#at my school being gifted usually implied you were a little neurodivergent and bad at socializing

[pantestudines]

having a "former gifted kid" type mental spiral

#i say this because the spiral is actually about how much i hate the word and the general culture around giftedness #mostly because its incredibly inconsistent between schools so people often mean different things when they say it #but also because in my specific case its certainly not a gift but like. what am i supposed to call it. #its literally a neurodivergence in my case that has had many effect postive and negative on my life. but its also a school club. #and its also nothing! before the advent of like modern standardized public education i wouldve just been a curious kid #Without modern public education im not sure i wouldve even been different from other kids. maybe a little socially awkward still but idk #and like. Am i really different from other kids? am I now as an adult different from my peers? Occasionally i will get told as such #how the fuck am i suppose to talk about how much being seperated from my peers and held to higher standards sucked #when the name of the reason why this happened might as well be 'gods specialist little boy' #none of the things that make people think im smarter are really all that useful day to day. and most non-gifted people are like. still smar #i happen to be good at memorizing the kind of facts schools test you on as children #but is that just because i was told as a kid to be good at school and so i tried hard to do that? #even if I am uniquely good at that #does that really make me more intelligent than the high school dropouts who can fix cars like its nothing? #in fact i would say they are at least wiser than me for picking something practical to be smart at #at my school being gifted usually implied you were a little neurodivergent and bad at socializing #often our gifted kids were actually failing classes because they were smart enough to realize they didnt matter #(not me but still) #but at some schools being gifted just means you were an avid reader or were pressured by your parents to maintain perfect As at all times #so if i say. wanted to talk about how being 'gifted' has often made some aspects of academia like hating emails and having time blindness #and not having a good friend network and having many unadressed issues around not really knowing how to make friends #if i wanted to talk about that. and i say 'I was gifted growing up and this sucked' #the person on the other end might hear 'oh woe is me im so smart and this makes my life so hard' #AND FURTHER STILL #on tumblr especially 'former gifted kid' has kindve become parlance for 'guy whining about nothing' #or even 'person who they were told was smart but is actually kinda dumb' #which... yeah! theres a reason many former gifted kids are like that! thats kindve my issue with the program in the first place! #it takes otherwise relatively normal if well achieving kids and tells them they are gods specialist little children. #THIS CANNOT BE HELPFUL TO ANYONE? like whatever chance the kids had at seeming normal has been stripped away #and they now also think they are the smartest person in the room in every situation

[stories-of-the-multiverse]

So... Darnell made me research his condition-

((So. I just started looking into migraines and chronic migraines, because up until now, I’ve only been Darnell’s migraines on my experience with migraines, but intensified, but.

Bruh, migraines can be worse than I fucking thought. Especially chronic migraines.

Apparently a symptom you can get from migraines is dizziness, nausea, and even vomiting.

Holy fucking shit-

Like, I had a headcanon that Darnell wasn’t in Pico Vs. Convict because his migraine was so bad that day, that he had to skip school, but jesus.

Bruh. I did not know migraines could be this bad, mine were always so fucking tame. Like. Mostly annoyances that at worst I had to go to bed for.

This could also go on to explain a few things about him.

For example, in Pico Vs. Uber Kids, their teach Mr. Flacit says the trio was chosen because after the shooting, the school’s best was dead, so they had to settle for those three. That is despite all three of them being above average intelligence. [This was measure by the outdated IQ method, but follow me on this.]

Now, while Pico is above average intelligence, Pico’s father is implied to be neglectful, and the lack of support from your parents can make your grades suffer.

Nene has “superior” intelligence, but she’s also go ADHD, and let’s be real, schools, especially back when the games were first made, aren’t exactly very... accommodating to neurodivergent children. Especially those with attention span issues. Plus. Anxiety and Depression. They are also bitches.

But Darnell... He has “gifted” intelligence. He’s smarter than both Pico and Nene. And I doubt this school was exactly for the best of the best, because. *wildly gestures at it* look at how badly it’s failed to even protect their students. Hell, some of the policies actively endangered the student body. Remember how the only school exit Pico could get to was chained and padlocked? To keep kids from leaving before school was over???

And as far as we can tell, from what little we know of his family, Darnell had a caring mother, and he’s not confirmed with any learning disabilities, or similar disorders that could make school difficult.

Except. For chronic migraines.

If the migraines were bad enough, it could have made focusing on school damn right impossible. If he could go at all.

[The trio did also experience some major trauma with the events of Pico’s School and Pico 2 at least at that point, and trauma can affect your grades, but I don’t think they took recent grades into account.]

And let’s be honest. Grades are a shitty way to determine a child’s intelligence.

And as for the poster that’s kind of a running joke-

While he still could be full of shit characterwise, If his migraines are bad enough to have him missing school, then it could either be a school rumor he took advantage of for his campaign, or he’s just fucking around based off of his condition.

Could the migraines themselves really be that bad, though? How bad are chronic migraines?

