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wheremytwinwatches · 4 years

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[Where My Twin Watches]: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood Episode 47

Last time: Winry interrupted Ed’s Sandwich Time, Pride told Al to take a nap, and Bradley got Operation Valkyrie’d. Onwards!

Narrator’s saying how Al was captured by the Goths on Promised Day Eve, and now he’s floating in the Whitespace. Probably not a good sign. A voice (Truth?) tells him to wake up- [Pride]: “It’s too soon for you to die. We aren’t done with you yet. There’s still so much work we have in store for you.” Well. This is going to be a cheerful episode, isn’t it? Episode 47 - “Emissary of Darkness” Way outside of Central there’s a ramshackle village, a bunch of people in rough clothes working the land. Wait why are you asking what the town is called Ed, are you lost? Central is like, clearly visible over the trees. Never mind then, guess this is where Beard’s been hanging out instead of Uncle’s stomping grounds. Sorry dude, but your lunch is getting interrupted by your estranged son and his- I mean, Greedling’s crew. So last time they saw each other it was over Mama Elric’s gravestone while Absentee Anime Father chided Ed for burning down the house. How’s this conversation going to OH SHIT [Beard]: “Edward, I didn’t thi-”

So Beard goes flying from, let’s be honest, a well-deserved punch. I mean we know that he’s on the side of the good guys now, but still. Absentee Anime Father has some explaining to do. Beard’s meeting his son’s new friends ([Lion/Gorilla]: “Ha, no.”), quickly identifies Greedling’s Goth nature and whoosh the Shiny Glasses are back. Eh, this is Beard we’re dealing with after all, guy can’t just give backstory without pulling up his Mysterious Shields. Later that night Beard’s finished storytime, Lion and Gorilla are sitting in shocked silence while Ed struggles with- oooh yeah. He’s spent a large chunk of his life searching for a Philosopher’s Stone to repair his and Al’s bodies, and now learning that he was raised by a “living stone”? Hell, conceived by it. Then Beard offers himself to restore his son’s bodies wat. Oh Leto thank you Ed, the young man’s yelling about how he’s not going to sacrifice innocent souls to fix something that’s their own fault. Beard’s proud to hear his son feels that way. Right, now that everyone’s caught up on the past, what’s going to happen in the future? Apparently there will be a solar eclipse tomorrow that Uncle’s going to “harness for his scheme”. What, is he going to overthrow the Fire Nation? Beard says he needs Ed’s help- [Ed]: “Help you?! Now look here, I’m gonna stop that bearded bastard, but I’m not doing it because you want me to help you! Our best chance at beating this guy is to team up, and that’s the only reason I’m even talking to you right now!” Yeesh. So Ed’s still harboring a lot of ill will towards Beard, storms off after that diatribe as the rest of Greedling’s crew heads off. Except Ed pauses oh yeah Granny asked him to pass on a message, Mama Elric’s final words: [Mama Elric]: “Sorry I couldn’t keep my promise… but I’m dying first.” Argh. And when Ed spins around to keep yelling at Beard, he sees the living Philosopher's Stone staring up at the night sky, crying. Out in the ramshackle village, Ed and the Chimeras are eating while the two men try talking him into giving Beard a chance, maybe ask why he took the Absentee Anime Father route. Ed’s still awfully bitter though, not helped by Greedling jumping into the conversation, pointing out the irony of Ed’s father being his early Quest Item. Ed says there’s more to it than that. Back at the campfire Beard’s thinking about the family picture, when Mama Elric was talking about how someday she’d grow old, that she’d be right there when he left for his Mysterious Mission. But we know how that all turned out. And it has to be said, he’s probably thinking about how he’s one of the most powerful beings in the setting. Maybe he could have healed her illness if he had stayed home? Yes at the cost of using his Philosopher’s Stone blood, but it’s still there. For now, Beard sits talking about how she stayed with him, how he wasn’t there beside- wait. [Beard]: “Tomorrow, ‘Trisha…” DEATH FLAGS WAVE WILDLY Like holy crap, the dude’s sitting by a campfire on his own the night before a big mission, looking at a photo of his dead wife and talking about how he wasn’t around. That’s… wow. Calling it now, Beard’s going to bite it. Taking all bets, I’ll bet Tephi a new book of her choice that Papa Elric will be gone inside of five episodes. The Dramatic String Music is starting up. Ed’s getting red cloth aw buddy why are you going back to your old red cloak? I liked the white outfit, you could have pulled off a good Gandalf.

