#and then i guess after the move in mid-2000

[ashleybenlove]

I've already read 13 books this year.

4 of them are rereads of The Baby Sitters Club books so like... easy quick reads lol.

#ashleybenlove posts #I am planning on padding my list with a lot of BSC books this year #of rereads or read for the first time #like in 99-2000 I was signed up to some kinda subscription service/book of the month thing #where I got four of the books in order each month #and then i guess after the move in mid-2000 #the package didn't get forwarded to the new address #and that was that #i was at 48 or 52 at the time #so soothing my inner child after like... almost 25 years

[livwritesstuff]

uh so i was feeling like writing something angsty and ever since i wrote this a little bit ago i can’t stop thinking about the idea of what the upside down coming back decades later would look like, however it’s a bummer and not the vibe i want for my steddie!dads verse so consider this an au for an au or whatever idk

It’s a normal, average, mundane, regular Wednesday when Dustin calls.

They don’t talk as much as they used to, but that’s adult life, Steve supposes. 

They both have entire lives now, spouses and children and jobs that consume pretty much every waking hour. The near-1000 miles that separates Steve and Eddie in Massachusetts from Dustin in Indiana doesn’t help things either, and seeing as how Dustin had long-since inherited the Hawkins Lab research from Owens when he retired back in the mid-2000s, that won’t be changing any time soon.

Steve is home when Dustin calls, and between counseling clients, so when the phone rings and lights up with his name, Steve picks it up with a grin.

“Hey man, what’s goin’ on!”

Nothing but silence comes through Dustin’s end for a while – such a long time that Steve checks to make sure that the call didn’t drop or his phone didn’t die or something (and neither had happened, so it’s definitely a Dustin thing).

“Dustin?” he asks, “You there?”

Silence, still.

Then –

“Steve.”

Dustin sounds…not normal, and Steve feels the grin slide off his face.

“What?”

“Steve,” he chokes, “It’s…it’s back.”

Steve feels his heart stop for a second, feels it like all the blood in his veins came to an abrupt halt for just a moment.

“The Upside Down,” Dustin continues, “It…all of…it’s back.”

He sounds like he’s underwater, or maybe Steve’s the one sinking beneath the surface, just like he’d done forty years ago when he’d taken Dustin’s place on that boat and got dragged into hell through the depths of Lover’s Lake.

Steve hangs up the phone, his hands shaking.

His knees feel shaky too, like they can’t support his weight anymore despite doing so for nearly sixty years.

They’ve been giving him problems lately – his knees. Nothing too crazy; he can still go on his runs and putter around the yard and all that. It’s just a part of aging, he supposes, and he hadn’t minded aging before – liked it, even. Liked his greying hair and the crow’s feet around his eyes and his achy knees, because there’d been a period of time many years ago when he wasn’t sure he’d make it long enough to experience that inevitability of life.

Right this second though, he hates it, hates the way it makes him realize he’s not as nimble as he used to be, the way his reaction time isn’t the same anymore, because he knows that’s what had gotten him through those horrible years back in the mid-eighties.

He lowers himself down, and as his ass hits the tile floor of the bathroom – his daughters’ bathroom, the one they’ve shared practically their whole lives, the one Moe lost her first tooth in, the one Robbie pierced her own ears in, the one Hazel will be getting ready for prom in soon – Dustin calls him again.Steve doesn’t pick up, too busy kicking himself for not considering sooner the possibility of this sooner, for not having a plan ready to execute to keep their daughters safe the way no adult had done for him.

He can feel an old instinct – the urge to gather his loved ones close – starting to kick in, his mind starting to race as he catalogs the people who make up his small corner of the world. 

Hazel is easy – she’s at the high school just down the road. He can have her back home, back within arm’s reach, in a matter of minutes.

Robin and Nancy are next closest, still living in Boston after all these years. Steve would wager a guess that they’ll be hearing from Dustin soon if they haven’t already, and then they’ll probably head Steve and Eddie’s way, and then they’ll all regroup. 

They’ll figure out what their next moves are.

Moe and Robbie are trickier with both of them living in New York City and likely unwilling to leave their school and their jobs and their friends without any warning whatsoever. Moe is getting more and more reasonable the older she gets, so Steve may have to start with her and hope that Robbie follows.

Moe is twenty-two now. 

Moe is older than both of her dads had been when Eddie had nearly died, when Steve had carried him out of hell and made sure he didn’t. All three of their daughters – even seventeen-year-old Hazel – are older than Steve had been when he got sucked into that horrible mess, and they’re still so damn young. 

With two decades of parenting under his belt, he finds it kind of unbelievable that anybody had looked at his sixteen-year-old face and seen anything but a child, nevermind actually asked him to do the things that he’d done.

Dustin calls him two more times before he gives up. Only a moment later, Steve hears Eddie’s phone ring downstairs, and then he hears Eddie’s jovial tone as he answers the call. 

He goes quiet real quick after that.

Just as Steve is deciding who to call first – Hazel’s school or Moe – his phone vibrates, two quick buzzes that can only indicate a text from Robin.

He opens it.

did dustin call you?

Steve lets out a heavy breath because, fuck, it’s real.

Yeah, he texts back, then adds –

This fucking sucks

40 years

As Steve watches the bubbles of Robin’s incoming response, he can vaguely hear Eddie’s ascent of the stairs, still on the phone with Dustin. 

The bubbles disappear.

“Fuck you, Dustin,” he hears Eddie snarl, “This is on you.” There’s silence for a while, and Eddie seems to pause in the hallway just in front of their bedroom door. Then, “Yeah, I’ll talk to him…I know…later, man. Love you. Be safe.”

Steve looks down at his phone to see that Robin is still typing, only for the bubbles to disappear again a second later.

Finally –

nance is going back

i’m going with her

Steve could throw up.

He almost does, he’s pretty sure, although he’s not positive because he might be having an out of body experience, or maybe he’s dissociating, or maybe it’s a fucking PTSD flashback or something. He doesn’t know.

He should know, or so his handful of psych degrees would suggest, and he probably would know if it was happening to someone else, but then again, he’s always worn blinders when it comes to himself.

That was true about him when all this shit started in 1983, and it’s still true now, almost forty years later.

Forty fucking years.

He doesn’t look up when Eddie comes into the bathroom, joining him on the floor with his back against the bathtub.

“Dustin took offense to you hanging up on him,” he says, and Steve can hear the way he’s forcing humor into his tone.

As if any of this shit is funny.

“Erica and the kids left with Claudia,” Eddie continues, answering a question Steve probably would’ve gotten around to asking Dustin himself if it weren’t for the whole hanging up on him thing, “Erica went kicking and screaming, obviously. I offered up our house, but they’re still deciding where they want to camp out. And everyone has agreed not to say a word to Jim and Joyce.”

Yeah, that makes sense, seeing as they’re both in their eighties and perpetually acting like they’re thirty years younger – at a minimum.

Not that Steve would know anything about that.

Definitely not.

“He said he’s one-hundred percent positive that it’s all still contained to Hawkins, so…” Eddie pauses, “We don’t have to, like, track down the girls or anything. Just make sure they don’t go anywhere near Indiana.”

And that, at least, is an actual relief.

“Robin’s going back,” Steve tells him, because there’s no point waiting to address that particular issue in this whole fucking mess.

The so I’m going too is implied, because that has never needed to be said when it came to Steve and Robin.

The way Eddie’s face changes evades Steve’s ability to describe. It makes him regret saying anything – that’s for fucking sure. Makes him wish he’d just snuck away in the dead of night.

“C’mon man, we’ve picked up a whole fuckin’ litter over the years,” Eddie says, and he’s still forcing humor into his tone, “You can’t leave me to fend off the masses alone – the years have made me weak-willed, I’ll surrender immediately.”

Steve manages a snort, but he still looks down at the floor all the same.

Eddie doesn’t say anything else for a while, but his hand wraps around Steve’s ankle as if there was enough brute strength in the one appendage to keep him rooted to the bathroom floor.

(Strangely enough, it feels like there might be).

“Steve,” Eddie finally says, his voice stiff and hard in a way Steve doesn’t think he’s ever heard before, “We are way too old for this shit – Robin and Nance too.”

Eddie pauses.

“Steve,” he says again, “I know how important Robin is. I know, but our children would be fucking devastated if anything happened to you. Don’t think they wouldn’t – and something would most certainly happen to you.”

“Eddie.” 

He’s still avoiding his husband’s eyes.

“Steve,” he pleads, something desperate in his voice, “We talked about this. Remember? Last spring, when we watched that stupid zombie show with Hazel? And there was the episode with the old gay guys? We talked about this. You told me not to let you go if this shit came back.”

Steve makes no response. Ed lets out a heavy breath, looking to the ceiling.

They have this conversation every now and then – one of those conversations that always teeters on the edge of an argument – in which Eddie insists that Steve could be fine if their relationship ended in a way that Eddie himself would not. It’s a conversation that Steve hates, because he hates the idea that Eddie – his husband of twenty years and the love of his whole entire life – could still be thinking so low of himself, that there’s any part of him that doesn’t think Steve would be fucking wrecked by losing him.

Still, it had always been a hypothetical. It had never been real.

Suddenly, Steve feels claustrophobic sitting on the floor of his daughters’ bathroom. He gets to his feet and, as he heads for the door, Eddie scrambles up after him.

Halfway down the hall, Eddie lunges for him and catches his arm, wheeling him back around to face him.

“Steve,” Eddie says one more time. 

Then, because he apparently has no words ready to follow with, he stops.

“Steve,” Eddie starts again, “Please. You’re everything. I love the girls and I love our life, but Christ, Steve, you’re my entire world. You changed everything for me. You showed me how life could be worth living, and you keep showing me, and I’m not ready to let go of you yet – not even fucking close. Please don’t let this be the way we leave each other.”

Steve finally lets himself look at Eddie’s face, the face he’d fallen in love with decades ago, the face he’s still in love with decades later. He looks at his big eyes and the hint of grey at his hairline and his crows feet and the scarring that creeps up his neck from underneath the collar of his shirt (it’s a shirt he’s had for ages – since before even Moe was born by the looks of it, but so is the rest of his half of their closet).

And he finds himself nodding.

Eddie’s exhale is all desperate relief as he tugs Steve into his arms and wraps them around his shoulders. Steve immediately reciprocates the hug, pulling him in even closer, surprised to feel tears pin-pricking his eyes

“I love you so much, Steve,” Eddie tells him, gripping the back of his t-shirt so tight he feels the collar pulling taut against his throat, “I don’t say that to you enough.”

“You say it all the time,” Steve replies with a wet laugh.

“Not enough,” he shakes his head, and Steve decides there’s no point in arguing.

A minute goes by.

“Fuck,” Steve half-laughs, half-chokes as he lifts his head to meet Eddie’s eyes, “This fucking sucks.”

“I know,” he says. 

Again, he reels Steve in, and again, Steve lets him, holding onto his husband like a lifeline, like they’re standing somewhere far more perilous than the carpeted floor of their upstairs hallway.

“I know,” Eddie repeats, “And we’ll…we’ll talk about it but for now, just – can I just hold you for a bit, okay?”

Steve nods again.

“Okay.”

read the extended version on AO3 (i.e. feat. added “flashbacks” so it fits the formatting of the rest of the series)

#eddie calls robbie and moe and tells them to come home – not because they actually need to but because ed knows steve needs them home #i slipped in some sneaky dustin/erica how do we feel about that here on tumblr.com? #steddie #liv’s steddie dads verse #steddie dads #steve harrington #eddie munson

[lollytea]

You said that asks may help you formulate your au thoughts and prompt you to talk about it so if it helps- I'm very curious about the cliffhanger the last lore dump left us on, re: Luz! Very curious to see how she fits into all of this. Sidenote about hunters deal: is Belos like. A stagemom in this au? A stage uncle? Highly entertaining if so. Demoted in power but still just as evil

Hmm!! Yeah I think it would absolutely be easier to drop info about the AU in little bits at a time depending on what questions I get. I've already thought about almost everybody in this AU and where they're situated but I guess I was getting overwhelmed with thinking about writing it all down at once.

Anyways!! Miss Luz Noceda!!

In this universe, the "fancy hospital" was located in California so Luz and her parents packed up and moved from Conneticut when she was a little kid. Her Dad Manny spent a few years drifting away, slowly at first, and then all at once. And Luz, a girl who's already a bright and imaginative storyteller, falls deeply in love with the fantasy book he left her.

What begins as a healthy coping mechanism devolves into escapism as Luz desperately clings to fiction in order to endure the difficulty of real life. School is hard, making friends is hard and nobody really understands her hobbies and passions, not even her mom (Even if she tries. She tries so hard.)

Living on the outskirts of the world of showbusiness, Luz quickly takes an interest in the magic of the screen. More than anything else, Luz wants to create. And creation comes in many forms and she has no intention of being confined to just one. Luz wants to be an actor, a writer, a director, an artist, an animator, a singer, a dancer, etc etc.

It's when her mom Camila finally puts her foot down and insists that Luz needs to learn to separate fantasy from reality, that her life really kicks off.

The Reality Check Center, an after school program which Luz is meant to attend every week day at 3:30pm sharp.

But after meeting somebody special, this is not where Luz goes every day after school.

Instead, Luz is hanging out in the house of Edalyn Clawthorne, an ex-starlet who Luz recognized on sight as Hecate in the 1980s Azura film adaption.

