#because i never got that vibe

[softpine]

i wasn't on tumblr when tlou part 2 dropped but i would love to know your thoughts on the game especially if/how they've changed with time if you're up to writing a paragraph lol

also i've seen a lot of ppl (i've never had a playstation so i have to go off of other ppl's opinions) say that while the story is about how the cycle of revenge is bad that the gameplay still rewards it and how that sort of defeats the purpose of the game for them and wanted to know your thoughts on that

happy tlou season 2 renewal <3

YES YES YES you know i’m always up for writing a paragraph (or ten)

first, let me just clarify one thing: the main message of the game is not “revenge is bad”. i hear people say this constantly and it’s just not true. the real message is all about forgiveness. if i had to boil it down to its essentials, i’d say the message is “love is a stronger force than hate.” but that’s just one interpretation!

i don’t feel that the gameplay rewards the cycle of revenge at all. abby kills joel and in return, she systematically loses everyone she cares about – leah, nick, jordan, nora, manny, yara, mel, and owen... plus she will never be allowed to go home to the WLF again. lev loses his entire family and community too. and they’ve both experienced unspeakable horrors while they were held captive by the rattlers. abby was punished for her decision at literally every turn. but she keeps fighting to survive because she has found a much stronger reason than hate to stay alive: love. protection. family. the first time she ever has a happy dream of her father, after years of nightmares, is when she saves yara and lev. killing joel didn’t give abby closure, but finding something to fight for did. it’s the exact same thing joel found with ellie.

ellie is not rewarded for her actions either. she’s the one picking off the salt lake crew members one by one, but we see her lose a piece of herself each time. she’s not experiencing catharsis, she’s only spiraling deeper into obsession and grief. she can’t appreciate anything good in her life, because she’s still consumed by everything she’s lost. she walks out on her partner, their baby, and their dream home to chase after this elusive “closure”, knowing that she may die trying. i think ellie herself knows that killing abby won’t make her feel better, but the only alternative is forgiving joel and moving on without him, which she doesn’t feel is possible yet. she has to lose everything before she’s able to accept joel for who he is and what he’s done.

it’s a fucking masterpiece the way that the game makes you think joel and ellie’s last conversation was a fight, until they reveal that actually, their last conversation was ellie offering him an olive branch. “i don’t think i can ever forgive you for that. but... i would like to try.” is so impactful because ellie never got the chance to forgive joel while he was alive. even while she was trying to avenge his death, she couldn’t forgive him. it’s only when she has lost herself that she can finally forgive him, and perhaps she can even understand him. that forgiveness has nothing to do with abby or anyone else – it’s all about ellie. it’s about love.

as for my personal opinions about tlou2, they haven’t changed much. i loved it when i played it the first time and i love it even more now!! i greatly appreciate the sheer balls they had, and the fact that they never changed their creative vision to make the game more palatable / marketable. i’ve never seen a game make such an unpopular choice and i respect the fuck out of them for doing it no matter what anyone said. i love joel but i’m glad he died because it gave rise to one of the most impactful stories i’ve ever had the pleasure of experiencing 💖

(special mention to the fact that the main character is a lesbian, which is something i would never even think to wish for because it’s so uncommon in games of this genre. ellie is everything i’ve ever wanted from gay rep, meaning that she’s literally just existing as a gay person and her sexuality has hardly anything to do with the plot. i fucking love how she has a detailed story, a rich personality, and complicated relationships while she just happens to be a lesbian. it’s literally perfect, no notes!)

#i'd be curious to know what you meant by the gameplay rewarding the cycle of violence #because i never got that vibe #at the end of the day it's a video game which involves violence so obviously they need to make the gameplay entertaining #but they did everything in their power to make you feel conflicted about it #giving the NPCs names - making their cries of pain / begging for their lives truly hard to listen to - making you kill dogs - etc. #asks #anonymous #nonsims #brandi answers #the last of us 2 #the last of us spoilers #tlou spoilers

[14dayswithyou]

💖 Day 3.5 is now available! 💖

For the last couple of months, only Server Boosters had access to the 3.5 update... Buuuuut now it's available for everyone to play in the 14DWY Discord — and soon itch.io once I'm happy with the QA and state of the game — so please don't feel pressured to join unless you want to!!

