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snortoborto · 3 months

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Ik this is the only place that anyone will care about my musings about (super culturally relevant in 2024) musical Dear Evan (Hansen).

Idk anyway, it's not really ever been one of my favorites per say, and I know the time has passed, but, I kinda wanna talk about Connor Murphy. (These are all just my takes as someone who likes musicals but doesn't participate in like, musical fandom.)

I think it's very obvious that Evan is supposed to be a pretty relatable character, because of his struggle with mental illness. Feeling anxious and unsure of ourselves, especially in relation to other people, is a feeling we've all experienced, especially a lot of teenagers. That feeling of isolation leading Evan to an attempt, is really raw and resonates with a lot of people. Still, the narrative shows us all of Evan, messy or not. He's young, he's mentally ill, he's human. He makes mistakes that end up hurting people, and we see that all. But I ultimately believe that the narrative eventually portrays him in a very human, forgiving light, by the end. He's a kid who made mistakes. He's well rounded and ultimately sympathetic, while still flawed and uncomfortable. I like that.

I wish Connor got the same grace tbh. All we know about him, the REAL Connor, is that he's a troubled kid, who's perpetually stoned, and nothing more than a bother to his family. He's mentally ill, just like Evan, but where Evan failed an attempt, Connor succeeded. Where I see a difference is in the way their mental illnesses surface, in terms of behavior. Being mentally ill isolates both boys, but in a different way.

Evan closes himself off. He's passive and shy, but has a mom who's constantly trying to be there to encourage him and provide for him. Connor's mental illness surfaces in a different way. He's violent. He's angry. He copes by using drugs. His mental illness is not quiet, does not present passively, and his family rejects him because of that. Even his mom, who wants to love him, only can once Evan presents a version of Conner that wasn't so difficult. Connor is too messy to get the understanding he deserves.

The way that Connor essentially has his voice and expirences taken from him, and softened, sanitized (by Evan) in order to finally gain acceptance from his family and peers is genuinely fucking crushing. The way he couldn't be loved as the person he was, because his coping mechanisms were taboo and his mental illness wasn't docile enough for understanding, kills me fr.

I'm not really sure how much of this is actually planned, thematic commentary, but, just the fact that Connor isn't even THE REAL CONNOR for most of the events of the plot (just Evan's idea of him) feels so fucking sad. Yeah, sure, sad for Evan that this is his only shot at friendship, but mostly sad for Connor that he could never be loved as he was, even by his own family, and only in death, was he sanitized enough to win sympathy and understanding.

He wasn't worthy of love or help when he had loud, violent, ugly mental health episodes. Or when he was using drugs and self medicating on a daily basis, cause all that stuff is uncomfortable. That's the ugly side of mental illness. His family didn't help him, they pushed him away and labeled him as a monster, unworthy of support. The fact that the only thing that softed Connor's family to him was a classmate completely rewriting his life, to make it more palatable is so disheartening.

It makes me wish that the focus was more on Connor and his family, that we got to spend more time with him. Some people are mentally ill in a way that's socially permissible, and some people are simply too sick, so we might as well just treat them like the bad people they were born to be.

Evan does (obviously, it's the whole point of the show) grapple with his actions, caused by mental illness. He finds himself acting immorality and being manipulative, but he's allowed that space to make mistakes. He has to opportunity to learn and begin on his path to forgiveness. Not Connor. He's already too far gone.

His mental illness isn't quiet. It doesn't make him act meek or anxious, like Evan. It makes him violent and angry and I can't help but feel like the narrative is punishing him for that. For having ugly symptoms that hurt people, most of all, himself. I can't help but feel like the way that Evan took full control of Connor's voice in order to make him more manageable is like a condemnation of who Connor was in life. Same with making his family hate him. I feel like I'm being told that this kid was a burnout piece of shit, not worth being remembered for who he was, but Evan's heart is in the right place by trying to whitewash his life, for the comfort of the family that rejected him.

Obviously the point of the show is that what Evan did was wrong, but it's wrong because he lied to his crush and her family, not because he took Connor's voice for his own, when Connor deserved to keep that agency for himself. It's framed as wrong cause he lied to the family, not because he spoke over someone who suffered greatly.

I just feel like the narrative really props Evan up as "one of the good ones" who's just lost his way. I feel like it uncritically frames Connor as a lost cause, scumbag who's family (especially his sister) are right to feel the way they do about him. Its almost framed as like, a fool's errand that Evan wants to clean up Connor's image, post death, and the narrative confirms this by never really giving the real Connor any humanizing moments. He doesn't have the right kind of mental illness to be sympathetic to an audience.

At the core of Evan's wrongdoing is deceiving Connor's family and the public for personal gain. It's the feelings of Connor's family (who hated him) that are the ultimate concern. Connor, himself, hardly even matters. I'm not sure if that's intentional or not, but it still feels...dismissive and malicious towards anyone who has a more stigmatized form, or outward expression, of mental illness. It feels like saying: "here are the traits of mental illness that you're allowed to have and can heal from," whatever Evan has going on, "but these ones (violence, anger, substance abuse) make you a lost cause and justify your family and peers hating you."

There's so much there with Conner as a character. So much wasted potential. Idk, I just always imagine the narrative from his side whenever I re-listen to the soundtrack. Cause I'm not an Evan, in terms of how mental illness has affected my life and relationships. I'm a Connor.

#dear evan hansen musical #dear evan hansen #dear evan #evan hansen #connor murphy #sincerely me #musicals #mental illness

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dawnssummers · 1 year

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i think it's that angel (show) has a lot of the past coming back for you and you will never quite break free even while you are moving beyond that to help people. and holtz kidnapping connor fits right into this. but connor existing at all makes him a kind of miracle son specifically angel and darla's son and it's life from death or whatever i'm not really into the babies as miracles idea but it is sure framed that way, and he only exists because at one point Angel As He Is Now was willing to give his life to save darla's soul. moving forward vs the past being there. etc. but then outside of Any of that the dynamic btwn angel and connor suggests a totally separate cycle of familial violence that i have clearly latched onto partly bc i like how it ends ... like the whirlwind does cyclical violence but this is directly about being shaped by your upbringing (what we know or can make up abt angel's) and then connor as angel's son and i think that's what makes it hit. the vampirism is a huge part of it but not nearly the whole of it. and then angel's final act in trying to show connor he loves him is to give connor a new life completely. anyway what i ACTUALLY wanted to say the jasmine arc feels so incongruous because she comes from nowhere she belongs to her own whack storyline just because idk cordelia couldn't have a normal person pregnancy noo it had to be mystical and involve her body being hijacked because truly it feels as though the story unfolded around that... the aspect of connor being open to further manipulation bc of his unstable upbringing (which. further confusion because holtz surely did care for him he just cared about hating angelus more) is in fact a pretty decent emotional/plot point minus the connor being a father thing that was icky and unneeded and didn't add anything as far as i'm concerned. but the concept works i just would have done it differently and better. anyway still a connor enjoyer

#not gonna reread to see if these are even sentences . just like rotating connor again

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i-spaced-sorry · 10 months

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18 and 29 for the fanfic asks 😊

Thank you for sending some in! I'm going to put it below the cut cause my answers got long...sorry

18. What’s one of your favorite lines you’ve written in a fic?

I have a couple from a couple different fics, so bear with me

first one comes from Chicago.... We have a Problem ---

“My CI, Lenny, says that there is no chatter on the streets regarding infections. He says and these are his words not mine, ‘everyone on the streets is just as careful if not more careful about the fucking virus. Barely anyone has health insurance, so why would they create or invest in something that is going to spread and need some shot that you can only get with health insurance’ “ read off Jay from his notepad. Looking up, he scratched his chest and coughed before concluding with stating, “So whoever is doing this is not out on the streets or at least where my CI is working anyway”

---

second one comes from I don't Think We Are In Chicago Anymore ---

“Whoa babe, maybe you should let Jay rest for now,” calmly stated Connor, while resting his hands on his boyfriend’s shoulders. Connor began leading Will out of Post Op, while Will continued to spew words.

Once outside, Connor could tell the tirade his boyfriend was having wasn’t going to stop on its own, so he looked both ways and dragged his boyfriend behind the Post Op tent and locked lips with him.

When he pulled away, Will, with wide eyes, shook his head and stated, “Connor? When did you get here? Where’s Jay?”

---

And the last one is from Optimal Road Trip ---

Smiling, Hailey spoke, “I think those are some very nice cities and very feasible places we can visit. Jay and I will request PTO on Monday when we go in.”

Stretching his back and yawning, Jay adds, “Agreed, now if you don’t need us anymore. I think Hailey and I have a date with our pillows. Please don’t need us until at least 11 am tomorrow” and with that Hailey and Jay hugged Y/N and headed for their bedroom.

---

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

So this was something I wrote when my brain kept me up until 1am when I had to open that same day! I don't think I'll ever fully post this cause it was more of a vent piece than anything, but this flashback could potentially be a plot point in a future fic if I wanted to make something around it.

----

But you remember last December don't you? You know the week of my birthday"

"I remember" was all Jay replied. He remembered that week vividly. The way you were essentially doing doubles, what with a full day of background acting on what was supposed to be a day off to then the next day doing an open shift at the coffee shop, to then hanging with people for her birthday week, to getting sick but pushing it off cause you were supposed to be attending so many things. And for you calling Jay panicking on the train platform because you thought you got pick pocketed and you worked yourself into a panic attack and the only thing you thought about when thinking about how you thought you lost all your cards was that you had things to do with people that required money and you had a big birthday celebration planned with friend at Molly's. But then you called your former roommate and asked if she could look in your backpack and she said you had left your wallet at home. And you didn't even realize what you grabbed instead of your wallet until 3 weeks later.... It was a pad. So yes. Jay remembered the week of your birthday vividly. He remembered how you told him and coworkers that if you pulled a no call no show that they shouldn't be surprised if you ended up getting a psych eval. Thankfully it never got to that point but the train platform panic attack really zapped you into realizing you were needing a break.

#fanfic ask game #thanks for sending some in

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lewyn-martell · 2 years

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I’m the succession anon again…you can dm me at succ-season-3-when, but I’m really busy so there’s no telling when I’ll be able to reply.

Anyhow, I rewatched season 1 episode 1 and 2 and the Shiv and Kendall parallels are there already??

With Marcia & the family trust thing, Logan went to WR to ask Kendall to sign the papers on the trust change because he might not be at lunch ('cause of the deal), and Logan knew this, and told him it's just housekeeping when Ken asked if he needed a lawyer to look over it.

Logan later held Ken's signature against him, and cited the fact he didn't talk to his lawyer about it and that Ken left the deal to attend lunch with their family (for Logan's birthday) as evidence that he's "soft".

