#and think about how far ive come

[rofax]

It has been exactly six months since my last day of chemo! 🎉🎉

#ro talks #cancer cw #chemo cw #it me #forgive me posting my face lol but i like to look at these two pics #and think about how far ive come #i could barely go up a flight of stairs in the first pic #and spent so much time away from my daughter being sick #now me and nellie go places together every day #i jog three times a week and am joining a belly dancing class #i feel more like a human again every day dude

[hinamie]

surprise it's yuri!!!in 2024

#my art #yuri on ice #yuri!!! on ice #yoi #fanart #katsuki yuuri #victor nikiforov #victuuri #yoi fanart #this was the secret 4th thing that lost the poll jdsfgsdfjj #id been thinking about doing a tribute since getting that one ask but i didn't anticipate how Into it i would get once i started #the way i flew through this piece .. just over 1 day??? insane #yuri is /that/ ingrained in my muscle memory #I was looking at refs and ?? id forgotten how wild this show was #we just got all of that?? a pole dance a proposal a kiss a pair skate....and it was ALL canon? incredible #AND YEAH UNPROMPTED HISTORY MAKER PLAYS IN MY YT MIX #dean fujioka jumpscare #also looking back at my old yoi pieces was so wild. that ws really 8 years ago huh. #little bit of an ego boost looking at how far ive come #but also im just grateful idk sry 2 b sappy on main #i hope 16 year old me is happy that i did this bc im happy i did this #edit bc i forgot a bunch of white outline i am a fraud

[dennisboobs]

7x10 // How Mac Got Fat

↳ Charlie & Dennis + getting high together

#iasip #it's always sunny in philadelphia #dennis reynolds #charlie kelly #charden #dennis looks....... positively lovestruck #ada's gifs #ada speaks #the continuity errors between shots in these scenes is so funny to me but i only noticed bc ive spent two hours on this gifset #anyway. in my expert opinion #this is far from the first time den's come to charlie like this #i can see this happening frequently in high school especially considering their drug of choice here is inhalants #x2 when know how charlie's relationship with them was in hs #the fact that dennis leaves his room to 'be alone' and then goes to paddy's to get high with charlie #to me indicates he doesn't *want* to be alone with his thoughts like this #when he's already overthinking and self conscious #i think contrasting this scene w mac & dee barging into his room earlier is interesting #because while mac & dee reacted with immediate disgust and asked what the fuck happened to his face #charlie's just like why is your face shiny. then repeatedly makes it clear he doesnt care about anything beyond the basics #ok cool. chemical peel caused it. no i don't want to hear why you decided to get one. #and honestly i think dennis was counting on that reaction. charlie doesn't give a shit. he's down to hang out and he doesn't ask questions. #they both want an immediate out from the pressure they both feel and most definitely do Not want to talk about it <3 #stuff it down with some.......... turpentine

[lokh]

oughh i wanted to do a cute laishuro take on the blu ray extras (what if laios had been eaten instead) but lets be honest. they absolutely would not have made it as far without laios

#they wouldve died. badly. #unfortunately ive lost the link saw it on twitter but i think laios gets knocked unconscious and imagines that it had been him that got ate #and not falin. and falin is the only one to advocate for them going back #but no one wants to go along with her presumably because they dont care for laios that much #(or at least this is laios' perception as this is just his imagination) #but also because she doesnt know as much about monsters and couldnt come up with a good argument for going back in #<- didnt know about prolonged digestion in red dragons and marcille assumed the interval was the same as in humans (1-3 days) #BUT...................... when everyone leaves falin turns back and goes in herself. and laios realises that shes always been that sort #of person and theres no point in ruminating over what could have been. #now. i want to believe that had they known falin would turn back without them. that at the very least shuro would have gone in with her. #theres no way he would have let her go on her own. and frankly i dont think he would have assembled his retainers #to go save laios rip... #marcille would have gone if she had known falin would turn back. and honestly i think she mightve known her well enough to guess this irl #anyways what i was GOING to say was maybe as they venture thru the dungeon shuro gets to learn more about laios thru falins view #maybe they get to know each other more and he opens up more about how he thinks of laios and like. falin is able to explain more about him #diffuse tension and give him a better understanding. like yeah hes still annoyed at him but he has a better view of how laios is #they get close and become better friends but maybe it also helps falin make up her mind and let him down gently............................ #and maybe they go and save laios but the dragon thing still happens to him #and its again a 'you felt like that all along??' situation irt him wanting to be a monster but it turns out ok and they (laishuro) #open up to one another in the end......................... #but. again im gonna be real. they would not have made it that far LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO laios the goat for real

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

do you ever just sit there thinking about your favorite ocs while violently shaking. god. clenches fist. They're So.

