#because mostly what I see is insurance trying to bullshit on technicalities

[devilscreekballad]

Thanks for all the kind words. I'll keep on trying ;_;

For those who want to know what happened:

Okay, as you know I'm unemployed with little to no chance of getting a job.

Thus the government pays my healthinsurance. Well, part of it, because the regulations are capitalist bullshit. Thus I have to pay the rest from the unemployment money, which is around 100 bucks per month.

Now I found out that, technically, the law would allow for them to cover the full cost, but because the insurance I have (and by law i am NOT allowed to change) says -their- price is this and that (lower than what the law says) only that amount is covered.

Aka even though the government already allocates a specific amount to cover these costs, enough so I'd have 100 bucks more per month, they are not doing it.

See why my mental state is so fucking terrible for years?

I know I need a total of 20k to get my live back in order (mostly health stuff, but also proper furniture to finally pack all my stuff away and have a livable apartment, and a new computer to stream stuff proper and interact with you folks on a regular basis), but I can't save up anything the way I'd like to, nor get stuff bit by bit, because...

there's just no money for that after getting food and paying bills.

Again, see why my brain is not in the state to write? Which in turn is making matter worse because I WANT to get new updates out?

;_;

Sorry

#baodc ramble

[artsy-hobbitses]

I'm getting very curious about Malaysia... what's it like there?? Culture, living conditions, etc.

Pretty loaded question!

Off the top of my head, some specifics:

- Very much a melting pot. Malay, Chinese and Indian ethnicities mingle pretty freely, interracial marriages are not uncommon (I’m quarter Chinese on my mum’s side) and the modern Malaysian slang is often a mishmash of Malay, Chinese and Indian words. You have a choice between public, vernacular (usually caters to a specific race ie. Chinese/Indian as a stronghold of the language/customs, however I had Malays friends who went to Chinese Vernacular schools) international, private and religious schools (mostly for the Muslim-Majority Malays). Public holidays are designated for all three major races (big ones are Eid, Deepavali and Chinese New Year) plus more specific ones in Sabah/Sarawak for the indigenous population, and it’s normal for say, Malays to be invited to a Deepavali gathering or for Chinese to be invited to Eid open houses. We’re usually chill about it like that.

- Despite this, racism exists. It’s not loud and proud like in western nations though (except for your occasional Malay nationalist politician) it tends to be more of the passive-aggressive sort. Some parents discreetly warn their kids about not being friends with [X] race at school, some house rental listings with single out [X] race, though we’re coming to the point that we’re not bothering with Asian decorum anymore and publicly shitting on that behavior. On a historical aspect, the potential reason it takes on a more subtle, passive-aggressive tone here was that on 13 May 1969, sectarian violence broke out between urban Chinese and Malays in Kuala Lumpur due to unrest over the general election, and this resulted in the deaths of 600 people, mostly Chinese (My mum lived through this time at the heart of the incident). Basically the nation’s been scarred and has feared a similar event ever since, so those spouting open racial violence get slammed down pretty quick and “Remember 13 May” has often been used as a warning for whenever tensions flare up. Or when politicians want us to keep our grumblings down. We tend to have a don’t-rock-the-boat mentality here on the basis of trying to keep the peace for everyone—-it doesn’t always work. Malay Privilege/“Ketuanan Melayu” is a thing you’ll hear often from some sections of Malays here, who tend to argue that since they’re technically the original inhabitants if the land (don’t quiz ‘em about the Orang Asli), they should get more rights than the others.

-Living conditions vary. I live in Selangor—the state surrounding the Capital Kuala Lumpur—-which has the highest density of denizens. Here, it’s pretty modern. My husband and I rent a two-story terrace house, my parents who are a little well-off have their own bungalow. Places like Penang, Perak and Johor also tend to be more in the modern side. You’ll find more rural areas and kampungs as you go deeper into the heart of country (Pahang), the East Coast (Kelantan, Terengganu) and the country’s rice bowl (Kedah, and by extension, Perlis). This is within the Peninsula—-Sabah (I lived here for about four years) and Sarawak have a combination of modern and rural areas and tend to take life at a much slower pace than the Peninsula states (They also want none of Peninsula’s religious tension bullshit). My father’s kampung is in Pahang, and while I was never close to my paternal grandparents, I do have fond memories of cooking outdoors and plucking rambutan bunches from the trees they grew.

- Wet. Very wet. Monsoon season/‘Musim Tengkujuh’ at year end interspace with mid-year. Fucks with the income of local fishermen who are barred from going to the ocean on the account of rough waves, Flooding is an annual occurrence for rural areas, though we get flash floods in cities too. Common enough that “check for crocodiles” isn’t a weird request when you come back to clean your homes from mud and silt. (Houses near flood-prone areas will employ walls or be built on stilts to withstand the floods).

- 9 Sultans for 9 states, they take turns becoming the Agong (Chief Sultan I guess?) every five years. They’re mostly there the same way the British monarchy is. Don’t really play a big role in politics unless there is a need for them to decree something when politicians can’t work things out between themselves.

- Political leapfrog. It’s. A thing. A politician you see from one party today can be a member of another party tomorrow. It’s gotten so bad they’re considering legislation to punish it. We do call them literal frogs (Katak) when they do this (Sorry frogs, you deserve better!)

- Food. All the fucking food. Melting pot = all the deliciousness. There’s no culturally appropriating cuisine here, everyone’s eating everyone else’s stuff with great gusto. Roti Canai/Chappati (Indian) for breakfast, Nasi Campur (mixed rice, mostly with Malay dishes) for lunch and Wantan Mee (Chinese) for dinner is an example of the food culture trip you go through on any given day. You’ll have Malays who adore Chinese food, Chinese who adore Malay food, and no one fights when they’re eating, that’s all there is to it. Places like Penang are a haven for food and people will make trips just to eat there.

- Islam is the main religion. However, it’s not strictly enforced in most cases, I’d dare even say that we’re quite secular, to the teeth-gnashing of the Facebook army. I’m a Muslim who doesn’t wear a headscarf (except on special occasions), I know Muslims who rescue and keep dogs (My hunter grandfather apparently caught and kept a Dhole as a house guard way back), and I know some who’re LGBT, albeit somewhat discreet about it.

- Speaking of LGBT, the country is not friendly to the community, but neither is it as hostile as sections of the US tend to be about it. As an example, gay conversion therapy isn’t really a thing there (presumably because that would entail the govt admitting that there’s enough gay people to require it at all), workplaces generally do not have a policy targeting people based on their sexualities, like you’ll find butch ladies serving you drinks at Starbucks and gay men working with local theatre productions, and violence against LGBT members is pretty rare (though I imagine this is more because most people here mostly do not want to kick up a fuss in public, what more a fight, and just judge from a distance). Basically, the majority of the public will tolerate LGBT existence—whispering behind their back——until there starts to be a call for rights.

- Good degree of English command. English is understood, if not spoken, by a lot of us here from cab drivers to stall owners, so you won’t be hopelessly lost if you decide to visit. A big majority of us are at LEAST bilingual (In my case, I speak English and Malay, and can understand some Arabic). Quite a number who come from interracial marriages are trilingual.

- Cheap healthcare. There’s a reason we’re one of the top destinations for medical tourism. You have a choice between private and government hospitals which provide a form of universal healthcare. Govt clinics/hospitals offer subsidized healthcare and meds to all members of the public, and most doctors will start out in government hospitals before moving to private practices (like my sister-in-law). Uninsured, a trip to a normal clinic for a consultation will set you back maybe twenty to thirty bucks, fifty if you need meds or a small procedure like stitches. I do have insurance but have never used it for doctor visits since the amount is pretty trivial. I have, however, used it for a hysterectomy surgery + 1 month hospital stay at a private hospital which set me back about RM30,000-RM40,000 (USD7000-USD9500) which I managed to get covered. Ambulance Fees are like, RM200 (USD47) for private hospitals and RM50 (USD12) for govt hospitals. Consultation fees, blood tests and X-Rays go as low as RM1 (24 Cents) in govt hospitals. If you get hurt here, we got you covered.

And that’s just off my head! If there’s something specific you’d like you know, feel free to ask further ouob

#inbox #long post #Malaysia

[fedoranonymous]

Infinite List of Beginner-Friendly Anime Recs: Trigun

"I am known as Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III. Don't hesitate to call."

tl;dr I questioned someone’s recommendation for someone else’s first anime on the basis that people who are unused to anime might like something that’s less than 20 hours long and tells one complete story within the first hour or so, and 20,000 words later I decided to make my own post(s) because I clearly had Feelings

26 x 30 minute episodes + 1 x 90 minute movie | watch it: netflix (?) | hulu | amazon prime | funimation 

insurance agents go looking for a legendary outlaw in the Wild West But IN SPACE (tm) so that they can accurately estimate how much damage is caused by this humanoid natural disaster. damage still accrues.

Follow the Read More for more convincing and trigger warnings (to my best recollection)

Features:

less “space western” and more “western in the space”. Other than some pieces of Lost Technology (TM) this is a pretty standard rooty tooty mcshooty until you get into the Worldbuilding

the fact that the primary cast consists of one lovable doofus who just Doesn’t Know Why Everyone Keeps Shooting At Me and two insurance adjusters who are following him around to try and keep track of how much damage he causes still cracks me the fuck up

the best excused recap episode of all time re: they’re insurance adjusters. they have to SEND the rePORT ahahahahaha brb dying

one of the official summaries called Vash “more doofus than desperado” and like. yeah. yeah. you get it.

you thought Aang’s Technical Pacifism was good but Vash manages to not kill people while creating a torrential rain of bullets. For real. If you like the idea of action movies but hate seeing blood, most of this show is gonna be excellent for you and the rest is gonna be okay to good.

Wolfwood. Just. Give me this midwestern hick priest with his drive by confessional and his money grubbing ways and his heart of gold (ThInK oF tHe ChIlDrEn) and his literal cross to bear (do not google because spoilers but yeah) and his somehow keeping up with Vash when Vash has been an impossibly skilled fighter for like 8 episodes so far. Yeah he’s only in like two episodes. He’s still a great character!

pretty much every recurring character is Wholesome As Fuck and I’m here for it. Tons of quotable moments about how you can never give up and you have to keep moving forward and the inherent coolness of people and yeah. Just a good uplifting show with a whole lot of wasted bullets.

that time Vash has to pretend to actually be every rumor that has ever been spread about him and immediately starts singing “ladee dadee died~ genocide~ ladee dadee dud~ an ocean of blood~ let’s begin the killing times” because he is actually a five year old sometimes and i love him so much

impeccable animation, character design, sound work, etc would I recommend you something that would be painful to enjoy? I mean I guess you wouldn’t know, I could have outstandingly bad tastes, but no you cannot go wrong.

“Repeat after me: This world is made of! Love! And! Peace!”

I might say “x anime did better in the US in Japan” with more or less accuracy, but Trigun abso fucking lutely did so well in the US it got a movie over a decade later because that’s how long it took for dubs to come out back in the late nineties and early aughts. Surprise surprise, Westerns do better in the West. It’s also got the violence porn balanced with a specific precious moralizing that vibes well with a predominantly Christian audience balanced with genuinely awesome humor. Trigun truly is the anime for people who don’t like anime.

Watch Out For:

General warning for violence, guns being the answer to every problem, mostly implied body horror, at least one serial killer, this might be the show with the (implied?) cannibalism someone fact check me, child endangerment (to be fair it’s the child doing the endangering by sneaking in where he isn’t wanted), alcoholism, and general rough times. There’s something really poignant that’s escaping about how God abandoned the world but us humans don’t have that luxury, it’s that kind of setup.

Honestly special shout out for the specifically very accurately Christian proselytizing considering that it’s a Japanese production and as a rule Xtian imagery in anime tends to be used like, say, grecoroman imagery in Hollywood. Occasionally accurate but usually just kind of generalized meh. It was a plus for the overall production but if you’re on my blog it might be a minus for you.

Episode 4 to the point that it’s regarded as borderline ooc. A woman is tied up in such a way that she’s dangling from the ceiling and Vash makes a beeline to try and see up her skirt. It’s an obvious gag and nothing is shown iirc (to be fair I only watched the broadcast version), but I know some folks would like the warning especially after the previous point. It’s a shame because the rest of the episode is really good, it’s an adaptation of the pilot chapter that got Trigun greenlit, but the scene is fairly standalone so should be skippable. Just look for Vash’s eager puppy look and go forward about two minutes.

Millie Tommygun, being the cheerful, optimistic one of the two main girls, can be treated kind of shittily by the narrative, which is hilarious considering Vash’s Whole Everything. I think Millie has internalized the idea that she’s the stupid one to Meryl’s Sarcastic Genius, but also Millie’s the one who figured out who Vash is first and just generally the one who calls people out on their bullshit, with a smile, which is literally their jobs. She’s never unlikable, though, unlike Meryl who needs to defrost to Vash’s Whole Everything despite having Millie for a friend. Perhaps they only just met on this assignment? Otherwise idk why Meryl ain’t used to it yet, probably some heterosexual bullshit.

Any time Knives is in the summary. Remember that “at least one serial killer” yeah that’s Knives et al. Shit has to get darker before you can see the light shining through.

Overall Trigun is such a good anime. It’s just. Have you ever wondered what Avatar the Last Airbender would be like if it was an East Asian author writing about Western tropes? Now you know.

#eli's anime recs #main trigger warnings are body horror ultraviolence and the existence of at least one serial killer #and overt xtian themes? with all of the previous #possible cannibalism too i think this is the one #it's a good show but it is Dramatic As Fuck #also for fuck's sake if you know the show and I missed something please chime in

[acrobaticcatfeline]

The Fear of the Dragonwitch (Triplets RoLoRem AU) Chapter 4!!!

Word Count: 3536

TW: Swearing, hospitals, anesthesia, Remus, Deceit, homophobia talked about, there’s a threat at the end that is a bit violent and inappropriate but its from Remus so like meh.

Notes: This one wraps up the hospital bit with Lo and moves on to the uh, happiest character arc, which is Remus’. It’s pretty cute honestly, There’s a bunch of venting on his part because of the whole Logan thing. But it has a funny ending and he gets to do a happy so like yay! Last chapter here, first one here, I hope you enjoy!

Pairings: Receipt. (receit or demus)

Summary: “This is not ok and if I have to make sure those kids end up in jail before my son goes back to school I will. …sir I'm a lawyer” Logan recovers slowly but surely, but hes still in denial of all that has happened, making it out to be less than it is. Remus thinks its bullshit, and he needs a break; something Damián is completely willing to do. Will the tension between the two snap or will it bloom into something they’ve both wanted for longer than words can describe?

“yeah no I'm sorry sir, but this is not ok and if I have to make sure those kids end up in jail before my son goes back to school I will. …sir I'm a lawyer, I very much know what my rights are, and I have grounds to sue your school. You have two options, you expel the students who assaulted my son and his partner, or I press charges on them for attempted murder and your school for discrimination and failure to keep your duty to assist. I can tell you what would be easier for you to do, and cheaper by a long shot.”

Logan was in a hospital bed. The nurse was finishing setting his new cast as his brothers sat on either side of him. Mimi sat next to Remus, who was crying into her chest, trying to muffle himself as their mom paced while on the phone with the school. She covered the speaker of her phone for a minute, looking to the nurse.

“I don’t know if you know this, but how much would this and all subsequent visits for his injuries cost if we didn’t have insurance?”

“um, well a cast alone without surgery is about 2500, and there would be two normal check ins after so for that I’d say 2940 for that route if you had done it, for the surgery it would be 17,350 alone, I think you'd get out with around 20000 spent on it.”

“thanks! Yeah, so are you ready to do what's right?”

She went back to the call, apparently reaching an agreement as she soon got off the call and leaned against the wall, releasing a breath she had been holding. Logan was groggy. They had just been in surgery and they had put him under, no matter how much it panicked him. The surgery went well apparently, they were keeping him overnight though, mostly for his other wounds. They had noticed the bruises on his chest and legs and were keeping diagnostics to make sure his ribs weren’t broken, or his legs fractured. They had told him he would miss the rest of the week to really recover properly. Eventually it got to be late and the family was asked to leave for the night, save for a parent if need be. Vivian and Mimi both had to go, and all of them gave Logan a gentle hug before stepping away.

He reached haphazardly for his phone, dialing Patton on instinct. It answered on the first ring.

“Logan? Hi Hun, are you ok? What's wrong? Do I need to come help you out of something? Are you even more hurt?”

“I'm- I'm fine pat. At the hospital right now actually, just got out of surgery and got my cast set.”

“oh Logan! Oh, I'm so sorry you're so hurt!”

“meh it’s no big deal. How are you doing?”

“I'm good. every once in a while, I’ll move the wrong way and remember my ribs are bruised, but I'm icing myself, and I'm feeling better already.”

“heh, me too, but I think that’s probably the anesthetics. Mom and Mimi had to go, I'm stuck here for the night, do you mind staying on call with me until I go to sleep?”

“of course not sweetheart.”

 The next few days are rather uneventful. After he gets home, he spends most of the day in bed. Mimi brings him his meals and makes sure that he's ok. He feels bad that she's staying home from work for him, but he can’t really convince her not to; as much as he hated it, he was clumsy and really bad at doing most mundane things he could normally do. It was infuriating at first, but he got used to it rather quickly. By the time the next school week begins, he's ready and outside 10 minutes earlier than usual. He tries to start the car. He tries again. He drops his keys. He gets frustrated, picking them up and finally starting the car. He sets his hands on the wheel and realizes the true problem. He flexes his right set of fingers. The cast is too bulky. He can’t wrap his hand around the wheel. He face plants on the wheel in compliance. He steps out and moves to the passenger seat. When Roman and Remus step out, they're surprised to see him out of the driver’s seat. They pop open his door with a questioning glance. He sighs.

“my cast is too big. Can’t wrap my hand around the wheel.”

Roman and Remus share a look. Remus steps over to the driver side, waiting for Roman to get in before hesitantly heading to school.

This time it’s different. Remus and Roman don’t split off to their own groups. They aren’t quite guard dogs, but they definitely pose a threatening image. They get stares and Logan hides in his flannel, hoping to disappear. Remus grits his teeth and is glaring at anyone who looks too long. When Virgil and Patton get in their sights, Virgil's already running over. Patton is following at a jog.

“oh my god L, what did those bastards do to you?”

“meh, broke my wrist, covered me in bruises, you know, the usual. In 2 months, it'll be like it never happened.”

He heard a pop and a scrape against concrete. When he turns around, Remus is walking away and Roman is looking after him and then over to Patton and Virgil.

“can you make sure Logan stays out of trouble please?”

With a nod from them both, he dashes after Remus. When he catches up, Remus is fuming. His fists are clenched and shaking and the grit in his teeth is like cement. Roman rushes in front of him to stop him.