When Logan went over the papers to the siblings, Shiv was the first one to ask about the double voting weight, and said she's gonna have to talk to her lawyer about the papers; when Connor said he's going with the majority choice and left, both Shiv and Ken called his name.

On the trust change, at first Roman sided with Shiv in that what Logan's giving them in exchange for their signatures isn't enough; then, when Roman asked Greg to bring the papers over for him to sign in the hospital, Shiv asked Greg to not bring them.

It became apparent that Shiv was never going to sign it in the first place, and despite her and Ken both praising Marcia ("sucking up to her") in front of Logan in episode 1, they were both antagonistic toward her (shown by Kendall's small rant against her and Shiv's demand to see her dad).

When the siblings were forced to pick someone as acting CEO and acting chairman, Kendall reached out to Frank (who Logan recently fired) for the chairman position as in the original plan and was turned down, then when Kendall asked the siblings to support him as acting CEO, Shiv was the only one adamantly against the idea.

Then, Shiv asked Roman to reach out to Gerri for the acting CEO position, and was subsequently rejected and therefore had to support Kendall. Shiv then asked for her opposition to be put on record, and that they agreed on Kendall only 'cause they had no other choice.

Like…it’s them; it’s always been them.

@succ-season-3-when hey I know we've already been messaging each other all the time since you sent me this some weeks ago, but I finally rewatched the first 2 episodes and since I was going to talk about it with you anyway, why not pull out this message and finally give my 2 cents.

And you're completely right that IT'S ALWAYS BEEN THEM... In a way that is almost obvious and why the hell it even took me so long to see it lmao

I think the theme that gets us all these parallels is because they are the main power struggle from the start. There are multiple examples of the two of them heading the arguments or Kendall automatically turning to her to defend his point and plead to get her support, validation or simply her opinion, even when all the siblings are there. Kendall's consistent first instinct is to get Shiv on his side as a priority.

In 1.01, after Logan says he'll stay on as CEO (around the 30:00 mark) and leaves the room, at first Kendall is talking to all of them but then Connor leaves (it's that moment when they both call him back) and he lets his insecurity flow completely and he turns to Shiv to say "This doesn't stand, right???" as if the baby sister who doesn't work in the company would know bsjsbshjsbhabah and Shiv just shrugs at him lmao

In 1.02, around 16:12 when Kendall goes to pitch his plan to become temporary CEO, Roman talks to him and he is a bit dismissive, then fully turns to Shiv to make his case (and you know how Roman has a tendency to lower himself physically to put Gerri above him when he talks to her?? Kendall does the same thing here as a sign that he is trying to reach her in a disarming manner and respecting her authority/power on this stage and wanting to count on it rather than have her submit to his.

Also a nice visual that he is basically begging hsbsjabahha

They both break into argument and Roman is mostly just there watching.

There's another argument that starts at 26:25 and the first part is Roman saying that it could be him (that gets the job) and Kendall completely doesn't take him seriously (honestly, who would at this point) and Shiv breaks the fight between them. The next part is Kendall and Shiv as the two driving forces again while Roman only throws some jokes around.

35:10 is part 2 of the same argument and it starts with Kendall again turning to Shiv to give important news about the Vaulter article. He gets Willa out of the room and tries to get Tom out, but Shiv is against and he drops it. And then, well, there's even a shot of Roman watching from afar while they start their thing yet again.

Kendall is talking technically with all his siblings, but Shiv is clearly the one he wants behind him because I think he knows Roman would follow her and so would Connor.

But Shiv really doesn't want to because, of course, while they were already all resigned about the job before, when Logan went back on his word, all the other siblings started seeing it as a new chance before them (which is why Roman suddenly wants back in again and when Logan tries to lure Shiv in, she says she would only come for the top job in episode 1. Even Connor says he would do it jsbshabahabah).

It's only after all this that Kendall goes to his last resort and tries to get Roman on his side to find a way out of this fight. Shiv and Connor are against it and Roman doesn't help, but he doesn't hinder and Kendall does his best to argument in his favor for Shiv in the scene at 49:08. He manages to convince her (it's that scene where he goes "maybe you wouldn't be his favorite anymore if we backed someone else and the company fell out of the family's hands") and when they all go to the suits to tell them the family stance, he defers to her to announce it and back him, even though she wasn't planning on saying anything.

And all of that is to illustrate where the main conflict for power is and how they are the ones who want to have it the most. They are the two who are the most against the change of the trust, like you said (Kendall tries to play good son and insults Marcia later about it. Shiv just flat out says "I'm giving away power, why would I do that??"). The entirety of episode two as a Kendall vs Shiv decision. There's even when Kendall gets there, and he talks about "who are the top dogs here?" LMAO and Shiv goes "Kendall stop acting like the king of the hospital! Fuck off, I'm ON IT" and he stops. When they get the names of the top doctors, Tom says a name, Kendall says it's not who he has, but Shiv says "well, it's who I HAVE, so make the call" and Kendall caves again and lets her lead the sibling opposition to Marcia's decision to not move Logan, and that tells a lot about why he turns to her so much. She's dangerous when she's against you because of her confidence and determination and a source of strenght for whatever side she is because of sheer stubbornness sjbsajba which must give more insecure people like Kendall a source of comfort (maybe a bit like how a less confident person in a room will try and make their case and get the support of the most confident / strong person, I suppose).

There's also the fact that leading for Kendall doesn't come as naturally as for Shiv PLUS he has a tendency to give in to her a lot, like in this episode, in episode 3 when he is the middle of a crisis and she gets him to agree to do something for her. Or in season 2 when she gets him to help her fuck with Rhea.

And I mean, this is only the first two episodes and a lot has been said about them thematically being mirrors since the start, besides all this dynamic talk. They go on to have their own conflicts, but the foundation is these first two (1.02 is a big favorite of mine because of all the power struggles and family arguments). During all of this, Shiv is only a shareholder, she's not even openly pursuing yet, so If I were to analyze season 2 I would not stop talking EVER because the while the seeds are all here in 1, they absolutely explode in 2 (and season 3 is even better). I hope we never lose this tbh. Whether they will destroy each other, band together for something or have Roman disrupt it as another major force, I know it will be good and it will be done right.

#i'm sorry i don't know how to put 'read more' on my phone #long post #succession #messages #kendall roy #shiv roy #kendall roy x shiv roy #kendall + shiv #kendall x shiv #kenshiv

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chicago-reeed · 3 years

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So how 'bout that character ask? This has prob been done but considering your user it would be a crime if someone didn't ask you to do Gavin for this xD

First impression: I honestly didn’t think much of Gavin at first. He was just kinda that one character who acted as the conflict in Connor’s story, and I was much more interested in Markus’ whole plotline. Gavin was just...there lol. I remember making fun of the way he cursed tho

Back then the fandom was held together by popsicle sticks and elmer’s glue, so it’s not like there was a huge community to interact with. I ultimately forgot about DBH for a couple months, and forgot about Gavin all-together.

But then sometime at the end of 2018 I saw a Reed900 instagram edit and it made me…..curious.

Impression now: And that’s basically how we got here. The community has really made me appreciate this character that I never even thought about at first. Gavin means a lot to me in the sense that I’ve “known” him for so long XD Learning and being able to develop his character has taught me so much, especially when it comes to art. Gavin is a piece of shit, but the fact that so many people enjoy his character is honestly kind of inspiring. Sorry, not to get all deep about it LOL

Favorite moment: I love the interrogation room scene. It’s kind of the staple Gavin scene for a lot of reasons. He’s got his whole personality out for everyone to see, and it’s just...idk. Really interesting to watch I guess. Also I think it’s hilarious when Hank puts him on blast.

Idea for a story: Really really love fics that show Gavin’s potential development. Considering his antagonistic ways, he can be really interesting to expand on. I honestly have so many prompts based just on the concept of him realizing that “maybe I shouldn’t be such a dickhead” and “maybe it’s okay to trust other people and androids specifically”. I think that’s why the fandom’s interpretation of Nines usually works so well with Gavin. Having the object of his hatred appear in the form of someone, who not only keeps up with him, but also teaches Gavin to see from a different point of view is something that really hits home.

Unpopular opinion: Gavin has small pp and BIG ASS

Favorite relationship: I hope that anyone who takes the time to read through all this nonsense knows the answer by now

Favorite headcanon: Gavin having ADHD is honestly such a fuckin vibe. NO I’m not projecting, I swear. There’s actually a pretty interesting post about it here :)

