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#the betrayal the refusal to Let Go the haunting the persisting love the renunciation the resentment the abandonment the resignation
carnivalcarriondiscarded
·
9 months
Text
do you ever just sit there thinking about your favorite ocs while violently shaking. god. clenches fist. They're So.
#every time a song from their Joint Playlist comes on i go fucking feral
#the betrayal the refusal to Let Go the haunting the persisting love the renunciation the resentment the abandonment the resignation
#the overwhelming desire to do good vs the fear of admitting you were wrong vs the two people you love most tearing each other apart
#AGHHHHH FUCK FUCK FUCK IM SUDDENLY DEEP IN THE ORIGINAL SAUCE
#five seconds i was Normal. scribbling welcome home
#then One Of The Songs Came On and now im losing my fucking marbles
#perceived betrayals leading to real betrayals....
#going too far and now its too late you're Committed you cant go back
#he came to you thinking he could make you understand and you could work together to make things Better
#and instead you ripped his heart out and left it bleeding on the floor for everyone to see
#THEY MAKE ME MORE INSANE THAN LITERALLY ANYTHING
#absolutely unprompted
#the oc Unwellness comes and goes in waves but its the only true constant obsession with my life
#god those three... my dearest darling Trio.... how old are they turning this year?
#is it year eight of having them? year nine?
#one of the two is for sure how long ive had My Specialest Boy Light Of My Life The Reason I Am Still Alive
#the other two came after... maybe only mere months after but he was the first and he is just. i love him so fucking much
#he is so so personal to me. he has a permanent place carved out in my chest
#he sleeps on my ribs <3
#the other day i was reminiscing about his development over the years. his changes his different Versions
#and fuck... he's really changed with me huh??
#his past selves are echoes of my own self over the years
#like he is Very different from me but at the same time. i created him with little pieces of myself sewn in
#we hold the same views the same beliefs. im not him and hes not me but we're Kindred yk yk
#i think i need to go listen to his playlist.... how long is it now... let me check... 15 hours 13 mins... 228 songs...
#my gay 5'2 powerhouse of a guy. him <3
#maybe 'them' too he's played fast and loose with gender over the years. holy shit wait
#his development echoes mine... i characterized him as 'fucks with gender norms' long before i realized my own gender fuckery
#god damn. i love him even more now. i didnt think that was possible. im going to cry. hes so important to me
#he has been with me through my worst years... and will be with me through all the hard times to come <3
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