#and wilbur is. SO HEAVILY REPRESSING HIS FEELINGS to stay alive because there is no room for error

[faebriel]

Ur rainduo hunger games au is just chef’s kiss. It’s so good!!!

Like niki and wilbur being friends and then wilbur disappears and she thinks he’s dead but he’s not?? And then she’s like I need to win I need to get him out of here. She’s like I am so angry but I can not show it. Like????? And her burning the forest down really suits her (I’m thinking of her burning down l’mantree) and then she hates fire but her branding is now fire +girlboss and she’s just like noooo no thank u. I’ve seen enough fire in my lifetime.

And wilbur is like a shaken up soda bottle. The lid is on tight but that does not mean that the liquid is calm. All u need is to take the lid off and it will explode everywhere. Yeah.

Anyways i love this au it is so cool!!!!

YEAH niki is such a straightforward character and she doesn't suffer the timewasting and arrogance of politics compared to so many other characters and so when her name gets pulled, she knows her odds of making it are just too low and she can't be bothered bullshitting that. she's not going to get up there and prance around for the cameras and pretend that everything is okay. it's not okay. she's not even a good liar in the first place. she has her parents presumably back home and a few friends in 12 so there's not much she can do, but there's a certain point where she just can't bring herself to participate. and then she finds wilbur, and the entire situation flips.

he is depending on her!! niki made peace with the idea of her own death as soon as her name was called at the reaping but this is an entire tidal wave of emotions that she already cannot compute. like the worst kind of grief and anger and survivors guilt. and if she loses, no one will rescue him. no one will even know he's there. and then that too, that's gonna be her fault. and even then, she gets these flashes of absolute rage...

she's so fucking lucky she has jack as a mentor to remind her of exactly the right way to smile so they can't see how tightly you clench your jaw. hbomb giving her these intricate hand braces so she can't visibly clench her fists when she talks so sweetly about winning the games and going home to her friends and making her district proud. and then she gets back to the tribute living spaces and tears her room apart in a whirlwind of burning anger, and then stays up late putting every stupid knick knack back together in case rumours spread because she needs to keep her reputation as the Sweet, Kind, Nicey Nice Girl from district 12 intact to win over sponsors.

and yea the forest fire is fucking traumatising. i can't remember if this is a canon hunger games thing or if my brain saw some fanon eight years ago and is running with it but i imagine once you win the games they slap all that megahealing shit into you so she wakes up in some private capitol hospital room and, beyond what she even thought was possible, the burns are gone. and she doesn't even know how that works but they must have done a pretty shit job because she can still fucking feel the fire beneath her skin.

you won and you got out! she gets wilbur out. maybe. but it's only really after the games that she realises she's never gonna be able to go home again. she should feel relieved to be alive at least, but all she feels is burning and a miserable, endless pit in her chest instead.

A SHAKEN UP SODA BOTTLE..... you're so fucking right KSHKDHDKD. wilbur is v interesting to me because like.... i think there's a bitter and hurting part of him that still blames himself above anyone else for getting caught. but he's been here for seven years. he has seen some horrible shit happen. wilbur has a tendency for self-hatred but he's not massively easily manipulated until someone is pushing him towards something he already wanted (thinking of how dream treated him in pogtopia.)

i think niki being reaped is a tipping point for him. like, he's not stupid. he's walked into the last seven years of reapings going not niki, and then not niki, not fundy, and then not niki not fundy please god not tommy and so on. and then the worst outcome happens, and niki barely manages to survive but only by swallowing her own voice and going through some terrible shit. wilbur saw that, he got to see it on live TV while pouring wine and retrieving stupidly rich food for stupidly rich people while he remembers arguing with tommy about whether they could eat a possum because at the time, that was their best option. it is one thing for him to be here. he has accepted that as his own fault (even if he probably shouldn't). but shoving niki through the meatgrinder? his kind, clever niki, who (in wilbur's eyes) has done nothing wrong in her entire fucking life? something needs to change, and he will bend steel with his bare fucking hands to make it happen.

now, to figure out how to do all that and actually stay alive.

the thing with wilbur that always stands out to me is that he's a character in motion. he doesn't stop. i think after being captured and having his tongue cut out and being tortured, he would obviously suffer greatly - but he wouldn't stop. his voice meant everything to him, and even though it's physically gone, part of him so venerates its absence that he cannot stop himself from trying to sustain it, to "bring it back", even if it sounds different now. even if it's all locked away in his mind. now, that is where he keeps everything he wants to say. he keeps his mind sharp over those years - reciting the names and birthdays of his friends in 12 so he doesn't forget them, tracing words across the wall when he's supposed to be sleeping so his handwriting stays neat enough to read. he's waiting, he just doesn't know for what.

and then niki is reaped. that's what.