#every time a song from their Joint Playlist comes on i go fucking feral #the betrayal the refusal to Let Go the haunting the persisting love the renunciation the resentment the abandonment the resignation #the overwhelming desire to do good vs the fear of admitting you were wrong vs the two people you love most tearing each other apart #AGHHHHH FUCK FUCK FUCK IM SUDDENLY DEEP IN THE ORIGINAL SAUCE #five seconds i was Normal. scribbling welcome home #then One Of The Songs Came On and now im losing my fucking marbles #perceived betrayals leading to real betrayals.... #going too far and now its too late you're Committed you cant go back #he came to you thinking he could make you understand and you could work together to make things Better #and instead you ripped his heart out and left it bleeding on the floor for everyone to see #THEY MAKE ME MORE INSANE THAN LITERALLY ANYTHING #absolutely unprompted #the oc Unwellness comes and goes in waves but its the only true constant obsession with my life #god those three... my dearest darling Trio.... how old are they turning this year? #is it year eight of having them? year nine? #one of the two is for sure how long ive had My Specialest Boy Light Of My Life The Reason I Am Still Alive #the other two came after... maybe only mere months after but he was the first and he is just. i love him so fucking much #he is so so personal to me. he has a permanent place carved out in my chest #he sleeps on my ribs <3 #the other day i was reminiscing about his development over the years. his changes his different Versions #and fuck... he's really changed with me huh?? #his past selves are echoes of my own self over the years #like he is Very different from me but at the same time. i created him with little pieces of myself sewn in #we hold the same views the same beliefs. im not him and hes not me but we're Kindred yk yk #i think i need to go listen to his playlist.... how long is it now... let me check... 15 hours 13 mins... 228 songs... #my gay 5'2 powerhouse of a guy. him <3 #maybe 'them' too he's played fast and loose with gender over the years. holy shit wait #his development echoes mine... i characterized him as 'fucks with gender norms' long before i realized my own gender fuckery #god damn. i love him even more now. i didnt think that was possible. im going to cry. hes so important to me #he has been with me through my worst years... and will be with me through all the hard times to come <3

[hella1975]

you ever have a fic get you in such a chokehold you start pacing your room and talking to yourself