Anyways this was long and probably unnecessarily convoluted but very fun :3

#ask box #thank you!!!#dbh #detroit become human #gavin reed #character ask

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

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Jac & Amelia

Jac: Can you believe this girl? Amelia: No, you're right, she's unbelievable! Jac: I can't believe she thinks so much of herself Jac: who told her she was so great and was it April fools when they lied to her face? Amelia: it'll be sir from now on and she'll be loving it Jac: As if she didn't get it just because she's so loud and he couldn't bother with the tantrum Amelia: he had no idea what to do when Ciara started crying, we all saw that Jac: Exactly, she just made him feel uncomfortable Jac: not cool Amelia: it's really not Jac: Not to mention not cool in the literal sense Jac: so lame Amelia: yeah Amelia: did you see how Connor and his friends looked at her? Amelia: I'm 😳 for her Jac: She has no shame Jac: It's no wonder Keeley doesn't want to be her friend any more Jac: I heard she like, ruined her last birthday party Jac: not surprised Amelia: showing off at the ice rink does sound like something she'd do Jac: Probably 😭 she wasn't the next Michelle Kwan Jac: she thinks she's good at EVERYTHING, which is cringe when you can't back that up Amelia: and when you put that much effort in, to impress sir of all people Amelia: he's not someone she should have a crush on Jac: Talk about daddy issues Amelia: my parents know everyone, they probably know hers Jac: OMG, I wonder what they're like Jac: she has a sister too, right? Jac: but she doesn't seem as nightmareish Amelia: I think she's in the year below but I've never heard anything about her Amelia: she must not be so Savannah-ish Jac: Poor thing is probably suffocated Jac: have to be so extra to get any attention with a sister like that Amelia: thank god I've never been to any family dinners at her house Amelia: who is she friends with now? Jac: You'll have to corner your mum, find out what their deal is Jac: I think she goes 'round with that Molly girl and her friends Jac: but I don't think they're like HER friends, you knoq Amelia: come over tonight, I've already sent her a text and it's totally fine Jac: Cool, I can sleep? Jac: anything to get away from my own annoying sister for the night Amelia: absolutely! Amelia: hopefully she'll have less boring gossip than when I asked her about that new girl last year Jac: Yay 😚 Jac: I'm sure she can be relied upon for the tea Jac: if not we'll look up their tragic old people socials Amelia: being on the board of school governors is such a middle aged in Amelia: that'll be where she knows Savannah's parents from if they are anything like her Jac: Why else would you do it? Jac: There's no funding to allocate 😂 Amelia: 😂 Jac: Though, your mum has to tell us in advanced for the next fundraiser, so we can actually get in there before Savannah just takes it all over Amelia: if people would pay her to 🤫🤐 that'd be a charitable act to us Jac: That's SUCH a good idea though actually Jac: watch her flop a sponsored silence 😂 Amelia: her sister would be 💔 Amelia: thinking it's her moment Jac: Awh 😬🤭 Amelia: oh god, I'm too stupid, I did not click her last name Amelia: her dad is a self proclaimed big deal, it all makes sense now Jac: Gross 😫 Jac: links? Amelia: they're like 🤑 Amelia: [links] Jac: She does have such wannabe richgirl vibes Jac: and she looks like him Amelia: she does 😬🤭 Jac: awkward Jac: also that there's barely any sign of her mum on these socials... Amelia: I wonder if he's flirted with my mum Amelia: she won't tell us Jac: but we'll know from what she DOESN'T say 😏 Amelia: this afternoon is going to drag so hard Jac: What even is social skills Jac: such a non-class, so dull 🙄 Jac: we should go to the shops before going to yours though, get snacks Jac: AND if we get dinner your mum will be thrilled with us 😇 Amelia: 💐! Amelia: you're onto something Amelia: do you think I should tint my lashes? Jac: I know 😋 Jac: Are you serious? but your hair is SO dark Amelia: exactly, they should be naturally thicker than this Jac: Okay but make sure you get a good kit Jac: Poppy Masters in the year above us got a cheap one and they all fell out Jac: her eyebrows too 😱 Amelia: oh no Jac: She's too ginger anyway, it would have looked ridiculous if it went right Amelia: is she the one who usually looks orange? Jac: Yeah...it's unfortunate 😬 Jac: she's not allowed to dye her hair because her mam reckons she'll regret spoiling her 'natural beauty' Amelia: her mum gets botox though Jac: Seriously? Jac: I thought she was a young mum too, like you know, had her TOO young young Jac: what a state Amelia: she thought my mum got it too and was asking her where and everything Amelia: because wherever she went cut her off for wanting to keep going like all the time Jac: The cheek of some people Jac: that's like Savannah levels of no shame Jac: your mum must've been SO embarrassed for her Amelia: I was standing right there and then she gave me a talk about our natural beauty, since I owe it to her, sorry dad Jac: Well you are super beautiful 🤷 Amelia: but yours was a model and you look just like her, neither of you are in people's faces about it Amelia: 😳 stop it please mother Amelia: I don't wanna turn into Savannah Jac: You could NEVER Amelia: have you seen her socials? She really loves herself Jac: I'll go look now Jac: I bet it's all selfies though Amelia: EVERYTHING she wears is designer Amelia: we get it 🤑💸 Jac: 🙄 like way to show you have no friends or real hobbies Amelia: does she do anything but shop and study? Amelia: 🥱 Jac: Clearly not Jac: She can't be that rich or she wouldn't go to our school Jac: or live in the catchment area even Amelia: maybe her invisible mum is trying to make her more humble Amelia: she goes on holiday constantly if this feed is anything to go by Jac: we might have to help her with that goal, honestly Amelia: what are you 🤔? Jac: Well, she needs teaching when to be quiet and when to just stop Jac: so we need to find something that she wouldn't wanna overshare Amelia: but now she's sir's favourite, aren't you worried we'd end up in trouble? Jac: it can't come from us, of course Jac: it won't be hard to just get out there Jac: anyway, how long is he actually going to be able to deal with how much she is Amelia: if you tell Is anything she'll spread it around Jac: and she never remembers where she heard it Jac: maybe we can think of something that will stop her being favourite Jac: hmm Amelia: like she's 😍🥰😘 for him Amelia: if he can't handle tears Jac: I mean, it isn't even a stretch Jac: we all saw her so Amelia: and the daddy issues are real Jac: Exactly Jac: like, it's not Sir's fault your dad is the worst Jac: do you wanna facetime her later? Amelia: should we? Jac: Is, I mean, obvs 😅 Jac: she might be a bit jealous she wasn't invited but she'll still be happy we called her Amelia: what if she wants to come over though? Jac: we'll have to pretend we've got somewhere to be after Jac: so she doesn't go on and on Jac: some club, a reservation with your parents 🤷 Jac: it'll be better to tell her, I'm not messaging it, I only trust you like that Jac: she could turn on us and say we were gossiping or whatever, some pettiness Amelia: I do wanna take you somewhere cool since my dad's working late Jac: That sounds fun Jac: do you have somewhere in mind already? is it a surprise? 😋 Amelia: it doesn't have to be a surprise but yeah, my cousin gave me the idea, so I know you'll like it Amelia: the one you met at my parents anniversary party Jac: I like surprises Jac: it sounds intriguing Jac: Isabelle is definitely not coming Amelia: follow my lead with my mum, okay? Amelia: she'd only say no if she knew where we were actually going Jac: Of course Jac: I know how to play it Amelia: I trust you Jac: ❤❤❤ Amelia: if Is feels left out she can come with us when we go to Savannah's 🏠 Amelia: I've worked out where it is Amelia: she seriously does overshare on socials Jac: As if Jac: you're as smart as she is dumb, seriously Jac: probably wants people to show up, so she can show off some more Amelia: yeah Amelia: Is wouldn't spy as subtly as us, maybe I'll uninvite her Amelia: before she like falls into their recycling bins Jac: 😂😂 Jac: Bless her Jac: she had a bit of salad stuck in her teeth ALL afternoon yesterday lunch Jac: it's like she never looks in a mirror sometimes Amelia: I can't believe Declan asked her out! Amelia: nobody's ever asked me Jac: I just hope for her sake she hasn't got a reputation with the boys already or he'll be expecting something Jac: loads of them fancy you though Jac: like Luke H Amelia: he cares more about French verbs than French kissing and he knows I'll let him copy a few of my answers Amelia: which is fine because unlike Isabelle I don't know how to 💋 Jac: It isn't hard Jac: can't be if she can master it, no offence Jac: and boys LOVE a teaching moment don't they 🙄🙄 Jac: don't want a girl who's clearly done it too many times already Amelia: that isn't a rep I want Amelia: so for now, maybe it's a good thing I freeze up around boys Jac: You're so cute Jac: the boys our age are so immature anyway, there is NO point Amelia: yeah, it's no wonder I can't think of any of them that I'd let 💋 me Jac: What about Leo? Jac: everyone fancies him Amelia: and he knows it Amelia: just like Savannah Jac: Yeah Jac: do you think she's even that pretty? Amelia: she is, but I think you're so much prettier Jac: you're just saying that 'cos you're my best friend Jac: but I appreciate it anyway 😚 Amelia: I could be her best friend instead but I'm not Jac: Imagine Jac: glorified bag holder sounds more legit Amelia: she'd hate where I'm taking you tonight Amelia: not enough mirrors and selfie lighting Jac: 😏 Jac: dark corners and 🚫📸 is way more fun Jac: that's why we're friends Amelia: best friends Jac: forever Amelia: and ever Amelia: do you wanna skip social skills? Jac: didn't you like, JUST get out of detention with Hilary? 🤔😆 Amelia: yeah Amelia: the timing's right Jac: to book yourself back in? Jac: I do HATE that lesson Amelia: we can say you're ill if you're worried about joining me in detention Amelia: Savannah's display was sickening Amelia: and you're 😇 enough to get away with it Jac: I hate that I can't escape her Jac: you know she's in EVERY one of my classes, literally Amelia: whenever you want to, we'll just go Jac: I will need to get an outfit Jac: as you're taking me somewhere Jac: I was going to ask to borrow your new top but this way, we can go shopping somewhere more exciting than just tescos for the dinner Amelia: my new top would look better on you but there'll be other dark corners for you to wear it in Jac: Not even, you looked so good in it on Friday Amelia: 😳 Amelia: I did feel good on Friday, we should do that again Jac: Definitely Jac: Where do you think Declan is gonna take Is out? Amelia: his sister works at the bowling alley, doesn't she? He'll use her discount Jac: the shoes are SUCH a look 🤭 Jac: guess she can't get burger and chips stuck in between her teeth though so that's a plus Jac: romantic ❤ Amelia: annoyingly, because I'm quite good at 🎳 Jac: Who's he friends with, you could make it a double date Jac: if you beat her though she'd be so mad 😠 she's the sporty one !!! Amelia: I'm not going unless you do too, who would you want? Amelia: Ross maybe Jac: He's not too annoying Amelia: did he get with that foreign exchange girl? Jac: He SAYS he did Jac: but I don't know if that's actually confirmed Amelia: still, I don't love that for you Jac: Hayden is part of that group too but he takes Classics and he's like, the male equivalent of Savannah Jac: he does not shut up, even though he's usually wrong 😒 Amelia: 🎤 drop Amelia: even if it makes me a bad friend, I'm not invested in Is' love life Amelia: there's a million things more fun than 🎳 we could be doing Jac: Yeah, it's not remotely worth it just to spy on her Jac: she'll tell us EVERY detail anyway 💁 Amelia: 😬 Amelia: I hate hearing about her boy drama Jac: maybe we'd care if there was more to it Jac: or she didn't always make herself look like a total idiot for some boring boy with nothing going for him Amelia: maybe Jac: or maybe not 😉 Amelia: I love her but I can't help feeling I loved her more when she wasn't so boy obsessed Amelia: but don't tell her I said that Jac: Of course I won't Jac: I know exactly what you mean Jac: it's like nothing else matters to her anymore Jac: she'll get over it though 🤞 Amelia: if she doesn't, I'm not going to have anything to ever talk to her about because it's the only thing she wants to Amelia: but that's probably true of most girls in our class anyway Jac: It's so tragic Jac: do you not have any ambitions of your own Jac: like it isn't the 50s Jac: not to mention boys think that's like, deeply unattractive anyway Amelia: at least you don't think I'm weird Amelia: or the tragic one Amelia: do you think the boys are obsessed with what we're doing? Jac: You're the coolest girl I know Jac: I'd be your friend no matter what Jac: like sometimes, I think I'm only friends with Is because I always have been Jac: like, I love her but Jac: what do we have in common now Jac: and no, boys fascination with girls starts and ends in the one place Amelia: I will be your friend no matter what Amelia: and if Savannah Moore or anyone else gets in your face like that again, I will be back in detention Amelia: would I risk it all for Is in the same way, not right now, no Jac: I'm glad I've got you on my side, Meels Jac: even if she's got Sir Jac: not for long, right Amelia: if she keeps this up she won't have anything Jac: 💪😍 Amelia: ❤❤❤ Jac: Okay, where do you wanna meet? Jac: I'm fake en-route to the sickbay now Amelia: [a location that makes sense] Jac: IOU a coffee Amelia: I should be treating you after everything that's happened today Amelia: you put in loads more work than she did Amelia: sir only recognises her big mouth Jac: But you've been so helpful and lovely, a per Jac: he's always been like that Jac: it's not my fault I don't like to shout out all the answers all the time Amelia: he didn't know you when you were younger and so shy Amelia: but I remember Jac: Clearly it'd be better if I was a loudmouth and said everything that came into my head though Amelia: for that lesson, but you don't have to go any more Amelia: we're only going to the ones we can be bothered to Jac: Sounds like a good idea but my grades would disagree Amelia: when Nessa was being bullied she didn't have to go to like any lessons Jac: Well I'm not being bullied though Jac: and I don't want her thinking I'm like, threatened by her Amelia: sir is close to the line, you don't have to mention her Jac: no, let's deal with it how we said first Jac: just her not being as smug will be enough Amelia: okay Jac: Trust me Jac: and you can still ditch as much as you want Jac: not gonna get in trouble with me Amelia: I'll ditch the lessons you're not in Amelia: I don't trust her and I'm not going to just leave you with her Jac: You're like half-girl half-pitbull Jac: not art though, you love art Amelia: maybe your mum and dad will adopt me and we can share a room instead of you having to deal with Jude Amelia: well then can I 🎨🖌 you? I've pushed this deadline extension as far as it'll go Jac: Ugh, don't even, that'd be the best Jac: she actually drives me insane sometimes Jac: you wanna 🎨🖌 me? Amelia: I'm thrilled my parents didn't make any 🧫🧪 siblings for me Amelia: and IVF is 💸💸 Amelia: yeah? if you'll let me Jac: You're so lucky tbh Jac: alright, but if I have to pose you can't make me laugh Amelia: 😏 Jac: You'll be the one that ends up with a dodgy painting if you do 😅 Amelia: if I asked Is to let me paint her with 🥑🥦🥬🥒 in her teeth then maybe Amelia: you're too good of a subject to mess up Jac: be so avant-garde Jac: the teacher would probably like that more Amelia: I don't care what she likes Amelia: not a teacher's pet like Savannah is Jac: you're only 🐶 part time Jac: and for a worthy cause, got it Amelia: for you, exactly yeah Amelia: 🦺🐶 Jac: what would I do without you? Amelia: you'd have less paint in your hair Amelia: 😂 Jac: Not very natural of me Jac: but I think I suit it Amelia: I think you do too Jac: I'm [different location] that nosy secretary was doing the rounds and I had to change direction Amelia: I'll be right there 🏃 Amelia: but let Is think she's the sporty one Jac: 🤐 Jac: be bit rude of you to take artistic and sporty Amelia: no way, you're good at everything Jac: but you don't think I'm unbearable like Savannah? Amelia: NEVER Jac: Good Amelia: she's pretending to know what she's doing anyway Amelia: all mouth and no talent Jac: You reckon? Jac: Probably Jac: if you're that showy, you're making up for something, anyway Amelia: even if I'm being unfair I guarantee she's not on your level Amelia: nobody is Jac: You're too nice to me Amelia: too nice like 🤫😳 or you don't think it's true? Jac: A bit of both, I suppose Jac: I do work hard but I don't need to shove that in everyone's face Amelia: you're the anti-Savannah Jac: getting into the uni I want is reward enough Jac: besides, not as if it's endearing to be a total know-it-all-show-off Jac: you don't have to dumb yourself down to be chill about it, you know Amelia: yeah, I'm chill about it, but still smart enough to follow everything she was saying Jac: Exactly Jac: all mouth no talent is not the lasting impression I wanna leave Amelia: me either Jac: not that I care what anyone here thinks Amelia: I know you don't think that about me so same Jac: I only think the best things about you, of course Amelia: you love me even though I don't have a uni picked out and I love you even though you do Jac: That's a pretty good summary, yeah Amelia: 🤓❤😎 Jac: I don't think I'd go that far 😏 Amelia: 😂 Jac: if I was such a 🤓 I wouldn't be waiting for you right now Amelia: maybe I'm that 😎 and persuasive Jac: really Jac: 👌 Amelia: you don't look like that in your glasses though, if we're being real Jac: Good to know Jac: don't need to have a makeover Amelia: I look like this 👧🏻 Amelia: I can't come for you or at you with a makeover Jac: Listen to your mother Amelia: NEVER Jac: okay, okay 😎 Amelia: [probably should actually show up gal so we can leave this here]

