT to write #not because i have to but because i Need to. you understand #so i'm going to see which part of the universe will decide No. Not Now when i start hbvfhs :3 #let's seee #ofc i'm going to reblog a handful of things beforehand though. it's just the way things are done lol :33 #toooooodles :>>

[talentforlying]

one of these days i'm going to write up all that i've changed from azzarello's bullshit era and the one (1) piece i've kept from milligan (and also changed) and the only thing currently stopping me is that it is going to be so, so inside-baseball incomprehensible. and i almost never want to go reading/screencapping azzarello and milligan to add references but i Want to add references.

canon is goop, just know that we continue to ride the bus down "hellblazer ended at #250 and looks like swiss cheese before that" street.

#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS. #i'm doing page maintenance before i fuck off to work rip it's got me thinking #anyway i think i said WAY back on this blog that a side goal of mine is to make hellblazer lore accessible to non-comic readers where i can #bc it's such a Heavy comic & i love it so much & i always felt Terrible recommending it to people only for them to be disgusted #and like. @ past me that particular goal is NOT as easy as you thought it would be lmao #esp because i have a habit of getting VERY detail-oriented when it comes to talking about hellblazer i think #but by GOD it's still a goal. i can put in some motherfucking references here and there when i talk about The Lore #like. azzarello's writing style never translates well for me in synopsis bc he Loves to put the audience in the outside perspective #where we are bystanders/with the rest of the bystanders to constantine's actions and not to his motivations/inner monologue #and i HATE that. hellblazer has ALWAYS been about what this guy has going on underneath the masked exterior #all the things you can't say out loud when you're queer and working class trying to survive in 70s-80s-90s england #but that you FEEL with your WHOLE fucking chest. how that feeling drives you to enjoy little rebellions wherever you can get them #(also azzarello just fucking Sucks LMAO but i'm talking style rn) #so i end up relying on frusin's art to tell the story a little more bc i think he understands the Theatre of constantine's public persona #and when that theatre is Absent then it's really REALLY noticeable. so frusin keeps me in it most of the time #and if i'm digging into frusin art then i'm Going to want to compare it to older panels bc i like body language consistency #milligan on the other hand has NOTHING to save his sorry ass bc his writing is drop-jaw fucking terrible AND the artist seems to like it #but the loss of john's thumb being tied to his mental health (ignoring the bullshit with shade) has always felt. important to me somehow id #anyway MUCH thinking about my favorite loser on this about-to-be-annoying day shdjksd he has been done so dirty #hellblazer brain go brrrr

[ollyou]

Me, sitting at my desk, doing something completely unrelated: “I wonder if Olly is right or left-handed”

#adhd brain!!!!!!!! #i just dropped everything i was doing and looked back at a playthrough to see which arm/hand olly uses mosy #he appears to be right-handed but he could be ambidextrous tbh. i doubt the devs put that much thought into it but I DID!!! #like he does MOOOST of his stuff with his right hand but he does some other stuff with his left #for instance: he slaps bowser #holds olivia’s hand/his stomach when he’s dying #and flicks his hair with his left hand #but about everything else is with his right hand. i’m thinking too much into this #what do people do with their non-dominant hand anyway #IDK…! NEVER PAID ATTENTION #pmtok #paper mario the origami king #rambling #king olly

[wandaxpietro]

everything goes so slow for pietro i am 100% convinced he's incredibly terminally online to get his dopamine hits. he's so active on twitter people are worried about him. he keeps getting suspended bcuz he keeps sending people death threats and doxxing them and then has to call tony up so he can pay to get his accound back. he shows up in front of houses of people he beefs with. he fights with teenagers online all day. the official avengers twitter account has him blocked.

#tumblr user ill-say-this-fast (ily) said he'd esp get really into discourse concerning wanda and literally #he searches her name up and inserts himself into any conversation he finds #he's deranged #i said this on twitter circle some time ago but fanfic is real in the comics and so is superhero rpf #what i am trying to say is i am 100% convinced he looks up fanfics of himself jdhfghf #reading scarletsilver fic kicking his feet twirling his hair commenting 'quicksilver would not fucking say that' but bookmarking anyway. et #he keeps dropping social media lingo and wanda never has any clue what he's talking about so she just smiles and nods #she's so nice and thinks of him so highly so mostly she assumes it's words from poetry he's read but actually his brain is just rotted #he gets pissed bcuz a teenager online he was fighting with called him 'old' at least once a day #etc. #luna is social media age now (14 ish) but she's only on instagram where he's not this bad so she isn't confronted with it. luckily #lorna thinks his twitter activities are SO funny though #magneto isn't quite sure how to use a computer (< joking... mostly) so he's not on twitter #but lorna keeps him updated on their daily tea sessions bcuz she thinks it's hilarious. magneto is very tired #ok i need to stop. i just have a lot of thoughts about pietro twitter okay. #we got that one glimpse in damage control where he tagged them to complain about an employee sgzdugdh he's just like that all the time #txt

[disdaidal]

The moment I think I'm finally getting the hang of this thing, I don't. And it puts my mood down instantly.

