#and decided to show Dakota he was hip with the current generation | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

keyders · 3 years

Text

full name: montana kıvanç keyder (pronounced kuh-vanch kai-dir). nicknames: tan. gender and pronouns: cis man, he / him. age: thirty. date of birth: may 17, 1990. hometown: pleasance, ohio. nationality: american. religion: muslim. sexual and romantic orientation: bisexual biromantic. occupation: author & stand up comedian. living arrangements: lives with his family and a boarder (PLS GIVE ME THE BOARDER) languages spoken: english, conversational turkish. strange history: the death ranch.

trigger warnings: assault, death, injury, pregnancy.

this is the clown montana, but u can just call him tan. he grew up in pleasance but moved to seattle around 10-ish years ago to study law ( but also bc he had a falling out with his ex-bestie @kincadedonnelly which just made the decision to study out of state so much easier ) and only just returned last december!

tan is the middle child of three. he has an older brother and a younger sister. their family used to own a mom and pop store that has since then been bought out by alby and turned into the pleasance general store under new management in 2000. his father had since turned to various enterprises to try and support the family which included carpentry and being a delivery truck driver. his mother, on the other hand, took to music tutoring on the weekends apart from being a high school teacher. needless to say, things had been pretty tough financially on the family since alby took their business away from them.

growing up, tan was p much....mediocre. which was never a dirty word for him, but it was to his parents. it was actually their dream for him to become a lawyer, which he wasn’t exactly opposed to, mostly because he didn’t really have anything else in mind.

he had enough in the way of friends, played sports, did ok in school. wasn’t super smart but also wasn’t at the bottom. he just coasted by and it was fine. he was fine. at least he was funny.

when he was 21, he was accepted into law school thru a scholarship at the university of washington. it was the first time he’d ever really gone out of state, let alone lived away from home on his own.

but seattle treated him well. it was there that he was able to explore more of who he was and what he wanted to be—and really wanted to be—which was, to no one’s surprise, not to become a lawyer, but a writer. a storyteller. but knowing that he couldn’t come home without a law degree, he sought to finish his four-year stay and make his parents proud all the while harboring words in his journal as a hobby.

he was out drinking with his friends when he got into a drunken fight with another patron for some dumb reason he couldn’t even remember anymore even if he tried. it really started early into the night but then hours later when the group was set to go home, they had run into the patron and his friends outside. tan couldn’t keep his blasted mouth shut and the long and short of it is that he’d ended up in the hospital with a dislocated jaw, a broken nose, and a lesion in his brain after he took a crowbar to the head. he was on his last semester of law school.

which, of course, put a damper on his parents’ plans of finally having a lawyer in the family. and it took a while, but throughout the frustration of relearning how to put a shirt on or the staring spells he would have in the living room or the fact that he started having atonic seizures that required a service dog in his aid, he decided to see the silver lining coming about a year into his recovery.

meds were expensive and therapy didn’t come cheap, so when he submitted a column narrating his experience from small-town mediocrity from a turkish-albanian background to big city law school dropout now with a disability card to a local publication, he’d only expected the cash it came with in exchange for his submission; he didn’t expect an email from a guy who, as it turned out, was a pretty big tv producer saying that he’d read his column and wanted to meet up to chat about an ‘opportunity’.

said opportunity turned out to be a job offer. or, well, a trial offer— he was currently producing the second season of a show on comedy central and wanted to invite him on as a writer’s assistant. with no employment opportunities on his immediate horizon ( with the alternative being to book a plane ticket back to ohio ), he knew he couldn’t say no.

the job was not glamorous and the salary was dismal, but it helped him remember how to become a person again, this time in an environment he actually enjoyed. no more case readings, no more depressing internship hunts with law firms who didn’t want him.

as he became more and more immersed into the culture of the show ( and other programs in the network ), he was eventually given his own episodes to write, all the while making his debut on stage as a stand up comic ( which was a difficult feat to even try and muster the courage to face an audience, let alone an audience in bars ). shortly after he’d made a relatively dignified name for himself, he started working on publishing his first book, which he liked to describe as ‘part-memoir, part-fiction, 100% mediocre’ entitled ‘Stop and Smell the...’ which chronicled his experience as a small-town midwestern boy who gre up in an immigrant household and was then living in a big city with a condition that could very well be attributed to his big mouth.

and he was, by no means, famous. maybe not even quasi-famous. but his new life had allowed him to support his family back home especially when his father had come down with a mysterious illness that prohibited him from continuing work. on top of that, his younger sister had gotten pregnant and was then forced to marry a businessman in cincinnati just so she could raise the child.

his father finally succumbed to his illness last december and it was only then that tan finally came home to deal with the funeral arrangements. he took a sabbatical from work, with every intention of his trip back to pleasance being temporary, but it’s months and he still hasn’t found it in him to leave pleasance again.

extras:

he has been living with his family again and has no plans of getting a place on his own since this is just ‘temporary’.

yes, he also brought his service dog, dakota ( and yes, he’s montana and she’s dakota and they’re just quirky like that 🤪 ) with him to pleasance and he takes her everywhere. since the move, dakota has enjoyed the bigger spaces that pleasance has to offer and you can find the pair most often at the park or playing catch on death ranch where the thrill of getting caught has never gotten old since he was seven.

he’s bisexual and he came out in 2013. he’s always sort of known that he’s not just attracted to girls since he was younger ( as evidenced by the will-they-won’t-they relationship he had with his ex-best friend kincade fuckin rippp ) but he’s never really been open about that part of himself until then.

a serial dater and a serial flirt. also soooo so so needy.

he’s a taurus sun with an aries moon so he’s equal parts ‘date me uwu’ and ‘fite me uwu’

like his fc bariş, tan sports a half-sleeve tattoo on his left arm: (body image tw) click here for reference !! also a smiley on his right thigh, his siblings’ initials on his right ankle, and a small ‘K’ on his left hip.

his comedy is very hasan minhaj meets bob newhart: all the ~~~~woke millennial goodness of hasan wrapped with bob newhart’s brand of deadpan delivery sprinkled with a little bit of john mulaney’s observational humor.

#phqintro #assault tw #injury tw #illness tw #death tw #pregnancy mention tw

3 notes · View notes