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alicedoessurveys · 5 years

Text

VERY long survey

Where have you lived throughout your life?

Birmingham UK

Do you find your job rewarding?

N/A

What kind of cake did you have for your last birthday?

chocolate

To you, which is better: English muffins or bagels?

I enjoy both, but bagels.

Do you paint your nails?

yes. although they're not painted at the moment because ive been cleaning the house so much the past couple days and its stripped my varnish off

What’s the last website you signed up for?

a dating thing

Do you check your email everyday?

yes, I cant stand having the little red number above the mail app

Have you created any pages on Facebook?

yes but I dont have them anymore

Is there a subject that you absolutely suck at?

every subject, but especially maths and science

What’s your favourite song by Dave Matthews Band?

I dont know any

Are there people you have absolutely nothing in common with, but still enjoy talking to?

I dot particularly enjoy talking to anyone :’)

Have you ever wandered around drunk with your friend?

yes, we wondered around through the middle of Birmingham at 4am

Are you good at holding back your laughter if needed?

haha nope

Have you ever been so unfortunate to suffer from a hangover?

yes

Have you ever had a panic attack?

many, I had to drop out of college because of them

Are you deathly allergic to anything?

nope

Have you ever had a mouse in your house?

nope

Do you know anyone who DOESN’T have an ex?

myself

Is anyone you know really religious?

my family

Are your eyebrows naturally thick?

yes

Has speaking in front of people ever made you sick?

not physically sick, but definitely felt it. the worst experience Ive had with speaking was in college when I had to give a speech then teach a 10 minute class. my throat totally dried up and I literally couldnt speak. everyone just stared at me and I was trying so hard not to cry. longest 10 minutes of my life and as soon as it finished I legged it out the room and burst into tears.

What was the last movie that made you teary-eyed?

Mary Poppins Returns almost got me but the last film to actually make me cry was Coco. That shit had me SOBBING!

Have you had two friends that absolutely hated each other?

yes

Has a laptop ever burned your legs?

not really, I put a cushion on my lap normally

Do you know anyone who has a scar through their eyebrow?

Who was the last person to flip you off?

probably rhys, as a joke

Anyone’s birthday coming up soon?

my dad turns 50 next week

Would you ever wear fake eyelashes?

I have done a few times but they annoy me

Are you good at following directions?

no no no I get confused very easily

Do you have someone that you can just act a fool with and not care?

yes rhys

From where you’re sitting, can you touch a wall?

if I reach behind me

When at a restaurant, do you put your napkin on your lap?

occasionally, it depends where I am and what im eating

Do you prefer electric or manual pencil sharpeners?

manual

Are your biceps at all noticeable?

they used to be before they went into hiding under a layer of fat

Have you ever seen a walrus?

nope

When it comes to dropping food, do you believe in the 10 second rule?

no, I believe in the ‘what food is it’ and ‘how dirty is the floor’ rules

If given the opportunity, would you ride on a camel?

yes. I was supposed to have gone on a camel ride in Tunisia ages ago but I was ill so we didn't get to go

Do you believe that cellphones actually do cause cancer?

they could be. the number of people getting cancer has gone up a lot since everyone has mobile phones

When people you know cry, does it make you feel like crying too?

depends who it is

Do you tend to jump to conclusions?

yes. Im an anxious person so im constantly overthinking and I also find people really hard to read and can get

Are you good at remembering your friends’ birthdays?

yes my brain cant remember important things but when it comes to dates its like a sponge

Is there something you need to do, that you’re trying to avoid doing?

getting a job

Ever pop someone else’s pimple?

ew no

How long does it take you to fall asleep?

about 15 minutes depending on how tired I am

Do you crack your neck often?

no that freaks me out

Did you have a weird dream last night?

not that I can remember, I have been having a lot of weird dreams this week because im ill

Who do you sometimes compare yourself to?

everyone. especially when im at the theatre, im constantly watching other people and wishing I could act like they can or look like them or have their style

Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?

both

In what way are you your own worst enemy?

every way, I dont look after myself at all

What activities make you lose track of time?

sims

When you help someone do you ever think, “What’s in it for me?”

not really

Who do you tell your secrets to?

these surveys

Who do you live with?

my parents and our foster kids

When did/will you graduate?

I didn't

When are you moving next?

I have no idea. probably never

When is the last time you took a vitamin?

this morning, im fighting a cold

Why are you stressed?

im not too bad right now tbh

Do you need to return anyone’s phone call?

nope

Where do you keep your birth certificate?

no clue, my mom has it somewhere

How many books are in your room?

a lot. I have quite a few on display and a whole bunch hidden away in my closet because theres no space for them anywhere else. I'll include some photos of the books in my room;

(the book on my bedside table in the second picture is actually a lamp that lights up when you open it)

Have you ever been IN a wedding?

nope

What was the last thing you laughed out loud at?

probably my mom

Do you have a nickname? Why?

my family call my bongy or Ali bong, I dont know why.. (my name is Alice)

Have you ever had a bad concert experience?

nope

When was the last time someone told you that you were beautiful/good-looking? Do people often tell you this?

my mom tells me almost every day but Im like youre my mom of course you would say that

Are you missing someone of the opposite sex atm?

Want someone back in your life?

meh

Are you currently sad about anything?

actually nope

Are you wearing anything shiny?

my pj top has glittery silver letters on

How important is a sense of humor in a significant other?

very, I fall very easily for people who make me laugh

How many followers do you have on Twitter?

198 (@alicethenerd if ya wanna follow 😉)

Do you sleep with the door open or closed?

closed. I aint about letting those murderers and monsters just waltz straight in easy peasy

Have you ever been to the beach?

yes every summer since I was a kid

Can you handle blood?

nope

Do you pay your bills or do your parents?

I pay my own bills. no way my dad would be up for paying my bills, he already digs at me constantly about the fact that I live rent free even though I look after the foster kids and tidy the house more than he does

What’s your best friend’s middle name?

Connor

Has any place hired you underage for a job?

not officially

Have you ever barely passed a grade/year in school?

yes

Have you ever carried a concealed weapon?

Have you ever tried to sell something overpriced to someone?

