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nuoyipeach · 3 years

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May 21st 2021

4 years later...

“Arin, bring your brother down. We’re about to leave.” Taeyong shouted from the hallway downstairs for the children upstairs to hear. He Just finished putting on his coat then looked at his wife going through her bag one last time, confirming that she had packed everything. He smiled at the sight of her before moving next to her giving her a kiss on the cheek.

“What?” Seulgi chuckled and he shook his head. The couple turned to the stairs hearing footsteps running down, each child carrying their own backpack. Seulgi looked at them and smiled before carrying up the younger. “So I guess we’re all ready to go.”

“Yes mum!” Arin exclaimed as she hugged her father’s arm. “I’ve never been to Japan, I’m so excited! And we're meeting uncle Yuta too!”

Taeyong laughed as he locked up the house and went to the car where Seulgi had just buckled up three year old Hajun, then turned to help Arin in her seat. He went ahead and checked the last bag before closing the trunk and sat in the driver's seat.

The way to the airport was filled with music (mostly Hajun’s songs) and twelve year old Arin helping her younger brother sing the words clearly, followed by Seulgi leading them, and Taeyong's smile never left.

Three months after Hajun's birth, Arin was finally awake after almost two years. She didn't lose her memory, but it seemed the young girl didn't at all care about the sudden change in her life. From having a new father, to a baby brother, nothing made her question what happened while she was asleep. She was surprised at first, no doubt, but she had no hesitation accepting it.

While Seulgi was busy with the baby, Taeyong did everything to help Arin catch up on school and attend rehabilitation classes with her. As always Seulgi was worried if Taeyong felt it as a burden, however he kept reassuring her every day that Arin was his child now too and he loves her.

Of course at some point Arin had to know the truth, and oddly yet not surspisingly enough, it was Taeyong who ended up telling her.

"He didn't want to stay, he..."

"He didn't like us anymore, didn't he? He left us for other people?" the nine year old asked straight away, not wanting her father to beat around the bush. Taeyong sighed and pulled her to his chest, combing her hair.

"I'm sorry Arin."

"Why dad?" she looked up with a sudden but sincere smile. "You don't have to say sorry. You're my dad now, and I'm happy. You're the best dad anyone could ever ask for." she exclaimed hugging him tighter.

On the plane, Arin sat with her father while Hajun with his mother since he still needed extra care from her. It wasn't too long, but the children fell into naps the moment they took off. Both parents lifted off the middle arm rest and let them lay on their laps, Hajun having his milk bottle still in his mouth.

Once landed Arin was quick to wake up and help her mother while Seulgi strapped up a still sleeping Hajun to Taeyong's front. They went across the airport until they came to the baggage claim.

"Mum, can I go to the toilet real quick?" Arin suddenly asked, to which Seulgi nodded directing her to the nearest restroom. Knowing her child, she wasn't too afraid of her getting lost so she allowed her to go on her own.

After finishing up and washing her hands, Arin was just about to leave the restroom when she bumped into a man coming out the of the male one next to her. "Oh, sorry. Are you OK?" the man spoke and crouched down patting her head. Arin rubbed her nose and smiled at him reassuringly.

Only for her smile to drop in an instant.

She stared at the man, but she knew she had to be quick. "I'm fine. Sorry. Bye." she spoke quickly before running away towards wherever.

Why's he here... I can't tell mum and dad...

"Hey hey hey." she stopped at a halt when she felt a hand grab her shirt from behind. "Where are you running off to young lady?" she turned on her tiptoes and faced her father before squirming out if his grip and suddenly hugging his torso tight. Taeyong stood flustered by her actions before crouching to hug her back, her face in his shoulder as he heard her uneven breaths and knew for sure something wasn't right.

After a minute she seemed to have calmed, his hand combing through her hair and another now pulling her up to carry her away with him. As he neared where his wife sat with their luggage, he stopped and instead sat a little further away, out of her sight.

"Arin." he called calmly and pulled her out of his shoulder, cupping her face in one hand gently. He waited, for her to pick up enough strength to look up at him, which took a minute for her to do. He smiled at her and brushed her hair back. "Tell me. What happened?"

