#bc i was so convinced that he couldnt love me if i transitioned in any way | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

notjennyfromtheblocked · 10 months

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Im deliberately sending this off anon so you can see that you arent being 'attacked' by 'Anne', and the fact youre even discussing it that way is ableist as fuck. Im going to start this by making it clear, I have BPD, Im also trans and you will not be knowing my AGAB. You are the asshole in this situation.

We're going to start off simple, you are not an expert on BPD, google and tiktok is full of misinformation and harmful stereotypes about Borderline pplo. BPD is not an 'abusive person' disorder, there is no such thing as a condition that makes you an abusive person. BPD does cause intense, deep emotions that can shift quickly and be hard to control; often this includes having intense feelings for people around them and being scared of losing them/them not being who you thought they were. Because this condition comes from trauma (usually from family/relationships) there are often amplified feelings around abanonment and betrayals of trust especially from ppl you thought were your friends. It is in fact common for some of our nost intense lifelong interests start bc of stupid reasons, but starting bc of a stupid reason doesnt mean the interest isn't genuine. Have you never done something bc your friend wanted you too and you ended it up loving it? Why is it any different bc it was a crush not a friend? BPD doesnt make you a manipulative person, nor does it make you gaslight ppl and seeing as 'anne' has a psychiatric degree Im sure he understands his condition better than you do.

Secondly, 'Anne' is allowed to be trans in whatever way he wants too, she doesnt have to bind, or pack, or change his appearance for anyone. I have a beard, long hair, wear any kind of clothes I want, have tits, have bulge, am hairy and wear a full face of makeup. Some of those things are part of my agab, some of them a part of my transition. And its not a single iota of your goddamn business whether youre friends or not. Gender is a performance and you get to choose the outfit and 'Anne' is deciding what she want his to look like.

Thirdly, you do not seem to understand that part of the reason you very clearly show yourself to be the asshole is the way you speak about others. Describing being an introvert as being more sophisticated or above extroverts is just ridiculous, you are not superior bc you dont go out to parties. I don't either, I find them uncomfortable and loud, but that doesnt make me sophisticated. You talk about 'Mike' as if he cannot be the arbiter of his own interests or relationship, that hes just stupid and couldnt piece it together if 'Anne' was 'faking'. You talk about 'Anne' like she's some master manipulator but you did everything that happened to yourself, you went to the GC and convinced them that something was wrong, you took a group of ppl who didnt know 'Mike' to 'Anne's' house to confront him, you made a callout post about 'Anne' on facebook, you tried to immediately go running to 'Mike' for damage control when your 'intervention' didnt work and you are the person that blasted it all over facebook and now tumblr. And now you are the one losing friends and family, and you deserve it, because the ppl you convinced to attack 'Anne' realised wtf they'd just done and how fucking horrendous that is. You have no evidence of any manipulation, or that 'Anne' is faking, or that 'Mike' isnt happy, you just presented your prejudice. 'Mike' and 'Anne' realise what youve done and they have enough proof to convince a judge or they wouldnt have gotten that restraining order. You are the person behaving manipulative here and everyone can see it except you.

I've tried writing a response to this so many times but I end up deleting it because when I try to explain myself it just sounds like I'm going in circles. There are tons of other asks I've tried answering and rewritten like seven times each before giving up. I've been writing over and over trying to explain like how while yeah technically Mike never told me word for word that he was T4T, when he told me I wasn't his type and then like two days later came out as trans it felt very, very much like he was coming out specifically to let me know that's why I wasn't his type. Or how I was trying to explain how look I know it might be controversial but the constant "main character syndrome" of extroverts just gets on my nerves and is supremely selfish in general and also the truth is you're just GOING to be more intellectual if you spend your free time actually expanding your mind instead of smoking pot and grinding against strangers and how someone like Mike who prefers the same free time activities as I do is just not going to work with someone who would rather party and get wasted than pick up a book, or how Anne is pretending to be trans and I know this because she isn't changing ANYTHING, and I was going to explain that the group chat was full of people she didn't know because it initially was a fandom ship discord from a show she doesn't watch but eventually when I started getting concerned yes it kinda became my "complain about Anne" vent place because nobody there really knew her well enough to go tell her what I was saying and it was a safe place for me to vent and explain why I thought she was abusive and cheating and they would actually listen instead of tell me to knock it off like others, and obviously OBVIOUSLY I thought her and I were close enough as friends she wouldn't mind me using her spare key which she kept under the doormat so it's not like I searched hard. I've written all of that so many times to so many different asks I can't even count and then i just end up deleting it because it feels pointless to even try because I know people will just keep sending asks so why bother so I never wrote it til just now unless I deleted it.

