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bamfdaddio · 3 years

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X-Men Abridged: 1977

The X-Men, those starjammin' mutants that have sworn to protect a world that hates and fears them, are a cultural juggernaut with a long, tangled history. Want to unravel this tapestry? Then read the Abridged X-Men!

(X-Men 103 - 108) - written by Chris Claremont and art by Dave Cockrum, Bob Brown and John Byrne

The fabled M’Kraan Crystal, a.k.a. Everything’s a butt plug if you’re brave enough. (X-Men 107)

When we last left our X-Men, they were being pummelled into a paste by Black Tom and the Juggernaut at the ancestral Cassidy Keep. Only Nightcrawler was out of their clutches, because he was saved by elves. (All Irish keeps have elves, plz don’t question it.) Apparently, Juggernaut and Black Tom have been holding the inhabitants of the castle hostage under the orders of Eric the Red. Black Tom plans to mindrape the X-Men to lure Charles to Ireland to kill him, which… er… Wouldn’t it be easier to go back to the USA now that Charles is mostly unprotected? Most of the the X-Men are in Oire right now!

Nightcrawler incidentally discovers he turns invisible in the shadows, and it makes total sense that he only realizes this now, because they have no shadows in Germany. Eh, nobody remembers he has this power these days anyway, so! Moving briskly on!

Kurt surprises the gay villainous duo by pretending to be a surprisingly spry Xavier. (Image inducer ftw.) While trying to turn Nightcrawler into a smear of blue fuzz, Juggernaut punches through a wall, exposing Storm to the sky and releasing her from the tight grip of her claustrophobia.

Very few things fill me with more delight than seeing Storm doing loop-de-loops. (X-Men 103)

Storm frees the rest of the X-Men. In the final battle, Banshee tussles with Tom, tossing him off the ramparts and straight into the choppy ocean. Even though tossing a villain into the water is an absolutely sure-fire way to guarantee they'll survive, Juggernaut jumps in after him, desperate to save his boyfriend. Friend. Whatever.

Hilariously, the people at marvel.fandom hate this issue and plotline, saying it’s more riddled with plot holes than Swiss cheese. For example, the elves reveal Wolverine’s real name - Logan - which… “This issue implies that the leprechauns have some prior knowledge of, and even a connection to Wolverine. This plot point, however, was completely dropped and never referenced again (which is probably for the best, considering how goofy it is.)”

I mean, they’re not wrong.

So. Hey. You ready for things to get weird?

Moira has received a VAGUE BUT DISTRESSING call for help from Muir Isle. Off-screen she got upgraded to being an associate at Edinburgh University who owns a lab in Scotland. She left some dude named Jamie Madrox in charge, which - Moira, you have a Phd, you should be able to tell that Madrox is an absolute (entertaining) mess of a person.

Also super surprised that Jamie Madrox was conceived in the seventies, but whatever.

In order to check out the lab, the X-Men rent a hovercraft, which explodes just off the shore of Muir Isle.

Get a bucket and a mop for this wet-ass fuzzy. (X-Men 104)

They are beset on all sides, before being pulled into the laboratory by… MAGNETO?

Magneto accusing anybody other than Dr. Doom or Namor of all-consuming arrogance shows us that self-awareness can’t be taught. (X-Men 104)

Cyclops arrives by airplane, reuniting with the team, while also talking to Moira and Madrox. Absolutely bonkers revelations are made in the space of three pages:

Moira’s lab is a secret Mutant Research Centre. (uh…)

In the Defenders-comic, Magneto was de-aged into a baby. (...what?!)

‘Research Centre’ is a Scottish synonym for a penal colony for all kinds of dangerous mutants, like baby Magneto, Dragonfly, Unus and the mysterious Mutant-X. (...what?!)

Moira quite cavalierly experiments on prisoners and babies. She also has a machine that can manipulate age. Xavier knows and is fine with all of this. (wtf!?!?)

This is such a bonkers, messy way to rewrite both Moira and Magneto. Like, I can’t.

Eric the Red freed Magneto and then used the aging machine to turn Magneto back into an adult man at the peak of his powers. This Magneto is understandably upset at having been turned into a science lab experiment/baby and he mops the floor with the X-Men.

Cyclops makes the executive decision to flee Muir Isle, because they have no chance against Magneto and he now realizes Professor X is unprotected and probably at the mercy of Eric the Red. Wolverine calls him a big fat sissy to his face.

I kind of dig that the X-Men don't win a lot of their fights yet. They’re still treated as relatively unseasoned, especially as a team, and they don’t automatically win at the end of every story. It also gives Magneto more oomph as a villain.

Anyway, when the X-Men arrive at the mansion, they’re defeated by Firelord, Galactus’ former herald. He’s been duped into attacking them by Eric the Red. Firelord is convinced the X-Men are the villains, because Eric went with the Wounded Gazelle Gambit: he even knocked out Havok and Polaris to pretend he was attacked by our merry mutants. (Next time we see them, they’re back to their normal, non-brainwashed selves.)

In her new apartment, Jean is introducing her parents and Professor X to her new girlfriend roommate Misty Knight when princess Neramani (of, uh, space) teleports into the room. And then Firelord attacks Charles! Jean has absolutely zero chill for all of this.

I know very little about Misty Knight, but every time she appears, she responds to anything remotely surprising by drawing her gun. I assume she shoots her paper boy every morning. (X-Men 105)

The entire point of this issue is to show how big a threat Phoenix is. Claremont originally wanted to use a big name like Thor or the Silver Surfer, but editorial nixed that: they feared that it would be emasculating for a popular character to be beaten by a girl. Once again, this proves how badly the Phoenix storyline was needed. Did Jean single-handedly introduce feminism to superhero comics? I’mma say yes.

With Jean distracted and Charles teaching Lilandra English telepathically so he can woo the pretty space-lady and/or get an explanation as to why the universe is ending, Eric the Red strikes, revealing himself to be: SHAKARI.

Yeah, no, I don’t recognize the name either, but the dude’s been working on this reveal for a while, so just let him have it.

He absconds with Lilandra through the Stargate and switches it off, just as the X-Men arrive. Jean casually turns it back on and because the Professor is all, “we’ve got to save her! I mean the universe!”, the X-Men jump through the gate.

Jean’s parents are all out of wtfs to give.

We take a break from Shi´Ar shenanigans with an inconsequential filler issue, where we flashback to Xavier while he was being driven crazy by his Space Trek dreams. It’s established that Moira and Xavier are ex-lovers and that Xavier’s melodramatic subconscious wants to kill the new X-Men. (Probably not for real, but who knows.) Next!

Still a better villain than Onslaught. (X-Men 106)

Anyway, the X-Men find themselves surrounded by aliens in front of the ginormous M’Kraan Crystal. The Shi’Ar are all: ‘dafuq you’re doing here’, Cyclops is all: ‘We’re here for Lilandra’, and the Shi’Ar are all: ‘You mean our prisoner and rogue princess?’ Scott decides that gathering more information is for losers and starts blasting, triggering a fight with the Imperial Guard.

Lilandra, meanwhile, is in the hands of Shakari and her big brother, Emperor D’Ken. He releases some nebulously defined monster - a Soul Drinker - to kill Lilandra. Nightcrawler saves her from its murderous clutches by teleporting two people for the very first time. Lilandra doesn’t barf up her insides, which is apparently a test of character, and proceeds to explain what’s what.