See, Lion and Greedling agree with me, the Goth of Avarice even calls it flashy. But no, Ed’s all “this may be our final battle”, so he wants to do it in what he considers ‘style’. Fine, just promise no cars this time around. The Greedling Crew’s leaving? What about Beard, the Living Philosopher’s Stone you’re supposed to work with? Ed’s saying that the others can bail if they want ([Greedling]:”Hey now, I’m the boss!”). If they’re after restoring their bodies- [Gorilla]: “These bodies do have their perks. To be honest I really don’t mind staying like this.” [Greedling]: “Hahaha! Yeah, now that’s the spirit!” YES. THANK YOU. So anyway, the Chimeras are all “we’ve got nothing better to do, might as well help save the world” and Greedling’s… not telling Ed why he wants to go back to Central? Eh whatever, after his tiff with Bradley I don’t think he’s going to try and team up with the other Goths again. Wouldn’t put it past him to try and claim the title of Fuhrer in the chaos though. But even if he tries pulling that I think Ling would protest, and he’d have to deal with Roy Mustang (aka the guy who killed Lust) and Armstrong the Great. So yeah, I don’t see that happening. Lion pauses in the road, Ed looks around to see the holdup- Al! Did you get away from… oh no. No glowing red eyes? Walking out a dark, shadowy forest? Seen captured by the Goths and “worked on” by Pride? And yup Ed’s questioning how Al’s here when he was over with Sideburns in the East, and Greedling starts freaking out. Totally-Not-Possessed-Al ever so calmly says he needs to talk with Ed while the Creepy Strings start up, turns towards the forest- Ling yells at Ed to back up. Let me say that again, Ling yells at Ed to get away from the armor. Greed why are you trying to keep Ling from warning Ed? Crap shadows leaking from the armor and SHADOW SPIKES EVERYWHERE, Greedling and the Chimeras just barely dodge before they retract back to the armor, which slowly turns around to face the shocked Crew and then grows way too many eyes. We’ve seen Pride massacre Muggles in the tunnels, hold Riza hostage, chase after Uncle’s counterpart. Now we’ll see him actually fight. Mid-ep pictures of a grumpy Greed and a very unimpressed Grumman. Whaaaa? The Fuhrer’s remains haven’t turned up yet? Why wherever could they HE’S ALIVE DAMNIT. Oh hey General Grumman continues to be competent, he’s personally overseeing the search since he “won’t be able to comfortably sleep at night ‘til I see his corpse with my own eyes”. You go, trope-savvy General. But wait, what about leading the Eastern/Northern forces to Central? Uh. Hmmm. Well. Seems that General Grumman’s conniving extends to his “allies” as well. He just “has” to stay and oversee the search for the Fuhrer, meaning his troops are stuck with him. If Roy and Armstrong the Great make their move now, Bradley’s still-intact leadership (along with Uncle) will capture them. Then Grumman can step in to fill the power gap. [Grumman]: “They’ll take the fall as enemies of the state, while General Grumman will heroically come riding in on a white horse. I’ll let the youngsters dive head-first into danger and do all the dirty work. And then I’ll take my rightful place as leader of this country without any risk.” Holy shit. So Grumman is actually a conniving old schemer who plans to use the good guys to make his own power play. Not quite as bad as Raven, but damnit man I liked you. Thankfully Sideburns suspects Grumman’s motive and is withholding his trust. Back to Greedling’s Crew and Armored!Pride. Greedling confirms that it’s his “oldest brother” piloting the armor now, Pride shows off Al’s sigil. So now Ed has to fight his unconscious brother, and hold his punches so he doesn’t disrupt the sigil. This isn’t going to be easy. But at least he has backup- [Gorilla, hiding behind a tree with Lion]: “Our animal instincts are telling us to stay the hell away from that thing.” [Lion]: “It’d probably be smart for you to run too!” Well, this is the First Goth. It’s not really fair for me to expect them to fight it, even Toad and Boar kept to the sides against Envy. But