#because that's how told stories work

[starpros-sunshine]

sometimes I check mdzs twitter and get reminded that there's apparently people who don't realize that ''a victim of circumstance'' is an option in discussing various questions of guilt regarding the characters

#also that is written as a tragedy the whole point is that things could've worked out if people had just acted differently #You can say what you want but the fact remains wei wuxian didn't get himsefl his reputation for nothing #there is a reason people feared the guy #but you can also admit that he's a victim of circumstance and his story got exxagerated and he got demonized by the people #because that's how told stories work #everyone who tells them interprets them a little bit differently #you can say Jiang Cheng did nothing wrong ever but you can also say the guy is a complete asshole #which is right he is an asshole but he wouldn't have grown up to be one had he grown up differently #though personally I do think it's a little critical to say he always wanted the best for wwx when it has been explicitly stated that #he takes anyone he suspects to be the aforementioned with him and tortures them #that was the word used in german at least #you can talk a lot about jiang cheng actually he's very fun to discuss #<- he says. never having discussed about mdzs characters with anyone ever #but it's fun reading other peoples discussions and adding your own thought salt to the mix #have I mentioned that it's my favourite novel series? #I have yet to read tgcf I'm waiting for the books to be translated into german #which i hope happens sometime soon because I am slowly but surely getting impatient

[yunmeng-jiang]

that man does NOT think of wei wuxian as his gege

#jiang cheng #wwx #twin prides #i have a whole post about how they both think of themselves as having an older-sibling role #but even if that wasn't true jc still always calls him by his full name and the one time wwx tried to call him shidi jc yelled at him #their relationship is not that simple! it's a huge thing that wwx occupies a weird in-between role in their family! #he's definitely not a servant but also definitely not a full member of their family and that's super important to the story! #even if jc WANTED to think of him as his older brother he would need to get past seven layers of trauma to even realize he wanted that #and then he would have to admit it to himself and then work up the courage to admit it to someone else #and even then he probably still wouldn't say it to wwx's face #sure yanli calls wwx her didi but things are much simpler from her point of view #plus she's one of those people - like lxc - that can hold an opinion deep inside herself and be at peace with it even if it conflicts + #+ with what the world says and what she's been brought up to believe #jc is not like that. he internalizes way more from the outside world and if he feels conflicted he just kind of implodes #he's spent his whole life being told that wwx is not his equal and is someone to compete against #and also secretly believing that wwx is eventually going to abandon him because he doesn't think anyone truly cares for him #plus wwx treats him like a bff who is also a liege lord rather than a beloved younger brother #he would Not form a secure attachment to wwx lmao #it also really annoys me that when people write/conceptualize him as someone who thinks of wwx as his real gege + #+ they tend to completely erase jyl and minimize her importance to jc. he HAS an older sibling who he trusts unconditionally and confides + #+ in and takes comfort from! that person already exists! and they ignore her in favor of the protagonist #it also really bugs me when they have him mourning wwx those whole 13-16 years but don't put in a single word about yanli #this kind of turned into a rant about jyl... i have a lot of feelings about her especially since i'm the oldest sibling in my family #anyway. that man does not think of wwx as his gege #haterade #(kind of)

[alchemania]

Finally got enough energy to talk about Furina's SQ and while I loved her and the troupe, MC and Paimon were .... Not Great. I talked about this with friends but in Paimon's case especially, the way they interact with Furina feels like people who just don't understand trauma and depression and then engage with someone suffering from both in all the wrong ways.

Talking about how much of a downgrade her house is from the opera house, making fun of how she can't cook, pushing her to act when she's set a very clear boundary and then guilt tripping her after she's stuck to her guns, shaming her for not being able to fight well (Paimon literally talks about how second hand embarrassment is overwhelming and I'm just like ?????), telling her she's "not acting like herself" when she attempts to open up and be vulnerable....it's just really rough. That and the MC asking "is something wrong" when Furina gets sad over Poission ..like bro people died and she couldn't save them and she's tearing herself apart over it. Those people are never coming back and you know it and you have the gall to ask her is something wrong??? Of COURSE there is!!

It just feels especially odd because we literally get to see all of Furina's suffering and Paimon in particular is. SO mean? Like she was more understanding with Wanderer and Ei and THEY'VE tried to kill us multiple times!! I don't get it, and honestly I'm very proud of Furina for refusing to waver. Let her rest!! She's tired and depressed and she needs time to heal; and honestly fuck Paimon for trying to make her feel bad. Furina's worked harder than she EVER will.

#as someone with depression and who's highly sensitive this story quest hurt a LOT because ive also encountered people who don't understand. #i've been told i need to get over my anxiety. i've been asked what am i so tired from since i just lay in bed. #so furina's character and how she was treated hit very very hard for me. she's isolating herself and not coping well but she is TRYING. #she's trying so hard and she equates her worth to her role. like she literally tells you that she serves no more use to anyone. #and i wanted to shake her so hard. because it's not about what she can do #she has worth simply because she exists. full stop. she is loved and she is appreciated just for being herself #her worth isn't decided by her power yk?? #i hope she can rest and heal and find some good friends - after the way mc and paimon treated her i honestly don't think they should be #or if they are; they'd have to work to earn her trust cuz good LORD. they treated her so weird and so tone deaf!! #i've seen a lot of people complaining about it too so im glad im not alone. #anyway. there is something wrong with me i have cried actual tears over furina please god she needs a hug #and to be told she did a good job and she can rest now and things will get better #4.2 spoilers #genshin impact #furina

[commsroom]

eiffel returning to earth and encountering people and places and things that he's known so closely for years - that some part of him might even instinctively feel he should recognize - but without the ability to consciously remember them vs. lovelace returning to earth and seeing all those familiar things and knowing them, and knowing how they've changed in her absence, but being unable to shake the part of her that keeps telling her she's seeing them for the first time. how both of these could be used as an exploration of trauma, and returning to a place (that hasn't changed at all; that's changed too much) that you no longer fit into; that rubs up against the changed shape of your life in raw and uncomfortable places.

