#at the very least now i am awARE

[yongseungkim]

.

#bruhhhh im literally doing the same things to my current friend group that i did to people in high school bruhhh #how do u stop the cycle </3 it is endless #at the very least now i am awARE #but the awareness doesnt hit until im out of the actual social situations #within the moment i feel quite overwhelmed and excluded no matter what i do #i think for me its harder cuz im just also more introverted #so other people might see my quietness as like idk oh maybe she doesnt wanna talk right now #while im seeing things as why am i not being talked to right now :(( #its hard i want to show up for my friends a lot of them are graduating #but every group social event makes me feel more and more alone and i have stopped being able to control my emotions in the moment #like just the knowledge of like #if theres only space for 2 people on a sidewalk i'll be that third person trailing behind #and like its always me #groups of three make me uncomfortable #i dont have the confidence to insert myself in a group of two like ever #which is part of the problem for sure #and its like im quiet so even if i insert myself it'll just be me doing NOTHIGN #and saying NOTHIGN #which like ACHK #been getting bad at fighting these thoughts more and more by the day #the onLY thing thats different is my logical side she is #way louder than she used to be before i just gotta learn how to listen to her #in the MOMENT #its always afterwards where shes like told ya so #im doing more for myself too now though really really dont want life to repeat itself for the nth time #seeing a therapist rn who feels a lot better than my previous ones so im holding out hope #told me to list things i like about myself and i was like uhh how about things i value <3 #and she was like no LSDKJF #its so tricky cuz like the things i value i dont even necessarily like about myself #i value honesty but honesty if misdelivered stings and i think ive done that one too many times

[twinstxrs]

so much happened in this whole episode but i’m still on fig infiltrating ruben’s dream, making it look like the place where his friend was murdered, and then disguising herself as kipperlilly & repeatedly saying different variants of “somebody needs to take the fall for this, and it’s not going to be me. it’s going to be you.” while adaine as the elven oracle shows up next to her. can you imagine waking up from that, the idea of a horrible truth being pinned on you by your friend to save her own skin while the personification of fate and destiny stands there, almost as a promise that this is GOING to happen to you. we don’t even know if this kid is guilty. my god.

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #fantasy high junior year #fig faeth #ruben hopclap #lucy frostblade #the rat grinders #adaine abernant #kipperlilly copperkettle #watching fig terrorize him like girl!!! we don’t even know if he’s guilty!!!! #this might just be for me but i do not think 5 teenagers willingly brutally killed their friend idk #like there just has to be some other element to it and i am very scared to find out what that was #what if they were put in a position where they felt there was/there was no other choice… like oh my god #my comedy brain is having fun but my ‘this is a teenager’ brain is in such deep distress all the time this season #the rat grinders i trust brennan to not make u cartoonishly evil so i am holding u as gently as i can in my confused shaky hands #also with the devil’s nectar i’ve been wondering why they all seem so well-adjusted & now i’m curious if they’ve been intentionally- #changing their memories in a way so that either the trauma is lesser or they think they aren’t guilty. idk #but it seems like from how gertie was talking she was making it more recently so the well adjustedness from early jy doesn’t quite add up #they could have another source maybe??? idk i’m just low stakes 4 a.m. spitballing here #there’s also the strong possibility that they’re aware of what happened but they weren’t the ones who killed lucy. idk who knows #the way you could probably devil’s nectar yourself into believing it wasn’t your fault someone died… CRAZY IMPLICATIONS!!! CRAZY IDEA!!! #anyways the bad kids & the rat grinders don’t ever have to like each other but i do wonder if at least some of those kids deserve a chance

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Names revealed and returned. (context)

