#and it worked. im normal now (lying)

[cupiidzbow]

i know it’s 3am but i was like… what if i had a lil treat

#ive been feeling so out of wack and I was like whay am i missing ☹️ #draw your ships boy !!!!!!! #and it worked. im normal now (lying) #but he makes my head all swimmy i like him so much BOOOOOO 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 #i should go to sleep but whatever we move #🦍🏄‍♂️🌊 #draws! ✏️

[volivolition]

suggestion do you have... any wants? like obviously you do but like? suggestion my guy my ourple boy. both the easiest and hardest to write. you need a skill to say something to move conversation along but it doesn't fit any skill in particular? about 80% of the time you can have suggestion say it and it will make sense. but like actually characterizing him... how do i define you dude... what makes your character tick... urgh. i dont get you yet. im trying to understand but you are difficult.

#chemi chats #there are some skills that i just dont understand yet and that just means i have to work on their character study chapter #im reading his bio and i think suggestion is a good manipulator and it's instinctive and he tries not to feel bad about it? #he's clever!! charming!! friends with savvy and drama. planting seeds in the mind and coaxing them to grow towards him like he's the sun. #a crude oil reservoir lying beneath a carefully laid flower bed. taps into the roots. the plants don't know any better than to drink. #he's great at sensing what makes people tick and uses that to his advantage. he needs goals to look forward to so he knows how to best #pull the strings to get them there. otherwise he's a bit aimless. he likes being useful. and since influencing others is helpful #he just keeps doing it? because it's what he's good at. and he tries to convince himself its fun and cool and just cuz hes charming and #it's his role as a skill and manipulation isnt thaaaat bad because it's helpful to them after all... but he does feel bad sometimes. #oh im listening to his voice lines and i just got to ''brother you should have put me in front of a firing squad'' and im sad about him now #but what do you want for short term little guy?? probably for people to like him. he likes chatting with people. i bet he'd like genuine #conversations with no strings attached but there's always some part of him filing information and tidbits away that he can't turn off #subconsciously figuring out things he can hold over them or how he can nudge them into thinking someth-/wait.../ no. no he's just talking. #he's /supposed/ to just be talking stop analyzing them stop falling back into that just have a normal conversation!! but he can't help it.. #hm. this is all really helpful for his chapter. he and empathy are very alike but also different. very interesting... #task: swept up #okay good talk everyone i think i understand him a little better now lmao?? still gotta figure him out some more hes not fully there but ye #also i think he goes by whatever pronoun you think he'd use. just ''oh what do /you/ think i am hm?? what /would/ i use; do you think?? :)' #funny fella. i love you.

[simcardiac-arrested]

rewatching the achilles animatic again and even though every frame was a new different special kind of torture it was still fun. Sometimes. therapeutic even one could say

#kind of miss working on it is what i mean . just working on a polished/long animatic project #and like you can REALLY tell i was struggling with 90% of the poses and faces and head shapes UEHEUJEGSJS #the only things that look consistently good are like. The hands (?) kind of. a little #i mean the animatic is good and looks great obviously but you KNOW i wasnt lying when i said in the description that #drawing is hard. unfortunately #i think at that time i was actually at the cusp of burnout too ? if im remembering correctly ….. and then i kept working on the animatic #through the sheer power of autism . and then more autism happened forever #But well if im honest most of the reason it looks wonky is probably bc i was just not used to drawing iterators #like before that i’ve drawn them a few tjmes sure but it’s been a good year or two #and i was drawing more normal lookin humanoids instead of bald ass robots #it was fucking up my artstyle sooo bad #it’s interesting to look back now #i havent drawn iterators in forever but i think i’ve gotten a bit better at them even if i still struggle #crammerposting

[soldier-poet-king]

INSANE tonight girlies and idk WHY

#franposting #its just ahhhh. i am going. 2 bed #idk what i did #<- is lying. had a second cider and finished thst indulgent sadboi fantasy romance #OFC im like this #im too old for this shit i have 2 drinks and i get emotional like it's 6 #i swear i didnt used to be like this #i drank heavy ish in undergrad at parties #now im like. wowee. 2 drinks over 6 hrs?? i get weepy and affectionate and also incapable of shutting up #more than usual #im fine. im normal. #anyway! i just! love! hope! redemption! duty! sadness! fibre crafts! there sure is a lot in my heart rn #i need 2 sleep. stat holiday tmrw. i will. work on craft and not be insane. maybe. hopefully #it's the WAITING. i need change. cannot do anything til new work contract is signed and definitive #so its just. limbo. til i can have a life again. extra curriculars. accessible errands. my own space to craft and read #ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[midnightduel]