#wolf 359 #w359 #doug eiffel #isabel lovelace #not quite sure how to articulate this but. mm. #eiffel having burnt his bridges before he ever left vs. lovelace's family already having mourned her ... hm. #i'm going to keep saying if eiffel gets his memory back it should be through an Eiffel Version of change of mind #i'm never going to be able to tell that story the way i want it to be told but it makes so much sense to me. #and there's a lot i think you could tell in a post-canon story about how. being on earth is going to add new angles to personal issues #they thought they'd mostly resolved. ie. minkowski's identity as commander is something she's learning to let go of by the finale #but once they get back to earth? she's going to feel responsible for eiffel and hera #and it's going to be something she'll have to work through again. #and determine who she is to them and how she fits into their lives #and whatever happens with koudelka... it's been a long time and she's a different person. it's complicated. #and i won't even start talking about hera here because that's an infinite can of worms. they are all really going to need each other

[feral-and-or-horny]

For my friends in academia, do you ever have a moment where you're explaining your area of interest to someone and have this moment of "Oh fuck, I sound super smart??? And I'm not faking it?????"

#i was talking about Moby Dick to some of the other people in the honors program #and i was explaining how its hung on so long in part because its got so many layers to analyze #and because throughout history its remained easy to recognize and relate to a story about a recklessly determined leader #and they were just staring at me looking a bit awed #and I was like!!!! oh!!!!!! oh im smart!!!!!!! #the funniest example of this though is one night I got REALLY high (and a little drunk) #and we were hanging out in my dorm and i somehow got on the subject of gothic lit #which im obsessed with #i shit you not I've read every book on gothic lit in the school library #anyways it came up somehow #and i ranted for twenty minutes straight without stopping about the female gothic genre #Add/maybe autism?/and the aid of weed to knock out my social anxiety all worked together #i only half remember my rant #but the two sober ones told me i was entirely coherent #my post

[pinkeoni]

Willing to be controversial but I do not think Mike's family relationship or coming out to them is a point the show sees as important. I feel like that is more of Will's arc if anything due to how it has been emphasized throughout the seasons. And I know it is like a popular take but I don't think the show will add a homophobia plotline to Mike's character. I think he's just gonna come out to Karen, and Karen will be understanding and Ted will not give a shit.

Where is that Reddit comment that says “Oh you poked the bear”?

Since this tends to be a bit if a touchy subject for some, I wanna try to answer in as nuanced a way as possible. And since this is kind of an exhausted topic, I’ll put it under a cut.

So starting with whether or not Mike is going to come out—

At this moment in time, I think Mike is much farther from being ready to have a coming out moment than Will is. Could it still happen? It could, and at that point it would depend on how the show handles it. I would honestly really appreciate a coming out scene, but I don’t think it’s a necessity for Mike’s story to be satisfactory. Mike is still gay even if it’s not explicitly stated. Furthermore, Mike can still reach a state of self acceptance without telling other people, it’s so long as he accepts it for himself that is the important thing.

As for the family thing...

I think it would be inaccurate of me to say that Mike's family and home life doesn't effect Mike. Of course it does, in the way that it does every character. And considering how much of a presence the Wheeler family seems to have had in every season, it would be stupid of me to say that they won't have an appearance or that they won't be connected to Mike's arc.

So I think that Mike's family relationship will be there, and it'll have value in the same way that everything in the show has value, big or small, however I don't think it's false of me to say that Will's family relationship is probably going to be more of a central focus.

This isn't me comparing traumas (which is a thing that can and does happen) or saying that Mike's experiences aren't important, but looking at how they function in this story, especially with the knowledge that Will is going to be a major focus next season, then it's reasonable to assume that the Byers family is probably going to be more at the center than the Wheelers.

There's also a lot more unresolved with the Byers family ie Lonnie and his involvement, and yes I am still so confident that he is coming back, if not just from the fact that Jonathan keeps bringing him up in every season. There's also a lot of mystery surrounding Lonnie, whereas with the Wheelers most of it is all there on the table.

My take on the Wheelers is that they are complicated. Perfect parents? No. Abusive? No. I'm not really gonna state where I stand on the "neglectful" debate as I feel like that word exists on a sliding scale that changes depending on who is using it. I was talking about it with Jo @wheelersboy and we agreed that the biggest problem with the Wheelers is that they are passive conformists, which I talk a little bit about in my AIDS post. They conform passively and have the privilege to not have to confront the consequences behind it. When they are at the town hall meet and come face-to-face with the extreme end of conformity, it's a huge smack in the face for them. By the end of the season, they begin to slowly de-conform.

I think that Mike’s core conflict has to do with his feelings of worthlessness and insecurity, and it will end with him realizing his worth for exactly who he is. I think this is absolutely influenced by his exterior environment, but ultimately it will be up to Mike himself to solve this conflict.

#okay idk if its actually as nuanced as possible but thats generally my take 🤷🏼‍♀️ #i see the take often that st is an ensemble show which… is TRUE but at the same time some characters do get more focus than others #sometimes to the detriment of other characters and sometimes just because thats how main characters work #will is probably going to have more focus than mike next season because we were told this. #it doesnt make mike unimportant though #but yes one characters story is going to be more central than the other #my hope is that each character gets the proper amount of time necessary for their individual arc even its wishful thinking #which may not mean equal screentime for each character

[polarisbibliotheque]

About the time a guy was being creepy to me on a professional setting and my gut feeling told me "GET OUT NOW"

Ok, so hi! This post has to do with a reblog recently here in my blog, on one of my fics regarding Dante and Vergil with an s/o suffering from being hit on without their consent. I write Devil May Cry fanfiction and that was my way of coping with a CREEP being, well, a creep.

Who would've known, fanfic is therapeutical

My answer got so big, I decided to make a separate post about it - and I'm talking like this because, if this gets out the DMC sphere and other people read it, they'll understand the fandom talk a little bit. This is not just for the fandom, but everyone out there.

Including men. All of us are prone to being targets of creeps - even if I'll be telling about my experience as a woman, take this advice to your heart NO MATTER your gender.