Do you plan to become very wealthy some day?

I hope to become wealthy enough to not worry about having enough money to put fuel in my car anymore and to be able to pay back my parents and grandad for everything they've done for me

Do you remember your first time going to the movies?

no, but my earliest cinema memory was going to watch Monsters Inc with my dad when it was first released

Does eating breakfast make you sick?

if I try to eat before a certain time yes

Are you dying to say something to someone right this minute?

not dying to nope

Book series you enjoyed reading recently?

im reading eve of man atm which apparently is going to be a series

Do you enjoy lying in the grass during the summer, and just existing?

I prefer lying on a blanket, I dont like the feel of grass and I dont like the bugs crawling around

Do you have a passport? If so, how many stamps do you have in it?

yes, it doesn't have many stamps in because I lost the one that did have lots in and I havent been away much since getting the new one

Are there any keys on your keyboard that have letters fading away?

nope

Do any of your close friends have children?

What do you plan on having for dinner?

we already had dinner, we had chippy

Do you like Chinese food, or do you find it disgusting?

I only really like one meal

Have the police ever come knocking on your door looking for someone?

actually yes, literally a few weeks ago

Know anybody who works in a tattoo parlor?

yes, my second cousin

Have you ever played flashlight tag?

ive never heard of it

Could you call yourself a movie buff?

not really, im a huge movie fan but theres still a lot I need to see

Have you ever had a piercing get infected?

never had a piercing

Do you check your fire alarms when you’re supposed to?

dad does it

Are you a shorts wearing kind of person?

nope nope nope, my legs are not suitable for public viewing :’)

Is your grandparents’ house obsessively tidy?

not really no. my nan and grandpa’s house is always neat but not obsessively neat. my grandads house is full of clutter because my nan was a hoarder

About how much can you bench press?

I dont know, I havent lifted in years

Have you ever had your phone die on you in the middle of a conversation?

yes

Is anybody in your family a carpenter?

Are you avoiding someone?

yes

Do you call your boyfriend “Monkey”?

I dont have a boyfriend but if I did I doubt id call him monkey

What’s your favorite primary color?

yellow #hufflepuffpride

What were you for Halloween?

nothing, I didn't dress up

Do you have any clothes from Walmart?

nope, we dont have Walmart here

When did you get a Facebook?

about 10 years ago

What color are your eyes?

green/hazel

What motivates you?

happiness

Can you walk in heels?

nope

When was the last time someone asked you your age?

the other day, my own mother forgot how old I was

Do you keep a journal?

not really

Have you ever tried a weird flavor of vodka?

never had vodka

Do you wear a ring on your finger?

occasionally

What are you doing?

watching ‘the greatest dancer’ and wondering if this survey is ever going to end

What’s the last kind of soup you ate?

tomato

Do you currently have a sunburn?

no. its winter

Who did you last text?

my sister

Who’d you last call? About what?

my mom, to ask her to come downstairs and let the dogs out because the baby was asleep on me and there was no way I was going to risk waking her up

Are you currently frustrated with someone?

yes

Do you drink water or soda more often?

water

Do you straighten your hair?

yes

When did you last talk to your brother or sister?

today

What is your least favorite vegetable?

all of them

Outside of family, name 3 people that make you smile/laugh often.

Rhys, Addison, Jacob

In school, what subjects did you achieve your highest grades in?

Was there a subject that you enjoyed, but weren’t too good at?

I didn't really enjoy any subjects at school

When was the last time something didn’t go to plan? What happened?

today. I had planned to deep clean the bathroom but I went super dizzy and had to give up half way through cleaning

Do you have any children? If not, at what age do you think you’ll feel ready to be a parent?

I dont but I am seriously considering adopting one of our foster babies atm. I want to adopt anyway, theres no way I could be pregnant

When was the last time you bought a new item of clothing?Describe it.

I honestly cant remember, im due a shopping trip

Was your last Facebook friend request from a male or female?

female

Do you have an item of clothing that makes you feel especially beautiful? Describe it.

not really no

Think of the last person that betrayed you. If they said they were sorry, would you forgive them?

I would cautiously forgive him but I would also make sure he knew that how he treated me was not okay and that he really upset me and this would be his last chance. but tbh I think hes done with me so 🤷🏻‍♀️

Nastiest thing you’ve ever done?

I dont know, I dont like being nasty

Have you ever been in a lighthouse?

nope

What colour is your shower?

I think its silver, ive ever actually noticed

Where do you order your pizza from?

dominos

When is the last time you had a serious talk with someone?

few days ago

Do you find that you have a certain meal you eat every time you go to certain restaurants?

yes, im a creature of habit

What colour is your bike?

silver & purple

What word can you not stand to hear people say?

the c word, I cant even type it

What room of your house are you in?

living room

What is the temperature in your city right now?

9°c

When did you last use a post-it-note?

last week in the script for the show im currently working on

Would you ever want to own your own restaurant?

yes

Do you have a fan in your bedroom?

no I dont like them, they make too much noise

Who is the last person that you took a picture with?

one of our foster kids

When is the last time you were stuck in a fairly long traffic jam?

the weekend before christmas

Do you have certain friends that you hug every time you see them?

not many

When was your most recent trip to an aquarium?

almost two years ago

What do you like in your salads and what dressing do you prefer?

I dont like salads

If it has one, do you ever use the notepad function in your phone?

all the time, Im constantly writing lists or reminders to myself

How good would you say your memory is?

long term good, short term bad

About how many times during the night do you wake up from your sleep?

a few times

Are there any air fresheners in your house? What kinds?

multiple, we have plugs in and sprays and those automatic ones that go off every 15 minutes

What’s one thing you’re glad you’ve done recently?

done my laundry :’) im on my last pair of pants!

Have you ever done something sexual that you regret?

Do you like to sit in the sun and tan when it’s hot out?

not really, I dont like being too hot

Ever had a person who was obsessed with you so much that it scared you?

Can you drive, and if you can, do you like it?

yes, I love driving most of the time

Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret?

Do you like french fries?

yes

Have you ever eaten so much you puked?

not since I was a kid

Do you care about what others think of your physical appearance?

annoyingly yes

Would you rather go to Greece or France?

greece

#survey #long #very fucking long

2 notes · View notes

chaos-thirium · 2 years

Note

I have a request, I'm craving submissive Rk800.

I would love to read a Connor fanfic, of him not knowing what to do when he finds someone attractive in all point. He can't focus on his mission because of you, and he ask Hank for help to resolve the problems.

He tries to talk to you at the office but gets too stressed out to do so.

Everytime he sees you around, his systeme starts to trick him, he is hyperventilating, symptoms of stress?

Hanks notice him acting weird, then figures out that he's attracted to you. He said to Connor grab your balls and ask them out.

But Connor doubts, because he's an android and people would freak out if he had desire like that.

He ask for a night with you, I you accept it, because fuck Connor is so attractive & you are also horny.

Then it reveals, that Connor is so inexperienced in sex. He didn't know what to do, so you tell him what to do. Connor test a few things he learned on the web on you. (I'm pretty sure Connor has a praise kink)

Yea that was it.

btw, I love your writing style.

So sorry if I didn't warn if it was nsfw.

— anon

This was interesting to explore! I hope you like it, anon 😊

I wanted to strike a balance between a Connor who's inexperienced but not completely clueless, because I've seen fics where he comes across as a naïve child, which seems off to me since he's such an advanced android, and a detective, no less. He'd need a certain amount of understanding about the world to do his job. That said, he has his dense moments here, but don't we all 😂

Connor x AFAB reader. Rated M.

“Just ask.”

Connor’s LED whirred yellow as Hank’s laughably simple solution to his problem hit his audio processors. He quashed a ripple of annoyance. Hadn’t Hank been listening? Didn’t he understand that he couldn’t ‘just ask’?

Clearly not.

“It’s not that simple, Hank,” he said, aiming for a more diplomatic response.

“Sure it is. Two people are attracted to one another, they should go on a date. Simple.”

Connor let out a huff of breath he didn’t need. For a wonderfully complex human, Hank really did see the world in black and white sometimes.

It wasn’t simple, because Connor couldn’t be sure that you found him attractive. He was still getting used to the idea that he was attracted to you. He’d never experienced something like that before. Emotions still felt new to him, like he needed to grow into them still. He’d made a lot of progress in the last few months, but it was an ongoing development.

He’d come to Hank for help, at first worried that something was terribly wrong with his systems. When you were around, his ability to concentrate and multitask had dropped by 17%, which was barely enough to affect his performance, but still enough to be troubling. He kept getting error messages that he was overheating, despite manual checks revealing that his temperature was at optimum levels. His stress levels gradually increased. Nowhere near a critical number, but they were definitely creeping in the wrong direction.

Hank had wanted to laugh, that was perfectly clear from his expression, but he schooled it admirably. Connor recognised that that was because Hank didn’t want to hurt his feelings, and he appreciated the effort even though it hadn’t worked. When Hank had mastered his response, he’d listened to Connor’s grievances in all seriousness.

“I don’t know anything about how your systems work,” the lieutenant had said, “but if you’re anything like a human, these responses indicate one thing pretty damned clearly.”

“Which is?” Connor had prompted impatiently when Hank didn’t immediately elaborate.

“You’ve got a crush, son.”

Connor’s processors had automatically pulled up a definition for him while he was still reacting.

Crush: to compress or squeeze forcefully so as to break, damage, or distort in shape.

He’d dismissed the message, annoyed to be presented with the wrong meaning.

Crush (informal): a brief but intense infatuation for someone, especially someone unattainable.

That had fit. That had fit alarmingly well.

He’d been figuring out the best course of action ever since. After trialling a day of solution one, (avoiding you), Hank had suggested solution two: asking you out on a date.

Connor wasn’t sure how he was even supposed to do that when talking to you made his vocal processor lag. And besides, you didn’t have a crush on him. You were as the definition had said; unattainable. You never faltered when talking to him. You smiled in a way that made your eyes sparkle, laughed at his quips, furrowed your brow when discussing something you felt strongly about. You engaged with him completely and never stuttered over your words. His presence didn’t make you nervous.

Maybe you just didn’t see androids as a romantic prospect. Humans were still learning to accept his people as living beings. It was a leap to accept them as potential partners too, to accept that they had the emotional and physical capabilities to be good romantic options.

You probably had someone already. How could you not? Connor was convinced that someone must have noticed how wonderful you were and swept you off your feet. If they hadn’t, they were all fools.

Hank had put a swift end to that assumption with a brisk shake of his head.

“Nope. Still single.”

Connor had frowned, looking across the bullpen where you were filling out paperwork, a little crease of concentration between your eyebrows. The sunlight had been streaming down on you from the lofty windows, picking out the highlights in your hair. You’d looked like a divine being, even while doing such a mundane task.

