#anyway i think my ear is slightly less painful & inflamed this morning..? i am going to go wash it at a much less sussy hour

[argiopi]

got the cops called on me for the most hilariously sensible reason last night

So i have a new industrial piercing (my first piercing..! i love it •w•), and it got infected because of course it did, it's a cartilage piercing and i live outside. Context i've been living in my car for the past few weeks, which has been pretty good but one of the tradeoffs is i do not have a bathroom. The piercer told me if the piercing got infected I could soak it in saltwater, so i needed a source of 1. salt, 2. water that is warm or at least not the below-freezing ambient temperature i currently exist in.

Gas stations have both these things. (I have yet to purchase salt for my occasional propane stove cooking). Only problem is it was past midnight in a rural area, so I didn't find a 24 hour convenience store until around 100 miles into my route for the evening.

At 3 AM local time the store was inhabited by just One stern-looking employee who was mopping the floor. My grungy ass walks in carrying a small collapsible bowl and immediately begins casing the place like the world's shittiest thief, looking for those little free salt packets. I looked around the (empty, no hot food at 3 AM) hot dog stand and saw only wet condiments so i circled back around to the grocery section in case they were selling salt shakers I could buy. No luck so i desperately returned to the hot dog counter in case I missed the salt, and noticed a cabinet labeled CONDIMENTS below the dog cooker, which did conceal salt packets. I stuffed a handful of them in my pocket and hoped the mopping woman wouldn't ask, then pivoted to the bathroom where I locked myself for the next fifteen minutes.

I filled my bowl with hot water which was actually cool water but at least it wasn't frigid, and mixed salt into it and held it to my ear. After a few minutes the staff, who had been understandably watching me from around corners the entire time I was searching for salt, knocked on the door. I replied "hello?" and she didn't respond, so I assumed she was just checking if anyone was in there before she tried entering to continue mopping. I finished cleaning my sad little ear and bought a bag of yogurt pretzels as a gesture of good will because I felt bad for taking her salt and taking too much time in the bathroom when she needed to clean.

Enter The Pig. I had returned to my car and grabbed my first aid kit to apply antiobiotic ointment, when an officer entered the store. Trepidation when he arrived since I knew I was being a freak, but then i thought he was just doing his own shopping, then he came back out and approached my vehicle.

Rolled down my window and he asks what was going on in the bathroom. (What if i had been just taking a long shit??). So I showed him my ear and my bowl and explained, as Alertly, Calmly, and Soberly as i could after driving for multiple hours after midnight, to the face of someone who can ruin my life with a penstroke, that I was on the road and had to soak this infected piercing. Luckily it was a confused young cop who was too bewildered to inquire much further, not an old hardass who might start asking more challenging questions such as "where are you going" or "where are you staying tonight and why are you washing your ear at the gas station and not there." He clearly barely even looked at my car - asked if i was a local when my license plate is from two timezones away - and let me go without even collecting my information.

That was the sixth time that police have confronted me for acting outside social norms. The first time was because I was plucking an invasive plant species from the side of the road and he thought I was falling when I walked up & down the slope. The second time I was walking home alone at night, and maybe someone called because I had a backpack on and they thought I was trying to rob a house. I was just walking home from the train. The third time I had been biking home in the dark without a headlight, and i fell on my face and didn't know I was bleeding until a bastard pulled up and told me someone called because they thought I got hit by a car. The fourth time was when I fell in the river last winter and i was knocking on random doors asking for directions home to minimize my risk of hypothermia, and I suppose the woman who drove me home called to send someone to make sure i was okay? The fifth time was the first time I slept in my car, which ironically was before I started serially sleeping in my car. I was falling asleep on the highway after an all-nighter so I took the next exit and took a nap in my driver's seat at the end of a random residential street before I ended up on the news, and that's how I learned suburbanites are paranoid as all hell about anything out of the ordinary because a cop knocked on my window and asked me if I was drunk (who would say yes to that question?). Now I select my sleeping sites very carefully, which is probably the most annoying thing about hashtag vanlife, but I haven't gotten The Knock again yet and sometimes when I pull into random public lands after dark I wake up to mountains I've never seen before and that fuels my soul.

Lesson learned is that if you need to snort sodium chloride in a gas station bathroom at 3 AM, just have an ear piercing and dampen the hair around it and carry a bowl around, and you've got a story that's Too Weird To Be Making Shit Up.

