#at least i have therapy tomorrow

[teehee]

do u ever mourn urself

#tuna.txt #damn!!!! #at least i have therapy tomorrow

[painedprince]

((Woke up w an anxiety attack. Not sure if it was the horror let's play or my actual real life but 👍

Pls send fluff to. Any of my blogs, really.))

#ooc #at least i have therapy tomorrow #because holy christ this week has been hell #emotionally anyway

[incrediblesweatermachine]

i am so fucking psycho jesus christ. be normal

#at least i have therapy tomorrow

[dnnsrynlds]

say what u want about the show but the friends theme song is so true

#i literally want to dig a hole and hide in it for a couple weeks #at least i have therapy tomorrow #i can try to dig deeper

[ruvviks]

PLEASE DO NOT TAG AS YOUR OWN OC OR PAIRING.

Nathan and Ruben share a bond more powerful than most; mutual understanding through past experiences no one should ever have to go through, and through past actions so horrible they cannot be spoken of. Their grief and the blood on their hands binds them to the STEM technology they created, which has alienated them from the rest of the world— but they give each other the comfort they have both longed for so desperately for years, and that is all they need. They are each other's counterpart; you cannot imagine one without the other, like two sides of the same coin. Through their pain, their grief, their desire, and their regret, they have become one.

anna akhmatova, the guest // bones; equinox // 'i won't become' by kim jakobsson // agustín gómez-arcos, the carnivorous lamb // by oxy // achilles come down; gang of youths // czeslaw milosz, from 'new and collected poems: 1931-2001' // 'extended ambience portrait from a resonant biostructure' and 'migraine tenfold times ten' by daniel vega // a little death; the neighbourhood // marina tsvetaeva, from 'poem of the end' // by drummnist // katie maria, winter // 'nocturne in black and gold the falling rocket' by james abbott mcneill whistler // micah nemerever, these violent delights // body language; we are fury // 'the penitent' by emil melmoth // chelsea dingman, from 'of those who can't afford to be gentle'

taglist (opt in/out)

@shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @hibernationsuit, @stars-of-the-heart;

@lestatlioncunt, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman;

@celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister;

@killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree

#tew #edit:nathan #nuclearocs #nuclearedits #so much shame in my body but still used my taglist but um let me know if you want to be excluded from oc/ship web weaves #just really wanted to share this one because i'm very proud of it and i want it on my blog. so. :] #recognition of the self through the other + wanting so desperately for the other to be deserving of a second chance #because if there is hope for them than there is hope for you etc etc and so on. that's the core of their dynamic i think #they understand each other on such a fundamental level that no one else comes close to because they are in so many ways the same #like how in in the first game leslie could sync up with ru/vik and all that? nathan would be a VERY good candidate for that as well #and it makes me insane!! and then the added layer of nathan being lead developer of mobius' new and improved STEM system #which makes him the same as ru/vik AGAIN but in like. the way that they're both men of [computer] science #and there's the fact they both have a dead sister. they both killed their parents. they were both mobius playthings for YEARS #and they've happily killed and tortured during all of it. they're angry they're out for revenge they're completely disconnected from #the normal human experience and they're working with what they have. and then after all of that is over then what is left? #their story focuses on them picking up all the pieces. everything that's still salvageable at least. and try to start over in a way #they cannot be forgiven for what they've done but they can move on from the past and do different in the future #there's still things left undone and left unsaid... in my canon at least. i know there's not gonna be any more games. it's fine #anyway they end up going to therapy and then they get better they're not a doomed couple they just like being dramatic #if you read all of this we can get married tomorrow if you'd like

[gently-decaying-flowers]

i am going to deeply regret not eating much tomorrow

but for some reason the thought of packing my lunch makes me want to rip my skin off so i’d rather not

#tw eating issues #tw body horror #kinda #tw sh related #tomorrows gonna be fun #is it bad that i can tell? #at least i have therapy so that’s nice #:)

[galaxythreads]

something good happened. something good finally happened. why do i feel so desperately miserable? i should be happy and i was, but now just want to go to sleep forever.

#going to go cry myself to bed - again - like a champion #👍 #me as person #vent #funny how i don't have the energy to do anything but cry right now even though crying is one of the most exhausting things on the planet #but i mean hey #at least i'll be asleep right? #god i need more therapy #i think tomorrow will not be a high energy day and i will be stuck in bed until work. yay.

