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numba99 · 5 years

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The Intern - Part 3

Part 1 Part 2

summary: You are an intern at MSG, strictly forbidden to become involved with any of the Rangers. However, this becomes difficult when you catch the eye of a certain player. Word count: 2.3k

warning: nothing really just like alcohol mentions I guess and no proof reading teehee

“Good morning,” A voice chirped, pulling you from your sleep. You let out a loan groan as Jess jumped on to your bed.

“I’m trying to sleep,” you grumbled, trying to pulled the blankets over your head.

“You’ve slept long enough I need to know what happened last night,” Jess said, nudging your shoulder.

“I definitely have not slept long enough,” you replied.

“I got bagels,” Jess singsonged.

That got your attention. “Alright, I’m coming,” you sighed, kicking the covers off. Jess jumped up in excitement and you followed her out to the kitchen. Just as she promised, there was a bag of fresh bagels waiting for you.

“Bribery is a new low for you,” you said, digging through to find an everything one.

“But it worked,” Jess noted, “So some on, spill.”

“Well I am happy to report that Chris is in fact single,” You told her as you spread a layer of cream cheese over you bagel.

“As delighted as I am by this news you know that’s not what I wanna hear about,” Jess replied, pointing the butter knife at you.

“There really isn’t much to tell,” you shrugged.

Jess rolled her eyes, “Every time you say there isn’t much to tell, a shit ton of things happened.”

You sighed and gave her the run down, even though you thought it was uneventful. At least it would satisfy her. “And then we shared an Uber home. See not much to tell,” you finished.

“You’re so naive its precious,” Jess replied, “He obviously likes you.”

“It doesn’t matter how he feels, it just can’t happen,” you replied, “And I appreciate him respecting that.”

“Okay fine I will give him that, it’s cool of him to not push it,” Jess nodded, “All the more reason you should bang him though. Sounds like a greta guy.”

“You’re hopeless,” You laughed, shaking your head, “But he is a great guy, I really li-” You tried to stop yourself before you gave her ammo but it was too late.

“Oohhh you like him,” Jess grinned.

“Oh please,” you tossed a napkin at her, “You know what I meant.”

“Sure... sure,” Jess laughed.

____

The next few weeks you were riding a high. Being at MSG was significantly less stressful when you didn’t feel like you had to dodge one of the players. You were getting along great with guys and Lias never tried anything with you. You really appreciated him respecting your boundaries, and you were starting to develop a great friendship.

On top of that your workload was increasing, but in a good way. You got to be more hands on, and even write up a few posts on your own. It was really great to feel like Beth trusted you and thought you were doing well.

“Hey great game today Lias,” you said as he was packing up his things. The rangers had a come from behind win today, with Lias scoring the goal that put them over the edge.

“Thanks,” he smiled, “Definitely needed that. By the way, did Mika mention his Halloween party to you?”

“Um no I don’t think so.” You got told a lot of things from a lot of different people while you were here, but you were sure you would remember Mika mentioning his Halloween party.

“Guess I’m beating him to the punch, but he wanted to invite you. It’s this weekend at his place and you’re welcome to bring a friend. Costumes are a must though,” Lias told you.

“That sounds great I’d love to,” you replied, however it dawned on you this could be crossing a line and you wanted to check with Beth first. “I gotta make sure I have nothing else though, can I text you later to let you know for sure?” You didn’t wanna admit you had to ask your boss for permission.

“Yeah of course.” Lias took your phone and entered in his number. You chuckled to yourself as you were walking away realizing he made his contact name “Lias my favorite ranger Andersson.” It was sort of juvenile, but somehow from him it was charming.

“Hey Beth can I ask you something?” you asked as you stepped into her office.

“Sure, what is it?” she asked, looking up from the papers on her desk.

“So I was sorta invited to a Halloween party at Mika’s but I didn’t know if I was allowed to go?” you explained shyly. It felt so stupid coming out of your mouth.

Beth laughed, “I'm not your mother, y/n, you don't have to ask me permission to go out.”

“I know, but I just didn’t want to cross a line or anything. I didn’t want you to think I was trying to get around the rules,” you told her.

“The rules are against romantic relationships. Believe me, I wasn’t an intern that long ago, I know it’s fun to get asked to do stuff with players. You work hard and should be able to enjoy the perks. If it’s a big group thing, I don’t see the problem with it,” Beth replied.

