#and a ‘god this is so my dumb little niche that scratches all those weird little itches nobody else has’ style of good | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

musingsfromthemythos · 4 years

Text

A Gift and a Show

I had always had an affinity for the weird things in life. Nothing too far out of the ordinary; cryptids, chaos magic, the Kabbalah. Harmless stuff. Ritual and speculation. It was my “thing” among my friends. I was the “spooky one.” The one who was always ready with some obscure Aleister Crowley reference or walking them through some morbid myth over drinks.

It was fun for me, and I liked that quirky little niche I occupied. All of my friends were a little odd in some way but that corner of the bizarre was mine. I was happy. I never really went looking for any of that stuff of course. I didn’t really believe. It was just a hobby. Some esoteric nonsense to amuse my friends and confuse my Bible-thumping parents.

Then my birthday came around. This was a time when I was stuck at home a lot. Between jobs, not much to do but read and watch horror films and wait for something to happen. My family and friends brought or sent presents of the usual kind of things I favored: whiskey, video games, absurd graphic T-shirts, and the like. But the day after, I received a new package: a slim manila envelope addressed to me personally.

Its packaging was unremarkable in every way, with one notable exception. No matter how long I stared - brow furrowed and eyes squinting - I couldn’t make out the return address. The words were English, of that I am absolutely certain, and they weren’t nonsense. They were definitely words. I just... couldn’t understand them. The stamp I clearly remember. It was a simple gray lily, set against a black background. It was both utterly unremarkable and endlessly perplexing.

I opened the package of course. How could I not? Curiosity has always been one of my strongest vices, and this was too weird for me not to dig deeper.

Inside, there was a single piece of hard paper. More like a postcard than anything else. One side of it was glossy black, completely unmarked. The other side had an address, and what I can only describe as some theatrical billing. I won’t put the address to writing. I don’t want anyone else to experience what I went through, no matter what their level of morbid intrigue.

It was an invitation. The show was titled The Audient Void, starring one “Nathan Hopper” as the main presenter. The sole caption detailing the performance was “For fans of the Weird, the Macabre, and the World Behind the World.”

At the time I had of course assumed this was something like an escape room, or else one of those “find the serial killer” augmented reality games you hear advertised on podcasts all the time. I was convinced it was something that one of my friends had paid for as a birthday present.

I sent a text to our group chat asking who had sent it, but none of my friends owned up to it. I was half-convinced at the time that one or more of them was well-aware of the package and was just playing dumb until after I had seen the show. Then they would bombard me with questions and jokes about my peculiar affinity for the odd.

So I went. Of course I went. The venue was close enough to my apartment that I could attend the show and even meet with with my friends for drinks afterwards.

The location was respectable enough. I live in an older part of the city and the theater where the performance was being held was one of those dignified but antiquated sort of places. I won’t give any more details for the same reason I won’t disclose its address, but it looked as benign as anything else in its neighborhood.

The theater itself was packed. I was struck by how diverse my fellow spectators were. Some were clearly from my sort of crowd, with artfully dyed or cropped haircuts and clothing that screamed “look how different I am.” But others seemed like they would have been more at home in a bible study group, or a police academy, or a retirement home. They all wore the same expression though. They, like me, were intrigued by what was to come, but were equally befuddled by the medley of their fellow theater-goers.

Then the lights flashed briefly and dimmed. Silence fell over the crowd. And our host for the evening took the stage.

What I remember most about Nathan Hopper is how utterly unremarkable he was. He wasn’t tall or short. He wasn’t fat or thin. He was far from ugly but equally distant from handsome. Hell, I had a hard time discerning if he leaned more masculine or feminine - not that that last bit matters to me, especially now.

He smiled. I remember him smiling. And he began to speak.

And then the world broke.

It was such a quiet thing at first. A creeping sense of... wrongness that pervaded the air. Do you know that feeling you get when you overestimate the length of a staircase and your stomach jolts as you try to climb that last phantom step? It was that. Except it lasted.

Time began to lose meaning, and it occurred to me that time never had meaning. The concept of time being relative and therefore valueless was always something I had regarded cognitively: a masturbatory thought exercise in metaphysics. But this time, I felt it.

The theater grew darker. I could still see Nathan Hopper, cheerily speaking in words that I can’t remember, but his face was the only one I could make out anymore. As the last vestiges of light left the auditorium I glanced to my right and left, seeking some small reassurance of realty in my fellow spectators. I couldn’t see their faces. I’m not even sure if they had faces now.

I still can’t really see faces.

Then I was falling. I was alone, and I was falling. Darkness encircled me. It didn’t smother me, I wasn’t drowning or suffocating. It didn’t bury me in the way that you might think. If anything, it was opening to me. I felt it yawning, the space growing ever larger.

For a moment, I saw stars. Not in the sense that I was concussed or dizzied. No, I saw the stars. They were beautiful, surrounding me in my endless black void. They reassured me, somehow, even in that widening nothingness.

And then they started to die. One by one the stars winked out. I swiveled my head desperately, desperately searching for those precious little lights that let me cling to my sense of self. But it was in vain.

As the last of the stars faded to darkness, I became aware of a presence. I couldn’t see, of course, and the sense of endless vertigo didn’t abate in the slightest. But somehow, I perceived it.