“How is that possible?” he’d muttered to himself.

Hank had let out a gusty sigh. “Maybe nobody matches up to you, ever think of that?”

No, of course he hadn’t. It seemed impossible that you would think of him the same way he thought about you.

The conversation had led around to Hank encouraging him to ‘just ask’, and Connor mentally listing all the reasons why that seemed like a terrible idea.

But annoyingly, the suggestion wouldn’t leave his thoughts. Over the next few days, he observed you, determined to discover if Hank was right after all. He paid extra attention to your body language and responses, making more of an effort to speak to you without suffering any stressful reactions. What he learned was intriguing, and he had to concede that you were attracted to him on some level. Your dilated pupils, pretty blush, and increased heartrate gave you away, as did the way your eyes followed him across the room sometimes. But you still didn’t seem to have any of the issues he was experiencing, which had led Connor to conclude that your attraction was purely physical.

That left him with a faint feeling of sourness that he soon identified as disappointment, but he didn’t lose all hope. You clearly didn’t want a relationship, but maybe you’d agree to a night. And maybe that would be enough to end his increasingly-demanding fascination with you.

He felt a little more confident about asking you for a single night, convinced that he knew what you wanted, but his social relations program prompted him to be diplomatic. Not everyone appreciated propositions like that, but he had a feeling you would be receptive, so long as he found the right way to ask. And the right location. It was not the sort of question to blurt out in the break room. In fact, it would be better not to ask at work at all. Connor was inexperienced with this sort of thing, but he wasn’t stupid. He understood what humans did and didn’t appreciate when it came to intimate matters.

A perfect opportunity arose when some of his co-workers mentioned going to see a movie after work later in the week. Connor usually didn’t go to social evenings unless Hank did, but he agreed to this one after hearing you confirm that you were going. (Hank declined with a knowing smile.) He hoped that he’d have a chance to talk to you at some point during the evening, away from everyone else.

He was so focused on the task ahead of him, he barely registered anything about the movie when the day came. You were sitting two seats away from him, and all he could hear was your laugh during the comedic moments in the film. He was glad you were having a good time. Tina Chen, who was sitting to his immediate right, laughed so hard at one point, she clutched his arm, which made him smile in amusement. It gave him a warm feeling of being included, and he made a mental note to join in on more evenings out. Assuming that whatever happened between you and him didn’t make things awkward. If he was your boyfriend, that would be even better. But he was getting ahead of himself.

When the movie was over, some of the others declared they were going to get drinks, but you opted to head home, which led to Connor swiftly following suit.

“Oh good,” Tina said with a grin, “you can escort each other home safely.”

Something about her tone was insinuating and reminded him of Hank’s attitude, but he nodded in response.

You shifted awkwardly, but nodded too. “Just make sure you get home safely too,” you said to the rest of the group, who noisily assured you that they would.

In mere seconds, Connor was alone with you. He was elated. It couldn’t have worked out better!

“I’ve called for a taxi,” he informed you.

“Oh, thanks.”

It would take a few minutes to arrive, which would be plenty of time to put his proposition to you. If you declined, you could take the cab alone. If not, he would join you. Outside the movie theatre was a less-than-ideal place to talk, but it was better than inside it. Talking in the back of the taxi would have been perfect, but he didn’t want you to feel trapped if the conversation made you uncomfortable. That was what Hank would have called a dick move.

“Did you enjoy the movie?” he asked you.

“Yeah, it was good,” you answered with a smile. “Did you?”

“Unfortunately, I wasn’t paying much attention,” he admitted.

“Why not?”

His Thirium pump regulator was working overtime to keep his heartbeat steady. He could feel it thrumming inside his chest cavity. He understood that to be a nervous reaction.

“I was…thinking about you,” he said, seizing his courage, like he’d done the night he’d walked into the CyberLife Tower as a deviant. Somehow, this felt scarier.

You looked at him in surprise, although he picked up on your sudden heartrate increase. That was promising.

“Me?”

He nodded. “I’ve found myself incredibly distracted by you.”

A myriad of reactions flickered across your face like a slide show. Faint surprise, then understanding, then intrigue, then…hunger. Your eyes met his, a bright, hot spark buried in their depths. Connor didn’t yet understand the many intricacies of human relations, but instinct gave him a sudden sense of victory. He’d hooked you already. He wasn’t sure how, exactly, but he’d put money on it.

“What do you want to do about it?” you asked, shockingly calmly.

“I was hoping for…a night,” he said. “With you.”

Your expression registered more surprise.

“I didn’t know you could be so bold, Connor,” you teased.

He shrugged awkwardly.

Your eyes raked him up and down, and he felt a strange, ticklish sensation across his synthetic skin, as if you’d physically touched him. Which of course, you hadn’t. You were a solid three feet away from him. That wasn’t much distance, but more than enough that he’d have noticed if you’d reached out and touched him.

The taxi pulled up beside you, and he gestured to it. “Just tell me if I should join you in that cab,” he said. “Or I can go home and never bother you again. I’ll respect whatever choice you make.”

You smiled, but you walked away without a word, stepping into the taxi. Connor nodded to himself, trying to deal with the encroaching sense of disappointment.

“Good night then,” he said politely.

“Connor,” you called, and he turned. “Get in here.”

He rushed to comply, and you laughed.

“I just wanted to see if you really would just leave me alone,” you explained in an apologetic tone as the cab set off. “Sometimes people say the right thing, but then don’t put their money where their mouth is.”

“I don’t say things I don’t mean,” he told you.

“I know. I appreciate that.”

You stared at him for a long few seconds, and he stared back, hardly believing that he was actually going home with you.

“Can I kiss you?” he ventured.

You nodded. “Yes. Please.”

Connor had done plenty of research into all romantic and sexual activities, and he knew what he was doing in theory. Putting it into practice took some getting used to, however. You were so much warmer and softer than he’d imagined, and he had to concentrate on how much pressure he was putting on your lips, how tightly he could hold you without hurting you, what the best angle was so that his nose didn’t dig too much into your cheek.

“Connor,” you said, chiding as you pulled back. “You’re thinking too much. Just go with it.”

He tried to follow your instructions, letting go of his concerns and allowing you to lead him. To his surprise, he found himself reacting instinctively to your movements, matching them, his hand coming up to cup the back of your neck, feeling the softness of your hair on his fingertips.

“Better,” you said with an appreciative hum as you paused for breath, and Connor felt a little pulse of warmth at your praise. “Are you…? Is this…completely new to you?” you asked.

“Yes.”

“And you want to…experience sex…is that it?”

“I do,” he replied, “but it’s mostly because of you. I…I suppose I want to experience you.”

Your eyebrows rose, but you smiled. “Damn. You really know how to flatter a person.”

“It’s not flattery, it’s the truth.”

You laughed, but he detected the warmth in your cheeks.

“And you…you’re attracted to me?” he asked, needing to hear it. He wasn’t sure why, since he could read it in your biological responses, but there was some illogical part of him that needed the reassurance.

Your eyes widened. “Fuck, yes, Connor! I’ve been waiting weeks for you to notice! You’re so sweet and you’re so hot. Do you have any idea what that combination does to a person?”

“Uh…”

“It was a rhetorical question.”

Connor practiced kissing with you some more for the rest of the short journey until the taxi pulled up outside your house. He was sure your home was lovely, but for once he didn’t automatically analyse and scan everything the second he was through the door. For once, he had something more important to focus on.

You were a mixture of business-like and considerate as you led him to your bedroom and undressed him, inviting him to undress you in turn. The sight of your naked body rendered him speechless, and his palms ached to touch you, experience your softness and warmth.

“What do you want to do?” you asked him gently.

“I…I don’t know.”

It was all so overwhelming, he had no idea. He’d covered a multitude of things in his research, but he couldn’t seem to focus on any of them with you standing right there with him, unclothed and willing.

“Tell me,” he said desperately. “Tell me what to do.”

Your expression was so soft as you stepped closer and kissed him. It was a brief kiss, too brief for his taste, but you clearly had other ideas in mind, so he let you pull away. You guided him to sit on the edge of your bed, and you scrambled up behind him, a welcome warmth at his back. You hugged him from behind, peppering kisses across his neck and shoulders, some of which gave him an interesting squirmy sort of feeling. Then your hand wandered down, wrapping around his length, and he sighed.

Connor had done this himself, mostly out of curiosity as new sensations crept in, but already it felt ten times better having your hand there instead of his.

“Is this okay?” you asked. “Do androids…um...feel stuff in this area? Or are you mapped differently?”

“I feel here,” he said, hearing the breathy quality to his own voice. “I’m built to mimic a human.”

“Good,” you said, and a thrill raced through him at the sudden determination in your voice. “Then I’m going to wreck you.”

You nipped at his neck, which was a confusing sensation. He liked it, though, and he stiffened more in your hand as you pumped him. Your grip felt incredible, a perfect combination of tightness and softness, and you definitely knew what you were doing.

“I didn’t…I didn’t know it could feel like this,” Connor panted, his ability to speak suddenly made more difficult by his distraction. It was like what had happened at work, only much worse. And yet, he couldn’t bring himself to care, dismissing the warnings that flashed up on his HUD.

“Just you wait. It’s going to get so much better,” you purred. “But I want you to come for me first. Can you do that?”

Oh, he could. And soon, if you kept up what you were doing.

“I need an answer, handsome.”

“Y-yes.”

“Good. You’re doing so well, Connor.”

Again, that flash of warmth at your praise lit his circuits, more intense than it had before. He so liked the thought of pleasing you. He wanted to please you so badly, see you reach the peak of pleasure because of him. Could there be any sweeter feeling than that?

You let out a little noise, part surprise, part intrigue, then you spoke again.

“That’s it. You’re so perfect, Connor.”

He let out a strangled cry as your words washed over him. Somehow, he felt even harder in your palm, and every pump of your hand was exquisite torture. His body felt wound tighter than a coiled spring, his sense of control gone, given willingly to you and your talented hands.

“Mm. Come for me, Connor,” you said in his ear.

To his utter shock, his body obeyed you, and he shuddered hard, coating his legs in the artificial cum that CyberLife had created for him. Pleasure rippled through him in waves, turning his HUD to static for an intense and unnerving few seconds.

“Oh my god, that was fucking hot,” he heard you mutter. You sounded muffled, but he suspected that was another temporary error in his systems.

He closed his eyes for a moment while he ran a quick diagnostic, and when he opened them again, you were kneeling in front of him, cleaning him up with a damp cloth.

“You still with me?” you asked.

“Yes. My apologies.”

“Don’t apologise. Do you know what it does to my ego to have a guy black out after orgasm?”