First, she tells the X-Men that she felt Professor Xavier when he was doing the telepathic care bear attack against the Z’Nox way back in the sixties and that she felt instantly drawn to him. She also explains that she’s D’Ken’s younger sister and leading a rebellion against her mad, power hungry brother. Why is he mad? Well...

The X-Men vs. Astrology! Riveting. (Still a better villain than Onslaught.) Although, “I’m a Pisces” sounds a lot lamer than “I was born under the Nine Death Stars. (X-Men 107)

The guy in the mohawk is Gladiator, he is consistently the worst. Even when Lilandra reveals that opening that gate triggers the End of All That Is, he’s still all: “Juuust following orders.”

The Imperial Guard goes in for a smackdown, but the X-Men are fortunately saved by the Starjammers. (Space pirates, not an 80’s rock group.) They are:

Corsair, a debonair dude with one golden earring. Pretty obviously a human.

Raza, cyborg with a temper and somehow bald whilst rocking a ponytail.

Ch’od, lizard creature. Has a white fluffy spider monkey-thing that I don’t recognize and but is apparently called Waldo Ch'ee. (I pray it just got lost in Marvel history and that it doesn’t get squashed at some point. It’s adorable.)

Hepzibah, cute cat girl with a gun. Involved with Corsair, except he can’t pronounce her name so he just gave her the completely unrelated nickname Hepzibah? Dude!

Jean, having learned psychic etiquette from Charles Xavier, immediately violates their privacy and scans their minds, figuring out that Corsair is Scott’s dad. Superficial telepathic read, my ass.

Meanwhile, power builds up in the M’Kraan Crystal and the universe briefly blinks out of existence, threatening to tear open the fabric of the universe if this keeps up. To emphasize that this is a Big Honking Deal, we cut to Earth where the Avengers, Fantastic Four and Peter Corbeau (rumored to have an IQ over 200) are all: oy, did the universe just stop existing?

That’s Hank McCoy for “we’re fucked’”. Hi Jimmy Carter! (X-Men 108)

Apparently, this is the year the X-Men can’t catch a break, because after being beaten by the Juggernaut, Magneto and the Imperial Guard, they are soundly trashed by Jahf, the Guardian of the Crystal. That is, until Phoenix drops a small meteor on him. In a story beat that I really like, Jahf isn’t fazed at all: the Phoenix, despite her immeasurable power, isn’t omnipotent. Sometimes, you need a scalpel instead of a sledge hammer: it’s Banshee whose sonic scream can scramble the guardian’s circuitry.

Unfortunately, defeating the first guardian only awakens a second, stronger one, so…

Raza decides he’s had enough of this nonsense and, displaying admirable proactive problem solving skills, simply tosses D’Ken into the M’Kraan crystal. Presumably, the Crystal is annoyed at being attacked by someone who also has an unnecessary apostrophe in their name, and it lashes out, trapping everyone involved in their own personal hell. For Jean, this is apparently death, but she’s all: “Um, I was recently deceased, no big deal,” and snaps out of it.

The Phoenix reaches out the crystal, which is slowly cracking under the weight of the universe. (Same.) If it shatters, it will destroy the universe, devouring all . Think of it as a cosmic reset button. The Phoenix is its opposite, a bringer of energy and life, so it might be able to fix the crystal. Problem is, Jean has trouble remaining anchored in this reality, because she’s being absorbed by the crystal.

OKAY. SO MANY THINGS TO LOVE. Even when allied with a cosmic force, Storm proves she’s our queen. Furthermore, other than Jean/Scott, Ororo/Jean might the most fleshed out relationship among these new X-Men at this point. Their friendship is consistently a highlight.

Also, rough, rough day for Corsair. (X-Men 108)

Phoenix mends the crystal with a lot of mystical space mumbo jumbo and… er, that’s it. Cosmic balance restored, she poofs the X-Men home.

Lilandra tags along with them, explaining that D’Ken’s tinkering with the Crystal left him catatonic and unfit to rule. As his sister, she’s the rightful heir, but since she also led a rebellion, she kind of cancelled by her empire. She announces she will stay on Earth with Charles while the Shi´Ar iron out the details of the succession. So, instead of consolidating her power base and claim to the throne, she peaces out to explore her feelings for the hairless pink alien who can peek into her brain. Solid.

And with that final bit of space opera, we say goodbye to Dave Cockrum and welcome artist John Byrne. The Claremont/Byrne-run is widely seen as the definitive X-Men run, so hold onto your butts and let’s see where the Phoenix takes us, shall we?

Didn’t you take Art History? I stand by my space mumbo jumbo comment from earlier, but check out these Byrne-pages:

Chef’s kiss. (X-Men 108)

Ugliest Costume: I have a fierce hatred for the Shi'ar's weird wispy triangular hair/feather/thingies, but those are technically not costumes. So: Lilandra, why is your boob window a bug?

Best new character: I’m not much of a fan of space operas or the Shi’Ar and their extended court, but I do have a soft spot for the Starjammers, Hepzibah in particular. I fondly remember her being a part of the X-Men at some point in the future, although I don't think her actual unpronounceable name ever gets revealed.

Most audacious retcon: Moira the housekeeper is actually an evil morally complicated mad scientist.

What to read: Issue 105, 107 and 108, for all your Phoenix Saga needs.

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crimsonbluemoon · 4 years

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I've never requested one of your drabbles before so I'm nervous but uh 67 with Krii7y. Love your work by the way!

Ahhh I’m so close to being done with these drabblez!

Pairing: Krii7y Number: 67 Prompt: “Every morning you kiss my forehead before I leave for work, why was it my lips today?”

Being roommates with Smiity was weird.

Not that Kyroz really though he was normal himself, but Smiity was just...different. He enjoyed milk way more than any human should, watched TV sitting upside down on the couch, and swore that Sailor Moon should be the next president of America (despite being Canadian). He liked tomatoes but hated ketchup, and swore that socks were meant to ‘keep the people in shackles’ despite wearing them 79% of the time when they were home. It was a little strange the first year they lived together, but three had made most of his habits understandable. At least tolerable. None were bad enough to make Kryoz look for a new roommate, which had been the reason two of his last four relationships had ended.

The other two broke up when realizing Smiity had one last ‘strange’ ritual that Kryoz didn’t mind nearly as much as he should have.

“Fuck life, man.” Smiity wasn’t really a morning person, which he made clear every time he dragged himself out of bed before ten. They both had full time jobs, which left around the same time, yet Smiity always got up almost an hour after Kryoz. A glance from the eggs he was cooking proved to John that this time was no exception; Smiity’s eyes were barely open, and he walked straight into the table while trying to hop into one of his work shoes. A string of curses from Smiity made Kryoz snicker, and he poured the semi-decent eggs onto the plate before he plopped the breakfast in front of Smiity. He was no Bobby Flay, but he didn’t light the toaster on fire (Smiity still blamed it on a fuse being blown).

“Eat up, loser.”

“Fuck you. You need a ride to work?” Smiity asked through his bite of food. Kryoz shoveled his food into his mouth while shaking his head.

“Nah, Panda’s got me. Should be here any minute.” The honk of the car from outside came one second after Smiity chugged his glass of milk, Kryoz too used to the weird sight to be disgusted. He tossed their plates into the sink, debating whether to waste time cleaning them (knowing they’d have more at night for dinner) when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Familiarity made Kryoz turn his head, wondering why he allowed the strange ritual to continue for so long. Saying goodbye to your roommate was one thing, but letting Smiity kiss him on the forehead? He knew it was weird, and yet he always defended his friend’s style of parting ways whenever a partner (girlfriend or boyfriend) complained about it. He just...it was fine, it was just a friendly gesture, Smiity didn’t even seem awake half the time when he-

Warm lips pressed against his skin, but it wasn’t his forehead that caught the affection. Kryoz blinked at the slow kiss against his mouth, Smiity letting it linger a second longer than normal before pulling away with a yawn.

