#and my dumb ass felt so uncomfortable and powerless that I fucking told him my dead name and didn’t call him out 😭😭
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Do you ever have a memory which sticks with you, and the longer it sits there the worse you feel about it? Yeah. I have one of those that’s been bugging me more and more recently, and I want it to stop souring. I just have no idea how to go about it.
#I think the frustrating thing about it is that it’s from October so it feels like it’s reopening a closed book#and even worse I don’t think that the other person ever even realized the book was open. which is partly why it bugs me so much#The main reason it bugs me is because when it happened I knew I should’ve reacted differently and I was unhappy with the situation then#and I immediately wanted to get a redo but I never addressed it. and now it’s been months#I just feel not only disappointed in myself and hurt by the other person.#But I know that because I didn’t educate them they may hurt others in the same way#and if they hurt others in the same way and those people lash out at them for being hurt then they’re also going to be hurt#and I could have prevented both of those people from getting hurt by speaking up#and that feels shitty#but also I was really uncomfortable and this person didn’t realize the power they had over me in that situation#if you’ve read this far and want context basically some dude at a party asked me my dead name#and that was after he had had a weird venting telling me about how he felt awkward and like he was a bad boyfriend to a non-binary person#he’d dated in 2015 because he just saw them his woman light and didn’t actually respect or recognize their gender#and my dumb ass felt so uncomfortable and powerless that I fucking told him my dead name and didn’t call him out 😭😭
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Still Into You
Summary: True snippets of a girl (me) in love with her best guy friend (Mr. Hubs) and all their sometimes depressing, but always dorky life together.
A/N: So @carebearofriddles and @baldcalum LOVE my stories of me and my hubs, so I decided to share this with all of you lovely people. Obviously it’s been tweaked into an Ash fic, but all the following stories are 100% true. And after posting Part 1, they both yelled at me for Part 2. So, I kept my head down, wrote like mad, and here we are!
Content: Significantly less sad than Part 1. Cussing. Um... it’s as chronological as I can remember because 10 years is a long time, and a lot of things blurred together over time. But yeah. Still good content, I hope.
And away, and away we GO!
Part 2
~2012-2017~
“Shay? You okay?” Shay’s dad asked, knocking on his daughter’s bedroom door.
Shay was wrapped up in a blanket, tears tracks on her face, her girl friends piled on top of her. “No…” she mumbled sadly. She had been trying to give the appearance of keeping it together, but 3 days post-break up, and she was still in the same position she had woken up in. Her friends had come over to try and take her mind off it, but they had taken one look and realized their friend just needed a good day to mope.
“Well… uh…” Shay’s dad fumbled, clearly out of his element. “I won’t offer you any advice. But, your friends are here to help you, so let them.”
Shay and her friends let out a weak laugh. Her dad was twice divorced. Maybe being unlucky in love ran in the family. “Thanks, Dad.”
~~~
“What are you doing?” Shay whispered, pushing Ashton away from her.
He took a step back and looked down. “We’re both single…”
“You broke up with me. You don’t get to do that,” Shay told him, even though every part of her wanting him to keep nuzzling his face into her neck like he had been.
“Alright. I’ll stop,” he said, then turned to chat with the rest of their friends in line.
Shay sighed deeply. This was going to be a long night.
~~~
“Damn it! This is why I didn’t want to go on that ride!” Shay laughed, patting her soaked jeans.
“Nobody forced you to go on,” a friend smirked at her.
“Shut up,” she continued to laugh, “It’s Grad Night and I’m with my best friends. I’m not sitting out on a single thing.”
“Here,” Ashton said, throwing a pair of gym shorts at her. “Until your pants dry at least.”
“Irwin, you don’t… I’m fine,” Shay stuttered.
“They’re just shorts. Go change.”
Her eyes narrowed at him, but decided she was grateful they were trying to keep their friendship alive. And her jeans were making her incredibly uncomfortable. “Fine.”
~~~
“Here, you want the rest?” Ashton asked, pushing half an ice cream in her hands.
She looked up and wiped at her eyes. Being this close to him all day had been hard. Wearing his shorts, feeling his breath on her neck, and being huddled up in his sweatshirt because her jeans were still wet, and now her legs were cold, and he had wanted to keep her warm. It was too much. The way he still cared for her. And now he was giving her his ice cream because they both knew he was the reason she was crying on Grad Night. “Thanks,” she sniffed.
“C’mon, we’re gonna book it to be first for the Indiana Jones ride as soon as this dumb light show shit’s done.”
She sniffed again, and despite herself, she took his offered hand and let him drag her back to their friends. God, just being his friend again was going to absolutely break her.
~~~
“Die!” Shay laughed, tackling Ashton to her living room floor.
“This isn’t going to end well for you,” he said, pinning her down easily.
She wiggled in his grasp, trying to gain an advantage. It wasn’t working. He had both a good height and weight advantage against her. “Die!” she continued to laugh and thrash her body. This was the most contact she could manage to get from him, and for once, she was happy.
“You done?” Ashton laughed at her as he easily held her in place.
She huffed, breathless and red in the face. “Yeah, okay. Let me up.”
He shifted his weight off of her and retreated to back where he had been sitting, going back to the videogame he was playing with the other boys.
Shay ducked her head as her friends raised their eyebrows at her. “You okay?” Derek asked, holding out his arms to her. Derek was the distraction, a boy not part of their friend group she had met several months ago. He was a month older than her, he was drop dead gorgeous, and he had a motorcycle. He was the perfect way to drive Ashton crazy with jealousy. Which was a definite plus for Shay, but not her sole intention. Derek simply made her feel less broken, a feeling she desperately craved given her current heartache.
“Yeah, we’re just playing,” she said, giving Ashton’s hair a tussle before kissing Derek.
~~~
“So, bowling?” a friend asked.