It's always been a mystery why Eda did not reprise her role for any of the sequels/spinoffs that Hollywood churned out for years afterwards. But upon meeting her and learning a little more of her story, Luz learns the truth from behind the scenes.

Eda has a chronic autoimmune disease and she was considered too "inconvenient" to have as a star of the franchise, so she was quietly let go after the first film released. She hasn't acted since and really has no intention of returning to that life.

Luz idolizes Eda and quickly latches on to her, demanding that she be her mentor and show her the ropes of showbiz. Eda hems and haws for a while before being worn down by Luz's persistent enthusiasm.

Luz meets Willow when the latter is trying to talk herself out of having a complete meltdown and the two quickly bond over being a pair of neurodivergent academically and socially challenged silly billies.

Willow is weak for pretty girls so she lets Luz talk her into sneaking her on set. Predictably, Luz causes havoc and gets banned from the premises within a few hours.

But that's okay! Because guess what! Turns out Luz is a perfect third musketeer for the funky little friend group Willow and Gus already had going on.

Luz does tons of stuff. She writes fanfiction. She has several notebooks full of anime art. But most notably, she has a YouTube channel.

Remember mid 2000s YouTube? Before it became the corporate husk that it is today? Back when it was just kids dicking around and posting their dumb silly vlogs.

Thats what Luz does. She posts dumb silly vlogs. She infodumps to the camera about her interests, she films herself while she's out with her friends. She just has fun, yknow?

Willow and Gus have fun too. Considering they are featured in like 90% of Luz's videos, laughing and joking around with her. But thats not all they do.

Willow, who has spent several months being the butt of the joke in the the Hexside show, is experiencing what it's like to be behind a camera while being respected and loved.

Willow is an exceptionally talented rollerskater. So of course Luz is filming her do tricks around the skatepark, whooping and hollering and chanting her name. Willow has a huge interest in botany. And superhero comics. And photography. And romcoms. And Luz will let her share fun facts about her interests, or maybe even babble for a bit, and Luz will act as though she's privileged to speak to a professor of the subject. It makes Willow blush and giggle, pretending it's not a big deal.

It's a huge deal actually.

It's through Luz's vlogs that Willow's authentic personality finally bleeds through the screen. Willow Park is not Paulina. She's not ditzy. She's not unobservant. She's something else entirely.

Willow Park is soft spoken but opinionated. She is witty and expressive. She's tough and sporty. She's wise beyond her years. She's wild and mischievous. She's sweet and silly. She's so many things that she'll make your head spin.

The scripts of the final Hexside S1 episodes are beginning to trickle out around this time and honestly? The writers are sick of Paulina. They're tired of the character. They're tired of the "She's stupid" joke. They feel like they've hit a brick wall with her, in a creative sense. But now they have Season 2 to work on and...ugghhh...

That's when one writer just happens to stumble across TheGoodWitchLuzura on YouTube and finds two young actors that they know very well, just existing outside of the set.

Willow is different on Luz's videos. While on set around the likes of Amity and Adrian, she simply keeps quiet, keeps her head down and does what she's told. She doesn't really spark any inspiration, yknow?

But after seeing this? This bright, sharp witted, skater girl on a griny camera recording? Well after seeing that, they really start feeling the urge to maybe spruce up Paulina's character a bit. Make her a little more compelling.

So, in that way, Luz Noceda completely changed Willow Park's life.

Willow still doesn't think she believes in God but if angels exist, Luz is definitely one of them.

If you said this to Luz, she'd disagree. She'd prefer to be a Demon >:3

________

ANYWAY!! On to the Belos question.

See, I think I'm going to take inspiration from the show's canon version of the Wittebane family as an endless cycle of pain and suffering.

Philip and Caleb Wittebane were a pair of orphan boys that managed to somehow weasel their way into the spotlight at an early age. It fed them well. It kept a roof over their heads. So that meant that this was a nice life, right?

The two brothers were considered timeless stars and their names would go down in history as some of Hollywood's finest.

In the year 1990, Caleb Wittebane was found dead in his home at the age of 30. Based on the evidence, it appeared he had taken his own life.

Philip was then given custody of his brother's infant son and promised that the boy would be raised to understand just what a wondrous legacy his father left behind.

Caleb Wittebane may have been buried 6ft under but Philip had no intention of letting him die. His DNA was still preserved, attached to this fat clump of an infant.

This baby was Caleb's second chance to live. Philip was going to make sure his stupid brother made the right choices this time.

Caleb wasn't going to throw it all away this time. Philip wouldn't let him.

#La La Land Machine AU #suicide tw

[spinningbuster98]

Castlevania Symphony of the Night Part 1: Die Monster!.....in Japanese!!

We’re here folks

We’re finally here

And I’m playing the Japanese version! Why? Well let’s just say that there’s some content that was originally exclusive to the original japanese release which was cut from the international one. Said content was restored in the PSP version....but I decided against playing that. It’s a playable version, but it’s minor yet noticeable graphical downgrades compared to the original just bug me the wrong way

You can already spot a difference in the intro: the actual narrated text is english even in the Jpn version, and no it’s not due to me playing a translated rom, even untranslated it’s in english, just with a japanese voice over

What intrigues me is how the text itself was still largely rewritten in the international versions, yet even the japanese one calls Dracula’s Castle “Castlevania”, which I had always thought was just a quirk of the english localization and not something that was ever truly recognized by the japanese side of things, at least not until the mid 2000s when even the japanese versions started using that name as the series’ title for a time

However, while I can’t understand japanese, I can’t hear the narrator actually pronouncing the name “Castlevania” anywhere, so I’m going to guess that he’s reading from a different script?

Anyway there’s going to be...LOTS to talk about with this game, though luckily we’ll have plenty of parts to do so :)

Just to start off with something that everybody knows by now: this might just be the most beautiful sprite based game of its generation, probably of the whole decade of the 90s

Yeah sure there are a couple of weird imperfections here and there, namely Richter’s sprite still being from RoD instead of reflecting his redesign, except for one cutscene where he IS given an updated sprite (I guess that’s one point in favor of the Saturn version). This is pretty much the game that started the tradition of reusing old enemy sprites, especially guys from Rondo and a couple from Castlevania IV

But honestly? This stuff is barely even a blip on the radar here. Every sprite, every background is so detailed, so well animated, oozing with so much charm! Every enemy has their own unique death animation, there are a billion different animations for the various spells and secret moves, I could list stuff all night!

Alucard’s sprite and animations have entered into the realm of videogame legends now, which is funny because when you think about it his animations are just way too smooth compared to everything else he kinda sticks out, not to mention that the actual running animation looks silly with the way he moves his arms (not that the Belmonts in the previous games weren’t guilty of a similar running animation quirk with their ultra-manly walk cycles), but it’s just so mesmerizing to look at! He truly feels weightless, like some sort of wraith drifting through the night, with that cape, that hair, the after images etc

The funny part is that the game does implement a bunch of more typical PS1 3D effects, which you’d think would clash hard with the sprites and age the game badly but they actually end up giving it even MORE charm, because they’re usually relegated to 3D backgrounds, but the actual renders not only look pretty damn good usually, they actually help make some environments look more memorable and larger than life! The cathedral, the moving clouds, the houses in Olrox’s Quarters. The Magic Tomes that attack you in the Library technically clash so hard with the rest of the place, but the renders themsleves are nice and I fucking love watching them explode into a burst of flames as their letters just spill out from the pages!

I even love the SOUND EFFECTS in this game! I’m pretty sure that most of them are just stock effects, especially the ones for the transformations and whenever you use a potion....but I dunno they’re goofy in a good, charming way to me

And we haven’t even talked about the music! Oh God! I’ll save THAT for the next part!

#youtube #akumajou dracula #castlevania symphony of the night #my gameplay

[gray-dun]

TLDR: Some songs have a deeper meaning than most people think would be great if people could read between the lines and where more media literate. But I get it art is subjective and thinking is hard.

Also fuck the person that said "high school is the best time of your life".

OVER SHARING TIME. Trun back while you can

I've been thinking about Green Day because they are apparently relevant again...

The year is 2006

Months before the student council had asked for students to submit songs to be voted on. My friend group hummed and hawed about it for a few days, and we eventually decided that Float On by Modest Mouse was a good choice. We all went around to other friend groups and tried convinced a few people to go along with us.

The early to mid 2000's where bat shit crazy (although compared to the 2020's haha fuck...) it was the height of "the war on terror", and I feel lead vocalist Issac Brock summed it up perfectly that time in an interview.

"It was a completely conscious thing. I was just kind of fed up with how bad shit had been going, and how dark everything was, with bad news coming from everywhere. Our president George W. Bush is just a fucking daily dose of bad news! Then you've got the well-intentioned scientists telling us that everything is fucked. I just want to feel good for a day."

At the time, it felt like the song was saying "yeah shit sucks, but just keep pushing forward. You'll get there" and that resonated with our teen brains that were constantly bombarded with fear mongering, blatant racism, homophobic raving, and the looming economic recession. (So about the same as now I guess) Christ, I thought I was closeted and socially withdrawn now. Back then I was constantly told to my face I looked like a school shooter/drug dealer or asked (called) if I was gay (or other slurs of that nature) by "friends" and "family". Only for them to then turn face and day shit like "I should be more open about my feelings and talk more" or "you feel distant". Hmm I wonder why.

Anyway

Lo and behold the day the ballots were handed out Float On was there. However, so was Time of You're life by Green Day. That lunch we cast our votes and a sense of dread hung over our group as we sat around the lunch table. We all wondered if people knew that the full title of the track is Time of your life (Good Riddance) and what it was even about.

For those that don't know or are too young, the song is about the lead of Green Day masking his anger about an ex moving away and being a passive-aggressive man child about the whole situation.

The class of 06 graduation came, and I somehow received my diploma. As the ceremony wrapped they played us out to Time of your life (Good Riddance). My friends and I all gave each other a quick knowing cringed glance, and after the celebration we headed over to a friend house to play 3.5 ed D&D for the entire weekend before our last summer together.

Since that day I have never gone back to that high school, or spoken to the majority of the people i graduated with. I remember one of my friends at the time said "as you get older you'll miss them and the times we shared" and honestly... Good Riddance.

[jayextee]

Sonic Heroes

I said I'd get back to reviewing the crap I play. Nobody asked for it, but I'm not posting art here anymore so ho hum. I'm going to be upfront and say that Sonic Heroes is one of my favourite 3D/"modern" (rofl it's like 20 years old) Sonic games. I'm also going to be honest and say that I'd recommend it to absolutely nobody, ever. Kinda.

On the surface of it all, Sonic Heroes absolutely rocks my worn-out boot-wearer socks. Its art direction is borderline-garish pop-art surrealism in the vein of the earlier Megadrive titles, the music is all banger with no clanger, and the gameplay has entirely ditched the idea of 'earning' mobility tools in favour of a moveset you start the game with and play in its entirety.

Except it's got Other Shit™ thrown in with that. The 'heroes' part of it all, for one. Heroes. Plural. Oh hey, you don't control a character as much as a team of characters; all modelled after the Sonic/Tails/Knuckles archetype trio of speed/flight/power respectively for four teams. They're not all identical, except where they are, and all of them aim to provide different gameplay experiences to tailor all styles of player. Or they would in theory were all four teams not mandatory for Last Story. Bad move, Sonic Team.

The thing is, there's not enough variety or interest here to justify four team playthroughs. And, at that, it's horribly uneven; when played left-to-right as any halfway-sane person would reasonably expect to approach these separate stories (if you can call them that), you get Normal then Hard then Easy (with tutorial!) and then the weird challenge mode category. And at that, we've got special stages so all seven Chaos Emeralds are needed as well. In my not-at-all-useless opinion as a nobody game designer, players should've been able to pick and complete one of these and only require the Chaos Emeralds for Last Story. But I guess that wouldn't have sated the early-mid 2000's desire for MORE CONTENT now, would it?

That's far from my only complaint about the game, though. It's largely a fun ride, until it isn't -- and when it isn't, it's generally because the game hasn't functioned as intended. Homing attacks pointed squarely at mid-chain (over a bottomless gap) enemies flatout missing, grind rail switching turning into a makeshift space program, combat yeeting player characters wildly off smaller-than-they-should-be arena spaces, there are a multitude of ways the game can suddenly stop working on you and when it does that, it's suddenly not fun anymore.

And, as evidenced by this potato-quality photo of my save file a few years ago, I've sunk like over 100 hours into this game (the above is what happens when 99: 59: 59 is exceeded, in this case by 5 minutes and 15 seconds). And that's because, when it's fun it really is fun. But half the time, it's absolutely wretched; either because it doesn't work, or the levels are heel-dragging affairs with copypasted geometry and occasional object layouts, or you're playing the secondary Team Chaotix missions. I love it to bits for its audiovisual flair, and the fun I can wring out of it between its wretchedness. For anyone else, personages with higher sanity levels than my oddball self, mileage may vary wildly. 3/5

#sonic #sonic heroes #sonic the hedgehog #modern sonic #gamecube #sega

[a-mag-a-day]

MAG 51 - sewing loops to my cord girth for the saddle straps to put away

"You ever had a near-death experience?" - Hahaha, again a line that someone put in the Fact or Fiction "Jonathan asks you things" video and I cannot unhear it in that context XD

Did you know there are wild horses on Sable Island? They were released into the wild in 1700s and became feral.