Your expression was impish and charming, and he cupped your face in his hand, trying to find the words to tell you how incredible you had been, how overwhelmed he felt by just being here with you. He was in trouble. There was no way he’d ever get you out of his mind now. This whole encounter would only bury you deeper, not purge you as he’d intended. Was he destined to pine after you forever?

“Hey,” you said softly, covering his hand with yours. “We don’t have to do anything more than this if you’re not comfortable.”

“I’m okay,” he assured you. “It’s just…a lot.”

You nodded understandingly. “I know. But it’s fun, right?”

You smiled, and he returned it eagerly. He certainly couldn’t argue with that. He wanted you, wanted as much of you as you’d gift him, even if it caused him pain later on.

“I want to be inside you,” he said, watching your pupils dilate. It was a satisfying sight.

“Good,” you said. “It’s good that you know what you want.”

“I want you,” he added. It wasn’t necessary, but he felt the need to say it.

You rose higher on your knees, so that he only had to bend a little way to meet your lips. The cloth dropped onto the floor, and you rested your slightly damp hands on his thighs. He was already hard again, thanks to android efficiency.

Your tongue traced the seam of his lips, and he opened up for you. He’d researched this too, but he wasn’t prepared for the flood of data that swamped his sensors the moment your tongue came into contact with his. Suddenly his head was full of you and you were everywhere, heady and intoxicating. He groaned softly in his throat, pulling you closer. You were wonderfully pliable under his hands.

There was some awkwardness as you moved, both unwilling to break the kiss, but somehow you managed to stand, and then you were on his lap, sitting astride his legs. Connor let his hands explore the curve of your spine, pressing lightly into your muscles and feeling you relax under his touch. You reached back and grabbed his hand, moving it around and down, and then his fingers were brushing against your core, the sensors on his skin immediately feeling how wet you were.

He moaned, awed at the knowledge that he’d done that. You were aroused because of him, because you wanted him too. When he swept his fingers through your slick folds, you made the most intriguing sound, part satisfied, part needy. He broke away from kissing you, anxious to get this right.

“Show me,” he said. “Show me how to touch you.”

You returned your hand to his and did just that, guiding him in where and how to stroke you, (he made a mental map of the places that got the biggest reactions from you), before you steered him a little further back and impaled yourself on two of his fingers. You moaned, biting your lip, and Connor felt himself twitch as he adapted to the feeling of your wet heat around his fingers, preconstructing how much more intense it would feel when it was his cock instead. His research had told him that preparation was important, however, so he gently eased his fingers in and out of you, mesmerised by the expressions of pleasure that crossed your face. He knew about the G-spot from his research, but he hadn’t anticipated the rush of triumph and fulfilment he would feel from locating it and watching your reaction.

You sighed and let your head loll back, exposing the temptation of your neck. Moving on instinct, Connor leaned forward and dropped light kisses from your jaw to your shoulder, making you hum in appreciation.

“That’s good,” you said breathlessly. “That’s…mm…that’s really fucking good.”

He glowed under your praise, letting his thumb come into play caressing your clit. You moaned, your hips rocking as you sought more friction, and the urge to bury himself inside you grew almost unbearable. He’d heard of human men claiming to be ‘painfully hard’, but he’d never thought it was something he could experience himself. You were proving him wrong.

“Oh god!” you exclaimed, seizing his wrist.

You weren’t strong enough to stop him, but he took the hint and withdrew his fingers from you. Had he hurt you? He didn’t think so, but there was a sense of urgency about you.

“I need you,” you whispered.

Connor heard you, of course, but he was distracted by the slick on his fingers. He raised them to his mouth, touching his tongue to the substance. Like when he’d explored your mouth, you exploded all over his sensors, your essence, your scent, your taste. He closed his eyes as he sucked it all off his fingers, imagining for a moment what it would be like straight from the source.

When he opened his eyes, you were staring at him, your eyes dark with lust. “Okay,” you said, your voice sounding strained. “We’re going to come back to that, but…”

Right. You needed him. And he needed you.

“Tell me what to do,” he said.

You shifted off his lap and settled back on the bed, holding out a hand. “Come here.”

He’d seen the missionary position, he knew how it was supposed to work. Still you led him through it, telling him how to feel the angle with his fingers and then guide himself into you. As he eased himself into your welcoming heat, he realised why you’d chosen this position; so he could go at his own pace. The feel of your body accepting him, drawing him in, holding him tight in a way that made his processors go blank for a second or two…it was almost too much. Too perfect.

“Y-you…you feel…”

“I know,” you whispered.

You seemed similarly affected, your chest rising and falling rapidly, your hands rubbing up and down his back. Connor’s hips met yours, and he took a moment to breathe, letting cool air cycle through his systems. You looked so perfect framed by your white pillow, eyes fixed on him, lips parted. He almost couldn’t believe he was here with you, in you, doing exactly what he’d been dreaming of doing.

When he felt adjusted enough, he let himself move, groaning at the sensation. It was intense, and so good, and he didn’t have the words to describe it. The network of micro-sensors embedded in his skin were working overtime to feedback every detail of your tight, wet heat as he slid out and drove back in. He was already addicted to this feeling, to you, and he didn’t know what he was going to do when the night was over.

“Yess,” you hissed, your fingertips digging into his back. “Faster.”

He obeyed, picking up his pace and immediately concluding that you had the best ideas. Faster was better. Faster and harder.

“Oh god, fuck, yes!” you gasped. “Just like that.”

He found the perfect angle and stuck to it, watching you writhe beneath him, a glow of pride warming his Thirium pump as he observed the pleasure he was giving you.

“Oh god!” you said again. “Fuck me, Connor! You’re doing so well.”

You tangled your legs around his waist, and he relished the feeling of being surrounded by you. Your praise rang in his audio processors, driving him onward. After several minutes, he deduced from your reactions that you’d reached your plateau, a satisfying balance of constant pleasure. He needed to do more to make you tip over the edge and climax. He could feel the build-up of pressure in his chassis, the tell-tale signs that he was approaching a second orgasm. That wouldn’t do unless he took you with him.

“Rub my clit,” you ordered him, your words barely audible over your panting breaths and moans.

Connor smiled a little at your impeccable timing, reaching a hand down to fulfil your request. He traced patterns over the fascinating bundle of nerves in the way you’d responded well to before, and you cried out in bliss.

“Mm that’s it! You’re so good, Connor. You're so fucking good.”

He actually shuddered at your words, an acute bolt of pleasure sizzling down his spine. It was almost too much.

“I’m…” he tried to warn you, having trouble finding his words again.

Luckily you seemed to understand. “Me too, I’m close. I’m so fucking close.” You were babbling, but he drank in every word, euphoric that he was making you feel so good. “Don’t stop,” you ordered. “Don’t stop! You make me feel so good! You’re so fucking perfect!”

He tried to hold on, but your praise undid him, and he jolted, spilling inside you with a groan. You came almost at the same time, convulsing so hard you almost head-butted his nose. He slowed his pace as he rode out the waves of his climax, vision whiting out as your muscles clenched and fluttered around him. He was floating on an endless sea of ecstasy, his HUD going crazy with confused messages. He dismissed them all and ran another diagnostic.

When he once again became aware of his surroundings, he was lying on his back. You were lying beside him, your head propped up on one elbow as you observed him.

“You’re back,” you said. “You okay?”

He nodded and smiled. “More than okay.”

You smiled too, although he detected a slight edge to it.

“Was it everything you hoped it would be?” you asked.

“And more. But was it okay for you? I know experience can count for a lot in intimate settings, and…”

“It was great, Connor,” you assured him. “It was…pretty fucking perfect, actually. You may not have experience, but you have amazing instincts. You were respectful, and you focused on my pleasure as well as yours. Those things matter more than experience, trust me.”

He nodded again, a little pleased smile making its way onto his face. You smiled too, but it quickly gave way to a sigh.

“Door’s still unlocked for whenever you want to go.”

Connor’s good mood soured in an instant. He’d hoped to have more time with you, but he’d respect your wishes.

“I’ll…get out of your way, then,” he said awkwardly, moving to sit up.

“Fine.”

He frowned. He was doing what you wanted, so why did you sound angry?

He wasn’t sure of the best course of action, so he gave into his curious nature and simply asked. Hank would have been proud.

“Are you angry with me?”

“No.”

He pivoted to look back at you. You’d moved to lie on your back, your arm behind your head now. You were clearly lying.

“Please,” he said, navigating a sudden swamp of negative emotions. “Tell me what I’ve done wrong.”

Something in his voice must have reached you, as you sighed heavily and answered him. He detected hurt in your tone.

“I just…I guess I’d hoped you’d be different, but you’re not. You all just want one thing, then you’re gone.”

Connor let his confusion colour his reply. “You just said you wanted me to go.”

“No I didn’t, when did I say that?” you snapped defensively. “You said you only wanted a night, so I was just letting you know you didn’t have to stay.”

“I only said I wanted a night because I thought that was all you wanted,” he shot back.

You sat up, a frown scrunching your forehead. “You mean you wanted more?”

“Yes! I want everything. I want to date you and spend time with you and be your boyfriend,” he said, laying everything on the line in his desperation to make you understand. “And I want to make you orgasm again and again and again. But I didn’t think you wanted any of that. I just knew you were attracted to me physically.”

You looked like you were about to cry, and then you laughed. “We’re such idiots.”

Connor let out a soft laugh too. “It seems so.”

You shook your head. “So the gorgeous, sweet android boy with the praise kink wants to stick around?”

“Yes, if you’ll have me.”

You reached out and drifted your fingers down the back of his neck, pulling him in for a kiss. He accepted it gladly, kissing you back with all the skill he’d learned over the course of the evening.

“Teach me how to please you,” he whispered when you broke apart. “I want to learn everything about you.”

You smiled, your eyes meeting his, eager and fiery. “Oh honey,” you said, “I’ll teach you to be so good.”

#my fics #connor #connor x reader

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survivorkvaloya · 7 years

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Episode #5: “I Didn't Come Back To Be A Stupid @$$” - Andreas

Not quite sure what to make of this tribe of 5 but I find in this one theirs no where to hide because I can almost guarantee Jackson is going to be a middle man between Danielle and I, and everyone knows that in this tribe I would be the one they send home. But luckily for me, I have Gage and Christine's students on my tribe so If I send them home it weakens them come merge, but following the murder of 3 returnees early on I can NOT have a repeat of Easter Island, so I need to get over my phobia of returnees.

