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#and i can feel my interest in things trickling away like i havent been able to do a lot of shit i rly want to bc of this barrier
toastsnaffler · 7 months
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tried going to bed early bc ive just been sitting staring at the wall or my phone all afternoon but it's been 3 hours now and I can't stop crying. :(
#I dont even know why im so fucking sad. this last week has felt like getting hit by a train repeatedly for no reason whatsoever#and it fucking hurts so bad and i cant fix it because i dont know whats wrong!!!!!!#i think thsts why its been so hard sleeping lately like my brain is problem solving but theres nothing there to be solved#and i dont even have anyone to talk to about it and even if i did i wouldnt have anything to say bc i dont know im just fucking. sad#like yeah ive gotten upset abt other things but thats me projecting my mental state onto everything. theres no original cause#unless it really is just pms and some hormonal shit which is likely but kinda insane to think abt. like yeah my body has decided#to flood the entire fucking system with Kill That Egg™ for a straight week except its too effective and makes me want to kill myself also#but apparently not fucking effective enough to start my actual fucking period. yippee#i want a thousand year long hug and to cry rly snottily into someones shirt and then to fall asleep and wake up feeling rested#man. nothing makes me feel any different. exercising and sleeping and socialising and eating and showering and reading#and i can feel my interest in things trickling away like i havent been able to do a lot of shit i rly want to bc of this barrier#and ive been trying to make myself do some things regardless bc inactivity will just make it worse. but nothing works!!!!!!!#i dont even know anymore man. i do everything right and im still as depressed as i was like 8 years ago#and i know thats just the depressed brain talking like i know i dont constantly feel like this but its hard to see outside of it man#u spend ur whole life drowning but its ok bc sometimes u get ur head above the surface long enough to take a breath or whatever#insert overused mentally ill metaphor here etcetcetc#ok i think ive run out of things to say im gonna try sleep again. day 1 billion of making longass vent posts sorry everyone#gn#.vent
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feverhalo · 7 years
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Teaser dump! Because I am an incredibly slow writer and want to give tumblr followers some sort of little boon for being cool and following me here
its a long post cause im teasing like 5 or 6 stories here. if the readmore doesnt work on mobile lemme know and I’ll try and fix it.
1 rule- no reposting anywhere please. these are teasers for the next parts of fics i’ll put up once i get them to a postable state. some of them i want to fully complete before breaking into chapters so you guys dont have to wait as long for updates, others I just got stalled out on and havent made progress in weeks.
theyre all VLD or FMA in here. I have a few ideas jotted down for Natsume too but havent gotten them started. I also just caught up on the new season and want to rewatch it some to get better characterization for some of the others.
Post Immunization pt2 FMA
“Brother? Brother, I know you’re tired, but you can’t sleep in the car any more.” Ed swiped his hands over his face. Everything felt warm and foggy except for the splitting headache he had and a rather uncomfortable heaviness in his arm pulsing low pain up his good shoulder. In short, not the nicest thing to wake up to. He mumbled out a jumbled mess of what he thought to Al.
“I know it isn’t very nice brother, but you don’t have to swear at me about it.” Ed shrugged, continuing to swipe the cool metal of his automail over his face as he let his flesh arm fall back to rest between him and the seat. Alphonse reached over the seat between himself in the back and his brother to nudge at Edward and disrupt him from curling back up and sleeping again. “We stopped and got dinner, and you might prefer being inside overnight, the military parking lot isn’t a proper place to sleep.”
“Don’t leave me in the parking lot,” Ed’s forehead creased and he took on a whining tone. “Geeze what kind of asshole-“
“If you get out now, you won’t have to go back to the parking lot. If I knew you’d prefer sleeping in a car over my oh so generous offer I really would have let you, you know.”
“That kind of asshole then.” Ed rolled himself up to sitting, bracing a hand on his aching head. A shiver quaked across his shoulders as he stumbled out into the evening air.
Turnabout Is Fair Play pt3 VLD
“Is he okay?”
“What do you think made that happen so quickly?”
“Is Lance going to be in bed all day?”
“Guys,” Shiro held up his hands, pleading. He pointed to the pathetic spread on the table, “Eat first. I don’t want us all neglecting ourselves when our energy needs to be there.”
They all sat and pulled hot cups over to themselves and rooted through the breakfast offerings. Pidge grabbed some sort of chip-like snack, Hunk took some of the burned toast and a fruit from the dish, and Keith uncrossed his arms long enough to pull some of the toast to his plate as well. Shiro waited for the crinkling of the packaging to quiet before he spoke.
“It got pretty bad, he was pretty dehydrated from the mission, and I guess between that and his fever… Anyway, he’s doing okay. Still a pretty nasty fever, but its not dangerous and he’s got water and medicine. Still sleeping, last I saw, which is good because it means he is resting and not in distress. I think the plan is going to be that he’ll stay in the med bay area for today. I don’t want you guys sneaking down there until he’s awake and decides he is up for it.”
“He’s okay, for real though?” Hunk was starting to fidget stiffly and uncomfortably.
A prompt that is unnamed as of yet VLD
The plumes of smoke were highly corrosive in nature, from the readouts on screen. Nothing in the atmosphere was welcoming to human life, and while the ocean here was a lovely lavender with waves that would make any surfer stare in stunned silence before rushing in- it was also extremely hostile to their human make up. Not to mention the huge shadows lurking beneath, and the huge scarred fins breaking the surface on occasion.
“You’re all doing wonderfully! There should be a gale of wind coming in from the south side in a few moments,” Coran crackled over the radio. “From my understanding this isn’t quite the ‘parasailing’ experience, but it is a much more advantageous training method for us!”