"The old man, Simon Fairchild" - On my first listen, this is when I thought "Hold on, wasn't the guy from MAG 21 also called Simon". I quickly went to look it up and yep. I already suspected where this was going…

"me and Julio Hernandez, the other diver on the crew, would spend our time chatting, playing cards, and once even screwing, though we generally don’t talk about that." - So if you don't talk about that, then why tell it? I guess it's the Eye's influence to also make statement-givers tell more than they would have liked to, especially private things. Dark secrets being revealed and all that. This was also the case in MAG 4 ("We’d worked together on a production of The Seagull a couple of years before and had had a bit of a thing going back then. At this point I had just become single, so was keen to meet up and see if any of the old spark remained.") and MAG 46 ("suppose you could call her a rival, in some ways, but we’d always been very friendly. In fact, there were a few years back in the 80s when we were very friendly, indeed."). Interesting, those other two statement are both about the Ex Altiora and now, in MAG 51, it's again the Vast being behind that story. Just an observation, all of those being Vast statements is a coincident I think.

"As I went in I thought I heard Simon, the old man, shout after me, but I couldn’t make it out. And then the world was nothing but silent blue." - Maybe Simon said (ha!) "Enjoy silent blue"…

"I saw Julio next to me, a few yards away, and with a thumbs up we began to dive down towards the sunken boat." - Mistake here. Thumbs up would mean to go up. Putting together the tips of thumb and index finger to form a circle is "ok" in diver hand signals, or thumbs down to say "down" would have also made sense here.

"we weren’t going so far down us to face any darkness that our torches couldn’t handle." - if this is a Canadian, wouldn't they be using "flashlight" rather than "torch"? Any Canadians here to answer this?

a lot of talking about pressure and darkness, which would be the Buried and the Dark. I think deep water is one of those instances of the edges bleeding together.

"I think it was a hand, but I could not see enough to be sure." - Huge humanoid creatures in the ocean are called "Ningen" btw (yes, "ningen" just means "human" in Japanese). It's a cryptid that surfaced (ha) in the mid 2000s via urban legends on the internet.

"Then it moved, slowly but clearly, and I realized how far away it still was, as it got bigger and bigger and bigger, and I could see nothing else" - parallels to Ex Altiora here.

"It was the jagged metal of the hole itself that saved me in the end. As I cried out in horror, I felt the sharp edges of it digging into my hands as they gripped it, and the unexpected burst of pain snapped me out of whatever it was that held me in place." - One example of how to escape the grip of an entity.

Does that bit about Simon Fairchild there in the end of the statement imply, that he yote himself over board?

Simon Fairchild and his many shenanigans. He even created artefacts in the 30s.

Interference sounds while talking to Not!Sasha again. I thought it might be Michael already messing with the tapes in MAG 47, but it appears this one belongs indeed to Not!Sasha. Although in MAG 40 there was only static to hear during her statement. Now there's an additional high-pitched noise.

"to spend anywhere from ten minutes to a full hour in Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum." - <.<

The Eye not only makes you reveal personal gossip, it also makes you talk/write in British instead of your normal dialect

#a mag a day #tma #the magnus archives #episode asks #mod ashes #tma spoilers #mag 51 #lycanlovingvampyre

[otakween]

Digimon: Digital Card Battle (2000) - First Impressions

Okay...why is this game kinda hard? I don't know if I just chose the worst possible starter deck (Armadimon), but I'm getting my butt kicked. The first game did not start off this hard. I don't think I had my first loss until like mid-game. Oh well, I'm still managing to beat people after a few tries, so I guess I just gotta be more patient.

Notes:

-My first impressions are...kinda disappointed unfortunately. They've simplified things in a way that's really taken away from the personality of the first game in my opinion:

I do prefer the anime portraits over the 3D models, but they're not as expressive! As far as I can tell, you get one model per character and their expressions don't change if they're happy, sad, shocked, whatever. Really hurts immersion and feels lazy.

The dialogue isn't as colorful! I don't know if this is an English vs. Japanese thing, but the dialogue seems shorter and more to-the-point. Less flavor text so far, in other words.

Battles are all arena style now, which I personally don't like. In the first game characters would challenge you to battles via dialogue, so they felt more like natural encounters. You never knew if a digimon would ask for a battle or not. Here you just go to the designated battle place in every town and are forced to sequentially beat a bunch of digimon without any breaks in-between. Game one had one arena, it feels weird to have so many.

Instead of the characters moving around or existing in their own spots, you just go to the "battle cafe" to talk to them all in one spot. Convenient, but boring. There's no real sense of exploration!

Somehow the battle interface became uglier in this one. There's just way too much going on on the screen and it's kind of hard to look at. I do like that you can cancel moves now though, that saves me from moving too quickly.

I'm hoping this changes but so far I haven't seen any card shops?? That would suck if I had to just rely on the crappy card drops after each battle...Again, I'm guessing there will be a card shop somewhere eventually.

-Now onto the good: I think the deck editor has improved somewhat, you get more of a reward for winning a battle, and it's fun seeing new digimon/02 characters. Some battle stuff feels a little more intense now too, like there's a new animation for digivolving.

-Why is Babamon back? Is this a different Babamon or are they just retconning game 1? -shrug-

-So I'm not overly impressed so far, but still looking forward to seeing where this one goes. So far it just feels like a blah-er version of the first game. Of course, I'm like 4 hours in, so plenty of time to improve!

#digimon #video games #digimon digital card battle

[krysmcscience]

I would be lying if I tried to claim I didn't have any Mew Mew OCs, and here is the proof of it!

First up is Mew Griottine, also known as the only Mew Mew OC I put any real thought into, who's infused with giant phantom jellyfish DNA because they're the rarest of jellyfish, the overall populations of which are exploding worldwide due to climate change and very likely eking out other species in the process - sort of like how the aliens want to oust humans??? And also the alien parasites are jellyfish??? Actually you know what, maybe I don't need any excuses for wanting to make a jellyfish alien Mew Mew OC even though there are literally no known endangered jellyfish and also no alien Mew Mews, lol

Unless...Kish, Pai, Taruto, and Gateau are the only members of their species with powers...? Aside from Deep Blue, obvs. Intriguing possibility there, tho, considering we never see any other aliens do anything special. Maybe the five aliens we know about were the real Mew Mews all along...! 😱

Or maybe the real Mew Mews were the friends we made along the way...

Dumb jokes aside, she ended up with a non-pastry name because she's chiefly a Mew Mew and Griottine sounded like guillotine, which is cool and why I gave her a bladed weapon instead of some kinda thinly veiled instrument. Granted, the only instrument that would have fit for a jellyfish Mew Mew would be a bell, and Ichigo kinda took that option already, sooo ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Also the only pastry i could find that fit Griottine's dark cherry color was clafoutis and that sounds, uhhhhh, bad. But at least griottine can go on pastries, so that's gotta count for something, right? Right.

Moving on to Mew Popcorn, who was originally devised in the mid-2000s as a parody Mary Sue, because back then I guess I was really annoyed about self-insert characters for dumb reasons I have since grown out of? I redesigned her a couple times after that, because she was a Complete Ichigo Ripoff at first, and then Way Too Risque for even my own comfort, but I think this will be the final design. Outside of Tokyo Mew Mew fandom, she is now in fact a fully-fledged character (named Poppy) in a multiverse of mine, but is still a magical girl of sorts, because I simply can't take that bit away from her. She also is still a big ol' slut (affectionate), and tends to hog the spotlight by crowding out the actual main characters, regardless of how much it annoys them.

Mew Popcorn was originally infused with absolute stupid nonsense - as in, not anything even remotely endangered - but now she gets to be a moth, because moths are neat and I love them, especially sphinx moths. I have her weapon drawn somewhere else, so for the record, and because she is Max Diva who always steals the show, it's based on a conductor's baton (and because she's a slut it uhhhhh also kinda looks like a sex toy ahaha). I don't even remember why I named her Popcorn, outside of maybe as a joke about eating it while watching OC-related discourse unfold. Or how many boyfriends she goes through. It was definitely a joke, though, but alas...it has been lost to time. (Which is probably for the best, tbh!)

I will probably draw their Return/New designs at a later time. For now, uh, have fun with looking at these, I guess.

Byyyeeeeee

#tokyo mew mew #mew mew oc #original characters #mewsona #i guess??? #they're not me tho so i dunno if that fits lol #jellyfish #moth #giant phantom jellyfish #blackburn's sphinx moth #tempted to tag with the scientific names like a NERD #SO tempted #(barely resists temptation)

[theliterarywolf]

Staying Red. (Lol) It could be about Mei and her friends, and how she kinda sees all the issues her friends have as well. She's older "Ya'll don't know how hard it is to be me!" and that's the jumping off point. Yeah being a Panda is hard, especially when growing older, but her friends also have problems. You could include the cultures of the other girls + Tyler. Maybe show how Priya handles being Goth-in spirit, and how that clashes with the more vibrant Indian culture? How does Tyler handle being himself, trying to be a tough guy, while also being not-as popular as he wanted to be? How do his parents deal with expectations for him? Abby being so loud and up and going, but maybe at home she's a lot more reserved, so all that pent-up energy comes out when she's with her friends. Are Miriam's parents really as laid back, or is there something more? It'd also be interesting to explore more coming-of age topics but also cultural. Though I guess those would be too heavy for a show, ie: The creepy belief that women are impure on their period, which is perpetuated everywhere in some form. Or how some girls are expected to cover themselves after they reach teenhood. How do culture and society influence them when growing up? What if someone wants to let go of their religious or cultural roots, but can't because of the family? How do you deal with -phobic parents when you realise you're LGBTA? Gender expression as well, Miriam is more tomboyish, how do people around her view that? What about interracial relationships? How do you deal with the racism and prejudice from people around you? Especially your friend's family. -(We only got to see how Ming was always pointing fingers at Miriam, while ignoring Abby and Priya. But we still have the other families. Also, I've seen someone note how East Asia has an older generation who dislike the other countries, Ie China against Korea and vice versa bc of the war, how would that influence the dynamic of the older generation of Mei and Abby's family?) How do you approach cultural appreciation? Being invited to festivals of another culture, or the likes? What about appropriation? What about the use of "Western name" where a person has a name that's more Western, while also having a name from their native culture? (Abby could be a stand in for that, where she reveals her Korean name?) What about losing parts of your culture, like not knowing your ancestral language for whatever reason. Or being removed from your culture. Especially if you still have family in your ancestral country, who you do not understand. I'm also still curious about the families of the girls in the movies time frame, like what about Abby and Priya, and Miriam. I know it was more of a throwaway scene, but I feel there might be more.to it. I also realise that not all of these topics really fit into the mid-late 2000's era storyline, I think a lot of awareness only really came up the beginning of the 2010's and from there to 2015 when the ball started rolling. But many of the topics themselves

So I'm going to have to put my thoughts on your ideas under a 'Read More' because the submission was a bit on the longer side. That being said

I think if 'Staying Red' was based on the main group being in high school, then covering those kinds of story-topics would be possible (that would put them at around 2006 or so?)

But, yeah, I could definitely see episodes surrounding the other main characters going along the lines of:

Priya - she's managed to convince her parents to let her have a few Goth elements (i.e.: her nails, her reading choices, and maybe by high school incorporating more black into her wardrobe), but one day her grandmother moves in and starts talking about how Priya 'dressing like a witch' will make her unmarriable.

Abby - I could see something like Abby being so wild and crazy in school and with her friends due to her being more-than-encouraged (hint-hint) to be quiet and demure at home. There could also be an episode about Abby feeling conscious about her weight and coming to terms with that.

Miriam - With Miriam, I know there is a Turning Red book that has glimpses into the other girls' families, but I never read it. As is, I imagine Miriam being the only girl in a family of rowdy, stocky boys. We see her having a more tomboyish style but there could be an episode where she has to confront her dad about only seeing her as another son rather than his daughter. i.e.: Miriam could have a very upsetting day at school but when she tries to talk to her dad about it, he goes 'Come on, Mir, man up', causing her to blow up at him 'Dad! Just because I play hockey and wrestle a-and dress like this doesn't mean I'm a guy!!'

In regards to the racism and prejudice with one's parents against one's friends, they could more formally address the whole 'Ming not liking Miriam' thing that was hinted at in the movie.

I would be very interested to see an episode about Abby having her native name. Let's say: Tyler has to go drop something off for Abby due to her being sick from school one day. However, when he tries to go to the salon that her family owns and asks for Abby, the people working there don't know who he's talking about. In addition to that, they aren't too crazy about him staying so long... Until Abby comes downstairs, says something to the people working there, and then goes outside with Tyler. He asks what the deal was and she mentions 'Oh, they only know me by my Korean name' but then Tyler veers it into 'Uh, no, I meant why were they so freaked out by me being there?'

There's so many ideas that could be done with a hypothetical Turning Red spin-off series. I would hope that Pixar would consider something like it.

#submission #long post

[rata-novus]

so the harvestella demo was fun. keep in mind i’ve never played a squenix game, and the only farming sim i’ve played is stardew.

-no dialogue was kinda weird at first, but the music is beautiful so in the end i didn’t really care. it’s kinda like an older loz vibe, just sounds and that’s okay

-character creator was meh. you can change hair, eye, and skin color. a nonbinary option is nice, but i wanted more options (not even hairstyles???)