“Yeah, bowling sounds like fun,” Shay agreed. Her friends were trying to make summer plans to hang out now that graduation parties were over and college was looming in the corner. They were all going to the same community college, but they all knew that they would start to drift as real life took hold, so they wanted to take advantage of their freedom and youth while they could.
“Cool, so who do we invite?”
Names were rattled off, stopping without mentioning Ashton. So, Shay asked instead, “Well, who’s gonna tell Irwin?”
“You want us to invite him?”
She shrugged. “He’s part of our friend group. He deserves to hang out with his friends just as much as I do.”
“Yeah, but Irwin’s always been more of a friend by association…” a friend teased.
“Shut up,” she laughed. It had always been a long running joke that she was the friend and Ashton was tolerated. “I’ll invite him.”
~~~
It was 1 am and she couldn’t sleep. Sleep generally avoided her when she was on vacation, but mixed with the heartache, the vacation-induced insomnia was kicking her ass. She reached her phone and opened up her texts. Before she could overthink it she typed out a message.
I know you’re probably asleep. And even if you’re not, I don’t expect a response. I just need you to know that I miss you. I miss us.
She hit send and put her phone on her nightstand, rolling over to try and sleep. Her phone pinging a few seconds later startled her.
I miss us too. I just need time.
~~~
“Hey,” Shay smiled, offering Ashton a hug as they all gathered outside the bowling alley.
“Hey,” he mumbled. “Can I talk to you for a sec?”
“Yeah, sure. What’s up?”
For a response, he pressed his lips to hers.
“What are you doing?” she gasped, pulling away.
“I’m done needing time.”
“So… you’re… we’re…?” she stuttered.
“Yeah.”
She kissed him back. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you, too.”
“Oh, what are you two doing?!” a friend screeched at them.
“Getting back together, now fuck off,” Ashton said, waving his hand dismissively before kissing Shay again.
“Really? Irwin? Really, Shay!” their friends continued to tease.
Let them tease, Shay thought. After 17 incredibly confusing and painful days, she was back where she belonged- in Ashton Irwin’s arms as his girlfriend. Then came the bad thought. The realization that she had to tell Derek. Oh, she was gonna break that pretty boy’s heart…
~~~
“You know what? I’m done. For real this time. I’m sick of you doing this to me,” Shay told Zack over the phone, her voice eerily calm.
“Oh, so you’re just gonna run off with your little boyfriend, so he can finger-fuck you in public?” Zack screamed at her.
“Oh, my God!” Shay laughed. “Do you know how ridiculous you sound right now? I’m done. I’m so done.” She continued to laugh in disbelief at his sheer malice. Ashton had been trying to put a receipt in her pocket for fuck’s sake, not finger-fuck her, as Zack had so elegantly put it. She wasn't the high school dipshit anymore. She didn’t have to play his game anymore. Shay had grown a backbone, and Zack was powerless once and for all. She pulled out the receipt paper, crumpling it up by the speaker so he could hear. “It’s paper, you dipshit!”
“Don’t lie, whore! God, don’t forget that I’m the one who got you to cheat on you little boyfriend, and I can do it again.” His tone was smug. Proud even. God, Shay never hated anyone more in her entire life.
“You know what? Fuck you. I’ll give you back your stuff tomorrow.”
“What? No! Shay! Don’t you dare hang up!”
“Goodbye, Zack.”
“Shay!” All malice left the boy’s voice as it cracked. Great, the crying tactic. “Don’t leave!”
“Goodbye, Zack.”
“No! I’m coming over! We’re talking this out!”
“No, you’re not. We’re done talking. This is over. Goodbye.” And with that, she hung up on his screaming cries.
Opening her closet, she pulled down everything Zack had ever bought her. The clothes he bought and then told her to wear. The pieces of technology to apologize for his bullshit. Every single item of control she threw in a trash bag.
“Oh, hey Zack,” Shay’s dad said, opening the front door, but leaving the screen door shut. “Is Shay expecting you?”
“No, I’m not,” Shay said, sticking her head out of her bedroom. “He’s no longer welcome here.”
“Oh, Shay! C’mon!” Zack called through the screen door, being polite enough to not let himself in, not out of respect to Shay, but because her dad was right there and he was clever enough to keep his boy-next-door charm in full effect in the presence of company. God, he was such a fuckin prick… If her parents knew even half of the shit this boy had done to her, they’d never find his body.
“Nope!” Shay called out happily.
“Shay!” Zack said, laughing now like they were playing some sort of game. Like Shay was only teasing. Of course she’d let him in. It was Shay. He had complete control over her.
“Bye, Zack,” she waved, smiling sweetly.
Her dad looked back and forth between them, knowing his daughter well enough that her seemingly sweet demeanor was dripping with venom. “Go home, Zack. I don’t think she wants to see you,” he said, shutting the door. Then he turned to his daughter, “You good?”
“Yeah, Dad. I’m good.” Shay had never felt better. She had her boyfriend back and was rid of an abusive, controlling asshole once and for all. 18 never felt so good.
~~~
“Oh, so you guys are all going?” Ashton asked as they all sat around Shay’s apartment, counting down the final days until the first day of college..
“Yeah, dude. We’ve all been accepted for months. You haven’t applied yet?” a friend said.
“No.”
Shay rolled her eyes. Of course Ashton hadn’t applied to college. Ashton was smart, but him and school didn’t mix.
“So, what are you gonna do? It’s not like you have a job,” the friends continued to tease.
“I have a job!” Ashton protested.
“Right, the theater job thing. I forgot.”
Ashton puffed his chest out proudly. He had worked a steady weekend job at a drive-in theater since he was 13. He didn’t need college. But, all his friends were going... “Is it too late to apply you think?”
Shay scoffed. “It’s community college. Deadlines don’t exist.”
An hour later, Ashton Irwin was a pending college applicant.
~~~
“Happy anniversary,” he told her.
“Is it really our anniversary, though?” Shay teased.