Chronic migraines are defined as at least fifteen head ache days a month, with full migraines at least eight of those days. And the pattern persists for at least three months. At least from I’m reading on ClevelandClinic.org.

According to Mayo Clinic there’s actually a lot of shit that can happen even before a migraine happens.

One or two days before, you can get symptoms like a stiff neck, food cravings, mood changes, constant yawning, aaaand bodily excrement issues I am not saying, thank you.

And then sometime before the migraine happens, or even during, some people get this thing called an aura which can last of to an hour. They’re usually visual disturbances, but can be other disturbances. They can be seeing spots of colors or shapes, outright vision loss, pins and needles feelings in the limbs, weakness or numbness in the face or a side of the body, or difficulty speaking.

The migraines themselves? They can last between four hours and three fucking days. And aside from terrible fucking headaches and nausea, they can make you more sensitive to light, sound, and even smells and fucking touch. Holy fuck.

And even after the migraines past, they can leave you drained. Like genuinely exhausted and even confused for a day.

Yeah. Basically they fucking suck.

What can cause them?

Well, general migraines, either stress, sensory stimuli, sleep changes, physical exertion, medication, food [salty processed food, aged cheese, and food additives, as well as skipping meals] and drinks [alcohol and caffeine], and even fucking weather changes. [For women, hormonal changes are also a factor.]

Chronic migraines though?

Again, medication, mood disorders [IE depression, anxiety, etc.], on going disrupted sleeping patterns, excessive caffeine intake, and physical and/or emotional trauma. I believe family history of the affliction is also a factor.

Now possible triggers for general migraines for Darnell?

Stress is a good one. Especially now a days.

Sensory stimuli? Considering he enjoys fucking with fire, light for sure. But I’d argue smell has to do with it too, considering fire accelerants? Probably smell. Not to mention what he makes his bombs out of. And spraypaint. Can’t forget spray paint. Sound probably works too, seeing as his FNF sprite has headphones. He could very well put those on to block out noise when the time calls.

Physical exertion? Especially now a days, yes.

We don’t know shit about his medicine intake or his eating or sleeping habits, so I can’t make comments on that.

As for what may have caused it to be chronic?

We don’t know much about his family, so we can’t say too much on that. Again, same with medication and sleeping habits.

I doubt his mom would have just given him coffee, maybe soda? Who knows.

There’s no confirmation or even indications in canon there’s anything up with him other than his pyromania. And that’s not a mood disorder. As far as I know.

Trauma, though?

Wellll... divorce is pretty traumatizing for a child. And it’s confirmed that his parents are divorced.

Probably not helped by the shit he has to deal with in like. Middle school.

Man. Research is fucking great. It gives you more ways to make your muses s u f f e r .))

#OOC #Headcanon #Darnell #Pico's School CW #Friday Night Funkin' CW #NewGrounds CW #School Shooting CW #Referenced School Shooting CW #Death CW #Mentioned Death CW #Vomit CW #Mentioned Vomit CW #If I need to tag anything else lmk #But yeah holy fuck Darnell- #rip-

[olivish]

Some thoughts about Melanie Cavill and her beautiful mind. 

I agree with others that Mel is neurodivergent/ autistic. I think this helps explain her passion and focus, and also why, in S1, she was so adept at “putting on a mask” and pretending to be someone else. Basically, I think she had been masking in some way or another her entire life, so when the time came to create the “Hospitality Melanie” persona, it was already second nature. 

I think this also explains why it took Melanie so long to see Wilford for the monster he is, and why he was able to control/ manipulate her for most of her life, despite her superior intelligence.  On that note, here are some of my MC HCs (I hope it goes without saying, I don’t mean to imply that anything described below is necessarily an “autistic” trait. This is simply how I imagine Melanie the person, who also happens to have autism.)

1. Before meeting Wilford, Melanie struggled to find her place in the world. She dropped out of high school because she was bored with the lessons and couldn’t be bothered to complete assignments. She had no friends, and most adults wrote her off as a trouble-maker.

Her family was poor, so she “borrowed” things they needed for the farm (some of them rather LARGE things), which earned her a juvenile record for theft. 

2. Because of this, Melanie believed she’d never go to college. That was fine, she thought, she wouldn’t fit in there. She didn’t fit in anywhere. The only person who didn’t make her feel like a misfit was her father, John Cavill, who was a patient man who loved farming, and who taught his daughter everything he knew about the trade. 

It wasn’t long, however, before John ran out of knowledge to share. Melanie was 8 when her father took her to the local library. “So,” he said. “What do you want to know?” 

“Everything.” 

From that moment on, John watched his daughter surpass him in every subject, every field of study. It was hard, not because he was prideful, but because it felt like he was losing her. But not completely. At least, not yet. 

Because for years after that, Melanie would seek her father out, and she’d talk at length about the topics that interested her, and he listened, enjoying her company, even after he ceased to understand a single word that came out of her mouth. 

I mean that literally. 