“See ya tonight?”

“Um, yeah.” For a second, Kryoz almost let the change go. But when Smiity hummed and turned, the sudden rise in his heartbeat made it impossible to ignore. “You gonna explain that one, dude?”

“Huh?” Smiity turned at the question, cocking his head to the side.

“I get that every morning you kiss my forehead before I leave for work.” When he said it, Smiity’s eyes blinked slowly, as if trying to push the sleep out of them. They quickly widened in shock when John continued. “ Why was it my lips today?”

“Wait, this is real?” Smiity’s mouth dropped open after the question, and Kryoz ignored Panda’s second beep to nod.

“Yes? You’ve literally done it like, every morning.”

“I thought I was still dreaming! You didn’t say shit about it!” The reasoning was stupid, but also so Smiity, that really Kryoz couldn’t see him making it up. His dumbass roommate would be stupid enough to kiss him thinking he was still asleep. “Why would you keep letting me kiss you!?”

“I didn’t really mind?” Now that he’d said it outloud, maybe some of Smiity’s weirdness was rubbing off on him. “Why were you dreaming of kissing me?”

“I-I just...dude. I can’t deal with this right now. I really fucking hate mornings.” Smiity rubbed his hand over his face and groaned, making Kryoz roll his eyes.

“Tell me over dinner. I’ve gotta go before Panda shits himself.” He didn’t think twice about his next actions, stepping closer to Smitty and pulling his hand away from his mouth to kiss him. A jump against his lips proved it was unexpected, but from the way his roommate melted into his kiss, it was accepted quite easily. Smiity had started it, after all; Kryoz was just finishing it. He pulled back with a pop, smirking at the dazed face he left behind before sauntering out of the apartment.

Maybe there were some benefits to having a weird roommate, afterall.

#Anonymous #Krii7y #KryozGaming #Smii7y #Meme Boys #<3 #Crimson Drabblez

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gwasgy · 3 years

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Okay. So. Here’s an elaborate multiple days of brainstorming ideas as they come PracticalMagicnatural AU nonsense. Thank you.

- Bobby and Rufus would be the Aunts and they'd be bffs not siblings and would have Vibes but it would be... hm. This is not a Bufus story is what I'm saying.

- the Curse would be on the men and for the women they love of course (classic fridging :/)

- this works for Bobby, (Rufus,) John, and Sam. (Supernatural is bad)

- so this is where it's kind of. Hm. Bc Sally and Gillian are not one to one for either boy. Where Sally and Gillian BOTH have identities separating family and magic (family business), these ideas are inseparable for the brothers.

- alsooo dean and sam to BE dean and sam they would've had to be "raised" by john until they were at least near-grown, even if they had a home base at Bobby's house.

- John still kills himself with grief MAYBE but it's like /later/ and more through self destruction and revenge and alcoholism, leaving the boys to live their later teenage/early twenties in the Bufus household

- Azazel is the one killing all the Wives in this curse. And if they use The Resurrection Spell to bring them back, he is possessing them

- hmmmmmmmmm they need to still be hunters I think buuut what if. They also did witchcraft.

- Dean would cast the love summoning spell, making it so that he uses angel descriptors unwittingly or on purpose because he doesnt think angels are real and therefore cannot exist for him to fall in love with and kill (bc the curse)

- it would be fun and very cringe fail embarrassing for Dean if sometimes he thought about His Angel and accidentally occasionally prayed to Cas

- Anna could show up and be Dean's red herring

- Dean could be in an About to Die situation and think, as a joke or whatever, "fuck. I never even got to meet that hot angel chick that's in love with me," and Cas shows up (with wings bc hot), saves him, *handprints*, then leaves

- OR. There's a blinding light and screeching noise and Dean blacks out and wakes up with a handprint safe and sound

- Cas and The Guy From Practical Magic That's A Cop both bend the rules of their superiors for their person easily and pliantly. except for the initial pushback. Hm.

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- it's weird bc in practical magic there's this whole vibe of I'm Done With Magic And You're Dragging Me Back Into This And Ruining My Life but sammy had gone away and rejected The Life THEN found the woman he loves and THEN tried to resurrect her mayyybeeeee wait wait wait it wouldn’t be Jess bc she isn’t evilll...

- DEAN would be the one with a bad boyfriend that they accidentally kill and have to resurrect... hmmmmm

- maybe it's like a Boy Best Friend of dean's like maybe he is on a hunt with Benny and he accidentally chops his damn head off and tries to resurrect him to cover it up

- and that fucks up something in the afterlife and Cas is sent to Fix The Problem of whatever the fuck happened to this guy's soul when they did this

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- it's wonderful to think of the PTA mom shenanigans Dean and Sam could get into but I don't think that Dean would have any sort of kid in this besides maybe jack?

- I mean, it could be that Ben is still around and he was with Lisa but never Loved Her on principal, and left in time so the curse didn't fuck her up, but they're still friends and he will still pick Ben up from school sometimes

- I don't see how the phone tree could work into it but I don't think that it's necessary bc sam and dean and cas's version of this story does not and can not revolve around them being outsiders in their own community but overcoming it and accepting who you are and integrating into the community through girl power and witch magic

- BUT. the potential of sammy being possessed is yeah. It’s extremely. Yeah.

- They could have a nice bonding moment of I'm never gonna leave you you can do this like from Swan Song. Like Sally joining Gilly in the broom circle to help her while she’s being exorcised

- their brotherly bond is NOTHING like Sally and Gillian's, though. Like YES. they would no doubt help bury the body, but they aren't giggling about their love life under the covers together. They simply are not that type of girl

- also I guess there wouldn't be the tension of You're Ruining My Life That I've Constructed Just By Being Here between them.

- WELL.

- Dean WOULD say something shitty about cleaning up Sam's messes though. He is just that type of guy

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- Dean can definitely be the one chopping and hacking at the rose bush and cas would DEFINITELY get distracted and heal him in the middle of his conversation with him

- Dean oh dean he and his close Boy Best Friends could totally fuck with the curse. Like-

- Dean: Oh my good friend Benny he’s the first person ive really allowed myself to get attatched to in a while but that’s fine! he can't die because i don't love or like him like that because he's a guy! Haha, I'm not gay! We are just guys being dudes just two bros hanging out :)

Benny: *dies anyway*

Dean: FUCK

- Sammy would totally make that new age witchy herbal shop that Sally had! that would be so fun. Also ft. periphery what the fuck is up with those people type locals

- maybe Rowena shows up still and Crowley is also there hmmmmm and Rowena teaches Sam magic stuff and it gets him to make the supernatural a part of his life again without having to do any hunting hmmmmmmm or it's just another tool in his arsenal and he just always deserves to have magic powers

- the supernatural ladies could work in the shop :) like Meg and Rowena and Ruby anndddd Alya :) Ava? The psychic hunger games MVP girl

- or all the kids work at that shop!! I miss those dang kids. Max, the twins, death lesbian, Jake, electric guy, and all them :)

- Rowena is like a witchy shop owner up in town that buys Sam's wares to sell in the city #CareerWoman #GirlBoss

- Jody and Donna can also hang out I guess. Since we're at Bobby's place

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- Dean casts the love summoning spell after either Regular Heartbreak with Cassie, his first love, when he was 15 or whatever, OR after the behated Boy Best Friend death. Hmmmmmm

- it makes more sense for the story for dean to have someone die on him and apply to the curse. But I don't wanna kill Benny ):

- well I don't think he was ever In Love with Crowley or Benny like he was with Cassie (or even Lisa)

- when he was 15 or 14 and John was still around but had left him at the Bufus household he got hold of that love summoning spell and made sure it was impossible so he would never experience heartache again. He does so while crying teenagishly and 11 year old sam is like. Why the fuck are you summoning this weird monster girl to fall in love with you

- and Dean is like no no this kind of monster doesn't exist. Anyway they'd have glowing blue eyes and they're as big as a building and and they hear me whenever I call no matter far away

- Sam: that...... sounds like an angel, dean.