“Yeah! Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Because we broke up?”
“Oh, c’mon, that doesn’t count…”
“So, now would be a bad time to admit that I was totally seeing that guy, huh?”
“What?!”
“Derek. I was seeing him. I mean, I certainly kissed him a lot.”
“You kissed somebody?! I didn’t even…” his eyes dropped down to his lap, “C’mon!”
Shay laughed. “You knew! You met him!”
“I wasn’t paying attention!”
“You never are!”
“Exactly!”
“Well don’t break up with me, then!”
“Alright, I won’t.”
“Good.”
~~~
“Hey, Ash, you ready to go?” Shay asked, walking into the theater shop.
“Yeah, after this game we can go,” he told her, his eyes never moving from the videogame.
Shay took a seat next to him and waited. It was the same routine. She’d get out of class, walk over to the shop where he had been working since he got out of class, and he’d be playing a game with his coworkers before they all headed home for the day.
The game ended, Ashton put his controller away, grabbed his backpack, then grabbed Shay’s waiting hand. “Ready?” he asked, placing a kiss on her forehead.
“Ready,” she smiled, adjusting her own backpack on her shoulder.
“Wait, you guys are a couple?!” a coworker asked, looking at them in bewilderment.
“Yes…” Shay said slowly, not understanding.
“Oh, shit! Our bad! Wow, that’s really awkward…”
“What’s going on?” Shay asked.
“They thought you were my sister…” Ashton told her.
Shay clapped a hand to her mouth in amusement. “Oh, my God! What?!” Shay said, her laugh ringing out.
“Well, you’re never affectionate with him… and like… yeah… sorry.”
Shay continued to laugh. She supposed it was true. Ashton and her kept their displays of affection on the downlow. They had never been the overly affectionate couple. They knew they cared for each other. That was enough.
~~~
“Wait, so you’re going to Italy for the summer?”
“Yeah, it’s for the abroad thing. It’s only 3 weeks.”
“But… you said we were going to save so we could both go next year.”
“Yeah, but my parents said I go now or I don’t go at all.”
“So, you’re gonna go without me?”
“Yes!”
“Irwin!”
“What?! You’re seriously going to get mad at me for going to Italy for 3 weeks? It’s 3 weeks, not 3 months!”
“What if you find someone else?!”
Ashton laughed. “Are you for real right now?”
“Yes! It’s not funny!”
“Babe… it’s me. I hate people…”
She frowned.
“I won’t go to Rome without you, okay?”
“Fine…”
“Can I go to Venice, though?”
“Irwin!”
“Oh, c’mon! You gotta let me do one. Venice or Rome?”
“Fine, you can go to Venice…”
“Great! Start making a list of the things you want me to get you while I’m there.”
~~~
“Stop flinching,” Ashton whispered.
“This hurts,” Shay hissed back, crushing his hand in hers as the needle worked itself into her shoulder.
“You’re the one who wanted a tattoo.”
“That’s because they’re cool.”
“You’re dumb.”
“And yet, you’re still dating me.”
~~~
Ashton clapped a hand over his mouth to stifle a laugh. “Uh… that’s not blonde…”
“I know!” Shay laughed at her laptop. “But it still looks cool, yeah?”
“It’s your hair,” he shrugged. Then, there was a knock on his apartment door. “Shit, give me one second.”
“I’ll be here,” Shay told him.
She heard the voices, girl voices, then the door shutting and Ashton laughing breathlessly as he came back into view. “Suckers!”
“What did you do?”
“They asked me to take a picture of them, so I took their camera and closed the door,” Ashton laughed.
“That was mean!” Shay laughed with him.
He shrugged. “So? They’ve been driving me nuts. God, I told you how I’m the only boy on this trip, right?”
“You did. Sorry.”
He shrugged again. “Eh, it’s just annoying.”
“Well, you’ll be home soon.”
“Yep!”
~~~
Oh, my God Ashton texted Shay
What?
I just realized something
What?
You know how when things heat up they expand
Yeah.
I’m not fat I’m just really hot
Shay laughed at her phone.
~~~
“Aw, you brought me doughnuts? That was sweet of you,” she smiled at him as he handed her the bag of doughnut holes.
“Yeah, c’mon. Can’t be late to this… where am I taking you again?”
“To the battleship, then the museum,” she reminded him.
“And how did you get a tour of the battleship?”
“It’s for school. My professor works at the museum and has free tours for the battleship all the time. It’s extra credit.”
“Okay, nerd. Let’s go.”
She laughed. “Shut up, it’s World War 2 stuff. You’re gonna love it just as much as I am.”
“True.”
~~~
“Oh, God damn it!” he yelled, hitting his hands against the steering wheel as the car came clunking to a halt. “No, no, no!”
“What’s happening?”
“My car’s crapping out,” he said, hitting his hazards, putting the car in neutral, and looking behind him. “C’mon,” he said, opening his car door. “I need you to steer while I push.”
“What? I don’t drive!”
“Time to learn! C’mon, before the light changes.”
She quickly undid her seatbelt and climbed into the driver’s seat, shaking hands gripping the steering wheel.
“Just steer. I’ll do the rest,” he assured her, hands on the car’s bumper. “Ready? Go!” He walked, pushing the car, while Shay steered them to the curb and out of the way of traffic. He let out his breath, pushing his sweaty hair out of his face. “Well, that was fun,” he said, grabbing his phone to call for help.
“What are we gonna do?” she asked, moving back to the passenger seat.
“Get my car to a shop.”
“But the battleship… my extra credit…”
“Yeah, we’ll probably miss the battleship. But, I’ll try to get us to the museum, okay?”
“Okay.”
After he called for help, he reached in the backseat to grab his laptop. “Doctor Who?”
Shay nodded and scooted closer to him.