-combat was fun, until i was mid-fight with what i’m sure is the end-of-demo boss. i had no food that increased my stamina (only hp) and so i got the boss down to 25% health and could no longer attack. at all. i guess i would have to spend 2000 game-currency to install a counter in my house to be able to cook to make myself stamina-increasing food, not to mention growing/gathering the ingredients, and i’m on day 11 so we’ll see if that can be done before the demo runs out.

-i get the whole time cycle thing and having to be in bed at a certain time yadda yadda, but when you’re going through a meandering dungeon and have to back out to go home and sleep and then spend half of the next day getting back to where you were yesterday, that’s not so fun imo. especially because time seems to move so fast. if only there was like.... a camping kit you could use/craft to be able to sleep in safe zones in the dungeon so you wouldn’t have to do this back-and-forth rush.

-the environment was pretty, i don’t meant this in a negative way but many times i thought “oh this is just like botw”.

-the story is intriguing. like, i genuinely REALLY want to know more about aria, the omen, and these gigantic crystals.

-it has inverted horizontal camera controlls. as someone who can’t play without, i always appreciate knowing when a game has them!!! i once tried to play a game that only inverted BOTH horizontal and vertical at the same time and it was like wearing those drunk goggles i could NOT walk in a straight line.

-fishing is VERY EASY. not a bad thing, but if fishing in sdv turns you off this is so much more chill.

-harvestella does that thing where you can see an area you KNOW you will be able to get to eventually but not how or what tools/skills it takes to get there and i love that so so so much in games. like i’ve encountered multiple areas where i can bomb rocks/crystals to ???? i don’t know. i don’t even know how to get or make bombs in this game yet. the mystery is so intriguing i love it.

-there’s a hot older lady blacksmith

-a grumpy unicorn teaches you how to use magic

overall, i liked some things and really disliked others. i can see a lot of potential, especially for the characters, but. for $60 USD i would definitely wait until a bit after full release to see what the post-demo game is like. i’ll be keeping my peepers out for full gameplay reviews, myself.

#the h files #harvestella #def a fun time for a free demo tho

[postguiltypleasures]

My Peak TV Journey: *The Marvelous Mrs Maisel* 

A show I really want to talk about, but dread the discussion around. It is fraught. There are questions of authentic representation of Jewish life, what the audience is supposed to be charmed by versus turned off by. And to talk about it I also have to talk about the show’s creator, Amy Sherman-Palaldino’s previous shows, and that is less fresh in my mind. I don’t think the show is great. But I think some of the criticism are off base, and in someways might be missing the forest for the trees. 

I generally like Sherman-Palladino’s first hit, The Gilmore Girls, but didn’t watch the whole thing. A little baffled that now it seems ubiquitous in a way it wasn’t when it aired. I get that it is better for syndication than a lot of shows from its era, but it was on the lowest rated network! Almost canceled after the fourth season! The show’s creator/show runner left before the final season because the network did not think she was worth the money! Also people seem to think it was actually from the 1990s when it was of the 2000s. Some of the plots about the running of Stars Hollow felt like light satire of the Bush/Cheney administration, but I guess that feeling was lost in time. There were also a lot of pop culture references to events such as how ubiquitous The Lord of the Rings films were at the time. 

Anyway there isn’t exactly a dialogue between the two shows, but there are enough points of intersection that a comparison is useful. For example in the pilot, Midge makes some jokes about her daughter being ugly, in particular a too large head. Gilmore Girls fans may remember a seen in which it’s revealed that there are literally no pictures of Lorelei as a baby because Lorelei burned all the photos and the negatives after her parents had made too many comments about her too big head. This was a signal that Midge’s humor wasn’t going to be portrayed as consistently charming, and that Sherman-Paladino’s would agree with the people Midge rubs wrong. (It was also a reminder that Midge is of Emily Gilmore’s generation, and that maybe comparing Emily is a better comparison for her than Lorelei.) 

First, I need to say that despite fondness for Gilmore Girls and the short live Bunheads, I didn’t actually get around to watching the first three seasons until after the third season dropped, well into the time of COVID. I am sure that this affected how I experienced the show, especially regarding Midge’s career trajectory. Binged without the large gaps of time between seasons, the tension between whether or not things come too easy for Midge and how she can’t get out of her own way can feel more purposeful than I think the show is given credit for. Maybe it’s not about the early days of a mid twentieth century comedy giant. Maybe it’s about why there really weren’t comics like Midge, while giving Sherman-Palladoino and her creative team the opportunity to revel in the aesthetics and references of a period for which she loves the pop culture? The third season’s occasional musical numbers felt like the most pure show of love of that aesthetic. Meanwhile the plot had characters talking about bye eras racism, homophobia, and the lingering effects of the black lists.  It’s not exactly a critical take on the era, but it creates a tension that is interesting, if not exactly pleasant to watch. A YouTuber I respect said it was the best season yet. I don’t agree, partially because it was an awkward watch, and mostly because I hated the plot about Midge’s parents, the Weismans moved in with her ex husband’s parents the Maisels. The objections to the Maisels coming across as bad stereotypes  of Jews, (with the added insult that those characters are played by real Jews while the less grotesque Weismann’s aren’t) is best  supported by this storyline. The season four plot tries to make up for this, acknowledging that the Maisels really are decent, loving people, and not playing up the more annoying/grotesque traits. The season also has more explicit references to how tied up in organized crime everyone is, which, among other things, made the Maisels corruption less objectionable. I was really glad that this season was released after You Must Remember This’s “Sammy and Dino” season. It’s an interesting counterpoint with the Weisman’s slowly extricating themselves from their larger incomes with unpleasant origins (Rose as an oil heiress, Abe’s time with Bell Labs) and regularly having less to fall back on. One of the post I did here that continues to get likes on here is about the grand unifying theme of Sherman-Palladino’s work being “loving one’s creature comforts a lot, but also being weary of their price.” Much of the above illustrates this. 

The first season of the show sometimes presented Midge as someone with a strong sense of her authentic self, with something of an allergy towards phoniness, hence her extreme dislike of Sophie Lennon. As someone who is suspicious of the concept of an “authentic self”and thinks there is a lot of pernicious implications in it, I am the intended audience for all the ways that fails her. The times her extemporaneous stand up fails the hardest. The ways that it acknowledges her often blinkered view. I generally loved that the season ended with Lenny Bruce* reprimanding her about not playing the game. 

I am generally uncomfortable with Bruce as a fictional character on the show. It’s a combination of not feeling like I know his material enough to say if it is a good interpretation of him, and mostly knowing him through his self proclaimed successors like George Carlin and Joan Rivers, who I have mixed feelings about. 

#Peak TV #What I'm watching #The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel #amy sherman palladino #the gilmore girls #authorial themes

[spinningbuster98]

Here we start with the infamous Krauser knife fight!

So perhaps the only aspect of RE4's gameplay that hasn't aged the best is its overuse of quicktime events. This is one of the games that, in the mid 2000s, popularized the usage of QTEs, the main reasoning behind their inclusion according to the devs is to increase the amount of tension and paranoia that the player would feel, making them feel in danger even during cutscenes, in a "I can't take my eyes off the screen for a second because danger lurks everywhere" sort of way. I guess I can see it, but in practice this means that you'll likely find yourself dying suddenly with little foresight

To be fair: RE4's QTEs are actually simpler than what we're used to nowadays. There are no long, complex button combinations to input, they usually come in 3 flavors: having to push both trigger buttons at the same time, square and X at the same time, or having to mash a specific button for a few seconds.

The knife fight is the exception however, as it's one long stretch of QTEs which, while cool looking, will get you killed if you fail even once

Similar deal with the laser room right afterwards. It's so random and out of nowhere too, I love its goofiness

The first boss you fight is U-3, this...horrifying abomination that you'll first have to avoid while navigating a very narrow maze, making for a very tense and horror filled experience, and after you get out you can finally bring the fight to it

As for the actual fight against Krauser well...

I like the idea, but the execution is far too clunky

Having to go around collecting puzzle pieces while Krauser springs traps on you all military style is cool, but this is one instance where the game's tank controls genuinely feel at odds with the enemy, as Krauser is way too quick when compared to Leon, and after he transforms and starts protecting his face with his "bone shield", forcing you to either shoot at the legs (which are, again, moving very fast) or be insanely quick in dealing damage to him during those brief moments when he drops his shield to attack you, all the while having a timer ticking down, yeah it's very awkward. One way to cheese the fight is to actually, and I shit you not, use the knife! What is normally the weakest weapon in the game actually deals major damage against Krauser, I guess as a reference to the earlier knife fight, making the fight go by very quickly like this. Still, you probably won't know this without looking it up on the Internet as it's supposed to be a secret

#resident evil 4 #my gameplay #Youtube

[littlewalken]

feb 21

Rain or not we have to go out and do real life stuff and things. The only driver in the household seems to forget we have a good car now that can handle weather.

Next paycheck I think I know what kind of shelves I want to get for my books. Too many things sold as book shelves couldn't handle the weight of my circus history coffee table book, Bowie's Moonage Daydream, and all those Cure books.

I also get to look for an interesting shelf to go in the corner outside of my door to hold interesting items.

But damn if I'm not starting to feel better in general as I get more fresh air and realize the last place had a nasty carbon monoxide leak and only the drafts and kitchen door that wouldn't completely shut was keeping us alive.

Next time we're given a GTFO notice after 10 years during a pandemic with an eviction moratorium and the only place we can find is where someone died but we're white ladies and don't care about that I'll put 'make sure stove doesn't leak' as a priority.

And to splain more to a doll board member about moving/storing all the extra stuff we're now getting rid of-

We're generational hoarders

The move in 2021 was a 60 day notice for a place we spent 10 years at, a double wide trailer with 6 "bedrooms", out buildings, critters and so on. There was no time to sort, only pack and condense anything you wanted to keep which included all of the mooch's things because we didn't know the bitch was going to abandon it all. Something something guess where I found things I haven't seen in years something something.

The shit shack didn't have any sort of cabinets or closets so we had to provide our own storage and not knowing where we were going to end up the smothering unit thought we'd need it.

I had bought a teal iron in the mid 2000s for my sewing, suddenly it had vanished from its place, was told it probably got swept up in a junk purge because no one (me) was using it. I buy my purple iron to replace it. On arriving here we not only find the teal iron but an older one I could have used. Only the purple iron remains in the household.

Things we once did use, like the three different colored sandwich keepers, but either our lifestyles have changed and we do not need them or they have bad vibes and have to leave the household for spiritual reasons.

Shit like clothes the mooch used to wear all the time that I would set fire to and go cold/naked before I ever wear them.

Stuff I haven't seen in decades because when we were young we moved so much that we had boxes with multiple names on them and not only would my things get repacked because I hadn't done it "right" they would also end up in someone else's room because of reasons I still take Repressitall for.

The shit shack was supposed to be the place of sorting but as it was literally too small to even breathe in all that had to wait until we got the room and now we're also on the same page with a lot of this shit.

Meanwhile I did do some free writing yesterday, my Imagination Land trips are still to Grease 2.

Kind of wandering around with different times in the plot of when and how Michael could have told Stephanie that he's the Cool Rider. Good exercises for writing and I might be able to pull something a bit more original out of it later.

Things swirl around like "he knew what she tasted like" and when Stephanie figures out/is told Michael is the Cool Rider it becomes their shared secret. The Cool Rider is the talk of the school but no one else knows it's him.

Talk about remaking a movie that had a good idea but didn't quite execute right.

Getting more and more ready to sew but I want to get my PVC needlework frame here, to see if that will affect how I paint with Inktense on fabric, and a few other odds and ends. I would like to have my everything here and be done with the storage trips before I really get in to an astronaut project.

[tehuti88-art]

5/26/23: r/SketchDaily theme, "Free Draw Friday." This week's character from my anthro WWII storyline is PFC/Lance Corporal Reseda Rat. He plays a big role in Silver Rat's character development, though it's a side plot I haven't worked on in a long while. There'll be more about him later in my art Tumblr and Toyhou.se.

Regarding his design, he seems a bit too young and naive here, may need to tweak him sometime.

TUMBLR EDIT: Well...I've had a really, really rough couple of months (I'm typing this in mid/late-July) and haven't had time to catch up on my blog or other things. So I'm not in a very good place to be my typical longwinded self just now, though I guess I'll manage. I have to admit I don't have as much to say for Reseda as I should, though. He hasn't opened up to me yet.

I can say that Reseda, and Silver along with him, were the main driving force behind the circa-2000 reboot. I had plans, and I think maybe I did start, to write a novella "extracted" from the main plot of The Trench Rats, focusing solely on these two's subplot, and entitled "Tough Love." And...huh, I only just now realize, a year and a half after the series has rebooted for a second time, that the circumstances of this newest reboot are eerily similar. Although I still don't understand why a plethora of new and revamped characters, as well as gluts of new plot, have suddenly sprung to the surface this time, I do recall the single circumstance that led to it. Again, I don't know why, but I started thinking about a character I'd never been very interested in or spent much time on, either Papillon or Drake--I think it was Papillon. He just randomly popped into my head; don't know why. I then for some reason pondered the possibility of him getting into a relationship...with another male character. I paired up Papillon and Drake, started writing a scene...then another, unfamiliar character crawled out of the woodwork, requesting a scene: Otto Himmel. And then the floodgates opened.

