#because fucking hell I know how it plays out and these people ever have goog intentions even if they think they do

[steelthroat]

I was painting and the religious-fanatic teacher came to me and started asking questions about my work. I answered them and I was ready to go on with my day and she goes "we used to talk more when you were well..."

And I stopped dead in my tracks and looked at her like "wtf" because lady you are under 2 wrong assumptions here:

I would let YOU of all people be aware of my mental state or personal life or anything that concerns ME at all.

That we had some kind of amicable relationship to begin with? No, I don't know how you got the wrong impression since I just ever talked to you after I disagreed with your views, criticized you and almost fought with you because you said something both incredibly stupid and triggering... just because I've kept things civil doesn't mean I don't consider you anything other than a pretentious asshole.

The audacity of this woman, to think she can come to me and act all motherly and attentive while trying to get her nose in my personal life while bringing up a past bond which never fricking existed????? What like do you miss our disagreements???

And I just told her, "But... I'm good tho" which is not 100% true, but that's none of her business anyway

And she goes "yeah but you were even better"

BITCH????? No I wasn't? I'm not doing super now but I've vastly improved since last year so idk are you tripping or something???? And then she says something else about my work and keeps talking to me and I'm being civil and cordial because I'm not a rude asshole even if he doesn't even deserve this courtesy for the way she treats us.

Idk what's wrong with her, like she thinks I'm some kind of "problematic kidTM" for the way I look who needs salvation?? Which is not true, I don't need you as a mother. I already have a loving family and friends. Thank you and get the hell away from me????

And even if I were looking for someone's help for anything, I would NEVER in a hundred thousand years go to her for it. Not even for a broken nail lol.

She would probably tell me to go to church and confess or some shit. She already told me to call a confessor for my grandma because she had a little accident when she heard me talking about it with someone else... fkn hell.

#the art school adventures are back #she makes me irrationally angry #steel rambles #I hate it when people assume things about me #and when they try to get close when I've made it clear I don't want them to #because fucking hell I know how it plays out and these people ever have goog intentions even if they think they do #becaus eyou don't force someone to get close to you #it either happens ornit doesn't #also because these peopel try to get close to me WHILE assuming wrong things about me so I just can't have normal interactions #because they're just so fucking certain they understood how I function and even having a heart to heart conversation doesn't do shit #they just can't see me as anything else #and it makes me fucking angry too because I hate being misunderstood but I also can't let the people understand me #because then I'm too vulnerable to them and their manipulation #so idk I guess I prefer being perceived as a “problematic youth” instead of letting her any closer because fuck no she gives me the creeps. #or bad vibes #yeah creeps is too strong of a word #honestly I'm tired of fighting and always feeling on the edge #and it doesn't get easier #or better #but i hate it.

[westmezzanines]

you. evens. now

i lov u for sending this but hate that u asked it in this way

2. is your room messy or clean?uhhmmm mostly clean except for my closet which has clothes all over the floor and my desk and dresser which have a bunch of shit piled on them4. do you like your name? why?yeah i do! it’s pretty unique and it kinda just sounds good6. describe your personality in 3 words or lessfuck im not doing this because usc wants to know it for my application and i still have to think about it8. what kind of car do you drive? color?i do not have a car im gay and i’m only taking my permit test this friday10. how would you describe your style?i throw on whatevers comfortable and if i happen look cute that’s cool12. what size bed do you have?twin14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?god i don’t know i really like where i live. probably berkeley16. favorite makeup brand(s)NYX B*TCH i love being cheap18. favorite tv show?sense820. how tall are you?5'722. do you go to the gym? hahaaaaaa no24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?uh i think like $27 and a bunch of quarters26. how many pillows do you sleep with?228. how many friends do you have? actually a lot cause i’ve done a bunch of different stuff in my life but probably like 10 really close ones30. whats your favorite candle scent? the one where i walk into the candle aisle at east west and take a good sniff32. 3 favorite girl namesthey’re all good.34. favorite actress? oh ummm i don’t really watch that much stuff but danielle brooks is really awesome36. favorite movie? i don’t know if i could pick just one best one of all time but milk, dangal, and home alone 2 are all classics in vastly different ways38. money or brains? i don’t think either of these matter really40. how many times have you been to the hospital?i think like once when i was little to get surgery on my ear but that’s it42. do you take any medications daily? no but sometimes i eat my little sister’s gummy vitamins44. what is your biggest fear? probably, like, burning out and having nowhere to go in life 46. whats your go to hair style?i usually have it down or in a ponytail if im lazy or want it out of my face nothin fancy48. who is your role model? i don’t think i really have one i just do my own shit50. what was the last text you sent?“decapitated”52. what is your dream car? i don’t really care as long as it goes i’m fine54. do you go to college? nope not yet56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? suburbs but god i’m a city slicker at heart58. do you have freckles? sorta!! they’re kinda hard to see cause they’re rly close to my skin tone but they’re definitely there60. how many pictures do you have on your phone? 2,681 😧 i need to migrate to goog photes though i’m running outta room62. do you still watch cartoons? no but i stay pretty well versed in them thanks to my little sister64. Favorite dipping sauce? RANCH BABEY66. have you ever won a spelling bee?nope68. can you draw? i sure hope so70. what was the last concert you saw? muse with miranda on friday it was really fun hell YEHA72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?they’re actually both pretty good I mostly have starbucks cause that’s what we have here on the west coast but i had dunkin donuts a few times on the east coast and it was really good74. what is your crush’s first and last initial?god i don’t even think i have a crush on anyone right now what a cool life76. what color looks best on you? mostly dark colors like black navy blue burgundy etc but i’ve bought like 3 olive green things recently that i love78. do you sleep with your door open or closed?CLOSED i cannot stand to have any light in my room80. what is your biggest pet peeve? this is really weird but like when the room is quiet except for someone watching a video on they phone it drives me up the fuckin wall and i have to leave the room or i die82. favorite ice cream flavor? it depends on where i’m getting it from honestly but gelato classico white chocolate raspberry is my SHIT84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? rainbow hit me with that gay shit86. what is your phone background?cool pic of the bay bridge88. do you like it when people play with your hair?ahhhhhhhh yea90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?uh like just when i shower every day lol92. have you ever been drunk? YEAH haha i got drunk for the first time last weekend on the beach with percy i was all giggly and it was so fun and good94. favorite lyrics right nowgod i. don’t know i haven’t listened to stuff in so long96. day or night? night98. favorite month? october for sure100. who was the last person you cried in front of? i think my family when i dropped a pyrex full of lemon rice directly on my toe and it hurt REALLY bad

#ask #long post #about me