~~~
“Our shoes are in the car,” Shay reminded him as they sat down to undo their ice skates. After their car misadventure, they had made it to the museum, and now they had just finished up ice skating. An attempt for Ashton to salvage the day for his girlfriend. Only, he had taken their shoes to the car before they started skating.
He sighed and crouched down slightly. “Climb on,” he said.
“You’re gonna carry me to the car?” she laughed.
“That’s where your shoes are right?”
“Yeah. And yours.”
“Oh, my God, climb on, already!”
So she did, letting out a breathless giggle as she clung to his neck and his arms hiked her legs up around his waist, before carrying her to the car.
~~~
“Oh, this is so cool,” Shay breathed as they pulled up to the campsite.
“It’s just a campsite,” he told her.
She smiled. God, he was such a boy. This was so much more than a campsite. This was their first vacation that was just the two of them. It was just them and the stars and the cool February air. And the other campers at the nearby sites, but who cared about those people. “And it’s cool,” she told him, still smiling.
“Whatever, weirdo,” he chuckled. “Help me get the tent up and then I’ll make dinner.”
~~~
They sat in the back of the SUV, side by side, Shay’s legs swinging back and forth as they ate their dinner. “Are you having a good Valentine’s weekend?” she asked him.
“I already got my Valentine’s Day stuff. This trip is your gift.”
She rolled her eyes playfully. He had wanted dinner and a movie, so she had taken him out to that on actual Valentine’s Day. She wanted to go camping and shooting, so now they were doing that now that it was the weekend. “But, yes, I’m having fun,” he answered.
She leaned into him, “Good.”
~~~
The next day, after a morning spent shooting, they traversed through the creek. She sat on a log and watched in awe as he bent down to gather the flattest stones he could fine before skipping them across the creek. Her mind wandered and if she closed her eyes hard enough she could hear the laughter of the kids they would have one day, and she could see him teaching them to skip rocks, and the way he would hold their hands to help them over logs like he did with her. God, their future was going to be amazing one day. She ignored the pang in her stomach that told her this could already be their life. No. Not today. Today she was content being 20 years old and just as in love with the boy throwing rocks as she was when they were fifteen.
~~~
“Look at her! Look at that smile!” his dad teased Shay as she came skipping up to them.
“What?” Shay asked, smiling brightly.
“You grin wider the closer you get to him,” her boyfriend’s dad told her.
Her cheeks flushed. Alright, maybe she wasn’t the stoic badass she liked to make believe she was. Maybe she really was just a lovestruck fool. Oh well.
~~~
“Oh, shit, I’m hungry…” she said as her stomach growled.
“It’s only 7,” Ashton mumbled. Then, “Wait? It’s 7 already?!”
“Yeah… I was gonna order a pizza like a while ago.”
“Ooo, pizza sounds good.”
“I think there’s a Roundtable in Duarte.”
“Ooo, I love their pizza.”
“Let’s go!”
So off they went in search of pizza. And on their way they found a… wait, no… it couldn’t be. A Toys R Us?! What?! “Oh, we gotta go in there!” Ashton said excitedly. “Please?!”
“Oh hell yeah!” Shay agreed, equally excited. “We can look around while we wait for the pizza.”
“Hmm… Nerf gun or Legos…” Ashton thought as they wandered through the aisles. “Nerf gun or Legos…”
“You get the Legos. I’ll get the Nerf gun,” Shay decided.
“You gorgeous woman,” Ashton marveled.
~~~
“Hey, can you make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?” Shay asked Ashton.
“You want a sandwich?”
“Please?”
“Alright,” he said, getting up and going into the kitchen. He came back a few moments later, the jar of jelly stacked on top of the jar of peanut butter, balanced between 2 pieces of bread. “Here you go,” he smirked.
“You idiot!” she laughed. “C’mon, I’m hungry.”
“You’re a strong, independent woman,” he told her, walking back out of the room.
“You better come back in her with a sandwich I can actually eat!” she shouted down the hall to him.
~~~
She looked over at the man across from her and scowled.
“Oh, what?” Ashton huffed at her.
“Nothing…”
“Bullshit. Tell me what’s bothering you now.”
“I’m 21… we’ve been together 5 years…”
“And?”
She threw her hands in the air like the answer should be as obvious to him as it was to her. “5 years! Tick tock, let’s go!”
He rolled his eyes. “Really? We’re still in college, you goof. We have shitty jobs and live in a bedroom.”
“So?”
“So, I want to be able to provide for you, stupid.”
“That’s stupid! Do you know how many people our age have kids and live with their parents?”
“Yeah, and I want better than that for us!”
“We have our own place! We have jobs!”
“We rent a room! Our jobs are shit! We’re still in school!”
Her eyes narrowed. “Fine. You got 2 years before I pressure you for kids and 3 until I pressure you for kids. Better get to work.”
“Fine,” he agreed.
~~~
“What are you doing?” Shay laughed as Ashton put a football helmet on his head and started driving.
“Safety is no laughing matter,” her told her seriously as he kept driving.
She laughed anyway. “You’re such a weirdo.”
~~~
“Oh, give me her hair!” Ashton said, holding out his hand as the friend snipped of Shay’s hair.
“This?” the girl said, waving the hunk of hair in his face.
“Yes!”
Shay laughed. “What are you gonna do with my hair? Clone me?”
“Maybe…” he smirked, wrapped the chunk of hair in a hair band.
~~~
“Oh, wow, New York is amazing!” Shay said, brown eyes with wonder as she took in the sights.
“It’s alright,” Ashton shrugged, his shoe scuffing at the ground.
She stuck her tongue out at him. “Ooo, I’m Irwin. I’m a world traveler,” she mocked.
He laughed, “Shut up. It’s just New York.”
“Well, I’ve never been to New York, spoiled brat,” she continued to tease.
“I know. That’s why we brought you to New York.”
She just smiled at him. She was spending a whole week in the greatest city with her boyfriend and his family. And maybe, just maybe, she would leave an engaged woman. After all, why else would a boy bring his girlfriend to New York for a week with his family after dating for 6 years if not to propose to her?