[First] Prev <--> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #red vs green saga #ouyang zizhen #jin ling #lan sizhui #lan jingyi #Nameless red disciple #*Tin can crumpling sounds* #[The Nameless Red Disciple] has forfeited their name. Ouyang Zizhen is green now. #Thank you to everyone who participated in the poll! Everyone campaigned very hard! I am glad to see the final result was rather close B'*) #Nameless red disciple is sticking around still but to a lesser extent. They need to go on a gender quest now #I hope most people saw the red vs green poll. Or else this is even more wild and wacky than intended #This comic changed so many times and I'm still not sure it's as funny as I hoped it would be...oh well. #Jin Ling may one day need to go on his own gender quest but thats many years in the future #for now JL is so out of the loop on everything. He is aware gay people exist and thats it #I was looking back at old comics and noticed that LSZ and LJY were frequently standing drawn very small in the bg reacting to things #so heres a little throwback to that era B*) #This fills in for the part where the juniors fight the living corpse hoard. So there's at least a sliver of canon timeline going on #We're getting so close to the end of season 1! In retrospect I have spent too much time on this arc *even with* cutting out several comics #it's all a learning process!

[appallinnballin]

i found out very recently a distant cousin of mine living in Palestine is still alive and well, contacting another family member after regaining wifi access who then contacted my immediate family and me. i ampraying and praying that does not at all change for her and many, many, many other residents.

fuck isr*al. we raise our voices to keep Palestinians’ from being silenced.

#very very valuable to provide help in any way you can and even the least you can do by just spreading awareness will help #and boycotting WORKS!!!!!!! it WORKS! #its four am and I just keep thinking about her and her own family. i didn’t even know she lived there #and it heartbreaking all the same. may allah help them all #free palestine #cease fire NOW #apple bapple

[niallandtommo]

.

#dammit tinder dude is actually really pretty and nice and kind and he's tall!!!!! #but he has a cat 😭 and he loves his cat very very much (which is adorable) #and i know it sounds absolutely ridiculous but it's actually a really big problem for me gkskfs #not only am i allergic but i also do not like cats #(also he doesn't live in my city which isn't ideal but at least he works in my city and he has a car so i can ignore this for now) #but fuck what do i do #am i ready to pretend that i like cats when i meet him? #can i just ignore something that will be in his apartment 24/7? #that is literally the only thing that i don't like about him and i'm aware that i'm being stupid and unreasonable #but how is this supposed to work gkskf #i really like him #and this doesn't happen very often #so i feel like i should just go for it and see what happens #but also hELP

[vvelegrin]

i'm really enjoying pathologic 2, actually. i mean, i didn't think i wouldn't enjoy it as much as i was worried it would just, i don't know, muddy the water. and maybe it will, but i'm not really bothered by that anymore. that said, i do think patho 2 took a fairly unsubtle game and increased its unsubtlety by about tenfold.

well. calling og pathologic 'unsubtle' doesn't feel quite right, but i'm not sure what word would feel right. maybe it's 'distinct in its sensibilities'. I think og patho felt more obtuse, whereas patho 2 is like. here. take it. do you get it. here is the information. do you see the themes. i am announcing them to you in such a way that you know that i am saying something thematic. i'm not far enough into the main story of 2 to be able to say that there's less reading between the lines, but it feels very much so far like there's less reading between the lines. whereas the original had a somewhat different... i don't know, affect? it felt like a hostile workplace where everyone recited shakespeare about even the mundane. in patho 2 nothing feels mundane in the first place, everything feels loaded in a way that og patho was but didn't feel, if that makes sense.

but i think that's okay. at the very least, it feels very much like leaning into the 'theater' aspect of it, which is enjoyable. pathologic 2 feels to me more like... bonus content? not to be Stuck Up For Pathologic HD but i enjoyed the feeling of grinding my face against a cinderblock, having to tease out information and conclusions. it felt like a game that you had to figure out, but you actually weren't really doing any ground-level figuring out of much; you're not a doctor, your character is, so the puzzle of Solving the Plague belongs to The Story, whereas the question of What the FUCK is This Town's Deal is your job. it's a very linear game in most respects, but all three playthroughs come through as a thematic package deal.

i so far get the impression that pathologic 2 can be played on its own and be enjoyed in its own right! however it exists to me as like. director's commentary. i'm really liking the playing with different character relationships and alternate things, the expanding of steppe language and the kin, love my worm guys, but i like it because of how it enriches my eternal mind rotation of og pathologic. sorry guys i played the original pathologic and it broke me and remade me in its image. sorry.