#personal #i was supposed to return one school assignment yesterday. regarding my training #i had time today between classes so i thought i could do it #i followed the instructions and went to the page where i'm supposed to return it #i realized i don't know what the fuck i'm actually supposed to write on a word document or even return there #i tried googling for help. to get some examples #i mostly found some bitchy responses to someone else's question about the same thing: #'if you don't know what you're supposed to do there. you don't understand what you're studying and you're not ready for the thing' #well duh. obviously #except i know what i'm doing. i know exactly what i'm doing when i'm WORKING #i just don't know what i'm supposed to write there. for my SCHOOL #and i can't even find good examples for that online because nobody wants to share them bc you're supposed to think for yourself #but my brain isn't working and my imagination isn't working when i can't picture the thing i'm supposed to be working on #i'm so tempted to drop out because this keeps happening to me all the time now it seems #i don't feel like asking for my teacher all the time #and my training supervisor is busy as fuck all the time #i do my training well enough but i can't proceed with my studies if i don't return these stupid assignments before christmas #i'm so fucking sick of this thing right now

[j8kethewizz]

I started writing this in the replies of a different post but quickly reached the word limit so I'm putting it here instead. These are my thoughts on across the spiderverse and they contain heavy spoilers. Please only read if you have seen the movie because it's the kind of movie that gets absolutely ruined by being spoiled.

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So the antagonists in both ITSV and ATSV have a lot in common.

Miguel and kingpin have the same motivation in each of their respective films. They both wanted to live a life that didn't fuck them over and they crossed through dimensions to try and make it happen.

They both fail to achieve their goal: kingpin's attempts to bring his family back are thwarted by the spiders, and the world Miguel enters literally falls apart around him.

Their actions have ramifications that further the conflict of the series. By creating his collider, kingpin gave the spot his powers, allowing the spot to wreck havoc through dimensions. Miguel's new dimension unraveling led him to believe in specific canon events that must happen to every spider person, and that any anomalies to his formula would cause the multiverse to unravel.

There's a pattern to be seen here, and while the next movie is likely going to focus somewhat on the conflict against the spider society, I think it would be cool if the conflict between miles 1610 and miles 42 followed a similar pattern.

Miles 42 lost his father, and 1610 showing up has proven to him there are other dimensions out there, including one where his dad is still alive, which would provide a motivation in line with the previous ones. Miles 42 is framed pretty clearly as an antagonist, meaning Miles 1610 as the protagonist will likely find a way to stop 42 somehow, meaning all that's left to see is the ramifications. I honestly don't know how it all will play out. Beyond the spiderverse could take this story in so many different directions and most of them would be satisfying enough for me.

The ultimate coolest move in my book would be to create a meta narrative of sorts where each movie has the same key elements that make up the story, but handle the conflict in three different ways; what if each spiderverse movie was an alternate version of the same movie? ITSV would be a man vs man conflict (kingpin pulled the spiders out of their own universes and miles has to defeat him to repair the damage done). ATSV would be a man vs society conflict, as miles is up against a society of other spider people who believe he's an anomaly who needs to be contained, destroyed, or forced into conforming to the spiderman formula. I predict that BTSV (at least miles' main arc) will be a man vs self conflict, showing miles a version of himself who behaves the same way as the villains he's faced so far, and having him reconcile with that.

The villains this series has given us have all been victims of circumstance, people who are trying to do what they can to get themselves out of a difficult or painful situation. What makes them villains is the choices they make in trying to get out. Kingpin, Miguel, and the Spot (and presumably Miles 42 but it's a bit too early to say) will stop at nothing to get what they want, and they don't care about the people they hurt along the way.

Destiny and canon want to put Miles through the ringer like every other spiderman, but Miles rejects these very concepts in the climax of ATSV. Miles chooses to reject these ideas, trying to find an alternate path much like the antagonists. But Miles has a different motivation: in addition to making a better world for himself, he's fighting to make a better multiverse for all of the spider people.

I'm not a super active writer, but a writing adage I've picked up over the years is that protagonists ask questions and antagonists give answers to those questions. Its up to the protagonist whether to believe if those answers are true. In BTSV Miles' question would be "Am I a villain too?" Miles 42 answers yes by showing our Miles that at the very least, he is capable of becoming a villain. If Miles rejects that answer, he will no doubt do so by remembering that unlike the villains he's faced, he's fighting for something greater than himself.