#i kind of see nikis attitude towards the games (to start with) as somewhere between peeta in 1 and johanna in 2 #she has too many people she cares about to be as blisteringly angry as johanna but she's a bad fucking liar #she doesn't want the games to change her. and to be fair they don't change her in the way she expects #she doesn't want to have her personality swallowed up by the capitol because that is how she and her friends have always seen the victors #but after winning she realises oh. it really all is just tv cameras and hot air. #everyone from jack to the hardest career is fucking traumatised #and wilbur is. SO HEAVILY REPRESSING HIS FEELINGS to stay alive because there is no room for error #but silently he's fuming. they took a fucking lot from him but they couldn't take the belief that there's something better than this #if anything they hammered it in #OUGH. they're very. yeah #thanks the the ask mye !!! how ya doing #asks #hunger games au #aunonnies

[shadowqueen1220]

Analysis on C! Tubbo's Emotional State

Disclaimer: I am in no means a professional and I am heavily basing this off of my own experiences and general observations. (Please let me know if my wording is bad)

This is all about the roleplay characters if it wasn't clear

Warning: self harm, self sacrifice, self destructive behavior and talk of mental health and canon typical violence

Tubbo has always been a self sacrificial character. He always helps his friends at the expense of his own safety (ie disc war and L'manburg). He is a bit of an overachiever and that has gotten worse when combined with tendencies of paranoia. (all og members of L'manburg have paranoia issues, stemming from the final control room)

After the Independance War, Tubbo was involved with the elections. He made a secret bunker, saying "hope for the best plan for the worse" in case the electrons went wrong. He was proven right and then had to endure a harsh dictatorship.

Spy Tubbo was constantly under stress. He not only was secretly slipping information to Pogtopia but had his role of Security of State as well. At the Elections, Schlatt verbally abused Tubbo and scared him into following his orders. Most of the things Schlatt had told Tubbo to have shaped him into the Tubbo that internalizes and represses all his emotions. (ie don't complain, don't cry, don't talk back, agree with everything I say). Tubbo, who already naturally liked to help his friends, was forced to become a yes man in order to stay safe.

The Festival was a disaster and a huge blow to Tubbo's self esteem. The famous line here is "Wilbur said he wasn't going to hurt me" and Tubbo wholeheartedly believed that he could trust Wilbur, his former president and older brother figure. However, all he got was the fact that he was now expendable to Wilbur. His death was brushed aside and it seemed like the only person who cared was Tommy. Even Tubbo quickly became desensitized to the fact that his own pain did not matter in the chaos of the situation.

His life becomes even more chaotic when he is thrust into the role of President and his self sacrificing nature kicked in when no one else would take the presidency. And then in the first 10 minutes into his presidency, he is shot and his nation is blown up.

Tubbo takes this all in stride, repressing everything in order to rebuilt but his cabinet does not listen to him and constantly talks over him. When his vice president and best friend gets into trouble, Tubbo learns that he must be louder in order to be heard.

Tubbo felt betrayed by Tommy's actions during the exile negotiations. He felt as if Tommy didn't respect his power and the pressure of living up to President Wilbur, the threat of becoming like President Schlatt and the expectations of the entire nation all depended on him.

Tubbo once again choose sacrifice but this time, he was not only sacrificing himself but harmed Tommy in his decision as well. Immediately Tubbo regretted his decision and regressed into his yes man habits to cope with the situation.

From here on out, this may be a bit of a stretch but I love putting lore goggles on to every scene for analysis purposes and with a character like Tubbo who is rarely played, we can get some character depth from seemingly "silly" bits.

Tubbo after exiling Tommy shifted from being self sacrificial to self destructive. Both presidents before him had died and the odds were not looking good for Tubbo, already he had made an awful decision that he immediately regretted. Yet he couldn't reverse it and didn't feel worthy enough to see Tommy.

Tubbo never built himself a home in L'manburg. No stuff, no place to sleep, no roots. He told Ranboo that the presidency was all his when the elections came around. He didn't want to be president anymore. He's worryingly self depreciating.

I don't quite remember the timing of this stream but Tubbo and Ranboo once went nether exploring. Ranboo panicked as Tubbo was extremely reckless during this adventure, jumping into lava without fire res, speed bridging with few blocks and jumping off of tall places without checking his health. In addition, Tubbo went through a series of projects as a President, always doing something new and often involving things that could hurt him (ie Ravenger teleportation, tnt jumping). We can see Tubbo become subtly self destructive during this time.

(sidenote: tubbo has a habit to jump off of high things and expecting the person at the bottom to water bucket. Tommy usually is the person to "catch him" and I find it interesting that they both had self destructive tendencies while the other was gone. I'll come back to this point soon)

We never get Tubbo's opinion on the Butcher Army. He heavily opposed the idea at the beginning of the presidency but agreed to take part in it despite Techno killing him being a traumatizing event.

And then Logsteadshire. The guilt of exiling his best friend and being the cause to his death is too much for his mind to handle and he passes out. We never learn how Tubbo got back to L'manburg and the next time we see him, he is back to throwing himself into project after project.