When this episode happened in my life, I was 27 y/o, I think...? I got pushed into such a stupid corner by this guy who kept messaging me with "work related" stuff... And my family wasn't validating my "this is weird" feeling.

So... What happened?

(TW: I mention the words "rape" and "sexual abuse" but none of that has happened. It was a red flag and I want to talk about avoiding it like the plague and how people might dismiss your gut feeling when something is wrong. I write with brutal honesty, curse words and don't censor anything, because I'm here to tell people how it is not curating content to go viral on clean ~family friendly~ social media. This is honest advice I'd give someone else, so it's just a heads up. I'm a little jaded with all the censoring of "forbidden words" when you have to discuss serious subjects like this nowadays hahahaha)

First context, I'm a Lawyer. Hi. I know it doesn't sound like it Second context, I'm from Latin America. Hi again!

Well, in my country, we have to vote every couple of years for the National Lawyer Association President and Vice-President (for my USA people, it's like the BAR association for Lawyers - meaning only lawyers who have passed the BAR and are, indeed, full-fledged to the association and with a lawyer permit can vote). I hate it, but it is what it is, I have to vote every time for one of those posh speaking clowns or else.

This much older guy stopped me at the entrance to the voting building to do some political propaganda of one of the candidates. Expected. They weren't the ones I was gonna vote 'cause their agenda didn't fit what I wanted for the Association - nevertheless, I smiled and was polite. Guy wouldn't shut up, but that's a lawyer thing. Kept being polite, dismissed him kindly and went inside to vote.

As I came back, guy is there and stops me. I had called my mom to give me a ride home - by that time, I had been broke and without a job for 2 years up until that point, trying to get back into the ~lawyer business~ and recover from a very bad burnout, so paying a ride back home was a big no. I had my phone on my hand and kept chatting because, you know, networking. You never know.

Now, mind you. I'm about to celebrate my 30th birthday this year, but people seriously think I'm underage wherever I go. I have to literally show them my credentials and ID so they can believe a single word I say. This guy, must've been around his 50s or something - and I look like a teen or, at best, 20 years old. I graduated when I was 22, so that's the most he could've imagined I was.

As we're talking, dude is flexing his career so hard I start to do the same. He says he has known the President and influential people in politics (back then, far-right government, so red flag already waving in the horizon), he has an office both here and in New York and Miami, he has worked with the FBI (we're in Latin America, the USA stuff is a flex for far-right people). I say I have worked as the Labor Lawyer in a huge worldwide known multinational company, coordinated with people in the USA and UK, had around 100 cases to manage monthly and keep the company in order when the directors were not around.

Guy is impressed and asks for my contact on LinkedIn. I'm down for it, I'm looking for a job and he could be one hell of a way to get back on business. Dude mentions he's in digital law and, heck, I wanted so bad to get into digital law! It was like he was put in my way by the angels to help me get back on my feet!

He asks for my resumé and my cellphone number, so he can have me in his office to have a cup of coffee. I am soaring by now. "That's it!!" I think "That's my ticket back to being a lawyer, to having my own money, to breaking the cycle of unemployment and having my career back!" - so I do it! I give him my number!

hello, workaholic aunt here speaking, my career was everything to me, I'd do everything for it

After I got back home, told my mom everything, and everyone was so happy. That's when he started sending me messages - asking for my address so he could send me some lawyer magazines and such... Even though he had asked when we were talking before and I changed the subject. I didn't give him of course, but instead sent him my resumé.

So, next day he asks me about that coffee and I said we can make it happen... Even if he got my name wrong. I have a pretty exotic name in whatever country I go, so it's a common mistake, known to happen, no one can pronounce my name right if I don't teach them how to, so yeah. I'm willing to gloss over that.

I'm assuming he read my resumé, saw how smart, capable and hardworking I am, and wants to talk business. Wants to offer me a job. I'm super ready. I'm taking my business clothes out of the closet, I'm cleaning my high heel black boots, I'm checking my references and vocabulary so I don't screw up. Guy sends a message saying he wants to take me out for lunch.

Red flag. My instincts flare up and I'm just staring at the screen. I start reviewing everything. I mean... Business lunches are ok, right? I had lunches with my manager and director plenty of times back in the day and it never got weird. So... Why was I feeling weird now...?

Guy says we can go out for lunch and then back at his office so he can show me around. I was like "hmmm... ok? shouldn't be weird. this is normal." but nevertheless I went to check with my mom and my sister.

Both said it was fine. I was feeling weird because it's a guy and me and I shouldn't be feeling uneasy - it's my social anxiety/workplace trauma talking. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I shouldn't screw up.

I keep talking to him. I ask where we should meet up for this lunch and he tells me to give him my address, so he could pick me up and we can go to "a nice place to have lunch" (his words, not mine).

Red flags are dancing around my head. I keep thinking "have I lead him on something????" and going mad. What was I wearing? Only work clothes, that's all - suit pants, black high heel boots, dark silk shirt and only a nude lipstick so my lips wouldn't get chapped. My shirt didn't even show cleavage.

It's ridiculous how I feel this is a thing I should add 'cause heaven forbid the cleavage

What about what I've said? Did I accidentally flirt?? 'Cause that's been known to happen - I'm a clueless ace who can't for the life of me notice when people are flirting or not or notice when people think I'm flirting with them. And usually when they are not flirting or being attractive, that's when the magic happens for me! So... What gives?! Did I do something wrong, that sent the wrong message?

I mean, I was nice, yes. But you're supposed to be nice to people. I'm not gonna be rude just because most guys can't keep it in their pants.

I go over the messages. I didn't do anything strictly not business like. I'm very good at that. I have only worked responding to men as bosses in my life, had four male bosses before him, all different ages, marital status, star signs, backgrounds, lives. The best colleagues and co-workers I used to spend hours having coffee and laughing with were men. So I know how to keep professional and not mixing things up. It wasn't a slip up from my side.

Well, then there's always the chance I was going crazy and overreacting, soooo... I go over to my mom and sister. They think it's weird, yes, but they do think that's exactly what's going on: I'm overreacting and my social anxiety/workplace trauma is blocking me from pursuing this opportunity that can help my career - and make me have a salary again so I can help at home.