Ed can still fight, and since he’s a Sacrifice then Pride can’t land any killing blows. Unfortunately Pride knows that, and that people can survive without all of their limbs… Pride’s just standing there as shadow blades strike all around the dodging Ed, who’s talking about keeping the Goth away from the slums. He Earthbends up a wall but Pride just smashes right through it and YIKES thank goodness Ling had his Ultimate Shield or he’d be dead, but Pride just latches on to his limbs and tells Ed to stand down or he’ll hurt Ling and the villagers. But Ed’s smiling? [Ed]: “I think it’s about time I start winning some of these fights for a change!” He transmutes the ground wait there are sparks heading straight toward the village OH! Well, it kinda sucks in the long-term that Ed shorted out their electric grid, but for the short term? No bright lights means… well it would mean no shadows if it wasn’t for the moon and stars. Or not? Apparently the moonlight is so weak that there aren’t any shadows near the forest anymore, all of Pride’s limbs vanish. Ed and Greedling exposit that they can’t see anything in the darkness, but Pride can’t cast without the strong light-source. What’s this about Pride’s shadow? Oh, so he’s controlling the armor by touching the armor’s shadow! Meaning that Pride’s just inside the tree-line, and Al’s armor is free from his influence. Quick, grab it! Oooh, but this means that our heroes are going to have to fight, maybe even kill an apparent child. Yeesh. Anyways, apparently the sky is “completely overcast” so that resolves the moon/star issue nicely. For now, Pride waits- Lion! Haha, looks like their noses are all better after Ed’s chemistry lesson. Holy Leto Lion is just unloading on Pride, the Goth chides him for attacking a child but Lion yells that he knows full well what Pride actually is, along with his animal instincts that are blaring “WRONG WRONG KILL IT BEFORE IT KILLS YOU”. Outside the trees Ed and Gorilla meet up, the chimera says they need to book it. But what about Al? He should be free from Pride’s control now, without shadows to manipulate it should be safe to grab the armor and run. But Gorilla urges caution. Moving along the trees they run into Greedling who’s wondering how they tracked him down LOOK OUT GLUTTONY! So just as Lion’s using his superhuman smell and sight to hunt down Pride, Gluttony’s been used for his enhanced sense of smell to track down Greedling. Who tells Gorilla to start fighting? Dude this is Gluttony, if anything you’re the best equipped to fight him seeing how Ling took the first edition down way back when. Except yeah Greedling doesn’t have the sight or smell to fight in the dark. Fight well, Gorilla! Holy Leto he’s actually fighting well, Gluttony’s getting tossed around- [Gorilla]: “Now for the final blow!” *WHAM* [Ed]: “Why, Mister Gorilla? Weren’t we sticking close to avoid attacking each other?” Ah. Never mind then. Greedling’s thinking over how Gluttony’s got the upper hand in the dark, and they’re all screwed when the lights come back on for Pride. Except ha! Like I said, Ling’s the best counter for Gluttony as he can sense the Goth and beat him once before. Let him CRAP Ling just lost an arm oh right Goth so he could regrow his limb (sorry, souls that got used up for that fix). Wait can Ling access the Ultimate Shield? Let’s come back to that, thankfully doesn’t need it right now as Ling’s fancy Xing martial arts are knocking Gluttony down. Greed even compliments him, impressive. But now Gluttony’s mad, and oh yeah he can do that whole pseudo Gate of Truth thing. Look out for the Eraser Gun! And now Ed’s the one who can’t see the danger, Ling and Gorilla can only talk ominously about “something bad coming”- Flash of someone running by? Beard finally catch up with the group and die heroically? Wait. Wait wait WAIT. Flashes of a speedy figure, metal blades that slice through Gluttony- EASTERN MUSIC STARTING UP OH LETO PLEASE TELL ME FUCK. YES. [Ling]: “I’m glad to see you’re ok. I was wondering when you’d find me, Lan-Fan.” The ninjas are back, baby! With a badass upgrade!