The next time we really see Tubbo is when Tommy and Technoblade take Connor hostage. Ranboo says that Tubbo is just staring at a grass block and when Tommy appears, Tubbo is severely shaken. He is glad that his best friend is alive and upset that he's teamed with his murder but has to all shove it aside to fulfill his role as president. Tubbo takes Tommy yelling at him and Techno's accusations with no protest and once again, represses everything to move on.

Already the Green Festival reminded Tubbo of familiar events but at this time he was in control or so he thought. He had already failed an execution so he was determined to make this word so L'manburg could be safer. He had failed Tommy so he might as well try to make the server a better place by killing Dream. Yet Tubbo had doubts about it.

Dream was manipulating Tubbo during his entire presidency. Tubbo truly believed that Dream was his friend and thought that Dream supported him as a president. His self esteem was so low that he searched for validation anywhere (ie "rate my kidnapping", "phil tell me I'm doing good pls") and Dream willingly gave him companionship.

But then Dream started screaming at him and calling him and awful president, Tubbo agreed with Dream. Tubbo saw himself as weak and stupid and no one came to his defense so it had to be true.

His fight with Tommy was very impactful and led Tubbo to believe that the discs mattered more than him but we'll get back to that soon. Most of the things said during this fight were forgiven by both parties so I hope it doesn't affect him much.

Sidenote: when Quackity suggests to execute Ranboo, Tubbo chooses forgiveness for Ranboo having been in that position before and snaps at Quackity. Here we get a glimpse of Tubbo's inner emotions and we can see clearly that the events of the festival have hurt him.

Doomsday is further proof to Tubbo that he is the worst President that L'manburg had. He stares at the destruction in mute disbelief and even throws himself into tnt and in front of a firework for Tommy. By the end of the experience, Tubbo is so drained that he has given up on government, the fight beaten out of him and he lets L'manburg go, thinking it was his fault it fell.

Tubbo has suffered the most from government yet strives to make a community. Snowchester was supposed to be his healing. However, Tubbo's paranoia from all the violence and the lessons that he has learned from the others, caused him to built a way to defend himself. He doesn't even make a bed for himself in his new house.

Then his life gets shaken up by the Disc War Finale. He refuses to talk about his feelings on the odds, accepts defeat instantly as they were "doomed from the beginning" and doesn't seem to mind the fact that he might die.

In fact, he says "It was about time anyway"

Tubbo thinks he is living on borrowed time. All of the presidents before him are dead and he is in a seemingly impossible situation. Death seems to be the only option and he has accepted it before hand so he is fine with it. Even Tommy seems shaken by this as Tubbo was so positive about the situation before. But Tubbo had been hiding that all for Tommy's sake as he is very self sacrificial.

When everything seems to return to "normal" Tubbo tests his nukes and later tells Ranboo that be had expected everything to go horribly wrong. He is trying to heal and does a decent job at it, starting a family and building Snowchester.

But then he gets the memo that Tommy has been trapped in prison with Dream. He checks out the prison, being a inconvenience to the guards and is hardly fazed when Sam threatens to kill him. He leaves feeling disappointed that he cannot help but that is what it is and Tubbo thinks that Tommy is the strongest person he knows.

So that's why Tommy can't be dead. Tubbo denies Sam's words and when they finally register, begins an investigation to find out who's to blame. He becomes self destructive again, wearing Dream's armor and building a familiar panic room to research the crime.

He is once again extremely reckless when investigating. With Ranboo's help, they go and investigate the egg and Tubbo shows his lack of care for his own safety. He tries to break open the egg, challenges Bad and Ant to a pvp and suggests to continue investigating. But at this point, Ranboo has noticed this recklessness and gently reminds Tubbo of Michael.

From this point, Tubbo seems to be healing again. And then to make things better, Tommy is back and they are going to kill Dream but that's okay because it hasn't really settled yet. Tubbo is once again shaken by Tommy's return and follows him in silence to make sure he is really there. He is so worried about Tommy, he reaches out to MIA Ghostbur to help him.

Tubbo is still self destructive but less so after this. He still jumps off high places but does so more out of trust. He finally gets a bed in Snowchester and things seem to be looking up.

But then Tommy's words about Dream settle in. Dying is no longer permanent and Tubbo has things he wants to protect. To do this he recommissions the nukes but is panicked when one is stolen.

We have no idea where it is going to go from here, but I can already see some problems with Tubbo's increasing paranoia.

In addition, the details about the nukes and their suicide button and Tubbo's willingness to sacrifice himself for the greater good does not bode well.

Overall, Tubbo is a complex character and I greatly enjoy how he is played.

Thank you for reading and let me know if you have any comments!

#dream smp #tubbo #c! tubbo #tw suicidal ideation #tw self destruction #suicide tw #tw suicide #abuse tw #clingy duo #bee duo #bench trio #shadow talks