#because yes i'd love to see obi-wan and anakin in those early days | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lokilickedme · 6 years

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Hello My Lady! Just because you asked, here are my faves of yours: #1 King (no surprise here), #2 Jack (too crazy not to love, and the stream crossing of pretty much all your stories is genius) #3 Chem/BD/TTW/TKH/TWK/can't remember them all. They're all special in their own way! Can't believe it'll be 3yrs soon since I started squatting your page!!! God time goes by fast! I'd like to add a special mention for the Muse Meetings, sooo funny, and a Golden Snowflake to Aleks. Cute little bumkin.

Thank you @fudgemuffinanon! Dear god, has it been that long? Seems like I joined up last year…*sits here blinking at my posts from 2015, wondering how that happened*

**LONG TEXT POST COMING UP**

You drew the lucky straw today my darling, I’m feeling wordy and in the mood to share. A lot of people have asked me over the last couple of years how some of my stuff came about, and you mentioned one that gets a lot of asks.

Lemme tell you something about the Muse Meetings. Way back in 1998 when I got my first computer, one of the very first things I ran across by way of internet fanfiction was a little something called The Very Secret Diaries penned by a writer named Cassandra Claire (who is now professionally published under the name Cassandra Clare). The Very Secret Diaries (which are hilarious, btw) woke something up in me - mainly because, as a lifelong writer who had never allowed anyone to read 95% of my work, I finally realized that yeah, there were other people out there whose brains deviated from the standard in the same way mine did. Her writing style back then (in the Diaries specifically, I’ve never actually read anything else she’s written) was very similar to the way I wrote, and those Diaries were exactly the sort of silly, ridiculous, irreverent thing I’d scribbled in my notebooks for most of my life. And people liked it, she had a huge following based on just those out-of-context glimpses of her characters’ personal thoughts. She was writing behind the scenes thoughts of characters, things that would never make it into books, and it was brilliant. That was the kind of stuff I loved to write but had never given myself permission to show anyone. She was showing hers to people, and they were loving it.

Which gave me the inspiration to not only put my work out there in the public eye for the first time ever, but to stick with my personal writing style (which I’d always assumed wasn’t what other people wanted to read, based on the books I’d been exposed to most of my life). Not change anything. Just do me. And doing me meant writing silly nonsense if I wanted to.

So - The Very Secret Diaries are more or less the inspiration for the Muse Meetings, or at least the official written version of them. I’d always imagined dialogues with my characters outside the confines of whatever story I was working on, but never thought anyone else would be interested in seeing me write it out.

The Diaries made me realize different. Not only were her characters yammering and complaining and snarking at each other (both out of character and in), they were doing it in exactly the way I’d imagined my own characters interacting in the real world. I loved it. Seeing someone else do what I’d always done in my head - and do it in an official, out-there-in-the-public-eye capacity, was a revelation. Finally I was able to give myself permission to write the way I wanted to, without restricting myself to the styles and methods in the books in the family library. It had always been in my head, but now it didn’t have to stay there. I could write proper stories, but I could also write what was going on in the other room, where the reader seldom gets to peek. And other people besides myself might like it because hey, there’s precedent.

That was freeing, and I am grateful to Ms Claire for that.

So, a little history that leads up to how and why I finally started writing out the Muse Meetings:

My first fandoms that I wrote for online were Harry Potter and Star Wars (Kenobi specifically). And yes, way back then (late 90′s - early 2000′s) there were already muse meetings among my characters. I’ve been doing these for a long time, and I wish the out-of-character stuff I’d written back then still existed (my HP stuff bit the dust when The Restricted Section shut down, and my SW stuff was on FF.net for a little while but honestly I don’t remember my user ID there or the titles of the fics, though I have searched…so they’re most likely lost as well). It’s sort of a shame because there were some old Anakin/Obi-Wan muse meetings that you guys would have loved…and the stuff between Remus and Sirius while we were hashing out what was going to be in their next chapter? It still pains me that it’s all lost, but maybe it’s for the best. That was nearly two decades ago, we move on to bigger and (hopefully) better things.

After my urge to write HP fic fizzled out I stopped writing for a while, but there were always muse meetings going on in my head for stories I scribbled mentally. To me they’ve always been more fun than the actual stories, which explains my love for gag reels and behind-the-scenes featurettes for movies (I watch those first, always).

