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flyingsassysaddles · 7 years

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Top Secret: Delaware’s Clubs

(Inspired by @askaphmaine and their drawings because I love Maryland and the world always needs more Delaware in general)

Classification: Top Secret clearance needed

Subject: State of Delaware

(Warning: the following names and descriptions of memberships and close clubs of the United States of America Representative State Congress may have been altered because D.C read this just as I was about to finish and now I have to make it sound like a goddamn legal document, because god forbid a state write anything that doesn't sound like Terms and Conditions contract. But I changed them anyway because screw D.C and I can do what I want.)

Alright, so you think Delaware is some backwater state who can’t tell right from left and is a weirdo who can’t tie his shoes? You can’t find Delaware on a map because he doesn’t sound important? Do you find it odd that sometimes Delaware refers to himself in the third person? Well, I’m here to clear up some of those stupid Yankee or redneck misconceptions and make you understand how great I truly am! And to do that, I’m going to give you a list of all the clubs and caucuses and whatnot that I’m a part of! Then you’ll see how awesome and genius I truly am and NO I’m not part of freaking Pennsylvania. That’s how you spell it right? I always forget.

Okay, let’s start!

The Chicken Duo:

Members: Me and Rhode Island

Purpose: I kinda forgot, but I think it’s mostly so Button (that’s my adorable blue hen that’s an absolute sweetheart) can have a friend. Rhode has a chicken too, but it doesn’t like to fight or anything, so we can’t have cockfights like in the good old days when it was legal. I think it was to counteract the Northern Cardinal Club that just grows more and more by the day (pick something original for god’s sake). And the Turkey Club, but all they do it make turkey puns.

The I-Don’t-Have-A-Single-Mountain Club:

Members: Me, Louisiana, Florida, D.C sometimes, Rhode Island, and Mississippi

Purpose: No idea, but hey I’m in it! I’m number one cause I’m the most um, flat I guess? I ain’t got any mountains at all, and California keeps telling me that I’m going to be the first one to die in global warming. Yeah, I’ll make sure to say hi to Florida when that happens, Ms. Fake Nose.

The I-Was-Named-After-An-Old-White-Guy Troop:

Members: Georgia (the poor bastard), Me, Louisiana, North Carolina, South Carolina, Pennsylvania, Washington, and Jefferson when we’re feeling generous. Though we’ve been thinking about expanding it to old white ladies too because Maryland keeps nagging us and Maine is super scary when she wants to be, but then we have to change the name from old white guy to old white person, which I think makes it sound less funny.

Purpose: To talk smack about all the other states who got to be named after Native American words and just hang out I guess.

The I-Was-Technically-Named-After-A-River Club:

Members: Colorado (his name literally means red, how sucky is that?), Mississippi (duh), and Me. They keep trying to throw me out because I’m part of the White Guy Naming club, but I was named after a river which in turn was named after an old white guy. So I fit in both, technically.

Purpose: We go fishing a lot, and basically talk about rivers and stuff. Though they keep throwing me overboard and bet how long I can swim before having to be pulled out. And they say conservatives and liberals don’t get along. God, I hate being short. Oh, and we smoke a ton of weed.

The Mason-Dixon Line States:

Members: Pennsylvania, Maryland, and Me. No, West Virginia and New Jersey don’t count. Though I’m not sure Pennsylvania does either, but we can’t throw him out cause then it would be just me and Maryland, and we both have like SUPER bad impulse control, so we’d probably end up dead or something. I’m pretty sure none of us want a repeat of the skateboarding goat incident (even though that was super funny and I got stupid rich from all the bets placed against the fact I could throw a goat into a lake and it could still ride a skateboard better than Alaska when he’s hungover).

Purpose: Argue about the Mason-Dixon line agreement, fight, talk smack about everyone, and wonder what side of the Civil War we should've been on (sorry, that’s just me and Maryland, PENNSYLVANIA has it all figured out). That’s about it. We also go to parties and stuff, but I try to avoid Pennsylvania like the plague because he never lets anything go and I practically see Maryland every day.

The Democratic State Caucus:

Members: I’m too lazy to list them all, but basically all the democrat states plus me.

Purpose: To vote against the Republican State Caucus and talk about how great it was when Obama was around. (I miss Joe Biden though, my one true awesome vice-president. Obama too I guess. But JOE was awesome. He was my senator for forever you know. I have him on speed dial cause he’s so awesome. Joe, Joe, Joe of the Jungle, watch out for that Republican filibuster, PLOP. I’m getting off track, aren’t I?)