Dean, having already done the spell: WHAT. NO. NO IT'S NOT IT IS SO NOT LIKE AN ANGEL. ANGELS AREN'T REAL

- Cas in Heaven, a bunch of flower petals swirling around him: what the fuck is that. That's weird

- Cas like 13 years later when he sees a cajun zombie vampire demon: okay I'm already getting weird prayers from some guy down there I'm just gonna check that out

- by the time Cas gets down there they've killed it again and buried it and hmm

- It's weird because it's the opposite of Practical Magic here bc Cas is the one that needs to be believed about something supernatural BY dean

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- what if they accidentally kill JOHN instead of a hot bf. Dean kills John bc John tries to kill Sam, and they panickedly try to resurrect him immediately

- yeah yeah yeah yeah and John, possessed by Azazel, gets killed again while still being possessed and is buried underground. There can still be a rose bush and frogs and whatnot

- I doon't know why Bobby and Rufus would just leave the brothers in their house if John was alive until then?

- Alright John's been missing for like 5 years and the boys have just been living there and assumed he's dead. Then he comes for Sammy bc Sam is Turning Evil or whatever and John's a huge loser about it

- so Bufus is like "you guys are acting insane and you aren't telling us what's wrong so we’re just going to leave and you're going to sort it out yourself." Like the aunts

- then, when cas shows up to track down the weird resurrected demon-possessed serial killer abomination Dean and Cas are EMBARRASSING like completely totally absolutely embarrassing cringe fail love where they can't talk normal with eachother and Cas keeps getting too close and staring but Dean forgets to tell him to back off or anything and he just stammers uselessly through thin dumb lies

- there aren't any children there to comically thwart Sam's plans to get rid of Castiel as he is investigating Dean and Sam but it could end similarly

- where Cas finds Sam making a small angel banishing symbol and is like "okay. You guys aren't to be trusted and you're doing something evil (and i don't understand what’s happening to me when i’m around Dean). I'm just straight up going to leave then" and boom he's gone

- the fight Sally and Gillian have right before Gillian gets possessed can play out pretty damn similarly with Sam and Dean, but it's a LOT different too

- like it's their DAD not some random serial killer bf. You can't choose your dingdang dad! So the part of "I cant keep cleaning up your messes" WHOSE MESSES who even says that to who whose mess could this even be

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- Sam has a girlfriend that dies from the curse and it’s bc of being caught in the crossfire when Hunter Bullshit Happens. The Women of the Winchesters’ way. So he moves back specifically to get back into hunting and witchcraft to BREAK the curse hmmmmm.

- Much like Sally with Michael’s death. “I don't care what he comes back as. As long he comes back. Please do this for me. Please? Please? Please? Please?” :(

- I think Dean is an Of Course I’m Not Going To Fall In Love kinda character, like younger Sally before Michael. very pessimistic very self depreciating. He only confides his deepest darkest desires (to be loved simply and openly without fear of the Curse taking anyone. To be held and to take care of someone who will appreciate it) in his fakey fake pretend prayers to his imaginary angel (this turns out to be very cringe fail embarrassing when Cas shows up)

- Cas holds onto these prayers like Hallet (the cop from movie) does with Sally’s letter to Gillian, not knowing or understanding why he’s so fixated on them and why he can’t stop reading them/playing them back/listening in

- John… maybe he was pulling a Gordon and was killing all the psychic kids and was eventually going to have to kill Sam, and Cas was for some reason Put On The Case as an angel or was Allowed to Interfere or whatever bc it was fudging up God’s Plan

- and that’s how Cas justified being so fixated and taking notes on Dean’s prayers, like Hallet did with the letter. It was a good lead. It was about their father, and Sam seemed to be having psychic tendencies or whatever that could turn dangerous

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- Okay okayokayokay so Sally and Gillian’s story is them escaping the ostracization they feel from the people in their physical regional community. The Owen’s family has always been outsiders, even before the curse came into being. They are persecuted for being witches (and sleeping around and being sexy).

- the sisters try to escape this either by just LEAVING: going to a place they can be themself without shame, or assimilating and abandoning a part of themself so that they can stay.

- the Winchester brothers are, I guess, ostracized by the hunting community because they are kept away from it and moved around a lot in the show. Okay okay okay okay okaywaitwaitwait

- Okay so the Winchesters feel alienated from both civilians and the hunting community, and they both eventually choose to do similar things to Sally and Gilly..! Sam LEAVES and assimilates, while Dean stays and just accepts his role his father gave him.

- Gilly and Sam LEAVE, while Dean and Sally STAY. Gillian and Dean embrace what makes them Different, while Sally and Sam reject it in favor of Being Normal

- The witchcraft/hunting thing especially doesn’t mesh well here though because Hunting is KILLING it’s literally murdering sentient beings. It’s war propaganda it’s desensitizing you to Even Though The Enemy Is Capable Of Good Individually They Are, As A Group, Evil And Should Be Slaughtered.

- Witchcraft in Practical Magic is just… a way of life that’s considered outside the accepted norms of society. It’s being openly queer, it’s being from a different country of origin, it’s being non-christian religious in a small town. Accepting witchcraft doesn’t have any moral good or badness, it’s just with or without the consequences of being “out” in your area. While accepting Hunting as a lifestyle is to accept putting yourself in bodily danger doing morally ambiguous/BAD things to protect people you can’t relate to or find a community in. Hmmmmmmmmmm

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- Sam and Sally both have natural talents/instincts but don't want to use it in favor of being "normal"

#literally all i want to think about.#spn #my posts #like this is Just For Me but GOD.#if theres thoughts or feelings to be had please let me know #practicalmagicnatural #it ends in a whatever kinda way but let me tell you. This is not my final thoughts on this #pmn

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downthatrabbitholewego · 7 years

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April 2017

This is a compilation of fics that I've read/re-read over the past month. Faves get a star ( ★ ). There is also a separate fic rec page for my favorites here and a fic rec sorter here, if you'd like to check those out. :)

MONTH: April, 2017 | (older lists)

▶▶ A Neutrino Walks Through a Bar by Moku Teen And Up | 45,261w Stiles had become the most popular matchmaker of Beacon Hills in less than a year. And he really didn't know how that had happened.

▶▶ A Not So Easy Arrangement by hazelandglasz Explicit | 5,314w AU where Derek's still the Alpha, and Erica and Boyd aren't dead. Stiles and Derek have to fake-date because of werewolf reasons, but it shouldn't be too hard because they're already having sex together? And they're great friends? Shouldn't be too hard, Stile thinks, but he's been pining away, and he was actually gonna ask out Derek for real, because he kinda loves him, but now he just feels weird. And he's still finding ways to fall in love with Derek.