Ok. I though up and go back to talking to him. I tell him fine but I'll go to the place myself, so he can tell me where he's thinking about having lunch. Guy tells me nothing and keeps insisting I give him my address and he will give me a ride so we can "get to know each other better".

My GODS I've never felt so uncomfortable. Not even when I had to stay ONLY with my boss working until 1 am, only the two of us in the company building, every light out except the one in the room we were in, him being around 15 years older than me and very confident, with the two of us having one of the best work chemistry I had in my LIFE.

He could've done ANYTHING to me, but we only talked strictly work. We were tired, he waited for my mom to pick me up at 1 am outside so nothing bad would happen to me, both of us under an umbrella, he apologized to my mom for having me stay at work so late and then went back home to his wife and kid. I NEVER, at ANY moment felt unsafe around him. He was my mentor, he was my boss, he was a good colleague and even somewhat of a friend.

So why on EARTH was I feeling SO UNCOMFORTABLE with this guy I had only met ONCE face to face in my life?

I start to voice my concerns. My mom and my sister think I'm only saying that because I don't want to go back to work. That I want to throw my career away because I can't control my anxiety and my feelings. We fight a couple of times and a couple of days. My mom tells my aunt about it. My aunt goes full FBI and does a background check on this dude.

That's when she told my mom some things weren't adding up. His LinkedIn profile was a little too weird and he had no ties whatsoever with the elected President of the Lawyer Association - was he really someone in their team for propaganda? Nevertheless, he did have an office and did work with digital law, both here and in the USA. I shouldn't let this opportunity slip.

I got so mad. SO MAD. To the point my sister decided to ask her boyfriend for his opinion on all of it and he was like "hey... your sister is kinda right. guy wouldn't offer to take ME to a nice restaurant to have lunch and go to his office later for a coffee, would he...? I mean, this never happened to me" - and sis' boyfriend is on the business meetings and negotiations/selling part of the spectrum. He knows what he's talking about.

So now I finally have a man validating my concerns.

I take the decision to shut the whole thing down. I go "very well, I will NOT meet him, I will NOT maintain contact with him, he's treating me like a whore he picked up on the street". At this point, I am FUCKING FUMING. But still, my sister and mom gave him the benefit of the doubt and made me feel like I was doing something wrong.

So I decided to marinate him for a while.

I should note that all his messages were sent close or around midnight, not at working hours. And I only answered at working hours. Since I was taking a while to respond, my dude just goes like, and I kid you not, "ooooh she's not answering, she's ignoring me, I don't like that *sad emoji*" LIKE A FUCKING 13 YEAR OLD (no offense, 13 y/o peoples, but this dude is a FULL GROWN ASS MAN).

I am offended, I am flabbergasted and I wish I could suplex him to oblivion.

I show my mom the message. She just stares at me in awe. She FINALLY is like "yeah, ok, this isn't very professional". ALL THIS TIME, I never really told her what I was thinking and what was really worrying me. And then I break her the news that, what I'm really afraid of, is that this guy is going to rape me in his car. Or he's going to drive me somewhere I can't fight or scream and then he'll rape me. Whatever the scenario, it ended up with me being raped and I was scared. SO. FUCKING. SCARED.

My mom goes into Sphinx mode - that's when she doesn't answer and doesn't even look at me and just ~thinks~. It's a brutal reality she doesn't like and I don't like it either, I mean, it's my safety we're talking about here.

I shut down the guy completely. I tell him there's a family emergency and I couldn't continue to give him any attention nor I could go out for that lunch and I couldn't talk anymore. He SUDDENLY goes cold and "I am sorry if any of my messages seemed inconvenient. Do answer when you have the time so we can make an appointment." And that's it. No more messages. He's done in my book.

My mom tells my aunt. Aunt goes Sherlock Holmes mode this time and, lo and behold, they find an website of this guy's office. My mom is shocked at how 90's internet it looks for a guy who works with digital law. She then recognizes the address of the office but the doesn't remember of any office building in that street - so she Googles it.

His "office" is actually a residential building - meaning, it was his home address. She shows it to me and I want to cry - out of rage, shame, fear, sadness. I go like "yeah, this is the place he wanted me to go, to his home. What was he going to do to me there, huh?" - and I think the answer is pretty obvious.

Later, speaking to my sister, she's like "I dunno why you're so mad" and I'm like "WELL MISS I just got PICKED UP LIKE A WHORE outside of an OFFICIAL EVENT for the NATIONAL LAWYER ASSOCIATION while I was DRESSED UP PROFESSIONALLY and looking for PROFESSIONAL opportunities and I COULD HAVE BEEN RAPED. I think I have all the right in the FUCKING WORLD to be FUMING."

That's when we diverged some more. She just said like "hey that's how the world works: women are treated like whores - you weren't the first one to have this happen to you and you won't be the last. What are you gonna do about it? Get over it."

Oh. Boy. I looked at my sister's eyes. I saw her just staring at me weirdly. A storm was approaching. The skies darkened. Bury the Light started playing in the background. Vergil's doppelgänger was standing behind me like an angel of death. (All DMC references for my non-DMC peoples)

"Well. I wanna have power. So much fucking power in this world that no one ever even thinks about treating me like that again. So much power they will fear standing in front of me and saying those words - they will look into my eyes and shut up. So much power I will never be afraid to walk on my own again and I will never have to doubt my feelings when I'm feeling unsafe because some lowlife pitiful little shit decided I should be a whore to satisfy him. I want to have power so I will never be this helpless again."

Cue in my sister just sitting there with butter in the slice of bread in her hand, staring at me like "wtf man... do you need a hug...?" and me doing a dramatic exit back to my room to, well... Write the fanfic in question.

