Tumgik
#at least ive been going to the woods almost every chance i get. it hasnt given me the power to write but it's been good for me i think
orcelito · 9 months
Text
Honestly hate how hard it is to start writing again when you've gone too long without it. Like for fuck's sake man Why's shit gotta be like this
#speculation nation#daydreaming of the early discacc days when i wrote 70k words in 3 weeks. those were the days...#im just... so tired and wrung out and everything is so fucking hard#im barely even Doing anything besides working. my apartment is in horrible shape rn.#what is it about grief that makes life so hard to live man. you lose a cornerstone to your life and suddenly everything is in shambles#and i know he wouldnt have wanted this for me. for me to be Barely functioning bc my brain has been so bad in response#im alive im going to work im feeding myself and showering every day#but i havent been doing the dishes i havent taken out the trash theres Stuff all over my floors and cat messes i havent cleaned#and i dont have the energy for any of it. i get home i eat and then i climb into bed. rinse and repeat.#im just... tired. im so very tired.#i keep wanting to turn to my hobbies to cope with things but it's so fucking hard to stick to#constantly oscillating between manic moods where i think i can finally start moving on (but i dont have the focus to do writing)#and depressive moods where Good Fuckin Luck doing anything besides laying in bed#if you couldnt tell im in the second boat right now. in bed as we speak. and so i shall remain until it's time to go to work#at least ive been going to the woods almost every chance i get. it hasnt given me the power to write but it's been good for me i think#get out of the apartment. experience nature. pick up a snail. you know how it goes.#i kinda feel bad for entering a fandom and trying to dig out a place for myself and Kind Of succeeding#i have a good handful of followers. people who wanna see more of my analysis and fanfic#but i havent posted anything significant in like a month bc i have belonged to the void. all month.#losing family will do that to a person i guess. doesnt stop me from being frustrated though.#negative/
4 notes · View notes
blookmallow · 5 years
Text
so i met the prince of madness, discovered some Weird Shit, and made another character despite never using the second one i already made 
Tumblr media
---
Tumblr media
i was minding my own business walking down an abandoned corridor and suddenly im in this mad tea party in the middle of some spooky woods
Tumblr media
OH !!! FUCK
Tumblr media
what a LOOK
Tumblr media Tumblr media
i had to help a guy dealing with his tiny, tiny personification of courage getting beat up by Self Doubt and Anger i could NOT make this up if i tried 
Tumblr media
sheogorath also gave me these clothes apparently bc i had them for some reason. this is incredibly silly 
Tumblr media
SO I WENT ON A MISSION WITH FARKAS AND UH
Tumblr media
APPARENTLY MY FRIENDS HAVE BEEN WEREWOLVES ALL ALONG. THE MORE YOU FUCKIN KNOW
i legit did not see this coming at ALL but im a lil annoyed that i got tricked into joining the werewolves but seem to not be allowed to join vampires (i know if you get attacked by a vampire you have a chance of catching vampirism from them but like. vampires are mostly just Enemies like bandits or w/e) 
farkas says the. silver hand or whatever they’re called are “bad people who don’t like werewolves” but arent they doing the same thing the dawnguard are doing. i dont understand the werewolf/vampire lore in this at all like
vampires are mostly just enemies, there’s a league dedicated to hunting them who seem to be mostly considered heroes, the guards mention these hunters positively, they recruit openly in whiterun
vampires seem to be pretty universally hated and considered evil
but the companions, a pretty highly respected guild, are all werewolves (it’s probably not totally common knowledge, but they are, ) the werewolf hunters are depicted as the bad guys, every werewolf ive met so far has been a friendly npc / at least someone you can hold a conversation with, while every vampire has been just an Enemy
the companions seem to be able to control their werewolf powers and transform at will rather than randomly, but the guy in falkreath cant control it and murdered a child/is outcast by society 
so i guess “its ok to be a werewolf If you can control it” seems to be the verdict here but then i havent seen anyone claiming its ok to be a vampire if you can control it?? i dont know skyrim’s vampire rules but usually they’re able to survive on animal blood or by like, consensual feeding that doesnt take enough to kill the host. werewolves and vampires both can’t necessarily help what they are but it seems like way more of a choice to become a werewolf. i guess vampires Have to drink blood and werewolves dont Have to hurt people but they cant. help that 
idk theres some weird double standards going on here and as a person who loves vampires and doesnt care for werewolves im just :/ 
Tumblr media
farkas might also be in love with me now 
(ive read you Can marry him but he hasnt noticed my amulet of mara despite. saying shit like That :’) im not rly interested in him tho. i like him but i dont Like him like him. hes maybe second on the list of ‘If I Had To Pick A Dude’) 
Tumblr media Tumblr media
i found two of the same guy out in the wilderness
like. its hard to see here but it was, im pretty sure, the same model, twice. the same voice. the same lines. it was very strange :’) im guessing theres probably a pool of random hunters/travelers/bandits/whatever you can run into that just sort of get generated into the world and. something went wrong 
Tumblr media
i dont remember what we were talking about but i suggested Why Not Simply Eat The Soul Gem and she was delighted by my innovative ideas. im on a quest to retrieve a spoon for her that she somehow lost halfway across the country. i love her
Tumblr media
i just figured out who she reminds me of she is absolutely tannis,
then i also made another character despite the fact that i already never use my khajiit but shh
Tumblr media Tumblr media
this is amaranth shes horrible and shes on a mission to Wreck Everyone’s Shit 
she has very faint swirl tattoos on her face and i wish id made them brighter, i liked the subtleness of it but you effectively just cant see it ever 
not that it Really matters so much what my characters look like since u cant see them 90% of the time but Listen
i can fix it when i get her to riften i guess though
anyways she wants to be a powerful mage, has No morals, wants to kill every last imperial for what they (almost) did to her, but doesnt really support the stormcloaks either, just supports Herself and Chaos 
shes not trying to just Murder Literally Everyone In Her Path but like. is basically looking for Any excuse to kill someone. doesnt want either side to win. just wants to watch the world burn. probably going to join and betray Both sides
Tumblr media Tumblr media
i dont remember why i murdered a guard (i remember it was in belethor’s shop so i probably tried to steal something and failed) but anyway, i murdered a guard, and can just like. walk around town wearing the clothes i stole off his corpse and nobody minds 
they minded very much that i killed him lmao but i gave up trying to fight the guards bc more kept coming so i just took the jail time and now im forgiven, I Guess, 
seems like owning a full set of guard armor, which includes a helmet that obscures your face completely, would be a great way to disguise yourself to do crimes but i dont seem to be recognized as a guard wearing this/people still know who you are somehow 
im not sure how much awareness npcs have of what you’re wearing like i get comments about my stuff sometimes (’lightly armored means light on your feet! smart!’ ‘favor the bow, eh? im a sword man myself’) but then no one seems to care if im walking around wearing vampire armor and a weird cultist mask, so
4 notes · View notes