#seriously how do y'all stay out of trouble #I Am Just Living My Life why does that incite so much suspicion. #this time was fair though i 1000% looked like a criminal who was about to drive home under an influence #blogging #FOLKS WHO FOLLOWED FOR ART I HOPE YOU ENJOY STORYTIME TOO LOL. #I saw THIRTEEN!!!! shooting stars while driving last night #i think that is a new personal record. was there a meteor shower? surely there was. #Two of them were bright enough to leave a dust trail.. ⭐︎つ⭐︎ #mountain roads are so scary lol what do you Mean there is no guard rail on this narrow winding road that drops off into Death Zone #not to mention when there is snow on the road..? #my tires spun out the other night because i was clinging too close to the uphill side of the mountain and went off the road #in my defense i could not see the lines on the road on account of they were covered by snow #anyway i sunk deep but luckily i have 4WD so i could wiggle out without help #but the snow gripped my tires and pulled them in the opposite direction i was trying to go.. #what if i was driving on the side facing downhill and slipped off the road and the snow gripped me. #best case scenario: car is Funked. worst case scenario Death #anyway i think my ear is slightly less painful & inflamed this morning..? i am going to go wash it at a much less sussy hour #the sky is so clear and bright here... #madly in love with the milky way. #i wonder how often ppl assume ppl are sneaking hard drugs when they actually have a completely legal reason to be acting strange. #not that i'm not living on the fringes of the law rn with the whole car thing and that's the only reason i had to be weird at a gas station #but like... lives be strange and complex and human behavior is rarely as simple as it seems there is always a story!

[cakelanguage]

More Adoribull and another prompt from the Dragon Age Kink Meme! 

You can also read it on AO3

There was a beautiful collection of purple, blue, and inflamed flesh scattered across Dorian’s body. Little marks from particularly hard pinches and marks around his wrist where Bull had held him down the night before. The majority of the marks were hidden under the mage’s clothes, but Bull’s favorite, and arguably Dorian’s, was on full display. A collar of bruising around Dorian’s neck where they’d finally tried out asphyxiation.

Just the thought of the trust in Dorian’s eyes when the mage had grabbed Bull’s large hand and placed it around his neck made warmth blossom in him. And damn, Dorian was a wild thing when he wanted to be. He was willing to give anything a shot and always got excited when Bull would mention rope or ask if they could be rougher in bed. Dorian was a man who knew what he wanted and Bull enjoyed it.

“Are you going to stare at me all day or are you going to get dressed anytime soon?” Dorian asked with a smirk.

“I’ve got a pretty good view,” The Iron Bull said.

“Well I am lovely to look at.”

“And you look even better with those marks all over you.”

Dorian hummed softly and delicately skated his fingers across the mark that encircled his neck. “I must admit, it feels… different and slightly unnerving to have these sort of marks on display, but the other part of me feels wanted, desired, like a kept man.”

Bull grinned. “All mine.”

Dorian shuddered with a soft sigh. “You’re mine as well, you understand that yes? All of you.”

Bull growled playfully and stood up, grabbing Dorian by his wrists and moved them above his head. “If you actually want to leave my room at some point today, I suggest you get going.” Bull squeezed Dorian’s wrists and listened to the little whine that Dorian couldn’t contain. He rubbed his thumb soothingly against the underside. “Because I wouldn’t mind hoisting you up by your thighs and going one more round.”

“Incorrigible.” The mage glared but there was no heat behind it. “Please do.”

Bull groaned, burying his face in between the junction of Dorian’s neck and shoulders. He bit a trail up to Dorian’s ear before nipping at the lob, listening to the moan that he drew out of Dorian. Humming approvingly, Bull let go of Dorian’s hands and stepped away. “Later, you and I have business to attend to.”

Dorian let out a frustrated sigh. “You work me up and then turn me to the world, how nice. And I was going to let you rip my lacy small clothes off and everything.”

“You’re evil.”

“They’re pink.” 

Inevitably, Dorian’s markings would be talked about, Bull knew this. In fact, he was hoping for it. Maybe some of those assholes would finally see how beautiful the ‘Vint was. Probably not, but Bull could hope, right? And sure, he was a little worried that someone would assume the worst—that he was abusing Dorian, of all things, and that always served to remind him about what the Qun had said about Tal-Vashoth. But they both found pleasure in this, so Bull would handle any backlash. He was a bit gentler when it came to talking to people.

By around mid-day, Bull had received knowing smirks from quite a few soldiers, and he could appreciate that. Those were people who knew what a rough tumble was like. He’d even gotten a congratulation or two about Dorian, which was shocking because he was sure some of those people were treating Dorian like he had the Blight.

Then one soldier decided to talk to him while there was a lull in training.

“So, you and the ‘vint,” he said with a smirk.

The Iron Bull grinned. “Yeah, it’s pretty great,” Bull admitted.

“I’ll say, those were impressive.” The soldier gestured around his neck. “I mean, did you just grab him and squeeze?”

“No, Dorian guided my hand there.”

The soldier snorted. “He begged for it?”

“With not so many words.”

“Well good on you, was it nice to shut him up for a bit?”

The soldier’s tone still had that jovial quality to it so Bull thought he was still joking. “Dorian’s never quiet.” The small, pleased gasps that escaped Dorian’s mouth as he began to apply pressure to his neck, the whimper when Bull had backed off for a moment to get a better grip. Damn.