(For my DMC creatures: I never even thought of Vergil when I said all of this, I just noted that thought later in my diary and reading it a couple of days later I was like "omg I have become my worst enemy, fuck you Verge" because I kid you not, I used to hate this man with all the fibers of my being - hence where my longfic Nemesis came from. I realized I lived long enough to become my worst enemy - and maybe I hated him because Vergil made me look at the part of myself I didn't like and didn't want to admit existed *I'm laughing while writing this, I do find it weirdly amusing*)

DMC things aside, this WHOLE episode made me feel so frustrated. I never had anyone to validate me, only people doubting me or asking me if I lead him on, or what was I wearing, or if I smiled too much, if I was being too nice, if I said something inappropriate, and so on. I had to get it all off my chest and I thought maybe, juuuust maybe, Dante and Vergil would've been more supportive regarding that.

Because, you know, they know trauma and they are protective as fuck. They can have all the red flags and mental issues in this world, but I don't think they would EVER dismiss their partner - especially a woman - feeling unsafe and fearing being abused or raped. In order to trust, you have to give the person and opportunity and room to open up to you without judgements - and I do think they aren't very judgy people.

I mean, they are demons, for fuck's sake. They can't judge anything especially Vergil

Also, I don't blame my mom nor my sister (even if I got really mad at her). In the end, both of them wanted what was best for me, they thought it was an opportunity and wanted me to get my career back. Truth is, no woman knows how to act when this happens. And they didn't know how to act as well. They didn't want to think of the worst: just like I was doubting myself and my own feelings, they were doubting theirs as well. We ALL had to be validated by a man to admit something was wrong and we weren't hysterical.

Ok, ok, storytime over. But I felt like sharing this because people, you are ALWAYS valid in your concerns - and there's no clothing, no smile, no attitude, no NOTHING that JUSTIFIES abuse. If you're abused or feeling like someone wants to take advantage of you, especially sexually, YOUR FEELINGS AND FEARS ARE VALID. Don't shrug it off or water it down just because people are saying you're overreacting - if I had listened to everyone around me instead of my gut feeling that something was REALLY wrong, only the gods know what would've happened. But I'll tell ya, it probably wouldn't have been good for me.

At best, I'd be mad this guy would want to pick me up like a whore and I'd have to turn him down and take a ride home. At worst, he would've raped me - in his car, at the "restaurant", at his "office". We don't know, but I didn't want to "give luck to bad luck" as we say where I live.

I didn't have support, so I wrote a story to feel supported by the fictional characters I look up to - I wished SO bad I was dating someone, especially a man, who'd tell me he'd go through hell and back to keep me safe and wouldn't allow anyone to hurt me and validate my feelings. Someone who would make me feel safe and I wouldn't have to only rely on myself.

cue in V saying he too wanted to be loved and protected, I tell you, all this time I thought I hated Vergil when I had only found my nemesis in a mirror

So, don't ever doubt yourselves. Don't ever doubt your gut feelings. We might want validation and someone to keep us safe, but sometimes we don't have that and have to rely on our survival mode. It sucks, but there's a reason why that thing is called "survival": it keeps you alive. It keeps you going.

And no one, NO ONE has the right to say you're overreacting, you're being hysterical, you're reading too much into it, you're just trying to find the easy way out, you just don't want an opportunity because you're lazy, you're crazy and deranged, etc, etc.

If your gut is flapping red flags all around, then overreact. Be hysterical. Read too much into it, find the easy way out, be lazy, be crazy and deranged. Be the villain. Be the bad person. You're not perfect. You're not a princess. Be comfortable with people telling you you're bad - but never NEVER let go of your gut feeling when your safety is on the line.

That fucking thing WILL save your life. Being too nice, though, might not. Listen to yourself, be TRUE to yourself, and, again, don't be afraid to be bad.

Someday you might just find your half-demon man who will support you, protect you and treat you as an equal powerhouse, but until that day, keep on conquering your self-esteem and unwavering will.

I'm just saying all of this now because:

1 - I was too scared to talk about this for a looong time afraid the guy in question would find this, know it's me and my safety would be on the line again

2 - Just now I'm getting comfortable with the concept of being "seen as the villain" and being "seen as bad". My whole life I have been dancing around this because people always said I had a "difficult" personality. I watched Cruella recently and it hit home so hard. We do have things to learn from villainous characters and maybe this is just who I am. People are going to see me as bad so, who cares. Even if I'm not, it would do me good getting used to that idea - I can be more assertive to my boundaries and not allow any of this to happen again. So, there you go. It's an exercise everyone should do. Are you comfortable defending your ideas, your boundaries and your integrity even if people are mad you're not being a pushover/perfectly polite?

It's something I think all of us should think about ;)

Also

thanks for coming to my TED Talk :')

#polaris speaks #story time #red flags #workplace #work life #job hunting #I don't even know how to tag this #so if you guys have any ideas you're welcome to add #I just think it's a bit of experience we all have to share #so other people will be aware and know how to avoid this kind of shit #because like I told you not even all the women in my family knew how to act #and we all have this thing of not being rude or cutting off relationships or networking contacts and such #of being perfect all the time #hence why I'm on this 'be bad be villainous be fabulous' phase #'cause I do think some of us could benefit from that #don't be a bitch by all means #but know how to set and protect your boundaries #alsoooo it's a huge post #I know #but I felt it might be good #so thanks for reading if you read all of it HAHAHAHA #I HOPE it has helped you xD #still scared of that guy finding me tho not gonna lie #but it is what it is

[09lover]

my reaction after ()’s attempt to gaslight me for the uncountable time into trying to repair this broken relationship that they ruined

#es talks #no because why………… #you ended it i didnt do… anything…. (head in hands in disappointment) #story time here.. click for more if u wanna read..? #ill call them (). one day they texted me about our friend who ill call koru who unfollowed(?) them on twt because they kept #commenting (more of in a critical way..) about how their art was missing fingers despite it being drawn correctly. so they tried to somewhat #force me to stop talking to koru and shit talks about them to me…. which i still remained in contact with koru and told them everything #so we stayed as besties and eventually () came by to visit me and eventually found out i was still friends with koru then decided to throw a #temper tantrum and ignore me to the point their mother had to get involved… which still didnt work out after their mother helping us 3 times #then our … like 4 years or longer relationship just went down the drain… all because of that. #unfriended me and also started shit talking me to their friends then just yesterday which i found out today #<- discord btw -> she then sent me multiple messages in some gcs we were in… calling me disgusting & said i shouldnt ignore wtf i did in #an attempt to gaslight me thinking what i did was gen wrong and also guilt tripping me to crawl back to her to beg and apologize as i always #do… but i just had enough ehfjejdje #well ill most likely delete this later just needed to get this out of my system!