Im gonna be totally fully honest here I woke up and I saw the 99+ notifications in my inbox and I haven't been able to stop shaking because I'm so fucking angry because nobody is on my side, I literally scrolled hoping to find at least one person who was agreeing with me and nobody was and honestly I was so mad I couldn't even see and then I finally found a couple of nice asks and they were signed and I was so excited someone finally agreed with me and when I checked on their blogs they were all fucking terfs. All of the people who were taking my side were fucking terfs. And like I'll be honest with you I have two very close family members who are trans and honestly they've both blocked me recently and even though I tried to contact them they didn't respond and I seriously hate hate HATE terfs because they've been so cruel to my two family members. And I'm so angry. But then I found your ask and at first I was so angry and I tried to reply but I just deleted it because I was getting angry. But then I found more terfs in my ask and then even more hateful anons from non terfs.

But then I kept thinking about how conservatives will literally LITERALLY have Nazis agreeing with them and dig their hills in and in like wtaf how are you not seeing that NAZIS are agreeing with you? But literally the only people agreeing with me are terfs. And honestly that's the last shit I want, I luterally hate terfs. I'm not even exaggerating when I say this is the nicest ask that WASN'T from a terf so I've just. I dunno. I am freaking out because this did not go the way I planned. I knew some people wouldn't agree with me but I thought it would be more split, like some YTA but mostly JAH and NTA. And then when I saw the poll for a hot minute I thought maybe it might veer ESH but obviously that isn't the case. It's just like have you ever really cares about someone, really really cared about someone, and he says oh please don't hug me and pulls away, and then other people hug him so you think I better tell these other people "don't hug him, he doesn't like hugs" and then he says its fine and then starts hugging other people but not you? And you realize at no point did he ever say he didn't like hugging, he just asked you, specifically you, not to hug him? Well imagine that but with Mike, and he stopped wanting to hang out with me and told me not to touch him but whenever I'd remind Anne not to touch him he'd say it was fine and I guess when he came out as trans it was just easier to believe he didn't date cis people than he didn't want to date me. And there were times I thought man I wish I were a trans person so Mike would notice me, and then it seemed like Anne was doing just that because of COURSE it crossed my mind to pretend just for a little while, because if he just gave me a chance he'd realize that we are compatible. Honestly I'm just freaking out because I made this blog a month ago after sent the ask to the aita blog but then it didn't get answered so I started the blog to get all this off my chest. And bam suddenly I was bombarded a month later and it took me a minute to realize the aita hadn't deleted it. Honestly none of this went according to plan and nobody except people I fucking hate want to hear my side. And I dunno. I just don't know. Bur if the only people agreeing me with me all day are terfs then obviously I need to think things through.

#terfs dni #asks

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titsthedamnseason · 5 years

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thule!blackstairs headcanons?

yes yes!! okay i got lots of requests for these so i have a lot of options and for you i present: the au in which emma and julian were never endarkened

okay so they left ny just in time before the endarkened army arrived and were able to escape with all of the blackthorns

things went pretty much the same except this time instead of livvy taking charge it was jules and emma

they made their way to la but still had nowhere to go so they stayed in abandoned buildings and such

they still faced threats like demons just like livvy did in canon but with julian and emma they were a bit more equipped to fight them off

everyone survived in time to be saved by cameron and taken to rebel hq!!