Casey Jones Junior had never exactly been a normal kid. It was kind of impossible for him to be. He had been raised by his mother, his auntie-slash-other-maternal-figure, and three ninja turtles that represented the hope of a better world. Or, well. Four ninja turtles. That’s what he had been raised to believe, anyway.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #rise tmnt #my writing #these hands covered in ivy #tmnt 2018 #tmnt #rottmnt cassandra jones #rottmnt movie #rottmnt raph #rottmnt fanfic #WAAAAHHHHH I FINALLY FINISHED IT!!!!!! #im normal and fine about that (lying) #its weird to have both fics i'd been working on for months now done and over with

[ban-joey]

sending laser beams to my professor with my mind. kenneth you said midterm grades would b up by this afternoon. it is officially TONIGHT and guess what? kenneth i would love to not be clenching my teeth in my sleep tonight. kenneth i will be sending you a bill in the mail. yes i know its probably a TAs responsibility but i blame you personally. i hate school

#i dont im having a lot of fun (genuinely) but it is often pretty stressful #did find out there are a few folks adjacent to my program doing zoonoses & climate change research so im very excited to chat w them next w #possibly directing my thesis towards one health. social epi gradually becoming less interesting #plus i think my strengths do lie in applying epi to biological concepts so. one health works there #my brain continually trying to get back to lyme disease :( sometimes i really do miss the east coast tbh! #not lying actually i think the number one thing i miss is the amt of vector borne disease research LMFAO #i do unfortunately kind of have a crush on a classmate so that's fine but whatever. grad school. men are nice to me and i lose my mind ig #need to go make out w a hot trans person i think that would solve my problems rn #but also it's nice to be so excited about someone deciding to sit next to me in every class :) #like wow how isolated have i been the last 3 years to be so delighted by like. active signs i have Officially Made Friends. #even if he does live like a block away from my dad and jokes every goddamn day like 'so i saw your dad yesterday' no you DIDNT shut UP #idk yesterday he sat right next to me in a class he usually sits w other people in and it sort of sent my brain off the edge and now im jus #yeah. sitting with this one. it's fine like it's normal. but wowie i do think it's my first time having a Big Ol Crush since (redacted) #a little scary for my animal brain i think but it's okay! #im 25 in like 3 ish weeks and i still get embarrassed about this stuff somehow? stupid. #he's just really nice and always really fun to talk to! i think i had to officially Sit With Myself today bc epi is doing a holiday party #and there's a baking contest and we were talking abt it in class and i was indecisive abt whether i want to participate #and he like fully cut me off and was like oh you should bake something so i can have some :) #and. well fuck now i have to lmao. IM SO EASY IT'S SO EMBARRASSING #good evening everyone. guess this is my journal now. anyway ken rice you owe me twenty dollars and i aim to COLLECT

[stareyedsheeple]

finished reading the haunting of hill house and im so. ive been gritting my teeth reading through stuff about it so hard i feel nauseous. as u can see i am normal about this piece of media and can be trusted to be normal about pieces of media involving haunted houses and mothers and isolation. of course . of course (biting biting biting)

#🗯 #i think i might actually have to go to bed to wear this off ive worked myself into a state #let me into hill house library. thatw ould fix me #i can be trusted to be a sane organism under absolute reality. promise! (lying) #okay. sorry. goijh to bed now ive downloaded two other shirley jackson books to read in the morning #which i will obviously be normal about. too. becaus im normal. of course. #IM INSANE IM CRAZZASEEEEYYYYY INSANE ASSYLUM NIMM GONNA KILL YOU IM GONNAKILL Y #hm. did anyone hear that. must've been the wind #okay im normal now. im normal. going to bed. normally. okay !

[nerdie-faerie]

Oh yeah rosy cheeks are so cute until they start lying! Acting like the slightest exertion or warmth is the worst thing ever and absolutely cannot be coped with, the traitors

#ace is a grumpy bean #being super pale but rosy cheeked just means my face flushes super easily and makes it look way worse to an outsider than it is #like is something a little heavier than i would like? whole face bright red. am i little more active than i would like? #whole face bright red. is it a little warmer than i would like? whole face bright red. such treachery #people be like 'are you alright youre really red right now?' like yes i know she does that its a bit warm and i have no control over the #temperature nor my biological reaction to it alright fck off im fine shes overreacting #i just got back from grocery shopping and its too warm its a half hour walk and my groceries were heavier than normal so i came home #bright lobster red and its not even fcking sunburn like im pretty sure i burnt part of my arms cus i didnt put enough sunscreen on and #theyre less red than my face thats how ridiculous this whole thing is 😒 she be lying telling everyone im waaay more affected than i am #this has been relevant all week cus of work but i cant actually see how red my face is when coworkers are commenting on it only feel it

[palms-upturned]

.