“Thank you, that makes me feel a lot better,” you said.

“Of course,” Beth said, “You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, I trust you and I know you wouldn’t do anything to break that. Besides, the more the players like you, the better answers I get when you’re around. It’s a win win for me.”

“Glad I can help,” you laughed. With that, Beth told you you were free to go for the night.

You practically ran home, eager to tell Jess about it. “You’re kidding?” she squealed.

“Nope! You’re finally gonna meet Chris,” you told her.

“Oh thank god past Jess had the foresight to take off Halloween. This was all meant to be,” Jess gushed.

You smiled, sharing in excitement as you pulled out your phone to let Lias know you would be able to go. Within minutes he replied:

Can’t wait to see you

___

The day of the party you had butterflies in your stomach and you didn’t really know why... Well you knew why but you were going to ignore that. Instead, you put your energy into getting ready. You and Jess chose to be a devil and angel, you being the devil and her the angel. The costumes were basic, red dress for you and white for her with horns and a halo. It was the best it was going to get with such last minute plans. You did feel really hot in it, though, and really that’s all that matters.

“Oh wow we are both getting some tonight,” Jess said as you checked yourselves over one last time before heading out.

“No you are, I will be cheering you on from the corner,” you reminded her.

She grinned, “We’ll see about that.” She should be the one dressed as a devil.

The Uber to Mika’s place wasn’t too long and boy were your floored by his apartment. Of course you knew it would be nice, but wow, you couldn’t even begin to imagine what the rent on the thing was. It didn’t feel too crowded despite the amount of people present; a miracle for a New York City apartment party.

“Hey! Y/n, glad you could make it,” Mika greeted you with a hug. He was dressed as a soccer player.

“Okay now I don’t feel so bad about how basic my costume is,” you teased.

“You invite someone into your own home and this is how they treat you...” he feigned insult.

You laughed, then introduced Jess, who you could tell was already scanning the room for “her man.” You all chatted together for a little, but Mika eventually had to move on to greet other guests. He pointed you guys towards the bar, where you spotted Lias hanging out.

“Holy shit hes even cuter then the pictures,” Jess whispered in your ear as you approached. You hushed her with an elbow nudge to the ribs.

“Hey y/n, you look amazing,” Lias smiled, pulling you in for a hug. God his body felt so muscular, you thought. Definitely could have done without that realization. “The irony of you dressed as devil around a bunch of rangers players isn’t lost on me.”

“I hadn’t even thought of that,” you laughed, “And what are you supposed to be?” He was dressed in an all black outfit that fit his body very well.

Lias leaned his head to the side, revealing “bite marks” drawn on. “A vampire.”

“Ah so that’s why you've got red on the side of your mouth, I thought your drink just dribbled out of the side of your mouth,” You teased, to which Lias playfully rolled his eyes.

“Ahem,” Jess interjected.

“Right,” you blushed, almost forgetting she had been there, “Lias this is my friend and roommate Jess. Jess, this is my work friend Lias.” You put a slight emphasis on the word friend, though you weren’t sure if that was more for her or you.

“Great to finally meet you, Lias. I’ve heard a lot about you,” Jess smiled.

“Really?” Lias smirked at you. You gave her a death stare; she was very pleased with herself.

“Yeah I guess I talk about work a little too much, she’s probably sick of it by now,” you tried to cover.

“What's going on here?” A voice asked. You turned around to find Chris entering the kitchen with a big smile on his face. You’ve never been happier to see him, knowing it would be the perfect Jess distraction. She played right into it, introducing herself as your friend.

“Great to meet you,” Chris smiled.

“I’ve heard this place has a nice view, care to show me?” Jess asked. You marveled at her boldness.

“I would love to,” Chris replied, and he sounded like he really meant it. Jess wrapped her around him and followed him out with a knowing smile in your direction.

“Wow,” Lias said, watching them leave.

“Yup,” you half laughed. That’s Jess for you.

“Well I hope everything you told her about is good, because if not I’m sure I’ll hear it,” Lias teased. Of course he hadn’t forgotten.

“Hmm I don’t know. May be safer to stay away from her or you’ll know how I really feel about you,” you shot back.

“And how’s that?” he asked, with a slight edge to his voice. It somehow didn’t seem like fun banter any more.