And then I found AO3 - funnily enough, I discovered it while searching the internet for one of my lost HP fics - and I decided to start writing in earnest again. With all those thousands and thousands of fics and endless fandoms, it seemed like the perfect place to indulge my need to share what went on in my head. And as I settled into the MCU and my stories started to grow to include multitudes of characters, those impromptu staff meetings with my muses kept being called to order. Stuff that my characters would never say in the context of their stories got said. Scenarios that were too ridiculous to waste time writing were played out. Arguments and fights and bantering between characters who, in the restrictive confines of their own tales, would never in a million years interact…now they were throwing poptarts at each other (and occasionally knives) while the side characters wandered out of the room to watch TV or raid the fridge or sat in horror as someone’s until-now unassuming wife brandished a melon baller as a weapon.

It was messy and fun and was by far my favorite part of the writing process.

That’s what eventually became the Muse Meetings. You want to know how they escaped my head and became an official thing?

Well I’m gonna tell ya lol

One of my very first friends in here, the fantastic @elvenfair1, was one of my first readers at AO3 and she told me I should post links to my fics at this site called tumblr to bring in a bigger audience. So I opened an account here, followed her, posted some links as suggested, and she and I began messaging back and forth pretty much every night as we wrote our respective fics, bouncing ideas off each other and discussing plot points and brainstorming for character names. And as my characters sassed me and refused to cooperate with what I wanted them to do, I would tell elvenfair what was going on in my head with my dumbass OCs and OFCs and we’d laugh and gripe about trying unsuccessfully to reel in our unruly muses.

And then one night back in 2015 she said “You should post this muse stuff, it’s hilarious.”

You know what the first thing I thought was? Cassandra Claire did it 14 years ago and people loved it. So yeah, I can sure as hell do it if I want. If nobody is interested in it, at least it’ll amuse me and elvenfair and that’s cool enough.

And so I did. I started posting them in here first, then as people started requesting them more I eventually moved them to AO3 in a more structured format. And now you guys have multiple Lokis hurling curses at a bartender and viciously baiting a hapless movie star while teenage versions of two other attendees flirt with unsuspecting OFCs, with an occasional appearance by Thor dropping hints about future chapters and looking for fruit roll-ups. It’s messy, but it’s fun and I’ve always enjoyed writing it as a way to let my brain decompress, especially when one of my “real” stories has hit a roadbump.

Since then I’ve seen countless other professional writers doing the exact same thing - J.R. Ward even posts her own version of muse meetings on her official website AND has a published book (her Insiders Guide) that is almost entirely nothing BUT muse meetings. It’s surprising how many writers actually do this and I sometimes wonder if authors like Poe, Steinbeck, Vonnegut, Tolkien, Gaiman, McMurtry didn’t do it themselves (I’d bet money on McMurtry). Just goes to show there’s not an original idea anywhere in the universe…no matter how much you might believe you came up with it first, someone out there has been doing it for a long damn time before you - and a million more will do it after you :)

Anyway, I haven’t written any muse meetings in a while but they still go on constantly in my head. I get asked about once a week to go back to doing them, and one day I will, when I have time for it. My actual fics are struggling for writing time as it is and I made a conscious decision to weed out the unnecessary stuff in favor of “real work” (yeah right lol)…but yeah, the Meetings are still one of my favorite things and I won’t stop doing them permanently - they’ll be back.

So thank you Cassandra Claire for inspiring me to let them fly…if it weren’t for those whacked-out Diaries, the Muse Meetings would all still be in my head with only one person (me) laughing at them.

#fudgemuffinanon #long post #it's been a while since I got to talk to an adult IRL due to the kids being sick #so here have all the words at once lol

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fialleril · 6 years

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Please feel free to ignore this if you don't have anything you feel like parting with at the moment, but I'm having a bad mental health day and would really appreciate a snippet. I don't have a preference for anything in particular, except maybe something where someone is justified in their anger (aka like 3/4th of everything you write, which tbh is probably my favorite part of your fics - I love it when characters are allowed to be angry). I'd be happy with anything though really

Hi anon! I’m really sorry I’m replying to this late, but I hope you found some good coping strategies and I hope that you’ll still find something good in this snippet, late as it is.

Also I’m both amused and delighted by your description of my writing priorities. :)

So this is a bit from fairly early on in Anabasis, though it’s a bit spoilery for all that.

