#being properly diagnosed

[milkweedman]

Oh to have a schedule thats just 'sleep on a wool blanket... maybe sneeze a little'

#my brain's doing that thing where i desperately need stimulation but nothing is Correct #i was working on turning the hell of this sock for a while but thats like a thing to keep my hands busy #and doesnt help at all with needing stimulation #might make some batts today just for something to do #its a little more tactile at least. augh. #i miss being on adderall. this shit never happened when i was actually medicated #its honestly pretty weird to have had the experience of being properly medicated and then lose it #chilhood before being diagnosed: i am so stupid and something is deeply wrong with me and i will never be normal and i want to die #childhood after being diagnosed and having access to adderall: oh my god i can do things ? and i dont feel awful ?? #the whole rest of my life after that: *seconds away from gnawing my arm off* if i were medicated this wouldnt be happening #anyway. blegh. #cats

[bigothteddies]

anyways now that the danger has passed and it’s completely pointless for anyone to worry about me I’m ready to talk about the fact that the minor medical emergency I referred to a few times on here during the holidays was when I had an (apparently) spontaneous brain bleed and spent 5 days in the ICU with wires all over my body and an emergency brain surgery to drain the blood from inside my skull.

(I’m fine now)

#unimportant thoughts #past the reoccurrence redzone and everything #but like jesus did that feel like a soap opera at the time #nothing gets the blood flowing like being told that the fact you’re walking and not in a coma is a medical miracle #anyways listen to your body and don’t forget to advocate for yourself in medical situations #I was sent home from the hospital the first time and spent an entire week with my brain bleeding before going back to the hospital #and actually getting properly diagnosed #crazy crazy time man #seriously though I’m fine I don’t need concern or attention or anything this is more of a PSA combined with a ‘wow. Crazy right?’ kinda pos

[cost-of-chaos]

.

#at the hair dressers and 1d just started playing and it reminded me how much I miss properly being on here #just a bit of an update for any moots that miss me #I dropped out of my masters and was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome which to put it lightly is kicking my ass #still learning to live with it and adapt #having to learn this thing called pacing as someone with adhd has been a struggle but I think I’m starting to understand my bodies limits #miss you all

[tittyinfinity]

I'm not going to my disability job program meeting today it's been a fucking year of no one wanting to hire my disabled ass and I'm so mentally unstable right now

#.bdo #a year of wasting my fucking time trying to find a place to live #my partner being so depressed that i haven't had a conversation w him sober in over a month #my doctors won't medicate me properly #and I get that other people who work have these problems too #but i have extremely highly sensitive emotions and go into meltdowns very easily #it's diagnosed as ''panic attack disorder'' in my files but it's the autism #i walked out of my last job in the middle of a phone call because of overstimulation #i legit can not handle anything past a certain level of emotion or i lose it #like whenever i realized my phone actually broke from me throwing it during a meltdown & not from my cats knocking it down #the way i act is not normal for someone my age and it's becoming more and more apparent

[ghostzzy]

anyway it kinda sorta feels like my life is just now starting.

#i'm 25 and for the first time i'm not wondering what's wrong with me. #now i KNOW what's wrong with me and that means i can HANDLE IT. #and look at me. i'm handling it!!!! #i can't believe i spent my entire life thinking i was weak and lazy. #i am. perhaps. very strong and brave for spending my entire adult life so far advocating for myself #in the face of family and professionals who all tried to convince me i just needed to try harder. #like. maybe actually i'm a bad bitch for being the only one out here fighting for answers #even when the answers were fucking scary and nobody else believed in my experiences!! #i've had irl folks cringe at how open i am about my diagnoses. but like. #i'm autistic i've got adhd and bipolar ii and i'm disabled with hEDS and associated neuroimmune conditions #and i'm going to be SO annoying about it because I WORKED HARD TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT. #SORRY IF IT MAKES YOU RE-EVALUATE YOUR ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT ME. ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE ME. #because i've re-evaluated my assumptions about me. and i feel so much fucking peace. #because i'm finally learning how to take care of myself properly. #and for the first time since i was 18 years old. i feel genuinely hopeful that i might actually get to enjoy my life. #ANYWAY Uhh i gotta go to bed. GOODNIGHT. #izzy.txt