▶▶ accidentally? by bibliosexual Mature | 3,683w BOSS: "know why I called you in here?" ME: "because I accidentally sent you a dick pic" BOSS [stops pouring 2 glasses of wine]: "accidentally?" yup. Or, in which Derek receives a surprising email one morning.

▶▶ all stories deserve an end by bleep0bleep Teen And Up | 2,351w No one hardly ever comes up to this area of the forest, especially with the rumors of the "mad wizard." Stiles encourages the rumor, because it means people leave him alone. It's a good, solitary existence as long as Stiles pretends the aching loneliness in his heart isn't there.

▶▶ anything, anything by drunktuesdays Explicit | 5,242w Prompt: Stiles wakes up in Derek's bed in a world where they’re married now, and Derek keeps leaving the room every time he tries to have a conversation about how this happened, since they weren't even dating.

▶▶ Bones Straining Under the Weight by weathervaanes ★ Explicit | 15,645w One of Stiles' favorite things about life is Derek Hale's food blog. He never expects to meet the man in person.

▶▶ But, Doctor! by stilinskisparkles ★ Mature | 30,269w "We had to splint a girl's leg in a ditch," Scott says excitedly. "Bro, you sound way too happy about that," Stiles complains, opening up his bag and pulling out a Twinkie. Derek removes it from his hand silently and replaces it with an apple. Stiles scowls at him for a second then bites into it, regardless. Derek sits back and lets the group discuss the merits of dramatic lifesaving feats for winning over the ladies. Scott is convinced it'll help impress Allison; Isaac thinks Scott’s a loser. Stiles— Stiles is falling asleep on Derek's shoulder.

▶▶ First Impressions Are Overrated by Leslie_Knope Teen And Up | 14,634w In Stiles' defense, he didn't deliberately ram his grocery cart into the (evidently precarious) pyramid of oranges.

▶▶ I Call You Names Because I Love You by tylerfucklin (Deshonanana) Mature | 13,025w Years of touring with Stiles would never have prepared Derek for the day his beloved techie fell in love with someone else.

▶▶ I Do Do You? by Captain_Loki ★ Explicit | 6,540w Stiles and Derek wake up hung over and married in a hotel room in Las Vegas. It wouldn't be so bad if the year before their relationship hadn't fallen apart.

▶▶ Misguided Ghosts by Nina_shaffer N/A | 13,645w Stiles was hoping that his summer before his senior year would be uneventful but no the supernatural hierarchies can't leave Beacon Hills alone, can they? Stiles gets lead into the woods by a ghost wolf but what's the most a ghost can do, a lot apparently because here he is, 18-year-old Stiles, in the friggin past. What's the first rule of time travel? Don't change the past. Stiles never was one to follow the rules.

▶▶ my boyfriend, the ex-spy. by matildajones Teen And Up | 6,453w Derek tries to live a normal life... it's hard when his boyfriend used to travel around the world shooting the bad guys.

▶▶ Not An Order by LadyDrace Teen And Up | 2,359w Prince Stiles of Beacon is about to get engaged to the princess of Reyes. Derek is determined to be supportive. Maybe a little too determined.

▶▶ Once Again, In a Little While by adeepeningdig General | 4,148w Parrish is holding the infant like a fullback carrying the football, tight and close to his body, as if he's afraid someone's going to strip it away from him at any moment. "Sir," he whispers, "this baby is running hot." "So call the paramedics, get Sally on the line. For heaven's sake, Parrish, this baby needs a hospital, not the sheriff" The baby is hot to the touch but his pale eyes, when they blink open, are clear and he's not flushed like a feverish infant would be. "No," Parrish hisses, "I mean this baby is running hot. I don't think he's human." John looks at the priest, still standing in the aisle, hunched in concern. He looks at the baby in his duck onesie and little yellow hat. "Oh, fuck," he says.

▶▶ Possibili(tea) by dragon_temeraire Teen And Up | 1,096w Stiles might have a crush on his co-worker, who always brews him amazing tea.

▶▶ Put Down in Words by paintedrecs ★ Mature | 203,777w When Stiles signed up for Dr. Hale's intro to history class, he had two goals: knock out the credits his advisor was bugging him to complete before he graduated, and spend a few hours a week daydreaming about his sexy professor's salt and pepper beard. Derek, a few months away from turning forty and not sure when his life had started feeling so damn lonely, had never encountered someone like Stiles before. Bright-eyed, sharp-tongued, determined to throw Derek's carefully cultivated world into disarray... and absolutely the last person Derek should be falling in love with.

▶▶ Satisfactory Compromises by TroubleIWant ★ Mature | 17,727w Stiles is basically doing fine. He's surviving, anyways. So what if it's a struggle to get out of bed most days? Back in high school, everything about the supernatural had seemed edgy and romantic and exhilarating, but after seeing everything he has, wanting to go back to ignorance is only natural. Only then Derek comes back to Beacon Hills and says he's in love with him, and everything changes. For the worse.

▶▶ Shake my ash to the wind by rufflefeather Explicit | 4,308w Kissing Stiles is like a breeze through an open window that chases away a smell of fire that never leaves. The first time he tastes surprised and says, Holy shit while his fingers find lips that probably sting a little from Derek's stubble. It makes Derek laugh and Stiles' eyes go wide and pleased as if that's a bigger surprise than the kiss.

▶▶ Some Strings Attached by TroubleIWant N/A | 3,324w Prompt: I just saw you go upstairs with someone else and I know we're only fuck buddies but I’m gonna go punch them in the face.

▶▶ something just like this by allhalethekings General | 10,889w "Hey, did Peter talk to you yet about your new song?" He scrunches his forehead, fingers twitching towards the laptop subconsciously. "No? Why should he? I already told him it shouldn't be on the market." Cora snorts. "It's cute you thought that would work. He already spoke to Jackson Whittemore about it." Derek's stomach sinks. This song is private and to find out that it might be in the hands of someone like Jackson Whittemore? Jackson fucking Whittemore? His contempt for them must have shown on his face because Cora smirks. She's a bitch like that. "Stiles wants that song so Peter already set up a meeting. Have fun!" What the actual fuck. "What the fuck is a Stiles?" Derek asks helplessly.

▶▶ The Gentleman And The Fox by bleep0bleep, Inkforwords Explicit | 15,707w Derek doesn't expect much from his arranged marriage. When his inattentive husband, Lord Stiles Stilinski, tells him he's free to look for a lover, he doesn't know where to start, until a dashing bandit named the Red Fox catches his eye.

▶▶ The One Where They Adopt a Selkie by mikkimouse ★ Teen And Up | 7,737w "That's a kid," Stiles said. Derek growled. "It's a selkie." "It's a selkie kid," Stiles pointed out, because really, they did not need to be arguing semantics right now. "Do selkies just go around leaving their kids sleeping in caves on the beach?"

▶▶ The Payoff Pitch by Leslie_Knope ★ Explicit | 83,974w Derek is on the cusp of his second season with the LA Dodgers, and as the reigning runner-up Rookie of the Year, the pressure’s on him to become the team's star pitcher and lead them to the playoffs for the first time in five years. He's trying to deal with the burden of expectations and really has zero desire to spend any extra time or energy on anything that isn't baseball. But then he meets Stiles.

▶▶ The Second Coming (of Werewolf Jesus) by lupinus, uraneia [Note: Restricted. AO3 account is required.] Explicit | 40,104w Stiles was enjoying his senior year until his crazy English teacher decided he made the best candidate to gestate Derek's kid. Now Stiles is a seventeen-year-old pregnant dude and he and Derek have to figure their shit out, because in nine months they are going to be tied together for the rest of their lives.

