#bruhhhh im literally doing the same things to my current friend group that i did to people in high school bruhhh

[yongseungkim]

.

#bruhhhh im literally doing the same things to my current friend group that i did to people in high school bruhhh #how do u stop the cycle </3 it is endless #at the very least now i am awARE #but the awareness doesnt hit until im out of the actual social situations #within the moment i feel quite overwhelmed and excluded no matter what i do #i think for me its harder cuz im just also more introverted #so other people might see my quietness as like idk oh maybe she doesnt wanna talk right now #while im seeing things as why am i not being talked to right now :(( #its hard i want to show up for my friends a lot of them are graduating #but every group social event makes me feel more and more alone and i have stopped being able to control my emotions in the moment #like just the knowledge of like #if theres only space for 2 people on a sidewalk i'll be that third person trailing behind #and like its always me #groups of three make me uncomfortable #i dont have the confidence to insert myself in a group of two like ever #which is part of the problem for sure #and its like im quiet so even if i insert myself it'll just be me doing NOTHIGN #and saying NOTHIGN #which like ACHK #been getting bad at fighting these thoughts more and more by the day #the onLY thing thats different is my logical side she is #way louder than she used to be before i just gotta learn how to listen to her #in the MOMENT #its always afterwards where shes like told ya so #im doing more for myself too now though really really dont want life to repeat itself for the nth time #seeing a therapist rn who feels a lot better than my previous ones so im holding out hope #told me to list things i like about myself and i was like uhh how about things i value <3 #and she was like no LSDKJF #its so tricky cuz like the things i value i dont even necessarily like about myself #i value honesty but honesty if misdelivered stings and i think ive done that one too many times