“rem, you need to calm down-”

“he thinks this is funny.”

“what? What do you mean?”

“Logan. He thinks this is a joke. He brushes it off like it’s a scrape, Roman he almost died. He almost died and I wouldn’t have been able to do anything. Do you understand how absolutely terrifying that is? And he thinks it’s just some inconvenience! What would we do without him Ro? Mom may have made sure those kids were kicked out of the school, but they live here. What if they try it again to finish the job? What if there's more kids like them lining up to see him dead because of the person he loves? What does that mean for us? For me? if I was publicly out, would this have happened to me? how do we keep ourselves safe? How do we keep each other safe?”

“I-I don’t know. I- he wasn’t, he wasn’t the one targeted, tech-technically. I-I think they both were just, uh, too-too gay, I think? Eas-easy target? I don’t think anyone’s gonna try anything I think we’ll be fine we just need to calm down. freaking out won’t help any of us. We just- we gotta just cope. That’s all we can do.”

Remus’ fists shook more until they stopped and fell open. He bowed his head and one of his hands instinctively scratched at his neck, ignoring the tears falling from his eyes. He nods wordlessly, wiping his eyes before walking to his friends. Roman stood still for a moment. He wondered how his family had won the lottery on unstable emotions before going to the theatre room, hopefully his safe space would help him relax.

Remus sulked back to the parking lot of the school, smiling a bit seeing his friends looking back at him from next to Damián’s motorcycle. Toby and Remy were giggling, and he saw Damián shove Remy hard enough to knock him on his ass without even looking at him. Remy, true to his nature, continued to laugh. By the time he actually reached them, their giggles had died off for the most part. Damián flashed him a crooked grin and wrapped him in a sort of side hug which Remus quickly turned into a full one, bouncing a bit, throwing a smile on because he was happy now, right? He let him go and Damián stared him in the eyes unspeaking for a moment before the heterochromatic eyes took a worried form and he reached up to Remus’ cheek, wiping some stray tears away. He fixed him another look before letting go.

“what happened re? do I have to kill someone?”

“what? No, it’s just-”

Remus crossed his arms and looked pointedly away from him. He mumbled something out into his hair and tapped his fingers. Damián sent a glare and Remus sighed.

“my brother was put in the hospital last week.”

“what? Wait, you're fucking kidding, is that why you left early last week? Wait wait, was he the one who was attacked in the halls? Holy shit, why didn’t you tell me?”

“it was, I don’t know, I was worried you were going to like, do something. I almost got suspended for protecting him, and with your record I was worried you would get expelled. My mom had to threaten legal action towards the school to reverse my suspension.”

Damián’s eyes went wide, then fell soft. He reached to scratch at his face and nodded.

“yeah, yeah I imagine I would get expelled for murder. But that was last week, you seemed fine the next day, what's happened since?”

“he- my brother isn't taking it seriously. He hasn’t taken it seriously at all. He just, he tried to go back to class the same day because he was worried he would be marked as ditching. He's joking that its fine and it'll just disappear in a couple months and its infuriating! My brother was attacked with his partner because they're both gay and because Patton is genderfluid. If that could happen, what could happen to me or Roman? What could happen to other out LGBT students? Those kids almost got away without any penalties, they still only got expelled, what if they find us and try it again? Damián, my brother could have died, and now so many people are in danger and he doesn’t think it’s anything more than an inconvenience!!!”

Damián stayed quiet and looked thoughtful. He looked back at Remus and let out a breath before starting to speak again.

“I understand why you're upset re. I really do, but unfortunately, both you and your brother are on the schools watchlist now. I overheard the students in the fight were originally going to be suspended, and that means that staff is watching you both and waiting for you guys to mess up, so they have grounds to actually go through with the suspension. You need to be… good I guess, for lack of a better word. Most of your worries, though valid, are unrealistic. You're gonna be ok, so are your brothers. I can’t help make your brother fully realize his mortality, but that’s really an issue he needs to deal with. No one can help him with that.”

Remus nodded, already feeling better; hearing Damián expel his fears always helped him relax. Remy and toby had guilty expressions, they both patted Damián on the shoulder and gave Remus a short hug and did a special handshake before heading out, trying not to get too involved in their personal business. Damián then looked back at him, looking as if he had more to say, and he encouraged him with a smile.

“look, you seem stressed, and you sound like you're a little frustrated with your siblings, how about I take you out for a night? You'd get a chance to decompress, plus, I heard they opened a new sushi joint downtown, and its supposed to be high class good shit. What do you say?”

Remus fought to keep his face under control, his cheeks wanted to redden, and he wasn’t quite ok with that. He smiled wide though, hugging him tightly. When he released him, he still had the smile on his face.

“I’ll have to pass the keys off to Roman, but yeah! That sounds great dee!!!”

The bell sounds and Remus turns to look at the school, turning back quickly with a smile as he heads off to class. Damián stalls a bit, watching him sprint to class with a smile. He shoves off of his motorcycle and strolls to the gate, getting inside right as the staff was shutting them.

 The final bell of the day rings and releases Remus from his infernal English class. He had packed up 5 minutes ago, excited for spending time with Damián. He was the first one out of the door, sprinting towards the parking lot, ignoring the world as he fell into a giddy trance. He reached the lot after Damián, whose class is right next to the gates. Damián was holding his helmet out with a grin, handing it to Remus, who put it on with a little effort to manage his hair. Damián hopped onto his bike and bid Remus do the same.

“you remember how to ride right?”

“mhmm!”

Once he got his balance, he wrapped his arms around Damián’s middle, feeling the blush rise in his cheeks involuntarily. He was glad the helmet hid his face. He peeked his head over Damián's shoulder to indicate that he was ready.

 They were downtown soon; Remus was half wondering if they were speeding the whole way. Damián parked and took the helmet, setting it on the bike, before shoulder bumping Remus and walking to the door of the sushi spot. They went in and it looked futuristic, blue neon lights and black walls, a pond in the front area, and the booths looked like they were in little secluded bamboo rooms. It wasn’t dinner rush yet, so they were seated immediately. They both ordered a total of 5 rolls each and just chatted.

Remus jumped in excitement when he remembered the new drawings he had made, pulling his sketchbook out of his backpack. Damián just smiled and sipped at his bottle of ginger ale. Remus set his book on the table, flipping past some of his older drawings and to his newest ones. There were some silly doodles around the edge of the page, but in the center was a hauntingly gorgeous drawing of a wendigo, its horns cracked and chipped, it was mangled in a painful position. It had deep wounds and weapons sticking through it at certain spots. It looked weirdly realistic. Damián was in awe at all the hyper realism Remus put in his art. When Remus turned the page, Damián wasn’t really expecting an in depth drawing of him. It was a side perspective of him in a desk at school, leant forward over it, hiding his phone as he looked forwards. He gaped at it, seeing the depth in the wrinkles in his leather jacket, the sense of blurred light emitting from the phone, the shadows cast over him, his small patch of vitiligo that crept up his neck, everything in such loving detail. He took the sketch pad and looked closer, seeing little details he had missed at first, his terrible freckles, the detail in his hair, the discolored spots that were on some patches of his jacket from being old and worn. He looked up at Remus who had the audacity to look sheepish and red, or rather, purple in the lights of the booth.

“uh, you looked nice in history today. I was a little inspired. And, uh you were sat still like that for most of the class period.”

There was some emotion bursting through Damián's dual colored eyes, but Remus sucked at reading peoples faces, that was what Logan did. So he just continued to smile shyly as he was stared down by his best friend and crush.

“…this is… incredible Remus! Holy shit, I have been blessed, you have blessed me! oh my god I can’t believe you did this, its so good! how do you just do this?”

“huh? Oh, uh, I was bored, that’s all. And its not that good, it’s missing a few really key details.”

“like what?”

“oh, um well you had your necklace on and it was too difficult for me to draw at the right scale, so I just didn’t draw it, your bracelets are blank, your like, your fang? Was stuck out a little bit but I couldn’t figure out how to draw the dip in your lip, so I erased it. Your hair was more messed up, but every time I draw messy hair it looks wrong, so I just drew it like normal-”

“like normal?”

“yeah, I have a few other drawings of you back at home, and when I draw you from memory, I draw your hair like this.”

“I didn’t know you drew people rem!”

“I uh, I don’t, really. I only ever draw you…”

Damián looked ready to say something else when the waiter came in with their food. Remus put away his sketchbook and he seemed have realized he had lost his chance.

 After they had finished, Damián took them to a park nearby. It was in the middle of the town square, and they sat and talked, huddled together. It was mid-January, and freezing, but they refused to go home yet. While Remus was mid-sentence he stopped. Damián was confused as he stood up with a grin. He spun in a circle before directing his grin to Damián.

“it’s snowing!!!”

Damián looked up and smiled, standing up as well. Remus bounced in excitement, and Damián had a fond expression directed towards him. He felt the last of his resolve break when a giggle escaped from Remus. He walked over, placed a hand on a now confused Remus’ cheek and kissed him. It lasted less than a second before he pulled away, backing up as the fear filled his eyes. Remus stood still; brain having gone blank.

“I'm sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, oh my god Remus I'm so sor-”

Remus rushed to Damián, arms wrapping around his neck and kissing him with all the passion he had wanted to for so so long. Damián wrapped his arms around Remus’ waist, pulling him closer before picking him up and spinning him around in a circle. He set him back down and broke the kiss again. He reached a hand up, brushing the strand of green hair out Remus’ face.

“never mind, I uh, I don’t think I'm sorry after all.”

“good.”

“hey, it’s getting late and I don’t think I want to leave quite yet. My place is pretty close, you want to just stay the night?”

Remus could barely focus on what he had said, far too busy gazing star struck into his eyes. Once he had fully processed what was said he smiled even wider and nodded.

“yeah. Yeah that sounds great. I’ll text my mom later.”

They stood there swaying together for a few more minutes in the snow before deciding that if they stayed any longer that the ride back to Damián's would be awful. When they get to his house, its late enough that his parents are asleep. They quietly go to Damián's room, and curl up together, falling asleep easily.

 The next morning, they leave for school early to miss Damián's parents and stop at a fast food joint before they arrive. They're still there 45 minutes before the first bell rings and they just chat absently, Damián letting one of his arms wrap around Remus’ waist as they waited for people to arrive. Remy and toby approach with cocky grins.

“finally, they get together, it’s about time!”

“man, does this mean we’ll have to deal with 3 am calls about Re’s eyes even more?”

“oh my ra shut the fuck up you twerps.”

“love you too dee!”

Shortly after, Roman rushes over with Logan close behind, both with angry expressions. Remus makes himself small, suddenly remembering a key detail he had forgotten yesterday.

“Remus what the fuck?! Where were you? You gave me the keys and then fucking disappeared; mom is losing her shit; she thinks you're dead in a ditch somewhere!”

“uhhh, I guess I forgot to text her. Oops? I uh. I stayed the night with Damián, sorry. It was late and it started snowing. Sorry”

Roman and Logan both seemed to deflate. Logan took a look at Remus and Damián and shot an inquisitive eyebrow to them.

“I hope it was a simple staying the night and not something I might have to get expelled for?”

Remus’ eyes blew wide open and he took a sidestep out of Dees grasp. He rubbed his arm nervously as he felt a blush rise in his cheeks.

“NO! no it was just, just a couple of uh, du-dudes being bros! bros being dudes!”

“a couple of dudes being gay-”

“REMY I WILL CUT YOUR DICK OFF WITH SAFETY SCISSORS IF YOU DON’T SHUT YOUR FUCKING TRAP!”

Logan let out a chuckle then turned around, beckoning Roman do the same.

“come on Ro, let’s leave baby bro alone with his friends. Don’t get into too much trouble Rem!”

Taglist: @fivebyfive-finebyfive @tacohippy56900 @analogical-mess @crookedlyoptimisticdestiny @angels-and-dreams @fandomloverangel @demented-dukey @karmels-stuff @demented-dukey

Let me know if you want to be tagged in my writing!!!

Thank you for reading I will see you later ladies lords and nonbinary royalty!!!

#logan sanders #remus sanders #duke remus #roman sanders #my ocs #deceit sanders #sympathetic deceit #rolorem triplets au #familial creativitwins #familial lomus #familial logince #tw swearing #tw cursing #tw hospital #tw anesthesia #tw homophobia mention #my writing #my fanfiction #chapter 4

[bujeetles]

a very messy (m-rated) panda shrine avengers fic. to the two people reading this, hope you enjoy!

Peter Orso fucking hated his boss. He had always disliked Francis Monogram, his blatant favoritism towards the main branch and his upper management outlook were bad enough, but this? This was the last straw.

“Ah Agent P. Apologies for calling you on your day off.” he said through Peter’s watch, voice fuzzy and picture weak, because Peter had been hiking, and there wasn’t much signal on the mountain. He didn’t actually sound apologetic at all.

“As you’ve probably heard, some of the Avengers were recently in Danville, and OWCA had a manner of cooperation.”

“So?” he signed, raising his eyebrows even further than was probably necessary.

“Director Fury feels it necessary to set up protocol, in case a similar situation arises. We have elected to send you as the OWCA liaison.”

Peter bit the inside of his cheek to avoid a growl, because seriously? They were shacking this bullshit paper-trail nonsense on him?!

“Why not yours?” he asked, carefully steeling his face so it comes out neutral, instead of infuriated. After all, Agent Perry, Codename Platypus, had been the heroic savior of the hour, or whatever. (The pictures were pretty fun to look at, if he was honest. Very Silver Age.)

“Our Agent P is busy.” He said, like that was any excuse, they were all busy. “Seeing as your nemesis is currently...offline, you are our best option.”

Offline. What a lovely little euphemism, so peaceable, so voluntary sounding. How utterly bullshit. Mystery wasn’t ‘offline’, he was missing, he might even have been abducted, though Peter didn’t have enough evidence to say one way or the other. But Monogram could never say something like that, it would imply he gave a shit. In fact, he was probably actually sending Peter because he was tired of him using paid time to look for Mystery.

“When.”

“There will be an agent waiting as soon as you arrive back in civilization, Agent P. Do hurry.” he said, and hung up.

Fucking asshole.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Peter finished his hike, but there wasn’t any of the peace he’d hoped for in it. He had thought, being away from the city, he might think of some way to find Mystery. It was strange, he’d always been a thwart and run kind of agent, never staying with one person for long. He’d seen every type of evil there was and some things that weren’t so morally defined. He was unattached, and he was good.

And then Mystery, who never told him anything, and yet he was drawn back and back again, in his traps, in his non-specific monologues. After the kidnapping turned coffee date, they’d gotten closer to traditional, what with overarching the tragic backstory out in the open, but Peter kind of liked the not-knowing, having to figure it out from what little he did know.

Now he wondered, if they were normal, functional, healthy nemeses, maybe he could find him. But they weren’t. They were weird and wrong and made for each other.

He shook those thoughts away as he made his way into the parking lot, he didn’t like Monogram at all, but most of OWCA was solid. He couldn’t afford to let them down just because of his situation.

At first, he didn’t see anyone. The lot was empty, mini-vans and sedans everywhere, the occasional non-family car. His motorcycle. One blink later and there was a woman, tight-laced, no nonsense, gray suit. Very obvious, as far as secret agents went, but well, SHIELD was secret only in name, so perhaps it was appropriate. He walked over to her.

“Identification.” she said, in lieu of hello. Not exactly incognito. Still, he fished out his OWCA ID and she narrowed her eyes at him.

“I thought Agent P worked in Danville.” Peter sighed. Monogram really was leaving it all to him, huh.

“You sign?” he asked, because he hadn’t brought his notebook with him, since it was his day off. He could use his phone if it came down to it, but he didn’t like to. The brightness hurt his eyes.

“A little. Mostly military. You might have to finger spell.” she replied. Not ideal, but at least she wasn’t forcing him to write, nor was she being rude about it.

“Not that Agent P. He’s Platypus. I’m Panda.”

“Weird naming system you guys have got going on.” she said, and he snorted, because she didn’t even know about the alliteration convention, or Agent CH out in Arizona, or was it New Mexico?

“I’ll have to verify your identity on the Helicarrier, but I was going to do that anyway. Let’s go.” she said, and before he could ask their means of transportation, he saw the light gather around him, his stomach start to lurch.

‘Shit. Teleportation.’ Was his first thought. His second, ‘I’m going to pass out.’ He was right.

---------------------------------------------------

Peter woke up on a cot, with a headache and no sound. He could still feel the vibrations of the Helicarrier under him, but his aides were gone. Not on the table, not in his pocket. He swore under his breath, he’d already been on his spares, and OWCA insurance always fought tooth and nail when he requested a new pair. He wondered if SHIELD would pay the bill, this time. It was clearly their fault.

Something hit him in the head, not enough to hurt, but to get his attention, and there was a guy in purple and black spandex in the door, grinning wide. Peter didn’t pay a lot of attention to heroes, but the bow slung over his shoulder was a bit of a dead giveaway. Hawkeye.

“New aides, if you want.” he signed, and it was confident, natural. Peter’s gaze flicked to his ears, the curling piece of plastic resting there. Huh.

“Didn’t know Hawkeye was deaf.” he said as he stood, tucking the box into his pocket. He didn’t really want to hear what he was feeling, not with the headache he was sporting.

“Try to keep it on the down low. Villains and all.” he said with a shrug, which was fair enough. “You’re from O-W-C-A, right?” Peter nodded.

“I’m supposed to feed you to the sharks, but as we are deaf bros I’m obligated to save you.” There was a dramatic tone to his signs, almost like he was performing. It made Peter smile. Perry was the only other person he could sign with easily, and he was all quick and efficient, like he was briefing someone. Of course, that could just be the circumstances. You thwart a taken nemesis one time and it’s all icy stares thereafter.

“Where to?” he asked, and Hawkeye grinned.

“We’re here to debrief, which means the gang is all here. How’d you like to meet the Avengers?”

He’s woken up to worse suggestions.

--------------------------------------

The first place Hawkeye inelegantly dragged him is a lab. Probably. Everything’s so techno-futuristic around here that it’s hard to tell. The occupant helped. It’s Iron Man, or Tony Stark, seeing as he wasn’t in the suit, poking away at screens and looking sleep deprived.

He wasn’t perturbed by their sudden entrance, at least, Peter was pretty sure he wasn’t. The damn screens meant he couldn’t see his lips, though they were moving so quickly he would probably have had trouble anyway. Well, couldn’t all be winners like Hawkeye, he mused, and popped the new aides in.

“-not to mention non-ripable pants for the Big Guy.” Huh. His voice wasn’t quite so deep, outside the suit. “Who’s your friend?” Stark asked, flicking the screens away. Bit late, but whatever.