dont yell at me for being unrealistic i love them all too much to kill them i want them to be happy

before getting rescued, though, julian and emma def def def used to like,,sneak into dark alleys and the like to make out and the poor blackthorn children are just like ‘is this really the time you guys smh we’re like five feet away from you’

they are firm believers of seizing the moment so they dont really care

when they get to the old hotel the blackthorns basically get their own hallway since there are so many of them

julian and emma take separate rooms first, at opposite ends so that the kids are in between them should anything happen but once they get older they just kind of converge to one room unofficially

cameron and livvy start dating and julian is kind of pressed about it but he supposes he doesnt mind

cameron tells julian he doesnt care if he approves of the relationship, it’s the apocalypse

julian is crushed and livvy reassures him that she cares what he thinks of the relationship

he’s a little more comforted

emma and cameron are bros

but i need to stay away from the subject of cameron bc i will never stop if i dont asdfgh

anyway thule isnt really the most romantic place but julian and emma find small ways to make it better

like the wooden board that covers the window in their room, for example

julian loves repainting it to show different scenes, the stars, the paris skyline, a romantic dinner scene, small things that emma loves and will make her smile, like chocolate or cats and cute things like that

a lot of the time he’ll just paint it without emma knowing and she’ll come back to a surprise

they also cant really take too many romantic strolls outside, but they try and make do by just aimlessly walking down the hallways for hours, sometimes on the roof if they feel like they can risk it

they really really dont like patrolling without each other but make do for the sake of the resistance

dru goes out on the same patrol she did in canon and never comes back

julian is heartbroken, he should have been with her, trained her better, not let her go on patrols at all

emma somehow manages to convince him that he couldnt have done anything about it and just as he begins healing and getting comfortable with his family patrolling again ty comes back with a broken leg

sweet ty keeps telling him it’s not that bad, it’s not julian’s fault, there’s no reason to worry

it takes julian a long time to recover but emma helps him a lot

i didnt mean for this to take such a depressing turn but here we are lets move on with an abrupt and awkward transition

they def have their own motorcycle that is primarily driven by emma

it’s highkey the coolest thing ever and they love their motorcycle probably more than is healthy

one time julian let his hair grow to his shoulders and emma was at first grudgingly accepting but when they rode the motorcycle and his hair was blowing into her face she immediately insisted he cut it when they got home

livvy was sad she couldnt style it anymore but everyone ultimately agreed julian’s usual hair was much better

there was one time that julian started acting kind of sketchy, disappearing a lot, going on more patrols, saying he had meetings with maia but emma would see maia eating in the dining hall with julian nowhere to be found, she would check the patrol schedule just to find that julian wasnt on it

she asked him about it a few times but he brushed it off, telling her it was nothing and then distracting her with a kiss

finally one day he’d left early in the morning with no explanation and emma had no more patience left for this

she passed raphael in the hallway, and he grudgingly informed her that julian had returned, there’s no need to infect everyone else with her bad mood

says you, she retorted as she ran down the hallway in the direction of her and julian’s room

when she slammed open the door(can you slam a door open?? idk but if youre emma carstairs you can), fully ready to tell julian off and finally get answers, she was stunned speechless because there was julian, standing in the middle of the room, holding a basket full of chocolate

she might have cried

as she began eating he told her how he’d been searching high and low for any scraps of chocolate, even sneaking into some of sebastian’s known hang outs to acquire some

emma lightly slapped him on the arm for taking such a big risk but it didnt have much weight behind it since she was clearly enjoying the surprise

julian warned her to hide it, that no one knew he had gotten the chocolate, only that he’d been planning a surprise, and he suspected if anyone discovered chocolate was in their headquarters there would be a war for it

emma felt guilty and almost wanted to share but not really

she did give a little to each of the blackthorns, claiming that was all they had but the kids were over the moon at the pieces they got

‘im a terrible person’ said emma after all the blackthorns save julian had left the room

‘yeah’ julian agreed, and kissed her

#kestrel-of-herran #asks #what an awkward end im sorry aszxdcfrtghj #thule!blackstairs #thule #tda #tda hc #mine #my writing #my hcs #julian blackthorn #emma carstairs

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rqs902 · 4 years

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wow im like 2 mins into the first round and they’re introducing fruit planet and im already convinced tencent did a better job at making this finale ep than youku did for snzm LOL

oof these questions hit home right away. wow xiao zhi changed a lot to become the leader he is today, someone who wants to see his band grow together. you can tell youzi has done some serious reflecting too, to call himself too unrestrained before. ughhh you can just see how much they love runze and how much he loves them. i love parents. xiao zhi really gave runze the confidence he needed and they all gave qiang ge the encouragement he needed. im surprised the suo na worked as well as it did with the disco song and im so happy to see how happy they were on stage.