Arin bit her lip, not wanting to ruin their trip on the first day itself. But if there was one person she'd never lie to, it was Taeyong. She took a deep breath, before leaning against her father's chest. "Daddy..." she spoke softly, voice breaking in fear. "I love you."

"I love you too Arin." Taeyong replied softly, petting her back.

"You're my only daddy."

"Yes Arin. I'm your only dad."

"Even if I run into him, I'd choose you any day."

The father and daughter kept it a secret, knowing the last thing Seulgi would want to hear on their family trip is her ex husband's presence in the same town as them. It was already their second day and they were visiting the Universal Studios theme park in Osaka with the Nakamoto family. Taeyong took note of Arin’s emotions, so far seeming overjoyed. He didn’t tell Seulgi this either, but the past two nights they were here, Arin had cried in her sleep, and when he asked why all she could say was seeing her biological father’s face in her dreams.

He didn’t understand why it was taking such an effect on her. Did she actually miss him but didn’t want to say so? Did he do something wrong back then? Did they talk at the airport?

Tonight as they returned, he decided he needed to talk to Arin. He needed her to come clear about this, because that was the only way he could help. As Seulgi washed up and tucked in Hajun, he excused himself to go check on Arin who slept in the room next to them in the hotel suite.

Looking into the room, he saw Arin just getting into bed and stared smiling at her. "How was it today?" he asked taking seat right next to her as she tucked herself in. The young girl smiled wide.

"It was great! I loved the minions!" she exclaimed. Taeyong chuckled combing her hair, his mind however filled with thoughts on how to speak about the topic.

And he decided the best way was to be straight forward. "Arin, be honest with me."

"Yes daddy?"

"Did something happen between you and, uhm... your ex dad?" he realised how badly he worded it, but nothing was coming to his mind. "You've been acting strange since you bumped into him..."

Arin bit her lips, her heart hurting. In all honesty she had no ounce of affection, she never missed him. But seeing him after so many years, especially after coma, it hurt her.

"I really don't know daddy..." she teared up. Taeyong got in under the cover next to her and pulled her to his chest, the young girl letting go of her tears immediately into her father's shirt. "I just, it hurts. I don't know why... When I saw him, he looks so normal, he didn't even recognise me. I don't even miss him, but it hurts..."

He shushed her, making white noise as he combed her hair when she suddenly pulled out and looked at him. "Please don't take it the wrong way." she quickly said before hugging him tight. "I love you daddy, I hate that man. I'm sorry he's making me cry. I know I promised I wouldn't cry over guys, but I can't help it..."

Taeyong chuckled sadly, shifting in his place so that she laid on his chest, head on his shoulder. "I'm not mad Arin. I'm worried about you. You're my daughter, I don't like seeing you sad." he let out a sigh and kissed her hair. "Let's try to forget that from now on, OK. I'll help you."

Taeyong knew that he couldn't just force her to erase the memory of her biological father just like that, no matter how much they love each other. Arin didn't lose her memory, she was a smart child even back then when she knew her father's love was absent. She knew, the moment she woke up and accepted her new reality, that he left them even before Taeyong told her anything. And no matter how much she despised him, it was no surprise that it broke her heart when he really didn't recognise her after all these years, and if Seulgi found out, it would've broke her heart too.

On their last day, they stayed at Yuta's house as Sooyoung was persistent to have them overnight for one day at least. The children played out in the backyard while the dads started the barbeque, and inside the mothers cooked up some ramen and sides. Not too long after they heard an ice cream truck, and soon enough the kids were at the dads feet begging to go.

Yuta wasn't one to resist and took out some money, handing it to Arin who's the eldest among both family's children. "Knock yourselves out. Don't eat too much though, your mums will kill us." he winked.

Arin led the three younger out to the front road where more neighbourhood children lined up. She stood holding her brother's hand while her two friends conversed in Japanese with their friends. She didn't speak much, but could understand.

"Who are they Nako?" a kid asked Yuta's older girl, a year younger than Arin.

"Our friends from Korea. Remember, my mum's Korean."

When it was their turn, Nako helped choose while Arin payed, stuffing the change in her pocket. Yuta's kids were now playing hopscotch on the pavement with the other kids, Nako tugging her and Hajun to join them, though the three year old was mostly running across the lines.