~~~
“So…” Shay said.
“So?”
“Really? You’re gonna make me say it?”
“Say what? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
She huffed and crossed her arms. “You should know what I’m talking about.”
He rolled his eyes. “Oh, c’mon. Really? You wanna have this conversation now? Fine. I’m trying to make your ring, okay? God, way to ruin the surprise.”
“You what?”
“The blacksmithing classes, dummy. I want to make your ring. I just need time alright?”
“I thought you were waiting until we both had jobs and had our own place…”
“Yeah, that too. That would definitely help. But, I’m working on it, alright?”
“So, that’s why you didn’t propose in New York?”
“You thought I was gonna propose in New York? God, we were on vacation with my parents! That wasn’t gonna happen. When I propose, it’s gonna be just you and me.”
“Oh…”
“Yeah. Just give me time, alright? I’m working on it, I promise.”
“Okay,” she said. Then. “It’s been a year. 1 year until I pressure you for marriage and 2 for kids.”
“You’re pressuring me now,” he told her.
“Alright, shutting up. Just wanted to see your progress, damn.”
~~~
Ashton let out a gasp, and ran out the door.
“What are you doing?” Shay called, getting up to see what her idiot of a boyfriend was up to now.
“Shh! There’s a duck!” he whispered at her, pointing to the duck in the front yard.
“Yeah, it’s probably from the cemetery across the street,” she told him.
“I’m gonna catch it…” he said, wiggling his eyebrows and slowly approaching the duck while quacking at it.
Shay stood in the doorway laughing as Ashton tried, and failed, to catch the duck.
~~~
“Oh, he’s so cute!” Shay marveled at her godson.
“Trust me, you don’t want this!” her friend Stasia said, gesturing to her pregnant self. “Not fun.”
“See? Pregnancy sucks,” Ashton told Shay.
Shay’s eyes narrowed. At 22 and a half, she was getting a little sick that her and Ashton were still just boyfriend and girlfriend. “He’s still cute, and I want one,” Shay said, pulling her godson towards her and hugging him tightly.
“Well you can’t have this one,” Cat, the baby’s mother, and Shay’s best girlfriend, told her.
~~~
“So…” Shay started when they were driving back home.
“No,” Ashton said, firmly.
“Oh, c’mon, you don’t even know what I was going to say.”
“Yes, I do.”
“What was I going to say, then?”
“Marriage. Babies. No.”
She crossed her arms and pouted. “Why not?”
“You said you wouldn’t pressure me.”
“I’m not!”
“You are.”
“You’re being ridiculous. We both graduated. We both have jobs. Good jobs.”
He scoffed. “You’re going back to school to get your bachelor’s. And your job kinda sucks.”
“It’s better than what I used to do! I’m in my field!”
“When’s the last time you went to work?”
“It’s summer! The schools are on summer break!”
“Exactly. And we live with your mom.”
“That was not my fault.”
“I didn’t say it was. Look. Yes, we’re better off than we used to be. But, we’re not there yet, okay?”
“You’re not there yet. I’ve been there the whole time.”
“Alright, fine. I’m not there yet. So the answer’s still no.”
~~~
“What are you doing?” she laughed as he put the car in neutral and coasted down the street.
“Saving gas!” he laughed as he swerved the car carefully through the street to keep momentum. “I want to see if I can get all the way home.
They continued to laugh. It wasn’t like he couldn’t make it. They had only gone up the block for a late night McDonald's run for ice cream. “Go, go, go!” Shay urged, throwing her body forward like it would help propel the car forward.
“Yeah!” Ashton cheered as he turned the car into the driveway. “Made it!”
“Whoohoo!”
~~~
“Did you get the spread?” Ashton asked, digging into the bag.
“Yes,” Shay said, grabbing a plate for his food.
“Good girlfriend,” he cooed, ruffling her hair playfully.
“I’ll kill you,” she laughed.
“Good girlfriend!”
~~~
“Whoa, what?” Shay said as she was pulled away from the stove and was twirled in a circle.
“What? I’m dancing with you,” Ashton said, dipping her low.
“You’re gonna drop me!” Shay squealed, her arms flailing to keep her balance.
“See?” he said, tugging her upright. “This is why I don’t dance with you.”
“Bullshit, you hate dancing.”
“That too.”
~~~
I got you a surprise Shay’s phone read.
Will I like it? And do I get it now?
Yes and yes.
Shay smiled and watched the door for Ashton, excited about this “surprise” he had for her.
“McDonald's?” she said, skeptically, as he handed her the bag of food with a cheesy grin on his face.
“Open it,” he encouraged.
Shay rolled her eyes and expected to pull out a burger or chicken nuggets. “Mozzarella sticks?! Awesome!” she grinned, her mouth watering as she opened the box.
He chuckled. “Yeah, I thought you’d like it.”
A cheese stick was already in her mouth. “Good boyfriend!” she cooed, patting his head.
~~~
“I just… I love him. I want to be with him. But, I need more. And if he’s… that’ll suck. It’ll hurt. But, if he doesn’t want to marry me, he needs to let me go so I can find somebody who does. I’m ready for that next part of my life,” Shay whispered to her friend in the dark at 1 am.
“And has he ever said he didn’t want to marry you?” Steve whispered back.
“No. But, he’s not doing anything about it either.”
“Well, it’s Irwin. Can you blame him for wanting to give you everything first?”
“No. And I don’t. I love him all the more for wanting us to be stable and successful first. But, that’s not really realistic is it? And it’s kinda open to interpretation. Like finish school first. Okay. We did that. Get jobs. Okay, we did that too. It’s like every time I check something off this stupid list, he adds more.”
“Have you told him that?”
“No… and I shouldn’t have to, should I? Like… it’s been 7 and a half years. Either he wants to marry me or he doesn’t. An engagement shouldn’t be too much to ask for at this point.”