The full devlog + even more screenshots are under the cut ^^

What's been added to the 3.5 version?

📺 Streamer Mode!

I've been told that it's difficult to stream and monetise age-restricted videos on YouTube and Twitch, so I added an option to remove the sexual content and strong language used in the demo.

Now y'all can invite Ren into your bed for cuddles without putting your streamer career on the line /silly /lh

This won't affect the 18+ rating or dark themes/elements of the game, however! Although Streamer Mode will prevent you from seeing any "gruesome" CGs in the future, most of the core elements of the game will still be tied to the choices and decisions you make. So you won't miss out on the overall experience by using streamer mode!!

⚙️ Custom Pronouns!

It only took me one entire year to get around to it, but you can finally choose your own preferred pronouns (or use a set of pronouns instead)... At the cost of being able to change them mid-game ^^;

Since the original pronoun screen wouldn't update until a new scene was displayed, I temporarily disabled the feature. But once I find a workaround, I'll bring it back!

💗 Choose how others perceive you!

You can now choose how the cast and narration perceive you! Originally, the narration was kept strictly gender-neutral (outside of pronouns and genitalia picked by the player), but this will soon change in future updates.

For more clarity: you don't get to choose the words specifically, but you can choose between masculine, feminine, and androgynous terms!

📋 Separate top and bottom genitalia!

You can now choose your tatas and pps separately! >:3

Alongside that, you can also choose your preferred body type!

I removed the "both" genitalia option because a few players still assumed it was an obscure version of "intersex". That wasn't my intention and I don't want to mislead anyone, so I took it out for now ^^;

I also didn't want to include a screenshot of the new genitalia choices in action (because it's NSFW), so y'all get the same character menu screen for the nth time instead lmao

📱 Relationship Screen Overhaul!

You can now change your own status for more immersion, and long-term Server Boosters will eventually be able to submit and use their own icon within the game as well!

Stalking finding your friends has now become easier by using "Buddy Maps"; a new app that allows you to see the location of all the cast members!

I want to offer players more incentive to check the relationship screen since they tend to miss the status updates, so hopefully this might help ;v;

It also says it "updates every few hours" so folks don't go overboard and check every 5 seconds to see where Ren is gdsghf (also keep in mind that he's a hacker lol)

🖤 Additional Scenes Update!

Day 2 received a brand new CG!!!!! Originally, I planned on only adding a few CGs sporadically throughout the game, but it didn't feel right to leave Day 2 so... empty... so I added a brand new CG to (hopefully) make things feel more balanced and natural!

If you decline Teo's offer on Day 3, Leon will now call and try to convince you to reconsider. However, players are still allowed to decline, and if they do, they'll reach a dead end.

After listening to feedback on itch, I changed some of the dialogue during Days 1-3 to make it seem more consistent! They're only small changes though, so it's honestly not worth looking for sdgjssga

🎶 Updated BGM and SFX!

I wanted to try out a different style of music to see if it fits the vibe of 14DWY more! The BGM features more acoustics to suit the "beachy" theme of Corland Bay, though I made a conscious effort to include piano elements as well to stay true to the original!!

I figured it'd be better to give players a live example before I make a poll (to see if they prefer the change or not) and publish it to Itch.

Some new SFX have also been added, though it's very minimal and honestly not that noticeable.

How to download and play the update?

(warning: clicking on the following links will open Discord!!) To download the Day 3.5 update, simply join the 14DWY Discord server, verify your age, and visit the "14dwy-updates" channel!

Alternatively, you can also wait until the update is publicly released on Itch to play it as well!! (It normally gets released shortly after a round of QA testing/getting feedback from the server, though I may release it earlier if I feel like it hehe ^^)

Enjoy!!