“You are Nako’s friend?” a young boy, seemingly five or six, suddenly spoke to Arin as she stood aside to finish her ice cream. Arin was shocked to hear him speak korean but nodded in response. “That’s cool! I’m half korean too just like her.” he smiled raising his hand for a high five to which Arin responded smiling back.

“How?” she asked curiously.

“My dad’s Korean. My name is Akito, I’m five.”

“I’m Arin, twelve.” she looked away after responding, turning her attention to Hajun to make sure he wouldn’t get hurt. Nako suddenly called her to go back home and she grabbed her brother. “Bye Akito.”

As the children entered the backyard they heard Nako’s mother yelling. “I swear to God Nakamoto if you send them out alone again I will have your head on the barbeque instead!”

“Arin was with them...”

“She’s new here you idiot!” Seulgi yelled along. “What if they were lost! What if they were kidnapped!”

The kids quickly ran away to the living room, trying not to laugh at both mothers yelling at Yuta and finishing off the last of their ice cream before they were caught. Taeyong soon came in and sighed shaking his head, helping Hajun wipe his face to get rid of the evidence. “Please not one word about the ice cream.” he whispered, knowing Hajun was still too young to understand the concept of keeping secrets.

Luckily the young boy’s attention was taken away by the other kids playing with toys, and Taeyong returned outside to see the others were back to normal, except for Yuta’s slightly sulking face. They finished up with the barbeque and set it on the picnic table they had, the mothers bringing in the ramen and sides. The kids were called to eat, and surprisingly enough they ate more than expected despite the ice cream. Soon Arin and Nako helped clean up, while Yuta pulled out the mini pool for the kids.

While he filled it up, Arin was the first to come out in her swimsuit and helped throw some toys in, when she heard a familiar voice.

“Hi Arin!” she looked to see the young boy from earlier, Akito, waving. She waved back, when her face lost all colour. “Look dad, she’s the girl I told you about.”

Yuta knew all too well, and looked at Arin to see her completely still. He then looked back at the child who’s father now stood beside him, but he could tell he didn’t recognise her. “So she’s your new friend? Isn’t she much older than you?” he joked with his son.

“Arin noona is really nice.”

“Arin?” the man raised a brow once hearing the name, looking back at Arin then smiled.

Yuta could tell Arin’s discomfort, so he dropped the hose and went to her, crouching to her ear. “Go inside. Don’t tell your mother, go straight to your dad .” he whispered to which she nodded and quickly ran inside, not stopping until she reached her father. Taeyong had just finished helping Hajun into his swimsuit and let him run out, when Arin’s body came crashing into him and held him tight.

“He’s here...” she spoke softly, fear in her voice. “He’s outside.”

Taeyong pulled her out and looked at her shocked. “Are you sure?” she nodded.

“Uncle Yuta saw him too, he sent me inside... Dad, what if he takes me from you? I don’t want to go...” tears welled up in her eyes and Taeyong wiped them off and hugged her tight, holding in his own.

“No one will take you from us Arin, not as long as your mother and I are alive.”

Taking her hand, Taeyong walked out to see what was going on so far. He peeked out the main door and saw the kids already in the pool, Yuta and Sooyoung attending them. But his wife was no where to be seen, and upon noticing his presence, Sooyoung ran to him. “Taeyong, he was here. When Arin ran in she saw and came outside to check. They’re talking outside the gate...”

Taeyong let go of Arin and quickly went to the gate and, as bad as he felt, eavesdropped over their conversation.

“Well, I married and moved here now. It is my wife’s hometown.”

“I see...”

“Arin grew a lot.” his muscles tensed hearing her name from the man. “Glad to see her up and healthy. How long did it take?”

“Two years.”

“Does she remember me?”

The question made both the couple tense up even more. If Seulgi said yes there’s a chance he’d ask to see her, and if she said no he’d be sceptical about it and still ask to see her.

Hearing his wife silent for a minute, Taeyong decided it was time for him to step in. “Seulgi come, Hajun’s looking for you.” he walked out as if he heard nothing, pretending to be surprised by her ex’s presence. “Oh, hello. Long time no see.” he said extending his hand to shake. The man nodded with a smile taking his hand.