“And that’s all you want? Just an engagement?”
“I mean, no. I want everything. But, for now? Yeah, an engagement will be enough for now.”
“So, tell him that.”
“I can’t! It’s 1 am and he’s at home. It’s not like I’d be able to say it to his face anyway.”
“So text him.”
“Now?”
“Yeah, why not?”
“Okay,” she said, reaching for her phone. With shaky hands, she typed out the message.
I love you. I will always love you. But, I need more from you than what you’re giving.
She hit send and put her phone down besides her. She wasn’t expecting a response, so she jumped when her phone pinged a few seconds later.
You’re right. I’m sorry.
~~~
“Oh, this is so cool!” she said, grabbing the Lego bride and groom set.
Ashton scoffed. “You just won’t let it go, huh?”
It was New Year’s Eve, 6 months post breakdown. They had both dropped the topic of marriage and kids after that text, Shay choosing to believe that Ashton would get it together, Ashton believing Shay would continue to understand.
“Oh, what? Are you saying this wouldn’t be cool to use as a wedding cake topper?”
“We’re not even engaged...”
“Hmm, wow. I had no idea.”
Ashton laughed. “Alright. You can buy it. But you can’t build it until I propose. And you have to buy me this,” he said, holding up a Lego Darth Maul keychain.
“Deal!” Shay agreed. She was learning to compare less and be more content with the life they shared. And he was trying. At least, he didn’t roll his eyes and completely shut her down when she brought up marriage anymore. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t hoping for him to ask her tonight.
~~~
“Share fries?” he asked, as they stood in line to order themselves dinner.
“Yes,” she said, skeptically. They had always shared fries when they went out to eat. A drink too. Saved money that way.
“Share a drink?”
“Yes…”
“Share a bank account, your life,” he continued to drawl on, a stupid grin coming across his face.
She snorted. “Your proposal needs some work.”
“Alright,” he shrugged, walking off to get them a table while she ordered.
When she slid the drink across the table to him, he slid a ketchup container at her. “Open the ketchup,” he grinned.
She laughed and smacked his arm. “Keep this up and when you propose for real, I’m gonna tell you to shut the fuck up.”
“That’s the plan,” he continued to grin.
~~~
“So, can I get a puppy?” she asked him.
“You want a puppy?”
“Yeah! You won’t propose. And you won’t give me a baby until we’re married. So, get me a puppy.”
He sighed. “Wait until we get our own place? Your mom won’t let you get a dog.”
“I’m an adult. I can get a puppy if I want a puppy. But, fine. Here,” she said, showing him her phone. “Any of those places look good?
He sighed again. “So, a puppy, huh?”
“Puppy!” she said, excitedly, pulling her phone back to show him pictures of the dogs at the shelter she had liked.
~~~
“Did you see those links I sent you?” she asked, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.
“Which ones? The apartments, the dogs, or the rings?”
“The rings. If you’re still designing it, that’s fine. But, I like how those ones look. Especially this one. It has a lifetime warranty.”
“Alright, I’ll keep that in mind.”
~~~
“Well, we’ve only been together for 8 years,” Shay laughed, pushing her shoulder into Ashton’s shoulder. She had tried being patient. She had tried giving him ultimatums. She felt he was close to feeling ready as he had been less annoyed with her pestering. But still. It had been almost a year since she bought that damned Lego set. It was up in their closet, collecting dust. The proposal had to happen soon, right?
“Wow, that’s a long time to be with someone,” Ashton’s coworker whistled.
“It is!” Shay agreed, shooting daggers at Ashton, who just shrugged and sipped at his drink.
~~~
“So, are you two married yet?” Ashton’s brother-in-law teased at Christmas Eve.
“Nope,” Shay said. “Not even engaged yet. Weird,” she continued to passive-aggressively make comments about the lack of a ring on her finger, mistaking the look on Ashton’s face as a desperate plea to drop the conversation.
~~~
“I’m gonna make you breakfast in the morning,” he told her as they crawled into bed after Christmas Eve with his family.
“Oh, is that my present?” she smiled at him, feeling a little guilty for giving him so much shit in front of his family. She was trying really hard to be content with what they had. They loved each other. Did she really need a ring on her finger to make that love feel more real? No. But, she’d be lying if she said she didn’t want what her friends had- engagements and kids- instead of what she had- a job in her field of interest, a boyfriend with a steady job, and a growing college education. While she was certain her friends were envious of her life at times, it didn’t make her any less envious of theirs. Those first few years after the abortion had been really rough as the wound was still new. She had learned to live with the voices in her head, becoming okay with her and Ashton’s decision all those years ago. But now? Well, it still felt like she was stuck. She had gotten the abortion so her and Ashton could become the people they were meant to be. And with every year that passed without some sort of measurable success, she felt she was failing the daughter she had given up. Not that she knew if it was a daughter, but that’s what she liked to believe.
“Yep,” he smiled, kissing her. “Night!”
~~~
“Do you want your present now? Or do you want to wait for everybody?” Ashton asked, coming into the room with breakfast for her.
“I thought that breakfast was my gift.”
He scoffed and placed the tray over her. “Of course I got you a real gift. So, do you want it now, or do you wanna wait?”
“Mmm, I can wait,” she said, cutting off a piece of pancake and putting it in her mouth.
“I think you’re gonna want it now.”
She rolled her eyes. “Fine, give it to me now, then.”
He dropped to his knees, pulling a small box from behind his back.
“Oh, my God!”
He laughed and opened the box, revealing a small ring with 2 sets of 3 white stones on either side of a larger red stone. The ring she had picked out and showed him a month ago. “Will you marry me?”
“Shut the fuck up! I hate you! No! Oh, my God! Yes!” she screamed, moving the tray of food to the side so she didn’t knock it over as she freaked out.
“Is that a yes?” he asked, slipping the ring on her finger.