[liveandletrain]

Explaining to people that one of the most formative influences on my style as a writer was Rosemary Sutcliff always feels like an exercise in futility because no one ever knows who she is :')

#rosemary sutcliff #rain rambles #she was a disabled english writer #from the 1900s #born in 1920 and died 1992 #who wrote primarily historical fiction #mostly based around preroman/roman/post roman britain #but has some other things as well #her most well known work is eagle of the ninth #because they made a channing tatum movie out of it #but i cannot stress enough how inadequately that movie tells the stories she told #living with disability #cross cultural friendships #cross cultural UNDERSTANDING #individual vs cultural conflict #she also wrote two different versions of arthuriana #one with a more fantasy twist #and one as part of her loose historical fiction series #sword at sunset is one of her only books strictly for adult readers #she was my introduction to king arthur #when i read sword in the circle when i was like eight

[discocactusblogs]

🕯️

#how to keep hopeful when you feel like God's not going to give you the one thing youre hoping for #how to keep from being angry at God because you just don't see movement in your life in this one area #yet when you pray for God's will #He assures you you're where He wants you #I have never wanted this thing before and now that I'm older I find myself longing for it #It's hard to listen to my parents when their only answer to everything is “pray about it” as if I havent been doing so for years #It's hard to take their whole “be patient” speech seriously when my mom married at 21 #My dad only slightly understands but I feel like its different at the same time #I was perfectly fine in church until the Pastor told a story about a married couple and the whole church was laughing while I nearly cried #I am the only single lady in my church on top of the only single person in my age group #I'm not even sure why God gave me this desire for marriage and a family #I feel like “God why would you give me this burning desire to have a family and marriage that glorifies and honors you if you weren't going #to give me said thing?“ #I'm asking God to help me enjoy being single but at the same time I feel myself starting to grow bitter and thats something I dont want. #I know not everyone is called to be married and thats what's got me messed up and angry because if I'm not called to marriage #why did He give me the desire for it? I feel like that's just cruel and I know God isn't mean or cruel #also sorry Narni for stealing the way you rant lol #I feel bad everytime I post a rant and using tags seems to work better so I don't feel so bad

[ignitesthestxrs]

are you a kiwi? I'm american myself, but honestly feel like I haven't seen enough kiwis talk about the locked tomb (though i think im partly just missing most of the discourse anyway somehow??)..

if you ever feel like layin out some more thoughts ab tlt id love to read em! <3

i am a kiwi! there is a small but thriving kiwi sf/f community, but overall people are not...terribly online, or terribly into fiction lol. i definitely know there are kiwi fans of the series out there but in general i can imagine most of them simply not wanting to get into it. i don't really want to get into it! i just saw a reply on a post i reblogged and lost my mind about it for a couple of seconds.

as a pākehā/white kiwi i am like, both protective of these books, critical of them, and kind of ill-equipped to be the person criticising how māori characters and māoritanga/māori culture is depicted in them.

tamsyn muir is a pākehā author writing māori characters that she didn't initially identify as such getting like,,,increasingly more māori in depiction as the books go on and she learns more about the general consensus on how white people should write characters of colour. and those māori characters are involved in instituting, recreating, participating in a uh....very roman? sort of societal structure? and in the latest book there's this further māorification of Jod while also depicting him as a radical under fire from the government in a compound, and act which has both deep historical and very recent (2007!!)roots in aotearoa nz culture.

this māorification of gideon too with the prince kiriona stuff is also: something. what is it? i don't know. i don't think it's Cancellable Offense Bad, or even bad at all. but there's an overall freedom of mishmashing aspects of kiwi and māori culture into a broader sf/f context that muir has kind of taken it upon herself to perform, when ultimately it's not her who should have been the person who got to do it, you know? the structural racism of the global publishing industry means that a pākehā writer can step up onto that stage with an ease and popularity that a māori writer is going to have institutional difficulty accessing in the same way. do i think carl tor editor picks up these books if they're written by a brown author? idk man

and then on the flip side - this is a part of her lived experience too. as a pākehā writer, choosing to write, do you include your pākehā-ness? your kiwi-ness? choosing to do that, do you include your knowledge and understanding of te ao māori/the māori world? are you stealing or are you sharing? what is yours to share in the first place?

these are questions that i think every pākehā writer should ask themselves as they're writing and they're also questions that i don't think have a Correct Answer, or even an answer full stop. they're things that i think muir started asking around book 3 lol which is a very better late than never kind of thing, but it's also clear as the books go on that she's laying down her road as she runs on it, so to speak.

i think muir is Trying In Public, which is a deeply vulnerable thing to do, but also, she is right now a very popular pākehā writer introducing māori character and culture to a broader audience, many who have not encountered any of this before, in an environment where very few māori writers have an opportunity to do the same.

so when that broader american audience comes and picks up what muir has put down and then unthinkingly applies their own american cultural lens to what they have in their hands - it's weird, right? it's weird in ways that many (i generalise - not all, obviously, there are also many americans who do have global context) americans can't understand, because those americans don't live in a world where they are outsiders on the global stage. even americans who understand that the rest of the world is not america have not necessarily experienced that in a way that is intrinsic, intuitive.

the world is shaped by america, either by its presence or by its absence. so when a pākehā writer creates māori characters and uses te reo māori/the māori language in her work, which then gets read and used and consumed by an american audience as though it is a creation that belongs in their worldview - it becomes disconnected entirely from the source muir borrowed, or stole from, or grew up with. it forces the conversation into this place of whether or not the americans playing with this particular doll know what they're doing or where the doll came from or why it's a doll anyway, instead of like, why has muir made this doll and should she have and are there other people making dolls, or are other people making different things entirely.

