#body that make me happy! and i dont just mean surgery and hrt bc thats not for anyone but also choosing to do whatever the hell i want to | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ezradogteeth · 2 years

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do u have any advice or reassurance for someone who identified as a binary trans man for a long time and then realized he’s genderfluid and is kind of panicking about whether to come out again about it or just privately be genderweird and is questioning whether to continue hormonal transition? :)

i think its super normal and even cool to have transitioned as a binary trans person and later realized you're more genderqueer/genderfluid/nonbinary/androgynous etc. i know other people who have done the same thing, and i relate as well, more with my physical transition than my identity but yeah :)

i'd say for both hrt and coming out, it depends on what would make you happiest of course! if you aren't uncomfortable with people seeing you as male and think it wouldnt be worth it to come out again bc you're already fine with your social/external gender, its totally chill to just know you're genderfluid and be genderfluid on your own, no pressure to come out. but if you think youd feel more comfortable and understood if people knew you're genderfluid and maybe changed what pronouns they use for you (obvs u dont have to change ur pronouns if u come out either) etc, coming out again could be a good option! the people who love u will be excited for you figuring out yourself more and be happy to support you, i know it can be weird to come out again, but theres absolutely nothing wrong with changing how you identify. and remember u dont have to Formally Come Out all at once, u can also just tell your close friends one at a time when u feel comfortable with it, take it slow and casual, thats how ive been approaching changing my pronouns and some complicated stuff w my name.

as for HRT, i struggled a Lot to decide if i wanted to keep taking it, for months i was unsure. firstly i made a list of all the effects T had on me, positive and negative, and wrote each thing i thought about into two columns on a piece of paper (staying on T vs going off T) which helped me sort out on a practical level what going off it would mean. but its really all about the vibes lol like its completely cool for u to continue T and still be genderfluid, you don't have to meet any standard for androgyny, if you like being on T thats sweet. if you want to be read as more androgynous or feel like going off T would be more congruent with your identity, thats also great. and remember you can always go back on it in the future if you want!

everything i said was really obvious but yeah. its awesome that u have learned more about yourself and accepted it as part of you. whatever you do from here is up to you, and any path you take is great. personally, i find it worth it to re-come our to my closest friends and be open about changes in my gender identity and presentation, it helps me a lot even tho its a hassle to deal with. but as for acquaintances and strangers idc about coming out since any way they read me is whatever

it has been strange for me going very far with my physical transition (3years on T and had top surgery), and then deciding to go off T and present more purposefully feminine/androgynously. i love it tho its fun to explore now that i can choose with ease to be a boy or a girl or neitherboth etc since my body is v androgynous/masculine. love to be a girl with masculine features and love to be a boy with feminine features too. teehee

good luck i hope whatever you do makes u happy!!!

#transition #gender

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paradoxnbstuff · 6 years

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this dumb bitch decided to make up my mind about top surgery once and for all and aside from just also wanting to do cool makeup again i took like an hour and did nice makeup and actually put on a bra (that i had to fill quite a bit bc i have no titty now lmao) and wore like. one of those cool v neck skin tight crop tops i always shy away from now and a pair of matching womens joggers designed to accentuate hips and like. took a minute. and figured out how i felt about it. and the biggest thing that made me really sad is how good i looked? like how easy it was to look like a fucking incredible 10/10 for a cis woman of my age. like. im not an incredibly sexual person but my god id be speechless in front of me any day of the week. and it was real fucking bittersweet because thats what id look like if i were comfortable being cis. and its exactly the aesthetic i love seeing and love on other people and i pulled it off easily and my body fit it perfectly and shit and my makeup looked incredible but after maybe 30 seconds i felt like i was about to crawl out of my skin and the thought of leaving the house was like completely untenable. and fucking christ. life. very obviously isnt fair but i feel like it needs to be stated. and yeah there are good things about being trans and its not all misery all the time but sometimes i just fucking hate it. and this isnt just about me being fit and thin and hourglass and shit amd thats why im sad that i look good if i were comfortable looking like a woman and its some sacrifice or some shit. its that the amount of effort and struggle that ive gone through for years and still do day-to-day just to be even partly okay with how i look and going through hrt and working out to try to make myself fit into a shape that is so so very far away from me and knowing i kind of look silly and ill-fitted and knowing i dont look my age when i dress in clothes that i can stand to have on me. and having the knowledge directly in front of me that the alternative is so fucking easy is like a slap in the face to all that work and i hate it.

that got real off topic but. point is i kept holding out because of mostly insecurity. like. no matter what i can still looking fucking incredible as a woman for my age!! maybe id just enjoy the ability to do that sometimes when i want to just to take a break from all this effort! etc etc. but like. nah. i gotta kind of make a choice at some point to stop second guessing myself. i know what makes me comfortable and happy to go outside and be seen as despite the fact that my shoulders are a bit too narrow to fill out shirts and my hips are a bit too wide to let things hang correctly, and its going to take a lot of work to make those things better, and theyll probably never go away completely. i shouldnt keep the easy option of looking cis as a backup because im scared of committing to maybe never passing as cis again or looking as good either way. especially not if it means hindering my progress in the directions i know i should be going in to relieve dysphoria.