[danielnelsen]

there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn

#at least i finally got my meds so hopefully i feel a little better soon #although i’m now on 20 pills per day which is Just Great #whenever i’m in remission it’s nice to just. forget sometimes that this can happen at any time #kinda wish i had the typical kinda chronic illness that people talk about with ‘flares’ #or at least triggers that i can plan around #the other times have all had an easily identifiable stressor tho tbf. idk what caused this one #the first time was whooping cough and the next few were all very major life stressors like my cat dying right after i started uni #and i think also towards the end of my honours thesis? #but this…….there’s no major stress right now. nothing wildly beyond normal #i’m a little concerned about my joints tho. they’ve been so much worse than normal the last few months #so i’m kinda worried i’m developing rheumatoid arthritis (also an autoimmune disease and it runs in the family specifically) #so if that’s happening then it could set my thyroid off? probably should get to the doctor at some point #obv i’m seeing my endo for thyroid stuff. but i should see my gp and get her to run all the autoimmune blood tests again #i’ve done that before but it’s been a few years and my ankles and knees are so painful i can’t even walk properly a lot of the time #BUT I JUST WANNA DO THINGS I ENJOY AND I CANT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT #‘oh you’re so lucky you don’t have as many obligations because you’re chronically ill’ ha ha ha please swap lives with me immediately #personal #but seriously. i wasn’t diagnosed until i was nearly 17 and we can trace it back to whooping cough when i was 12 #so it was the last half of year 6 and then all of years 7-10 and the start of year 11 of just being. uh. ‘very lazy and complaining a lot’ #and TEACHERS joking about me and my sister (who was dealing with an arguably more severe undiagnosed disease) missing so many classes #wow so funny pdhpe teacher who’s supposed to be teaching is about health #and the thing with being a mentally ill teenager is that hyperthyroidism can just look like a very severe anxiety disorder #so i didn’t go to the dr until i was too sick to go to school at all. and luckily had a good dr who did a blood test #i’m just rambling now because i can’t sleep and i don’t wanna lie here doing nothing #might go play pvz or something. that’s been keeping me entertained

[goblinbugthing]

hyperflexibility fucking sucks i wanna have Normal Joints

#technically a vent #text #buggie’s rambles #apparently. being hyperflexible and almost entirely physically inactive means Constant Joint Pain And Cramps Everywhere #thankfully the issue was diagnosed close enough to summer for me to properly start swimming therapy #(and thank god for the excuse to go swimming super often)

[dihalect]

my department is apparently no longer hybrid, but “on-site with ad-hoc remote work”. i’m just gonna see how long i can get away with ignoring that

#txt #i do have an accommodation that says i can wfh when i have a migraine. #but when i was asking for the accommodation i guesstimated that that’d intersect with my in-person days like once or twice a month. #i do absolutely need to have the option to wfh multiple times per week. #but getting an accommodation for THAT is going to be way more difficult. bc it’s not JUST migraines‚ it’s a combination of my various psych #afflictions and not-properly-diagnosed chronic pain *and* the complex whole-body rube goldberg pain machine that is my chronic migraines. #it’s not necessarily ‘i will be in unbearable pain if i do this’. #it’s ‘i will be perpetually drained and my low-level pain will be worse snd i will have no life outside of work and recuperating from work’. #it’s also weird that they’re ending hybridhood *now*. #it’s not like we’re at a particular milestone in pandemic recovery. although our admin did mention entering a ‘busy period’. #it’s not even necessary lmao. we get by fine. we get by BETTER when we’re not all there. #oh man. i just realized. everyone being on-site is gonna make the autism/anxiety so much worse. #i honestly think this policy shift might be related to me. #bc our program director started emphasizing the importance of being onsite on x days… shortly after i started working hybrid‚ but had to wfh #on some of those days #for disability reasons. #anyway. government pleeeaaase give my old lab more money so i can go back. pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaazeeeee #edited