#sorry to be the quintessential 'guy who played pathologic and now doesn't stop thinking about pathologic' #i'm having a lot of fun trying all of the different things in marble nest though #i do worry in general that the inclusion of sprinting and fast travel will really fuck up my flow #the walking feels SO much slower now so while i was content to plod along in the original i feel like there's not a middle ground #so it feels a bit contrary to it all that i'm sprinting everywhere and just chugging bottles of water and calling it good #though at the very least it does seem like it will take some of the weight off of the 'route planning' aspect of the original #which was. honestly a load bearing part of... gestures vaguely #and i understand why people don't like it! i think that's a very reasonable thing to not like #having a game on a time limit that requires you to walk slowly across the map multiple times #i don't know what brainworms it activated in me but i quite enjoy it #on paper i should not like this game but here we are #that's not true. i play a lot of Bad To Play games for the story. #but 'guy who has no sense of time' playing 'time limit: the game' is... well i'm not arguing at the results #so that's my main Thing that i 'dislike' but even that word is too strong #i don't dislike it as much as i am keenly aware that i will have to play the game differently and i Don't Like Change lmao #that said these are preliminary impressions as i'm only about 4-5ish hours into the main game #pathologic

[cozymochi]

never wrong 💃

#cozy texts #twstposting #(for context anyway) #love that for me [dances] #but lowest of lowest of low keys #if they’re gonna give longer and longer breaks inbetween crumbs of actual progression #and little to no substantial distraction events in between #they may as well wrap it up now lol #Cuz the longer the wait in between the more folk end up stewing in their thoughts #and the more elevated ppls expectations get as they’re forced to reflect longer #even then the loooong periods of nothing kinda wreck the flow in this climate where folk would rather binge. #and with media literacy being dead the responses can only get more extreme from here. #But who am i to say i dont even play that version i just get tangential awareness. #mildly twst spoiler related but no overt mentions. #Either way it’s def a scenario where the medium is starting to work against the ambition of their lil’ plot. #Or at the very least because of the breaks the flaws of the release format are getting a lil more noticeable each time. #Its giving….steven bomb. #It’ll probably be a better sit when it’s just aaaall out and can be viewed as a single 10 hr package. #arc fatigue set in and the nibbles of tip toeing forward can be a bit #immersion breaking. i think.

[captn-lovelace]

i’m a fat bitch on both zoloft and adderall so needless to say i sweat enough for 10 ppl. and im moving to arizona. in the summer.

im actually so excited to live there but dear god, living in a hot climate, specifically arizona, is something that has occupied my mind to the point that it was a common topic of therapy 😭 like what if i show up to a professional event covered in sweat 💀

#this was easier before i was this fat. bc now when i sweat like a mf im so aware of what a fat stereotype that is #and unfortunately it’s a very accurate one for me at least. so i’m always like oh god ppl around me are gonna think i’m a gross sweaty fatty #even tho like…… i am lol. and that’s ok #i have a bad habit of like not showering for a week and i def can’t do that anymore if i get sweaty!!!! #how will i have the energy to shower daily #oh good and the fact that i’ll wear shorts most of the year!!! bc it’s hot!!! but shorts kill my inner thighs 😭 #i so prefer pants #im gonna die yall

[navramanan]