LOL muji is the real one to rein in szb and is harsh on him bc he needs it. the way muji says hes not afraid to get on people’s bad side and be the bad guy kinda reminds me of huang enyu

hope hyt and xiao xiong have really learned through their growing pains (same to ljt and szb) does that mean fruit planet is the only group where the main duo’s main fight wasn’t against each other but tencent? lol i cant imagine xiao zhi fighting any of his kids? wow i still find it amazing that zhao ke can so proudly say that 熱帶低壓 was his happiest times in front of the rest of 氣運. like thats legit love he feels for 熱帶低壓 and they respect that. wowowowow hyt’s “i can be strict towards myself, but i gotta let go for them” is like the ultimate lesson for micromanagers and he’s learned to believe in and respect his teammates and not feel like he needs to control everything. good for him.

maybe im just biased but the pitchy-ness of 氣運’s singing (xiao xiong and ma zhe /cough) just bugs me so much ugh it makes me sad bc the song is nice and id like to add it to my playlist otherwise, but i cant listen to this without frowning at the vocals. to be totally transparent, I didnt like the 午睡 song much at all (sorry ljt TT) and disco is not my style (sorry fruit planet) but at least the fruit planet perf was fun. im just kinda disappointed by these perfs in general :\

tencent putting the order as fruit planet first and 午睡 second and 氣運 last is a sign they already know 氣運 is gonna win... bc fruit planet was first place last week but if they go first that puts them at a disadvantage aka no one will be a match for 氣運 lol

lol wat is this intro video.... the plushie fruits hanging from their suits LOL im gonna have to go look up footage of their busking!! watching this second perf... this is a song i will add to my playlist :) i just love seeing xiao zhi jamming out like hes enjoying it from the beginning to end, and i esp like the contrast when wsh switched to his drum set and the part where youzi sang! his vocal tone is such nice contrast to yrz’s. and i love how theyve figured out how to incorporate qiang ge’s suo na into their music. i will say it was kinda messy in terms of runze’s rhythm and they messed up some of the lyrics but for the amount of time they had to prepare im happy with this last perf :’)

aw idk how i feel about ljt voicing that he’d rather do a band than be a soloist... but LOL MUJI a gentle but cruel real talker lol okay. who came up with these intro videos wtf????

OMG I CANT BELIEVE THEYRE DOING “I WILL MISS YOU” ARE THEY ALLOWED TO DO THIS SONG??? omg omg thats such a attack in the feels tho wtf this is such a throwback ugh i still remember this song from when zyx and ljt performed it on the first mrzz and now ljt’s bringing it back? omg but it has so many memories from the first mrzz kids and wow idk how i feel about this. i mean i know its HIS song so he’s perfectly entitled to perform it but its wild bc this song is so mrzz1 its kinda strange to bring it back for mrzz4. like does it feel like the mrzz1 kids are being replaced? or maybe i should take it like ljt is singing it in their honor and bringing it back to where he began. lol like zzn and mby know the lyrics bc theyve performed this song themselves before :’) okay so the beginning was a tiny bit pitchy but ljt is the best singer compared to everyone else!! the way he sings 揮揮手 with such power is so oof and i still just love his vocal timbre. one thing i like about 午睡 in particular is that none of them are trying to fight ljt to be a vocalist, which is unlike the other two group, and i think its nice that he can just be trusted to handle the vocals and it keeps it cleaner bc hes a capable vocalist on his own. im happy to see muji on bass too bc its cool he can be so versatile. LOL LJT introducing everyone in the middle of the song i love him hes so funnn. i will say, the arrangement of the song felt a little frame-heavy? idk if that phrase is the correct way to describe it, but i felt like there wasn’t enough sound filling the song, but jym is really jamming out in the background (im so happy whenever i see a glimpse of his drumming smile) and ljt is carrying with the vocals in the foreground. maybe its just bc im not used to this arrangement so it sounds strange to me. AW ljt going to zzn and mby to get them to singggg and AWWWWW muji running to yingge, sam, tyler, ruiyang they look soooo happy to hug him aawwwwwwww i love roommateesssss and also i still see them as this crowd of misfits who dont really fit in but can find solace in each other. can you imagine what wouldve happened if 太空餐廳 had stayed in this race? wild, i feel like they couldve made it to the end too. LOL ljt really treating this like a finale on a concert, such a pro LOL. OMG IM SO HAPPY TO SEE MAOMAO TALKING AND LJT TALKING BACK, i looove their friendshippppp awwww