[ayyponine]

(oh victory. stern talking to frm boss on diminished performance at work prompts local woman to finally book drs appointment and figure out wtf wrong w her <3)

#if only so i can hold up a paper and go please dont fire me. im only lacking the energy bc i havent properly digested food in about 2 months #i thought it was the stress of my abuser staying w my terminally ill mother or the increased work load you guys have been putting on me #but im STARTING to think it might be IBS a food allergy long term lack of nutrients OR. i mean cancer does run in one side of the family so #:'') ive been putting it off bc im scared to find out but. more scared of having to go back to unemployment not w my fucking rent babes #or would a serious diagnosis only INCREASE my odds of being let go bc they cant afford fr my state to worsen and need someone reliable?? aaa #not me hoping i get diagnosed: Deadly Disease Likely To Kill Me In Under A Year so i neednt worry abt anything beyond that limited time span #knowing full well it's wayy more likely to be like. make some minor changes to general life style and youll be fucking fine syndrome. anyway #whats up good morning i otherwise had a great weekend at the bbq and the free music festival. and i do have therapy later tonite

[bambirex]

Finally gathered the courage to see a therapist seeking an actual diagnosis, got told to just stop being gay.

#this is your reminder that if a mental health professional refuses to talk about the actual problem and instead keeps circling back to #something you DON'T have a problem with #and they bring their own political beliefs into the conversation #you need to get the fuck out of there #therapists shouldn't have biases and prejudices!!!!!! #therapists in the 21th century shouldn't tell you that you can 'heal' from being gay #like what the fuck!!!! #obviously i'm not going back #like karen just retire if you can't notice the actual and obvious problem and instead keep whining about how i 'chose' this lifestyle #and thus sentenced myself to a painful life #shut the fuck up and do your job properly #how am i supposed to get treated if ms Freud 2022 is my only option #i thought we were over psychiatrists recommending conversion therapy but apparently i was wrong #i didn't even go there with a sexuality crisis! #i went over there to finally get diagnosed with adhd or something!! #'you're distracted and hyperactive because you're anxious due to your sexuality' ok. you can go choke #super traumatic first experience #tw homophobia #bambi says some bullshit

[deepspaceclawstation]

It's been roughly a month (or maybe a few months?) since I've been in a depressive mood and life has lost all shine. I can't decide if this is because of the August-end events, festive season, seasonal depression, increased workload, or a mix of all of these. I'm going to go touch grass for a while and try for some vacation time in December, so I'll not be here here for a while. Sorry if I left any conversations hanging I'll catch up later!

(The tags get weird. Fair warning)

#I'm sick on top of that and people are being such. can I say cunts they are being cunts #I hate swearing (except for all the fucks I suppose) but these people are really something #I have also been so irritable and rude lately it's really messing me up a bit #Everything feels gross nowadays #If I ever get diagnosed (ocd for sure. anxiety maybe?) it's going to be so funny I have so much going on in my brain #When I was a teenager I lost my shit when I couldn't properly sort an image into one of my numerous albums or folders #and the...the term for picking skin. I don't want to know don't tell me but you know the one #and my whole thing with 'cleaning' (load bearing quotes there) #and yet I KNOW people are going to be so surprised if I claim to have ocd irl #Like. what do YOU think is going on then hmmm?? #(*****Weird (disturbing?) stuff up ahead*****) #Remember when I burned my hand (twice)? when that healed I peeled off the dead skin and. ate it #and I used to collect dried skin scabs #This is not normal behaviour I don't think #I don't think I've ever passed as NT in my life but I don't really talk about these things because I find it gross myself #This post was supposed to be a see you soon message but now it's this I guess #Bye bye