“He’s the OWCA liaison, Agent P.”

“OWCA?”

“You know, the whole Danville thing?”

“Christ, is anyone ever going to let us live that down? Those kids were good though, hope they take up my offer on that internship.”

“Benefits of not having superpowers to take.” Hawkeye teased. Stark rolled his eyes.

“I don’t have powers either, dipshit. My suit is more zap proof now, though. So, what’s Agent P - you got something else I can call you? Seems a bit Men in Black.”

“Panda.” he signed, and Clint translated.

“That’s what the P stands for?” he asked, incredulous.

“Your name is Iron Man.” he deadpanned.

“Fair enough. Whatcha’ doing here, Agent Panda?” he asked, a little sing-song, like he was echoing.

“Avoiding my responsibilities.”

Stark laughed at that, long and deep, until his breath couldn’t sustain it any longer.

“I like this guy. OWCA might not be so bad.” he declared, clapping a hand on his shoulder. Peter should have stayed quiet. OWCA did not want to get on the bad side of literal superheroes, and overall it did a lot of good. But it felt wrong, not to forewarn him.

“My boss is a jackass.” He wore a scowl as he said it, his teeth grinding together in frustration. His rage had faded a little, being in Hawkeye’s company, but it was back now, and it burned.

“Oof. We’ve all been there. What’s his particular flavor of jackassery? Let me guess: bad insurance, overworked and underpaid.” Stark commiserated.

“My money’s on non-ADA compliance and subtle but consistent bigotry.” Hawkeye chipped in.

Neither of these accusations were wrong, and it’s not like Peter enjoyed them, but they weren’t the reasons he really hated Monogram enough to tell superheroes about it. He wondered if he should tell them the truth of the matter. Maybe they could actually help.

And honestly? Peter was desperate.

“My...” He paused. He couldn’t call Mystery his nemesis, it was a different term on their level. Part of the reason Peter didn’t pay attention to heroes was the evil that followed them, he didn’t like thinking about the cursed red Nazi still walking around. He was happiest when things were on OWCA’s scale. Preventable, personal, often petty. It was evil still, and the more extreme scientists might even be thrown in jail if schemes turned deadly, but for the most part? OWCA prevented the smart and broken from destroying the world by giving them something to do. With that in mind, the term he did use wasn’t technically a lie.

“My partner disappeared last week. He doesn’t want me looking for him.”

Stark and Hawkeye shared a look, one that conveyed information he wasn’t able to decipher, a wordless (and signless) conversation which ended on agreement.

“Let’s call the Cap.”

------------------------------------------

Everything after that was a bit of a blur, if Peter was honest. Captain America asked for everything he knew about Mystery’s last whereabouts, he told him. It wasn’t as hard as he thought it might be, not mentioning the villainy. Mystery was so closed off even his intentions weren’t obvious to see.

He’s about 70% sure they think Mystery is his lover, which is funny and fucked up and only two degrees away from the truth.  There was something kinetic in animosity, similar to sex, and he’s not going to pretend he hasn’t thought about combining the two with Mystery. So many secrets he could unravel under his tongue,  his fingers, and he could just kiss him and kiss him and never stop.

Reality wasn’t that kind. Reality was in the forms he finally picked up, another gut-wrenching teleportation, an empty apartment and a vague promise of news that might never come. Reality was insomnia, coffee he had to pour down the drain because one of the few things he did know is how much Mystery loves it, and he’s not here. Reality was tears that didn’t count because his eyes were still closed.

Reality could go fuck itself.

----------------------------------------------

Four months went by, slow as an ocean current, before Hawkeye - civilian name Clint Barton - texted Peter an update that didn’t include some sort of apology. A photo of a rumpled looking man in a mask with the eyes of a cursed spirit, and a caption that killed in understatement. “he’s kind of grumpy, isn’t he?”

“Yes, yes he is.” he texts back, immediate.

“your bf is kinda dumb, you know”

“like brilliant and whatever but also”

“the only reason he disappeared is b/c of some very illegal wormhole manipulation”

“good luck with the charges on that”

“I’ll manage. When can I come and get him?”

“we were just going to drop him off tbh; you don’t have a good history with teleports”

“also wtf i can’t believe you had us calling you panda for months when your name is actually peter”

“aww he’s asking if you saw anyone else while he was gone”

“I mean he said thwart which is a bit of a weird word choice but seattle so who knows”

“No. I’ve been on desk duty this whole time. I got offers, but I refused.”

“double aww I told him what you said and now he’s all flustered”

“anyway meet us in this field in like an hour”

Peter put on his fedora and googles, sent an email about stopping his nemesis, his nemesis, who was back! He followed the coordinates to a park barely inside Seattle city limits, a little squalid, cameras broken or unattended. All the better for SHIELD’s fake secrecy agenda, when four people beam out of the sky. Thor and Hawkeye were holding Mystery steady, while Dr. Banner - Hulk or not the man had doctorates, while Peter had barely survived grad school - looked on with vague concern.

“Don’t you have somewhere better to be, Peter the Panda.” Mystery growled as he righted himself, and oh how he had missed it, the insults, the banter.

“Not at the moment.”

“Peachy. You know, in another dimension, you’re an actual Panda. And you still left me for Doofenshmirtz. Not exactly encouraging.” he accused, moving towards him, one, two steps.

“He’s not a bad night’s call. But you’re my nemesis.”

Mystery’s eyes went wide, and Peter regretted every second he’d spent stepping out, in downplaying how important Mystery was to him, because it was so obvious in his retrospect.

“You mean that?” he asked, a tremor muffled under fabric. When Peter nodded, the distance between them disappeared, the knife glinted against his throat.

“Very well, Peter the Panda. I will take great joy on obliterating you and bringing havoc upon the entire Pacific Northwest,” He pulled away and smirked. “Tomorrow afternoon. Don’t be late.” With that, he strode off into the depths of the greater Seattle area.

“Did we just rescue a super villain?” Hawkeye asked, blinking furiously.

“OWCA business. Don’t worry, he’s mine.”

[tsaiko]

I am so mad right now.

I am mad for all the BS that unemployment services puts people through. Angry. FURIOUS. I had a white collar office job and enough savings to get me through a year of being unemployed. I'm no where near that right now, but I am irate at the thought of someone who needs the money unemployment insurance provides while they try to find another job having to jump through the hoops I have had to jump through to get the money THAT IS MINE.

Since I have been getting unemployment I have had the following happen:

Spent two months fighing with them about whether or not I qualified for unemployment. I did. Did I get paid during that time? No.

Had to explain to them that no business gives paper pay stubs any more. Everything is electronic, and once you are let go, you lose access to the system. "Why didn't you print any out before you left?" What part of laid off and walked out the door did you not understand?

Documentation. So much documentation. I had most of it, but not all and I am a hoarder when it comes to paperwork. I can't even imagine someone without computer access or a printer dealing with this.

Got lied to about how to file. Got that straightened out.

Go to a whole day seminar where they basically explained how to use the website I'd been using for the last 2 months to file weekly claims. What a productive use of my time.

All paperwork looks the same. A weekly claim form which I throw away because I file on-line looks exactly the same as a notice which tells you you must do something or you lose your benefits. Awesome.

SO. MUCH. PAPERWORK. I haven't filled in so much bullshit paperwork since elementary school. I have no other word for it than busywork. I got a wage audit for the last 6 weeks of my unemployment asking about a company I haven't worked for in over a YEAR. I had to fill everything out with 0 wages because I haven't worked and especially haven't worked there. THAT IS WHY I AM ON UNEMPLOYMENT.

This hasn't happened yet, but I can see it coming. I attached a separation letter from the company mentioned above. I left the company to take another position. So those wages are not eligible for my unemployment calculations (I'm at the max limit anyway). However, the company put TERMINATED in the damn letter which was not the case. I was not fucking fired. I already know the unemployment services is going to be all over that word like ants at a picnic asking me if I was terminated for cause or if they can get money from this company.

I had to develop a job search plan. Okay, look, I work in a specialized technical field mostly on contracts. The contract in question usually come out in Aug/Sept. time frame. There is VERY LITTLE I can do to alter than time frame. What plan am I supposed to make at this point?

The companies I worked for have already PAID that money so that if I was laid-off (which I was) or let go without cause (also happened), I could have something while I tried to find another job. This money is the cost of doing business. It's not a tax people have to pay. It's a tax companies have to pay in case they decided to do stupid shit like hire someone then realize 6 months later "Oops. We're not as good at business as we thought. We can't figure out how to price our product. We have to let go 25% of our workforce. Hahaha." Bitch, I had multiple offers and I could have taken them. Damn right I want my money.

And if companies can't compete or survive while paying the taxes/fees they are supposed to? THEN GO UNDER. Your business SUCKED and your workers or the government should not have to underwrite your shitty ass business model. That is true capitalism.

#ranting #nsfw: language #real life #job search

[hollyplays]

The Roundup: July 2018

It’s been a shitty, shitty month. I’m getting evicted, we got into a car accident, the new insurance has my girlfriend confused for someone with a horrible speeding ticket record, and my little brother, who is learning to drive, has started hiding the car keys for some reason.

I have a tendency to hoard media. During my first year of college I was extremely depressed and contemplating suicide when I read a piece of advice- find something to look forward to, and you’ll never do it. So I started hoarding comics- I think I have 180 GBs of comics on my computer- and movies.

Well, at some point during July things got so bad I started burning through my movies. I’m not sure exactly how many I watched, but...it’s a lot. This is going to be long. 

(I have since stopped watching multiple movies a day, and gone back to semi normal movie watching habits.)

Tampopo: I think I technically watched this in June and forgot, but I love it. Tampopo is a “food western” about a group of food enthusiasts helping a young woman perfect her ramen restaurant. Tampopo has lots of smaller vignettes about how food affects our lives, and the result is lovely and comforting and meditative. Tampopo is excellent, and manages to have one of the best opening scenes to a movie I’ve ever seen.

The Exterminating Angel: This was my first movie by Luis Bunuel, and I loved it. This kind of supernaturalish, surreal horror really really works for me. Plus, the rich suffer, which is always nice. This movie is really wonderful, plus the behind-the-scenes stuff on the blu-ray was super interesting. Apparently to make the actors more uncomfortable in the scene, Bunuel would rub honey all over their arms. Nasty.

The Fisher King: My second Gilliam movie. Better than Jabberwocky, but I still wouldn’t call it good. Robin Williams was excellent as always, but I felt like Jeff Bridges was playing half a character. It had some touching scenes, but overall kind of forgettable. I don’t think I’ll be seeking out Gilliam anymore.

Badlands: I try not to judge directors on their first movie, but Badlands really comes out in Malick’s favor. This is as wonderful a movie about a serial killer as I’m likely to ever see. It’s like a landscape painting with characters. It manages to never be slow or drag despite long flowing scenes. I’m still thinking about Badlands more than a month later, and that says a lot.

Where the Water Tastes Like Wine: This is a really interesting game. WWTLW has one of the most unique mechanics I’ve ever seen in a video game, and the process of watching your stories grow and evolve is so, so cool. I wish the overworld map wasn’t so barren, and that the sprinting mechanic wasn’t such a pain, but beyond that this game is excellent. The writing here is top-notch.

Eraserhead: I’d technically seen this before, but I was half asleep so I’m counting it. Eraserhead is obviously good- it’s film history for a reason- but on a second viewing I’m struck by just how impressive the visual storytelling is. The dialogue in this movie could fit on half a page, but there’s still so so much to it. You need to see this at least once.

Frances Ha: “Frustrating, but enjoyable” seems to be Baumbach’s general ouvre, and Frances Ha is no exception. Still, I enjoyed this more than I thought I would. Frances is likable, even when she’s fucking up, which is more than I can say for her life partner Sophie. For as much time as Frances spends making mistakes, it’s really lovely and warm to see things come together for her in the end. Worth a watch, especially at an hour and fifteen minutes.

The Thin Red Line: Jesus christ, this movie is so long. It’s two hours and forty minutes long, and nothing of worth happens after the forty minute mark. It’s a war movie that manages to be beautiful and haunting, which would be impressive if it didn’t just fucking drag. I might watch this again and just turn it off at two hours, honestly.

Days of Heaven: I wanted this to be better than Thin Red Line and it was. Days of Heaven brings Malick’s landscape painter sensibility to labor in the 20th century, and the result is genuinely fantastic. The visuals here are stunning, even if the story is a little lacking- my biggest frustration is that most of the story events take place in the third act, like Days of Heaven is the first part in a series of novels that doesn’t exist.

Fat Girl: I get what this movie was trying to do. I understand the metaphor for how dangerous it is to be a woman. I get it, and I can respect it, but fuck do I hate this movie. I just don’t wanna watch 2 hours of a young fat girl getting shit on by her family, interspersed with rape scenes. I’m not interested in that, no matter how pretty it’s shot.

Mary and the Witch’s Flower: I watched this as a palate cleanser after Fat Girl, and it served that purpose just fine. It’s an okay movie on it’s own, but in the shadow of the rest of Ghibli it kind of pales. The animation and visuals are as phenomenal as ever, but the story is a little all over the place. Definitely still enjoyable, but sort of middling.

Sounds of Summer by Ten Toes Spumoni: If we’re Facebook friends, you’ve probably already seen me talk about this album. It’s been on repeat around here pretty much since it came out. Ten Toes Spumoni is a good friend of mine, and I genuinely believed nothing he made would top Journal of Hypnosis, but Sounds of Summer blows it out of the fuckin water. Throw a few bucks his way, because he deserves it.

Hannah Gadsby’s Nanette: This is a standup comedy act that isn’t particularly funny. It’s amazing, and full of toothed commentary on the world and LGBT issues, but it isn’t funny. It’s heavy, and hard to watch, and worth the trouble. I think this is one of the few things I gave 5 stars this month, and it deserves it.

Wizard of Legend: A big part of watching movies for me this month has been finding the perfect roguelike to play while I watch movies. I eventually settled on Gungeon, but Wizard of Legend was a strong contender too. It’s roguelike elements are really enjoyable, and finding the perfect combination of spells is fun, but resources are a little too scarce for my liking.

My Own Private Idaho: I loved this movie more than I expected to, and I knew I’d like it. My Own Private Idaho offers an exceptionally gay take on modern Shakespeare, and River Phoenix and Keanu Reeves are absolutely phenomenal here. The interview segments are a little hard to watch, but the rest of the movie is beautiful and sad and lovely. One of my favorites in a long time.

Coco: Similar to Witch’s Flower, I thought this was fine. The music is wonderful, and the animation is beautiful, but the story is a little lacking, especially towards the third act. I think Pixar forgot how to write villains that aren’t just ‘good guy’s been bad the whole time’. Hell, even Incredibles 2 did it.Those complaints aside, Coco is really enjoyable and well worth your time.

The Spirit of the Beehive: A meditation on childhood, the Spanish civil war, early film, and Frankenstein. I enjoyed thinking about this movie later more than I actually enjoyed watching it, I think. It’s a little slow, but the third act picks up and wraps the story up nicely. Definitely watch Huellas De Un Espiritu if you watch it, it adds a lot of context which helps the movie out.

Simon Of The Desert: Short movies are nice when you’re watching three a day, so I really appreciated Simon Del Desierto’s 45 minute runtime. It’s both less surreal and funnier than I expected- Simon Del Desierto feels more like Monty Python than Jabberwocky did. Highly recommended.

Cronos: A little disappointing, I’m not gonna lie. I’m a huge Del Toro fan, so I was really excited to watch his first movie, but it left me lukewarm. He describes it as a vampire film, but it takes a long time to find it’s legs. Worth the watch just for Ron Perlman and the scene where a little girl breaks his nose.

The Devil’s Backbone: This is what I wanted Cronos to be. A Del Toro twist on gothic romance and ghost story, Devil’s Backbone is as unsettling as it is charming. The kids in this movie are exceptional actors, and the script sells their childhood so, so well.

The Adventure Zone: Here There Be Gerblins: I didn’t expect too much from the graphic novel of TAZ’s first arc, but it really surprised me. Carey Pietsch’s art is just cartoony enough to bely the adult humor in the series, and the characters have been deftly adapted. The first arc in the podcast suffers a lot from ‘pregen syndrome’, where Taako and Merle weren’t super fleshed out, but the graphic novel rights the ship really well.

Black Girl: At 59 minutes, Black Girl is well worth your time mostly for how angry it’ll make you. Black Girl tells the story of a Senegalese woman who is deceived into becoming a house maid for a rich French woman, and the sheer amount of bullshit she puts up with before losing it makes her a saint in my eyes. I enjoyed this movie a lot, and I’m excited to see more African cinema.

A Hat In Time: I’ve played the shit out of this game and it never gets old. A Hat in Time is as charming as charming gets, and it perfectly recreates the feeling of playing Mario Sunshine for the first time. Only, you know, Hat in Time is fun.

Pony Island: Pony Island is one of those games that’s just a little too short- not because it feels rushed, but because I wished there was more when it ended. It’s a little cheesy in places, and the dialogue is a little slow, but the puzzles are perfectly scaled and the sense of humor is really great.

Styx: Shards of Darkness: This game might be good. I don’t know. The main character’s dialogue was so shitty I only played about 40 minutes of it. Imagine the mechanic in Jak & Daxter where Daxter makes fun of you when you die, but they got the writers from Family Guy really drunk and had them write it and never told them no.

#holly talks #holly plays #the roundup #july 2018

[chipotle]

A brief chat about Chuck Wendig, the Internet Archive, and bad information spread in good faith

Because I’ve got a bug up my butt about this again, let’s briefly dig into a social media myth that Will Not Die:

“Chuck Wendig is suing the Internet Archive!”

No. No, he is not.

There are two important bits of background here.

First, the Internet Archive. If you know them, you probably know them because of the “Wayback Machine” that archives millions of web sites. They do a lot of other archive-ish stuff, though, including collecting and scanning books. A while ago, they decided to create a digital “library” of those books: anyone could “check out” as many copies of those books at one time as the IA had physical copies of. This is more or less the way digital lending works from your local library: they pay for, say, three copies of a given ebook title, and now three library users can “check out” that book at once.

Well, that’s the “more” part of “more or less”; the “less” part is that the IA was doing that with physical books and technically lending digital copies is not the same thing under copyright law. Even so, publishers mostly looked the other way.

Until.

At the start of the Great Pandemic, the IA decided they were now running the “National Emergency Library” and lifted the per-copy limit. If they had ten copies or a book or two or one, it didn’t matter, however many people wanted to check out a copy at once could. And the IA sent out press releases about this. They wanted everybody to know!

I’m not going to argue about the ethics of modern copyright law, but as a legal matter, this is not a gray area, kids. It just isn’t. The Internet Archive was all but sending out notarized letters to publishers saying “we dare you jerky jerks to come after us with everything you’ve got,” and golly gee, they got sued by the Authors’ Guild and several publishers. Who could possibly have predicted that outcome other than, you know, fucking everyone.