wait i just had a random thought, but are the clothes they’re wearing like their own clothes? bc some of these 氣運 kids have a flashy wardrobe if so LOL

omg xiao li’s written 78 songs for 氣運????? LOL CAN WE TALK ABOUT THESE INTRO VIDEOS BC 氣運 ‘S WAS SO NICE WTF HAHAHAHHA its so biased???? like wtf were the first 2 intro videos nonsense, and then you get to 氣運 ‘s and theirs is all artistic and pretty and dramatic and nice???? what???? hahahhahaha oh my goodness they even shipped hyt a drum set in the middle of a freaking grassy field wtf

okay i honestly think xiao li is the best singer in 氣運, maybe im biased but even he started a tiny bit pitchy but he adjusted quickly and his voice is just so nice and he puts a lot of care into his vocals even while playing piano!

unrelated to the music, but honestly i thought i liked xiao li with short hair better but i do like the bangs he has framing his face here. i just prefer the back of it to not be so long LOL

WOW i said all that about xiao li’s voice before xiao xiong started singing (and i immediately wished xiao li would sing again.. oops sorry to xiao xiong, but he gets off key easily when singing soft and low contrast pitches) and then xiao li SANG THE CHORUS AND WOW his voice is so nice i like it so much!!! i really hope he feels satisfied with this perf, as its their last perf and hes said before that he couldnt face their songs straight-on yet. wow i just have to go back and listen to him sing the chorus again wow the way his voice sounded on "傷心" OOF.

what is zhao ke looking at when he raps? lol i feel like hes always looking off in a random direction but maybe im just not remembering correctly. but also the vocal effects they put on his mic make it hard to understand what he’s saying? but he also sounds like he has an accent. I dont know much about zhao ke like where he’s from or anything, but im curious if thats just bc of the vocal effects or he actually has an accent.

UGH im sorry but then xiao xiong starts singing again and hes still off key and im still cringing..... i mean id noticed he was pitchy in previous episodes but this episode seems particularly noticeable?? im not sure if its bc they did any autotuning in the past but idk xiao xiong’s kinda not doing so great today :\ also the transition from zhao ke’s rap to xiao xiong’s singing was weird??? okay xiao xiong is fine once he starts projecting and puts more strength behind his voice, and then his vocal color is pretty nice! but prior to that....

lol am i think only one who thought it was weird that they recorded the guitar solo instead of having someone play it live? was it xiao li that played it on the recording? also zhao ke outside of rapping is basically a accompanying bass vocalist at this point lol

im happy to see hyt being so happy jamming out back there, but his drum set is legit WILD.

i know xiao li isn’t super popular but i wish people could acknowledge that 氣運 would be nothing without him. ugh he does so much for their music and sound, look at how much he was involved with in the credits for this song gosh.

thank you to nana for voting for fruit planet, even tho we could kinda guess she would. but honestly not voting /cough/ is basically voting for 氣運, because everyone knows theyre gonna win the popular vote sooooo

XIAO ZHI IS A TOTAL DAD NAMING HIS KIDS, staking his claim to xiao xiong, runze and tyler L O L its cute that he told them they dont need to grow up

also can we talk about how xiao zhi said fruit planet wouldnt be here without youzi.... yooo their friendship is so real

LOL xiao li yelling at hyt REPEATEDLY that hes a flamingo LOL

im really torn about his hair length, still thinking about whether i actually like it.....

these are the superficial side thoughts that are going on in my head as i watch this show, yes.