“You too. I see you two married, Hajun must be your child. Glad you moved on quick.” he chuckled. Seulgi nodded, still a little uncomfortable, before Taeyong took her hand and held it reassuringly. She looked back up at the man and sighed.

“He’s also Arin’s father now, I asked him to adopt.”

“That’s good.” the man replied, his face seemingly without much care. “Well I best be off, don’t want to ruin your party. Bye.” he bowed before walking to where his son was, and the couple watched him take his hand and head back home.

The rest of the barbeque went on as if nothing happened before. Arin seemed to have enjoyed herself to her parents relief, and they themselves stayed optimistic not wanting to ruin the mood. As night fell, the kids were all sent to bed. Taeyong tucked in both his children into bed and noticed Seulgi standing next to Arin, the mother daughter simply exchanging gazes. He could see both love and hurt in their eyes and moved to their side of the bed. Taking Seulgi’s hand he gave it a chaste kiss before bending to Arin and kissing her forehead.

“Sleep well. We’re going back to Korea tomorrow, and to your grandparent’s house after so it’ll be tiring.” Arin smiled at her father as he did so after whispering, before he got up and walked out the room with his wife. Once in the other guest room where they were sleeping in, the two sat on the bed sighing.

“Why here...” Seulgi mumbled. “Everything was going great, and he just had to appear...”

Taeyong turned to his wife and moved closer, holding her hand in both his. “Nothing happened Seulgi... Honestly I don’t know why we were so scared? It’s not like he would actually want to take you or Arin back right?”

“You’re right...” she sighed again before hugging Taeyong, cuddling up into his chest. “He’s moved on even before everything happened. I have no reason to think about it like that. I have you and Arin and Hajun, and that’s all I’ll need for the rest of my life.”

“You should visit us next time. Will you be coming fo Chuseok this year?” Seulgi asked her friend as they stood outside the Nakamoto house, Taeyong putting their lugguage into the back of Yuta’s car.

“Maybe, my parents have been missing the kids a lot.” Sooyoung replied. The women hugged before Sooyoung went back inside after the children said their goodbyes too. Yuta got into the driver’s seat and started the car while Taeyong closed up the back.

“Hey.” he looked behind, freezing for a bit at the presence of Seulgi’s ex again. “I know you probably hate to see me, but I just have something.”

Biting his lip, Taeyong made sure Seulgi and the kids were already in the car before nodding to him. “What is it?”

He suddenly pulled out a bag from behind him and handed it to him. “When you reach home, give this to Arin please.” Taeyong looked at the bag, then back at him and the man noticed the fear before he chuckled.

“I’m not taking her away from you if that’s what you’re thinking. I don’t plan on ruining your lives, I’ve done enough of that I believe. But... one thing I do regret was hurting Arin. I did fall out of love with Seulgi, I won’t lie about that, but I genuinely loved Arin. It was just hard for me to be a good father when I wasn’t in the relationship I wanted to be in. I probably sound like an asshole right now, but I was so caught up avoiding Seulgi and wanting to be with my current wife, I neglected Arin too when I really had no intention to. Then with how you were always around with her, it made me realise that you deserve them more than me. That’s why I was easy admit everything and let Arin go after the divorce. I loved her but I knew I couldn’t make up for what I failed to give her. I knew you were a better father to her than I ever could be, and I was right.”

The man's words didn't leave Taeyong's mind even as they went to bed. After reaching Korea they drove straight to his parents' house to visit and decided to stay the night before going home the next day. What he said in the end was what stuck to his mind the most.

"If possible I'd like to see her again sometime. My family don't know and I don't want them to get involved, I just hope to see her again after all these years. I know I was absent as a father, I just want to see how she feels about me."

He didn't tell Seulgi but he knew without her permission he had no right to decide on this. Arin was still her child, and this case involved the man who stepped out of their life. As he laid in bed staring at the ceiling, his worried face didn't go unnoticed by his wife as she got under the covers next to him. She moved closer and cuddled up to him taking his attention.

"What's bothering you? Looks like something has been in you mind all day."