links to some sf/f by māori writers:

THE DAWNHOUNDS by Sascha Stronach

LEGACY by Whiti Hereaka

WATCHED by Tihema Baker

PŪRAKAU, ed. Witi Ihimaera and Whiti Hereka

GUARDIAN MAIA

#this is a conversation i like #am not an expert on #and should not be responded to as though it's the gospel truth about how to consume gideon or tlt or any of muir's work #or any pakeha author at all #if you should take anything away from this as an american reader it's that the rest of the world has learned how to create content #that is juuuuuust close enough to america's exported culture #that american's don't get too weird about it when they encounter it #but there is always like #way fucking more roiling under the surface than you are going to be aware of as an outsider #and that as an act of curiosity and discover and learning about the world #it really behooves people to like #tug on that thread and see where it leads to #(institutional racism) #but you know #cultures that seem very similar because they are white dominated have many common themes #but very different histories and interactions and manifestations #don't assume that because a story is being told to you in words that you recognise that you are getting the whole picture

[bitegore]

some practical thoughts for ~the commune~ (wherever and however that may be)

where is your commune going to be located? what is the region like? what kind of seasonal temperature changes do you have? what's your growing season and land fertility look like? do you plan to have an agricultural commune (which must be tethered to the land) or some other form? If you're going for agriculture, what's your reasonable expectation for crop yield? If you're going for something else, what do you plan to do about feeding the commune?

How are you going to provide shelter? Do you intend to build structures or use preexisting ones? What are your building codes going to look like? How are you planning to prevent disasters (carbon monoxide leaks/poisoning, fires, flooding from pipes, etc)? If your commune is going to be a roving one, what will you do to ensure that your mobile forms of housing provide protection from the elements (ie: if a storm hits)?

how do you plan to get goods you cannot manufacture? do you intend to forego them entirely? do you plan to trade with the outside world? If so, with what money? How will you ensure that trade stays sustainable?

In the event of a storage or food supply emergency (crop damage, etc) what will you do? In the event of a housing emergency (flood, fire, tornado, etc) what will you do? In the event of a medical emergency (outbreak of plague, contaminated water or food, etc) what will you do? Do you intend to have someone to coordinate minor and major emergency responses? You most certainly should have a system for this firmly in place before it happens... because it will happen.

Similarly, how do you plan to handle interpersonal problems? Does the commune have a designated moderator? How do you keep the moderator from acting along biased lines? What do you do if they just fucking hate someone else in the commune? Do you intend to have any interpersonal checks and balances to keep the commune from essentially icing out (potentially killing, in the case of a post-Revolution TM world) members of the commune who are less likeable than others?

Everyone wants to work on the commune, sure, but people are bad at self-management in practice and some jobs are not going to be glorious and pleasant no matter what happens. Who is going to handle management of waste like sewage if no one personally volunteers? Who is going to make sure that crops (f you're going to have crops) are planted in the right fields and that the fields that need to be rotated or planted according to specific crop strategies are being done that way? Who is going to take inventory and ensure that the commune as a whole has enough food, clothing, materials, etc to survive the coming months rather than just the coming days? Who is going to coordinate efforts like construction where various disparate parts need to be done in particular order by people with varied skillsets who cannot neccessarily do everyone else's jobs? The commune doesn't need a boss- but unmanaged projects fall apart, and if projects on the commune go entirely unmanaged, eventually the projects falling apart won't just be pleasure projects but will be important events that might mean the difference between starvation or freezing in winter or houses collapsing and them not doing that.

Everyone asks the medicine question and that's for good reason. How are you going to handle the disabled population on your commune? How do you manufacture ADHD medications, insulin, wheelchairs, etc in a commune setting with probably only very small-scale manufacturing systems? Do you plan to have space for physically disabled and/or neurodivergent members of your commune? How will you provide a "buffer" for individuals who cannot work temporarily (due to injury or age) or permanently (due to any number of factors) in your commune? No member of the commune will be able to reliably work consistently. Likewise, what will you do for medical treatment?

Possibly the most important one - when is this commune going to be built? Do you need to work around existing regimes? Is it tomorrow, next year, next century? is it after the Glorious Revolution fixes everything so you don't have to worry about it? How does this affect your commune? Do you have to pay communal taxes, do you have to worry about zoning laws and oppressive police structures, do you need to worry about "trespassing" and "vagrancy"? Alternately, if the Outside World is gone and it's all communes, what does your emergency medical treatment system (hospitals and trauma wards, the stuff that wouldn't need to be in constant operation on a small commune but which are absolute requirements if you want people to survive things like bad burns or certain medical issues or some kinds of serious interpersonal violence) look like? Is there an inter-commune safety net in place? What of vaccination projects and other widespread methods of keeping people alive that need to be distributed among as many people as possible? How do you pass knowledge from commune to commune?

You don't have to be able to answer all these questions right now, and you don't have to answer them to me at all. But you should be able to answer them before the answers become relevant. The absolute last time you want to be answering the "what do we do when someone needs surgery or they will actually die in real life" question is when someone is bleeding out at your feet; the last time you want to have to answer the "who handles human shit and how do we handle it?" question is when someone has dysentery or e. coli because someone's mismanaged sewage got into the commune's water supply.

#this post is kind of just me thinking out loud. it's not meant to be an indictment of how anyone else thinks #also if you got ~practical thoughts~ in the same vein feel free to add on #i'm tired of utopian 'in the future everything will be better because we said so' discussions. i like practical steps. #i was raised on stories about the israeli kibbutzes and shit. took me years to learn Real stuff instead of what my mom and grandma told me #but even so it's still like. these are things that can be put into practice *now* #or if not now then *soon* #the entire system does not need destroyed to create a commune. you can just do that #it's still hard work but we dont need to wait until after the revolution has succeeded and every capitalist is dead

[minici]

Just gonna rant briefly.

A three person relationship has some extra considerations, but it does not operate on wildly different principles than a couple dating. Because it is just three couples dating. They just happen to also all be dating each other. Advice on resolving arguments, asking about each other's day, etc works almost exactly the same within each couple as it would with a monogamous couple.