I’ve posted a lot of the bits with Anakin being angry, so here for a change of pace is some angry Padmé.

In which Padmé confronts the Jedi Council and meets Shmi and Kitster.

There’s nothing at all explicit here, but just to be safe, warnings for implications of harm to children and slavery.

The Council was still gathered when Padmé burst through thegreat doors, trailed by two distraught Jedi padawans, still trying to convinceher that the Council Chamber was off limits, and by a resigned Obi-Wan Kenobi.Sabé followed after them all, managing to keep up without breaking her leisurelystroll.

The five other members of the Council all looked up at herappearance, their eyes narrowing in disapproval, all except for Yan Dooku, whowas openly smirking. But all of Padmé’s attention was for the two who stood inthe center of the room, the woman and her son, who spun now to face her, swiftand silent in a way that was all too familiar.

Padmé stared at the woman. She was worn and drab and hereyes held an anger and a sorrow so deep that it had turned to silence. She hadAnakin’s face.

Her eyes were brown, not blue, and her hair was darker whereit wasn’t grey, but the resemblance was unmistakable. It was like looking atAnakin through a strangely distorted mirror.

Behind her, Padmé heard Sabé’s faint but audible sound ofsurprise. There could be no question about who this woman was.

“Most irregular this is, Senator Amidala,” said Yoda,frowning.

Padmé drew herself up with her most regal bearing and glaredat each of the Jedi in turn.

“It seems, Master Jedi,” she said, “that you have beenwithholding information relevant to my investigation.”

The atmosphere in the room grew distinctly colder.“Cooperated fully with the Senate, this Council has,” said Yoda.

“And will continue to do so,” added Mace. His eyes narrowed.“What is it you believe we’ve withheld, Senator?”

Padmé glanced at Shmi and Kitster. They were standing stiffand straight, close beside one another but not touching. It was a protectivestance, defiant but not afraid. These were people used to having the worldagainst them.

“It’s come to my attention,” said Padmé, “that the Jedi wereaware of Anakin’s presence on Tatooine. That he was identified as a child byMaster Ki-Adi-Mundi, and left there as a slave.” She paused, swallowing backthe horror of her own reflection, and met Master Windu’s eyes unflinchingly.“It’s my belief, based on the available evidence, that Palpatine was able todiscover Anakin because of the Jedi’s report.”

Shmi stiffened, her face turning to stone. Kitster claspedher hand and stared at Padmé with wide eyes.

“Palpatine?” Shmi whispered. “You mean the Emperor? The Emperor took my son?”

The Jedi looked at one another, but they said nothing.

Padmé met the other woman’s eyes with compassion, but herwords were cool and clipped. “Yes. He did.”

She turned on the Jedi, her eyes blazing. “Did you everintend to tell me, Master Jedi? Or did you think this was somehow irrelevant tothe Senate’s investigation?”

Mace Windu’s face was thunderous, while Yoda’s eyes hadnarrowed sharply and Obi-Wan looked openly distressed. Madame Nu and MasterGallia held more neutral expressions, yet they too seemed disturbed. But it wasDooku who spoke.

“I think you give us too much credit, Milady,” he said, notunkindly. “The vergeance that Master Mundi encountered on Tatooine was, forbetter or worse, merely a footnote in his report. I don’t believe anyone hasconnected that child with our Sith Lord until this very moment. Are youabsolutely certain they are the same?”

Padmé opened her mouth, ready to present her evidence, butbeside her Shmi had tensed and stood now thrumming with barely controlledemotion.

“Of course I’m certain!” Anakin’s mother snapped. “He is my son. I knew him then, and I know him now,even if he doesn’t remember me. I will always know him.” She trembled as shespoke, but her voice was steady and hard as steel. “I wanted a better life forhim. He deserved better than a slave’s life. And when the Jedi sent MasterMireus, when he said they’d reconsidered,I sent Anakin with him. I wanted him to be free.”

Padmé breathed in sharply, and at the sound all the rigidityseemed to melt from the older woman’s bones. Shmi gasped, her legs staggeringbeneath her, and Kitster caught her and held her against his chest, though hisown arms were trembling. They held each other up, shaking and sobbing like twotrees in a storm, and Padmé watched them, all her words forgotten.

“I sent him,” Shmi whispered, over and over again, a brokenlitany. “I sent him.”