Before you could answer, someone bumped into you from behind, sending your drink sloshing out of the cup and on to Lias’ shirt. They muttered a drunk and giggly sorry before pushing past you.

“Shit I’m so sorry Lias,” You gasped. You tried to catch a glimpse of who ever did it, but you didn’t recognize them.

“It’s all good, it’s not your fault,” Lias replied very calmly for someone who had held a drink on their shirt.

“Let me help you get cleaned up at least,” you said. Lias nodded, and you followed him down a hallway to the back of the apartment. You slid into a bedroom, shutting the door behind you. It was quieter here, though you could still hear the soft thudding of the music through the walls.

“Mika doesn’t mind you borrowing his clothes?” You asked as you watched Lias fling open the closet.

“This is my room actually,” Lias replied, digging through his clothes, “I actually stay here with him.

“Oh,” you replied, suddenly feeling nervous. It shouldn’t make a difference, but knowing it was his bedroom and not Mika’s just felt different. It felt wrong. Lias didn’t seem to notice, he was pulling off his shirt without a care in the world. Sure, you’ve seen him shirtless countless times - the players got changed in front of the media all the time - but it just being you and him felt almost intimate.

When Lias caught your eye he froze, and the energy in the room shifted. You just knew that he was feeling what you were. “I can leave so you can change,” you said quickly.

“You don’t have to,” Lias replied, stepping towards you.

“I- uh- I don't know it probably should,” you stammered, reaching for the knob. Lias’ hand grabbed yours, your eyes locking.

“I don’t want you to,” his voice was just above a whisper. You barely heard if over your heart pounding in your ears. The next thing you knew his hands were cupping your face, pulling you in for a kiss. You melted into him, wrapping your arms around his neck to hold him close to you.

It was like everything else disappeared. All you could think about was how good Lias’ lips felt against yours, how strong the muscles of his back felt against your fingertips. His hand slid down your body, playing at the hem of your dress and suddenly a voice entered your head.

“I trust you and I know you wouldn’t do anything to break that.”

Suddenly you were snapped back to reality. You jumped away from Lias with a gasp. Shit, you thought, I’ve fucked up big time.

“Are you okay? Did I h-”

“I have to go,” you spat out, turning away and practically tripping over yourself to get out the door.

“Shit, wait y/n,” Lias called after you, but you ignored it. You weaved through the partygoers, scanning the room for Jess. You spotted her in the corner, making out with Chris. For a fleeting moment you forgot what just happened and was just happy for her. Unfortunately, it didn’t last and you needed to get out ASAP.

“I’m so sorry Jess, we gotta go,” you broke them up. She shot you an annoyed look, but Jess knew you Long enough to know when something was up. She nodded, realizing you needed her and told Chris she’d call him later.

And with that, you got yourself out, but not without creating a giant mess.

#l andersson #lias andersson imagine #nhl fanfiction #nhl imagines #rangers imagine #new york rangers imagine #the intern

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cheekybabycal · 5 years

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Now that I’m Broken

PART FOUR – part one, part two, part three

Rating: 14+

TRIGGER WARNINGS: mentions of abortion, light signs of depression

Warnings: swearing, unwanted pregnancy

Word count: 3.7k

Author’s note: this part... big oof. Y’all better be prepared for some real angst man, I cried while writing this. There’s also a little fluff in there because Calum is the most adorable human okay we can all agree on that. I sincerely hope you enjoy, but be ready for some tears.

Tag list: @calumsfren @it-was-a-lie @bodaciousidiot (comment if you’d like to be added)

For the next few days, Y/N felt trapped. She couldn’t sleep, she couldn’t eat, she couldn’t breathe. And Calum noticed. At first, he thought she was still mad at him for coming home tipsy, but when he asked her about it she reassured him that that was not the case and she was completely fine. She wasn’t.

She talked to Aubrey when it was really bad. When she felt like she was going crazy. When she thought Calum had had enough of her and her weird state. And Aubrey would assure her that she’s just paranoid and that she should talk to him. “I think you should tell him,” she would say. “You’ve already told me how worried he is about you. He deserves to know what’s got you so... unstable.”

But Y/N would disagree each time, telling Aubrey that there is no need for Calum to know. She’s not keeping it anyway, why should she worry him?