#14 days with you #14dwy #💖 — 14 days with queue. #🖤 — updates. #🖤 — spoilers. #I'm not gonna say much about my current doxxing situation because I've got it under control now + it's being handled privately #Plus I don't wanna give it/the people involved any unnecessary attention. I just wanna announce the update and Get Back To It™️ #(''it'' bein the grind 💪 It never stops lmao /silly) #OG followers will also know that these topics aren't the vibe I normally have on this blog (or any of my accounts); so I don't think I'll— #—make ANOTHER public post about the situation and bring more attention to it (when I just want everything to be over and put to rest ^^;) #However I also don't want people to think that I'm... ignoring?? the situation entirely (because gettin doxxed is a very endangering thing) #So I DO want to quickly acknowledge it here and say that it's all currently handled + I'm safe and okay + this won't stop me from— #—continuing to work on 14DWY (and other future projects). I also don't want to give these awful people more power and incentive to continue #—this kind of pathetic behaviour; so the less attention and encouragement being shown will ultimately be better in the long run :3 #Aaaaaanways!! 😮‍💨 #My other accounts will be restored shortly and my askbox will be opened once I feel comfortable. I'll get around to following folks— #—again in my own time; so please don't feel offended if I unfollowed you during a moment of vulnerability and anxiety!! #This is all EXTREMELY overwhelming and scary for someone with SAD/AvPD; and I /gen can't handle seeing it all over my timeline ;v; #Sorry this got ranty and personal again hjdsgjsdh T_T I said I wouldn't say much; so I'll shut up now hehe #🖤 — shut up sai.

[drawnfamiliarfaces]

is that disney-esque artstyle, peter parker look alike PILOT RANDY CUNNINGHAM???

also ngl i kinda dig Viceroy II and Deputy Mayor Kranski

+bonus Bible designs

#rc9gn #randy cunningham 9th grade ninja #randy cunningham #howard weinerman #listen i am still weak and sick and that pilot and bible leak have been killing me over the weekend lol #i never was a die-hard fan of vasquez artstyle. i think its fun and cool to draw but my personal style is closer to the disney-esque thing #but ive got to admit that rc9gn wouldnt be rc9gn without it. randy is memorable and iconic instead of being lost in disney-styled cartoons #pilot and final product are like two completely different worlds and im in love with both of them. it is now ninja-verse in my head #also i am pointing at pilot like di caprio meme because THAT is very validating for me personally cause i constantly say rc9gn is old 2000s #cartoon vibes and thats why i group it with shows like dp adjl and kp etc instead of cartoons from its own decade #ALSO x 2 i have now adopted Kranski and Viceroy II yes they are now canon in my rc9gn verse lol Judge is ok too but i am more into Kranski #who is straight up ready to murder. we love evil ladies in this house

[cozylittleartblog]

here comes the boy ~ hello boy ✨

cleaned up a couple of the vash doodles i did while learning to draw him :)

#trigun #trigun 98 #vash the stampede #anime #doodles #art #dat me #my friend phoenix was visiting from portland almost the whole last week it was really fun !!! i did not open PS for a week FJHBGDBHJDFG #how do i draw again... what is a tablet.... i forgor ..... #i have seen TWO trigun fans in public this weekend. a guy at the bookstore with a vash pin on his lanyard + someone at the local arcade #who had a PUNISHER ITA BAG ??? COOL AF??? the arcade was also full of furries for some reason. which was cool but i've never seen it before #girl the arcade is hot enough as it is if you're wearing a fursuit in an arcade you are braver than any us marine #I WAS SO SAD I LEFT MY PURSE (ALSO AN ITA BAG) IN THE CAR FOR THE ARCADE BECAUSE I HAVE A VASH PIN IN IT ..... #please ask me about my ita bags... please ask me about my pins.... i am insane about my pins...... #my brother and i are going to indie pop con in 2 weeks if i dont find some cute trigun 98 stuff i will riot #i am relentlessly vashposting on main. i will draw other characters i swear but he is my favorite #any character where i go 'there is something so so so wrong with him' is my favorite EVERY TIME #im just happy to be drawing again honestly #i got about a month before anime central so i am just trying . to VIBE. for the first time in months

[surroundedbyconfusion]

That scene where Megamind and Minion fight and minion says “good luck on your date”

“I will”

“That doesn’t even make sense!”

“I know!”

This is so much more than I thought and I fucking love DreamWorks

Throughout the movie Megamind values wit - tries to train Titan to have witty comebacks, provokes and asks for it in their first battle, fuck that fantastic “oh you’re a villain alright, just not a super one”

He’s so good at bantering but it all crumbles when he’s actually, truly fighting with someone he cares about rather than views as a game partner

Anyways I’ve been trying to sleep for 3 hours and am about to rewind Megamind again. We’ll see if I notice anything else again.