[binch-i-might-be]

tbh maybe I just need pills for executive dysfunction

#maybe then all my problems would be solved ...... #do they make those. can i have some #it's so annoying bot being properly diagnosed like hello!!!!! give me all the pills i want to function like a normal human!!! hello!!!!! #rayrambles

[sapphos-tooth]

telling my mom that it was her job and responsibility to advocate for me as a child. and to be emotionally available. and to make sure i had a healthy childhood.

but she decides to make it about her and make me feel guilty for speaking up. playing the "i guess i was a bad mother" card.

#.txt #eventually i'll cry in my room #like always... #for a decade i took responsibility for me dropping out and not being properly diagnosed #in order to make my mom feel comfortable #but that was never my job... #she's the parent #i was just a child

[elytrafemme]

smiles warmly. had a conversation with my sister about my interpersonal instability that manifests as idealization/devaluation cycles and how my anger issues are severe and actively hurt the people around me because of how uncontrolled they are and how both these things have ruined very close relationships and likely will continue to. wow i wonder if there is a diagnosis that would possibly help me get treatment for this issue that i just happen to be roadblocked from getting diagnosed with 

#nightmare.personal #don't reblog #SORRY FOR BEING MAD ABOUT IT. I'M STILL MAD ABOUT IT #I get it okay. i'm 17 (which doesn't invalidate anything) it could affect insurance (does not need to be documented) #i don't fit all the criteria (5/9 are required and i fit 7/9 and even if you exclude the ones i don't experience to a moderate or severe lvl #but do experience at a mild-moderate level i am AT 5/9 which is still diagnostic) #it doesn't perfectly encapsulate my experience in a way that's productive (nothing does for me or for anyone else obviously) #two people said that i don't have it (about 7 people said i show symptoms and both those two people have emotional biases #towards saying that which they have admitted to me and those 7 people excluding one person all lack) #but yeah i guess i can't get diagnosed with it. bummer :/ #LIKE. NOT TO BE CRAZY OR ANYTHING BUT I LITERALLY CAN'T FUNCTION PROPERLY XOXO #if anyone doesn't understand what i'm vaguing i will redirect to the coming-soon wikipedia article for #mare's long history with borderline pd

[bread-tab]

note to my ad algorithm: we already ruled out rheumatoid arthritis. next.

#perks of being an american #everyone tries to sell you drugs #ad algorithm's current opinion of me: i'm a hairy old man who deeply enjoys frozen waffles and peanut butter based candies #if the ads properly diagnose me before the doctors do im fuckin leaving #disabilityblogging #cyberpunk dystopia

[drakonovisny]

it just hit me that my problems with chewing food (i end up almost not chewing most foods at all, swallowing big pieces like a damn pelican) are linked to my pickiness in textures :o

#i just CAN'T physically eat stuff like boiled chicken skins‚ some pickled foods or seaweed for example #i end up gagging involuntarily #even when genuinely giving them another try unbiasedly #so i think during certain stages of chewing‚ the texture and the taste become overwhelming and i can't help but swallow them as is #i'm just so desensitized to this by this point that i don't even notice until i actively force myself to chew for longer #i guess i never connected the two until now because that inner feeling of: #''i need to swallow this right now! this is unbearable!!!'' #didn't register as disgust‚ cause it wasn't followed by gagging #i don't really know what to do with this information now #this problem combined with my constantly ''happy hormones'' chasing neurodivergent brain (''give me something yummy‚ i'm bored!'' syndrome) #already caused me several health issues #guess it's time to re-evaluate which foods i actually like fully and not just tolerate for the taste... #love being a neurodivergent young adult discovering these things about myself after years of torturing myself #because i was never diagnosed properly as a kid 😔 #this is probably oversharing but oh well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #i guess i'm just looking for connection with people with similar experiences #about me #neurodivergent experiences #autistic problems #adhd things #drunk posting