“Certains nématodes posent problème en agriculture parce qu'ils parasites des plantes ou des animaux d'élevage, mais la plupart stimulent la croissance en améliorant le cycle des nutriments.” “Mellie.” “Oui, papa?”  “You’re speaking French again.”  “Oh. Sorry.” 

3. Melanie’s mother was a different story. Shanon Cavill, nee Shanon O’Connell, was stern, intelligent and, due to an undiagnosed mood disorder, emotionally unstable. She’d lose her temper at the drop of a hat, and although she loved her daughter, she didn’t understand her. Shanon didn’t understand why someone so brilliant was throwing her life away. Dropping out of school, getting arrested, fooling around with boys, and girls, who didn’t care about her, and who only got her into trouble. 

Shanon said many words in the heat of many moments that she could never take back. Foolish. Reckless. Lazy. Quitter. 

The day Joseph Wilford showed up at the farm looking for Melanie, Shanon peered at him through the porch screen door. “Did she steal something from you?” she asked. “Because whatever it is, we can’t pay you back, so you’d best just leave before I let the dogs out.” 

Looking back, Wilford deeply regrets not heeding the lady Cavill’s advice. 

4. Melanie saw Wilford as her missing piece. Melanie always knew she was “bad with people”. To her, human beings were confounding black boxes.  INPUT > [???] > UNEXPECTED RESULT, USUALLY BAD. 

But Wilford. Joseph Wilford was a social magician! She watched in awe. Everyone adored him. He’d tell a joke and everyone laughed. Anything they needed for their work - funding, IP rights, permits, materials, labor - he procured through sheer force of charisma. 

He was just like her, except he had that one missing piece. 

It was the apparent gap in their interpersonal skills that led Melanie to conclude that she could never be a leader like him. That’s why she allowed Wilford to take credit for her work, why she believed him when he said it was better for all involved if she remained a ‘silent partner.’ 

That’s also why she never tried to run Snowpiercer as herself. Despite having all the skills, Melanie couldn’t imagine anyone would follow her leadership. 

(I think she was wrong about that...) 

5. It was Wilford who sent Melanie to college, and it was Wilford who coached her on how to “mask.” As a sociopath, nearly all of Wilford’s social interactions are theatre. They have to be. So when he met Melanie, he immediately saw what her problem was - the silly girl wasn’t acting! 

So he sat her down one day and gave her a gift. “A chess game?” she said. 

“Not a game. This box contains the secret to the universe.” 

She smiled, but he was serious. As Wilford set up the pieces he explained, “This is the whole world. Every type of person you’ll ever meet is here. Pawns, knights, bishops. They all have their rules, their own little scripts. The trick is, figure them out, while revealing nothing about yourself.” 

She didn’t understand, but in time, she would. Wilford taught her how to survive, but not as herself. He taught her to hide, to blend in, and to trust nobody but him. 

And it worked, to a certain extent. Melanie earned degrees from MIT and Yale, graduating with the highest honors, lauded as a prodigy. A recruiter from NASA asked if she’d be interested in applying for the astronaut program. Elon Musk asked the same thing, but he offered more money. 

Melanie could have worked anywhere. Done anything. But she went back to Wilford, partly out of loyalty, and partly because she believed he was the only person in the world who truly knew her, and saw her, and valued her for who she was. 

They weren’t lovers, but Melanie considered him just as close. For many years, he was her one partner and closest friend. 

6. When Melanie got pregnant with Alex, she was afraid she’d be a bad mother. She worried that she wouldn’t have that mysterious ‘maternal instinct’ that seemed to come naturally to other women. She thought maybe she was “broken” in a very particular way and shouldn’t be a parent. 

Those worries disappeared once Alex was born. More than that, Melanie’s deep connection with Alex made her consider that maybe she’d underestimated herself. In motherhood, Melanie found courage. She built stronger friendships with Ben & Jinju, and she began to interact with Wilford on a more equal footing. 

She started speaking up about things she never dared interfere with before. She didn’t like the company’s environmental practices. Their anti-union stances. Their parental leave policies were atrocious. Wilford was beside himself. He didn’t recognize her. He couldn’t wrap his mind around what happened. 

At a loss, Wilford blamed his catch-all word for human behavior that fell outside his bounds of understanding. 

“Sentimentality.” 

7. When Melanie lost Alex, she lost faith in herself. It wasn’t just the grief, or the guilt, though those were enormous. Melanie understood now: Alex was her missing piece. Alex was the one thing that made Melanie feel like she could do anything.

It cannot be overstated what a colossal blunder it was for Wilford to return Melanie’s superpower to her. He thought he was being clever in saving Alex, but from the moment Melanie blew up Big Alice’s connector and Alex gave her that grudging look of respect, all bets were off. 

Melanie remembered who she was. The awakening started with Layton, but it ended with Alex. 

Final thoughts: Melanie’s particular neurology has been a hot-button issue in the past, so I’m a little nervous posting this. Please reach out to me with any comments or concerns. Everything here is written with an open heart in good faith, and while I’m allergic to argument, I am addicted to discussion. <3

#Snowpiercer #fanfiction #hc