#shoutout to the billboard at 1:02:07 #favorite little guy. #Megamind #sleep claim me please #guys I have shit to do tomorrow #;-; #Megamind got that reader’s accent and vibes #stubborn even when corrected #I may be projecting #(I am projecting) #but hc he’s stubborn because all he had as a kid was books #he didn’t even get to fucking learn with all those kids #maybe overheard pronunciations but was never taught #so fuck you and your shool #this is metrocity and he is self-taught for so much and he gets to be stubborn and proud of how much he’s done for himself

[hellenhighwater]

Hmm....how hard can large scale mosaic possibly be? I feel like my plans for the room I'm working on could use something really shiny and impactful and maybe I want to make a fold-down cutting table and maybe I want to do it out of mosaic, even though that will be ungodly heavy.

It's a fun idea. I'm not sure if it's a good idea.

I haven't done mosaic since a one-off high school art class but I feel like the component skills are ones I already have, sooooo....

I have been keeping to a blue and gold celestial theme for both my guest room and my art workspaces, because if and when I move those spaces are likely to be combined. Cutting table, even though it would be for a different room, falls in the same vein, so I'm thinking something with a nice dark night sky and maybe some branches or leaves...

#if nothing else #I am likely to bleed less on my project than I did on the one in high school. #i sliced my arm open and bled profusely and never quite got all of it out #the third bedroom in my house is basically a junk room rn because the layout is awful #and i have been rotating that room in my head for weeks trying to see how it fits together in a functional way #it's going to still be storage but also my digital workspace/home for my modern tools #aka four ink printers #the laminator the 3d printer the laser engraver the cutting mats the paper storage #and also random crap like luggage and wrapping paper. #i think im settling on a library/bindery vibe #so loooots of built ins. #on a budget level i cannot afford to start this room for a while yet #and the same is also true on a time management scale #but for each project like this I tend to prefer to have everything fully realized in my head before i start #so im doing that now #mentally putting together lumber cut lists and figuring out if im going to have to buy a jigsaw

[ghouljams]

reading the fae au has my daddy issues REELING-

i dunno do i want to be held and comforted by one of them or fucked dumb😭🙏

could you maybe do some like paternal/father figurey stuff with any fae boy you want… cant prove the stereotype daddy issues right guys please im more than wanting old me to make me worse…

As previously stated I asked my friend for help writing the original fae!Price post. Gave me the main pointers on how it all worked.

Do you want more actual dad stuff with Ghost and baby? Or is this just wanting older men to be nice to you?

I'm just gonna have Price run some aftercare on his Witch.

You're still a little floaty, still fuzzy at the edges from having your own magic turned against you. You hear Price opening a window to let the smoke out, and you feel sort of cold without him holding onto you. Your whole body aches like you just finished working an overly complicated spell. You turn your head to rub your cheek against the couch, the worn fabric just rough enough against your skin to start to ground you back in your body.

You've done this enough times. Grounding. You stretch your fingers out and- oh, hm. Your hands are still tied behind your back. That explains the ache in your shoulders. Right. Right, you remember. You were bad at following orders, so Price had to- Why does that thought make your heart hurt a little. A small noise escapes you, somewhere between upset and need.

Price is by you in an instant, crouching to be sure he can look in your eyes as he slips his hand under your cheek to hold your face. "You're alright sweetheart," He tells you softly, "we're done, you did good."

You roll your shoulders wordlessly, your throat hurts, he nods and pushes up to reach over you and untie your wrists. You sag with a sigh feeling the pressure around your wrists disappear. Price reappears, looking over your face, checking for signs of distress. The gentle touches are so far flung from the bruising grip he'd had on you not long ago.

"You ok to sit up?" He asks, and you nod, "Good girl, up we go." Price helps you ease into sitting, his hand pressing between your shoulders to take some of the weight from the movement. Your head spins a little, and you make another upset noise at the pain of it. "I know, sugar, I know." His arm slides under your knees, the other wrapping around your shoulders.

You haven't been lifted in years, but your brain is a little sluggish in processing the soft grunt from Price before you're no longer on the couch. You rest your head against his shoulder, ground yourself a little in his scent. Or you try to, but the lingering tobacco and morning glory give you another shot of the brain fuzzies.