Taeyong sighed and turned on his side to face her, thinking of a way to tell her everything. "So, you know when I was loading our bags into Yuta's trunk when we were leaving?" she nodded confused. "Well, Jongin came to me, with a gift for Arin I still have on my bag. He told me how much he actually missed her, and regrets ignoring her just because he was with someone else behind your back. He said despite what he felt with you, he still loved her as his child."

Seulgi looked down to his chest biting her lip, fingers playing with the buttons of his pyjama top. He caressed her hair soothingly before he continued. "He said, if it's alright, he'd like to meet her again, properly. He won't take her away, his current family doesn't know about him finding us. He just wants to see her again."

looks like a part 3 needs to happen😅 this is what happens when I write unplanned😐

#kpop fanfic #nct #fanfiction #red velvet #nct 127 #nctvelvet #nct taeyong #red velvet seulgi #seulyong #seulyong fanfic

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mnjr23rd · 5 years

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Together Alone

"You know he actually, convinced me to quit Nolu?" Rita said as she lit up a cigarette and took a long drag.

"Man I've missed that", She held it up towards the light almost admiring it. The second last cigarette out of a crumpled up pack of twenties. Which by the looks of it, had been hidden underneath a mattress for far too long.

She closed her eyes, I watched her chest expand, as her lungs began to fill with the contents of the cigarette. She inhaled, and held her breath for a while, taking it all in for a moment.

Before exhaling puffs of white smoke, through her nostrils and later through her lips.

Which had me scratching at my nose and slightly coughing, it irritated the heck out of my sinuses and clogged my throat.

I saw her eyes begin to, float up and about, then around the room dilating as she opened them, in some sort of daze.

I think that was the nicotine kicking in or it flooding the brain, which ever one came first.

"Still gives me the jitters.. Even after all this time. You know he actually convinced me to quit? Me of all people?" Rita said again shaking her head, as if she had been hoodwinked or swindled into giving up smoking. Before she took another drag of the cigarette, only longer this time. She looked at that cigarette as someone would an old friend, that you'd meet by chance in a clothing store or at a coffee shop or at some library miles from anywhere. And you reminisce about times gone by, laugh at things you used to do when you were younger.

And you stand there in almost shock, and you ask yourself, is that really so and so? I haven't seen so and so since we were kids. But there he or she is, right in front of me, the girl I thought would never get married with a ring on her finger and a child holding her other hand. The guy everybody expected to fail because he hustled people, and never studied there he was with a Rolex on his arm, and Porche keys in his hand. And you almost wonder how on earth, did he ever end up getting it so good? While you stuck in a 9-5.

That was Rita's reaction, one of shock and disbelief, as she tried to remind herself what smoking a cigarette used to be for her.

"It would've been two years and sixteen days now. Without a single one of these.." She held it up again as the bud began to burn her finger tips, it almost falling out of her hand, she laughed a little.

"Or a drop of alcohol.. But here I am, doing drugs again. He'd be so disappointed..." She said raising the bottle of wine, pressing it against her lips, taking a huge gulp of the wine.

"Theodin who always told me that I could do better, that I was better.. That this was bad for me, bad for my health, for my well being and that I was meant for so much more, that I deserved way better.. That I was way too beautiful." She sniggered.

"Then why would you relapse Rita?"

"Because I... I don't know, what to do with all these emotions Nolu, that's why. I mean he, your Theodin was like my glue but Theodin isn't here anymore, he's.. only God knows where! This and this.." She held up the cigarette and the bottle of wine.

"Was all I knew.. all I used to use to cope. This was all I could use, to numb the pain, until he came.. I miss him so much"

I felt something strange, something I hadn't felt in a long while, rage , anger, jealousy. begin to fill my heart and eventually engulfed it.

"Bet you do.. Don't you?" I said as it threatened to over take me and trickle down to my hands. Blood flowed rapidly to my head, I could feel my head throbbing.

"I do.. More than I can put in words.."

"What?" That was a line that Theodin used with me, almost 4 years ago. The last time I heard from him on the phone, before I finally saw him come to rescue me. He had said that he loved me, more than he cared to admit, and that he missed me more than he could put in words.

"Who taught you that line?"