You will notice, perhaps, that the IA was not sued by individual authors over this. They were sued by publishers and a writing guild.

Second, Chuck Wendig. Wendig is a science fiction, horror-ish author who runs a popular blog and has a freewheeling, gonzo, over-the-top style—I’d argue more in his non-fiction than his fiction—that, well, you could call polarizing. (I enjoy it, most of the time, but I could see how many might be driven far away at high speed.) He also wrote a couple Star Wars novels, famously introducing the saga’s first major gay character in Star Wars: Aftermath.

And this was not popular with a predictable loud subset of reactionary fans, who carried a hate-on for Wendig that culminated in the trolls getting him fired from Marvel’s “Shadow of Vader” comic book, ostensibly because of his “vulgarity” in expressing what Quartz calls, with delightful understatement, “his unabashedly left-wing political views.”

So if Wendig didn’t sue the IA over the Emergency Library, how did he get involved in all this?

Well, he called it a “pirate site,” which he pretty quickly apologized for, but also wrote a much longer statement on the subject.

The problem with bypassing copyright and disrupting the chain of royalties that lead from books to authors is that it endangers our ability to continue to produce art—and though we are all in the midst of a crisis, most artists are on the razor’s edge in terms of being able to support themselves. Artists get no safety net. We don’t get unemployment and aren’t likely to be able to participate in any worker bailouts. Health insurance alone is a gutpunch cost, not to mention the healthcare costs that insurance wouldn’t even cover. I’m lucky enough (currently, at least), that I can weather a bit of that storm more easily, but most can’t, particularly young authors, debut authors, and marginalized authors who are already fighting for a seat at the table. I’m also not alone in calling this site out—others like Alexander Chee, NK Jemisin, Neil Gaiman, and Seanan McGuire have noted their concerns over this.

I am all for access to information and entertainment, and remind folks that libraries here already allow you to take out e-books, even while their brick-and-mortar locations are closed. I used to work for a library system here in Pennsylvania, and libraries all around the country deserve their time to shine in this crisis, as we realize what vital institutions they are, both intellectually and as a service to the community.

Come on, how could anyone read that and, in anything even approaching good faith, take major offense at it? This is empathetic to authors and libraries. Yes, it’s (gasp) making a claim that copyright does have value, and maybe you don’t see that. But I hope you at least see why a lot of authors feel they should be the ones to make the choice about how their books get distributed. I’m not against giving my own work away for free, but I am against you telling me that you’re going to give my work away for free and I have no choice in the matter.

In fact, I don’t think the people who started this “Wendig sues the IA, film at 11” bullshit did so in good faith. I think many people spreading it are doing it in good faith, but bluntly, I think they’re being used by trolls relying on it being way easier to click “like” or “retweet” than to do fact-checking. (Frankly, I despair at how often I see left-leaning friends gleefully retweeting the most dubious shit that confirms their biases, but that’s a bridge I won’t burn today.)

While this whole nonsense is months old, I’m seeing another new thread floating around today fisking an older book of writing advice from Wendig, inviting us all to mock how weird and bad his writing is and how awful his advice must be and oh yes remember he sued the Internet Archive!, and I’m out of patience nuggets for this one. If that’s your image of Chuck Wendig and what he’s like and what he writes, let me offer a different one, from “Follow the River, No Matter Its Rapids, No Matter Its Turns“:

It’s a lot right now.

I think if we can agree on anything, anything at all between us, it’s that everything is a whole lot. It’s too much. If you’re not screaming into a couch cushion soaked with gin right now, who even are you?

But here’s what I’m thinking.

I’m thinking all of this is a river. It’s a dark, fast river. It crawls serpentine through the earth, through the forests. Sometimes it moves slow, other times it’s all rapids. Sometimes it is eerily serene, and sometimes it’s rough enough to knock your teeth into your knees and draw blood. It’s waterfalls and eddies, it’s deep and it’s cold. Like all rivers, it can soothe you, and it can betray you.

This river, the river we’re in and on now—it’s harder, meaner, a river after a flood, a river whose waters are not sated, who will not abate. It’s mudded up and frothing like the muzzle of a rabid wolf.

You can fight against that river.

We often do, in writing. We often go against our own moods, against the news of the world, against bad reviews and against poisoned thinking. Our work is often an act of anchoring our boots against the soft slick weeds and the water-smoothed stones and move against the current.

Upstream, stories can be born.

Sometimes, though, I think you gotta do the other thing.

Sometimes, you go the other way.

You go with the flow.

You run with the river, not against it.

And what that means, practically speaking, is you let it happen. What you’re feeling, what you’re seeing, sometimes those elements demand to be seen in the work. Sometimes the river is the channel that feeds the narrative sea, and that means you need to put it in there, out there, all over it. You don’t escape. You confront. You ride the turns, you rough out the rapids, you take all your fear and your anger and your confusion and you put it on the page. And not even in a way of trying to write something that’s marketable or sellable—but just trying to speak honestly about who you are, about the world in which we’re living, and about your grappling with all of it. It’s not even about writing a cogent book or a collective piece. It can be about taking the time to punch that keyboard and scream onto the page—if only to clear the water and find time to climb back onto shore to write something else. It can be the thing you’re writing, or it can be a way to get to the thing you’re writing.

I don’t mean to suggest this as good “advice”—it’s certainly no requirement. You have to do what feels best and right—and, further, what feels most productive in the direction you need to be going. I’m only saying that, if it’s that much of a slog, if the slow churning march upriver and against the current feels like you’re fighting too hard and losing to the pressure, turn around and go the other way. Sometimes we want to, even need to, write about what’s going on inside our heads and our hearts. Sometimes we can’t ignore the room on fire. Sometimes we can’t get out of the river or go against it. And in those cases, let the waters take you. Write what needs to be written. Write what the river tells you to write. Follow the water, and see where you go.

You may still hate that writing, but if you do, who even are you?

[deadskepticfiles]

THE DREAMING PROPHET: EP 3 TRANSCRIPT

EPISODE THREE: LISTEN UP (LINK)

The Daimons have their own personalities and agendas, and knowing them is critical to surviving in their weird game of eldritch chess. We're saying their names out loud so you don't have to. Talking points: Speak-As-One, Thee-I-Dare, Die-For-You, Dance-For-Us, The-Measure-Cuts, In-Her-Teeth, Laugh-Last, The 8th god, Other daimons, "Godtalk" etiquette. Featuring guests, Archer and Xaviul.

Spoiler + Content warning begins at 1:00. Content warnings: children being harmed/murdered, general horror, genocide ["The Cull"].

Credits:

- lavanya: host, transcript, video editor, asset artist, speak-as-one's #1 fan

- astriferal: host, audio editor, puncher of things

- be11amy: advertising, fact-checking

- archersvolley: guest

- xaviul: guest, moral support

- transition audio clips, music, voice lines: the blackout club/question games

lavanya [00:00:01] Good evening and welcome, my favorite listeners, to the Dreaming Prophet. Tonight we're dedicated to bringing the truth that upright ape was never meant to know.

 lavanya [00:00:11] But please be informed that the Dreaming Prophet takes no legal liabilities for explosions, implosions, emotional breakdowns, or existential crises that result from hearing the false gods name spoken aloud. If you are concerned, please contact your doctor and rest assured that CHORUS Insurance is always offering free talk therapy at all hours of the night and day.

 lavanya [00:00:34] So, lean back in your chair, relax and remember: we Speak-as-One as you listen to the night's show.

 lavanya [00:00:42] My name is Lavanya -.

 astro [00:00:44] - and I'm Astro -

 astro [00:00:45] - and we'll be your hosts for tonight. This is a Blackout Club show for Blackout Club players, with no speculation, all lore, and a focus on the known facts. Our topic of the day today is the Daimons! We'll be talking about the Daimons spheres of influence, and what they're like in the game.

 lavanya [00:01:00] So, our content warnings for today are the same as they are for every episode, so we'll start off with that.

 lavanya [00:01:05] There is the warning of general horror, and the discussion of children being harmed, kidnapped, and occasionally murdered. Specific to this episode is the mention of the Cull, which is a historical genocide that occurred in Red Acre, in which TID's hosts were hunted down and killed.

 lavanya [00:01:23] As always, the friendly reminder is that the Dreaming Prophet is a spoiler heavy show dedicated to discussing lore. If you are looking forward to finding out this information in-game, then exit out now, because we're about to rip into all of it.

lavanya [00:01:37] So, as Astro said earlier, the topic of the day is Daimons, who are the gods within the game. They can speak to players and are the cause of all the spooky bullshit that's going on. As far as we know in-game, as of right now, the most powerful of these Daimons and also the oldest is Speak-as-One. Keep in mind that's the command, that is not his name!

 lavanya [00:02:17] They are the main antagonists of the game. And, as you heard, probably from the emphasis on the pronoun there, they are one of the gods that uses non-standard pronouns. Speak-as-One's entire thing is that they are everyone in Red Acre. They are a hive mind daimon that is composed of the memories, and the thoughts, and the beliefs of every single person who lives inside of the town. Even the kids! So they use they pronouns, but they can also be referred to as he or she, because technically, Speak-as-One is everyone.

 lavanya [00:02:50] So, as I said, Speak-as-One is technically everyone inside of Red Acre, and, as far as we know right now, Red Acre exists as an extension of them. This can be seen in the fact CHORUS Communities, and the CHORUS logo, covers everything in the games. And if Red Acre is Speak-as-One, then CHORUS is the backbone that holds it all in, because CHORUS is the company that employs most of the adults within Red Acre.

 lavanya [00:03:17] Bells' mother is employed by it. The logo is everywhere. It runs a daycare, it runs a utilities company. As far as we can tell, it may even run the town. What's fascinating is that, the more you look into what courses and rather reach stretches the more you'll find it throughout the game. When Niolle and Siobhan are discussing their insurance in the baby journal entries, they mention that course insurance may not cover their IVF if they're not careful about the donor. If you read further journal entries that deal with Siobhan's brother arriving, the police report implies a certain involvement with the Speak-as-One cult, as well CHORUS. CHORUS's involvement in the town can even be seen in the Whisper Twins dialogue, in which they note that Red Acre is a lot more diverse than the other towns around them in Virginia.

 lavanya [00:04:02] You can even see, with the whisper twins, that they mentioned that CHORUS brought many of the families into Red Acre, and that it is a great deal more diverse than the rest of Virginia around them. We don't know exactly what CHORUS is, beyond the front for the Speak-as-One cult! But what we do know is that they've got their nasty little fingers in pretty much everything.

 lavanya [00:04:22] So CHORUS is one aspect of Speak-as-One, but it's not the only one. It's important to note and keep establishing that Speak-as-One is not just the voice of the Daimons. Speak-as-One a title that encompasses a great deal of things throughout the game, so it's important to keep noting as we cover Speak-as-One as a topic.

 lavanya [00:04:43] Speak-as-One is not just the name of the Daimons. It is not just the name of the organization or the cold. It is a command and it is a command that encompasses all of the individuals who are part of the Speak-as-One hive mind, who, coincidentally, are enemies in the game.

 lavanya [00:04:59] We can divide this out into the sleepers, who are adults who may or may not be in this cult consensually. It's important to note that sleepers are essentially just the adults who have proven able to hear the song. We don't know the specifics on why some people are able to hear and why others are not! But not every adult within Red Acre is capable of hearing it, and then being controlled by the song. When you can hear the song, then when you go to sleep, you'll black out and you'll be taken over by Speak-as-One to serve whatever weird purposes that they have in mind for you.

 lavanya [00:05:33] When you can't hear the song, you actually get to sleep.

 lavanya [00:05:35] The second enemies are the Lucids, who, unlike the sleepers, are in this 100 percent consensually - or, at least, mostly consensually! They are adults who were awake while they are still involved with the song, and they are the direct hosts of Speak-as-One. We don't know exactly what this means, but what we do know is that it keeps them awake when everyone else in the town is asleep - and even when they want to go to sleep - and that it is a slightly hazardous thing to be lucid!

 lavanya [00:06:02] They refer to Sleepers as constantly being in pain, but the Lucids are the ones who note that their bodies are being worn down, and that they may be at risk of serious harm. Why? We're not exactly sure yet! But sleeper or lucid being involved in the song doesn't necessarily seem pleasant.

 lavanya [00:06:20] We covered this last episode, but the Song is basically an unknown song that everyone mind melds into it. When you are underground in the maze, you can actually - if you go and stand in a corner where no one can see you, close your eyes and hold your breath - you can actually hear the song playing around you!

 lavanya [00:06:36] It is loudest in locations like the Plexus, and in some areas like Dream Therapy, you almost can't hear it at all. Even in the boxcar, you can hear the song playing, and the only reason that the children who serve as the player characters of the Blackout Club aren't actually asleep is due to the intervention of an unknown Daimon.

 lavanya [00:06:54] The last part of Speak-as-One is the voice.

 lavanya [00:06:59] The song itself is the Daimon, which is also known as Speak-as-One and what the Voice is two adults: one man and one woman, who Speak-as-One and who serve the direct hosts of Speak-as-One, the Daimon. You can see an example of them speaking in the Madi-Shaw incident report, where you can hear them talking to a Lucid about Madi-Shaw breaking into the horse industries.

astro [00:07:22] Now, if Speak-as-One is trying to mind meld everyone into the Song, Thee-I-Dare is their direct opposite. Thee-I-Dare focuses on rebellion and individuality. When you look at his tag on the altar, you can see a quote from our very own Isabella Madi-Shaw, who says:.

 astro [00:07:38] Dad tore my ear off. Said I should never sneak out again, etc. But some new voice said: hey. Dare you to do it anyway.

 astro [00:07:46] He is referred to as the Adversary by Speak-as-One and co., but the other voices call him brother. He refers to himself by he/him pronouns right now, but he used to use she/her pronouns, and maybe more beyond that. Speak-as-One doesn't agree with this and often calls him it. He created spoken language in order to keep secrets.

 astro [00:08:06] He's talked about this a few times. Speak-as-One conversely has been trying to use what they refer to as the old language, the Old Tongue, which is dance. All of the gestures that we as players do is are part of this old tongue. But it's not very secretive! Anyone who can see you can understand what you're saying.

 astro [00:08:24] Thee-I-Dare realized that this wasn't good for keeping secrets, and this is where spoken language came in. With spoken language, you can whisper, and if you're not in earshot: too bad!

 astro [00:08:35] Thee-I-Dare once had hosts in Red Acre, but they were all destroyed in what we refer to as the Cull. The Cull is the source of the fragments you can find in game. All of the places where his past hosts were killed now have fragments in them, and you can find them above ground and below ground in many different areas on the map. We have confirmed that at least one of the murders in the Cull was covered up and made to look like a suicide. However, we know that isn't true.

 astro [00:09:01] The cult directly targeted these people and tried to get them out of the way. After this event, Thee-I-Dare was shattered. He was very weakened. Thee-I-Dare has said in god talks that his fragments are essentially - to him - as Speak-as-One's watchers are to them.

 astro [00:09:18] Through his fragments, he can remember select things that those hosts choose to share with him. Thee-I-Dare has spoken in a few dreams, but you may not have realized that you've heard him. He originally only spoke backwards. The audio had to be recorded and reversed to understand what he was saying. And although he has spoken in dreams a few times, he's been significantly more active in god encounters throughout the game.

lavanya [00:09:44] All right. And that leads us into the second best god of all: Die-for-You!

 lavanya [00:09:49] The first and most important thing now about Die-for-You is that he is the Daimon of martyrdom. He focuses heavily on sacrifice, to the detriment of literally everything else.

 lavanya [00:09:59] Thee-I-Dare wants you to survive and be rebellious and be yourself. Speak-as-One wants you to conform at all costs and stop being such a little fucky individual. All of the gods have their own motivations and their own desires in this game, that they are trying to push to be satisfied, but Die-for-You is the only demon whose focus is entirely on the players. It makes him pretty unique!

 lavanya [00:10:23] Unfortunately, this is not necessarily great for the player. What we've heard of Die-for-You from the other Daimons so far has largely been focused on the fact that Die-For-You runs hard with his hosts, and with his followers.

 lavanya [00:10:36] While he is one of the friendliest of the gods and he is super interested in helping players find and pursue their passions, the problem comes towards the end of that. Like any good monkeys paw, Die-for-You will support you to the very end.. hard emphasis on the end, because when push comes to shove, if you're not willing to die for your ideals, he's just not that into it. Die-for-You is one of the gods that has been the most verbal in dreams, and in his dreams, he's constantly coaxing and pushing and cajoling players towards what they're passionate for and what they're passion enough to die for.

 lavanya [00:11:15] Die-for-You ultimately wants you to die. Martyrdom is his province and it doesn't matter what it's for. It can be for your friends, for your parents, for preserving the sanctity of your individuality in the face of this cold, cruel, conformist world. It could be for your shoes! He doesn't care, as long as you're willing to go out there and get shot for it.

 lavanya [00:11:39] According to the other gods, Die-for-You followers burn out quickly and they burn out hard, bu~ut some would say that's perfectly fine. Thee-I-Dare followers also die frequently and SAO's followers live forever, but Die-for-You's followers.. when they die, they're always here to make a point.

astro [00:12:03] Dance-for-Us was once named Dance-for-Me when she was more selfish, as she says in a dream.

 astro [00:12:09] On the altar, her featured quote says:.

 astro [00:12:12] I guess it wants thrills! Woke up still buzzed or eyes like black holes. Bite marks all over me, but, yo, I had two grand in my gym shorts.

 astro [00:12:21] That's from FC Rider. Her hosts have been caught dancing in the woods, then attracting attention from sleepers, which then gets passed onto the Lucid and then to the Voice. We can see this in the dancing sickness log in the journals.

 astro [00:12:35] Gwen also notes that, if you follow Dance-for-Us, someone should tell her to chill the fuck out just a little bit. Back in the beta period, she had a period of time where she issued a challenge to players asking them to bring her music and some of them did. As a result, all players in the game now have the gesture: the "Gift" of Dance. Interestingly, her time in the limelight has not yet ended. Her symbol is being used in the recent dance recording mission, though circumstances around this are unknown at the time.

 astro [00:13:05] We don't know who's placing it there, or why, or what it actually does to the sleepers that step into it. But after they step on the symbol, they're compelled to dance.. even to the detriment of their health, possibly even to death.

 astro [00:13:19] More on this after a word from our sponsors!