#'im just going to write a few sentences about a cool littke pattern i noticed' i said like a liar #across the spiderverse #spiderverse 2 #atsv spoilers #im so normal about watching movies lmao #i think this is one of those cases where homestuck metatextual brain poisoning has come in handy #if for no reason other than priming me to recognize other metatextual stories in which characters are fighting the narrative #when they said the word 'canon' in the movie for the first time my immediate thought was 'they better not do some homestuck shit' #and they almost did but they DIDNT AT THE LAST SECOND AND DID SOMETHING WAY BETTER INSTEAD #that better thing being the same homestuck shit if it wasnt actively hostile to its audience and took itself seriously #jake waxes philosophical #jake doesn't have a writing tag #autism mode activated #homestuck #< because we're more than 5 tags in so it wont show up there and i name dropped it in previous tags #come to think of it i think regular show also did some metanarrative stuff with fate and choice in the series finale #regular show also had one character and a shadow version of that character whos Them but Evil and they fight each other #which is one of my favorite narrative devices btw #especially if the Evil one isnt a 'real' person but rather a representation of a character's self doubt or loathing #i fucking love man vs self conflicts

[bigskydreaming]

Also, does anyone else feel like this is all Locutus related? Everything weird about Jack, the Changelings’ mysterious benefactor, Picard’s original body....

I’m just saying, I feel like this is a Locutus thing but I don’t know how common that guess is.

#star trek picard spoilers #picard spoilers #im just saying.....i dont know HOW Jack might have inherited telepathic powers from Picard that are Locutus derived somehow #or if maybe at some point someone did something to Jack that built upon something he'd inherited from Picard #that played into how the Borg created the Locutus personality or did to Picard in the first place #but from a certain perspective Jack's powers seem not to much standard sci-fi telepathy #as 'ability to created a hive mind/shared mental space with even other humans #if not any other sentient species in general' #again....not sure how or even if the Borg would have done something to Picard to make him pass this trait or ability down #to his offspring but if this is the case (and they certainly seem to be dropping the implication that Picard's #whats it called Syndrome was always misdiagnosed....not just with Jack but with he himself....aka maybe #after Locutus Picard had or was developing these powers too but they didn't 'take' as well in a full grown adult whose brain had already #developed naturally and so instead these powers presented as symptoms of that syndrome they thought he had #BUT whatever changes they made to Picard's original body that went unnoticed and thus unaltered when Starfleet 'restored him' after Locutus #still ended up passed down to Jack as part of him from his birth so that he did grow into them naturally #and as for the benefactor could that be Locutus itself? ie the personality was somehow still embedded in whatever #hidden implants or alterations the Borg made to Picard's #original body and left behind...and that's what the Changelings were trying to extract from the body #and maybe they put it into a changeling and thats why it seems to have a similarly shapeless form #but does NOT seem to be part of the Great Link for whatever reason #and is now seeking Jack to be his new vessel or something? idk idk something like that maybe

[coffeecakecafe]

.

#coffee talks #i keep getting followers that i watch like #go thru my two plus year old crossover fandom tag and like everything #and then follow #and it's like hi buddy hello #i am a stan account for my own dnd pcs these days and i haven't posted the content u are after #in over a year and a half #but also for the most part those folks aren't reblogging anyway so i guess it's a net loss on both ends #i had to stop making fan content for a while bc it was messing w like my self perception #and skewing my thought process for art towards a very transactional relationship #make thing get attention u know #and it was makin me sad #so this is better for my brain #but i have nothing for any of the like dozen or so newish followers that all came for fandom content #and very very rarely are those folks interacting w the stuff i am posting these days #which is chill like curate ur online experience #i get it #i just maybe don't get why you'd stick around here ha #anyway just some thoughts to ramble on for a bit #lil explanation ig if u were wondering why i dropped fandoms #might delete later tbh

[moe-broey]

Hhnghb

#FULLY MEDICATED AGAIN. #idk.... what to do...... i. want to do so many things. nothing is striking me at the moment though #i have The Pile (all of the ever-growing askr fam collection in my queue storage) #I HAD. SO MANY THOUGHTS. ABOUT VERONICA'S MAP. I WAS GONNA MAKE SOME POSTS ABOUT IT. AT LEAST HIGHLIGHTING SOME YHINGS #i was gona. post more of moe. and drop Some lore but mostly housekeeping #i won a little anya keychain plush at the arcade just to study her and use her as a ref. she is so cute. #i HAD a directing for the al/shari plush bodies but idk. if. i want to commit. i have no idea at thsi point #yesterday was SO fucked up i fucking meant it when i say you only start to feel the absence of meds day 2. #it's crazy..... like painkillers but for your brain..... like it's striking how i do have a lot of these thoughts/feelings #like all of the time but the meds just make them more manageable. put me at a baseline to sit w them better. #AH I WANTED TO BLEACH MY HAIR AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!! I FINALLY ALSO PICKED UP MORE HAIRBLEACH #yesterday was so fuckinh stupid though like all day i was just spacing out and teary. #like ah ..... the horrors............ blinks so sadly and sheds such delicate tears. dude come on #inmy heart of hearts i HAVE to believe in askr meds exist and all you have to do is ask the right person/pull the right strings. #i have NEVER been a 'fix my disability' bitch. we are managing that shit. through treament and accomodations. #it's also just more useful that way to me. to conceptualize and also to make peace w it. #like it has a feedback loop effect to it. through writing i'm inevitably sorting through thoughts/feelings #that WILL be relevant to my day to day life. #i think.... i am starting to feel a little better....... i just lack direction.