The day before her appointment, Y/N was a mess. More than usual. She’s just finished reading a magazine when Calum sits down next to her on the couch. He pulls out her earbuds – ones she’s worn just so she can avoid talking to him – and tilts her chin up so she can look at him. “Baby, please,” he says, his voice barely above a whisper. “Talk to me. You’ve been avoiding me all week, barely even looking at me. Did I do something? Are you still mad at me for coming home that night a l’il drunk? If it is-”

“Calum, I already told you,” Y/N cuts him off. “I’m not mad about that. You’re free to have fun, so what you came home a bit tipsy? You know I’m not that kind of girlfriend.” Calum gives her a sad smile and raises his hand to her cheek, thumb caressing the skin under her tired eyes. “Then what is it?” He asks. “You’ve barely eaten anything, and, by the look on your face, have barely slept either. Sweetheart, I’m worried.”

Y/N swallows the lump in her throat as tears start to form in her eyes. She moves away from Calum, sitting up to place the magazine, her phone, and her earbuds on the coffee table. She keeps her gaze on the glossy cover as her tears threaten to spill. She’s so tired. Tired of crying, tired of being scared. She just wants tomorrow to come so her fucking doctor can tell her she’s all set for an abortion.

“Princess,” Calum says, worry clear in his voice. The nickname causes her breath to hitch in her throat, and a tear escapes. “What is it?”

Y/N sighs, quickly wiping her eyes with the back of her hand before clearing her throat and answering him. “I... I haven’t been feeling very well lately. I must be coming down with some sort of flu.”

“Is that why you’ve been throwing up?” Calum asks. “I, I didn’t want to say anything before.”

Shit. She hadn’t realized he’d noticed. “Um, yeah. That’s it. I’m sorry if I’ve... I don’t know, made you nervous or whatever.”

“’Nervous or whatever’? Y/N my job is to be here for you. You can’t just shut me out every time you get sick. Truth is, I thought you were going to leave me.” His voice breaks slightly as he finishes his sentence. Her heart hurts. Her everything hurts. She hurt her best friend, the love of her life, by trying not to hurt him. She presses a hand to his cheek, forcing him to look at her. Seeing the tears in his eyes cause hers to spill, and she blinks them away before whispering, “I would never, ever, leave you. Calum Hood, I adore you. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” He smiles at her words, leaning down to press a kiss to her lips. It’s light and quick, and it carries all of his emotions over to her.

“I adore you, too, love. I’m not going anywhere, whether you shut me out or not.” He says when they pull away. She wants to believe him. Wants to tell him right then and there, that she’s so happy he said that because she’s carrying his baby. But now’s not the time. And she knows that the time won’t be coming soon, so she just stays quiet.

“Wanna watch something?”

“Brooklyn99?” She asks, her voice excited. He laughs and kisses her forehead. “Only if you promise to eat something.”

“If you make it,” she teases. He puts his hands up in defeat and heads to the kitchen, roasting a quick lemon chicken as Y/N gets the show ready. Aubrey was right. Although Y/N didn’t tell him tell him, just talking to him helped the weight on her shoulders. She couldn’t have asked for a better boyfriend. Or best friend, for that matter.

For the next few hours, they watch Brooklyn99, eat dinner, and snuggle into each other under a blanket until Y/N falls asleep, her head resting against Calum’s chest as he wraps an arm around her, keeping her close. He falls asleep too, and they stay like that until the morning, wrapped in each other and at peace.

He wakes up before Y/N, gently removing himself from under her and propping a couch pillow under her head. He smiles at her sleeping form, thankful that she was able to rest. He moves around the apartment, cleaning up a bit and preparing breakfast, and she wakes up about an hour later to the amazing scent of eggs, bacon, and freshly brewed coffee. The smell of it all is too good, and she has to throw the blanket off of herself and run to the bathroom to empty the contents of her stomach. Calum jogs after her, walking into the bathroom shamelessly and helping keep her hair out of the way. Once she’s finished, she flushes the toilet, washes her hands, face, and mouth. Leaning over the sink, she looks at him in the mirror before murmuring, “good morning”.

He chuckles at her disheveled form, coming up behind her and kissing the back of her head. “Good morning, love. I made breakfast, but you don’t seem to be able to keep anything down. Want some water?”

She nods weakly, following him to the kitchen. The smell is still strong, but it doesn’t bother her as much. She sits down next to him, sipping on her water as he eats his breakfast, slowly and bit by bit feeding her pieces of the scrambled eggs he’s prepared. She reminds him that she has the brunch thing with Aubrey today and that she should be heading out soon. He nods, “sure, babe. I’m not going to the studio today. Ashton might come over for a while, though. That’s fine, right?”