Even with their suits, the Lions, and all the careful planning and advanced technology, the stench of the volcano seeped into the cockpit of each Lion. Pidge was coughing harshly, trying to mute their line each time to spare the others. That tea from earlier had done wonders, for a while. But the acrid atmosphere, even if it was filtered well and none of the harmful particles were coming in, was so strong smelling it woke up the scratchy burning pain from earlier.
“Pidge! On your 7!” Hunk shouted during one of the coughing fits taking hold of Pidge. Below the green Lion the ground was starting to crack from the volcanic pressure and seeping smoke.
Pidge grabbed the controls with one hand, the other held in front of their helmet in reflex. One handed- they jerked Green out of the danger zone as the ground split and shot up hot vapors and flecks of molten minerals and bits of charcoaled vegetation still clinging to the surface. It wasn’t a pretty dodge by any means, but it did the job. The turn ended a little roughly, and Pidge was slammed into the side of the pilot seat, but other than that they were fine. Pidge took a deep breath after the fit subsided.
“Thanks Hunk-“ They cleared their throat before realizing the comm was still off. Pidge flicked it back on before repeating, “Thanks Hunk. Saved my tail there, literally.” Green flicked her tail around to show her thanks as well.
Ed Whump 2 Electric Boogaloo (working title will be changed) FMA
Upon arriving at the Hughes' residence, Gracia gasped, dropping the doll she had been holding when the door opened to show the two of them. Dirt caked and bandaged as Ed was, the Colonel was also battleworn, clothing torn in some places and with the dust of alchemic reactions stuck to his face and uniform. Elicia was still off on the background, her happy little voice filtering through the open door.
"Sorry to show up in such a sorry state," Roy gave her a lopsided grin. "I do not intend to impose, but I can't speak for the brat."
Ed swatted at the hand Roy had used to gesture in his direction. Throughout the walk Ed's energy flagged further, and he was left panting and speechless. He resorted to short, snapped comments and commands or simply swatting lightly at Roy with the automail. They had to stop a few times, even going as far as sitting down for twenty minutes on a bench after a stumble that caused Ed a hot flash of pain that left him nauseated. His bruised ribs were not making the trek easier.
"Oh, nonsense. Ed and Alphonse never impose," She gave Ed a smile. It seemed lost on him, he was trying to catch his breath and avoid pain at the same time. His eyes were glassy and he was sweating slightly. The fever the doctor had warned about was visible on his pink cheeks by now as well. "Come on in."
"Thank you," with that, she stepped aside and Roy walked in with Ed following. Mustang casually undid his jacket and hung it on the hook and respectfully undid his shoes and set them to the side.
Ed stomped on the heel of his boots and tugged his feet from them, bracing himself on the wall with his automail hand. That accomplished, he pushed them with his foot to the side and left them in a heap. Ed carefully worked his jacket off his injured shoulder and let it slide off his automail arm to the floor. Roy leaned down to pick it up after Ed gave it a half-hearted kick to try and fling it on top of his boots.
Ed Whump-in-progress 1  FMA
He grabbed a seat, kicking his feet up to rest on the edge of the seat across so he could use his legs as a tale to hold his journal. While they were in transit, he and Al may as well go over what they’ve learned so far to see if they may be able to gather anything while on this assignment.
The Elric brothers drifted into their own world going over their notes, and the rest of the group climbed aboard and the train started in motion after everything and everyone was accounted for.
Edward’s attention turned further away from his meal and their current destination as he and Alphonse nit-picked over small details and things they had learned through their travels so far, and soon found himself getting uncomfortable on the hard seat. Slowly the sounds of the rest of the military group in the cab trickled into his awareness, and he zoned out to a game of cards Falman and Furey had been playing together.
“Ah, they return to the world outside of alchemy. You guys excited for this?” Breda  was leaning over the seat ahead of theirs, watching them seemingly oblivious to everything as they hummed and hawed over their research.
“Yes, as much as I can be. I am really thankful that Colonel Mustang is allowing me to ride along. I understand its a really big favor,” Alphonse rubbed at the back of his helmet. “I’m very sure brother is thankful for it as well. We have a lot to go over.”
“Yeah.” Ed leaned back, wondering when he started feeling so exhausted. “He’s not being an ass about it, surprisingly.” He stared out the window for a few minutes, zoning out again. The sky was changing to a dusky purple, and with belated interest he noted the wall lamps lighting up. The motion of the train was adding to his exhaustion, making it hard to keep his eyes open. 
Alphonse encouraged his brother to sleep, and kept himself occupied joining the others in card games and listening to the stories they told. Edward rested his head against the glass, drifting off as the kilometres flew by. Hours passed and Alphonse found himself awake alone after a while. He watched his brother sleep, fitfully at times, with his forehead pressed to the glass leaving a foggy halo. He read some to pass the time, some notes and parts of the lighter novels he had started. 
Ed stirred eventually, stretching his legs forward with a groan. His eyes opened and he blinked a few times before registering Alphonse across from him.
“Mornin’ Al,” he mumbled checking the horizon. The dark sky dotted with pinprick stars drifted by behind the speeding scenery. “Can you open the window for a bit? ‘S hot in here.” 
“You can sleep more, brother.” Alphonse stood as quietly as he could to crack the window as his brother ran his hands over his face, shuddering as he tried to hold back a yawn. Ed nodded, seeming to miss the words entirely as he sat up straighter and stretched a bit more.
“In a bit,” he swallowed, “weird dreams. Its kinda stifling in here, could use the air.” Ed pulled his legs up onto the seat. He felt so sore, how long had it been? He searched his pockets for his watch.  
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