"Your Theodin.." Rita kept saying that "your" part passively without a care in the world. My blood was boiling right now, she just kept laughing and giggling and with every giggle images flashed in my mind of her and Theodin. Was there anything he kept only for us? Or had he given everything to her, including his heart? I felt like swatting her right across the face and wiping that dumb smile off her bronze face.

"Want some?" She interrupted, sipping on the bottle of wine in her hand.

"You could use a glass or four...after what you've been through and they say it's bad manners to let a lady drink alone."

"That's a cheesy pick up line, that cheap girls you to get guys to buy drinks for them."

"Cheap?"

"Yes.. Cheap"

"What you trying to say? Are you calling me cheap?"

"Nothing.. I'm just saying if the shoe fits you know"

"You just mad, that your fiancé all up in this.."

"Female dog"

"Tramp"

"W-h-o-r--"

"Takes one to know one" She said cutting.

"Homeless person"

"Hobo"

"I'm not even that good at this, Nolu. But you? You suck.." She said cackling.

"Okay fine..."

"Are you okay?"

"Do I look okay? Seriously? Like part of me wants to hit you, with something so badly right now, I've been fighting myself over it for the last thirty-five minutes"

".. And where would you start?" Rita had a confused, almost baffled look on her face.

"That pretty face of yours! That stole my husband away."

"Stole? Really? But okay I'll take that.. And where would you end?"

"With your head inside a dumpster.." She began to laugh, she thought I was joking but I wasn't. I wasn't laughing, my teeth weren't even showing not a single one, I was dead serious. I had killed her a gazillion times in my head, now I was trying to figure out how I'd get out here without leaving any tracks or getting caught.

"We really going to fight over a guy? Like we still in middle school? Two grown women? Pulling each other's hair? Kicking, biting and scratching?" as much as I hated to admit it but she was right, It wasn't her fault that Theodin liked her, I'm not ready to say the other L-word which has a lot of weight on it. Call me dumb or whatever you like, but I love him. I know, I know part of me says he's gone but part of me doesn't want to believe it.

"Truce?" She said stretching out her hand.

"Truce" I replied, shaking her hand. I was older, so naturally I had to be the bigger person. I knew she was working me, trying to find out my anger, a nerve and used it against me but I knew better.

"You know what they also say around here?"

"What?" I asked in an even more annoyed tone,

"That Chinese wine a good laugh, and a bowl of sushi can fix anything and if you add a bowl of ice cream and chocolate into the mix you can fix a broken heart"

"You sure you aren't making that up, as you go? My heart isn't broken.." My heart wasn't broken, it wasn't aching, it was shattered.

"Mine is.. And I don't know maybe I am, making it up. Maybe I'm not.. but I guess there's only one way to find out," she lifted up the bottle and passed it to me.

"What happened to the glass?" She took another gulp only bigger this time.

"Drink it from the bottle. That's the best way to drink wine"

"You mean to drown your sorrows."

I pondered for a while, than I said,

"On second thought nah, I'll pass on the wine, but I'll take you up on the sushi, and the good laugh and maybe some chocolate and the conversation"

"Fine to me, I propose we toast Adelyne"

"To what? Aren't toasts meant for celebrations? What are we celebrating?"

"To new beginnings, making new friends or better yet how about we celebrate Theodin? The man we both love, the man we wish we could both hate..."

"Cheers" we said in unisoun as the bottle and my glass of water clinked together.

"He saw my best.. when I was at my worst. I can't believe I'm already slurring my words but I'm only a bottle and a half in.." She giggling a little bemused. I kind of joined in.

"You supposed to sip it slow, the quicker you drink, the quicker the lights go out.. But you right..that was Theodin alright, always wanting to see the best in people, always thought no one was beyond saving. He always said that people were like diamonds in bad condition, when you find them. Full of coal, dirty, and gritty on the surface.."

"But they were still diamonds underneath", Rita interrupted, finishing my sentence.

"He told me that too.." She added

"And how everyone deserved a chance, to be loved, to be at peace. He was capable of seeing beyond me, beyond this skin. He saw into my soul, something even I couldn't see. Greatness, he'd tell me that every day. Even when I disappointed him, like I'm probably doing now. He'd still be there with a smile on his face, telling me I could begin again. That regardless of what I thought I was, he somehow still saw a diamond underneath," she said with a chuckle.