I lost my accent 😨

#in my first year in germany people here would point out my accent or say they could tell i was austrian by my accent #in this past year new people i've met have said (upon me telling them i'm from austria) they couldnt tell i was by my accent #i am still aware that i dont sound german so theyre wrong on that part. like i've been very conscious of my accent since i've moved here 😭 #but maybe they assume i'm bavarian? it's the same dialect after all. although i can tell austrian & bavarian apart #other germans often cant i've realized. as i have once heard from one that theyd just assumed i was bavarian #i dont know what any of this means btw #it was expected that my accent would at least wear off a bit. that's natural #and not that deep! except it is bc who am i now ☹️ #nesi rants

[dummerjan]

Masha Gessen in an interview with Yuri Dud

#masha gessen #climate change #yuri dud #вДудь #vdud #i've watched this part of the interview last night and finished it in its entirety just now #but i am still stuck on this small segment (which the link leads to) #they perfectly put how i feel and why #the existential horror and feeling that this is it #that i am going to be here for the final days #and seeing people around me go on with their lives as if people my age weren't facing down global collapse in our lifetime #i wouldn't be this worried at least not for myself if i were 50 #20 more years is gonna be umcomfortable but probably doable #but 50? i don't want to be around for that #and that is just thinking of the climate crisis from my very lucky and privileged place of residence #i look at those younger than me and those still being born and i feel like screaming and crying #which is where my antinatalism comes in but how on earth are can anyone around #and consciously (while well aware of the crisis we are already experiencing) decide to reproduce condemning their children #it's like inside of me is one neverending scream of existential terror

[xannerz]

roblox death noise

#vigo's pancreatitis is better now btw #he's bounced back really well and i cannot overstate my relief #but the entire ordeal and vet bill broke me #*i* haven't bounced back from it #like i've already been shouldering a lot and that made me snap lmfao #so i've just been like moseying along day to day waiting for the evening so i can go back to sleep #talking takes too much energy. so does just. yk. emoting like an average ass person lmao #i feel like terrible company. idk #cant draw cant write cant exercise can barely walk my dog #and i hate it b/c it feels like i'm fishing for excuses #ive had therapists tell me i'm very self-aware and i dont mean that in a 'i got a good grade in therapy' type of way LMAO #but in the 'if i know then i know then why am i here spinning my wheels and boohooing' type of way #like despite my own bad habits i wanna consider myself a person who has at least some hope and ambition #but i've just been super like done. lmaoo #but lately i just cant. i cannot envision a future for myself. not w/ the way things are. #these are things that *should* be independent of me but aren't. so i get roped into taking care of things. #over and over and over and over again. for over 10 years LMFAO #anyway i'm just vaguely whining no advice is being requested ty : ) #xangoeswah

[milkweedman]

eating my dinner of one squashed heirloom tomato which i dropped shortly after picking it, sliced with salt and pepper on it, with chopsticks and while standing in the middle of my room

#was very good to be fair #i love tomatoes...... #i am hoping my stomach doesnt reject it but anytime i eat anything it dedicates the next several days #to trying to kill me for fun #and now to get crossfaded perhaps. i got discount edibles but they dont have cbd which is perhaps what lets me sleep thru the night #rather then sleep for approximately 1 hour n then wake up in extreme pain and lay there until its time to go to work. still in extreme pain #least favorite part of my life right now for sure #was not worth the heavy discount #man that was a good tomato..... #im so fucking hungry rn bc i have not been able to eat for a While but also very aware that Eating Hurts #sighhhh. its fine. i am over it. #my sole pair of jeans is currently too loose to stay up. luckily my shorts have a drawstring #i should honestly just put drawstring closures on all my pants... so much more comfy

[butchsenshi]

i keep forgetting the dni-archive guy kind of sucks ill be looking through the bonus posts and be like Wow i agree with like exactly half of this

#they rbed the Most Annoyinv Tumblr User poll which i am very aware now is at least half trans women who have opinions lol .