#THIS FIC WAS WRITTEN FOR ME SPECIFICALLY #BURN IT ALL DOWN BY DOROTHYCANFLY ON AO3 THIS IS GENUINELY ONE OF MY TOP 5 FICS OF ALL TIME EVER #IT'S GOT THE BEST DABI CHARACTERISATION IVE EVER COME ACROSS IT'S GOT REALLY WELL WRITTEN DABIHAWKS #THAT FITS BOTH OF THEM LIKE THEY'RE MEAN AS HELL ABOUT IT AT FIRST #IT'S GOT STUPIDLY DEVOTED TOUYA-SHOUTO IT'S GOT PROTECTIVE BIG BROTHER TOUYA #IT'S GOT MENTAL ANGST WRITTEN LIKE A DREAM THE WRITING IN GENERAL IS INSANE #IT'S ACTION PACKED BUT DONE WELL SO THAT IT'S NOT TEDIOUS IT'S FUNNY IT'S GOT TWISTS #IT'S KEEPING ME ON MY TOES I NEVER KNOW WHAT'S COMING OR HOW FAR THE AUTHOR IS WILLING TO GO #IVE LITERALLY READ 300K WORDS IN TWO DAYS AT THIS POINT LIKE I AM ABSOLUTELY FINISHING THIS TONIGHT #WHAT THE FUCK EVEN AM I GONNA DO WITH MYSELF AFTER THIS #EVERY NEW THING THAT HAPPENS LITERALLY HAS ME GETTING UP TO PACE ABOUT #I CLOCKED OUT OF MY MUM TELLING ME OFF EARLIER BC I WAS THINKING ABOUT THIS FIC #DO U KNOW HOW DANGEROUS THAT IS BASO JUST SIGNED MY DEATH WARRANT BUT I DIDNT CARE #losing my goddamn mind respectfully <3 if anyone has read this pls yell with me about it #and if anyone knows mha and wants a fic rec PLEASE let it be this one it's my fav mha fic ever and ive read A LOT #it gets quite smutty in the middle but if that's not ur thing the author tws very well and u can kinda just scroll #so that u still get the important character developments without it being just pure smut lol #god this FIC. holding it in my fucking fist and squeezing the everloving life out of it im going INSANE #i cant remember the last time a fic got me this way im literally giggling about it all #HE FOUND A REASON TO LIVE AGAIN THEY TOOK THIS MANGLED BLOODY BOY AND SAID WE LOVE YOU #YOU ARE GOOD YOU CAN STAY YOU CAN REST NOW WE'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU AND HE CHOSE THEM! HE CHOSE THEM! #OVER HIS REVENGE AND HIS RAGE HE CHOSE THEM! IM GOING TO BE VIOLENTLY SICK #like the author LETS DABI BE A CUNT. the first chunk of the fic he's actively not a good person #and his coping mechanisms are shot to shit and we WATCH HIM GROW FROM THAT i have cried several times over the most mundane shit #goddddddddDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDAKSJFJKAGSFIUAHGJKAKG #mha #fic rec

[s0fter-sin]

i need leon who can’t stand people being near his neck bc of all the times zombies bit him there, it’s just become a huge trigger zone for him

#am i thinking of serennedy with this? obviously #them making out when luis begins to kiss down his jaw leading to his neck then hes suddenly on his back blinking at the ceiling #and leons just gone #hes in a full flashback #and luis just has to slowly being him back #he keeps his hands on the bed so leon doesnt feel like hes trying to grab him #he makes sure his voice is low and smooth #as far from a growl as possible #and as much as he wants to use his pet names he doesnt speak spanish at all #just so he doesnt accidentally add any ganados trauma on top of the raccoon city stuff #by the time hes talked leon back bruises have bloomed under his hands from how hard he pinned him #and he feels awful that hes hurt him but luis doesnt hold a single second against him #just navigating each others triggers and learning about each other makes me soft #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #where’s everyone going? bingo? #leon kennedy #luis serra #serennedy #resident evi #resident evil 2 #resident evil 4 #re #re2 #re4 #re4 remake

[mukuberry]

It kinda irks me when i see ppl talking about guiltying prisoners because it'll "have a better impact on them" or will "help them more than an inno vote" because we've got 4 prisoners already guiltied who haven't been benefited at all. Fuuta is probably our best, as she no longer thinks she was right for the murder, but she's also now permanently disabled and probably getting indoctrinated into a cult. Even ignoring Kotoko's attacks, they're still being tortured psychologically. They're hallucinating, paranoid and suicidal. How could subjecting someone to that hell be any better for them than forgiving them

#chernikocore #i get why ppl thought this trial 1. but why are we still thinking like this please look at our already guiltied prisoners #not just about kazui ive seen ppl say this about yuno ALOT #the only guilty vote ive agreed with so far is haruka because of the restraints TT but even that wouldn't have been necessary if not for muu #idk i dont wanna come off as rude but. how are ppl thinking this about kazui... #''this man wasnt affected by an inno vote because he hates himself too much. maybe if we make him hallucinate voices blaming him for his #wifes suicide and affirming the idea he has that he should have kept lying‚ he'll feel better :)'' #orz