#meg talks #jsgsjd i’m… sad #work friends are going to a spooky thing tonight #it sounds fun but 1) im broke and don’t get paid until tomorrow morning #2) my fibro is flaring up so bad 💀 it hurts to walk #and since my boss might go too im like uhhhh 😬 i don’t know if i rlly want her to see me using a rollator… cjdgxhch #she’s a very cool lady fwiw and it’s not like i think she would cause trouble #but it’s a little. scary. u know. ksgsdjxb like hoo boy the last thing i need is to risk my job and therefor my insurance 💀 #one friend was v sweet and offered to pay the entrance fee for me but sjshdjdh well #even if i did take the rollator i don’t think i’d be up to it #my whole everything hurts even when i’m just lying in bed 😔 #tbh i never got invited out more than like once in a blue moon until now #most of my friends don’t live anywhere near me skhsdjcjcj #but somehow it feels even lonelier now that i do have friends who invite me to things #bc i can’t go… #whether it’s bc of a flareup or bc of money or just bc nobody masks anymore so it’s a risk i don’t want to take #idk disabled ppl talk often abt the loneliness/isolation that comes w being disabled #and i always used to be like ‘’wow i’m abled but i can relate’’ #and now since my diagnosis i’m like. oh. 🤡 #right. forgot how it’s not actually considered normal to be friendless and rarely leave ur house due to fatigue #anyway. yeah. sorry for the influx of personal posts it’s just v anxiety inducing and exhausting to be living alone for the first time #hitting walls that didn’t used to be there before and having Realizashuns about my body… #and then still having to do those. damn dishes.

[phoenix-before-the-flame]

Moodboard for when u wanna animate the cool stuff in ur brain but cant bcus no laptop and if u try to animate anything over 10 seconds long on your tablet you risk killing the poor thing

#my stuff #I NEED A LAPTOP SO DESPERATELY U DONT UNDERSTAND #A PROPER ANIMATION AND DRAWING SET UP PLEASE #no disrespect to my samsung tablet the light of my life whomst has allowed me to hold jobs and not be homeless💖💖💖 #BUT I RLLY NEED A LAPTOP OTHERWISE IM ON THE GROUND CRYIN MAN #do u know how many animation jobs and comtracts ive had to pass up bcus i dont have a laptop???? #dawg i had the chance to work on a sketch for sesame street last year summer but i had to turn it down bcus i didnt have the right set up😭 #it went to my friend tho and im so proud n happy for her bcus shes super good BUT STILL #DO U UNDERSTAND MY PLIGHT #ok vent over i just had to get tjat off my chest #im normal now 👍( <-lying) #a laptop could fix me

[wibble-wobbegong]

i need someone to come punch me over the head for the next nine days till i finish part one of the thing i was supposed to post a month ago

#THE PILLS ARE WORKING NOW!! trying to actually get ok the grind #not lying tjis time im normal now

[depresseddepot]

I'm tired of being scared abt this. I'm 100% certain I have adhd (if you didn't already know) and relatively convinced that I have autism too

#ive known the adhd for a few years now #and ive suspected i was autistic since i was little but i was scared abt what that meant #(and also how that would affect how Normal I Was bc i was soo normal. cant you tell /s) #ive told a few people irl but each time i did i was faced with awful sucking guilt and shame at the possibility that i wasnt autistic #and thus was lying and using the label for attention (which isn't how it works at all but. yknow) #but ive taken the raads-r tests and uh. my scores are very high #which is worrying bc now i have to think of this as a genuine possibility #god i wish i could just get a diagnosis for these things #i feel like such a fucking liar when i tell people these things bc i don't have a 'real' diagnosis to back me up if they don't believe me #bc i have to prepare for the worst bc of COURSE i do #i might delete this later bc im a big baby and will get scared abt it but. #but! fuck! #im so so tired of knowing something this impactful abt myself and feeling like a huge scam whenever i say it out loud ! #also pls don't talk to me abt this bc i don't think i can take that sort of one on one interrogation abt it yet lol i have. so many issues #i just want to clear the water so i can finally rb posts abt autism without feeling like someone is going to physically harm me for 'lying' #bc i don't have a professional diagnosis #OUGH IM GOING TO BED ! I CAN FEEL THE SPIRAL !!!!