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MKAY COOL I COULDN"T HAVE ASKED FOR A BETTER SCENARIO IT'S LITERALLY 4 V 1 IS THIS HOW SANDRA AND VARNER FELT

~*~Tales From Reflection Island~*~ Hi. I'm pissed. I was so excited to finally win my first tribal immunity and FINALLY not have to worry about being voted out, but that was short lived. Brett, my flop ass mentor, was voted out on the other tribe almost unanimously. What the HECK. So my gay ass is shipped off to reflection island where I have to "reflect on what went wrong" or whatever. But it ain't my fault Brett is a flop! He was the mentor. He was supposed to know not to get voted out. AND THEN we have a tribe swap.... While I'm on reflection. You know what happened to the last person on reflection island during a tribe swap? They were voted out unanimously the same round they returned (rip Connor). So when I come back I'm gonna have some serious work to do. Going onto a tribe of 5 is scary in itself, not being there when the tribe is formed is even worse. the ONLY saving grace in this whole situation is the reflection ritual or whatever the heck its call. Bc I'm always doing #that and I PICKED AN URN WITH AN IDOL PIECE IN IT WOOOO. Now I have 2/3 pieces! This makes it so much easier to get that last piece and make an idol. And that could save my ass in this tricky situation. My plan once I come back is to victimize myself, talk to everyone, be so devastated by the loss of my mentor, act paranoid, and find that last piece. Wish me luck!

Im actually really frustrated right now, we could have easily won immunity but Lauren messed up very basic instructions and just completely fucked us over. Now we have to go to tribal. Lol 4th tribal out of 5 ugh. So anyways this tribal should be easy however we know how this game goes, the easy vote never happens. But none the less this allows me a valid reason to take Christine's student out which would have completely destroyed all her numbers which means shes 1 which isnt a huge threat. Im just worried about idols ,and tribal on my 200th day is ANNOYING. Anyways i need to go calm down phew. Old Andreas is coming out lmao

So jackson and I had a plan to throw the torch pass challenge and use lauren to get out andreas. funniest part: we didn't even have to throw because lauren posted at the wrong time and fucked it all up! I'm trying to make everyone hate her now so she feels like she has to vote with us. jackson was hesitant at first about voting andreas but he's warmed up to it. I hope he stays with the decision. I really think him and I can fight our way through this game.

i got my 2nd idol piece from fucking hell of looking through numbers! van who??

So I think I already did a confessional but oh well. This tribe swap isn't looking good for me. I ended up not getting the idol piece because Chelsea already got it so that was super annoying. BUUUUT. I got reward this time and Ryan ended up getting his 2nd idol piece from it. I'm happy bc that means we have 2/3 in our posession and I think that he's 100% loyal to me. He's said over and over that this is our idol and I truly believe that. We've been friends for so long that I doubt that he would be using an idol that we both found against me in any way. I'm trying to talk to everyone every day but it's hard when it's one world. I hate it so much fuck fkjdsn. Andreas is kinda annoying and very pushy when it comes to this game. He created an alliance with Jackson and I, which I don't think I'll stick too, to try and talk about the vote. From what I can tell at this point, the vote is going to be Andreas anyway. Although Lauren fucked up in the challenge, people are wanting to keep her around for a throwaway vote if we lost next time (which we are going to if we're going to be keeping the weak players anyway). I'm starting to get annoyed with not being in power. Chelsea is running around only talking game yet telling me that other people will inform me with the plan... I- There is no way that I'm gonna be able to get her out and if god forbid we went to tribal again, it would be Lauren. I'm thinking of teaming up with Lauren to vote out Chelsea if it came down to it, I don't know if that would be the right move but right now, I feel like she's running the game and I want to be the one that takes her off of the high horse that she's sitting on.

Hi I'm Jackson and this is my third confessional, just in time for the third generation of tribes. Ever since the swap, I've kind of had a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Not because I was put on a tribe with people I can't work with - in fact, I've had good interactions with everyone on my new tribe in the past, and best of all, I'm reunited with my closest ally Chelsea. Instead, the feelings of dread come from the fact that a lot of power was given to the two of us to start making moves of our own, and it's scary to no longer be floating in the background, hiding behind our mentors. Still, Chelsea and I both feel like we can't shy away from the opportunity we've been given. So, we planned to throw the immunity challenge. I had two objectives in mind for this. The first was to allow Colin to join our tribe after his return from exile, as he's someone I really trust and I couldn't guarantee his safety if he went to another tribe. The second was to vote out Andreas, who I see as one of the smartest and most well connected players in the game. We were going to have Chelsea pretend her internet went out, which I'm honestly not 100% sure would've worked without attracting suspicion. But then Lauren decided to do what I think she does best: go inactive without explanation. Since she queued her post for the wrong time, our torch lighting was out of order from the get go, and we had no chance of winning unless Lauren came online at just the right time (which she didn't). So yeah, we lost, and I guess me and Chelsea got our way. Right off the bat Lauren was scrambling. She came to me and Chelsea for help, asking us to stay united as original Ersfjorden members, which normally I'd roll my eyes at because she's suspicious af to me but was happy to hear in this specific moment. With me, Chelsea, and Lauren, we have three, and can vote out Andreas like we planned (or, at least, like Chelsea pushed really hard to and I agreed only after talking to my mentor because I'm a weenie). Andreas was acting pretty jumpy too. I think he really doesn't want to get voted out on his 200th day of tumblr survivor, and yeah, I get that and I'm gonna feel real bad casting my vote. He really helped me get my footing on Ersfjorden 2, and we could've had a nice working relationship even though he probably would beat me at the end. Anyway, he came to me pushing hard to get Lauren voted out to keep the tribe strong, and I told him I was definitely on board. His worry was not that Danielle would flip on us (more on that later) but that Lauren would somehow make an idol with Chelsea, who I can tell he doesn't totally trust. Joke's on him - Colin has the idol piece that everyone thinks Lauren has, but I'm not gonna tell anyone. I tried to reassure him that Chelsea's on our side too, and I'm hoping his guard is down. Danielle is the wild card. Even though we could vote out Andreas without her (assuming Lauren isn't the fucking mastermind of the millennium), I wanted her to be in on this vote because I think she will stick with me postmerge. Ryan likes her, and I don't want to go against him (yet). So I told Danielle that Lauren was pushing for Andreas, and she seemed tentatively supportive of the idea to vote him out now with Lauren being the next to go if we lose again. She also sent me her reward, which was a clue to an idol piece hidden somewhere on the blog. Long story short, the URL involves a five digit code starting with a 7 and including no repeating digits. It's basically impossible to determine the URL from that (unless i've already gotten it right but someone got their first and the page was deleted?) without more info, and I don't think the hosts would give such a difficult riddle. So yeah I think she didn't send me the entire clue (she withheld some of the digit hints), which kind of annoys me because she's trying to gain my loyalty by supplying intel but she doesn't trust me enough to let me have a chance at finding it myself. Also I shared literally all the details about JD and Liam's shitty alliance on Ersfjorden2 that locked out her and her student, so I feel like I'm giving out more than I'm getting back. But anyway, though she says she's on board for the Andreas vote (making it 4-1 against him), I worry that she's concerned about my relationship with Chelsea. I also worry that she's closer to Andreas than she claimed (and than Ryan thought), and that she might have ratted me out to him. While it doesn't seem like there's a lot he could do if he did know we were targeting him, there's a slim chance he could try to pull Lauren over. In that case, it'd be either me or Chelsea going, and considering how many more limbs I've gone out on than usual this week, I'm not feeling super safe. So yeah, that's about it, so unless something changes in the hours before the vote tomorrow, this is it. I'll be voting for Andreas and hoping I didn't get duped.

Looks like everything is still good to go with the Andreas vote. Sorry bud! The ship has sailed ~

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Whelp, operation save Brett was a flop and I'm sad. But on the bright side I'm in love with this swap! It's nice to be reunited with Ryan and I'm glad QuilLynn is still with me. JD also seems really nice and then I haven't really talked to Nicholas yet. I'm glad we were able to win immunity but I'm kinda worried for Lauren. I feel like Jackson and Chelsea will help her but we'll see.

Going into tribal its been really quiet and that's been scaring me. No one is really talking to me besides Jackson but I could just be acting like a crazy person but who freaking knows. Hopefully this tribe votes out Lauren but maybe tonight, as my 200th night in TS will be my final. I hope not though, I don't wanna be a pre-merge flop.

Omg so the whole point of last vote was to get rid of Brett bc he is a bigger threat then jack and he would be more likely to be able to convince Lauren and Christine to flip. And of course we don't tell jack about the vote bc he really wanted Chelsea, but then of course he fucking ends up on my swapped tribe. I'm really happy I'm with Gage again bc he's definitely someone I trust and he's really nice, I'm also kinda glad to see lily And I'm hoping we can continue to work together. Jack ahhh I didn't tell him about the last vote so I don't think he trusts me anymore but he's nice. So that leaves Liam as the only person I hadn't met yet, I exchanged like 2 words with him and then he tells Ryan that he's talked to me the most? Like how is 2 lines a lot of conversation?? I mean I feel bad for him being super busy with 2 jobs and everything but he doesn't talk to me a lot and when we actually do talk it's always at 3 in the morning. So anyway last night Liam goes up to me and says hey I have an idea for if we ever have to go to tribal council, and he was talking about how me him and jack should work together and I agreed to it of course bc you should never really say no to alliances bc that's sketchy. I also found out that it was Liam and JD who created the majority alliance, like this boy seems kinda power hungry tbh. Anyway Kalfjorden looses immunity which is fine but I just hope it's not Chelsea, Andreas or Danielle. And then apparently Lauren has been super inactive and messed up on the challenge so it would make sense to vote her out and everyone seemed on board or whatever. But then in the all girls alliance, that I like the idea of but don't really feel comfortable with half the people in it, lily talks about how we gotta save Lauren. And at first I'm like wtf Lauren is cute and all but she's not the most active and I don't care about her that much. And Lily says that all the newbies are on board to vote together to vote out FUCKING ANDREAS. Like wtf I love Andreas?? And he's trying at this game unlike Lauren. And also lily goes oh yeah it'll be nice to vote out Andreas so that we can keep up student numbers like??? I'm a mentor??? I'm of course willing to work with students but not when they say they would like to vote out all the mentors lmao. I would tell Andreas but I won't bc I need to keep up my trust with lily especially since we're on a 5 person tribe where there's no room to hide. Anyway I could see if I could possibly talk to Jackson who I don't know well if he'd be willing to vote Lauren, ahh idk what I'm gonna do I hate this.

Im actually very concerned I may be going home tonight and part of me is thinking that perhaps i should throw my vote at Chelsea incase an idol is played. I don't see Christine letting Lauren go without a fight and I would be a great person in her eyes to take out pre-merge. Heading into this vote im super concerned, probably more then i've been in a while which is super scary. I didn't come back to be a stupid ass but its so freaking quiet, and I don't see Lauren going without a fight.

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