She chuckles at him asking for permission. “Of course it’s fine. Have fun.” She kisses his cheek before hopping off the stool. “I’m going to go get ready. Clean up before Ashton comes, okay?”

In her room, Y/N decides on some high waisted jeans and a sweater, and as she stands in front of the mirror, undressed, she can’t help but lower her hands to her stomach. She turns sideways, trying to see if she can identify a sign of a living, breathing thing in her body. She’s not showing yet, not even close, but she wants to feel her baby herself, before a stranger glides over it with a stick and some gel.

“Hey, little devil,” she whispers to her flat abdomen. “This is the first time I’m talking to you, isn’t it? Might be the last time, too. You’ve been really hard on me, you know. I’m not sure we can keep this up.” She presses her palm against the skin in the middle of her abs, swallowing the lump in her throat. “I know you probably can’t hear me yet, and you might not at all, but I wanted to say hi,” choking back a sob, she continues, “I had to... I had to say bye.”

As Y/N finishes getting ready, leaving her hair down and putting on a little bit of lipstick to add brightness to her face, her phone rings. She picks it up, looking at the words ‘Best Friend Brey’ on the screen before sliding to answer Aubrey. As always, Aubrey is perfectly on time, calling Y/N to let her know she’s downstairs. Y/N grabs her purse, making sure to shove in a number of tissues in there – she knows she’ll need them – and heads towards the main door, stopping at the kitchen to kiss Calum goodbye.

“Hey,” Aubrey says cheerfully as her best friend opens the passenger door. “How have you been?”

Y/N shakes her head, chuckling sarcastically. “How do you think?”

Aubrey nods her head, pulling the car out of park and heading towards the main street. “I meant,” she says. “Have you talked to him? Has it helped?” Y/N leans her head back against the chair, sighing before answering. “I did talk to him. Last night. He’s noticed my morning sickness, but he thinks I’ve just gotten the flu or something. You were right, though. He was worried,” Y/N says, her voice low and sad. “he thought... he thought I wanted to break up with him.”

Aubrey’s head turns to Y/N for a split second before turning back to the road. “He what? Oh shit, Y/N, you really took it that far, huh? So, what did you tell him?”

“I said no. That there was no way I was leaving anytime soon. Then he made chicken, and we watched Brooklyn99. And guess what?” Y/N asks, a little excited. Aubrey chuckles, “what?”

“I fell asleep!”

Aubrey bursts out laughing, fingers strumming against the wheel at her friend’s pride in being able to sleep. “Well I’m very proud of you!” Y/N laughs too, and she realizes that she hasn’t genuinely laughed in a while. She turns quiet, her mind returning to the nightmare that is her reality. Her fingers absentmindedly play with the material of her sweater as her thoughts start to drown her again. She can hear Aubrey talking, but the words aren’t registering in her brain, going in one ear and coming out the other.

“Earth to Y/N,” Aubrey calls out, startling Y/N out of thought. “Sorry, what?” she asks Aubrey, her head dizzy. Aubrey shakes her head, “I said, have you thought about... changing your mind? I mean, Calum was scared you were going to leave him, right? So that must say something about how he might react to finding out you’re pregnant.”

Y/N sat up, squaring her shoulder and clearing her throat before responding, her voice firm. “Aubrey, I have not thought about it because I will not change my mind. We aren’t ready for this baby. And so, there is no need for me to tell him.”

“But Y/N, he has the right to know. This is his child, too, you can’t just make the decision to terminate without asking his opinion first.” Aubrey says, growing frustrated. “I don’t want to tell you what to do but seriously, this is kinda unfair.”

“Unfair?” Y/N asks. “Aubrey, unfair is getting into an argument with your sibling and your parents taking their side. Unfair is your teacher taking marks off your test because she thought you cheated but you didn’t. Unfair is not a human coming into a world that’s not ready for it.”

The rest of the ride is quiet, neither of the girls speaking to each other. The tension between them is almost unbearable until finally, finally, they reach the doctors’ office. Aubrey pulls the car into a stop, parking it quickly. She turns to Y/N, who’s still looking out the window. “Hey, hon,” she says, gently touching her shoulder. “I know this is all overwhelming, but I need you to know that just because I don’t always agree with you doesn’t mean I don’t support you. Y/N I will always support you.”