You drift for a while, settled at some point on the edge of your tub. The rush of water and smell of sachet herbs doing little to pull you back to earth until you are actually submerged. Magic sloughs off of you as you sink under the warm water. You hold your breath and stare up at Price through the refraction.

When you pull yourself back up to oxygen you feel like you're in your body again. At least magically. Price's hands catch your shoulders before you can tip forward back into the water. "Easy sweetheart," He tells you, his hands are rough and calloused, another feeling to ground with. You take a deep breath, trying to pull yourself from the non-magical portion of this. The soft dreamy space you'd settled in, the need to please him with little care to your own needs. "Not in a rush," Price presses your shoulders back against the end of the tub, "Just breathe, I'm not going anywhere," You close your eyes, rest your cotton stuffed head against the edge of the tub, "You did so good, I'm so proud of you."

You don't really know why he's telling you that, but it helps. Makes your ribs unwind a little. He pulls one of your hands from the water and digs his fingers into your palm, dragging and rubbing the ache from your hand before moving up to your wrist. Price pulls the pain out of your limbs as easily as he pulled the thoughts from your head, whispering soft sweet things to you until you're starting to doze.

"All mine," He murmurs, pressing his lips against the pulse in your wrist. You hum assent. All his.

#He only wants to make her worse in a fun sexy way #he wants her to stay kind and soft outside of their sessions #because that's what he loves most about her #fae!Price #aftercare #john price x reader #john price #captain john price #john price x you #x reader #f!reader #oc: witch #wow baby's first time experiencing sub space #Price should really have like a conversation with her about their play #she doesn't know shit about shit Witch is just vibing and having fun #also no shade but like #i do not have daddy issues #do y'all actually want him to act paternal? #never got the whole daddy kink thing either #this is a “sir/ma'am” kink household

[pixelglam]

Somewhere in New England, United States. 🌊

#LISTEN #i have never been more proud #I am so in love with it #The outside is really cute too! But the color of the lighting didnt match the interior pictures so it got left out #In real life I love dark woods with lots of white fabrics and here and there some blue accents so that's what I did in this build #I am particularly proud of the gallery wall with the tv #since it's in brindleton bay I wanted it to have a coastal vibe and now I love it so much that I might start a new current household just #because of this house #it also has a small stable for the horses <3333 #everytime I build I always finish when I'm about to starve so I'll be going to make lunch now <3 thank you for reading #ts4 #ts4 simblr #the sims 4 #sims 4 #the sims 4 simblr #sims 4 screenshots #pixelglam #ts4 screenshots #ts4 interior #ts4 builds #ts4 build #bay* #my builds

[insomnya777]

etho the kinda mf to own a typewriter

#(you left your typewriter at my apartment / straight from the tortured poets department / i think some things i would never say / like who #uses typewriters anyway) #i had this thought because i was listening to ttpd and that lyric above came up #n i was like lol kinda joel vibes #and i got to thinking #etho would def have a typewriter #idk #ethoslab #etho #nya talks #hermitblr #trafficblr

[aquanutart]

Nyaha~! Caught in my electroweb! ♡

#pokemon #iono #nanjamo #bellibolt #pokemon sv #aquanutart #iono gives me this vibe of 'i've sold my soul to chasing love and attention from thousands of strangers who will never know me' #but with an edge of self-awareness and i like that #i love hyper over-the-top performer personalities! i think she genuinely enjoys performing in her cutesy persona #and i definitely think it's a huge part of herself that she enjoys expressing but she has another side too #that worries about numbers and holding people's interest and getting the attention and validation she wants #she's an in-universe internet content creator! she's got a gig and she is WORKING it!! #i swear she makes me hear death by glamour #ALSO SHE HAS A FROG!!! i have no choice but to stan #btw you get a bilingual bonus if you can read this (and i get a weeb award for using romaji and katakana in the same picture) #how else though can i convey to english audiences that she uses boku (i love it) #her catchphrase 'your eyeballs are mine' does kinda creep me out though #i find it less creepy in japanese which is just 'your eyeballs (are acted on by) electric net' but that may be because i understand it less #i don't know japanese well enough to guess exactly what it's implying rofl

[possumsarenice]

It’s nice to that The Sun and Moon Show has some cis representation with Moon. I mean, he’s the only one in the entire cast, but it’s still nice