OOF qianye saying qiang ge is 優秀, not just his suo na aww i love seeing qiang ge laughing at pengpeng’s yelling at him and getting all this love and encouragement bc it feels like its taken him a while to open up but im glad he really seems to have

i like this yelling segment, will have to go look for more clips of it

wow this last performance really giving a visual demonstration of the group splitting is kinda sad for 銀河 bc they dont get to show up until the very end and theyre not even one of the last groups standing oof but also gives you a visual representation of how it’s been especially difficult for qiang ge, muji, and zhao ke, and also the others who had to go through group splitting.

muji and sam smiling at each other at the end is all i need to see to smile.

LOL ZZN’S WELCOME TO WJJW IM CRYINNGGGG rip

aw im kinda surprised (but not) that fruit planet came in third loll what can i expect from tencent. but also its nice but also sad to see them cheering for themselves. i think they knew they wouldnt win but i think they deserved better

lol the fact that they had a banner for 氣運, and 氣運 won by like a HUGE margin, lol everyone already knew who would win

lol can we just talk about how all the kids and teachers are just like in their own world talking and hugging behind the kids giving their winning speeches LOL they give no effs to this live broadcast LOL

LOL IS THERE ANOTHER EPISODE NEXT WEEK BASICALLY?

LOL THE THIRD ANNOUNCEMENT IS LITERALLY A PLUG FOR MAOMAO’S CONCERT HAHAHHAHAHHA THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH 氣運, BUT OKAY HAHAHAH

well its over. now i can go watch the recording of yingge’s livestream from sunday without fear of spoilers LOL

honestly looking back, this was a good show. i started it not really thinking id get invested bc i was also simultaneously watching snzm and since snzm is an idol show i knew id naturally get more invested in that. BUT these mrzz kids have really grown on me. theyre good kids and theres lots of talented kids among them. im curious how wjjw will deal with having 3(?) bands to promote now, but who knows, im just hoping to see more of fruit planet, ljt, and xiao li’s music in the future. i went into this show for ljt, and i came out of it with more music on my playlist (which is always great) and a high appreciation for xiao zhi and xiao li. hoping to see more of them in the future!

#rants #i appreciate how much this show focused on their bonds and friendships as groups #cant help but wonder whats next for these kids but im looking out for xiao zhi and xiao li and of course liao juntao :)#FRUIT PLANET BEST GROUP

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aplaceforthesoul · 7 years

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Anonymous submitted:

19/f I broke up on Wednesday the 22nd of feb. i had been with my boyfriend for over 4 years we were the happiest until tuesday the 21st when one of his friends called him and told him I had cheated on him over the summer when I went to europe with my friends. The only thing that happen this past summer was the fact that one of my guy friends has always supposedly felt something for me. But he’s an ass and i would never do anything with him nor date him. Ever. He texted me a couple of times and I was very stupid and thought that because it was my graduation trip I could not be unfaithful but ahhh idk the thing is i was a bit flirty and that was wrong. When I came back to mexico from europe my bf saw my phone and he saw the convo. He literally fell apart. Bc he knew before that this guy had always been around and he hated him for always being nosy and trying to get between us. In august we talked about it, obviously I begged for his forgiveness bc i knew I had done something wrong. I was wrong for being flirty and to allow the conversation to keep going but that was all it was!!!