The I’ve-Been-A-Democrat-For-Forty-Years-And-I’m-Never-Going-To-Change Club:

Members: Me, Hawaii, California, Minnesota, Oregon, Washington, Rhode Island, Maine, wait, how many of us are there? Holy pajamas that’s a lot.Yeah, I’m not writing them all down. They have too much of an ego anyway.

Purpose: Just talk about how stupid Republicans are and where the country’s going. Basically, a group where you can talk about your opinions and stuff without being yelled at by Texas or the I’ve-Been-A-Republican-For-Forty-Years-And-I’m-Never-Going-To-Change club.

The Smaller-Side-Of-The-Spectrum States:

Members: Rhode Island, Connecticut, and Hawaii, and Me.

Purpose: “I am NOT short!” - All of us at once. That pretty much sums it up.

The I-Was-Once-Part-Of-Pennsylvania-Club:

Members: Delaware

Purpose: To talk about great Pennsylvania is and- wait, how did this get here? This isn’t my handwriting. What even is this? The I-Was-Once-Part-Of- GODDAMNIT PENNSYLVANIA!

The No-Counties-Club:

Members: Me, Rhode Island, and Hawaii

Purpose: To complain about our counties and ignore the fact that they only have 5 and I only have 3. Yes, THREE! And they’re all annoying (please don’t let them know I said that).

The Tax Evasion Buddies:

Members: Nevada, Alaska, and me.

Purpose: “To find a legal team to make our laws better,” is what Nevada says, but not for me, no sir. Tax evasion makes me stupid rich, and where else are all the big companies going to go? DuPont and no-sales-tax for the win!

The Am-I-South-Or-North Trio

Members: West Virginia, Maryland, and me. W. Virginia keeps saying that he’s “Appalachian” or Southern or whatever, but we’re not letting him leave cause then it’ll just be me and Maryland and again we both have like the WORST impulse control, and W. Virginia is the strictest guy I know so he has to balance us out or else bye bye humanity.

Purpose: To find comfort in the fact there are other states that feel like they don’t belong in the North/South dynamic in the Original Thirteen. Me and Maryland had it rough in the beginning, so we formed a club as a sort of “Middle” between the North and South, and once Western Virginia escaped from Virginia in the Civil War, we had three! So there’s that, I guess. Also it gets pretty lonely in the O13 if you aren’t a New Englander or a Southerner, so banding together helps. God, now I’m depressed.

The First-States:

Members: Just me and my awesomeness.

Purpose: To fulfill a dare that Maryland made that I wouldn’t make a club just for the First State (which I am) because I talked about it so much. Well in your face Mary Mary Quite Contrary, I actually did it! A club just for the First State, because I was the first person to sign the Constitution and I am NEVER letting that go. Ever. So screw the State Congress’s club rules, Delaware, the First State, gets what he wants baby. It also helps that I got all of the major lobbies on speed dial. Why? None of your damn business. *cough* tax evasion *cough*

Del-Mar-Va Trio:

Members: Virginia, Maryland, and Me.

Purpose: I don’t even know anymore. Maryland and Virginia fight like rabid dogs and they just never get along and I’m stuck in the middle of it and it’s just a huge soap opera. Last time I checked Maryland sent one of her crabs to tear up one of Virginia’s dresses and Virginia retaliated by making her foxhound follow Maryland around until she apologized, and as far as I know, that dog is still following her because Maryland’s as stubborn as a mule sometimes. I think we originally were trying to see if we could make a new state or something, unifying the whole Delmarva peninsula under one banner, but honestly, that scares me a bit. I mean, Virginia and Maryland have other territories than just the peninsula, but me? That peninsula is all I got. If we formed a new state, Delaware would cease to exist. And I’ve been through way too much crap to die in a sucky way like that. I’m going to go out in a blaze of glory with my state anthem screaming in the background with Maryland chucking crabs out of her crab-launcher and Pennsylvania screaming in terror behind me during the apocalypse or something. Now THAT is an awesome way to die.

(Executive Edit: This has been an informal draft sent to the Executive State Oversight Committee of the United States of America Representative State Congress in an attempt to “educate” the states on the committee, and to provide evidence that the state of Delaware was not, in fact, a main conspirator in the disastrous scandal now know as Skateboarding Goat-gate, and that this article proved his innocence. The trial overseen by the United States of America Representative State Congress has since found Delaware to be guilty. In turn, all of his previous writings have been confiscated and placed under high classification. - Democratic leader of the United States of America Representative State Congress, the State of California. And I do not have a fake nose, you little shit.)