"I bet he'd be telling me right now to take it easy on the wine wallflower, and that it was way too early to even be drinking wallflower"

"Don't do it for him Rita, do it for you... It feels better trust me, it lasts longer. Like now you relapsing because the person you were doing it for isn't around and now you don't have legs to stand on, now you don't have a reason to stay clean. It's why you have to do it for yourself, that's the only way you'll get sober, and stay sober.. When you don't have prove anything, to anyone but you. Where you show yourself, that your better than alcohol, and yes better than Theodin. Yes he's one of a kind, but he's only a man and he has flaws too and he'll let you down, and break your heart. Make yourself proud, make God proud, do it for your son, make sure Xhao has a bright future and a mum which he can be proud of."

Rita sat up and put the bottle down,

"You know about that too?"

"Yeah Theodin told me."

"And you okay with it?" I wasn't okay with it, I was angry, bitter and I was crumbling inside and I had been more than tempted by the wine, I wanted to chug it down my throat so badly but something deep inside me, kept saying,"Nolu hayi" and I listened.

"Yes, I mean no but I can't change what happened. I still love him, and he's all I've held onto for these past four-five years. Knowing I'd see him again kept me going, but I lost hope I'm not going to lie to you, part of me thought I wouldn't get out of that place alive but here I am, God being good. He is a light, when all other lights fail, it's why I don't care about what so and so thinks says or does but if I'm good with Him then I'm good with anyone.."

"You sound exactly like Theodin!" She said with a huge smile, like someone had turned on a light bulb life came back to her face.

"He saw something.. I couldn't even see in myself. It was like he looked at me and saw my future, he saw me educated, he saw me successful, he saw me thriving. He saw me whole even, when I was in a million pieces, no wallflower, please wallflower, Ree this, Ree that"

"He was like that with me too," I bit back a smile.

"Always mothering me... Theodin must have loved you hey...and you must have loved him Rita..."

"He did but there was always a piece of his love I could never have..." She took another huge gulp from the bottle of wine in her hand and another drag from her last cigarette that was now almost burning her lips.

"No matter how much I loved him, no matter how much I tried, there was always a but somewhere. A but Adelyne this, a but Adelyne that. He loved me, but he loved you way more than he ever could me. You could see it in his eyes, he loved me but our love always had a period somewhere where it would just stop. Where it would just end, and couldn't go any farther, his heart just wouldn't allow me to ever take your place. Not that I wanted him to, not that I didn't try either. I just wanted him to have a place for me too.. you know.. In that big heart of his because I couldn't help it. I just, I just loved him you know? He didn't have to act, do anything or perform I just loved him, more than anything. I loved him more I had ever loved anyone... I loved him with every ounce of.. of.."

"Your being." I said as she wiped off a handful of tears that were now dripping down her shoulders, I just stayed silent, I did not know what to do. I didn't want to comfort her, I just wanted to leave her be, I was hurting too. Everything she said was daggers, being dug into every memory I had of him.

"I hate crying... But It was you Adelyne, it was always you. No matter what I did, no matter how much I tried. I knew one day he'd go back for you.. and that first day when I saw him look at you, I saw this look in his eyes he had never looked at me with before. What I'd give for him, to look at me that way, at least once. I think my soul would've left my body. His eyes sparkled that day, they came alive they had this joy, this anticipation, he looked at you the way someone would look at home. After being away for a really long time and you'd sit down on the varander even if you were all by yourself, with a smile on your face and you'd say "yeah.. I'm home" even if you said it to yourself. I envied you and part of me, still envies you."

"I'm sorry..." I said as tears of my own formed in my eyes.

"For what?" I was emotional too, as much as I saw my pain. I looked at hers and I felt it.

"I don't know, I don't know what to say... For making you feel this way, ruining your life"

"You didn't ruin anything, I just chose wrong. I just love people, I can't have and that's okay because stuff it right? It's 4am in Macau!" Rita shouted from the top of her voice and laughed shaking of the tears.

"What a city! What a time to be ALIVE! Adelyne is it?" She shouted even louder.

"Shush! You're going to wake the kids"

"Yes mamá"

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