Well...circa 2000, a similar scenario emerged, only thus time featuring Silver and newer character Reseda, and somewhat more ambiguous in nature. While Drake and Papillon are certainly gay, it's a lot murkier with Reseda and especially Silver. I think Reseda is actually bisexual yet much prefers men; there's a scene where he spends the night with a couple of female prostitutes, but it's mostly to distract himself from his thoughts about Silver, he has to get really drunk to go through with it, and he doesn't end up enjoying himself at all. I imagine it isn't the only time he's been with women, he just really doesn't prefer it. So either he's "kinda" bisexual, with a distinct preference for men, or he's simply in denial.

Silver...I'm not sure how to even describe him. His orientation is an anomaly to someone like me who prefers labels to make things clear. I'm pretty sure Reseda is the only male he's ever been with or wanted to be with--if the two of them were to break things off, he'd never start a relationship with any other man, because as I think he tells Reseda at some point, it's just not what he's interested in. He's apparently never had any longterm relationships, though he's been with women before. For all intents and purposes, he's straight. Just not when it comes to Reseda. Reseda is the one exception. Thing is, if they were to break things off, I don't think he'd start a relationship with any other women, either. Once he and Reseda grow close, he simply has no interest in anyone else, period.

So I'm not sure what exactly you'd call a situation like this, where somebody is arrow-straight until they meet just this one person they'd not only switch teams for, but quit the game entirely except for this one. Silver doesn't neatly fit any label I know of. There are lots of newer labels I'm unfamiliar with, though, so maybe he fits one of them.

Anyway...moving back to Reseda. I sadly don't know anything about his past before joining the Trench Rats, except that he's rather naive and idealistic. He's one of the newer, "second wave" of Rats who come over to replace those killed in the German attack on Headquarters, which eradicates about a quarter or a third of their number; many of the older/original Rats are either still dealing with the trauma or are outright hostile to the newcomers despite being on the same side, so the newer Rats have a lot of navigating to do to earn the others' respect. Silver is one of those holding a grudge, though he has extra reason to feel resentful: He was a member of the tiny exploratory unit that was trapped in enemy territory before the US even entered the war, whose members were absorbed into the newly formed Trench Rats First Battalion when they arrived to rescue them. He and Indigo were the unit members with the most time in and experience; therefore, they expected some sort of leadership positions in the battalion. These places were already taken by Sergeant Camo and Corporal Drake, however. While both Indigo and Silver were placed in charge of their own companies, and Indigo was additionally placated with a position in the medical unit, Silver never got over his grudge at being passed over for a more expansive leadership role. Result, he has an extra pissy attitude and often takes out his spite on his own company. He never does anything that crosses the line, but he's definitely earned a reputation as an a-hole, especially among his own men. It's a good thing he's skilled at what he does--sneaking into enemy territory to steal documents and kill Nazis by snapping their necks before vanishing unnoticed, a talent which earns him the nickname "Der Silbergeist" along with a top spot on the Reich's most wanted list--because most of his fellow Rats can hardly stand being around him for long. He's Aryan and comes from a higher-class background, so that combined with his already haughty and hostile demeanor makes him very difficult to get along with--and it's not like he makes any effort to be more approachable on his end, either. If anything, he's just fine antagonizing everyone else to keep them at arm's length.

This is the environment Reseda sets foot in when he joins the Trench Rats. He's assigned to Echo Company--under Silver's command--and quickly learns why Silver is both highly respected yet highly despised. Most of his fellow company members are easy to get along with, commiserating over their shared nasty treatment at Silver's hands, though Reseda does manage to cross somebody here and there. Citrine Rat is one such; jaded, cynical, and poor tempered, he picks up on Reseda's inexperience and idealism and targets him accordingly, making him the frequent butt of spiteful jokes. There's a "snitches get stitches" mentality in the trenches, so while most of Echo Company don't actively participate in Citrine's a-holery, they don't really push back against it, either. Reseda also quickly learns that when it comes to being targeted for pranks or outright attacks, he's pretty much on his own and just has to deal with it. One odd circumstance is that Silver, whenever he witnesses such things firsthand, is quick to punish such behavior--there's room for only one a-hole in his company, I guess, and that's him. This isn't terribly helpful for Reseda, though; every time Citrine gets caught and punished, he gets even more spiteful, and it isn't long before he outright hates Reseda's guts. His formerly mostly harmless pranks start taking a decidedly vicious turn; Reseda suffers more than a few scrapes and bumps dealing with him, even though he's physically bigger and stronger than Citrine is; he doesn't believe in turning on a fellow Trench Rat, and keeps hoping Citrine will lose interest in him, though as the days go by Citrine's hostility just seems to grow. Reseda can't even figure out WTF about him has pissed Citrine off so much; just typical inexplicable bully behavior, I guess.

One day events finally come to a head and in the middle of an argument, Citrine physically attacks Reseda; at first Reseda attempts to merely stave off his blows, but after a few minutes is forced to fight back. He's not as skilled a fighter as Citrine is, but like I said he's bigger, plus he has a lot of pent-up anger over all the weeks/months of poor treatment at Citrine's hands--it isn't long before he starts giving as good as he gets. Citrine is nearly overpowered for a moment, surprised by the normally mild Reseda's sudden burst of rage, but he too recovers quickly, and the fight is basically an even one. The two of them have pummeled each other black and blue by the time someone shoves them apart, yelling at the top of his lungs; Reseda tries to take a step forward to get at Citrine again, only to see that it's Silver who's pushed them apart. He looks even more pissed off than Citrine--and seeing as Citrine doesn't make any effort to get past him, Reseda decides he better not, either.

Silver: "WHAT THE F**K IS GOING ON HERE!" *glares first at Citrine, no response, then at Reseda* "SOMEBODY better answer! What is this!"

Reseda: *pause* "Personal disagreement."

Silver: *glares at him a moment, then back at Citrine*

Citrine: "Personal disagreement."

Silver: "That's how it is, then...?" *waits, no further response* "Fine. You two like blood and guts so much, report to the medical ward. Now!"

Reseda and Citrine head back to Headquarters. Both of them are confused--Reseda by his refusal to blame Citrine, Citrine by Reseda's refusal to blame him, both of them by Silver's choice of punishment. Nurse Lyndsey Skye is equally perplexed when they arrive--at first assuming they're there to receive medical attention themselves--until Reseda admits, "I think we were sent here to be punished," then she fetches the chief surgeon, Burgundy. Burgundy reacts the same way as Skye, who then says, "They believe they're here to be punished," at which point he gets an odd look and merely says, "Oh." Reseda and Citrine spend the rest of the day scrubbing and wiping up blood and other unpleasant substances spilled in the medical ward. They even witness Burgundy get to work on a badly wounded comrade who spurts blood all over the place (making Burgundy pause just briefly to take a breath), standing at the side of the room and staring silently until he's stabilized and taken away to a bed. As they start cleaning up the new mess, pale and shaken, Citrine mutters, "Better get used to it, kid. You'll be seeing a lot worse."

After their stint in the medical ward is over, they're directed to Charlie Company, led by Copper Rat--"Looks like I'm stuck with you two for a little while. At least TRY to behave yourselves...?"--and spend some time patrolling the trenches at the edge of the woods where HQ is located. Reseda is disgruntled when he sits down not far from Turquoise and Turquoise responds by getting up and moving some distance away before sitting down again. ("It's nothing personal, kid," Copper says when he notices Reseda's reaction, though all Reseda can think is why does everyone keep calling him "kid.") This goes pretty uneventfully until they're released back to Echo Company. Citrine pretty much leaves Reseda alone after that (weirdly, Reseda finds that he almost misses these interactions, he's become so used to them, and hasn't really connected with anyone else); Silver is another story. He apparently takes to watching Citrine and Reseda like a hawk; Citrine's been around long enough to know how to keep his head down (now that he's no longer targeting Reseda), yet Reseda's still pretty green. (Uh...heh...heheh. No pun intended, heh.) Result, EVERY little mistake he makes, Silver is right on top of it to give him a public tongue-lashing. This is so wearisome and humiliating that Reseda finds he preferred Citrine's attacks since at least those came from an equal; to keep getting lambasted by his company commander wears on him. It isn't long before he starts to carry a grudge against Silver and rather wishes something nasty would happen to him. Just to take him down a notch.

At the same time, though, he learns the ropes himself, learns how to better interact with his fellows to make himself useful, and witnesses Silver's own skills in action enough to at least respect him for that, if not for him as a decent person. He also gets a better look at what exactly Citrine meant with his warning. His company is on hand along with Charlie and Delta Companies one day when the Rats get wind of a small Nazi camp and set out to try to liberate it. Before they've reached the clearing where the camp is supposedly located, Reseda and several of the others notice Turquoise, walking toward the front, slow down and then crumple to the ground, clutching at the dirt and gasping for breath. Thinking he's having a heart attack, Reseda reaches for him but Copper pushes him back with a sharp shake of his head; he silently gestures at the others to have their guns ready for whatever they might find, before carefully hooking his elbow under Turquoise's and helping him to his feet. Turquoise halts again just outside the gate and Reseda hears him say, "There's nothing," before they head in.

They find that the Nazis evidently got word of a potential Allied approach ahead of time and acted accordingly. All of the prisoners have been killed, and what few guards remained behind committed suicide. Most, though, simply fled. The Rats silently peer at the scores of skeletal bodies left behind, alone and in piles; there's nobody left for them to rescue. Turquoise, who's managed to pull himself together, heads toward the main guard post and here they find a lone survivor--one of the SS guards--though he's badly wounded from a half-botched shot to the head, and obviously doesn't have long to live. Even Indigo and the other medics in Delta Company see no point in trying to save him, even if they wanted to. Reseda learns later on that this guard's dying emotions were what Turquoise had picked up on as they approached the camp. The Rats gather around him and stare as he bleeds out and pants weakly, blinking back up at them. "What was the point of this, mate?" Indigo asks; nobody really expects an answer, and the guard's breath rattles and then stops.

The Rats determine they can't handle the situation alone; they're going to need assistance dealing with the bodies. Copper leads a handful of them further into the woods until they come across a tree with an eye painted on it; a few armed partisans appear, and after a brief consultation the group continues. Reseda gets his first glimpse of Didrika's encampment. Didrika is the Roma leader and lone female of the sprawling group of mixed German and Soviet partisans; she comes out to speak with Copper, who seems to be on good terms with her, though Didrika's companion, a hulking Russian named Boris, makes Reseda nervous; he doesn't seem to like the Trench Rats at all. Didrika offers what men of hers aren't too superstitious to deal with the dead in the camp, and sends a runner to contact another network of partisans led by "Major" Champere (note, he seems to have originally been a sergeant major in my character list, though I lean toward him carrying the self-appointed rank of major) and ask for further assistance from him. Champere's men, while more reclusive, aren't nearly as squeamish as Didrika's, and a large group of them accompany the runner back to Didrika's camp and then they all head to the Nazi camp. They start the somber business of bundling up the bodies and helping to transport them to Trench Rats Headquarters for possible identification.

Silver, meanwhile, has the members of Echo Company go through the sparsely furnished buildings on the property, seeking any papers, records, or documentation the SS left behind. Reseda feels skeezy digging through the goods the Nazis took from their prisoners--spectacles, shoes, clothes, even teeth. When he gets to the small personal items such as pendants, rings, watches, he falters, especially when Silver tells them to hurry and finish up. On hearing that these things are to be left behind again, he feels a twinge of spite, and asks another Rat to help him gather the items in a sack; without Silver's knowledge he heads back outside the camp and seeks out Didrika. She crosses herself when he shows her what he found and says he'd like to make sure the items end up in the right hands, whether it's with surviving family or buried with the dead or what; she then calls one of Champere's men over. Didrika instructs the newcomer, Papillon, to help Reseda out. Papillon doesn't react the way Didrika did when looking over the sack's contents. Upon learning that Reseda is the one who rescued the items, he says, "This was very kind of you," and agrees to help return the items where they best belong.

Silver is too busy dealing with the documents left behind to notice Reseda's preoccupation elsewhere. Reseda gets some help from Mahogany, who manages most of the prisoner records; they and Papillon question some refugees in Trench Rat custody, managing to figure out how best to dispose of the items. Most are left to be placed with the dead, though a few items are returned to surviving family members. "Most people wouldn't go to this trouble," Papillon tells Reseda before they part ways.

Reseda: "I figured I'd get a bunch of questions why, to be honest."

Papillon: "No point asking why someone wishes to be kind. I figure you have your reasons."

Reseda: "What about you?"

Papillon: *pause* "There was someone I cared about. Once. Someone like those people."

Reseda: "What happened...?"

Papillon: *long pause* "I'm not sure what happened to him." *forces a smile & wave* "Adieu, and look after yourself, oui?"

Papillon spreads his wings and flies off (something that always catches the landbound Trench Rats off guard) before the words completely register in Reseda's brain. He's not entirely sure why, yet they stick with and niggle at him, how casually Papillon let something like that slip.