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cherries-are-valid · 3 years

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✨tell me about some of your ocs✨

✨absolutely✨

So I’m gonna do my fandom (hetalia) ocs because I wanna talk about them more ((au stuff for a bit of context))

Washington DC

Human name: Diana Claire Jones

((I don’t have good drawn out ref so I’m gonna try to describe her appearance as best as I can)) She’s physically 18 and 4’9.5 (that five is very important), black with a 3c hair type, large round amber eyes, has a rectangular body type and fairly well proportioned. Her face and nose are also round and she has that type of mouth that seems to become large when she smiles in the best way possible. Hair is styled in a half up half down style with a silver clip to hold it back

Workaholic and is easily pushed around by her superiors

She’s more of an introvert and is very socially awkward. Doesn’t really help that she has a resting bitch face and is somewhat seen as intimidating despite her small size

Completely turning gears she loves gogo

Like if she has headphones on theres a 99.9% chance she’s listening to it

Don’t mention the humidity or traffic, it puts her in a bad mood

Plays the congos and drums pretty well

Rearranges her vast book collection way too much to the point where she’s really the only person who knows where things are

Somehow always becomes the baby™️ of what ever friend group she’s somehow roped into no matter what

Has vitiligo with a larger patch on her left shoulder and a smaller patch on her left hairline ((she dyes it so she doesn’t look like she’s graying))

Copenhagen

Human name: Mette Køhler

Physical age: early twenties, 5’7 and built like a muscular stick, very nice legs due to biking everywhere, strawberry blonde hair that’s more on the blonder side and it is very long and healthy, azure eyes that are in a cat like shape, heart shaped face with sharp cheekbones and a long nose that’s crooked from being broken and not healing correctly and a larger mouth with thin lips. Her hair is usually styled in a high ponytail with messy bangs and a large bow.

She’s the calm big sister type due to having to deal with Denmark’s bullshit for the past centuries despite being younger than him both city wise and physically

Don’t cross her, she’s really scary when angry, luckily that doesn’t happen much except during chess matches

She doesn’t have a good filter so she’ll casually say something really inappropriate and see nothing wrong with it ((this mainly applies to her nightlife if you get what I’m saying))

Has a really good alcohol tolerance and is a pretty good drinking buddy

Is a really passionate poet and writer. She hosts a writing club and literary magazine and sometimes helps with local plays

That being said her calm bis sister vibe can completely shatter when she’s the boss of things. Like if everything doesn’t go her way prepare to be yelled at

Really good with time management, probably even schedules her mental breakdowns

West Berlin

Human name: Evelyn Beilschmidt

Physical age: 19, 5’2, hour glass body with a nice booty and thighs, she’s a natural brunette but bleaches her hair. Like DC it’s styled in a half up half down look but more messy and with darker roots. Triangular face with a large scar going across it starting from left to right. She has light green eyes and a king nose that’s kinda pointy.

She’s pretty lazy and hard to get along with

Has a hard time connecting with people and uses her (fake) arrogance to hide how lonely she really is

Really good at figure drawing and expressions. She also draws weird stuff she sees throughout the day

Comes up with really cursed ideas at the middle of the night, however it’s her sister who carries those plans through

Speaking of which she shares a room with her sister to money on rent

Any way, she has an ever growing collection of bear stuff ranging from mugs to a life sized teddy bear she keeps in her basement

She’s a hippie and has a weird fashion taste

East Berlin

Human name: Louis Beilschmidt

Physical age: 19, 4’11, stick body with no curves but has muscular arms. White hair that’s always messy no matter how many times she brushes it, same face shape as her sister but her scar goes from right to left and magenta eyes.

She’s hardworking and easy to get along with. The person you would go to to rant about something.

Don’t talk to her before her morning coffee tho

Super good with technology and engineering. She’s the one that puts her sisters stupid plans into action

Used to personify Cölln, a city that had close economical ties with Berlin. The two became twin cities before becoming the capital of Brandenburg. When the two started to serve as the capital of Prussia Berlin and Cölln were formally unified as simply Berlin and Cölln the personification disappeared. She reappeared as east Berlin many years later with little memories of her formal life.

The only reason she’s still alive now is pure spite.

#oc stuff #hetalia #hetalia oc #hws washington d.c.#hws copenhagen #hws West Berlin #hws East Berlin #aph washington dc #aph copenhagen #aph west berlin #aph east berlin #thanks for the ask 💞#there’s more but I’ll get to them later 😌

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