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lavanya [00:14:00] So! Now that we're back from our commercial break, I'm excited to say that tonight on the Dreaming Prophet, we are having the first of what may be many exciting guests features. So to wrap up our Daimons discourse - or start some new ones! - we are going to introduce two exciting new people to the podcast for this episode. The first of these people is Archer!

 lavanya [00:14:21] Say hi, Archer!

 archer [00:14:22] Hello, hello, hello. My name is Archer, and I have been invited to come and talk about some of the gods here on this podcast, and let me tell you, I have a lot to say. First of all, it's going to be like, you know, the The-Measure-Cuts -.

 archer [00:14:36] - AND THEN MY PERSONAL FAVORITE, THE EIGHTH GOD. Which, let me tell you about the eighth God. He is hands down one of the most fantastic and best gods that you can all -.

 xaviul [00:14:46] [car horn]

 xaviul [00:14:51] And I'm Xaviul, master of sarcasm and sacrifice.

 archer [00:14:55] Wow.

 xaviul [00:14:55] We're just going to move on!

archer [00:14:55] Rude. All right. So, I guess, since we're not going to go on about the eighth God here.. let's go ahead start off with The-Measure-Cuts!

 archer [00:15:08] The-Measure-Cuts is a really interesting God to talk about. Some of his main themes is precision and knowledge and skepticism. The-Measure-Cuts is very commonly associated with science, especially with his themes of knowledge and precision. This fits in pretty well with him. However, he has actually been around since before the advent of science itself, back in the olden days. He actually used to be a goddess of blacksmithing, which makes me believe that he is less associated with science, and a lot more with the precision that comes with creating things out of metal, and creation in general, and the knowledge that comes with that.

 xaviul [00:15:50] He also helped invent the swirly, if you know what I mean.

 archer [00:15:53] Get out, bully.

 archer [00:15:58] His current host cannot be shoved into a toilet and swirlied, because his host is dead! His current host actually is a scientist who used to study the voices, and refused to host The-Measure-Cuts until he died, because he did not want The-Measure-Cuts in his head to influence and potentially bias his work. The-Measure-Cuts actually respected him heavily for his dedication to his research, so he was pretty OK with this.

 archer [00:16:28] Another thing that plays into his precision as well is that he actually dislikes slang. In one of the public dreams that is out there in the game, he actually gets very very angry when a user uses slang at him - you know, like, oh, you're so chill or chill out - and The-Measure-Cuts just hates it. Says he was going to vomit in his mouth, because he's a dramatic person.

 archer [00:16:55] I don't know why you would say that. Like, disgusting. Absolutely disgusting.

 archer [00:17:00] So, he is not a fan of slang and prefers words that are more precise that do not have double meanings. With TMC's interactions with the other gods, he actually used to be quite close with Speak-as-One, and has confirmed that he has worked with Speak-as-One to create the experiment currently going on in Red Acre. This experiment.. we still don't have a lot of information on it, but after The-Measure-Cuts help set everything up, Speak-as-One then ousted them from Red Acre, and now he's no longer allowed around.

 archer [00:17:37] With his relationship with Thee-I-Dare, that's also another point of interest. Thee-I-Dare, when he was first shattered, a lot of the gods stood by, and The-Measure-Cuts was one of them. From what Thee-I-Dare had said to me once in a encounter, and some current dreams that have been distributed out to various players, it seems to be that the The-Measure-Cuts actually regrets this.

 archer [00:18:03] The-Measure-Cuts is also one of the only gods that has not had an in-person voice encounter with the player. The-Measure-Cuts is also one of the only gods to voice contempt for the fact that he has to rely on children as hosts, especially in this upcoming war. He is mentioned in the Treme in a dream, asking if the world war has happened in this universe. He said that that is not the war that we should be worrying about.

astro [00:18:35] In-Her-Teeth is also similarly taking a somewhat scientific approach, but not to the same things that The-Measure-Cuts is studying.

 astro [00:18:44] In-Her-Teeth wants to know more about death and specifically wants to know if voices can die. Her primary domain is death and power. When you interact with the alter, the quote given for her says:.

 astro [00:18:57] It knows how I'm going to die. Says it won't be scary or painful if I go with her from A. Mocal.

 astro [00:19:03] In past dreams, she offered the kids power in exchange for their loyalty to her. She's also instructed players to tie up and leave stalkers to her, and is known for being grim and morbidly curious.

 astro [00:19:16] Somewhat recently in the game, players have been instructed to find and retrieve dead doves that have been left around the map bloodied and disfigured with missing heads. In-Her-Teeth has confirmed that doves specifically are sacred to her, as is the color white in other parts of the world, and has said that this action -  this bloodying of the doves and leaving them around quite obviously to be found -  is an insult against her, and that whoever did it may also be declaring war on another Daimon.

 astro [00:19:44] White symbolizes death and mourning in China, India, Korea, and the Middle East, among others. And so it can be inferred this is probably what she means. She shares hosts with Laugh-Last, and Laugh-Last says that they're married.

 astro [00:19:59] In-Her-Teeth doesn't seem to agree.

 lavanya [00:20:03] What's a good marriage without murder threats?

 xaviul [00:20:05] And gaslighting! You can't forget the gaslighting.

 lavanya [00:20:07] [laughter].

 xaviul [00:20:12] Well, that's all a bit grim, and also a bit nerdy. So let's go on to somebody who's actually a little bit fun for once.

 lavanya [00:20:20] Speak-as-One?

 archer [00:20:21] Boo!

xaviul [00:20:21] Laugh-Last. We're not all about that communal hive mind right now. Laugh-Last, whose main themes are humor, a little bit of betrayal, maybe, and also kind of memes. When he first started off earlier on, he has a lot more sinister. He really only believes that it's funny if somebody else gets hurt in a joke, which I think we can all agree with, right?

 archer [00:20:53] Yes, actually!

 lavanya [00:20:53] Absolutely.

 xaviul [00:20:53] That's the spirit. He's kind of falls a little bit into more base humor, like tight sniffing and asses, but I like to believe that, deep down inside, he's still that same horrible dude that's willing to drop a piano on you, just so he can laugh at the blood splatter.

 lavanya [00:21:14] Let me interrupt briefly to say a friendly reminder that CHORUS offers up free therapy services, 24/7, over the phone at your friendly local Old Growth location of choice.

 xaviul [00:21:26] He was once described as being a comic relief for the voices by Thee-I-Dare. But you know, there's only so much you can take of being a laughing stock before you need to get a few laughs off yourself. He has claimed that In-Her-Teeth is his wife. In-Her-Teeth, you know, seems to have a little bit of problem with that, and make some untoward claims that Laugh-Last might have led her astray in her beliefs, in her domains, and all that. But I like to believe that she's just confused.

 xaviul [00:21:58] Who really wants to listen to her, anyway?

 xaviul [00:22:01] And while we're on the topic of untoward comments towards Laugh-Last.. Thee-I-Dare claims that, once upon a time, Laugh-Last betrayed him and might have maybe led to the shattering. Laugh-Last claims that all he really did was stick out a leg back. Thee-I-Dare was a holier than thou little Speak-as-One!lite, gallivanting around to play rebel. I mean, there's probably still some bitter feelings there, but it's probably mutual.

 lavanya [00:22:31] It's a shame that we'll never speak to Laugh-Last to find out.

 xaviul [00:22:35] Wow! He's just very busy right now, and he will get to me in his own time, but I'm sure, he's like, I'm number one on the list.

archer [00:22:50] Shall I tell you about which list you're on?

 xaviul [00:22:53] The sacrifice list?

 archer [00:22:56] Yes! To Murder God!

 xaviul [00:22:57] Do we really have to give him a section?

 archer [00:23:01] Yes we do. I'm sorry.  There's just no -.

 xaviul [00:23:05] He's not at the table. It's really like he's not a Daimon at all.

 archer [00:23:08] Listen, listen, listen. You're gonna get eaten.

 lavanya [00:23:14] We're feeding every mouth at the table, so they don't eat us.

 xaviul [00:23:18] Yeah, but he's like the dog underneath the table begging for scraps.

 archer [00:23:23] Wow!

 lavanya [00:23:23] Do you hate animals?

 archer [00:23:23] So, about a list that I think you're on here, let's talk about Murdergod -

 archer [00:23:30] Or as he is most likely known as, is the eighth God. He's a god dedicated to ambition, blood sport, strength, and competition.

 xaviul [00:23:40] Rabies!

 archer [00:23:40] No, not rabies!

 archer [00:23:43] But guess what list you're always at the top of, Xaviul? The leader board, and stalkers, and stalkers caught! And guess what the eighth guy really likes? He likes strength, he likes ambition, he likes competition. The murder God has a huge interest in people who show ambition, strength, andcompetition.

 archer [00:24:05] He's only very recently revealed himself to us in the form of a couple of god talks with some select players. However, it turns out through the discovery of some people transcribing old dreams is that he has been around for much longer.

 archer [00:24:22] He just hasn't spoken up this entire time, so he has definitely been lurking there, watching us, keeping an eye on the things that we have been doing.

 archer [00:24:31] When he has talked to players, he has talked about, like, hunting, and hunting them, and their inner strength. In some of his dreams, he's also talked about eating the quick, the special, and the strong. So, he wants to find people who he thinks are good or perhaps even the best of the best. And then he wants to consume them and make them part of himself.

 archer [00:24:58] This is also confirmed by Speak-as-One and Thee-I-Dare in some of their talks they've had with players. Speak-as-One himself has told me in an encounter that the Eigth God considers himself a gourmet.

 xaviul [00:25:14] So he really puts the gore in gourmet. Huh? Am I right?

 archer [00:25:19] No, you're not right. Get out.

 archer [00:25:20] Through other talks with other players, gods have mentioned that the Eighth God is very similar to Speak-as-One in the fact that he does not care about the individual. He only cares about the collective, or what you can do for him. He wants the strongest hosts so he can consume them. He does not care who it is, so long as you are the strongest one.

 archer [00:25:45] The God also likes to fuel competition, because he does not want to eat the weakest. He only wants to eat the strongest!

 archer [00:25:55] Speaking more on his food tastes, the 8th God does not actually think that Speak-as-One or Thee-I-Dare are good enough to eat. This was stated to a player from Thee-I-Dare, during an encounter where they asked Thee-I-Dare about the gods relationship with Speak-as-One. Thee-I-Dare then proceeded to say that the 8th God is not interested in eating Speak-as-One, simply because he does not think that they are strong enough for him to even bother hunting.

 archer [00:26:30] The last aspect to talk about the 8th God - that is also incredibly interesting in regards to the other voices! - is that, not only does he hunt and consume other voices, he actually takes their names from them as trophies. We do not actually know his real name at this point! We don't even know what name he's currently going by. All we know is that he takes names, and he refuses to share his own during an encounter a voiced encounter with players. He actually refused to identify himself to them, and spent most the mission being called the The-Measure-Cuts, and he never quite corrected them. So, whatever he's doing, he likes steal identities. True scam artist?

 xaviul [00:27:17] His true name is Ow-the-Edge.

 lavanya [00:27:21] And let me just cut in here, dear listeners, and let you know that the 8th God's name is not Ow-the-Edge, and that is actually just filthy lies once more being spread by the False Gods followers. When in doubt about the real gods names, just keep in mind:.

lavanya [00:27:39] They're always pronounced Speak-as-One.

 lavanya [00:27:46] So, with that in mind, let's discuss the other daimons that appear in the game!

 lavanya [00:27:51] Or appear in mentions, not actual physical form. Even though there's only seven daimons on the sacrifice board, there's infinitely more out there. Some are named, but the majority of them are not, such as the unknown Daimons who helped Thee-I-Dare create spoken language, all the way back in the days when humans were still in caves and painting pictures on the walls.

 lavanya [00:28:10] Along with there being other daimons out there, it's interesting to note that the way that daimons work is that they are defined by their names.  So whenever their names change, or their followers start changing their views of the Daimons, the Daimons change: sometimes, to the point that they just become an entirely new person.

 lavanya [00:28:29] Speak-as-One has mentioned in a talk that there are numerous versions of them that exists outside of Red Acre, and Red Acre is one of the only places that is free of these bootleg copies. Thee-I-Dare mentioned the same thing roughly in a different talk. With Speak-as-One, they referred to bootlegs and inferior copies and knockoffs that just didn't make sense. But Thee-I-Dare was more explicit. He said that not only are there other versions of him running around outside of Red Acre, but there are other versions that are still explicitly him..

 lavanya [00:29:03] Older versions.

 archer [00:29:04] Well, speaking of the unknown god, it was actually confirmed with Thee-I-Dare to me in a chat last night that he created the Word with an older version of himself - a previous name that splintered off from him.

 lavanya [00:29:20] In the end, it gets even more interesting, because not only is he the only god who's been noted to interact with an older version of himself, but he is also - along with Speak-as-One - one of the only gods known to have fragmented himself.

 lavanya [00:29:36] Thee-I-Dare is fragmented both in the sense that his name was torn to shreds and he was nearly destroyed in the process, but he was also fragmented in the sense that every child who speaks to Thee-I-Dare is not speaking to one overwhelming entity in the way that you are with Speak-as-One. Instead, you're speaking to an individual facet of Thee-I-Dare. When you die, if you become a fragment, that specific instance of Thee-I-Dare is the one who holds all of the memories of your interactions and keeps track of what you do when you die. That version of Thee-I-Dare is embedded into the fray and then it can be reabsorbed into the whole.

 astro [00:30:16] There is one more mysterious other Daimons to talk about, which is for lack of a better name, is Chase-the-Sun.

 astro [00:30:21] Thee-I-Dare has confirmed briefly in a god encounter that the gesture "Chase the Sun" is the name of an old god, a old missing god, a fallen sibling. He says that,  although he doesn't know where Chase the Sun went, we do know that names have power.. and the fact that we have this daimons name may be something worth looking at in the future.

 astro [00:30:45] Throughout this episode, we've talked about god encounters - which, if you're not familiar, is an instance where a God will come into your game and talk to you. You can tell when this is happening, because a giant closing eye will appear on your screen.

 astro [00:31:02] It is very hard to miss, but that's intentional. It's so that you don't miss it when you see this giant closing eye. Close your eyes, follow the prompting, and you will see words on your screen from the Daimons. The Daimons will talk to you, and you can talk back on voice chat, or in text chat.

 lavanya [00:31:19] So! God encounters are very exciting, and players are usually pretty delighted when they get them.

 lavanya [00:31:25] There are a couple of rules of etiquette that you should keep in mind when you're having a god encounter, just to make sure that everyone in your game is still having fun.

 lavanya [00:31:33] If you're unsure who you're talking to, first of all, you can always ask Thee-I-Dare and SAO both speak in all caps. Others Daimons may or may not, because we haven't seen them in text before. If you're speaking to a voice god, then the mission objective will change to "Everything is Fine". So, if you think that somebody may be messing with you with a voice modifier, anything else.. check the mission objective in the corner. People can change their voices. They can't change that.

 lavanya [00:32:02] The second thing to keep in mind with god encounters is to make sure that you're not speaking over other players! If the god shows interest in talking to other people or other people have questions, go ahead and ask them if they can switch over to other players. And keep in mind, if you're in a game where someone has gotten an encounter, and they don't speak to you..

 lavanya [00:32:19] Remember: there is only one god! There's usually several players. They may not get a chance to get to everyone, but eventually, you will have your own chance.

 lavanya [00:32:27] A third thing to keep in mind is, if you are an experienced player playing with a new player, go ahead and help them understand what's happening. If everyone is freaking out around them, and they don't understand the lore, and they don't know what's going on - they may end up more frustrated than they do enjoying the experience.

 lavanya [00:32:45] The gods will not begrudge you for taking a sidebar to explain something that they said, or to explain to a new player what, exactly, is going on. The gods are played by the developers, and they want people to enjoy their game. So it's always nice if we can do our best to help with that experience!

 lavanya [00:33:00] The fourth thing - and the final thing - which is not actually related to etiquette, but it's just a good thing to know. Be careful about saying names! Names have powers and if you say a Daimons name, it invokes them. Some voices really do not like that. Speak-as-One will not appreciate it if you say Thee-I-Dare in front of him, and Thee-I-Dare will not appreciate if you say Speak-as-One.

 lavanya [00:33:24] For the best result, you should use euphemisms where possible, or just go ahead and say the letters instead of the full names. But, of course, if you want to certify it, you go ahead and say the full names.

 lavanya [00:33:34] See what happens.

 [00:33:43] The Blackout Club is made by Question Games. Our advertising director is Bellamy. Our transcript is by Lavanya. Audio editing is by me, Astro. Archer was our guest host. Xaviul is the fact that we drive on parkways and park on driveways.

#the dreaming prophet #the blackout club

[alicedoessurveys]

100 Questions

1. What was on your mind mostly today? back pain

2. If someone looked on your bed, what would they find? pile of clothes that need to be put away, a big ass teddy and a load of cushions

3. What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? nothing. I can't move atm cause of my back injury

4. Are you nice to everyone? I try to be

5. Is it possible to be single and happy? yes

6. Is it easy for people to make you cry? too easy

7. Did you sleep alone last night? yup

8. Do you play with dead bugs? ew no wtf

9. Honestly, are you dating two people? im not even dating one person

10. Do you think things will change in the next 3 months? I hope so 

11. Have you ever slept in the same bed with someone other than family?   yes

12. Do you want to see somebody right now? no I want to go to sleep

13. What if you had a baby with the person you like? no thanks

14. Are you happy? not right now nope

15. Have you ever tripped in public? yes

16. Is there anyone who doesn’t like you? idk probably, you can't be liked by everyone

17. Have you ever sat in the back of a police car? nope

18. Are you stubborn? can be yes

19. Do you tend to hold a grudge? a little bit

20. What’s a fact about the last person that texted you?   he's my dad.. first fact I thought of was that he was on a tv show with Terry Wogan about 8 years ago

21. Has anyone called you perfect before? yes, they lied

22. Where is the biggest scar on your body? my stomach

23. Have you ever been told you were amazing? yes, again they lied

24. Would you date someone who was addicted to drugs? probably not no

25. Are you trying to avoid liking somebody at the moment? yes

26. Do you trust all your friends? not 100% 27. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? can't think of anything 

28. What pissed you off today? I found a moth in my cereal

29. What was the last thing you cried about? pain

30. Who was the last girl you talked to? mom

31. Do you know anyone who drinks a lot? not really no

32. Who sits next to you in English? im not in school anymore thank god, so n/a

33. Ever talked to someone who was drunk? yes. I dont drink and when I'm at a party I tend to attract the drunk people. last party I went to I had a very drunk middle aged woman crying on my shoulder and another drunk guy singing in my face and trying to pull me into a photo booth. I still have no idea who these people are. 

34. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? nope. I haven't really listened to any music today

35. How late did you stay up last night and why? went to bed about half 10, which is early for me. was in so much pain I just wanted to go to sleep asap

36. Do you know how to properly use grammar in a sentence?   mostly yeah 37. Are your parents very protective of you? yes, and Im 22 next month. I dont think they’ll ever stop being protective 

38. Will you be in a relationship in the next couple months? probably not no

39. How many drugs are in your system?   Prescription drugs, two; paroxetine and levothyroxine

40. The person who hurt you the most calls and needs you, do you go? I can't think of anyone who has really hurt me that much 

41. Is it easy to pretend everything’s okay for you? yes I do it every day 

42. Are you afraid of losing the last person you talked to on the phone? it was just some random lady from Wilko store so not really no 

43. Do you think you are a good person? I try 

44. What do you want right this second? to not be in pain

45. Do you think it makes him weak if a guy cries? not at all

46. Have you ever cried cause you were so mad? yes. its an involuntary reaction when I get angry, which is super annoying 

47. Could you last in a relationship for over a year?   I hope so 

48. Who were you with on your birthday? mom, dad, sis and sis’ boyf 49. Have you ever crawled through a window? yes

50. First person to talk to you in 2014? how the fuck am I supposed to remember that, it was 3 years ago

51. Do you miss your past? I miss how healthy I was and the way I looked, but I do not miss where I was 

52. It’s 4 in the morning, your phone rings, who is it? probably a drunk rhys

53. Do you have anything interesting planned for the next week? yes! I'm going to The Vamps concert at the end of this week and my sis got us passes to the beauty show for the beginning of next week

54. Who was the last person to text you? Do you know when that person’s birthday is? my dad, 18th January

55. What were you doing 4 hours ago? sitting on the same sofa I'm on now

56. Is there a certain song that you can’t stop listening to atm? Slow Hands

57. Tell me 3 things that your friends don’t know about you. I can't say

58. What is something that people often give to you as a gift? anything Disney related

59. Do you tend to hold on to a lot of stuff you don’t need, just because it has sentimental value? yes, I hoard things 

60. What is something that reminds you of your ex? n/a

61. Has the last person you kissed ever cried in your arms? no

62. Which would you prefer to receive as a gift - flowers or chocolate? chocolate

63. When did you last take a shower/bath? Do you wash your hair every time? not gonna lie, I only shower like once a week (sometimes longer if I'm extra lazy) but I always make sure that I dont smell bad. 

64. Would you prefer to be somewhere else right now? bed

65. Do any of your followers on Tumblr have your phone number? yes, but they're friends who I know in person 

66. Will you be going out tonight, or staying in? staying in

67. How many times have you been in love? never 

68. If you were heartbroken, who would help you pick up the pieces? mom or sis

69. Apparently, it’s very common to crave chocolate around the ‘time of the month’; do you ever get that craving? hell yeah! I get chocolate cravings every freakin day, not just when its ‘time of th month’

70. How would you feel about dating someone who had a reputation for being a player in the past? Do you think that players will ALWAYS be players, or is it possible that they can change? id give them a chance, but they would have to prove to me that they changed 

71. Did you sleep well last night? no

72. Is your bedroom big enough for you? yes. I would like a bigger room for decor purposes but I dont need more space been as theres only me in there 

72. Are you looking forward to seeing someone soon? yah, my cousin on Friday who I havent seen in months 

73. Ever had a one-night stand? no

74. Is anyone flirting with you? I wouldn't know haha I'm oblivious 

75. Have you ever felt pressure to do anything you didn’t want to, like smoking, drinking, or losing your virginity, before you were ready for it? If so, how did you deal with that? my friends do try to pressure me into drinking, but I'm strong willed with my choice not to. I'm stubborn with things like that 

76. Do you consider yourself to be an intelligent person? Why/why not? in some ways yeah, I can't really explain it. I'm not super clever, but I know a lot of practical skills and I do know random facts that shock my sis quite a lot 

77. Who would you most like to be stuck in a lift with? Eddie Redmayne

78. Is there anyone you’d HATE to be stuck in a lift with? SO many people

79. When did you last talk to the person you love/like? What did you talk about? there isn't anyone I really like atm 

80. Have you ever seen your father cry? only a handful of times. first time was when we lost my unborn baby brother. Other times have been when our dogs have died. Also he cries every time he watches the scene in ‘The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe’ where Alsan is killed. 

81. How would your parents react if you got pregnant? mom would be thrilled. I dont know how dad would react.

82. Do you/did you keep to your school’s uniform/dress code? I did, I was terrified of getting in trouble 

83. If the last person you kissed said you were the only one they wanted, would you believe them? no. I know how easy he finds cheating so I wouldn't trust him

84. What was the highlight of your summer? tbh I can't remember last summer right now, Im too tired

85. The last time you threw up, was it because you were hungover? nope

86. Have you ever seen the film ‘Wake Wood’? What did you think of it? never heard of it 

87. Are you confused about anything atm? Is there anything bothering you? Or, is everything good? a lot of things bothering me atm

88. If you say ‘I’ve had enough’ or ‘I’m done’, do you always mean it? I do

89. Who was the last person that invited you to their house? my sis

90. Have your parents ever told you about any alternative names they considered for you, or the name they would have chosen, if you’d turned out to be a boy? yeah, my dad wanted to call me Sarah, but mom said no cause thats what his ex girlfriend was called. they also called about the name ‘fearne’

91. Are you friends with any of your exes? n/a

92. Have you ever had to make an emergency phone call? no

93. If you’re in a relationship, how is it going? If you’re single, are you looking for someone? single. I dont believe in actively looking for someone, I believe in fate and that God will bring the right person along at the right time.. (I just wish he’d hurry it up a bit haha)

94. What language do you like the sound of? italian

95. Think about the last guy, outside of family, that you had a conversation with. Do you find him sexy? ew no

96. What do you think is an assumption that someone could make about you, just by looking at your Tumblr? Would this assumption be correct? that Im obsessed with newt Scamander... and they wouldn't be wrong ;)

97. What’s the most attractive physical feature of the person you love/like? no one I like atm, but I find certain eyes and mouths attractive 

98. Do you consider yourself to be a strong person? Why/why not? nope. I'm just not. 

99. Tell me about a special moment you’ve had with the person you love/like. again, n/a right now 

100. What are you doing tomorrow? not much, I can't move much atm with my injury 

#survey #long

[fire-fira]

If You Think My Truth Is A Lie, You Can Get Bent

This wonderful fic was born from a request I couldn’t turn down for a fic with Bart being trans. It took me a few days, but I’m proud of the result and I hope this hits the spot for the anon who requested this fic. I got you fam, and your gender is valid; anybody tries to invalidate anyone for being trans or non-binary and I’ll go full-on NB-battle-ax on them.

I hope everyone enjoys this fic and has as much fun with it as I had writing it. n.n

Oh yeah, and a couple minor warnings for mentioned transphobia and Bart’s justified swearing.

EDIT: Credit for the ‘bug fucker’ insult goes to @disregardcanon. Thanks a ton for thinking it up! I just had to use it. n.n

If You Think My Truth Is A Lie, You Can Get Bent (Ao3 version)

“Kid Flash. B-2-3.”

Before the computer had even finished announcing his arrival Bart was half-way across the zeta-tube chamber and on his way to storm through the passage between the living room area and kitchen of their current base and down the hall straight into his room. He was going far more slowly than he would have normally, closer to the rapid furious stalking of non-speedsters, but it was more out of an effort to not throw everything into disarray in his wake than out of any actual restraint. As soon as he was in his room (and damned if he wasn’t frustrated about not being able to slam the door) he snatched his pillow from his bed, covered his face with it, and screamed.

There were a lot of things that frustrated him about the past… this time… whatever, but for the most part he was of the opinion that it (justifiably) was better than his original time. However, one thing he had run into on a routine basis that never failed to make him want to tear his hair out was the complete and utter bullshit he got over being trans. In his original time it hadn’t even been that big a deal! ‘Oh, you’re a guy? Okay. No problem. Just try to avoid Reach attention. None of this “you don’t know what you’re getting into” or “it’s just a phase” or “you’re just confused” bullcrap!’ He threw the pillow across the room with another frustrated scream as he yelled, “That egotistical bug-fucker!”

Bart hadn’t been this pissed off in a long time; in fact, the last time he’d been this upset was after the Reach had been booted off of Earth and he’d realized that his supply of testosterone was running out. It had been hard enough to get his supply in his original time— especially considering the fact that he required much more than the average person thanks to his heightened metabolism. It had been a miracle that the other members of the resistance had felt that preventing him from developing in a way that felt wrong to him had been enough of a priority that they’d taken the risk to get and continuously create his supply in first place. When he’d realized that his supply had been about to run out (though he’d been trying to stretch how long it would last) and that he had been close to facing the onset of a female puberty, he’d flown into a panic. (And yeah, he knew that technically his body was a male body by virtue of the fact that he was a guy, but it didn’t change the fact that the idea of ever going through a period made him feel like he wanted to claw his way out of his own skin.) That brief period of half-doses had already had its effect and he was fortunate that he was still mostly flat-chested— certainly enough so that almost no one ever noticed that he wasn’t entirely flat-chested— but whether the small size was due to the fact that he’d still had half-doses of testosterone or because he was a speedster he wasn’t entirely sure. Honestly he didn’t really care.

Outing himself to the others had been weird (certainly a hell of a lot more awkward than he’d expected) but for the most part they’d gotten past it and just rolled with it. The League doctors had been more than willing to re-establish his supply and be his primary doctors on that count; it was far easier for them to give him the amount he needed outside of any official medical framework than for him to have to contend with insurance, counseling (which why it was needed made no damned sense to him), and likely not being able to afford as much as he needed. He didn’t even want to think about the run-around he probably would have had to deal with thanks to being meta and all the special medical requirements that entailed.

But now Bart had run into a situation the League doctors couldn’t help him with (they had expressed concerns that they weren’t equipped or knowledgeable enough to do what he wanted correctly), so with Barry and Iris’s help— and the promise of funding from Bruce to help cover it all— Bart had to go through official means. He wanted bottom surgery, and as far as he was concerned the sooner he could get it done, the better. He was 17 (going on 18), he knew exactly who he was and what he wanted, and damn it all he wanted to be completely comfortable with Jaime and Khaji Da! Bart was getting sick and tired of accidental moments of contact that made him flinch on reflex, though Jaime and Khaji Da both were absolutely fantastic about avoiding areas he didn’t like having touched. Honestly there were times where he just wanted to not care, where he just wanted to jump them and screw them senseless (or be screwed senseless by them as the case might be). He wanted to be able to curl up with them, make out with them, and be able to have them practically climbing the walls without having to stop and think about the ways his own body felt wrong to him. He wanted to be able feel like his body was right and that he could press close to Jaime and Khaji Da without constantly being reminded of what he physically lacked or had that he didn’t want. He just fucking wanted to be him without anyone telling him that he was something he wasn’t just because his body didn’t match up with their stupid understanding of what it ‘should be’ for him to be a ‘real man.’ And okay, yeah, he did want the ‘right’ anatomy for the sake of feeling like himself and being able to make love to his partners in a way that felt right. He had his priorities! ‘And hot alien-bug-sex without feeling dysphoric as hell is one of them,’ he thought bitterly.

But that doctor… that stupid bug-fucking, patronizing, piece-of-shit doctor had the gall to think that Bart was ‘confused.’ Bart picked up his alarm clock and threw it across the room, causing it to smash into pieces against the wall.

He’d known that going through official means was going to be more obnoxious and take longer than he’d prefer, but he had thought he’d been prepared for it. He had thought that he was more than ready to jump through any stupid hoops he needed to in order to get what he needed done. He hadn’t been prepared for how unbelievably condescending or transphobic some people could be. The idea that someone would ever look him in the eye and say the words, “What you’re asking for is irreversible and you’re still fairly young. It’s not the sort of choice you should make on a whim. And what if you decide you want to have children when you’re older?” had never even crossed his mind. The idea that anyone would ever suggest or dare to presume that he would ever want to be pregnant had been so far off his radar that he’d been struck completely speechless. As if that hadn’t been enough, the piece-of-shit doctor had misinterpreted his silence and then had dared to pat his knee and say, “You’re a beautiful young lady. I’m sure if you take the time to sort through some things you’ll understand that you shouldn’t have to feel like you need to do this to yourself.”

A lamp sailed across the room this time and collided with his mirror, which shattered on impact. Bart couldn’t remember precisely what he’d said to the doctor in his somewhat extensive tirade, but he knew there had been a rather blatant “Fuck you!” in there somewhere along with “egotistical Reach-fucking piece of shit” and a few other choice invectives before he’d stormed out. Bart was about ready to throw something else (although what, he had no idea) when he heard a quiet knock on the door.

“Bart?” Jaime called, “Hermoso, are you okay?”

Bart sagged. On one hand he didn’t want Jaime or Khaji Da seeing the fact that he’d been in the middle of destroying his room, but on the other hand he wanted to see them. One thing he absolutely adored about both of them was that neither of them had ever doubted that he knew himself; they had never seen him as anything but the guy he was, and even when he came out to them they had just accepted it and hadn’t let it impact how they saw him in the slightest. “Door’s not locked,” he finally mumbled as he flopped onto his bed.

Jaime cautiously tapped the controls to open the door and froze for a moment when he saw the wreck on one side of Bart’s room. He was in one of his usual hoodies and jeans, so clearly he’d been on base for a while rather than out running around preventing disasters— though considering the state of Bart’s room, he might as well have been walking into one. He stepped into the room and tapped the controls to close the door before making his way over to sit next to Bart. Side-eyeing the broken mirror, he said, “Was it the appointment?”

Bart gave an aggravated sigh as he raked a hand through his hair and said, “Yeah.”

“That bad?”

“That bad,” the speedster agreed.

They were silent for a moment or two as Jaime scooted closer and slid an arm around Bart’s shoulders. Finally Jaime asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Bart snorted, but let his head fall to Jaime’s shoulder. “Are you sure the two of you want to listen to my ranting?”

There was a subtle shift in physical tension, a clear indicator that Khaji Da had switched control with Jaime, and then Khaji Da said with that beautiful voice of his, full of calm poise, “We are both willing to listen to everything you have to say. If we were not used to listening to your rants by now, I doubt we would be so involved.”

Bart glanced up to meet Khaji Da’s warm golden gaze and couldn’t help the slight smile that was trying to creep onto his face. “You’re being a tease,” he playfully accused.

“Negative. I am being honest,” Khaji Da said with a smirk in a blatant tease.

“You’re both sure you want to listen to my whining?”

One of their golden eyes faded back to Jaime’s brown before the two of them deliberately said in their odd dual-voice, “We would never call that whining nuestro corazón. We love you. If it helps to get it out, we want to listen.”

“…I hope you two realize how unbelievably hot it is when you do that.” Bart could never get enough of hearing those two separate voices with their separate accents at once. It was the sort of thing that drove him to distraction with how incredibly sexy he thought it was.

They rolled their eyes in fond exasperation and said, “You’re dodging.”

Bart made a face, but didn’t disagree. “I hate his face.”

They blinked and then Jaime asked in a somewhat confused tone, “Who?”

“The doctor I had to deal with. Doctor ‘Rothram’— more like Doctor ‘Reach-fucking-piece-of-shit’,” Bart said, dropping into a sneer as he said the doctor’s name.

Jaime’s eyebrows shot up. “Do I even want to know what he said?”

It was like the flood-gates opened; Bart’s anger boiled over at recalling the encounter and all of it just came pouring out. “The stupid bastard wouldn’t refer to me by name as soon as he found out I was trans and what I wanted, while I was explaining myself he was giving me this condescending ‘oh you poor thing’ look the entire fucking time, and then when I stopped talking he did this whole damned roundabout reasoning bullshit to try to ‘talk me down’ from doing something ‘irreversible’ because that crusty over-glorified garbage-pile of a doctor thought that I’m motivated by ‘self-hate’ and that all I ‘needed’ was some therapy so that I would ‘stop hating myself’ and ‘accept’ that there’s ‘nothing wrong with being a girl’ and that if I just thought things through that I’d ‘realize’ that I’m a ‘beautiful young lady’ and I’d eventually ‘find a man who would make me happy’ and I just— I want to fucking wreck his FACE!” If Jaime and Khaji Da hadn’t been there Bart would have gone right back to throwing things. As it was, he had bounced to his feet and angrily paced back and forth while he was ranting. “I mean, I’ve dealt with a lot of shit— a lot of shit— but that asshole… If I was ever going to turn into a fucking supervillain it’d be his fault! Him and his condescending transphobic bullshit would be at fault for making me snap and turn into some sort of maniac hell-bent on killing off every last transphobic pile of Reach-sucking garbage! And I’d be laughing about it! LAUGHING!”

Jaime and Khaji Da watched him pace back and forth, just listening until he finally came to a stop with an aggravated huff. After a few moments of silence (broken only by Bart’s agitated breathing), Khaji Da shifted more solidly into control and arched an eyebrow. “Bart Allen,” he said in an even tone.

Bart’s eyes darted to them. “Yeah?”

A faint smirk tugged at Khaji Da’s lips before he calmly said, “Recommendation: allow me to resolve the situation.”

Ohhhh Bart had a good feeling about this, but he had to be sure. With a smile threatening to creep onto his face he asked, “What do you have in mind?”

Khaji Da’s smirk turned downright wicked. “Recommended tactic: annihilation. Drawn out. With fire.”

Jaime snapped into control with a mildly horrified look and protested, “We are not going to kill that doctor!”

Just as quickly Khaji Da slipped forward again and amended, “Maiming then. He does not need his legs to live.”

Bart couldn’t help it, he immediately started laughing. He was almost crying with laughter as he dropped to sit on the bed next to them again and said, “Oh my god I love you both.”

“We are not assaulting that doctor, no matter how satisfying it would be,” Jaime insisted with fond exasperation.

“Not even a little?” Bart snickered.

“Mis corazones, I love you both, but I’d rather not end up in jail needlessly. Okay?”

“…Burning in effigy then,” Khaji Da suggested a moment later, provoking another fit of laughter from Bart.

“Oh my god! Khaji Da! You’re just-” Bart couldn’t keep a straight face.

Jaime sighed, a long-suffering sound that did nothing to hide his affection for both of them. “Okay, fine. We can do that— but only if it’s out in the desert or somewhere where we won’t have to worry about things catching fire!”

Bart leaned up to press a quick kiss to Jaime’s lips before he grinned. “I love you, and thank you for putting up with us. Though… Can we use voodoo? Do you think Zatanna would help?”

“That is promising…,” Khaji Da said thoughtfully.

A moment later Jaime facepalmed. “We are not doing that. If I had a week I couldn’t explain all the reasons that would be a bad idea.”

Bart gave a mock-pout and asked, “No super-villain-ing? Not even a little?”