[tea-earl-grey]

there's something so dismal about how so much of tv fandom's energy nowadays seems to go towards trying to prove to big corporations that their show is good enough to save. like whenever a new episode or series comes out it's "remember to watch it all in 24 hours or it won't get renewed!" "play it on repeat for a month or else it'll become another piece of lost media!" "don't stop talking and posting about it during the hiatus or else this season that's already in production might not air!" "if this tag trends on twitter for long enough we might get eight episodes instead of six!!!" it feels less like we're enjoying a show that so many people worked hard on and more like we're trying to create rituals to please the gods (which replace gods with The Algorithm and you're not far off).

like i haven't even been involved in fandom for that long but even just seven or so years ago if a show did well enough that it was nominated for awards and trending on twitter and having well attended comic con panels then it would be renewed for at least a season or two. and back then being renewed for another season meant "we're for sure going to get a new season next year!" with almost no possibility of cancelation. and even shows that did just okay ratings wise would easily get 5+ seasons.

and it was more fun. when i was watching Doctor Who or Arrowverse or whatever in 2014 i could enjoy and critique the media itself instead of constantly being nervous about whether the next season will be cashed in for nostalgia bait or have its episode count cut or be postponed for three years or just outright canceled because it was slightly less popular than last year. like the fandom would still stress out over potential bad narrative choices or whatever but we would also get excited about the future.

maybe it's just my own perceptions but i just tend to find myself favoring fandoms for shows (or at least eras, i'm looking at you Doctor Who) that have been completed. i like Good Omens and Our Flag Means Death and Strange New Worlds and Percy Jackson and the Olympians and the latest Doctor Who era but i just find it hard to get invested when there's so much anxiety around if there will be a future to those shows and so much of the fandom activity revolves around that anxiety. and then as a result when the show does end for good (whether through cancelation or design) the fandom starts to fade away too because so much of it was based on the temptation of The Future.

and i'm also quick to admit that production in pre-streaming era shows had their own problems (once popular shows running for 15 seasons and jumping the shark just because it's a cash cow, tampered down diversity in the interest of "popular appeal", the whole quantity over quality issue, etc) but at least the fandoms were more optimistic and focused on the story itself instead of just being angry about the eternal potential of cancelation or outright deletion.

(also there are obviously much larger issues to the streaming model re: residuals and everything else brought up during the wga and sag strikes but that's all been said much more coherently so i'm just speaking from my own perspective as a fan. and even then there's still definite overlap between the fandom anxiety over renewal and the real world economic anxiety for people involved with production over "will we have a job/be paid". it's far too early to tell but i really hope the strikes will help to solve this problem.)

#and not even to once again bring up the problems with serializing nearly every show #and how that means what would have been a few minor quibbles and problems are now baked into the formula of a show #and how that contributes to the fandom anxiety around inconsistency between seasons #idk if im saying anything new but ive just been thinking about this with how i feel like the anxiety around prodigy's future #is stopping me from getting more invested in the show/fandom #same with the new doctor who era. i love fifteen so far but i cant stop being So Nervous when fandom is the place i come to relax #anyways im very glad that i watched and got invested in Picard after s3 started airing or else i would have the same problem #idk what to tag this as #fandom stuff #my posts #also not even to talk about how streaming models have made it so much harder to watch things internationally without pirating #like i used to just be able to buy most international stuff on itunes or dvd and have it in perpetuity #but now i drive to canada and cant access things i paid for and fuck you if you dont live in a country where that streaming service works

[bmpmp3]

when people complain about getting like, a 98% grade on something because it was "so close to perfect" its like. i understand what you're saying on a technical level. but that is a line of thought so far away from my experiences and ways of thinking that i do feel like im from another planet. 100% isnt even a real number to me