In the original version of events, some neglectful action of Reseda's helped lead to Silver getting captured by the Nazis. I was still going to go with this, but if I do I'm not sure how it pans out. In the current version, the primary catalyst behind Silver's capture, when he slips behind enemy lines as he has dozens of times before and gets inside Project Doomsday headquarters, is Teal Rat. Teal, one of Silver's former co-members of the original reconnaissance unit which was absorbed into the Trench Rats, was captured when Doomsday Rat was freed, and has been subjected to various kinds of torture and experimentation ever since, despite his status as a special prisoner. A complicated series of events leads to trouble for Silver on what should be a routine mission. The doctor in charge of the experiment, Kammler, has been pushing against the SS's restrictions on what treatment he can subject Teal to; just prior to Silver's arrival, he utilized an especially nasty punishment for the Trench Rat's resistance, granting a Nazi sergeant named Lange access to his cell. Lange is well known (and despised) for his brutal treatment of his unwilling male partners, and Teal is no exception. This is the event that finally breaks Teal, and he promises to do whatever Kammler wants. When Silver abruptly appears and runs into him, they're both stunned--the Rats had been just about certain Teal is dead by now, and Teal has been convinced by Kammler that they're never going to come for him. Indeed, Silver isn't there to rescue Teal, yet he promptly changes his plan, and starts trying to think of a way to get them both out of there--when Teal suddenly starts screaming, "Der Silbergeist! DER SILBERGEIST!!"

Silver commits his first actual mistake, hesitating briefly, he's so confused by Teal's behavior. He belatedly gets the idea to get TF out of there. Unfortunately, the nearby Nazi guards hear Teal's screaming and come running immediately--Silver, used to taking advantage of sneaking in secretly, has no such advantage anymore, and is quickly captured, Teal pointing at him and yelling the entire time. He's easily taken into custody, Kammler is called, and it's a very big development, somebody as highly wanted as Der Silbergeist finally being apprehended. As he's restrained and taken away, Silver hears Teal babbling to Kammler, "I got him, Der Silbergeist, I got him for you," like a child desperately seeking approval for a good deed, and Kammler actually coos at him that he indeed did well. Silver is brought to a strange medical room--there's a barred cell taking up one wall, a Jewish prisoner inside staring at what's going on--and restrained to a table. He refuses to answer any questions despite being cuffed, then punched, then beaten. Dr. Kammler then calls Sgt. Lange, and he and the others leave them alone. Things take an especially dreadful turn.

Some time later, Lange departs, fists bloody, fuming and believing Silver to be dead. In reality, he's merely unconscious; as soon as he awakes, he starts trying to free himself despite his immense pain. The Jewish prisoner, Jakob Wolfstein, tosses him a shiv he's been working on, and Silver cuts his restraints before working to get Wolfstein's cell open. With Wolfstein's help, since he can barely walk, Silver escapes, and the two manage to make their way into the countryside surrounding the city and disappear into the woods.

Almost before they've even gotten news of Silver's capture, the Rats learn of his escape, and that he's been taken in by Didrika's band of partisans. Plans are immediately made to go negotiate for his release, since Didrika rarely offers any kindnesses for free. Among those chosen to meet with the partisans are Burgundy Rat, Lyndsey Skye, and a handful of other Rats including Reseda. Reseda is absolutely agonized over this turn of events, partly because he blames himself. Even if none of his actions led directly to Silver's capture (need to work this part out), there are still the bad feelings he had about Silver, as well as the now-searing memory of a brief interaction he had previously with Didrika. She'd noticed, on the last interaction between her group and Echo Company, the vague hostile attitude between him and Silver, and half-jokingly warned him against using the evil eye so casually. When Reseda scoffed that there were no such things as curses, Didrika replied, "Careful, gadjo. Just because you don't believe in a curse doesn't mean it doesn't believe in you." Well, Reseda remembers his earlier vague, spiteful wishes for something to happen to take Silver down a peg...and now Didrika's warning takes on a lot more significance. He finds himself increasingly convinced that he's the reason Silver went through what he did, and the guilt is nearly overwhelming.

There's a bit of drama when the Rats reach the partisan encampment (Skye doesn't appreciate a joke Didrika makes at Burgundy's expense, and smacks her across the face), though as soon as Burgundy belatedly arrives they get down to business. Didrika reports that Silver is alive and in one piece, but in quite poor shape--she and the camp's doctor have been tending to him, and he needs a bit more rest before she'll let him go. Wolfstein, the only direct witness, is available to fill in more details that Didrika refuses to; the way she keeps the story vague unsettles Reseda and the others, so they can assume that something really awful must have happened. Reseda doesn't get to hear what Wolfstein tells Burgundy, though he does see how Wolfstein's eyes well up and he puts his hands over his face at one point. Burgundy haggles with Didrika and agrees to provide the partisans with penicillin and various medical supplies in exchange for Silver's release and some crates of oranges, then goes to check on him for himself. The others are invited to stay for supper, during which Didrika stops by Reseda's spot for a bit and chats with him. Getting the distinct impression she's sussing him out, he tries to keep his answers guarded, though it soon becomes clear she's picking up on a lot more than he's saying--including his guilt over Silver's fate. "You seem quite close, to care about him so much, gadjo," she says, which completely catches him off guard--"Close? I can't stand him!" Reseda blurts out, at which Didrika's mouth twitches and she says, "You have an odd way of showing it, then."

The Rats spend a couple of days in Didrika's camp--during which she appears to be flirting with Reseda at times, and he learns about the odd relationship she has with her men--before Silver decides he wants to return to Headquarters. He insists on walking out on his own, though the going is quite slow, with him limping along and having to stop often to catch his breath. Wolfstein appears and insists on walking alongside him, although he refrains from touching him. The other Rats are struck silent when they get their first look at him; his eyes are both black and still somewhat swollen, bruises litter his ribs and arms and legs, his wrists and ankles have ligature marks, and he shuffles in obvious pain. He speaks softly--not at all his usual snapping tone--though when both Didrika and Burgundy suggest he stay in the camp and rest a bit longer, a familiar bite enters his voice and he says he's going back to HQ. Even Burgundy, who far outranks him, knows better than to argue. The Trench Rats and Wolfstein depart back for Headquarters.

Silver is given a bed in the medical ward to recover in, and spends quite a bit of time heavily drugged and sleeping. Wolfstein submits to a physical exam; while in unusually good health (he'd been fed better while in Kammler's custody than he had while prisoner in a camp), he's still quite thin, and has obviously been subjected to experimentation and torture--Burgundy is especially livid to see the vivisection scars he bears. Echo Company is temporarily left without leadership and so "merges" with Copper's Charlie Company in the meantime. And Reseda finds himself left with a lot of thoughts. Thoughts primarily about Silver. The longer he thinks about him the more he starts to realize he seems to have feelings for him...and not the feelings he'd thought he had.

He finds himself worrying about Silver's welfare constantly, asking for updates on his recovery whenever someone has reason to return to HQ or the medical ward. He even ignores the looks he gets from Citrine and the others. He spends his days with his insides in knots, especially when furtive rumor starts to spread about exactly what it was that happened to Silver during his brief time in Nazi custody. Reseda isn't sure whether to believe the rumor or not; he tries to question Wolfstein about it when he gets the chance, but Wolfstein refuses to go into any detail about what he saw, saying instead, "All this is between Herr Silbergeist and Herr Doktor and Herr Gott, it's not for me to spread to the wind. If you care, just pray for him to get better soon, ja?"

Reseda knows at least two other people are in a position to know if the rumor is true: Didrika and the partisan camp doctor. When he gets the chance to speak with Didrika again, again he asks. She pauses before saying, "If you want truth, why don't you ask him yourself. I figure whatever he wants anyone to know, he'll tell." Reseda says, "I don't think that's the kind of thing he'd want to talk about," to which she replies, "You have your answer then, gadjo," and leaves. Reseda is startled when Boris halts beside him and leans down close to say quietly, "Best let some things go unknown, droog. Save yourself trouble. He want to say, he say. Otherwise, let go," and follows her. Reseda belatedly recalls the dark look that flitted across his face as he asked the question, but he can't think of why Boris would care at all. (See Lange's entry, HERE, for the most up-to-date version why Boris cares at all.)

Eventually, Silver returns to Echo Company and things return to normal...well...sort of. Everyone tries to act like everything is the way it was but they find themselves unintentionally walking on eggshells around him, and it's obvious this irritates Silver. He isn't quite as snappish as previously, however; much of the time he seems distracted or inattentive. The rest of the company responds by basically figuring things out on their own, having to deal with minimum input from him, though of course this isn't a feasible course of action in all circumstances, and they endure a few close scrapes due to Silver's lack of attention. Reseda steps up, keeping rather close to him while trying to not be obvious about it; whenever Silver's attention is needed he does vague little things to catch it again. It's a tedious, constant job always keeping an eye on him while trying to look like he's not, but it's all he can think of to keep Silver out of trouble; he still blames himself for his capture, and wants to make up for it. If Silver's attention wanders too much, he could end up losing his command--or getting someone killed.

Silver isn't completely stupid, though, and catches on to how Reseda always seems to be around now; he finally calls him out on it, getting fed up with his constant presence. Reseda's forced to explain his actions, and that includes mentioning his own guilt. Silver frowns, an odd combination of irritation and confusion, and says, "You didn't have anything to do with that." Then when Reseda admits to hoping something bad would happen to him, Silver's frown just grows and he says, "You don't make something happen by thinking about it. Now knock it off and quit harassing me."

Reseda backs off, but just enough to look like he's not fixating on Silver anymore; he still does what he can to cover for his negligence. Which, BTW, just seems to worsen. Silver's temper becomes erratic, and every once in a while he zones out or engages in irrational behavior that's nothing like his usual self. There's even an occasion when he almost gets shot and killed by a German sniper, Ratdog, yet Ratdog refrains from taking the easy shot at the last minute, and even prevents the young Wehrmacht private with him from following through instead; after a brief argument, Ratdog yells out something in German at the Rats, then the two depart. One of the Rats translates the message: "He said he won't take an unfair shot. He'll wait until you're better, and then he'll kill you." (This just peeves Silver, who insists he's fine.)

Reseda tries to find ways to distract or dissuade himself from his growing feelings; one of these attempts involves hiring a couple of prostitutes. (He doesn't go looking for them, though they manage to coax him into it.) He figures passing the night with a pair of beautiful and attentive women should jar him out of his thoughts, and it does help for a little while, until one of the women picks up a hint that he might be more into men; she makes a furtive joke to her companion and they laugh, at which Reseda, humiliated, slaps her. The women apologize, though Reseda is more dismayed by his own actions; he leaves them and decides never to try that again, since obviously it didn't work. They were right--his heart wasn't really in it, and he wasn't really into them. There isn't much point denying it now, although he does futilely attempt to shove down his feelings for Silver in particular. He figures Silver can hardly stand him as it is.

Back in Echo Company, one irrational behavior of Silver's that Reseda witnesses is him compulsively rubbing at and washing his wrists, where slight scars from the leather restraints are still slightly visible yet the bruises are gone; when he notices that Silver is starting to rub his wrists raw again, he asks him to stop, then orders him, then grabs his arm to make him stop. And gets punched in the face in return. He's too startled to be upset, just presses his hand to his eye at the pain; he blinks a few times and notices Silver staring at him with an expression he imagines is exactly like that he must've had after slapping the prostitute. Like he can't believe he did such a thing. Reseda takes a few breaths to steady himself before saying, "There's nothing there anymore. It's gone. The only thing still here is you."

Silver stares at him a moment more. Then, out of nowhere, kisses him, hard. Reseda blinks again and makes a noise, surprised and confused, yet after a few seconds relaxes. As abruptly as it started it's over and he's left standing there still blinking and gasping; Silver has a very odd look he can't describe, though he imagines he doesn't look much different. Then Silver turns and quickly walks away. Reseda returns to the company and everything resumes as before, as if nothing happened; he even finds himself wondering whether he dreamed it, though he knows he didn't. He's pretty sure how he feels by now, but Silver's reaction to his own actions mystifies him, and he has no idea what, if anything, to do about it; suddenly Boris's advice to just let things be seems prudent.

He does try again to distract himself, this time with an older German resistance sympathizer with whom the Rats come into contact, named Vischer. Like the prostitutes, he notices the hints Reseda tries so hard to keep secret, and offers him a temporary diversion. Reseda visits with him for a while, though it's obvious his mind is elsewhere, and Vischer finally broaches the subject, after Reseda unthinkingly calls him "Silbergeist." Reseda is of course mortified, but Vischer isn't upset; he knows he's not the one Reseda wants. "This just brings up the question, why are you here with me?" he says. "When it's plain you long to be with someone else." Reseda admits that he doesn't believe Silver would be interested.

Vischer: "You know this for sure?"

Reseda: "I've never asked him, but it's obvious."

Vischer: "How is it obvious?"

Reseda: "I mean...you know who I'm talking about, right?"

Vischer: "Everyone knows der Silbergeist. But how do you know what he thinks of you until you ask?"

Reseda: "Some people make it pretty damn clear."

Vischer: "And how exactly has he made it clear what he thinks of you?"

Reseda starts to answer, thinking of all the times Silver's berated and upbraided him in front of anyone else...and then he recalls their last, very confusing interaction. He'd actually mentally downplayed it and tried to forget, yet there it is, still stuck in his head. Vischer notes the look on his face and says, "I'll assume it's not so clear then after all, is it." He adds, "I won't tell you to stop coming by...but what it is you really want, really need, I don't believe you'll find it here. And you won't be happy until you do find it."

Reseda finally gets the hint; there are no distractions that will get him over his feelings for Silver. He refrains from directly dealing with the issue for a time, though one day when he spots Silver rubbing his wrists without noticing it brings the emotions back. When he says, "Sir...?" Silver mumbles, "It feels like they're still there." Reseda instantly understands--the physical wounds may be long gone, but the mental ones are still quite fresh. No wonder he keeps trying to wipe them off. Reseda hesitates a moment before crouching in front of Silver and gently but firmly grasping both of his wrists, covering up the scars. Silver instantly tenses up and looks at him, a hostile but weirdly glassy and detached glint in his eyes--he looks about ready to punch him again. "They're gone and you're here," Reseda says again; Silver blinks, and his eyes clear--like somebody waking from a dream. After another moment he kisses Reseda again and Reseda returns the gesture.