anyways top surgery is a thing i know for 100% certain i want now and it only took making myself violently dysphoric by choice for 10 minutes and a long ass talking to myself to figure it out woohoo

#cw dysphoria #im doin my best gdi #anyways

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michaelmilkers · 6 years

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Genuine curiousity, how does someone stop being dysphoric? I always thought it was a constant thing, but social/medical transition helped to alleviate it to a point it wasn't felt anymore. As someone who's dysphoric, is it possible that I'll never feel it after tranaition, or did you do it another way,?

in terms of transitioning the only thing that really caused me dysphoria was my menstrual cycle. the time i attempted suicide was after waking up to the bleeding and just feeling absolutely awful about it.

but honestly i think a lot of peoples dysphoria can be attributed to the environment they are in. back when i was still in public school i was one of those trans people whos like SURGERY HORMONES SURGERY HORMONES SURGERY HORMONES. it was all i thought about and i hated myself and i hated being trans. but then i switched to a much smaller, much more flexible private school and decided to be open from the very start about being trans instead of being forcibly outed like i had been in public school and after a little while when my overall quality of life and mood was improving so was the dysphoria.

i mean, i dont dislike my body. im happy with the way i am. if the process of getting gender affirmation surgery was i go to a fucking clinic spend 500 dollars and walk out an hour later with a different body i would do it, but thats not the case. its expensive and you have to find someone to do it and you have to find someone to do it who wont fuck it up and there are scars and possible life-threatening complications and recovery time and so for me it is nowhere near being worth it.

im a lot more of a like. zen person. in general. despite how i may act online sometimes. i have a great relationship with my parents, i stick to my values and morals, and i indulge in the things that make me happy. i think it is definitely the case for some trans people that dysphoria never really truly goes away, but it is 100% possible to make it better without medically transitioning. for me besides the menstrual cycle (and a little bit with my voice) hrt was really just about aesthetics if that makes sense. it was still really really important to me but it didnt rly get rid of dysphoria that i never rly had in the first place about my body. it mostly caused gender euphoria if anything bc it was very validating if that makes sense.

i hope this answered ur question at least partially

#Anonymous

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mukhannath · 6 years

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I don't know why people keep expecting androgynous having to mean "hairless boy" like that "no hrt" person. Having hair and growth can be exactly what a nonbinary person wants or surprising changes might not be unwelcome in the end. I'm not on t but I do have a hormone imbalance thing that works like I were on t and thus can't start actual hrt bc my cocktail of hormone supplements is keeping my body functioning and taking additional t would lead into hospitalisation (according to hormone 1/5

specialists). So, when I actually started growing a very "manly" batch of chest hair (not to mention back, knee and arse hair (sorry, tmi) and a spotty beard) and my voice lowered on its own plus other stuff when my body started to rearrange itself, I went to see my gp. Long story short all of the changes are permanent and my gp and the specialists were beside themselves and there was all sort of talk about laser hair removal and support groups bc they expected this to cause me dysphoria bc what my body had done to itself was pretty much natural hrt. Now, the thing is I'm genderless and this whole unexpected hair thing and other stuff *is* making me feel *less* dysphoric (to the point of postponing top surgery indefinitely) because it's taking me farther away from being seen and feeling "typically female" and actually makes me feel fairly androgynous in a mix'n'match type of way with my features. So I turned lasers and the rest down. I admit I was baffled when my body started changing but I had no idea what was happening unlike people who knowingly start hrt. And when I've talked to enbies who are on hrt they're aware of how there's no set order re the changes and some might be unwelcome ones. But it's not that different to what binary trans people feel. Several of them take pauses with hrt to catch up with the changes and they don't necessarily like them either. Your body is changing pretty much according to what genes you have and you have little control over that. What we need is more open discussion about what hrt does in different doses and how far do you want to go with it and how it's ok to take a break from it. Not some person with a very narrow idea what androgyny is and something against nonbinary people especially with their motivation being the shortage of t and apparently it get's wasted on enbies who stop hrt. (Because of course a youtube video speaks for every enby and no-one has ever restarted hrt...) 5/5

wow first of all thank you for sharing and sending this to me, its cool to share your story ! youre right that I didn’t point out that person’s limited idea of what androgyny is and thats probably because i have that same limited view with regards to myself. this is probably a combination of dysphoria and internalized transphobia and you know what?? also internalized racism because a lot of things that are common in my race (like dark body hair!) dont fit my own personal goals. but I recognize that this is a very harmful ideal to apply across the board and thank u for pointing out that i didnt mention that sry abt that.

youre also totally right that sometimes binary trans people arent fine with changes on HRT either. fuck lol like i dont think anyone is 100% happy with their body, even cis people going thru the expected puberty of their agab. so its pretty fuckin ridiculous to apply this double standard to specifically nonbinary people!!

also i think being frank and practical for this, a lot of the time ‘androgyny’ for a nonbinary person means doing things that move them away from characteristics that have them perceived as their AGAB. this of course isnt true across the board but it certainly is in my case and a lot of other ppl ik. that person said “Estrogen won’t just make you a little more feminine. It will make you look like a woman” and im just like... ok well it doesnt seem to be doing either of those for me because i got on it late in the game (20) but if it keep me from “male” aging then im fuckin down for any side effects.

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