[numerous-bees-in-a-skin-suit]

* gets possessed by an art idea *

#voltron #voltron: legendary defender #art wip #digital art #lance mcclain #okay look #i am very aware i am working on several different things right now #but i was working on a diffrent drawing and this one came to me #so I had to at least start it before I lost it #altean lance

[unproduciblesmackdown]

billions(tm): it's incredible how we just provide a little snippet of material designed to be "guy we all want to push down the stairs immediately somehow" and through this amazing acting alchemy it becomes gold. electric. magnificent. we can't get enough so we will just keep writing this loser character and the actor will somehow keep bringing the dazzling transmutation through his ability

actor will roland: [is aware autistic people are real]

#this is at least half humorous in several ways lmao but also like fr... #winston billions #will roland has pretty much said he is aware that autistic people real. and not [ppl's utterly off the walls assumptions abt what Defines #Autism or what an Autistic Person is like and how you would Know] #i don't think that Billions(tm) would be very much better at that than re: say; taylor's being nonbinary (surprisingly alright yet. u kno) #quant kid 2 could've been anyone but writing Winston is like so certainly the common deal of the inadvertently autistic character #drawing from all the autistic people allistic ppl encounter all thee time without being aware & deciding they're annoying / jerks / too #weird to live too pathetic to die / grating nerds / Funnily Odd in a way you deign to merely raise an eyebrow or scrunch your face at.... #so on so forth. ''oh you know Those People we all know who are just Like That'' #and deciding they must be ''just like that'' b/c they're either too arrogantly rude &/or clueless / Unaware to be neurotypically superior #also do not get me wrong lmao big old proponent of Did You Know That? Actors Act. Now You Know #so of course yes will's acting is off the shits i mean here i am am i right. and he is using it when he is acting. #the acting talent Is off the shits. the tiniest moments they give him & he CRUSHES KILLS it really is amazing i'm not waving it off at all #cue twitter randos so betrayed when kelly aucoin is not dollar bill & is like ''yes in my acting job i'm playing this fuckin asshole'' #meanwhile i'm still following the interviewer who a) asked will anything abt billions b) talked abt the immediate striking intro of will's #as quant kid 2 And the immediate draw of / effervescent dynamic between winston & taylor. Someone Who Gets It #anyway it's like will can fathom that actually the people who are Always ''acting wrong'' w/their bad grating vibes no matter what they do #are not always Those People(tm) who We all know & loathe right....thee magic of knowing winston can be someone fully earnest #and of course always actually trying; & having perfectly comprehensible wants & needs. damn how's he doing that #bringing a certain je ne sais quoi to this Insufferable Loser Nerd material! so we don't mess with the process. #i.e. we will only ever let his role get dunked on forever b/c sure can't fathom anything else anyways. our Correct characters could never.. #only tuk; adjacent in wrong nerd loserdom; can be his friend. rian who is correct but zany with it can be his abusive friend

[dormont]

also the pokemon in the voidlands being apparitions fits well with ttb lore teehee

#bwark #so historically as of psmd in the timeline it was believed that the pokemon found in dungeons were real #so after going to the voidlands and learning that every pokemon there is a phantom it's proposed that more research is done on existing #dungeons in the real world #and espeon and umbreon being the top dungeon researchers that they are learn that the pokemon in regular dungeons aren't actually real #either and they only become tangible forms after bonding with rescue teams through shared aura from battling #the leading theory is that dungeons are sentient and do this to protect themselves #and this is all common knowledge as of the ttb era #also before anybody says anything i was catching up on the rogue team last night and now i am aware that something very similar was done in #that comic and i promise it's just a coincidence LMAO #ive had this idea for a few months at least and i hadn't read those pages before last night #it was my way of avoiding the town vs wild conflict that's a theme in obt. respect to obt for tackling that but i'm personally not #comfortable with doing my own take on that and i feel better about them not being real at first #tbh it fits more with ttb's themes of connection and identity #like pokemon like dexter despise the way they were created because she feels she has no identity #but the pokemon that come from dungeons are a lot more humble and are just grateful to be alive