[allthatdivides2]

my brain telling me to go back to reading reddie fic 24/7 by making me dream about them last night

#it was taking me forever to fall asleep and then as im FINALLY drifting off i start getting this fucking incredible richie based narration #and im like i should write this shit down. but i dont want to fuck up my sleep. whatever im just gonna enjoy it #and then it was awesome. #eddie had to go in this house for something (it was his house but it wasnt his house like in the movies it had a back porch with a sliding #door and he had a dad and a brother and a big dog instead of his mom. the losers were waiting on the porch cause they couldnt go in. richie #tried to go in with him but his dad fucking HATES richie so he went outside to make it easier for eddie. problem is ITs in the fucking house #so the losers are outside and yeah theyre hearing yelling and shit but they expected that cause eddie fights with his dad all the time. #theyre chatting and shit but richie is being... strangely quiet. because hes working on this thing hes been working on for WEEKS now. its a #drawing of eddie and a poem about him. and hes super embarrassed about it but one night he couldnt sleep and he started it and now he Needs #to finish it. meanwhile eddies in the house and he doesnt immediately know ITs there. his dad is being shittier than usual even though hes #just trying to stock up some stuff from the medicine cabinet but hes like whatever im in and im out. but then his dad starts talking about #shit he shouldnt know about. like REALLY shouldnt know about. and eddie turns and his dad is much taller than he should be. and his head is #shaped weird. and all of a sudden ''hello eddie''. and eddies screaming and trying to get out and finally the losers figure out that #somethings wrong but the doors locked so they cant get in and richies about to break the fucking glass door when eddie comes barreling out #directly into him and they land in a heap on the ground. pennywise waves at them from the door and disappears and eddie is just sobbing into #richies chest curled up smaller than theyve ever seen him. richies so concerned with comforting eddie that he doesnt realize his papers just #lying out on the ground next to him. and nobody says anything because theyre having a Moment but as eddie calms down and starts talking to #richie almost like normal even though hes still clinging onto him and sitting in his lap his eyes flick over to the paper and richie about #jumps out of his skin to grab it but the damage is done eddie saw the drawing at least. and i dont remember as much of this part of the #dream but i know there was a quiet confession and they hug and its very fucking sweet and just. AUGH!!!!!

[colloquialcolors]

*voice muffled from lying facedown on my bed trying to generate the willpower to operate like a regular person (eat food) and also do some catchup work before work tomorrow* well. at least i have my gay hyperfixation rabbit hole focus for my brain to bounce around like a basketball

#serotonin machine broke except for hyperspecific things which i am not revealing until three months from now when i am normal about it #again. #sysmelodrama #and even the part of the machine is working in the way that me going around jiggling the handles of candy dispensers SOMETIMES got me one o #two stray pieces 'worked' for getting me candy #like uh. Sure. Sure. #me lying facedown: well. this brain dip isnt THAT bad. because at least we remember im a lesbian! #okay girliepop did NOT quite eat dinner so maybe its granola bar time instead #i DID spend two hours writing a test case and then going. oh this behaviour is fucked actually! so. you know. theres that. wheeeeee #hellbrain

[squishe]

i am in constantly spiraling depression and building anxiety and cant get my meds. this is great and going to end so well

#i am feeling so incredibly normal and neurotypical right now #(said gripping both arms of an armchair with white knuckles and foaming at the mouth) #trying to get a hold of my psych but his availability can be hard with my work schedule #soooo i probably wont get my meds for another week #and i dont think i could literally be doing worse rn? #ed symptoms are back. anxiety is in FULL swing. depression is alive and kicking. im dissociating my way through each and every day #time is such a blur i didnt realize its almost december #my dad just got back from a week long trip and it felt like two days #im #at a loss tbh #this is so scary and asking for help is even more terrifying #because then i have to admit ive been lying that im okay #and i know im just #going to break! and thats a lot of vulnerability #god i wish i could sleep im #emotionally exhausted #i dont know what to do hahaha #ive isolated so hard and pushed everyone away! #how can i rightfully ask them for anything #i dont even want to tell my psych how bad its gotten because im #ashamed #i just #want to lock it up in a little box under the bed #never think about it ever again #im so tired #im so so tired... #everything feels #utterly hopeless #and i know its just my anxiety speaking #but god its hard to remind myself of that

[nobaracore]

will never EVER get over this

#i have ebeen WRONGED. JUHFIJRHUCDOJIFOHDODODIJSJS!!!! CJNFVJNUDJUJHUHUGYF #im going to break my phone . #AHRGHGGHGHGHHGHGHGHGHHG #okay i am normal now #<- lying through my teeth #whoever did this I AM IN YOUR WALLS #notes from adi #i have work tomroww i can not be losing my mind over riverdale #riverdale lb