#i kinda understand when its something like a multiple choice test or something where there is an objective answer #it might feel like u got so close but just missed one #again still a bit alien to me because my scholarly performance is mysterious and anything over 70 is great to me #but i mean ive had a 98 before once in a math test. i did get exactly 1 bit of 1 question wrong #but i didnt really care that it was one off from perfect i was too busy being happy because that was the highest mark id ever received #and the previous math test i had taken got a 53% . grade 11 was a wild time for me in math class GHJKSHFKds #anyway i kinda see where ur coming from with stuff with right or wrong answers like that #but i sometimes get friends in class complain that they got a 95 or something on an art assignment #because they think they got docked 5 points for one or two little things #but i dunno. thats not really how fine arts departments in university tend to grade things #you dont start at 100 and get docked marks for things you got wrong. i dont think ive ever seen a 100% on something like that #tbh the numbers are a little arbitrary i find. i do prefer to try to get em higher because that helps with grants and stuff #but the numbers dont mean all that much in fine arts or in art history (my two majors) a 75 and a 95 can function the same depending on lik #weighting and context and feedback and whatever. i dunno its a wild world out there #it might just be the perspective of someone who did really goodbad in school. (GoodBad (tm) its when ur good but also kinda bad at school!) #compared to someone who got a lot of perfects in mandatory schooling. i sympathise i really do that kind of pressure sounds insane #but while i sympathize i cant really empathize as much unfortunately with this specifically orz its a world very far outside my purview! #100%s arent real to me so they never cross my mind to be worried about LOL

[mememan93]

Zonai? you mean walking retcons?

#I hate the zonai #this blog is anti zonai #Like what. now zelda's powers. All of the zelda's powers come from the zonai?? not the triforce or even hylia?! #fuck that #i hate it #seriously #ive seen theories that the golden goddesses and hylia were zonai too and like. that's a fine idea to have. it makes sense given the retcons #but i hate it so much #you can't just come in here and be like 'these creatures that existed for one game are now the most important thing in the series' #fuck offfffffff #i think the reason i hate botw and totk the most is the abandoning of the heart of the series #both gameplay wise and lore wise #loz had a shit ton of magic and fantasy and stuff and now it's all 'ancient civilization... secretly advanced???' sksw isn't immune to this #either unfortunately #i've been thinking about oot lately. i miss you oot lore. i miss you. #anyway tldr zonai and totk retcons are dumb #and as far as i am concerned totk lore doesn't exist #there are no zonai #now i know how ppl who hate hylia due to lore retcons (not other dumb shit) feel #totk spoilers #i guess? #raven croaks #totk neg #totk salt #there. you can't say i didn't tag it

[brightokyolights]

.

#omfg i feel so completely melodramatic for typing this out rn but i have so many feelings and i need to get them out!!! DX #anyways so since just before the sunshine court came out i have yet again gone down an aftg rabbit hole #and what im here to specifically cry about is kevin #when i first read aftg my opinions on the characters were so different to what they were now #i cant completely remember how i felt about kevin. part of me thinks i felt that he was treated way too harshly by the others considering #the trauma he went through but part of me thinks maybe? i didnt care too much for him back then because i was taking the book at face value #and just going with how neil viewed him which is that hes The Best at exy but sort of annoying and harsh and needs to stick for himself more #idk idk but as of recent ive just been having a lot of emotions thinking about him. and especially wymack and him. #like he was just robbed of so much. and hes honestly so brave despite what people may think? hes soso flawed but thats what makes me love #him even more. he's just trying. so hard. to undo everything thats been engrained in him. and i just wanna cry and cry and cry!!! #because hes come so far! and hes amazing. and i wish i could properly express everything thats running through my mind rn but thats all i #got. back to reading fic centering kevin and wymack now 😭 #le text post

[kiddokori]

things i like about totk so far: the depths,

i am going to be so completely honest i thought id be able to think of more. um. this is awkward

#ive only beat the first ‘temple’ the rito one and like. i thought it was goofy. i did not take it seriously. the boss was cool the music #was banger as usual that specifically i thought was cool #i doo like the depths tho. fun to explore. pretty. ominous music. quiet. peaceful if i aboid mobs correctly #and like all the stuff that is inherent to botw/totk i enjoy the world the horses cooking the outfits etc etc #but thats not unique to totk so i dont count it #goofy ass cutscenes. weird pacing. story feels very forced and not coherent so far #really just feels like they went ok we need to make another botw and just made up whatever excuse they could #to get zelda out of the story again instead of actually writing something #putting the wagon in front of the horse situation #also botws whols thing was New Innovative Breaking Conventions #and then they went oh the New Innovative Breaking Conventions game did good? cool lets make the exact same New thing again #not how that works. sucks all of the appeal out of the whole foundation #you cant copy innovation you have to make something new #like im gomna play it anyways and enjoy myself cuz its zelda but come on man. and for 70 bucks?? #killing nintendo myself #oh i like the tower cutscene link fucking blastinf out of the top of it #also pretty #im a bit disappointed in the sky islands it doesnt really feel explorable its just like hey theyre there. some of them have little things on #them or some hidden challenge. and i go ok. well what about all the empty ones that are a pain in the ass to get to #and they go shhh shshshshsh. dont worry about that. think about Parallels. symbolism. #when all i can think about it the fact i do not have my large bird friend to help me explore #being so serious loftwings would make this game better. new mode of traversal for the new environment (sky) #those robo birds suck theyre so hard to get off the islands without just falling #ive tried fucking around with the new building/tech stuff i do not like it. awkward. clunky. irritating to me #idk if thats a me issue or if other people also think its bad but. im not a fan #give me my fucking bird. it makes sense and it would work so much better. please