The next day Reseda is the one with all kinds of confused emotions. Company life goes on the same as always, so he keeps his thoughts to himself; he knows he's been an unfortunately open book in the past, so worries a little that this will again be an issue, but nobody seems to notice much or care. Only once, when his mind wanders, Citrine snaps, "Back to earth, kid," and he keeps better track of his thoughts. He does notice, on the other hand, that Silver doesn't seem as distracted himself as before, and he doesn't see him rubbing at his wrists so much or staring off into space. It's as if he needed something to jar him out of it. Reseda doesn't mind taking on some of his scattered thoughts in return, though he wonders what, if anything, this change will entail between them. When he finally (and awkwardly) gets the chance to ask, Silver tersely replies that he doesn't know, either. He's a lot better at hiding it, yet is just as perplexed as Reseda is.

Unlike Reseda, Silver's not really into examining his emotions; it makes him painfully uncomfortable. (I imagine having a profession in which you snap people's necks like you're opening a soda bottle can make one less prone to introspection.) He prefers to compartmentalize and keep things from getting messy. So Reseda's early insistence on them figuring out where they stand with each other wears on him, and he's rather short tempered at first. He does start trying to respond more rationally, but still has no answers; this is the first and only time something like this has happened for him, so he can't explain it. Reseda, too, forces himself to not be so pushy and just try to accept it. They're careful to keep things discreet (a few parties suspect something is up, yet never act on it), though they effectively become a couple throughout the series. (One thing I forgot to mention, Reseda learns that Silver actually hates being called Silbergeist--as that's what Lange kept calling him during his ordeal.)

Skipping ahead, as much of Silver's and Reseda's relationship isn't mapped out yet. This part, too, is still highly under development and so may change. Toward the end of the penultimate story arc, Silver goes missing and is presumed captured and killed by the Nazis--he was the one most wanted, after all. Reseda is devastated--he tries what he can to find out what became of Silver, yet at the same time, can't reveal WHY he's so invested in what became of him or why he cares so much. Gold, now sergeant of the Trench Rats, insists they're doing all they can to try to locate him, but adds not to expect miracles--the final days of the war are chaotic and messy and at one point, even the body of Indigo, the leader of Delta Company, goes missing. "You have to face that it might be that we never find him (Silver)," Gold says; when Reseda retorts, "No man left behind! Isn't that what we always say?" Gold looks wounded and replies, "We say it, and we mean it. But this is reality. It's different here."

Reseda lingers in Germany for a time and enlists LC Mahogany's help in questioning anyone who might have any knowledge of Silver's whereabouts. Former members of the Axis seem most in a position to know, although there are few who are willing to assist. Two who bother to speak with them are SS members Major Konstantin Klaus, the former commandant of the local labor/extermination camp, and Captain Otto Himmel, who once oversaw Dr. Kammler's work. (Kammler himself was killed by Teal.) Both had survived capture at the war's end (though Klaus was beaten and nearly killed by his own inmates) and stood trial for their crimes; Klaus was found guilty of more serious charges yet granted a deal for his cooperation so is serving a prison sentence, whereas Himmel was found guilty of a lesser charge, also cooperated, and was let go. Reseda and Mahogany visit the castle prison where Klaus is being kept; yet, "I can tell you Herr Silbergeist was never placed in my camp, Herr Reseda," Klaus informs him, "I'd remember if so." That leaves Himmel, who following his release returned to the farm where his son Kolten, formerly one of Kammler's test subjects, was previously sent to live; Reseda sets out to see him.

The trip there is a long one and along the way they meet an unexpected party: Ratdog, the same sniper who once relinquished his easy shot at Silver. Although he'd had several other chances, he never followed through on his vow to kill Silver. They pass not far from Ratdog's home while on their way and he comes out to confront them, rifle at the ready; Mahogany talks him down, as Ratdog doesn't speak English and Reseda doesn't speak German. He still seems vaguely hostile until Mahogany explains their reason for passing through; when Mahogany mentions "Herr Silbergeist" Ratdog looks directly at Reseda with an odd frown. Upon learning of Silver's disappearance his demeanor shifts; he offers to accompany them out of the woods along the way to the Albrecht farm where Himmel is. He says something to Mahogany before taking the lead; Mahogany murmurs to Reseda, "He says he's sorry to hear what happened. He always respected Silver and hoped they might meet and talk someday. As equals."

As they walk, Ratdog eventually falls back into step alongside Reseda; Reseda, preoccupied with his own thoughts, tries to ignore the way he peers at him sideways. After a while Ratdog speaks quietly in German; Reseda of course doesn't reply. A brief pause, then Ratdog says, "Du hast ihn geliebt?" "I don't speak German, sorry," Reseda says with mild annoyance; there's another, longer pause, Ratdog appearing to rack his brain, before he says in halting English, "You loved...?"

Reseda has to force himself not to shiver at the icy prickle that runs up his neck; he recognizes it now, the odd look Ratdog had been giving him--the same look the prostitutes, and Vischer, and Didrika once gave him. Somehow, he can tell. And he realizes he doesn't even have to ask how he knows--he'd noticed another look in Ratdog's eyes when they met. Grief. Reseda doesn't know the details, but he can tell Ratdog's lost someone, too. He doesn't respond to the question, but Ratdog appears to understand his reluctance; he says something else as he turns back to mind his own business, and they continue walking. He parts ways with them when they reach the edge of the field land upon which the Albrecht property is located.

At the Albrechts', they meet Himmel. Mahogany again explains the situation, though when Himmel replies he speaks accented yet flawless English. Like Ratdog, he's dismayed to learn of Silver's disappearance, though he has no answers to offer. "Many things and people went missing in those last days," he says, including lots of SS documents related to Project Doomsday, and his own employer, Major Jäger. He suspects this was deliberate, but that's all he knows. He starts to suggest, "Do you think it's at all possible Herr Silver went missing intentionally...?" but when Reseda quickly shoots this down, he just as quickly backs off. He promises to let them know if he hears of anything else, but there's nothing he can offer right now. As the Rats prepare to leave, he adds, "I'm sorry about your friend, Herr Mahogany, Herr Reseda. Herr Silver was...is...very brave and resourceful...if he's in any sort of trouble, I know he'll do all he can to get out of it."

Upon return to the new Trench Rat Headquarters--the previous Project Doomsday headquarters--Mahogany asks Reseda what, if anything, he'd like to try next. Reseda, demoralized, is out of ideas, plus, it's time for him to go home; he doesn't have any connections left holding him in Germany. Mahogany offers to get in touch with him if any other info comes to light, and Reseda finally heads back to the United States, dejected.

Reseda has no family (that I'm aware of); he takes a job, moves into an apartment, lives alone. The thought of moving on and finding someone else, even as a temporary diversion, doesn't cross his mind; he'd rather just be on his own. He's gotten used to his solitary life, and the hole in his heart, after a year or two has passed, when one evening a quiet knock comes at his door. He almost never gets visitors, so this jars him a bit; perplexed, he goes to unlock the door and peer out. For a few seconds all he can do is stare, dumbfounded, at the face staring back--he can't believe it's Silver, yet it is--older, gaunt, yet the same Silver he last saw so long ago. He seems just as surprised to see Reseda although he knocked on his door. After a confused moment Reseda opens his door wider and steps aside; Silver silently enters and he closes the door again.

Silver sits on the sofa and doesn't talk as Reseda fetches something to eat and drink, unsure what else to do; his thoughts are racing now and he has to force himself to not bombard the other Rat with questions as he brings him a plate and mug. Silver shows no interest in the food but does sip his drink when Reseda urges him to, then grasping it in his hands and staring into space a moment or so. "What happened...?" Reseda at last prompts him, unable to hold it in any longer; Silver looks at him glassy eyed yet says nothing, so Reseda adds, "Where did you go?" Silver just stares at him another moment, then they both gasp and jerk back--the mug has shattered in his hands, liquid spattering them both, shards flying. He'd been gripping it so tight it broke. He blinks at the sight of blood on his hands; Reseda hurries to fetch a towel, sitting down beside him and carefully pulling a few slivers of ceramic free before wrapping up his hands. Silver blinks a few more times, takes and lets out a breath, and relaxes as if finally pulled back down to earth.

Hesitating here and there, he starts to explain, though it's obvious his thoughts are muddled. He's only just returned from Germany. It's too soon for word to have reached Reseda yet about all that recently happened; Silver lays it out the best he can. He heard rumor in the final days of the war, during one of his solo excursions, that the SS was making plans to abandon project headquarters yet not Project Doomsday itself--they had a contingency plan to keep the experiment going from a new location, somewhere far to the south in the Alps. The destruction of Project Doomsday has long been the Trench Rats' primary goal; for it to continue even after the then-impending fall of the Third Reich is unthinkable. Silver had no reasonable time to notify the rest of the battalion, knowing they would need to make detailed plans of attack that would take far too long to enact; taking a calculated risk, he did the only thing he could think of, and let himself be captured.

Reseda: *sharply* "What--?" *Silver flinches, Reseda takes a breath & lowers his voice* "How could you do that--? After what--after what already happened? They could've killed you."

Silver: "They never wanted me dead."

Reseda: "Still. That wouldn't have stopped them from doing anything else."

Silver: "Kammler and that a**hole were dead. Also they weren't the SS."

Reseda: "What are you talking about?"

Silver: "We read the files. The SS didn't sanction any of that. They weren't even interested in me. The only thing they were interested in was Projekt Weltuntergang--Project Doomsday. Everything else Kammler did, he did on his own."

Reseda: "I don't understand what you were thinking."

Silver: "The only use I had to them was for intel or for experimenting. And by then they didn't need any more intel."

Reseda is stunned to find out that Silver basically offered himself up to be part of the believed-defunct Project Doomsday, which had in fact been resurrected at the last minute as Project Ultima Thule. Silver outlines how after his capture by the fleeing SS forces, he was transported south, into the mountains, where he was brought before an officer he took to be in charge of the whole thing. Calling himself Ludolf Jäger, he was oddly courteous to Silver, appearing to see through his plan to allow himself to be captured this time: "The last time was an unfortunate fluke; I find it strains credulity that you'd unwittingly be caught a second time. In other words, Herr Silbergeist, you're not that stupid." He explained that Silver could either consent to become a test subject, or have it forced on him; "Not much of a choice," Silver said, though the reaction he got from Jäger was unexpected.

Jäger: *smiles* "It's not quite the punishment you think. In fact it's no longer a punishment at all. Things have changed since you were last with us. We've put a lot of work into this, into perfecting it, and we're very close. This isn't the old serum you've heard of."

Silver: "I've heard of the side effects, is what I've heard of. And the numerous failures."

Jäger: "That was then, Herr Silbergeist, this is now! I promise you, things have changed. It's like alchemy, you know alchemy? Refining a base substance into gold. This has always been the goal, to take the Untermensch and refine him into an Übermensch."

Silver: "I know full well what you people do to an Untermensch and it sure doesn't involve 'refining' anything!"

Jäger: "It's as I told you, Herr Silbergeist, things have changed. That was the Third Reich which has fallen. The Fourth Reich arises in its ashes like the phoenix! Glorious and new like the dawn! It's true my views are different from the base views of my former comrades. That's why I'm here now, and they're not! Darwin was right! Just not in the way everyone else thought. You can only winnow out so much chaff! What if chaff is all there is? You're left with nothing! The others had it all wrong with their gas chambers and their firing squads. I'm rational enough to admit I'm not perfect, Herr Silbergeist. Herr Gott or whatever divine power created us created none of us perfect. This is where they got it wrong. No one is born an Übermensch. There is no Herrenvolk. Not yet! It needs a hand in coming to fruition, in evolving. It needs refining! Not throwing the lead away, but turning it into gold! So much waste and destruction the Third Reich stood for, yet this time around it'll be different. No more Weltuntergang. A new world! A better world. Perfection needed a hand in achieving, and Ultima Thule is it. The TRUE Final Solution! The Magnum Opus!"

Reseda listens to all this with a blank look. "What the f**k," he says simply when Silver falls silent, to which Silver replies, "Exactly. He was a batsh*t lunatic."

Jäger explained that the experimental serum had finally, successfully been tweaked enough--in a lab other than the one run by Kammler, where Himmel had constantly sabotaged the project--and so its effect on subjects was different now. Whereas previously it had often been excruciatingly painful, especially on those for whom it was unsuccessful--which was almost everyone, considering it was effective on only one very rare blood type mutation--now it could be administered with minimal difficulty, and had proven to be beneficial to everyone who took it so far, although to differing extents. "It still needs a bit more perfecting before we have our Philosopher's Stone," Jäger had said, "but with every subject, we get a little closer to achieving godhood." He urged Silver to take the serum willingly--"It won't hurt, Herr Silbergeist, nothing but the prick of the needle, and I know you can handle that." When Silver asked him how he could possibly know this, Jäger beamed and replied, "Simple, Herr Silbergeist, you're seeing the results. I've already taken the serum myself."