[theygender]

Fucking forgot how locks work today for some reason and dragged a maintenance guy all the way over to my apartment only for him to have to look me in the eye and tell me I was turning my key the wrong way. Fuck my stupid baka life

#i had literally been gone for less than an hour and in that amount of time i just fucking forgot how to use a lock #it didnt even OCCUR to me to try turning the key the other direction before i went and got maintenance #someone please dig me a grave to crawl in its OVER for me #i am 26 YEARS OLD NEXT MONTH and i have been using locks every single day for AT LEAST a decade #HOW DID I FORGET 😭 #had to reschedule my therapy appointment for this and shes gonna ask how it went when i see her tomorrow #and now im gonna have to tell her that i FORGOT HOW LOCKS WORKED ahdsjjsj... #rambling

[seariii]

Hum...

#im just thinking... im okay tho /gen #just thinking about the words the bestie said to me after I told him about my mental health... #particularly a phrase... he just said 'you are already committed' and when i asked what he meant he said 'to life' #its just... idk... it was impressive and had such a weird feeling... sadly i guess i am committed........ 'sadly' huh.... #sigh another important thing was that it was crucial i went back to therapy... i dont really want to tho... #but 'youve been feeling like this for a long time you need help' ... sigh... what i need is... #the future is so scary... sigh... okay #ill put an alarm to wake up earlier tomorrow and work on that! #seari talks #what i need is adderall- jsjsjsjsjs yeah... alr im sleepy time to mimir #tomorrow ill catch up with everything i missed too #also if anyone reads this dont worry pretty person! i got a bit scared/upset up there but its okay #im quite stable right now! at least enough to survive for a couple days! so yup! #miiiight have to look up a new therapist tho... since aside from help i wanna get a diagnosis.... #sigh... but okay that's not for rn seari it's for future seari. rn seari has to go mimir because shes tired #a mimir a mimir pat pat pat

[antisocialxconstruct]

.

#ourghfhfjd god trying to post through it like a proper irony-poisoned millennial but therapy really fucked me up today =_= #I'm always like 'yeah i struggle with entitlement and grandiose delusions sometimes but at least I'm self aware about it' #but having someone actually outright verbalize ''this scenario you're describing where you've already earned everything you want in life #and you're just waiting for everyone else to figure that out and give it to you... it's a fantasy. Life doesn't work like that'' #has me like -clutching head- nooooo shut up shut up shut up shut up!!!!! #great headspace to go back to work tomorrow and continue to bust my ass for poverty wages. I'm gonna be so fucking pleasant

[millenniummmbop]

rivalshipping is about healing to me but like in a “well-meaning yet still ill-advised codependency” way

#*pulls down projection screen and extends my collapsible pointer stick thing* #Yugi was a lonely kid with unresolved anger issues who went too far w the whole revenge fantasy thing #until The Power Of Friendship TM mellowed him out and he finally landed in a more emotionally stable state #*clicks to next slide* #meanwhile kaiba over here is ALSO a lonely kid with unresolved anger issues who ALSO went too far w his own fucked up revenge fantasy #*quickly shuffles through slides of Death-T* #but two mind-shattering comas later and yugi at the very least was willing to bury the hatchet and try to start over again #the whole 'kaiba vs peg sus' fiasco was where everyone finds out kaiba's motives up to that point and where it all finally clicks for yugi #*clicks to next slide to reveal the 'he just like me fr' meme but it's yugi crying on the balcony inside peggy's castle* #it's after this that yugi starts thinking 'Well friendship fixed ME so maybe it can fix HIM too' #*clicks next slide and hits play on the embedded video* #Yugi: good morning kaiba-kun! nice weather we're having today huh? #Kaiba: I'm going to beat u in the face and in the ass #Yugi: haha alright bud I'll see u at regionals tomorrow #Yugi said so himself that he wanted 'friends he could count on and who could count on him' (paraphrasing) #i think he saw this mess of a human being recklessly barreling towards the edge at 100 miles an hour and said #'yeah this looks like something i can personally fix' #bc he's the type of person to just selflessly shoulder a mountain of burdens if it means helping someone he cares about #like his heart is definitely in the right place but i don't think he realizes that kaiba also needs like #therapy and mood stabilizers or some shit #*a voice rings out from the back of the class* #'op they had like 10 minutes of conversation MAX over the entirety of duelist kingdom this is literally all in ur head* #no no the groundwork is there for all of this i PROMISE #lion king rafiki voice: look harder #like yes i'm delusional but i'm also RIGHT #(⓿_⓿) #ignore me