And guess what, the vast majority of relationship problems have nothing to do with the relationship being poly and everything to do with two individuals interacting in ways that cause friction.

#poly #6 years of being in a trio and listening to this nonsense #alskjflasdjflajflasdkfdslf #heaven forbid i ask for any advice ever #just wanted advice on how to resolve arguments fully #and keep being told none of it applies to me because i also have another partner so that means no interpersonal skills work ever apparently #okay well what did you tell my monogamous sibling when they asked about the same problem because we're traumatized in the same way? #no i promise not to use it on my abomination poly relationship. Just want to know :P #stories

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

no because i read the first like, four chapters of the outlaws webtoon and was immediately like "haha, no?? why is jay acting like bruce never thought of him as his son? why does this author have it out for b so bad?". i'm glad to know i made the right choice if it just got worse

I could understand the ‘wow, I guess I never really found a family with Bruce if this is just always how it’s going to be with him’ mindset, especially if Bruce was being particularly cruel with him.

[ Batman and Robin #20 (2011) ]

He can be cruel. Exploring Jason’s thought process, how he resolves this in his mind and comes to forgive Bruce again and again is something they could have at least touched on. Instead, they not only did nothing new to move the disagreement forward, but they also muddied it further, in a bad way. If they want to complicate (or worse, attempt to resolve) Jason and Bruce’s decades long conflict, that should be a separate comic entirely.

They could have just had Jason cut Bruce off completely (even if temporarily) with the set-up they had, but they did nothing with it (even though they could have avoided the mess they made if they took this route).

Bruce again does something unforgivable to Jason (but now his friends get fucked over too), only for there to be a half-assed make-up conversation that didn’t really address the real issue, and then there’s no further mention of it. Bruce put the outlaws in a simulation for months without their knowledge, and the conversation Bruce had with Jason later wasn’t even about this. Screw Artemis and Bizarro, I guess. They’re expendable because the core conflict is actually about Jason and Bruce.

I wouldn’t say the bad Brucie moments are too ooc based on how he is in canon. The abuse, and him being big on mass surveillance/never trusting anyone while being the one to repeatedly betray other people’s trust. It’s just all the other characters being so tolerant/accepting of his actions is kinda funny, it’s almost like they’re NPCs lol. But also again why are Bruce’s trust issues which cause a strain on his relationship with Jason a main theme in the outlaws book lmao

Ultimately what this webtoon did was take every irritating plot from Jason’s canon appearances, amplified them tenfold, and mixed in even more unresolved plotholes and horrible mis characterizations.

#if I complained about how ooc Jason was in this this post would be 7 pages long #i mean just the Jason almost killing two face as robin incident alone was framed in such an incorrect way #i just accepted the fact that the author has a poor understanding of Jason’s character and that’s fine because this isn’t canon #look. imo the outlaws work best as a fun adventures type story #the outlaws stuff has no reason to mix with Jason and Bruce’s ongoing disagreement on their moral stances. #attempting to mix the two was a very weird and bad idea?? #especially when they very evidently had no idea how to deal with the aftermath of it #i mean Artemis just lovingly told Jason to go and try to apologize to Bruce #after he practically studied her under a microscope for three months #you know this woman is on par with Diana Prince right? 💀 #and why did they have Biz talking backwards again 💀 it only makes the confusing plot even more dizzy #there’s just too much wrong with this one lol #asks

[remylong]

tatimaxxing (something big just happened to me but i can't talk about it on this blog because ive posted face)

#my friend's in the hospital again so i spent 20 on an uber with my other friend to go see her #but by the time we got there visiting hours were over 😭 #so we just had dinner at the park #and i told her about The Big Terrible Thing for the first time #straight through without embellishment! yay! i think at least #because ive retold the story in so many different ways that im not actually sure what happened anymore #she was like super chill about it though!! and was like im really impressed that you actively made an effort to not be [REDACTED] #not really what she said more like Making An Effort to No Longer [Redacted] #redacted as an action not as a noun blah blah you know #and she told me about how shes faced discrimination at our super homogeneously chinese church which i feel REALLY BAD ABOUT BUT I DON'T KNOW #HOW TO EXPRESS IT TO HER OR WHAT TO SAY ABOUT IT 😭😭😭😭 GIRL HELP #im being so useless and chinese about it 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i don't know how to talk to people about things that matter #and idk like ok v non-tatimaxxing of me to say but ive been so self centered and going Wahhh these normies will never experience my #Deep Secret Emotions unlockable only by spending too much time on tumblr as a child #on the other hand i feel like once this has gotten out of the way i don't really have an excuse for not connecting with my church friends #yknow. like i don't have to hide this from them any more #they're great people!! and they're going through so much and I need to be there for them but I couldn't even get tothe stupidhospital on tim #not cry typing just ran out of space #anyway I wish I could care more about them I wish I could make genuine connections without having to lie to feel some sort of weird #rush of power over them because I know the truth and they don't when I lie so much I don't even know what the truth is #I've been putting my face on here more lately because I want to be genuine and I want to not hide things #but idk if it'll work I think it might just make me unemployable 😭😭😭 #cc diary

[falled-over]

devastating: the feminist essay didnt actually watch the movie

#read 2 essays abt paris texas because i was trying to understand the argument against it #post answers any questions u may have abt the essays #its not a feminist film no but it is in fact far from misogynistic. huzzah #the main problem is people watch it and go 'what the fuck this man is so shitty why are we supposed to agree with him' when the movie tells #you many times that you are not supposed to agree with him #also both of them said we are 'manipulated into empathising with him' which is how all stories work #you are told how to feel about a character through contexts theyre shown in. this is how you tell a story #and if its a good story they dont point at it and say 'this one was bad' they let you decipher that for urself #spoilers (u should watch it its a Great movie) but ur not supposed to think hunter going back to mum is good. they tell you this twice #explicitly through the women of the film. (the french lady so afraid of losing him and loves him so much. and the og mum finally able to #move on from the horrific life experiences she had from aged 17-18 told through her monologue. like come on. watch the movie)