Y/N turns to her friend, smiling and nodding her head. “I know, Brey. And I’m so grateful to have you in my life. It’s just... this is– it’s different, okay?”

“I know,” Aubrey agrees. “Now let’s go see this baby of yours.”

After waiting for what seemed like forever, Dr. Willis’s secretary finally calls Y/N’s name and leads her and Aubrey to the room in which the doctor would meet them. And sure enough, a middle-aged, blonde haired woman walks into the room a few minutes later. “Miss Y/L/N, correct?” she asks, a kind smile on her face.

Y/N stands up, stepping forward to shake her doctor’s hand. “Y/N is fine, and yes. Nice to meet you.”

“Very nice to meet you too, Y/N. Now, do you know why you’re here?”

Y/N nods her head, her gaze falls to her shoes as she answers, “yes. I’m pregnant.”

Dr. Willis places her clipboard on her desk. “Right, well that’s a good start. Some patients only come in because they think they’re pregnant and need me to check for them.” She laughs, shaking her head before continuing. “Now, you took home pregnancy tests, correct? And they came back positive. So this must be a checkup appointment.”

“I, um... I don’t think I’m going to keep it, doctor.” Y/N says, her voice breaking. “I can’t...” she clears her throat and tries again. “I’m not...”

Thankfully, Aubrey steps in. “Dr. Willis, my friend has her mind pretty much set for abortion. I told her to wait until she checked if everything was fine, and then make her final decision.”

“Well I’d say that’s great advice,” the doctor approves. “Okay Y/N, if you would please sit on the chair right here... actually, lie down on it. Perfect!” She continues, helping Y/N into the right position. “Great, now if you would lift up your sweater, yup! Oh, and just undo the button of your jeans. That should do it. You’re already my favourite patient.”

Aubrey and Y/N chuckle. The doctor is kind and very energetic, and Y/N isn’t sure if this is making her more nervous or actually relaxing her. She feels strange and, of course, very, very anxious. She’s about to see her baby.

The realization hits her like a truck, and her hands start trembling. She doesn’t even have a minute to catch her breath as Dr. Willis turns back around to face her, a bottle of the special gel in her hand. She pumps some directly on Y/N’s abdomen, the coolness of it sending goosebumps throughout her body, and she shivers. “It’s cold, huh?” Dr. Willis chuckles. As she prepares the ultrasound screen and the transducer, Y/N notices Aubrey take out her phone and start recording the process.

“Uh, what are you doing, Aubrey?” she asks her friend, raising her head up from the chair, confusion evident on her face

Aubrey shrugs, “I feel like you’re gonna want to see this later. You know, when you’re not super stressed like you are right now. I know my best friend. Don’t worry, I haven’t started recording yet. I will once she starts the actual gliding-over-your-stomach part.”

Dr. Willis’s places the transducer on the system’s desk next to her before turning her attention back to Y/N. “Before I start, I'm going to ask a few questions, alright?”

Y/N hears the faint sound of an iPhone starting to record and she holds herself back from rolling her eyes. “Yes, that’s alright.”

“Okay,” Dr. Willis starts. “When did you discover you were pregnant?”

“A week ago,” Y/N answers immediately. “Aubrey was with me.”

“Do you have any assumptions on how far along you might be?” Dr. Willis waits for Y/N’s response, but when she shakes her head, she continues. “Okay, not to worry. Any symptoms of pregnancy? Have you started craving things yet? Morning sickness?”

Y/N informs her doctor about the morning sickness that started precisely after she found out she was pregnant, but that she had felt nauseous from before. She also mentions that she has had no cravings so far, at least none that she knows of, and that she’s been having more headaches recently.

Dr. Willis smiles before turning the elevated portable desk more towards Y/N. She pulls a pair of latex gloves on, grabbing the transducer and holding it above Y/N’s stomach. She inches her sweater a bit higher and her pants’ waistline a bit lower. With every second that passes, Y/N’s breathing becomes more ragged. She keeps her eyes glued to the black and white screen that shows nothing yet as she waits for Dr. Willis to start the ultrasound.