[theworstcreature]

*gets bored and starts reading Wikipedia articles at you*

#my hobby fr #honestly just reading shit like that I general is fun #I have this really old dictionary from like 1942 #and once I spent like an hour just skimming over the new words section #just like enjoying it and thinking about how maybe once upon a time that WASNT a word everyone and their grandmother knew #I can’t believe that word meant something completely different than it does now #also a little fun fact I learned from that: #transgender folks (or at least trans femmes.. that’s the only entry I remember seeing) existed and were known enough to make it into the #dictionaries back then #also there was a form of hormone therapy that existed back then with transgender women being mentioned in its definition #I don’t remember how it was worded #nor do I feel like going and opening this dictionary rn #but I could probably find it tomorrow

[worm-in-a-trenchcoat]

Absolutely hate hate hate talking on the phone. It should be illegal.

Hate hate hate it 😭

#had an issue with a chewy order and got an email saying to call customer service in order for them to ship the order #for like security reasons?? #and I was totally expecting to get a robot person not an actual person #so when dude answered the phone and asked what I needed help with I panicked #and I was so nervous and I think he could tell kfjfkfk #cause I gave him the wrong email at first #and when he asked for my name I only gave him my first name at first until he asked for my last name 😭 #and the. he asked for my address and I only gave him like my house address not my area code or anything until he asked for it #and I kept apologizing and he was like ‘it’s okay’ in a very nice way which was nice but also awful #and then I hung up too early 😭 #like he asked if I needed help with anything else and I said no and thanked him #and then he like kept talking and thanked me for calling and he was gonna say something else but I thanked him again and hung up #cause I thought he was done 😭 #this is gonna keep me up at night for the next 3 months jfjfkfkk #personal #tag rant #I think he was gonna say have a good night or something #idk but I feel bad 😭 #my anxiety is so high rn lol it’s 2 am 😃 #at least I have something to talk about in therapy tomorrow now jfjfjfkfk pls 😭

[emmettland]

vent vent vent panic panic try not to spiral

i know it's probably nothing i know i can't do anything about it until my doctor's appointment but like. it is really REALLY hard to tell if it's my intuition telling me it's something bad or if it's my anxiety and i don't even know if i should do a tarot reading because what if i get the answer i'm dreading and it makes me even more anxious. it's just like. these things don't happen to me?? they aren't supposed to?? bruises popping up every day on the same exact spots shortly after starting a new job is like. is that a sign?? am i just low on zinc or iron or something?? am i slowly dying?? i have to wait until next week and i might not even get a concrete answer then.

#well. at least i have therapy tomorrow lol #emmett vents #anyways back to my essay

[thedevotionaltour]

man. thinking about how my insurance is out of network i feel so fucked i have so much money owed in therapy bills. literally over 1k bc of my weird insurance happenings and also bc idk if insurance was even doing its thing before i dont know and just other various things im sure i've forgotten. man.

#and i have no insurance card picture to upload from the medicaid i had in jan-mar none at all it's a damn scrap of PAPER. sigh. #it's less an ohhh nooo me not in therapy i dont feel the way i did last year when it was really I Need To Be Here but like. idk. idk #it's more just frustrating. all of it. all of it is so frustrating the situation and myself too are frustrating me #sometimes i just wish this shit was easier. i need to remember to send info to my therapist bc i forgot to text him back #and then i got embarrassed about it instead of just doing it and i still feel embarrassed and i have to email a place back and #i have to write a cover letter and submit a job app to who even knows if the position is available anymore and i just have so many things #and im failing at all of them poorly bc im actually an honest to god failure. whatever man. #at least i maybe hopefully get to go to the comic store tomorrow. maybe that will be fun #im gonna try and pick up some issues for friends. bc that is one of my summer tasks for myself bc i like sending comics to friends. #and i should get started on that. #vent.txt #< this got whinier and more self pitying miserable than i intended ahem. apologies.

[anirudhpisharody]

.

#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much #it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with #i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown #friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any #close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it #would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely #i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with #other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too! #it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes #it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know #like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk #to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that #i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that #it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have #more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i #don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so #they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine #wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine #and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom #which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn #anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed #i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight #shut up hanna