Jaime sighed and let his hand drop. “As much as the two of you would have fun with it, we really shouldn’t.” He paused for a second, his eyes dropping away from Bart’s as Khaji Da silently conferred with him, and then rolled his eyes to cover for the fact that he obviously was tempted to laugh. “Okay, maybe— and this is a big maybe— maybe if we have to save him at some point if something comes up we can make sure something happens to his car, like a busted light or something. But that’s it. No más. Okay?”

Bart gave an over-dramatic put upon sigh. “O-kayyyy…” Despite his joking complaint, he scooted closer to Jaime and Khaji Da and slid an arm around their waist while resting his cheek against their shoulder.

Jaime hugged Bart and kissed his temple, earning a pleasant hum in response. They comfortably sat in silence, just letting the seconds and minutes slip by.

For Bart it was nice to just sit and be for a while, to not have to think about the issues he had with his body, that lousy doctor, or the fact that his room was a wreck with glass from the lamp and mirror and the plastic and metal parts from his alarm clock strewn across the floor. It was nice to just be with Jaime and Khaji Da for a while, and to know that they loved him as him and even if nothing changed they always would. Yeah it wasn’t perfect, but it helped.

And then, out of nowhere, Khaji Da nudged his way into control and gave a thoughtful hum. Bart looked up in response, and at his questioning look the scarab said, “Bart Allen… there may be a way around having to deal with inept individuals for what you require.”

Bart blinked and sat a bit more upright. “What do you mean?”

Khaji Da hesitated for a moment before saying, “Human technology is… inferior to my capabilities; human medical technology can not match the quality of which I am capable.”

Bart’s eyes went wide. “Waitasecond, are you saying…?”

Khaji Da gently took hold of one of Bart’s hands, his thumb moving in soothing circles against Bart’s hand. He didn’t immediately answer, taking the time to consider how to convey what he wanted to say, but when he did it was in a tone that made it clear that he knew exactly how much weight his words would carry for Bart. “I monitor the body of Jaime Reyes and perform maintenance on a routine basis. Hormone regulation and production are well within my capabilities. Samples would be required, but it is feasible to produce a supply matched to your body’s own substance.”

Bart felt as if all the air had been sucked out of the room, but it was a feeling that left him giddy. “A-are you saying you can create my supply of testosterone? Based off of what I have in my body?”

“Affirmative.”

“That’s… Oh my god… I… Khaji Da, this is-”

“There is more,” Khaji Da admitted.

“What-?”

“It is possible, if I connected into your bodily systems and examined them in depth, that I may be able to make the alterations to your physiology that you wish. And base those alterations on how your DNA would naturally have them, so there would be no chance of rejection.”

Bart could hear the blood rushing in his ears. This was- there was no way that- there was just- He forced himself to breathe. He knew there was no ‘magic fix’ and it was a fact that he had resigned himself to. This though… this was the closest to a ‘magic fix’ that there could possibly be, and it was being offered by Khaji Da. “Y-you mean I’d…?” he breathed, unable to complete the thought.

“Affirmative.”

A moment later Jaime once again surged into control, his eyes wide in alarm as he snapped his head to the side to look over his shoulder in Khaji Da’s direction. “We’re not performing surgery on Bart! I’m no surgeon!”

For a moment it looked to Bart like they were having an internal argument, but finally Jaime faded back enough for Khaji Da to be in partial control— a deliberate choice so that Bart could hear both sides of their commentary. “My capabilities are far beyond current human medical technology. It is feasible.”

A hint of Jaime’s concerned frown flickered across their face. “I don’t want to hurt Bart.”

For a moment their eyes darted to Bart, warm gold swirling through both before settling back to one golden and the other brown and dropping away again. “I will not allow any harm to come to the Bart Allen. Fact: I am better able to ensure that no harm will come to Bart than any human doctor. And I will not attempt any alterations if I am uncertain of the outcome.”

Jaime rolled their lower lip between their teeth nervously before looking at Bart again. “What do you think mi corazón? It’s your body, your choice.”

One beat. Two… Three… Bart surged forward, tackling them to the bed with what had to be the most intense kiss he had given them in the entire time they had been together. Honestly it almost rivaled the level of intensity that Khaji Da poured into his kisses. When he cut it off he was breathing heavily and so were they (he had no idea if he’d pulled that reaction from Jaime, Khaji Da, or both, but he was happy with it regardless). “You both are the best boyfriends ever.”

Khaji Da gave a small huff, as close to a laugh as he was likely to get, before he said in a slight tease, “Technically I am not male.”

Bart rolled his eyes. “You’re still wonderful. Stop trying to get out of that fact.”

“Mmm… Because I am unwilling to allow idiots who can not recognize a man when they see one to tamper with your physiology?” Khaji Da said with a deliberate smirk.

“Keep that up and I’m locking the door,” Bart said bluntly.

A slight frown from Jaime made its way through and he said, “Not with the broken glass and metal on the floor. I’ve heard enough nightmare stories from mi madre about people getting carried away in the moment and getting hurt because they weren’t paying attention to what was around them. And Bart, hermoso, cariño, mi amor, mi corazón— I love you, I do, but I do not want to be pulling glass from your butt.”

Bart gave a mock-pout and said, “Party pooper,” before stealing a quick kiss and then letting them up.

Jaime didn’t waste any time getting to his feet and grabbing Bart’s trashcan to start picking up the mess, knowing that Bart wasn’t far behind. “It’s good for you,” he teased as the armor crept down his arms to cover his hands before he got to work.

“It’s good for me to be deprived?” Bart said over-dramatically as he dumped the largest portion of his lamp in the trashcan.

“It’s good for you to not have to worry about getting a piece of glass jammed into your foot, speed-healing around it, and then having to deal with having your foot cut open to get it out, you goober,” Jaime retorted.

“I dunno,” Bart said, “Sounds like an excuse to ‘gentleman’ me to death.”

Jaime sighed. “You two are never going to let me live that down.”

“Nope!” Bart cheerfully agreed as he scooped up chunks of his destroyed alarm clock.

Jaime gave a huff, but there was no real heat or annoyance to it (despite the fact that he could feel the waves of amusement spilling over from Khaji Da in his mind). Rather than let his own amusement at Bart and Khaji Da’s antics slip through, he decided to shift the conversation back to a more serious point. “Khaji Da, mind explaining some of the technicalities for what you’re suggesting? That way all three of us know what we’re getting into?”

Bart perked up. “I’mgonnasecondthat. I mean, yeah, I’m totally into having you tweak things rather than stupid doctors, ’cause I know you’re gonna do it right, but like… are you gonna have to detach yourself from Jaime or something like that and then attach yourself to me? Because that’d be really weird and probably insanely involved— and oh GOD I don’t wanna think about open holes in Jaime’s back!”

Jaime made a somewhat disgusted face at that thought, which was swiftly followed by an amused snort from Khaji Da. “Negative,” the scarab replied in a thoroughly entertained tone. “Detaching myself from the Jaime Reyes is unnecessary-”

“-Thank god-,” Jaime interjected.

“-and it would take far too much time to do so,” Khaji Da continued. “It is far more feasible for me to collect samples and then begin formulating a plan for approach to alterations from there.”

“Huh,” Bart said thoughtfully. It made sense, but it definitely called to mind his earlier thought that there was no ‘magic fix.’ “Sooo… the whole ‘connecting into my body’ thing…?”

“It will be a necessity; both to monitor your physical status and to regulate pain. The most practical approach in my current understanding is a gradual one, likely over several weeks or perhaps a month or two depending on circumstances, in order to minimize the chances of physical damage or excess pain. Of course your healing factor is something I will have to examine and adapt to in order to be effective, so it may be that there will be instances in such alterations where I am connected into your nervous system much as I am with Jaime— although not to the same extent,” Khaji Da explained.

Bart blinked. “…So in other words, you’re saying this is probably going to hurt sometimes and you’re probably going to be wired into my brain.”

“Affirmative.”

“…You know, I’ve heard about the concept of a mind-fuck before, but this-”

“Bart,” Jaime blurted out, “That’s just vulgar.”

Bart shrugged and replied, “Hey, I think about these things. And honestly? Three-way mind-sex sounds pretty freaking hot and like a great distraction for the pain I’ll be in. I mean, if Khaji Da is going to be tapped into my brain, why not take advantage of it?” (He hadn’t actually thought about having mental sex until Jaime interrupted him, but sometimes it was too much fun to poke at him when he had the chance.)

An amused chitter erupted from Jaime’s spine as Jaime shook his head. “Both of you are going to land me in jail one day, I swear.”

“It’s not like we’d be having mind-sex in public!” Bart protested before thoughtfully adding, “Though is public sex really illegal if it’s all mental?”

“Khaji Da is not performing surgery on you in public. And there’s not going to be any ‘mind sex’ involved. Especially not in public!” Jaime insisted, desperately trying not to laugh.

“…It could be a useful distraction,” Khaji Da said in a tone that was entirely too innocent.

Jaime facepalmed, and despite his best efforts a few snickers escaped. “Estoy muerto. Mis corazones are going to kill me.”

Bart grinned. “It’ll be fine. And besides, at least I’m not so off-the-wall that I’d send nudes to Doctor-Jackass after it’s all done just to gloat.”

“Oh my GOD.” Jaime dissolved into a fit of laughter, swiftly fading back so that no one would be able to hear his uproarious cackling.

For a moment an amused silence stretched between Khaji Da and Bart as they picked up the remainder of the mess. They exchanged a look, and then Khaji Da said with a smirk, “We should tag his car.”

“With what? Spray-painted rainbow-glitter dicks?” Bart asked.

“Affirmative,” was the smug response.

And with that Bart flopped over onto the floor and curled into a ball, laughing himself senseless. No question about it, this had officially gone from being one of the worst days Bart had ever had, to one of the best.

#Bluepulse #Bluepulse OT3 #Bart Allen #Jaime Reyes #Khaji Da #trans boy Bart #tw transphobia mention #cursing #swearing #No Khaji Da you can't set that jerk on fire #my fiction #fic request

[beatconductor-blog]

01/07/2017

catboii

>You head over to B.C's place via the coords he gave you. You imagine he should be easy to find or he'll be waiting for you, because if you have to go looking for him you're gonna whine at him.

beatconductor > You still got the transportalizer located in a room at your little 'office' which is set up as a makeshift lounging area.  Not the most fancy,  but it should be comfy enough. And since you have a hard time gathering enough energy for work today, you're just resting on the couch and waiting for your guest.

catboii >Yep good he was easy to find (you can recognise his cute face from his selfies). You're not gonna have to complain at him after all. Mixed up in all your turbulent self loathing and hype for actually getting to see him finally is a thought. How much weird stuff has he seen from the depths of the multiverse so far (you're nothing much but at least you're cute). You make a show of being extra when you see him. Hop up off one paw, your glittery fairy-like wings keeping you hovering rather than pointlessly draining your psionics, and make sure to swish your tail when you float yourself to sit next to him. Normally even you would be a little- held back? Cautious? With someone who is technically a stranger, but you're bro-linked now. He has your vent and your porn blog and you have his... combined mess of a blog that's actually a little precious. And he offered to pet you when you were obviously not doing good and he's not doing good and you mostly wanna see if you can make him feel better somehow. Give him a distraction from whatever it is that's bothering him. Petting you is definitely a good distraction you are precious. "Hey." Yes, very eloquent.

((I didn't mean for this to be longish feel free to reply as short or whatever as you want im p informal it's all fun lmao))

beatconductor ((omg)) Well,  as much as you've read about timelines and alternates already,  it's still a little weird to see him in person. Especially since you're sort of close with the local Sollux and they -do- look similar. But C is also so... EXTRA. You can't help but snort at that entrance. "Sup." Yeah,  equally as eloquent. You too would usually be a little more cautious, but after all the virtual fistbumps and s ((whoops too early wait there's more))

beatconductor You too would usually be a little more cautious, but after the virtual fistbumps, exchange of porn, troubles, selfies (and most of all bonding over corpse pics), it feels like you already know each other well enough. But how do you start a conversation now. Or a petting session? Should you just ask him about his mood or what? Actually you're kind of fascinated by that tail (and ears,  but the tail is easier to reach) and can't help but give it a little poke.  That thing is really the real deal huh? "Dude..." Eloquent.

catboii >Aw he's like a crow that found something shiny. Your tail twitches when he touches it, and you mock frown. "Dude... You can't just go around touching guy's tails what are you an earth veterinarian." Your pout is so obviously fake and there that's your icebreaker. You lean your forehead against his shoulder and flip your tail onto/into his hand. It's long enough that when you're standing it can drag on the floor. "How are you doing?"

beatconductor "Nah more like a derse taxidermist" Well, that was highly unfitting response. Oops. Either way, you're busy ruffling the whole tail. "Well right now I'm petting a fluffy fairy so pretty damn fine I'd say." You did notice he doesn't like being called a furry, so look at you avoiding saying that. Also, you're kind of avoiding to really answer the question, since you just want off the whole emotional rollercoaster. "How's you."

catboii >You smile to yourself and nuzzle his shoulder, making sure you don't jab him in the face with your horns. You dont know about trolls around here,5 but you're very affectionate and vocal as standard. Iro54nically just like a cat. "I'll make surur Moonie hits you up if we fuck up our insurance scam and I die for real. Can you make me look good?" You don't really expect any different from him and you wouldn't have it any other way. He's funny and he's Real™ in a way you can't quite put your finger on. You do notice that he avoided, but kind of hope it's also to do with the fact that you're here. "Mmh I'm better now. Thanks"

01/08/2017

beatconductor > Considering your girlfriend is actually a cat troll,  you're used to such a show of affection (but it's adorable nonetheless).

beatconductor From his position against your shoulder he luckily can't see your face well,  right? Because your light skin blushes way too easily. "Man I know two morticians and my local death ram promised to stuff me after my death.  If I can't make you look good I know peeps that can. Though if they look at you they'll think you're some kinda cryptozoology thing." And here goes a hand up to Sol's head to test the ears. Soft.. Real,  yeah that's a word that you'd use for him too. With all the issues and quirks you've seen him display, you feel like he can easily understand and accept you for all you do or don't show. 01/08/2017

catboii >As much as B.C is all mysterious and aloof, you think you're getting him better now. He doesn't wanna bring other people down with his bullshit, and you get that. You wouldn't say it out loud because apparently it's a flaw, but you're detached enough from people that you don't really get effected by that stuff. You're happy to listen, and you like making people feel better. Honestly you like watching emotions go from one extreme to another, but you like B.C. You probably won't make him one of your official experiments. You do feel he has alot potential though, and if he didn't have to deal with stuff alone then he could probably get on that. It's not your call though, and you're not about to go pseudo pale on his ass, so he's safe. Right now it isn't really a thought, all you're here for is to get pets and give him attention in return in your own way to just help take his mind off things for a while. When he touches your ears they twitch and you lean your head into his hand, so if he wasn't actually gonna pet them he is now. You're a needy little kitty. You purr at him, low and quiet, and shuffle closer to him, so you can lean against him fully. "You smell nice. I think. Humans smell weird." 01/08/2017

beatconductor > Mysterious, do people actually think that? Socially inept, more like. But you very much appreciate his lack of prying. Though if anyone could figure out how to do it the right way, it's probably him. "Uh thanks I guess. Must be the smell of stress and death." You're only half joking. You can't really imagine what kind of scent he means and likes, but hey, a compliment is a compliment. Also you're definitely petting the ears now.

catboii >Well you like him and that's all that matters thanks. You rest your chin on his shoulder so you can kinda look at him, although you're badly longsighted so he's just an attractive blur this close up honestly. "Yeah I'm getting the aromatic undertones of death for sure. I wasn't gonna say that outright 'cause I though it'd sound like 'hey waddup you smell dead' you feel and that's not quite it." You're joking. You smooch him on the cheek, then settle your own cheek against his shoulder. "You know I read this thing apparently petting cats alot makes humans less likely to develop heart disease since it's relaxing." You smile up at him all cute like and stick your tongue out a bit, a little blep for good measure. Precious.

beatconductor You've read and seen how overly affectioate he is so you were prepared. And it's kinda really nice. "Oh neat so petting you might give me back like a year of all those decades I already lost. Man don't think I'll really get old enough in this city to ever have heart problems besides caffeine overdoses maybe." Oh god he does the blep. And you just can't resist to grab the tongue. How very childish.

catboii >It takes you a second to remember which one a decade is. First you got it confused with a century. Man how old is he, 'all those decades'. Dramatic. He's only like two and a half decades old isn't he? What a nerd. And now you're gonna bite his finger, or thumb, or hand, or whatever you can get to. Only a little bit. No broken skin. But you're not letting go. Huff and give him a muffled 'rude' which sounds more like 'boob'.

01/09/2017

beatconductor More like how much older will you get? You're not really expecting to do another ten years, but whatever. When he catches your fingers, you answer with a hoarse quiet yelp, but an amused one. That was really nothing to worry about, you've been bitten far worse before. "You're the boob, jerkface." You try to pry open that mouth with your other hand, taking the chance to get a look at his choppers. Troll teeth are always so cool. ((We can just let this stop here to hop onto a new thing uvu also just in case you're wondering carmineclock is my blog too just wanna keep up with my faves on a less busy dashboard))

catboii ((I saw in the about I was like yep that makes sense lmao. Still follows. But yeah that works lmao, they would've just awkwardly half cuddled from there c': ))

#catboii #nonbb

[noctomania]

my landlord needs to shit or get off the pot. he's been tiptoeing around eviction for months now. He's made sure to let me know that I would be allowed to stay but that we (meaning me) have ti replace the other two.

Well guess what. he needs to first tell them as much. and he hasnt. it has been like 2 weeks since he said he intended to terminate their tenancy. nothing. no notice yet. which is leaving me with less and less time to get reliable people.

this process is fairly simple....if people pulk their own fucking weight. so now im anticipating all kinds of disaster. let us run through the list of my anxieties, shall we:

1- the same things happening again. from the process of finding people to the point we're at now. Most if not all can be attributed to people not giving me advanced enough notice and people dropping the ball and everything resulting in me having to repeat a process i should only have had to do once 3 times.

2- me ending up in a tight place and having to give up most of my belongings as well as a big chunk of my savings. if i dont have time i cant find someone and then i will have no choice but to move and since it will be at the tail end of things then i would probably not end up with a nice place. ill have to settle for whatever i can get.

3- winding up with shitty roommates again. the reason i have the shitty roommate to begin with is that she was the only option i had left. she was nowhere on my priority list.my first pick which was a couple who were going to take both rooms and would have made my life 10x easier - the landlord dropped the ball and didnt call them so they took another deal. i had to start interviews all over again and in the end i had to settle for 2 unemployed people.

