ayyponine

[ayyponine]

writers and artists will go "this isn't good enough." my brother in christ, you're creating something new out of nothing and expressing yourself creatively. your productivity and unrealistic standards of perfection do not define you or the worth of your art. you're doing great.

#:'))) #signed up fr a new RBB event #maybe i WILL finish my own fic before writing one fr someone else after being stuck fr months bc i think im cringe... just maybe...

[ayyponine]

"If you could see your whole life from start to finish, would you change things?" Arrival (2016) Dir. Denis Villeneuve Movies watched in 2024

[ayyponine]

scientific data

[ayyponine]

”Oh I’m not leaving”

(siblings)

#♥️

[ayyponine]

y’know when you’ve done smth embarrassing and you just have to sit and hear white noise in your ear while ur brain is trying to process what you just did

#omfg

[ayyponine]

Fandom is rotting my brain truly not me looking up must sees fr a Vienna citytrip and going like oh the staatsoper seems nice.... *seeing picture of interior w the stairs like gasp! nice tux by the way???

#staatsoper beautiful gorgeous stunning impressive classy etc etc #but also oh damn this is where ilsa ate and girlbossed hard while ethan and benji got their absolute shit rocked!!! hell yeah brother #theres like at least three stunning locations per movie i straight up forgot they sent my guy to vienna. impeccable #catch me a few more weeks frm now taking their subways and feelin myself like wow........just like benji....

[ayyponine]

you can't take a picture of this - it's already gone.

one year since i moved out of my mom's house to live on my own. all this clutter and stuff came to the apartment w me but still, i am unable to really call it home. before i even lived there we lived in a different house which i was then longing to return to post-divorce so i know change is inevitable and it's all just part of how life goes but still it's like. will home ever stop feeling like a place and time you only keep growing more distant from every day. idk

#mine #my old bedroom pictures w bonus photo of our living room. i still go there hell im going there tonight we will watch tv as usual #the living room still looks p much exactly the same as it does in that photo w a sofa for each coasters ready fr tea & tv slightly tilted. #and in the room that once was mine i still have a bed to sleep in. but they're not my sheets and there's no personal clutter in sight. #mom got these grey oak cabinets that hold spare blankets and toilet paper. it's her laundry room where she hangs laundry to dry. #the orange wall w my mural is still there. i remember how the sunlight would sometimes hit that wall and reflect back deliciously bright. #she's looking forward to painting it a soothing green maybe later this spring or summer. it's gonna be the final step of redecorating. #im still welcome to stay over but it's not my house anymore. im expected to leave fr an address that doesnt really feel like mine either. #idk ive been feeling like. a tree collecting rings but not being entirely sure the core is still under there yknow. and i wanna go back.

[ayyponine]

I just want to remind you that sometimes your life really doesn't begin until you are 26+... Romanticizing and obsessing over our youth is harmful. Growing up is beautiful. Discovering who you are and how you interact with the world is a gift. Maturing and learning what you truly want out of life and living in that purpose brings fulfillment and peace. Your life is not over in your early 20's because you haven't figured it out yet, it's just beginning.

[ayyponine]

slant of light

#OUAGH #favourite

[ayyponine]

when i was a teenager it felt very revolutionary to be cruel to myself. like some kind of slow passive protest against how much everything hurt. i starved myself of sleep and food and tenderness because it felt right. it felt sharp and angry and radical and i wanted to be those things. adulthood is the realisation that the world is already working to cut into you well before you learn how to do it yourself. caring for yourself and others is the real protest

#inspirational

[ayyponine]

sorry sense8 season 1 finale big climactic showdown w everyone tuning in to help still so funny to me. i can hack on a global scale. i can kick ass. i can act like no other. i can jumpstart a car. i can drive this car into a helicopter and kill us all. i can relive my trauma like you would not believe

#live your life as though youre tryign to benefit your cluster i guess #but also every life has worth and value and (dghda voice) everything is connected. and even if you seem insignificant you do fit in on a #larger scale even if you can not see it yet. soorry file under shows that were lovingly and skillfully crafted just for me. <3

[ayyponine]

straight vampires are so unrealistic

[ayyponine]

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt “The Torn-Up Road” by Richard Siken “A Softer World: 310” by Joey Comeau & Emily Horne

[ayyponine]

“I don’t think that I accepted that I wasn’t gonna die young until I was 26 or 27. I really don’t think I fully…when I was 14, 15, 16, 17–I mean I knew as sure as I know that I am wearing green shoes that I was going to die before much happened. It was a certainty for me. And I had shaken off the directly suicidal urge by the time I was 21 or 22, but I still was pretty sure I was going to die pretty young, it really felt like an inevitability. It takes a long time to realize no, you’ve changed…if you shared those feelings with people at some point you go, ‘well, I guess we’re going to stick around.’ And it’s a funky thing to admit because there’s a part of your inner younger self that kind of judges you for that.”

John Darnielle fucking me up with the single most relatable thing he’s ever said

[ayyponine]

in a train right now, i can see the city lights and i feel so so overwhelmed

[ayyponine]

going thru mood swings makes me feel like a sim its so embarrassing

#😭 #gpoy

[ayyponine]

Special heritage day in the city. Yeah.

#mine #i had a good time until i think the depression possibly over stimulation started to hit and i was like. oh i need to go #i ran into a friend but think maybe i was cringe. and my art will never be good. and no ones ever gonna love me oauhg