“You’re such a jerk!” she continued to freak out. “Oh, my God! I love you,” she finally sputtered, her freakout coming to an end. Then, her eyes went wide. “Oh, my God… I am the BIGGEST asshole! I’m so sorry!” she said, apologizing for all her passive aggressive comments at both his work’s holiday party and dinner with his family last night.
He grinned. “Yeah, you kinda are.”
“Shut up!” she laughed. “You’re supposed to say nice things about me.”
“But, I’m agreeing with you.”
“Oh, my God,” she squealed one more time, looking at her hand. “You know you’re never going to be able to top this gift, yeah?”
“Oh, yeah. I know. I was gonna take you to the mountains for New Year’s and propose then. But, I don’t do well with plans. So… here we are.”
She smiled. “Best. Christmas. EVER!”
#still into you#part 2#ashton irwin#5sos#shayton#galcal irwin#I told you it had a happy ending!#but wait!#there's more!#we're only 8 years in folks!#I got 2 more years worth of stories to share!
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Curses, Curses. Chapter 5
Junior year is often considered the most difficult year of high school. Kyle would agree with that on a regular day, he didn’t need some magical bullshit wriggling its fingers at him and turning him into an ass-old Bill Murray movie reboot.
“Scrooge did not have repeating days, thanks though, Kenneth.” Kyle wished Kenny would give him his hat back. He wasn’t dressed for the city, he didn’t even bother to tame his hair. But Kenny, towering over him and smirking, wore his hat on his stupid, smug head.
“It’s a joke, Kyleth.” Kenny tsked his tongue. “Relax. Enjoy…whatever the fuck this is. Fancy shit.”
“Fancy shit” was some sort of sculptures made out of metal in a room with mirrors. Kyle could vaguely make out the shapes of a couple. Out of the….twenty or so?
“It’s just so highbrow.” Kyle could see his reflection from about 500 different angles. “Metal and mirrors. So complex.”
“Shiny.” Kenny grinned into a statue’s bizarrely long fingers. “I look cute in this hat.”
“Give it back.”
“Nope.”
Kyle could see himself in the mirror behind Kenny, looking tense and pale. He looked awful, almost sick. He ran a hand through his hair out of habit, not that it helped his complexion any.
It was interesting, the museum, but the thought that this was just temporary was eating away at him. He had a countdown. Just a handful of hours, and he’d wake back up in his bed like nothing happened.
He wasn’t sure why Kenny was acting like everything was fine, like this was some dumb excursion the two were going on for kicks. It was- he needed the distraction, sure, that was nice, but he felt like he was wasting time. Which maybe was illogical considering he was in a loop, but it was still grating on him and wouldn’t go away.
Kyle was promptly hip-checked into a mirror.
He immediately turned around to smack Kenny in the stomach with his forearm, causing the blond to buckle, groaning his laughter.
“What t-the fffff-” Kyle was trying to be angry, but Kenny was giggling like an idiot now and his shoulders were shaking.
“What was that for?” Kyle couldn’t help but grin, which probably lessened the ferocity of his question. He lowered his voice, in case the security walking around went to check why a teenager was being thrown into mirrors. “We’re going to get kicked out, you ass.”
“You looked too solemn, man.” Kenny insisted, in the same quiet tone. He rubbed his midsection, grinning broadly. “Thought I’d wipe the look off your face.”
“By shoving me into a mirror.”
“If need be.” Kenny’s grin softened, and he stood back up straight.
The blond then trotted over, cheerfully throwing an arm around his shoulder and dragging a cross-armed Kyle into a half-hug. Kenny tilted his head, blue eyes becoming serious.
“All right. You doing okay?” Kenny looked like he was hunchbacked, he was trying so hard to look Kyle in the eyes. “If we’re getting real, let’s get real.”
Kyle pressed his lips together, looking away. Not that it helped, given they were literally surrounded by reflective surfaces. He could still see Kenny looking at him, could actually feel him breathing. He wasn’t going to offer to talk about this.
“Ky-le.” Kenny drew out the name as long as he could. Singsongy. “Silence is not an answer. Doc needs to be paid at the end of the day.”
“I’m gonna fire you, how about that?” Kyle grumbled, tempted to shrug off the arm. Or elbow him.
“You’ll find yourself pushed into something worse next time, how about that?” Kenny replied with a happy lilt to his voice.
Kyle made a sound between a scoff and a snort and Kenny did not remove his arm.
It was easier to relax like that, truthfully. Kenny’s worn grey hoodie seemed to radiate warmth and his arm rested heavily around his shoulders. Kyle wouldn’t say Kenny smelled great- the scent of cigarettes and a slight unwashed smell tended to drift around the taller high schooler- but there was something familiar in it. A memory of being stupid and young, or at least stupider and younger, running around their little town like they owned the place. Kenny giggling over dumb shit and his strong hugs through a ratty parka.
They skirted through the museum like that, Kyle tucked into his side like an accessory or something. Kenny stopped at one room to take a good moment or two to admire some modern photographs of…well. Nudes. Kyle, red-faced and irritated, grabbed him by the waist and used to weight to pull him towards the exit. Kenny, though far skinnier than the redhead, was able to anchor him so Kyle more or less was struggling to take a single staggering step while Kenny didn’t break a sweat.
“Would you stop?” Kyle asked, trying to drag Kenny and getting nowhere.
“Don’t you like art, Kyle?” Kenny was dragging him back, making the two more or less look like they were wrestling in the museum. “Look at the art. So beautiful. Look at it.” Kyle changed tactics to try and squirm away, but Kenny had a solid grip. He was also laughing like a maniac. “What mastery. Why are you trying to run, Kyle? Don’t you appreciate the work that goes into things like this?”
Kyle’s sneakers skittered on the ground as he tried scrambling out of the bear hug. “Fuck you!” He tried to say, but with his face shoved into Kenny’s sweatshirt it wasn’t likely it could be distinguished.