4- late notice to terminate may cause backlash from my current roommates. the worst of the two has an attitude problem and im not confident she would maintain any level of maturity in the process. i have no doubt she will make the entire process much more difficult than it needs to be and that she may even dig her heels in and claim that we have no right to not renew her lease. even though nobody wants her here. she also has SO. MUCH. SHIT. i fear it will take her ages to get it out. i wont hesitate to have it removed and/or donated if she tries it though.

5- insecurity. one of my current roommates has had lots of various people in and out. im not 100% confident that people who arent on the lease dont have keys. so i will likely be requesting a replacement lock so i dont have strangers letting themselves in. even though im fairly confident absolutely no rental unit ive ever lived in ever changed their locks. ill also need to make sure nobody is still on our wifi cuz i know that has been a circus.

6- wreckage. IF we can get them out on time and IF i dont suffer any personal issues, i will likely still have to clean up after them. as i had to for the last roommates. i honestly don't know how bad their rooms are. i worry mostly about one over the other because i know she never cleans her room. Also im worried they will also be both careless and rushed while they move and cause damages to occur. technically i do know how to properly repair minor damages like an accidental hole in drywall, but id really rather not. im not sure how willing my landlord would be to have someone come by.

7- either one of them making this longer and harder than it has to be. as it is it is a lot of time and effort to find people and process them. if i have to deal with someone trying some bullshit like making up a case of why the landlord isnt allowed to do this -- i may go insane. they both have tried to make false claims that the landlord was up to shady business when he would inform me when either one of them hadnt paid rent, so i wouldnt put it past them to try and make a case out of it simply to buy time. one of them i know has no issue with lying to people's faces so, we'll have to see.

8- the stress renders me ill and makes doing any of this that much more of an uphill battle. or i totally lose it and become unable to function at all.

9- current roommates trying to sabotage the chance of pinning anyone down by making false claims or dramatizing something when i show them the rooms.

10- idk if i can think of one for this but i needed it to be an even 10 because who stops at 9? perhaps this worry is that rent will go up with a new contract. i have signed 3 times now and never has he raised the rent which im eternally grateful for but with the bumassness of my current roommates i worry that he will have a change of heart and up rent as insurance.

I hate waiting. I hate having to just sit on my thumb because whoever is in my way is sitting on their thumbs. i want to tackle my problems not wait til they get worse. if i can tackle it now why wait?? normally i procrastinate a lot but not when it comes to ensuring i have a roof over my head and food in my cupboard. if the landlord doesn't get in gear im not gonna stick around. as much as i want to save money that wont happen if im the only one doing anything productive. im beyond tired of having to pick up after everyone else. you either show gratitude in the form of taking control of your responsibilities or im OUT.

im slightly sad too because i had been lookin at apartments before my current landlord said hed be kickin the others out and there was a place that had a study included with the bedroom. i was offered the spot but i had to turn them down because of the landlords promise and because i didnt want to spend more money than i needed to. While i can mend some of my woes by focusing on potential downsides to have taken that place, i cant ignore the fact that i would have been freed of so much responsibility.

we'll see. i emailed the landlord to try and kick him in the behind so hopefully that has some effect. now is not the time to test my patience.

[survivorpacificislandallstars]

Ep. 12 - “Fly my ass back to Hawaii and dump me in a volcano” - Andrew (Pt. 1)

So I guess All Stars is just gonna be me watching the people I know and love go home one after the other at this point. At this point, I shouldn't be shocked or mad. Rhea, Karen, even Brandon to an extent. Who's next is my only question. Shockingly, to not my surprise, Jordan and Ash couldn't be trusted!!!! Who could have foreseen this? Well, I could, and I did. Anyone with common sense and a brain could have, but I guess that's too much to ask. Like with Ash, I had zero expectations. Jordan... I mean, there was at least a low bar, a very low bar. Because as far as I can recall, I've been completely honest with Jordan each tribal I've been with him... And yet each time he goes against his own word, then we make up afterward, and it's just... I don't even know. I'm totally numb to betrayal by now. Also Gage's vote is hilarious. "I don't take kindly to lies" wow bitch me too the fuck???? Kinda why I voted for him cause like, at every tribal all my interactions with him have been lies built upon lies, sometimes mutually and sometimes from him. But there's no actual trust and we've just been pretending every round, so I'm glad we've finally dropped it and we can acknowledge the tension. Jordan said I'm not on the bottom of the tribe...which sounds fake but, okay. Maybe I can work with him, maybe I can't, but really I'm just praying for once that we swap one last time to save my ass. 

I am so so so so shook right now.

Conf #18: wow! final 14! Im doing so much better than the other two games that i wont talk about. Im concerned about this immunity challenge because usually when it comes to touchy subjects I feel like I know how the game is going, but with all the swaps I feel like I know nothing about what people are thinking it concerns me. *Coco Peru voice* that bothers me. As far as the double tribal? *Yawn* but also im ready to die again, hopefully I can get people to go after mitch!!!

Honestly this tribe swap has me wet. I'm on a tribe with a bunch of icons like daddy Andrew or Sam B or fake Sam, even Steffen to an extent. More importantly I am away from that horrible nest of snakes from my previous tribe. The bad thing is Samantha wants to go after Jay, because Jay tried coming for Sam at some point, which is horrible. And if I had to choose right now I'd vote out Jay over Sam just because Sam unlike some people hasn't blindsided me!!! But no I'm not bitter or anything, why would I be bitter? I mean I shouldn't be because it's not like I considered those people trustworthy or anything!!! Anyway. Mitch is obviously siding with Jay, which leaves three people in the middle. Sam and I both want Andrew because he's trustworthy (and Sam also wants him because he's hot and I have no issues with that). I trusted Andrew the most at the very beginning of the game, and we've both been through a lot but hopefully that connection is still there. That leaves Steffen and fake Sam as the swing votes...... Idk how much I trust either of them. Steffen did side with me at the Chrissa tribal, Sam sided with the snakes at Brandon's tribal tho.... So yikes!!!! We'll figure that out tomorrow!!! 

OKAY. So this new Kyaal tribe? EW. ALL MY FRIENDS ARE ON THE OTHER TRIBE AND I MISS THEM OKAY? NOT REALLY THO. I'm so chaotic in here wtf. Anyway, SO I'm back with Jordan Pines, which is litty titty. I feel like I actually can trust him because he gives me A LOT of tea like all the time. Whether or not it's all factual is another story, but at this point I'll take what I can get. I'm also still with DADvid. He's my Dad, check my birth certificate. He is such a good person and I'm so happy we've gotten so close through this game because we have had a lot of time to get to know one another in various communities and never have. So David told me he is pretty sure of a Drew/Jay/Mitch thing thang going on and I believe it! Drew just had a moment in the HOS15 VL when Jay was evicted so that's confirmed. ADDITIONALLY, Jordan just told me that Mitch found an idol (which isn't surprising) some ruby idol bullshit that makes everyone go to rocks??? Apparently Drew has it right now and knowing my luck I'll be rocked out of this damn game. But hey, I keep saying this but I'm so proud of myself for making it this far, so if I go, I go! (I'LL BE FUCKING PISSED AND PROBABLY NEVER PLAY ONE OF THES AGAIN IF I FUCKING GO HOME, I AM FUCKING SANDRA DIAZ-TWINE AND I WILL BE THE QUEEN THAT WEARS THE CROWN TWICE.)

So who the fuck does Jay think he is exiling me?! Why me?! Clearly he has some plan to get rid of me because we're not working together so he isn't exiling me to get the clue or anything so obviously he wants me gone. If for some reason he DOESN'T want me gone he's crazy because now I'm just pissed off. I don't get to just waltz back into the tribe with immunity like Drew does. I'm gunna have to scramble and make sure it's not me and this is gunna be so annoying. Plus he just messaged me "I'm exiling you I hope that's ok" LIKE NO ITS NOT FUCKING OKAY YOU DIMWIT FUCK WHY THE FUCK DID HE CHOOSE ME??? Also I just looked at the touchy subjects results and I got who has the most F2 deals? Technically I have none because I haven't actually talked to anyone about going to the end together AND I really only talk to Steffen, Drew, and Jordan so like fuck I'm so mad because it looks so bad on me. I'm just really overall pissed off right now and I can't believe I can't even rant to anyone! I feel like Drew and Jay are tight. I started going off not even thinking of it as a game thing but more like I'm frustrated and want to rant to a friend about it but then I remembered back on the first tribe when Jay, Drew, and Mitch were all so far up each other's ass it was disgusting so like I can't even talk to Drew about it because he'll go run and tell Jay and be all fucking annoying. I just want Mitch and Jay gone so bad. Steffen better be able to pull some people in and make sure it's Mitch and not me. If I go home because Steffen can't strategize to save me I'm gunna suffocate him when he comes to visit

I'm back and alive A lot of things have happened, and apparently confessionals aren't mandatory, so I haven't been writing things! That's great. So the last time I wrote a confessional was the round before Billy right? Ok So I sort of kind of may have manipulated the vote against Billy. I heard from Van that her and Billy were trying to flip the vote onto Charlotte, so I told Charlotte that Billy might have been trying to target her, and she easily flipped to Van and I. Jay didn't want to vote Billy, so it was 3-2. I'm glad I got him out of the game at least. I love Billy as a person, as a player, whew. He reamed me afterwards, and every bad thing he said about me was truly well-deserved. So then we swap, fun shit. Expected. We played Kanto! I got gay pokemon, but no idol or whatever. I have a team of cuties, so that's all that matters to me.<3 I couldn't play the grass game, so we kinda had to go to tribal. David was the target, but he whipped out an idol and his one vote for Punpun sent them home, which is disappointing. But fuck, good job David. Props to you, I ain't even mad. Apparently Van was voted out of the other tribe which SUCKS because I had to vote out Billy to protect her and then she just went home anyway??? Uggggh My friends keep leaving. We stayed in Kanto for a week and I got to play Pokemon LeafGreen. I caught 111 pokemon and earned myself a trip to exile, which was mostly pointless, and our tribe got immunity. I wasn't even playing to win, I just really love FR/LG. But of course I'm secretly digging my own grave, because who wants to keep a tryhard around at/before merge??? No one. I gave my idol to Drew because he said he might've been in trouble. It was insurance in case things turned sour. BUT APPARENTLY AT THEIR TRIBAL IT WAS UNANIMOUS VOTE FOR CHARLOTTE. I love Charlotte... She was my #1 man. I wanted to help her get far. And then Drew told me she might've been a catfish. So... Maybe that was for the best, idk. COME TO THINK OF IT, a first boot being considered an all star is VERY suspicious... I want my idol back tho. Also Karen went home at the other tribal!!! Bless up. Jay told me she had a sapphire idol so that is... good that she's gone.  ALSO Dan has the Whetu idol and I'm surprised but also not. So here we are on new tribes, and what better way to put a fire under my ass than to play touchy subjects??? Do I have good luck with this game? No. Do I usually get nice answers? Yes. Did I get them this time? Not...really. People think I have an idol and they want to vote me out next. Which is unfortunate, because now I honestly don't have an idol. And I'm going to be traveling tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I can't even really talk to people and defend myself!!!!!!!! Fortunately I at least have Jay and Andrew on this tribe. Sam G and Kevin would likely vote with me too. I don't want to vote Steffen because I just told him I wouldn't and meant it. So that leaves Sam B, who just won Panem and should go... We'll see how the chips fall. Maybe I'll get my idol back, maybe Samg and Kevin like me enough to keep me around, and maybe I'll live another day. If not, oh well, I made jury.

When you accidentally send a confessional....to the wrong game....hosted by Jay....and it's talking about Jay...and it reveals your allies........ I'm actually gonna hate myself if this fucks my game up why do I do these things

"Not to nitpick at the Touchy Subject results but the fuck! Firstable Ash and Gage put me down as backstabber like besides last vote which was just me returning the backstabbing to Gage, when have I done that... Second of balls, people forgetting I'm in the game? Well, not shocking, I'm naturally irrelevant. Still won't stop me from being salty but. So um if Jay goes after Sam B he's officially cancelled, because I would literally die for her every day of my life I had to. And the fact that he's immune....sigh. I don't know if he trusts me but!!! If he doesn't he can catch these gay 12 year old hands. Sam B and I want to go after fake Sam now because she has too many allies (she wanted to go after Mitch but uh, I think not). Idk what Jay thinks about fake Sam but he did send her to Exile so there's that. Hopefully Andrew and Steffen will come through???? Because if I have to watch Sam B die I might as well drop dead to the floor right now because there would be no point in living after that"

Andrew wants to form an alliance of me him Jay and Mitch. Like, I love those people, but you know who that excludes? Sam!!!!! You know who I would never vote out in a heartbeat? Also Sam!!!! Voting out Sam would be like Ciera voting out her mom except actually important and heartbreaking (but it would still be a hashtag game changing big move). So I kinda bs'd to Andrew saying I don't trust Jay because he voted out Karen (also my mom) which is half the truth. The good news is Andrew said we should choose between Steffen and fake Sam. While Steffen has backstabbed me once, we're supposedly friends now cause he was like "miss you!!!" when we swapped but like Gage did the same thing and look where that got me. But I don't wanna break that bond just yet. Sooooo I'm still gunning for fake Sam but Mitch was like "I like her" which just proves real Sam's about connections and yadda yadda. Really I just want to get to the point where I can stop distinguishing the Sam's and my life gets easier. 

I’m me and sara planning to search the well together

So the vote should in theory be Ash tonight. I'm perfectly fine with Ash going home but I'm not perfectly fine with lying to Gage about it, but at this point unless Ash/Gage have an idol I don't foresee things changing. Thankfully Gage seems to like me so that is a plus. If there's an idol played it most likely will not be me going home. I don't love that it will be David going home though. Jordan Pines is a dear friend of mine, but he's just in general very aggressive. He has strong social ties to people and seems to utilize them when he needs things. He put together the 5 votes against Ash and it seems like a done deal. But I'm at a cross roads. Do I try to turn David and work with Gage and Ash to vote Jordan out? Idk. My concern is that endgame, people like Mitch/Drew/Jay/Jordan will be an unstoppable force in this game and idk if I'm ready for that. I'll probably touch base with David before my vote is submitted and if he thinks the plan is good, it's happening. If not, I'll just have to lie to Gage and possibly lose my newest ally's trust... :/ 

I. Hate. Survivor. Here I am, dealing with important stuff, cleaning literal dog shit, and then here in the game shit hits the fan. Sam B wanted Sam G out. Jay wanted Steffen out. Sam B was fine with this. I tell Jay this. I also tell Jay Sam B wants Sam G out, but we can roll with Steffen. Jay says cool. But somewhere after some shitty sequence of events, Jay goes apeshit and throws out like, everyone's names and wants to vote out Sam B???? And doesn't tell me of course, even though he wanted to make sure "we're cool." So I guess keeping me in the dark, again, is a good way to gain trust. And then an even shittier thing happens. Sam B, fake Sam, and Steffen unite to vote out Mitch. I think voting out Mitch is the most effective way to weaken Jay, and Jay does need to be weakened. But voting out Mitch...and sending him to the jury...is difficult. I would rather send Mitch to jury over Sam. Sam said Jay directed votes back to Steffen... But I can't trust him, and I don't want to sit still and do nothing about that. He's fooled me once and I don't want to be fooled again, I'm tired of that happening. Voting out friends is hard, but I think tonight there's no easy way out. 

#piallstars #confessionals

[hervoiceswillbeheard-blog]

Chapter one-maybe?

Most people would say I’m a pretty sweet girl with a little bit a dark side. In fact, my boss said the best way he could think of to describe me was “Beetlejuice”, dark with some comedic release. Fair enough, I’m a Tim Burton fan, so that comment sat well with me. I work as a receptionist, a job that I love so much. Not really though. No one likes to talk to people who don’t appreciate what you are doing for them . Over the years, I’ve grown to hate most people, as I’ve come to learn they are, for the most part, assholes. I’ve tried to figure out a job that would require no human interaction, but the only idea I can come up with is mortician, those people can’t talk back. Still considering it, but we’ll see where life takes me.

This wonderful Monday morning is taking me to the office. I work in a town a little north of Atlanta. This is great for me because Atlanta traffic is horrible and enough to make me never want to  work down there. . I have plenty of reasons to hate my job, I don’t need the commute to add to it. Currently, it takes me approximately 13 minutes to get to work everyday. I like to get there early, so I leave at 8:15 even though I don’t get paid to start til 9:00. I figured this gives me time to get settled in and maybe give me some cushion for days that I need to request off. I figured, wrong….... No matter how early or how late I stay, I do not get compensated for that. You can guarantee if I miss a day though, I don’t get paid for that.

So anyway, I deal with a lot of shitty people. Well, they may not be shitty people, but to me, they are complete and utter morons and I can’t grasp how they have made it through life this far. That, or they’re just complete assholes that want to make my life Hell. Either way, there have been numerous deaths that I have wished upon people throughout the course of this “career”. I work in the insurance industry. Technically, I’m a CSR, which means I get paid shit but work the job of 5 people and sell policies, while keeping the office together. It’s a great gig, I’m glad I landed myself in this.

Back to this superbly bright and cheery Monday morning. It’s 8:30 and I have strolled in with my energy drink because there is no way I will survive the day without it. The phone begins ringing immediately, I already have 10 emails from the night before of work the agents didn’t  feel like doing, I’m going to try to keep my cool while I check the 20 voicemails that I need to work on from over the weekend. Have I mentioned I love my job? I would also like to point out, that I’m highly overpaid for the amount of stress thrown on me. Oh wait. No that’s bullshit. I should definitely make a lot more money. 

By lunch time, I have put the phone down maybe long enough to use the restroom. However, in that time a voicemail has come in and before I can call that person back the phone is ringing again.

“Good afternoon this is Hell, Lexi speaking, how can I help you?”

“Svhulhkgkgkg”

“I’m sorry ma’am, I’m having a difficult time understanding you.”

“SVHULFSFDGFG”

Thinking to myself here… I didn’t say I had hard time fucking hearing you, I said understanding you because I’m not sure what kind of gibberish is flowing from your mouth right now.

“Ma’am, what is your name and what can I do for you?”

“My name svhulfkfkfkjdf”

Riiiight… that was helpful…

“Do you mind spelling that for?”

She yells (not spells) “SVHULSFGSDF”

“Ma’am I’m not sure what I can do for you let me see if I can find your agent and get back with you”

Now how in the hell am I expected to help that person? Like, honestly what are  my options there? I’m not going to learn gibberish as a second language. I do believe she was actually Russian, but still, angrily yelling your name is getting me nowhere closer to knowing the spelling in order to pull up any vital information I would need to further assist you.

The rest of my calls are mostly, I wrecked my car, why did my rates go up, I bought a new car, selling my home, etc. Not difficult things at all, just the amount of things I have to process everyday is a little overwhelming.

#book #writing #life