#SUN IS TRANS DAVIS TOLD ME IRL/j #But like CANONICALLY SPEAKING #Lunar goes by he/they #Earth goes by she/they #Monty is genderfluid #I saw a post talking about how Eclipse could be a trans metaphor (but I would like to add that this could specifically be the #“Trans egg who’s trapped by internalized transphobia” experience) #Bloodmoon is just the “Numerous Bees” meme #and the nano-machines add to the trans vibes #And KC’s arc could hit with some trans peeps #Gemini was probably using gendered pronouns to “make things easier for Earthings” #AND EVEN IF SUN IS JUST A FEMBOY ITS STILL A LITTLE FRUITY #BUT TRANSFEM SUN WHO DOESNT WANT TO COME OUT OR EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE IT BECAUSE SHE NEVER GOT THE COURAGE TO TELL OLD MOON AND NEVER WILL #GOOD SHIT #sun and moon show #sams #the sun and moon show #tsams

[anominous-user]

^ stick, and without the stick v

#honkai star rail #the henry stickmin collection #thsc #to quote my partner: “ok since we’re entertaining the brain worms. the henrail starmin collection” #okay tag time #dan heng #march 7th #stelle #caelus #and the…now non sticks #henry stickmin #ellie rose #charles calvin #before anyone asks. yeah the de-sticked designs are literally just them but if they were part of HSR/the honkaiverse in general #meaning overly complicated (sometimes pretty and nonsensical) designs that make drawing them hell :D #ellie's hair having ely vibes wasnt by accident btw i thought it would be funny #i am never lining in this style w/o a sketch ever agaib. (the style for the non sticks #this was originally gonna feature toppat eden but ummmmmmmmmmmmmm i got carried awayyyy haha.. #toppat fcs soon. along with full versions of the tt version of the three here soon. #or at some point because unfortunately i just dont have much time as i did before... :( #started to add IDs to my new stuff if the descriptors seem awkward its bc i havent had to do this in years so. i will Try My Best though #(unfortunately i have incredible difficulty w/ clothing names.)

[kalopsic-lagomorph]

headcannon that kismet was some sort of therapy group we're they all started out grey and supported eachother with getting their colors back

#band together #branch left because he thought he was bringing down the vibes #i think they all got grey as kids from being raised in the tree #like that could not have been pleasent #theyre a support group to me #trolls #trolls band together #tbt #dreamworks trolls #kismet #branch #trolls headcanons #ablaze #hype #boom #trickee #branch wrote songs and made coreo but he never sang cos of his vow yknow

[callmebrutus]

lowkey how i imagine The Shitshack

#bare in mind im foreign and have never been to us #not to mention florida #but i tried to brainstorm the idea fit tried to push and i think i got it #the house of edith finch kinda vibe #but make it suburban florida??? #a bit scrappy but cozy #u know #not quite treehouse(it's just the closes image i could find) #but it's makeshift #and pretty solid because qfit is practical #ramon and pac decorated the interior because they can't stand r/manlivingspaces core #qsmp #qsmp fitmc #fitmc #qsmp ramon #ramon the egg

[vooruitmariek]

The Bear and the Nightingale - Katherine Arden

#vooruitmariek #the bear and the nightingale #illustration #the bear and the nightingale fanart #the winternight trilogy #traditional illustration #watercolor illustration #vasya petrovna #katherine arden #book fanart #ever since i got my library card i've been reading a lot more #mainly ebooks (never thought i'd like that) #i had forgotten how much fun it is to read a book in one sitting because you're obsessed #libraries are the best #also i know that's not the way the two other books are gonna go but #loved the ace vibes :)

[waywardstation]

WIP FRIDAY

I apologize for getting this out two days late, I’ve been busy with lots of packing and events! But I have a little reprieve, so I wanted to post another WIP; this one is from Heart Full, Bowl Empty.

BE AWARE THAT THIS SEGMENT INVOLVES A CONVERSATION REVOLVING AROUND UNWILLING BUT INTENTIONAL STARVATION. I know there are people who say they can’t read this fic because of themes like this, so be aware of this before reading this WIP!!

I included this snippet in today’s WIP because I have like three versions of the entire segment this snippet is from. I feel like it’s a really important segment with a really important conversation, and I’ve had a hard time balancing all the emotions the way I want to between Ingo and Akari, with frustration, sadness, anger, and empathy, to realistically get them to the resolution I want at the end of it.