I told this to my bf and he decided to forgive me and “let it go”. We had been dating for another 5 months or so and as I said before one of his friends over heard a conversation my guy friends that were in europe while I was there were having and he told my bf what he had heard. My bf told me he had to talk to me on tuesday so he did. He bluntly asked me If i had cheated and I literally said NO I DIDNT. He immediately said i dont belive you. I started crying I was devastated to think that he could actually think I was capable of doing somethig like that and even if i had that I would have the guts to keep it from him for all this time. I told him on tuesday that I couldn’t be with aomeone who could think so little of me and someone who couldnt trust me. We were both devastated and crying. He told me he was sorry for doubting me and he believed that I hadnt done it. He left my house and we didnt actually get to Any conclusion. On wednesday we texted and I told him i had said everything I needed to say so when he was ready to talk he could tell me and I would gladly hear him out. That same day at night he came over and as we started talking he started crying like he seemed so frustrated with his head like he could not control what was happening in there. He said he couldnt do it anymore. That his insecurities were past that and right now what he needed was time to put his mind in order and not be all judgmental and not trust me. I told him I agreed and i respected that he wasn’t comfortable and neither was I. I didn’t deserve to be with someone who doesn’t tryst me and he should be with someone he could trust. We cried for like an hour amd he told me how in love h was worh me that he wanted to marry me, he couldnt imagine live without me, he could mever have

PART 2. He could never have enough of me and he would think about me all the time. Etc etc etc. I decided not to retain my feelings because i knew if i was going to break up and I didnt tell him about everything I felt I was going to regret it afterwards. We kissed, we hugged, we didnt end on bad terms. I am having such a hard time because he is the love of my life I cant believe everything ended because of a lie, a lie he couldnt put my word before his friends and would not put me first. I understand this may be whats best because if he was having such a hard time the relationship wouldve ended worse? The thing is i keep telling myself I have to get over him and just move on but deep in my heart i know i would give anything for him to forgive me, trust me in order to get back with him. I know he needs time. He needs time to think what happened and make sense out of it. I do think once his head is a little less asdfghjkl he will understand he was dumb and he loves me. But I cant fathom the fact that we’re over. Idk why but i just think this is all a bad dream and his just going to call me tomorrow to pick me up and just be like we were on monday that we were the happiest. I know i shouldnt call him not because of pride but bc i really didnt do anything wrong (other than flirting a bit but he knee and frogave me about that already) and If i call him or text him he might think I feel guilty and i felt the need ti get things straight but I did that already.

So i dont know know to convince myself that its over and I wont get back to him. What do you think will happen, i am having the worst time. And i mean through out the day ive been hanging out with friends to not think about that so much and ive had a good time but when im alone in bed i just cantZ and Ive dreamed about him every day since we broke up. U dream that he talks to me and tries to get back. Ive also dreamed about us if we had never broken things off. Im just having a hard time i dont want to expect anything but something inside me does expect him to take me back. I forgot to mention he is 21, he is actually very mature but he has always been the guy that worries too much about everything so i see where he is coming from but still. His friends are the kind if guys who would tell him yeaah dint worry lets get drunk blah blah and I really think he needs a real friend to talk to to get some sense in to him and not even for us to getting back together but someone who actually hears him out and gives him good advice. Thank you i’ll wait for your response and I’ll try not to die in the meantime.

hey there <3 the way you ended the relationship was honest and mature, I’m really proud of you for being able to do that (: I completely agree with you -- you don’t deserve to be with someone who can’t trust you, someone who could think so little of you! I think you did the right thing by ending the relationship, I really do .

you only ended the relationship 3 days ago! sometimes it can take weeks and months to finally move on -- this pain isn’t something that will disappear overnight, give yourself time to grieve and to start to heal. it’s natural that you feel disorientated at the moment? like you were in a relationship with someone for a long time!! and now that has all changed, it’s going to take some time to adjust.

keep yourself busy and spend time with friends like you mentioned? try to keep some order and stability and routine with things -- like if you always have breakfast then keep on getting up each day to have breakfast, if you always have showers at night then keep doing that. your life has just changed a lot, and keeping up with routine can help to make the transition a bit easier.

take away things that remind you of him (trust me constant reminders in your life of someone never helps!), listen to music that makes you feel good, take it one day at a time. this pain will ease, things will become easier to manage, it won’t hurt so much. talk to friends about all of this, don’t keep it bottled up!

maybe in time your ex boyfriend will understand in time that what he did (ie. not believing you about not cheating) was dumb, maybe he will clear his head! but in the mean time? focus on you, focus on doing what is best for you. much love <3

- tash

#advice #submission #fanmail #breakup #19f #heartache

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