▶▶ This Space Is For You by matildajones Teen And Up | 3,908w Derek is a lonely, angry man, living in the middle of nowhere.

▶▶ We Den Our Hearts Here by LadyLade Teen And Up | 1,921w Somehow, having a pack of wolf pups has made Derek's life easier.

▶▶ Untitled Tumblr Ficlet by bibliosexxual Teen And Up | 1,721w Derek has played host to Stiles a number of times, usually when Stiles has had too many beers after poker night, but he’s never let Stiles stay over for more than one night. Not that Stiles has ever asked. This ends up being a lot more than one night.

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#read fics list #sterek fics #sterek fanfiction #sterek #2017

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surveys-at-your-service · 7 years

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Survey #92

“i’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?”

five things you associate yourself with: youtubers, meerkats, video games, snakes, photography. what’s your sleeping playlist (give me five songs)? i don't actually listen to music to sleep, but if i did... "lay your world on me" by ozzy osbourne, "nothing else matters" by metallica, "perfectly flawed" by otep, "coma black" by marilyn manson, "nebel" by rammstein. what is something that you’ve always wanted to be/have/get but can never have? a pet meerkat. but one, it's not legal in the u.s., but also, i don't really support keeping them as pets. are you a bee or a butterfly person? a dog or a cat person? butterflies and dogs. what would you like to call your significant other? i use "hunny" most frequently. what are the names of your pets? teddy, cali, bentley, venus. do you like to dip your fries or do you like it as is? depends on my mood. sometimes i like them with ketchup, sometimes not. any special talent that you have? catastrophizing lmao who was your first crush? not sure of *first*, but the first i remember was dylan. who was your 5th grade teacher? mrs. whitley. she was also my second grade teacher. who would you kill if you could get away with it? no one. what was your high school mascot? firebird. what was your first screen name? uhhh, flowerourqueen i think? how do you feel about same sex marriage? go for it, dude. what are your favorite pieces of poetry? anything edgar allan poe. what’s your favorite season? winter. what’s your fatal flaw? i have zero confidence. what color are your pants? orange, black, and white. they're halloween-themed. when was the last time you read a good book? when i was in the hospital. "rise of the lich king" was great. favorite clothing store? rebel's market. how often do you go to parties? if you don’t, what do you do instead? i never go to parties. and... stuff? who is the smartest person you know? girt. craziest thing you’ve ever done? go on a ride i was absolutely horrified of at a totally sketchy festival. is there a guy who you can go to with no make-up on in sweatpants and bedhead and he couldn’t care less? yeah, girt. do you and your family pray before eating dinner? no. what’s your favorite video game? "silent hill 2" do you own any form of a gameboy? yes. what’s your favorite store in the mall? hot topic have you ever gotten a matching piercing or tattoo with someone? yes. do you like corn? yeah. ever made out in a pool? not that i remember. last vacation destination you went to? the beach. have you ever been to seaworld? yes. why were you last hospitalized? suicide attempt. do you prefer analogue or digital clocks? analogue, aesthetically. are you one to sneak food into movie theaters? hell yeah i am because you're crazy if you pay that much for /movie theater/ food. do you feel more comfortable with a male or female doctor/nurse? a female, because i'm a female. can you write well in cursive? yes. my normal writing is a mix of cursive. have you ever kissed someone who has previously kissed someone you hated? yep. is your all-time favorite television show still on air? no. would you ever donate blood? i have before, but i probably wouldn't again. i'm too scared of passing out. are you looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend? not actively, no. have you ever painted a car? no. are there any gnomes in your yard? no. what’s your favorite type of seafood? i only like shrimp. have you ever been to florida? yes; my grandma lives there. which is harder - walking in the snow or sand? sand. do you think it’s okay to flirt with someone that’s already taken, as long as it goes no further? no. are you adopted? no. do you say “i love you” even when you don’t mean it? i have to to my mom when she says it to me even if i'm pissed at her and don't feel like i do because if i don't, she pitches a fucking fit. do you prefer wheat or white bread? wheat. is your profile private? my facebook profile? yeah. do you break things when you are mad? no. people who do that scare me. is it okay to kiss people if you’re single? no. that can really result to leading people on. do you want to be single? i don't *want* to be, but i don't *mind* being single. there's a difference. have a built-in pool in your backyard? no. a trampoline? no. do you go tanning? no. ever been to a circus? yes. do you keep magazines by your toilet? no. what are the best kind of girl scout cookies? those ones that're peanut butter filled and covered with chocolate. do you like to have ice in your drinks? no. waters it down. name a topic you consider yourself knowledgeable with. meerkats. what’s the easiest way to make you smile/laugh? just whisper "top of the mornin' to ya laddies" into my ear ho. okay no seriously idk. do you own any band merch? yeah. what is your favorite way to eat popcorn? (buttered, salted, plain..) buttered and salted. have you ever faked being sick to get out of something? yep. do you know how to read music? i used to. probably not anymore. what's the saddest video game you've ever experienced? "that dragon, cancer" do you know how to tap dance? i know how to clog. same thing, just different shoes. did you believe in santa clause when you were little? yes. my ex didn't tho and i felt so bad for him lol. what’s your favorite flavor of skittles? red how bad are your hangovers? never had one. have you ever broken a bone? if so, what was the cause of it? not broken, but fractured. i bent my wrist all the way backwards when i fell while skating. which of your five senses would you give up? smell. are there any animals you flat out refuse to touch? slugs, maggots/larvae... what brand of batteries do you usually get? duracell, i think? what super power would you refuse, if it was offered to you, and why? mind reading. what's your favorite discontinued product that you wish would come back? hmmm... who is someone you would never swear in front of? my grandma. have you ever caught a fish? yeah. is there a song that makes you cry every time you hear it? no. a plant grows on your grave after you die, carrying a piece of your soul - what plant would it be? a weeping willow tree. pen or pencil? pencil. can you run a mile in under 7 minutes? HA what’s your favorite shampoo/conditioner? i use suave. are you a fan of the grand theft auto series? no. do you like the beach? not really. i hate the feeling of sand. have you ever sleep walked? no. how about sleep talked? yeah. gum or mints? gum who did you last attend a concert with? mom, nicole, jason. have you ever received nude pictures from someone? no. admit it: you had a neopets account. you're goddamn right i did lmao waffles or pancakes? pancakes. name a food that doesn’t sit well in your stomach. fancier foods, really. my stomach gets upset fast. what’s your favorite eye color? blue. have you ever been accused of cheating? nope. do you like chinese food? only the fried rice and eggrolls. how big is your bed? queen favorite comedian? john pinnette, rip<3 do you smoke? no. does anyone like you? *shrugs* do long distance relationships work? sure, some do. pancakes or french toast? french toast. best thing about winter? snow!! do you have feelings for someone? i always will. do you like sushi? never tried it, never will. i'm perfectly aware i'd hate it. do you like your hair? yeah. it's really healthy. have you ever been prescribed narcotics? yes, xanax. does it take a lot for someone to annoy you? NOPE do you want your tongue or belly button pierced? i wanted snake eyes on my tongue for a long time, but i learned from a professional piercer that with me having a metal retainer behind my bottom teeth, it's really an awful idea. a belly button piercing would be cute, but i'd need to be much skinnier to look good with one. do you hate it when people smoke around you? very much. can you take a bra off with one hand? no. are you donating your organs? yes. i won't exactly need them, might as well help others. what kind of deodorant do you use? secret. do you sleep on your side, stomach or back? side, always. ever met any online friends in