[teobug]

Barely slept because my very old kitty is sick and this might Be It for her since we do not have the money to take her in and even if we did, it is more likely than not a complication of kidney failure which we have known to be an inevitable end for a while now

#i am feeling. hmmm. not good #she's like 16 to 17 years old at this point. ive had her my sntire teenhood to adult life #she is small and frail and sneezing and exhausted and i dont blame her #its like age hit her all at once so fast #i am so tired and sad and i dont know how to. process or think about it #how do I think about the idea of her life coming to an end. how do i consider if i need to allow the unthinkable #if her suffering is too great for her little body how will i know. how will i know she needs to go #im so scared of making her hurt or suffer longer than she needs to but im also scared of taking away her life out of selfish grief #she deserves a kind and gentle death when the time comes but i dont know how to make that happen for her or when and im scared #sorry if you read this far im just. exhausted and. scared and sad #i dont want to lose another staple of my life so soon after my grandma #vent #delete later

[munamania]

i dont wanna be a dick and act like i have no responsibility in this but after a point dont u think if all you ever say to ur friend is Omg you never make it out why dont you ever come out with us you bail all the time youre such a flake etc. dont u think that person (me) is like. not gonna feel so inclined to. be there

#like. yeah i was bad last semester i get it. and probably i shouldve tried at least once or twice to push thru #but i was so exhausted. and every time they would bring up hanging out it was on my longest days #and when i casually brought this up they were just like Well we have long days too. Okay! #and i love and miss these friends and i know for the most part. or at least think. theyre just teasing #i hate being seen as the flake like any time i do have to be like Oh i cant make that or Shit im sorry i have to bail #i try to offer an alternative???? and they never compromise on that. how is that fair like im not just outright rejecting u all the time #not to mention most of the time last semester it was always gonna be somewhere super easy for them to get home and far from me #im not like constantly holding this against them btw but i feel like they're holding it against me and i dont have any more apologies in me #anyway. that said. if theyre somewhere really expensive and far from me tn and i get out of work early #i. probably will not make it. lol! if theyd be willing to come a little closer to my place to one of the dives or some shit thatd be great #and like im not doing much today until class and work so really like. i WILL try. but i think they could sometimes not go for the most #expensive and inconvenient option as well. and these r all things ill say if it becomes like a problem problem or smth #but rn im not gonna be a dickhead and shit on their plans #but also! ok whatever im not gonna keep going on i just feel shitty im not 100% better from being sick and im just frustrated #about having to fuckign grovel over and over and over. i meant it the first few times now im just like #u could try not to be an asshole to me for five seconds too. like. i am very clearly not someone trying to secretly stop being friends #w yall. things happen #abby talks #and maybe this is an esp sore spot bc like ive certainly had some of you bail on me or be flaky or whatever before. and i didnt throw #a fucking fit to your face about it. probably bc it actually did feel more mean spirited sometimes #OK im sorry im not trying to make my friends sound evil and its mostly just the one and like im working on forgiving her for it cause it #was years ago but also like christ!

[mechandra]

old comic about Lily, Sable’s roommate who lovingly tolerates her

#ask the ether #mechandra draws #filler comic? #this is a little... uh. revealing about Sable. i think #but also look how far ive come with hand lettering looool