#wmtw #where my twin watches #full metal alchemist #full metal alchemist brotherhood #fmab #fmab 47 #ranubis

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fairy-space · 5 years

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READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

The post under the cut talks about mental illness, knives, death. I just wanted to post a trigger warning before any of you go and start reading it.

But it’s an important story, nonetheless.

Guh. Okay. So this is something I have always had a hard time talking about because it confuses me and thinking about sometimes is a little triggering. But considering my situation and how many people follow me here, I want to reach out by telling this story in case anyone is confused and suffering like I was when this all started.

I have a form of O.C.D. called R.O.C.D. - Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

A lot of young people struggle with relationships. A lot of older people do too. But a very miniscule pecentage of people suffer from this form of O.C.D.

Every type of O.C.D. is different but this is what they all share (quoted from mayoclinic): repeated, persistent and unwanted thoughts, urges or images that are intrusive and cause distress or anxiety.

So yeah, a lot of the time we hear about O.C.D. being about people getting distressed over cleanliness or if they don't flip a light switch a certain amount of times and in a certain way then their whole family will die. To anyone without O.C.D., these thoughts might seem like normal thoughts, but in others - it's a completely different story.

I was 8 years old when I experienced my first onset.

It was summer of 2005 and my family and I had just gotten home from seeing Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It's about 10 o'clock at night and we're all going to our rooms as soon as we get home. My two sisters and I all shared a basement bedroom. Oftentimes my mom would come into the room and open the window to let fresh air in, even though I hated when she did that. She left it open that day. Being that it is a basement bedroom the window has a window well, which meant one thing to me as a kid: there's spiders in there. I hated spiders.

It was getting cold that night and because I didn't like touching the window I tried to make my younger sister close the window for me. Not having any of my shit, she refuses. So we get into a classic elementary school aged kid fight. I slap her on the back, and then she bites me so hard on my right arm that I nearly started bleeding. I run upstairs to tell on her and explain what had just happened to my mom. Her then-husband that we'll just refer to as "jackass" called my sister upstairs and yelled at my sister for biting me. "You know, biting someone like that could kill a person! Next time you bite ANYONE I'll pull all your teeth out!" he threatened. My sister, scared of what he just said, covers her mouth. Okay. We're told to go to bed and to quit fighting with each other, etc. We go to bed. It's lights out. My sisters have no trouble falling asleep, but for some reason I just can't.

"Biting someone like that could kill a person!"

"Kill a person!"

"KILL A PERSON!"

"-COULD K I L L A P E R S O N !"

I lay wide awake in bed thinking about the bite that was still on my arm.

"Am I going to die?" my head repeated.

Eventually it became so distressful for me that I ran upstairs to my mom's room, crying, and knocked on her door.

Jackass was angry that I wasn't asleep. My mom opened the door. I'd obviously woken her up. She asks me why I'm still awake.

"Mom," I sobbed out "i don't wanna die."

Annoyed that I'm still going on about it, she tells me that I'm not going to die. Jackass yells at me for still being up and tells me to go back to my room. That night I cried myself to sleep.

For the next few months of my life I was a complete nervous wreck. For some reason I couldn't shake the feeling of fear that I had from that night. I began to notice everything around me that could potentially kill me. Household chemicals, dish soap, laundry detergent, etc. I was constantly washing my hands in case anything got on me that could've been toxic. My hands became so dry that they were cracked and bleeding. In my head the thought of dying was repeating itself over and over and over. I was stressed. I was tired.

And then the other thoughts started.

Trying to lay in bed one night I distinctly remember when my brain suddenly went "What if you went upstairs into the kitchen, grabbed a steak knife, and slit your wrists open. What if you tried it. What if you tried it. WHAT IF YOU TRIED IT. WHAT IF YOU TRIED IT." The thought of it made me so scared that I would start crying.

For multiple nights I had to resist the compulsion to go upstairs and grab the knife. It wouldn't leave me alone. Eventually I gave in to it and went to the kitchen late at night, in the darkness, pulled out a steak knife, and stood there, frozen, just staring at it. I can't remember how long I stood there but eventually I put it away and went back to my room. It seems like that finally put an end to it.

But of course! Yet another string of disturbing thoughts wouldn't leave me alone!

I was in the middle of my 3rd grade class when all of the sudden the thought popped into my head "What if your mom or grandma got into a car crash. What if they died."

This is where the grown ups around me finally started to take notice of what was happening to me. The thoughts of my mom or grandma dying in a car crash were so graphic in my mind that I would start crying in my class. My teacher stopped by my desk to make sure I was okay and then sent me to the counselors office where we called my mom and I talked to her on the phone and told her what was happening in my head. I remember my mom almost crying on the phone because she just wanted to hug me so I knew she was okay. For about two or three months after that I had numerous scheduled visits with the school counselor. Her name was Ms. Wilkins and she was the kindest person to me during that time in my life. I don't know if she's out there, but I hope she knows that she was one of the few comforts I had as an 8 year old. I want to thank her for taking me seriously when I felt like hardly anyone would.

My mom noticed that I had stopped playing, laughing, singing, and eating like I usually would. She tried to cheer me up by having a silly string fight in the basement. The silly string stuck to the cement walls for 8 years.

After some point the thoughts eventually subsided, and I can't remember anything between the third grade until high school where my second onset started.

I was a sophomore.

It was December of 2012. I had been dating my first actual boyfriend for 8 months. Everything was fine - normal even - I was having fun! High school was new and exciting and there was so much for me to do. I remember the thoughts starting the same way all the other ones did - suddenly. But for some reason I kept having them and they weren't going away. I began losing sleep and couldn't sleep alone. I started sleeping in my little brother and little sister's room because then I knew I wasn't alone at night.

These thoughts were different from what I had before. They were all about my boyfriend? That's new. I started thinking it was just normal anxiety and nothing to be worried about...until I was having panic attacks every. Single. Day.