person? no, but i want to. do you know how to sew? no. did you ever have to share a room with one of your siblings? i shared a room with my little sister nicole for years. have you ever been a fan of n*sync? of course i was. but i was and still am more of a bsb gal. do you think you’re fat sometimes? i don't just think i am, i'm fully aware i am. do you think you would be a good parent? no. are you any good at math? i actually was until the alphabet came into it lmao have you ever been called a hick? no. have you ever rode around in the bed of a pick up truck? ha ha ha bad follow-up question. but yes. can you touch your nose with your tongue? no. were you a big jump roper back in the day? yes. i got very close to being able to double-dutch. can you play pool? i mean i'm not good, but there's nothing hard about hitting a ball with a stick. do you think that you are a good singer? no. what languages can you count to ten or higher in? english, german time for a random question about the person you love/like. what’s his/her favorite food? i'm not entirely sure, but i think pizza. what’s the age difference between your parents? which one is older? two years. mom's older. if someone read your mind right now, what would they hear? chanting of "BILL! BILL! BILL!", mark fischbach's laughter, dank memage, and. y'know. other stuff. do you like egg yolks? NO. have you ever played bejeweled? yes. my mom was totally into it for a while. who would you never give a kidney to? my mom. at least i'd probably do it; i'd be really fucking scared. my mom only has one kidney to begin with, so if this kidney fails, she's done. have you ever been bitten by a rat? no. my pet rats have nibbled on me before, but never bit me. do uncrustables look disgusting to you, or is that just me? i think they're gross, honestly. does blueberry syrup sound good to you, right now? no, ew. is there someone that has really influenced your life? who? my therapists at holly hill and mark fischbach taught me soooo much about positivity. come on, everyone loves cartoons! what’s your favorite one? pokemon, duh. what is the most common misconception with you? i'm antisocial and don't care because i don't talk much. out of the seven deadly sins, which do you feel is the worst? wrath. have you been guilty of that sin a lot? no. i'm not a vicious person. congrats, you’re getting a new car! what color do you choose? i don't drive, but if i did, i want a burnt orange car. be honest: do you illegally download music? yeah. what’s the worst crime someone can commit? rape. do you ever rock out to those 90s songs? hell yeah. shit i grew up with. what color is the hair of the last person you kissed? black. does the last person you kissed wear glasses? no. who knows the most about you - your friends or your parents? my ex knows more about me than anything, but between the two, my mom. how many people would you say you’ve been ‘in love’ with? one. ever have detention at school? what for? yes, for too many tardies. if your parents were going to adopt one of your friends, who do you think they would choose? colleen. has anyone ever tried to ruin a relationship you were in? what happened? yes. and the bitch didn't get her wish. were you ever bullied in school? how did you deal with it? no, thank god. what dog breed is the cutest ever? akita inu. do you or have you ever owned a pair of light up shoes? as a kid, yeah. ha ha i loved them. when was the last time you watched the sun set? hm. it's been too long. i think it was this one time chelsea, colleen, and i went walking around a soccer field. would you ever have an open relationship? HA. no. by society's standards, are you attractive? ha, no. would you let your kid smoke weed? hell no. who was your first friend? brianna. we were like two. have you ever been to germany? i wish. what is your middle name? marie. catherine if you count my catholic middle name. do you have any nieces or nephews? including half-siblings, i have ten or eleven that i know of. i can't remember if katie has three or four, and idk if tiffany has kids. do you know anyone who's in a destructive/unhealthy relationship? yes. if you had money right now, what's one thing you would buy? tickets and gas to go see markiplier's show in june, if he plans a show within reasonable driving distance from nc. would you ever own an exotic animal? depends on *how" "exotic." ex., i'd own a sugar glider or kinkajou. when you decide you’re ready to become a parent, what’s something you would never do that your parents have done in the process of you growing up? you mean *if* i wanted to be a parent, which i don't? first of all, i'd never, ever, spank my kids. do fucking not teach your kids through fear. who is the funniest person you know? that i know personally? girt. have you ever kissed underwater? i think so. would you rather have big or small dogs? i like medium-sized dogs. what is your opinion on beards? depends. what is the most fun part of halloween to you? dressing up! do you believe that the moon landing was real or do you think it was fake? i actually do see why some people think it's fake because there are some VERY compelling pieces of evidence, but i do believe it was real. what is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done? oh, where to begin. what is the worst thing a relative ever did to you? like screamed at me and called me an ungrateful bitch. do you think that everyone is capable of love? no. if you could have a customized phone, what would you put on it? ha ha i really want that cute case that looks like a medicine bottle and is labeled "chill pills" when you were little, what was your favorite game? the original "spyro the dragon" trilogy would you rather sleep on the moon with a stardust dress or on a tiny flower with a sunflower dress? well there's a strange question. but the first. what is one thing that reminds you of childhood? catching fireflies. have you ever talked to someone when they were high? not knowingly. when was the last time you read a full book? months ago. in february, i started reading "the maze runner," but i didn't finish it. how many brothers do you have? one half-brother. do you like mexican food? no. are you old enough to buy alcohol? oh wow... i just fully fathomed that i am. who’s your favorite disney character? mufasa. have you ever taken the eharmony personality quiz? HAHAHA GUYS I DID ONCE OUT OF TOTAL CURIOSITY AND IT COULDN'T MATCH ME WITH ANYONE what’s the nickname of your home state? tar heel state. have you ever thought about your wedding? yeah. what’s the worse type of weather in your opinion? scalding hot and humid. ugh. would you rather read or write? write. would you rather see taylor swift or carrie underwood in concert? i mean really neither, but i prefer carrie. growing up, did you see your cousins often? no. none of my cousins live in nc. do you have any posters on your walls? lots. two silent hill ones, one of illidan from wow, one of metallica, one meerkat one, one music-oriented one, a quote by mother teresa, and one of jack skellington. what’s your favorite sad song? probably "fade to black" by metallica. do you personally know any authors? i met a poet while in the hospital once. he was quite talented. what condiments do you like on hamburgers? ketchup, mustard what did you get your dad for his last birthday? nothing. i don't get money and god knows mom would never buy me something for him. do you like foods with coconut in it? no. do you like carrots more if they’re raw, or cooked? i don't like carrots. what’s a chore you don’t mind doing? vacuuming have you ever been to costco? we don't have costco here. do/did you have to wear a uniform to your high school? no, thank god. how many video games do you own? A LOT. we have a huge case. do you like the name cindy for a girl? no. have you ever had a scary encounter with a wild animal? no. what are your point of view of the world? ex. liberal/conservative, spiritual/atheist: mostly conservative, religious. is there an age where being a virgin, you think, would be awkward? ... no? do you find zac efron sexy? eh, not "sexy," but cute. do you think aliens are real? no, but who really cares. be concerned about our planet first. do you have any scars on your body? left shin, chin, and the top of my right wrist. what was your favorite childhood toy? i actually had a bunch i used to play with. two t-rexes, a tricerotops, two crocodiles, two deer, and a few pokemon figurines. i actually still distinctly remember the deer was named kim and the crocodile was named marlin and they were husband and wife lmao. don't argue with my childhood logic. what color is your favorite eye shadow? black. what’s your favorite hairstyle on a guy? i am a fucking 14-year-old bc i have a huge weakness for the emo swoop okay. who was the last person to call you beautiful? tyler. what is your least favorite sour patch kids color? orange. would you take your