“Screamer?”

Bull shook his head. “Still a little too self-conscious for that, but he’s not quiet.”

The soldier sighed. “That’s a shame. I’m sure there’s more than a few of us who’d like to hear the ‘vint in pain.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

The soldier waved his hand. “Don’t worry I get it, you wanna leave a good impression for your Chargers, I get that. I just don’t think anyone will tell you off if you wanna smack him around a bit in the tavern or something.” He sent Bull a smirk. “Bloody maleficar deserves it anyway, trying to worm his way into the Inquisition’s good favor.”

Bull felt his stomach roll and a familiar rage creep up on him. Abuse. That’s what all those people were supposedly “congratulating” him about. They thought he was abusing Dorian. They thought the mage deserved it. Someone was getting a new asshole.

“No, you see, here’s where you’re wrong,” Bull bit out behind clenched teeth. “This? The bruises on Dorian? Consensual, discussed and agreed upon rough sex. I’m not some piss-poor Arvaarad who thinks they have to abuse a bas-saarebas to do their job. I’m not someone who feels the need to harm someone unless they’re the enemy. Even if they ask for it rough, to make it hurt, only after we discuss the limitations and what they’re looking for do we try it.” Bull directed a glare he’d usually only use back in Sehron at the man, who shrank back from him. “I suggest you get that through your skull before I decide it’s not worth it and shove Gaatlok up your ass and direct you to the other assholes who think I’m abusing Dorian and that he deserves it and wait for the fucking fireworks.”

The soldier nodded his head and quickly stumbled away from him. Good. Bull took a calming breath before letting it out in a steady stream. He needed to see Dorian.

 The library was quiet as ever, well as quiet as it could be with Red’s crows squawking overhead. Solas had only spared him a glance on his way up before going back to his painting. He was curious where Solas had learned to paint but thought better than to ask the elf.

Dorian sat primly in his chair, legs crossed, book in one hand, and the sun casting just the right amount of sunlight on the mage’s face that his eyes had started to droop. The collar of bruises around his neck were less inflamed, but the coloring was still prominent and acted like a choker. His kadan was beautiful.

He walked over to the man and gently cupped his face. “Kadan,” Bull said softly, rubbing his thumb along the apple of Dorian’s cheek.

Dorian blinked his eyes open and looked dazedly at him. “Amatus?” Dorian asked. “What are you doing in the library?”

Bull shrugged. “Some assholes were talking shit, I thought seeing you was a better idea.”

“Of course it is.”

Bull laughed and rolled his eyes. “You’re a piece of work.”

“Artwork, if you’d like to be specific.” Dorian stared haughtily at him for a moment before reaching one of his hands up to cup Bull’s hand on his cheek. “What did they say?”

Bull chewed on his cheek. Should he tell him? No point in hiding it though, Dorian would find out eventually. “Some people assumed I was… abusing you.”

Dorian’s eyes widened. “Oh… I’m sorry, Bull.”

“I was prepared for that, not everyone gets it, you know?” Dorian nodded his head. “But the thing that really pushed me over the edge was when this one soldier actually said that you deserved it.”

Bull resisted the urge to pull Dorian into his arms when the man seemed to shrink a little at the statement. Bull knew that Dorian was aware that he was still discriminated against at Skyhold, no matter what the mage had done for the Inquisition.

“But don’t worry,” Bull reassured. “I don’t think people will bother us anymore. Hopefully the guy crawled up his own asshole so he can deal with his own shit.”

Dorian gave him a weak smile. “Now there’s an image.”

The Iron Bull kissed Dorian’s other cheek. “Try not to let it get to you too much. We’ll handle it together, no way am I going to let some ignorant assholes talk about you like that.”

“Nor you,” Dorian said nuzzling into Bull’s palm. “I can stand up for both of us as well.”

Bull smiled. “I guess we’ll get to kick some ass if they don’t shape up.”

Dorian snorted unattractively. “I don’t think the Inquisitor would be fond of that idea.”

He shrugged. “I don’t think the Boss would be that mad if we explained the situation.”

“Hm… you’re right, he might join us in our ass kicking.”

“And the Chargers.”

“Bull, we want these people to be alive in the end, not another weird smear on the walls of Skyhold.”

Bull ignored that and ran his fingers against the mark on Dorian’s neck. “You really are beautiful.”

“I like where this is going,” Dorian groaned as Bull pressed a bit harder on the hand shaped bruise around his neck. “Are we continuing from where we started this morning?”

Oh what the hell, it’d been a rough morning. “Sounds good, Kadan.”

#Adoribull #dragon age kink meme #dragon age inquisition #dragon age fanfiction #my fic #dorian pavus #the iron bull #dorian x iron bull #i'm trash for this ship