I would constantly have these thoughts that my (now ex) boyfriend would break up with me (which did end up happening but eh, what can you do), cheat on me, etc. My mind was consistently pointing out flaws in our relationship and telling me that because "he's an aquarius and I'm a scorpio we're not compatible and it's not going to work out". I know that sounds silly...but at one point the zodiac became such a point of distress for me that I had to drop it altogether. I mean I couldn't even look at any of it, not even for fun.

At other times I was constantly doubting the thought of whether or not I loved my boyfriend, and as a result of the stress, I was unable to feel a full range of emotions, including the positive ones I would often get from him. That would send me down even further. Other distressing thoughts would include "Do I act like myself when I'm around him?" "Can I act like myself around his family?"

I was always being bombarded with the compulsion to break up with him. They became so intense that at one point I almost went through with it (in the future this symptom would come back to haunt me and I actually went through with it twice during other ventures). I've developed what are called "checking" behviors as well. "Checking" behaviors are when your O.C.D. tricks you into questioning the thoughts to make sure everything is okay, but what it's actually doing is making the symptom worse because you're giving the thought substance to begin with.

Often times I would feel too anxious or too depressed to really do anything because of this. I had "lost" my sense of passion in the relationship (at intervals) because I was constantly checking to see that it was still there and that would stress me out further. I would constantly Google what a healthy relationship would look like and I was obsessed with making sure that we fit whatever it was I found. These intensive Google searching periods would often lead to panic attacks.

Any time a romantic movie/situation was on TV I had to leave the room or change the program because it would give me panic attacks. Most notably Jim Halpert and Pam Beasley from "The Office" were a big trigger for me. I used to think that Roy (Pam's ex boyfriend) reminded me of my high school boyfriend. My thoughts would go "Well he looks kind of like my boyfriend, and I relate to Pam, and they broke up, so that means we're going to break up!" There was hardly any base of logic or truth in any of what was happening in my head. It was - and still is - all irrational.

After the relationship with my high school boyfriend had ended, I didn't really date around too much. But I was always thinking about what had happened and why, when I was suddenly single, did most of my anxiety and panic attacks stop? I began reading book upon book about self help and "how to make myself ready for love" because that's what I thought the problem was. It wasn't me and never was me...it was my brain.

Then...I met Tyler. Well, I met him online. At first I didn't want anything to do with him. He just added me on a whim because he thought I was cute. So I accepted his Facebook request and after months of communicating online we realized that we had fallen in love with each other. We met in person over a year ago. I noticed at the beginning of our relationship that these feelings of fear and anxiety had come back. I was so frustrated when they did, lmao. It just proved again that it had to be something with relationships! But this time I was careful to examine the way that this anxiety was acting. I made sure to talk to people when I felt scared. Luckily my sister and her boyfriend (that helped get Tyler and I together in the first place) were there to help me transition into the relationship. Eventually I lost the training wheels and we were and are still doing just fine. I noticed the symptoms came and went and I explained to Tyler the nature of my anxiety and without my knowledge began to actually take the reigns of my R.O.C.D.

I remembered that during high school I was sent to an actual therapist for my panic attacks. She had diagnosed me with G.A.D. (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) with O.C.D. tendencies after some months of treament. At this point in my life, I was more curious about the O.C.D. tendencies than having G.A.D. (which I now know was a misdiagnosis - if I continued treatment I know she would've gotten to the actual root of the problem). I now have a rule that I cannot Google anything pertaining to relationships or relationship advice because it is a compulsion to do so. However - I decided one day to Google the two words that finally clicked into place in my head when I was thinking about it: "relationship ocd". And to my surprise, it's an actual subset of O.C.D.! I was suffering silently for SIX YEARS and I've finally put a name to what's been causing me so much trouble!

Some days are worse than others, I can tell you that. Some days are really good too. But if you are suffering the same way I did, it's okay. You're not alone. There's guaranteed to be more than one person that feels the way you do. I was lucky enough to find a Facebook support group for the disorder and after reading people's stories in the group I felt like I had finally found some solid ground. All I have to give is love to anyone that has suffered from this subset or any other subset of O.C.D.

Treatment is out there. Recovery is possible. You are not alone.

I know this story was a little winded and quite long, but it's an important one for me to tell. I am very embarrassed talking about my symptoms to people that have no idea what it's like to deal with it. Some people know that I have O.C.D. but I can't ever tell them what kind. So that's why I'm telling this story. I want to become more comfortable with the fact that it is a part of me and that it's just something that's there. It's not a reflection of me as a person, it's just something that developed because the people in my family are at risk for developing anxiety disorders...

...And this one is mine.

#trigger warning #mental illness #ocd #obsessive compulsive disorder #text

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