ex boyfriend/girlfriend back? tyler, no. jason, only if he SERIOUSLY proved himself to me again. are your parents religious? yeah. are you religious? yes. do you actually read your friends' surveys, or do you just copy paste them and fill them out yourself? i do. it's a good way to learn about people. which is your favorite episode of “i love lucy”? i'm not gonna spell this right, BUT THE VITAMEATAVEGIMAN ONE. name two people who you are closest with? mom and sara. which one of those two people would you eat first if you were starving? neither. i'd rather die. there are some things where living would no longer be worth it. do you know what the heck the difference is between the statements “we’re just dating” and “we’re together”? yes. "we're together" is definitely more serious. what would you call your aesthetic? gore, glitchy art, pastels, jellyfish, lace, black, scene/goth/emo style bc LAME, space, vintage favorite songs at the moment? it's been "do i wanna know?" by the arctic monkeys for a long time. favorite movies? my #1 is "alice in wonderland," tim burton's version. i also love "the crazies," "blair witch project 2: book of shadows," "white chicks," etc. what’s the name of the last cat you pet? either lexi (our old cat), or one of anna's (sister's mother-in-law) many cats. have you ever eaten stringed green beans before? yes. when talking on the phone, do you place it against your left or right ear? right. what’s your favorite flavor of muffin? chocolate chip. does your father have any facial hair? yes. does your sibling have a significant other? katie, bobby, and tiffany, idk. misty and ashley, yes. nicole, no. any idea what you want for your next birthday? another tattoo. have you ever ridden an elephant? no. what parts of your body are shaved? armpits and legs. imagine you are 34 weeks pregnant. you are healthy and you didn’t have any major problems in your pregnancy. would you consider flying from the uk to germany, which takes one hour, without a bad feeling that something could go wrong or the baby decides to come out earlier? no. i probably just wouldn't do it. has anyone ever mistaken you for a satanist? yes, because of my wardrobe, especially in high school. would you take a very casually dropped 'maybe i should just kill myself’ as a warning sign? yes. are you aware that although only about 14 percent of the american total population is black, that about 70 percent of the people in jail in america are black? why does something tell me that the person who made this survey is racist?? do you agree with the people who say that everyone is bi-sexual even if they don’t want to admit it? absolutely not, that's ridiculous. if you knew that one of your friends was considering suicide, what would you say to them? cliche, but i'd tell them it's not the answer nor is it ever worth it. and i'd call 911 myself. which disney princess do you think is the most beautiful? why? hm. not sure. if you met the celebrity that you most admire, what would be the first thing you’d say to him/her? god bless if i ever met mark, i know i'd tell him first, "if there truly is a god, i want him to be like you." what genre of movie do you typically watch the most? i prefer horror. do you enjoy visiting zoos or wildlife parks? yes to both. if you could bring back any extinct animals, what would you pick? tasmanian tiger. would you ever eat a traditional "pet", like cat, dog or guinea pig? no. what kind of wild animals do you see where you live? squirrels, opposums, raccoons, whitetail deer... what do you think of animals like orcas/dolphins being kept in captivity for entertainment? i don't support it. which one of your friends have you known the longest? colleen. are you good at making new friends? no. can you describe what was going through your mind during your last kiss? it only lasted a second, but "i really don't know if i should be doing this." how many friends do you have, whose name begins with g? one: girt do you like the hunger games? i've read the first book and seen the first movie. it's fine. are you any good with kids? no. like i shit you not i once pet my niece's head lmao would you ever like to meet marilyn manson? no. he's one of my all-time favorite artists, but i don't want my already-poor image of him to be further defiled. love him as a musician, but he's honestly a pretty shit person. would you rather hold hands or link arms with your significant other? hold hands. do you always blow-dry your hair after you wash it? never. i would be there for a looong time. my hair is super super thick and takes at least ten minutes to fully blow-dry. have you ever witnessed a birth? only cat births. i never want to experience a human birth. it's not magical, it's gross. do you buy eggnog around the holidays? eggnog's gross. have you ever been on a farm? yes. last three texts on your phone are from? mom, sara, ashley. did you ever have braces? i did for too long because we didn't have the money to take them off. thank god they're gone now. what was the hardest language you’ve ever tried to learn? latin. that shit was like impossible. who is the prettiest person you’ve ever met? my friend alon. what does your voice sound like? mumbly, deep. what event did you last dress up for? who went to that event? my sister's wedding. and lots of people. do you believe prayer really works? honestly don't know. i kinda think it's just a display of faith to talk to god. idk if it really influences him to "do" anything. Nope. does it bother you when dogs lick you? no. do you feed your pets human food? they'll sometimes get a little piece. what’s the strangest or rarest creature you’ve seen at a zoo? i think i've been to a zoo that had a tiger once... do you think violence in video/computer games influences the nation? no. that claim is ludicrous. i’m sure you know of the gamer fad on youtube. who’s your favorite? markiplier, easily. but i also like pewdiepie and 8bitryan. deserts: dreary or beautiful? beautiful. ever seen a panda? no. ever actually seen a snake in the wild? yes. i've seen rattlesnakes, water moccasins, and others. have you ever had a PET snake? what kind? yes. i've now had/have three ball pythons. ever had an encounter with a snapping turtle? they’re scary! yes. my sister actually caught a huge one while fishing. dad sadly had to just cut the line. wherever you live, have you ever seen your national bird? once. ever had a reptile as a pet that you had to feed crickets? yes, a chinese water dragon. ever play hearthstone? yeah. didn't really get into it. ever gone hunting? biggest thing you’ve ever shot? no. i don't really support hunting for sport. how about fishing? biggest thing you’ve ever caught? lots of times. pretty big river catfish. coolest place you’ve ever been fishing? ohhhhh! there's this place downriver of a dam that's deep in the woods. like, DEEP in the woods. it's sooo fucking beautiful. what’s in a camel’s back? fat. steve irwin: foolish for messing around with animals or brave for teaching us? he was fucking amazing. don’t you think it’s a bit deceptive to wear a push-up bra? *rolls eyes* do you truly believe we came from chimps? nope. well, what do you think of extra bones and even organs in our bodies? why do we have them? do your research and you'll know that our "extra" organs actually have purpose; i can't remember which, i think the appendix though, is vital to an fetus's existence. as for bones, i honestly don't know, but i don't believe that automatically points to evolution. weirdest video game you’ve ever played? i mean i'd say the whole "silent hill" series is pretty damn weird. what’s your favorite kind of penguin? emperor. don’t you think we’re spending too much money on exploring the mere theory of climate change? "theory." get outta here. everyone always wants to know your favorite animal. what’s your SECOND favorite? probably rhesus macaques. i just really like social animals. would you marry someone of a different religion? depends on the religion, honestly. religion plays a key role in determining your core beliefs. favorite song by the band the offspring? "pretty fly for a white guy," probably. maybe "self esteem." have you had your wisdom teeth out? no, but i have one on my bottom right that technically needs out, but after hearing how painful that procedure is, i reeeaaally don't wanna do that. your appendix? no. do you like the idea of promise rings in relationships? sure. not quite ready to promise marriage, but promise to be ready some day. would you date someone 8 years older than you? yeah. what is your secret weapon to lure the opposite sex? lmao what secret weapon? do you have a favorite name? what is it? alessandra. do you watch scary movies on your own? yeah. scary movies just don't affect me. have you ever had to have stitches? yes, in my chin. what was your favorite pokemon as a child? charmander.

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