It's true--not just Jäger, but the other remaining SS members who fled to the Alpine Fortress with him, took the Doomsday serum and now not only had varying increases in strength and stamina, but were essentially immortal--almost nothing could kill them. Jäger proved this after a fashion by taking his Ehrendolch and slitting into the side of his neck--Silver couldn't help letting out a distressed sound as blood from the severed jugular and carotid started spitting and pouring down his uniform. Other than a brief moment to take a shaky breath and apparently get used to the shock, though, Jäger seemed unaffected, even continuing to talk: "See, Herr Silbergeist...? Anyone else would be dead within moments. You'll see it isn't so with us, and it can be the same for you. Imagine...being one large step that much closer to godhood. As strong as an oak, as strong as Donar, able to withstand all pain and adversity. This can be you." He then took his hand away from the pulsing wound and to Silver's astonishment, the cut in the skin had largely closed already and the blood flow was diminishing. "What do you say, Herr Silbergeist...?" Jäger asked. "Join us on your knees, or standing on your feet...?"

Silver says he took the only real choice available--willingly subjecting himself to the serum. After all, he'd let himself be caught; of course it wouldn't be easy. Surprisingly, just as Jäger said, the first infusion didn't hurt aside from placing the IV; afterward Jäger informed him that it would take more infusions, and some time, to notice the full effects, but he should start to experience some soon. He invited Silver to dinner with him to discuss future plans and further explain what he was to expect in his role in "this wondrous new Reich." Part of this involved him outlining the purpose and preparedness of the Alpine Fortress, starting to refer to Silver as "Kamerad" (marking him as an equal), and fitting him for a strange new version of the traditional Allgemeine-SS uniform, except white rather than black. It wasn't long before Silver was convinced none of this was an act--Jäger genuinely believed in his plan, and fully intended to implement it or die trying. He was a bona fide fanatic.

Silver originally intended to try to kill Jäger, and with hope the budding new Reich would die with him, but this idea was promptly scuttled when Jäger introduced him to some other residents of the Alpine Fortress: His wife, Magdalena, and their nine young children: the eldest, Leopoldine (actually Jäger's adopted daughter, her father being another SS officer Magda had a brief relationship with before moving into the Lebensborn home where Jäger met her), Lisbeth, Liesl, twins Lars and Lara, Lothar, twins Lilli and Lotti, and the youngest, Liane. As Magda warmly welcomed Silver he noticed she was pregnant--"Our tenth, yet just as loved as our first," she said, blushing, "I'm going to have to think of a name soon!" The thought of killing an entire family, all of whom but one were innocent, turned his stomach, and he decided he'd need to take some further time to become familiar with the Fortress and try to figure out another plan of attack. (During this time, he started noticing the effects of the serum kicking in, including increased strength and lack of sensitivity to pain--effects he displayed when he broke Reseda's mug by merely holding it.)

Silver outlines events as he witnessed them in the Ultima Thule story arc, which takes place shortly before his return to Reseda. (Let me slip back into present tense here.) He opts to remain in a largely background role, ostensibly to observe for Jäger, in reality to work on his own plot to bring down Jäger's Fourth Reich. Jäger lets him, and Silver watches events play out. This includes the "resurrection" of Silver's former comrade Indigo, whose body was retrieved from the trench where shrapnel felled him in the war's chaotic final days; Jäger explains the serum has this miraculous ability as well, to restore life--of a sort--to those who have recently died and been preserved, so long as their brain is intact. Silver takes note of this latter detail as a potential weakness as he observes the process. Unlike with those who are alive at the time of administration, subjects like Indigo react more like zombies, unspeaking and mindlessly following orders. Silver also notices the hazy bluish tint all serum subjects get to their eyes, himself included.

When a small party of intruders arrives--composed of an uneasy alliance of Allies and former Axis members, including several Trench Rats, Wolfstein, Ratdog, and Himmel and his son Kolten--Jäger sets his forces in motion to protect the Alpine Fortress. Turns out that Himmel's theory regarding Silver's disappearance, and Jäger's hand in things, wasn't so far off the mark; Jäger confiscated what Project Doomsday documentation he could get hold of and made off with it, his family, and the remaining SS officers to restart the project from the safety of the Fortress. He attempts to recruit Himmel once he meets his trusted old secretary again--the only reason he hadn't let him in on the plot previously being Himmel's capture by Allied forces--yet Himmel, who never truly believed in SS principles and joined only to protect his son, is appalled by this turn of events--he'd long suspected Jäger was a zealot, just not how much of one. He refuses to join, instead trying to appeal to Jäger about the insanity of his plan. Jäger's just as steadfast in his beliefs, though, and regretfully informs Himmel and Ratdog that they're his enemies now, so the next time they meet, it'll be anything goes. He proves this by unleashing Indigo on them, and the Trench Rats are stunned and confused to come face to face again with their friend whom they'd thought was dead.

Silver remains hidden and unknown to the Allies throughout most of this, though he does engage in whatever acts of sabotage he can manage, including killing off at least one of the SS guards who attack the others; upon seeing the guard's snapped neck--Silver's preferred method--the Rats are even more perplexed and uneasy, but it isn't until much later that he reveals himself to them, or rather Jäger reveals him as his own secret weapon. This is another stunning blow to the Rats, until Silver defects from Jäger's side after causing as much damage as he can, including revealing to the others several locations of explosives stored within the Fortress; the Allies spend the story attempting to wire these for detonation in hopes of destroying the project once and for all. Jäger and his remaining guards prove quite formidable--especially now that Jäger is infuriated and willing to do absolutely anything to achieve his vision--yet the Allies very gradually gain the advantage, even managing to subdue Indigo long enough to administer an antiserum that counters the worst effects of his condition, effectively bringing him out of his zombielike state while keeping his increased strength and pain resistance intact. Silver also informs them that damaging/destroying the brain is the only way to permanently incapacitate the enemy, which helps them pick off Jäger's guards. Details of this part of the plot are still hazy, but in a final confrontation Jäger ends up buried and presumably killed by ice and rubble, and the Allies start to head out, determined to escape the Fortress before the explosives go off.

On their way out, they encounter an awful scene that only proves the depths of Jäger's fanaticism. Ratdog and a Soviet ally (so far unnamed), walking point, crest a rise and spot something on the other side that makes them recoil; Ratdog quickly warns the others they may want to find another way out. He says they won't want to see what's on the other side, and when a few of the others draw closer anyway, he urges Himmel, especially, not to go any further. Himmel ignores the warning and climbs to the top of the slope, peering over; he promptly stifles a cry and stares for a moment before slowly making his way down into the cavern ahead. The others follow. Within is a row of bodies, arranged from oldest to youngest: Magda Jäger and the nine Jäger children. The children, the youngest of them not even a toddler yet, have cloths draped over their upper bodies to hide them from view, yet Magda is uncovered; her death was obviously caused by a gunshot to the head, and there are still tears on her face. It soon becomes clear, based on evidence at the scene, that she, likely with Leopoldine's help, drugged each of the children, laid them out, and after they fell asleep, Leopoldine included, shot each of them one by one, covering them up afterward; as the last to go, there was no one left to cover her. From the looks of it, Magda was crying throughout the entire gruesome process, yet went through with it anyway. It's revealed that Jäger had long ago successfully recruited Magda into his worldview and although she never outwardly displayed the signs (even Himmel never had any idea), she was as much a fanatic devoted to the cause as he was; the two had a murder/suicide pact in place in case of Jäger's untimely death and the failure of the project, and this included annihilating their entire family. Ever the devoted wife, Magda hadn't let Jäger down.

Himmel, who had always wanted a large family and had been especially close to the Jäger children, is hit hardest by this development; "Why? What was the point?" he laments, "I would have taken them in." "I think that was the point," Ratdog replies, and they reluctantly leave the bodies behind, unable to bring them along in time to escape the Fortress. The Alps become the Jägers' tomb as the Allies flee back to safety and the explosives go off, at last ending Project Ultima Thule for good.

Reseda listens to Silver finish his tale before falling silent. "I know I shouldn't have just left everyone not knowing," Silver says quietly, when Reseda cuts in.

Reseda: "Yet you'd do it again. In a heartbeat."

Silver: *pause* "I would."

Reseda: "Because there was nobody else to do it."

Silver: "There wasn't."

Reseda: "That's always been your reason for acting. Because nobody else would do it."

Silver: *long pause* "It's not the only reason I do anything."

Reseda: "But it is the main one. You can't deny it."

Silver: "I never tried to. You can't say you didn't know that."

Reseda: "And I'm not."

Silver: "If this is something that bothers you, you should've said so a long time ago, and saved us both the trouble."

Reseda: *long pause* "So while you're here lecturing me on what I should know about you, it turns out you don't know me at all."

Silver: *frowns & looks at him*

Reseda: "I figured out why you do what you do a long time ago. If I'd had a problem with it, I would've moved on. I didn't. I stayed because I understood. And you're saying you didn't know that...?"

Silver: *long silence* "No...I didn't know. I never understood why you did anything you did."

Reseda: "I suppose it kills you, admitting that."

Silver stares at Reseda for a moment or so more, before his eyes go glassy and he swallows and looks away. He absently rubs at his wrist. Reseda hesitates a few seconds before moving to sit beside him; he grasps Silver's hand and Silver reflexively grasps his back. Silver takes in and lets out a breath, eyes still wet but clearing. When he turns his head back, Reseda presses their foreheads together. "You're still here," he murmurs, "and that's why I'm here," and Silver closes his eyes.

[Reseda Rat 2023 [‎Friday, ‎May ‎26, ‎2023, ‏‎3:00:13 AM]]

#artists on tumblr #ibisPaint x #SketchDaily #original characters

[tmlfan1977]

In just under a month's time, Keith and I will be heading to Canada's Wonderland in Vaughan, Ontario. Although I haven't set foot there in 14 years, it has always remained one of my all-time favorite places to visit!

Widely known as Canada's premier theme park, Wonderland first opened in 1981. I'm unsure if I was there during the park's opening year as I was only 4 years old at the time, but I recall having visited annually shortly thereafter. I have so many wonderful memories of that place!

Back in the 80's, Hanna-Barbera cartoons reigned supreme, and throughout the park on any given day, costumed employees would meet and greet park-goers dressed as the Smurfs, Scooby-Doo, Fred Flintstone, Captain Caveman, etc. There was an area of the park known as Hanna-Barbera Land which featured an area that resembled a real-life Bedrock. From the building structures to the seating, it was pretty great, especially when you consider that as a kid I would come home from school every day at lunch to watch The Flintstones on television. This was my utopia! They even had outdoor dining tables that resembled The Flintstones' car. I loved it!

They had a roller coaster there called Dragon Fyre (which happens to still be there today). At the time, it was the park's only looping coaster. For two years in a row during the early 80's, I had attempted to ride it, but I had not yet met the minimum height requirement! By the third year, I was finally tall enough.....and it was glorious!

I've always loved thrill rides, even at a young age. There wasn't anything I wouldn't ride. Mind you, having not gone in the last 14 years is somewhat worrisome. I'm now 46 with various aches and pains. I also take medication for high blood pressure. Something tells me I'm going to come back from this excursion either crippled or dead. But to hell with it! Let's throw caution to the wind!

One of my all-time favorite things at Canada's Wonderland has to be the funnel cake. No one makes it like they do. I always made sure to get one every time we'd visit, and this time will be no exception. Served with fresh strawberries, strawberry sauce and vanilla soft serve ice cream, it's almost worth going just for that. Heaven!!

Another great thing about the park I thoroughly enjoy are the shows. They have a diving show where divers jump from atop a waterfall on Wonder Mountain, the centerpiece of the entire park. This year they also have a stunt show, and a circus performance in the large air-conditioned theater. They even have a dog show where canines perform a series of different tricks, etc.

I've seen some great attractions in past years which included laser light shows, a "School of Rock" musical revue, stunt performances, and a killer "Days of Thunder" motion ride!

There was a time from the early 90's to (I believe) the mid-2000's when Paramount Pictures owned the park. A lot of the rides were themed after Paramount movies including "Top Gun", "Tomb Raider", "The Italian Job", etc. When the park was sold to Cedar Fair, most of the ride names were changed. "Top Gun" became "Flight Deck". "Tomb Raider" became "Time Warp", and "The Italian Job" became the "Backlot Stunt Coaster". To this day, I still find myself calling the rides by their original given names! When Paramount had bought the park in the early 90's, they removed the Hanna-Barbara characters, props and insignia (although Scooby-Doo was spared) for Nickelodeon properties such as Dora the Explorer and SpongeBob SquarePants. Then, when Cedar Fair bought it from Paramount, Nickelodeon was replaced with Charlie Brown and the remaining Peanuts characters. I initially found this move odd considering Peanuts haven't been relevant in quite some time, whereas Nick shows were current and would resonate a whole lot more with kids. But I guess they had to work with what they had.

Some of the rides that were there when I was younger have sadly been replaced. The problem lies with the fact that they lack real estate. At one point, they had sold off a lot of their surrounding land where many commercial properties now stand, and in great abundance. By doing so, Wonderland literally has little room to grow and expand. As a result, some rides get taken down to make way for the new. Rides such as "Jet Scream", "SkyRider", "Zumba's Flume" and "The Great Whale of China" were among my favorites that are no longer in existence.

On the plus side for me, having not gone in almost a decade and a half, there are a plethora of NEW rides I'm just itching to try. So I figure now is a good a time as any. At any rate, our trip should be a fun one. I just hope I make it back in one piece!

#theme park #amusement park #canada's wonderland #cedar fair #vaughan ontario #thrill rides #roller coasters