And then, the plastic wand is placed on her abdomen, pushing the gel around in search of a fetus. Y/N’s eyes stay on the screen, the image on it moving around rapidly as the doctor glides the transducer a bit lower, turning her head to the screen next to Y/N’s head. She pushes the head of the stick a bit deeper into her skin, and a second later, in the midst of all that black and white blurriness, a white smudge appears.

Dr. Willis circles the rod, trying to find the clearest image of her patient’s child, and once she finally finds one, she keeps her hand steady as she reaches her other hand towards the screen. “You see that?” She asks, pointing to a very small, bean-shaped white area. “That, right there, is your baby.”

Y/N feels like her heart has stopped beating. The screen in front of her becomes blurry as she feels the familiar burning sensation of tears in her eyes, threatening to spill. She holds her breath, keeping her gaze on the screen as her eyes give out and tears stream down her cheeks and temple. Shakily, she lets out the breath she’s been holding and gasps for air. Y/N wants to reach out to her stomach. She wants to push the probe off herself and touch the skin above her baby’s home. She wants to cry tears of joy and she wants Calum to be here and she wants him to be excited. This is not how she imagined she would start a family.

Dr. Willis reaches for the tissue box on her desk and hands it to Y/N. She grabs it, pulling tissues out of it quickly and wiping her face. Dr. Willis uses this time to save two images of the ultrasound, remove the wand from Y/N’s stomach, and wipe off the gel. She records a few things on her clipboard before turning back to Y/N.

“Alright so, from the looks of it, you’re about 8 weeks pregnant. That’s almost two months, meaning you’re still in the first trimester. The first one is very dangerous and very important. If you choose to keep it, you have to be careful.”

Y/N turns her head around to Aubrey – who's still recording – to see if her best friend has anything to say. Aubrey looks at her friend with a sad smile on her face, turning the camera to capture Y/N’s bloodshot eyes.

“I, um,” Y/N whispers, turning back to Dr. Willis. “I don't– I’m not sure if ...”

“Okay, that’s okay. You have until the 24th week to get an abortion, but no later.” The doctor responds. “If you want, if you think it might help with your ultimate decision, you can hear your baby’s heartbeat.”

The air is knocked out of Y/N’s chest. “I can... I can hear it?” She asks, her voice barely audible.

“Yes! The embryo’s heart starts beating around the sixth week, but it can be picked up by ultrasound around 8 weeks and on. Would you like to listen to it?”

Y/N hesitates, wondering if hearing her baby’s heartbeat will result in a bias in her final choice. She’s quiet for a few minutes, looking down at her feet as she ponders the thought. Finally, she looks back up at her doctor with a decision.

“Yes.”

Dr. Willis smiles, instructing her to lie back down and do as she did before, rolling up her sweater and such. Pumping some more gel onto her stomach, she grabs the transducer, and once again, glides it over Y/N’s abdomen. On the computer, she turns a number of dials up and down, and after a few seconds, a rapid pounding ripples through the microphones.

Whatever tears that had dried in Y/N’s eyes start forming again, and this time she lets them fall. She closes her eyes as she listens to the musical beat that is her child’s existence, silent tears slipping from her eyes.

And when Dr. Willis turns it off and removes the wand from Y/N’s stomach, she wants to scream. She wants to yell at her to turn it back on and let it play forever. But instead, she wipes her tears away with her tissue and blows her nose, and waits until her doctor has cleaned the gel before sitting up.

“Everything looks great,” Dr. Willis says. “and you’re both perfectly healthy. If you decide to keep it, I’m going to need you back here every few weeks just to check if everything is going well. Oh, and you can find out the baby’s gender in 10 weeks, if you want to schedule any appointments.”

Y/N’s gaze is blank as she nods, trying to gather her emotions and thoughts into one place for long enough to be done with the conversation. “Um, what if I decide... otherwise?”

Dr. Willis tears a piece of paper from her notepad and hands it to Y/N. “I’ve written the address and the name of the clinic if you decide to terminate. The phone number is also there. The rest is up to you.”

Y/N and Aubrey thank the doctor for her time, she informs them that pictures of the ultrasound and a voice memo of the heartbeat will be sent to Y/N’s email, and they leave the building. Once they are seated in the car, still parked, Aubrey turns to her friend. “What are you going to do?” She asks, genuinely surprised by Y/N’s reaction to, well, everything.

Y/N’s eyes stare out the front window, red, bloodshot and tear-stained. She takes a shaky breath before mumbling, her voice hurt and confused.

“I don’t know.”

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