“Look at the art, Kyle!”
“Fuck off!”
“LOOK AT IT.”
“LET ME GO!”
“LOOK AT THE BOOBS, KYLE.”
“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?”
“Yeah, I’m going to have to ask you two to stop roughhousing.”
Kenny’s grip slackened enough for Kyle to squirm around in his arms and look over his shoulder. An official-looking person was watching with disapproval.
“Sorry,” Kenny said, sending her a charming smile.
The official didn’t look amused.
“You’re making people uncomfortable.” There was a beat where the two boys stared, one in mixed horror and the other in delighted amusement. “You can move to the next room now.”
Kenny sounded like he was choking. “Yep, sorry. Here we go, behaving ourselves.” He steered a red-faced, sputtering Kyle out of the room, actually tearing up with the effort to not bust out laughing.
They more or less fled through the other few rooms, both quiet as they were watched carefully by staff. Once outside, Kenny threw his arm back around Kyle as the other covered his face and laughed.
“Oh my god, really?”
Kenny gave Kyle a squeeze, nuzzling into his hair. “We make people uncomfortable together. What a bonding moment. First skipping school and now nearly being thrown out of museums. You’re becoming a rebel, Broflovski.”
“Right. Because that totally wasn’t about you shouting about breasts across the damn museum.”
“It never is.”
“What?” Kyle laughed, slumping against Kenny’s lanky form. “You think you’re funny, doesn’t you, loser?”
“You’re the one laughing,” Kenny pointed out with twinkling eyes.
Kyle elbowed him lovingly.
“Fine, fine.” Kenny took his arm back with a grin, leaving Kyle feeling a little colder. “How about lunch, then?”
Well, this was a snapshot. Kyle was more or less snuggled by Kenny. The two sat on a park bench, in the freezing Colorado cold, eating burgers at night.
“We’re going to get mugged,” Kyle said solemnly, unwrapping his sandwich.
“We’ll be fine,” Kenny promised through a mouthful of burger. “I’ll protect you.”
“My hero.” Kyle grumbled.
Quiet fell on them both as they scarfed down the food, watching a gaggle of tipsy young adults giggle through the park. Kenny looked thoughtful, eyes tracking the group, and Kyle ‘accidentally’ nudged him with his elbow.
Kenny redirected his attention, beaming, lights catching his lank hair like a halo.
“Get me tomorrow morning.” Kenny said lightly, crumpling up the foil in his hand. “Let’s meet and make a plan. You and me. Okay?”
Kyle swallowed thickly, nodding. He was going to take him up on that. Kenny believed him the second he told him what was happening, he could- he’d need someone who didn’t think he was crazy.
“I don’t know how we’re going to make it stop,” Kyle pointed out. “Kenny, I have no fucking idea what’s going on.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Kenny tossed the foil-ball at the trash can across the pathway and threw his hands up when it didn’t hit the rim. Face impassive in its celebration, he put his hands back down. “You’re dealing with it, I’ll help you. We’ll figure something out. Don’t worry.”
Kyle exhaled.
“You worry too much, Ky.” Kenny said affectionately. “There’ll be time for that. Relax.”
“I don’t know where the cutoff is.” Kyle started talking before Kenny even finished his sentence. “I don’t know where the day resets. If it’s midnight, or after, or before…the nights start to blur.”
Kenny tilted his head, looking for all the word like a puppy dog with the wide blue eyes. He watched Kyle, brows furrowing before his expression lightened again.
Kenny reached. Confused, Kyle gave him the foil wrap from his own sandwich.
Snorting, Kenny tossed it towards the bin and reached for his hand again, this time wrapping Kyle’s fingers in between his own.
Kenny squeezed his hand.
Another drift of memories…the chatter of elementary school cafeterias. Kyle embarrassing himself or fussing over something obsessively or getting the short end of every stick he was handed. Small moments of comfort from a smaller hand- Kenny had been smaller than him- wrapped around his own, or a pat on the shoulder, a nudge, a bear hug. Being closer to Stan, being some sort of frenemies with Cartman. None of this drifting. None of this too-quiet nights and too-routine mornings.
Kyle squeezed back.
He felt Kenny shift, and then his old hat was settled on his head again. Kenny gently pulled it down over Kyle’s ears with his free hand.
“Relax,” Kenny said again, voice far quieter. Soft. “I know what you’re thinking about. You’re waking up again in a couple hours, back in your own bed. Nothing changed, no matter what you did that day. And no one is going to remember what you went through. So it’s fucking scary, because you’re totally powerless. But you’re going to be fine, Kyle.” He bumped his shoulder against the curly-haired boy’s. “I’m going to listen to you. I’m going to help. You are not by yourself, not by a longshot, dude. So don’t you worry. However many days we need to go through, I’m with you.” He leaned down, forehead pressing against Kyle’s hat. “Got it?”
Kyle didn’t answer. But he did keep his grip on Kenny’s hand. That seemed to be answer enough for the blond, he at least didn’t press.
Kyle watched his breath crystalize in front of him. It was so cold in this stupid park. Kenny must be freezing in this weather, wearing a thin hoodie and no other layers. It was like him, honestly. So fucking aware of other people and not taking enough consideration for himself. The quality Kyle hated in Kenny and admired over almost all else.
“I’m bringing you a coat tomorrow.” He said abruptly, with no further explanation.
Kenny squeezed his hand gently. “Cool. Can I wear your hat again?”
“No.”
#sp k2#k2#kyle broflovski#kenny mccormick#kyle x kenny#PaisleyWrites#honestly I probably should have connected this with the last one but here you go#Sequel is being planned and I'm not even close to done I don't think I'm doing this right#I just have this one idea and the time loop isn't even important I just needed a way to introduce it#I mean it's important but it's not the main thing#Not that anyone asked for a novel but here you go#Hope you all having a great weekend yo
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