The final version will probably only include a few parts from this particular segment.

Enjoy!!

—————

“I knew it! You’re doing it again!” Akari’s eyebrows scrunched, trying to understand through the frustration. “You said you wouldn’t!”

“Circumstances will improve soon.” Clearly done with the conversation, that was all Ingo said, but it was confession enough that he had fallen back on his word. Shame contaminated his voice, but if there was any regret, he hid it well.

“No, it won’t!” They were not even half-way through winter yet. “And you know it won’t!”

Ingo said nothing as the kits carefully moved around his slumped form, finding comfortable places to settle around him. She didn’t know if he intended to snuff the conversation out with angered silence, or if he was just too exhausted to care about arguing with her anymore. If it wasn’t for his small occasional signs of movement or acknowledgement, she’d think he was actually sleeping.

Akari carefully stepped into the nesting layers, moving to sit down next to Ingo. She settled with her back against the cavern wall, pulling her knees close as a few kits shuffled around to accommodate her. “You know I’m right.”

Huffing out an irritated sigh and nothing more, it didn’t seem like Ingo had any intentions to engage with her argument anymore.

“You couldn’t even pull yourself up over the ridge,” She prodded at him again, trying to motivate more conversation out of him. “I had to help you!”

“There are many, many factors that go into that.” A reluctant answer, perhaps a reflexive attempt to quell her worry; Ingo feebly rubbed his wrapped hand, almost as a display for his excuse.

“I’ve seen you do more when you’ve been hurt worse.” Akari retorted, a little softer now but still cold.

Ingo’s eyes remained closed, though his hardened expression implied that it came across as more accusatory than she’d intended. But perhaps it was precisely the time to be accusatory.

“Ingo, you’re so tired all the time now – you stopped coming to the training grounds because you just can’t make the trips all the time anymore! And you’re sleeping so much more than you used to, and it’s like you’re always hungry all the time, even though all I see you doing anymore is gathering food!” Akari’s voice grew more jagged as she continued to jab at him, entirely uninterrupted.

It was getting difficult. With Ingo’s tunic still sopping by the bucket, still somewhat red from the exhausted effort of washing out the blood, it could not hide the ribs that pressed out just a little bit more, or help fill out what the waistline had lost under the loosening belt. The abject dread of directly acknowledging that was too much.

“And- and look! You aren’t even willing to hold a conversation with me anymore, and I don’t know if it’s because you just won’t, or because you can’t!” The kits shifted uncomfortably as Akari retreated back into her own frustration instead. “People think you’re sick, Ingo! They’re asking me about you! What are you doing?”

The exhausted man remained where he laid in the nesting material, only moving his hands to rub at his face and sigh — a deep, forced sigh that swelled his side before releasing. Akari almost didn’t think he’d answer her, but with some effort, he propped himself up first onto his elbows, then slumped forward. The teen watched him run shaky fingers through his hair as he sat next to her.

“…I don’t know what I should do.” The guilt. The weary guilt cracked his voice and tore Akari’s anger down to heartache.

#ref for fic #BE AWARE THIS IS DISCUSSING INTENTIONAL BUT UNWILLING STARVATION #tw starvation #just in case #cause I know not everyone vibes with this story #and I’ll say it’s been weird myself returning to these segments I wrote months ago and re-reading them #AND TO BE MORE CAREFUL I talk about a personal situation sort of dealing with this below #a lot has happened in the timeframe of originally writing this and coming back to this #at the end of fall I got very very sick and it lasted well into February #I unwillingly shed thirty-five pounds because I could not eat #and I didn’t notice at all until I stopped and realized just how tight I had to make my work belt #even when family members pointed it out during the holidays when they’d hug me #it wasn’t until someone got very concerned and did something about it that I realized just how bad it was #I’m sure people remember when I mentioned I had gastritis #that’s what all this was I just never really went into detail about how bad it truely was here #so coming back and reading this segment specifically #having written it months before I went through any of this #felt really really weird and a little uncomfortable #I edited Akari’s accusations a little to fit my situation more about a month back #because I did not realize just how much more stuff like this would make you want to sleep #at least in my experience #but it’s been very very just #strange I guess coming back to this #it doesn’t make me want to not work on HFBE anymore it just feels very weird