Padmé started forward, and caught herself. She thought ofthe little boy in Senator Palpatine’s apartments all those years ago, with hisstrange and terrible eyes and the blood on his hands.

There was nothing she could say to this woman.

“Very troubling, this information is,” said Master Yodasoftly. “But deceit is the way of the Sith.”

Padmé tore her eyes from Shmi and Kitster Banai and turnedto stare at the Jedi. She hardly recognized the emotion that was roiling in hergut, but a laughing little voice in the back of her mind that sounded far toomuch like Anakin told her the Jedi wouldn’t like it.

Master Yoda was watching her closely with slow blinkingeyes, compassion gentling his aged face. The others appeared equally concerned,and equally removed. For the first time, Padmé realized that they might not betroubled for the same reasons she was, and the thought burned in her.

“And inattentiveness is the way of the Jedi, it seems,” shesnapped, too tired and far too horrified to hold her tongue. “If you’ll excuseme, Master Jedi, I need to make a report to the Senate. And this time, Anakin Skywalker will be morethan a footnote.”

She turned on her heel and stormed toward the door, ignoringthe words of the Jedi that followed her, ignoring the footsteps that indicatedObi-Wan, at least, intended to see her out.

But she stopped at the door, caught and held by someinvisible bond, and looked back.

Shmi and Kitster still stood in the center of the Councilchamber, looking small and alone in that immense space, their frail figureshaloed in the midafternoon light streaming through the many windows. Shmi wasshaking still, but Kitster had turned to watch Padmé, and his eyes met hersnow, dark and knowing.

If Anakin had been a footnote, these two had been utterlyforgotten. She was not about to make the same mistake.

“I would like to speak with you both,” she said, holdingKitster’s eyes and willing him to understand. “If you’re free?”

“This audience hasn’t ended, Senator,” said Mace Windusharply, but Kitster was already nodding.

“I think it has,” he said, speaking over his shoulder to themembers of the Jedi Council. “Come on, Mom. We won’t learn anything else here.”

“Padmé,” said Dooku, almost apologetically, but Padmé turnedaway from him and all the Jedi and marched out the door, Sabé falling in besideher and Kitster and Shmi following. Obi-Wan would follow too, she had no doubt,but she would deal with him later.

The corridor outside the Council chambers was deserted butfor a young Togruta girl who stood huddled into herself under her traditionalJedi robes. Padmé’s gaze lit on her briefly, and the girl looked away,something flashing in her eyes.

“Ahsoka,” she heard Obi-Wan say behind her, “you shouldn’t behere.”

If he was distracted, all the better. Padmé spared a silentthanks to the young padawan, and sped on down the corridor, wanting to lose herJedi escort. It was probably hopeless, but even a few moments might allow herto collect herself.

“Thank you,” said a quiet voice at her side, and Padméturned without slowing to find Kitster Banai walking beside her. To his right,Shmi Skywalker watched her with raw, reddened eyes.

“It’s Senator Amidala, isn’t it?” Kitster asked, smilingpolitely. But there was something guarded behind his gaze.

“Yes,” Padmé said, offering a warm smile of her own. “Andyou’re Kitster Banai. I saw you in TheTragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise.” She hesitated. But after all, howcould it hurt? “Anakin loved that play, you know.”

His eyes widened and his smile warmed. “Oh,” he murmured. “I– yes. I’d forgotten he saw it.” But then his face twisted, the smile becominga rictus grin. “I didn’t recognize him. My own brother, and I didn’t – ” Hechoked, and stopped.

Padmé had no idea what to say to him, or to the woman besidehim with her carven face and her shadowed eyes. “I’m sorry,” she said inanely,and then, “The hangar is this way.” It was utterly inadequate, but whateverelse she might have said, she couldn’t say it here.

Shmi seemed to understand. She nodded at Padmé, and now itwas she who took Kitster’s arm. They made their way to the hangar in absolutesilence. Even when Obi-Wan joined them once more, he said nothing, and Padméwas grateful.

#replies #anon #i write things #star wars #anabasis #because this is from an early-ish chapter it's a little rough #and may change a bit when i post the final version #in other news can you imagine yoda giving testimony to the senate #i bet he'd sound like jeff sessions played backwards #'recall that i do not'#is his answer to everything #padme amidala #shmi skywalker #kitster banai #harm to children #slavery #anabasis spoilers

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