It wasn’t aware of me. Of that I’m still certain. But I had no choice but to be aware of it. It roiled and thrashed in that darkness. It piped and groaned in the abyss between the corpses of stars. It didn’t know me. I didn’t want me. It couldn’t know. And it couldn’t want. It rolled in an endless tide of mindless, omnipotent apathy. I was nothing to it; I was nothing to anything.

And, in that moment I understood. He made me understand. Not the coiling mass of power and idiocy that now surrounded me in that darkness, but its messenger. Its herald. The one who brought me here. I understood, and I knew, and I was broken by it all.

Then I was back in the theater. I can’t say for certain how much time had passed. Maybe it had been a few minutes. Maybe a year. I cast my gaze into the crowd around me. Some of the theater-goers were weeping, rocking back and force with their knees clutched to their chests. A few had become violent, scratching and clawing and beating those who occupied the seats next to them. More were catatonic, their eyes empty and vacant, and I knew in that moment they would never awaken again.

I think a good number were dead.

Then at last I looked back to the stage, to the thing that had called himself Nathan Hopper. But I knew it now, and he knew that I knew.

Gone was the utterly unremarkable man. Gone was any vestige or pretense of humanity. I had seen the Audient Void, and now I could see him.

His eyes met mine, and they were black. Empty and uncaring and as mocking as the horror I had just emerged from. So too was his skin - not the dark brown of an African heritage - but the perfect onyx of the space between stars.

Nyarlathotep smiled, and my eyes burned from the freezing fire that lit his face.

It hurt.

Nyarlathotep laughed, and his mirth was a migraine that tore through my skull.

It hurt.

Nyarlathotep spoke, and his words were chiseled into my soul.

It hurt.

I won’t repeat what he said to me. No one should have to hear those words. I commit this experience to writing as a warning to others. If you received an invitation to Nathan Hopper’s show, don’t go. Burn the invitation. Scatter the ashes. Drink yourself into such a stupor you never remember plucking it out of your mailbox.

Don’t give yourself over to the games of that vicious thing and the blind idiot god that it serves.

It’s too late for me, it’s too late. I will never be free of his eyes, his smile, his laughter. I will carry it with me until the day I die. I have seen the Audient Void.

#cthulhu mythos #lovecraft

7 notes · View notes

normal-thoughts-official · 5 years

Note

Pornstars!AU where Magnus and Alec have been shamelessly flirting for sometime but haven’t done a scene together even though everyone has been clamoring for it. They finally get together and it is...wow! Everything and more. Alec makes Magnus cum so much that he’s shaking by the end of the scene and Alec has to stop a couple of times cuz Magnus’ cunt feels so good and he knows he’ll cum too soon if he keeps going.

god, the rest of the world wishes they got anons like mine. ilysm. please keep these coming, y’all

okay, so i’m thinking - camboys instead of pornstars? just because i think with like Actual Big Budget Porn it would be harder for this to happen, like, organically, with the director being there and there being like a script and shit

but it could be indie porn, or just big ole’ cam stuff. In the cam stuff case they would be pretty much responsible for themselves so i guess i’m going with that? anyway.

alec’s a bit more seasoned than magnus is, so when magnus starts doing cam stuff alec’s already got kind of a fanbase. magnus watches his stuff sometimes too - look, he’s only human, and Alec is hot and has a nice dick, and isn’t afraid to moan like most toppy guys are, and he just likes the way Alec seems to just. completely get into it and melt and relax. and he says some filthy things to the camera, too, smirks at it and asks how they like seeing his touch his dick, tells them he wishes he had a warm mouth to fuck into instead. and magnus is into that stuff, sue him.

alec also does a few feature films, sometimes. not all the time and there aren’t many “regulars” but he does

magnus doesn’t really. he doesn’t feel comfortable yet, and he likes to feel like he has some control. he’s been in some pretty unpleasant situations with camille - not related to sex work, actually way before he started working with that - so he likes to protect himself. not to mention being a trans brown guy - and a bottom - in this line of work can bring some unpleasant situations (when doesn’t it?) if he isn’t careful, so he won’t trust just anybody to do a feature live with him.

what he does do, though, is take requests. that’s what gets him most of his money, really, and this way he gets to choose what he takes or doesn’t take - but usually people are reasonable, and generous, too. also, there’s something hot about touching himself exactly as someone says - it’s no secret he’s a sub, and he enjoys being told what to do, watched and praised by his followers. the money and gifts don’t hurt, either. all in all, it’s a win-win arrangement, and he enjoys it a lot.

he also does some Q&As sometimes, and at some point, someone asks him whether he watches other people. magnus mentions alec, which is- really not a big deal. he’s pretty popular and well-known, it’s not weird.

after that, he gets a request to film himself jacking off to one of alec’s videos.

he takes it.

and it EXPLODES

the fact that alec’s name, which is a pretty well-searched term, is in it, helps, of course. the algorithm shows it to more people. but the video is also just plain-old good. magnus moans so prettily and is very responsive to the stuff alec says in the vid, and he’s clearly very lost in pleasure and he just looks beautiful.

up to this point, he wasn’t very popular, but he had his little niche of fans who were pretty loyal, and very generous. gotta have some incentive, after all.

but with that video he skyrockets and gets a lot of new subscribers and yup alec sees it

(cue, like, ten hours of him salivating)

somebody eventually asks alec whether he’s seen the video and alec’s like “hm yes” and kinda smirks at the camera like “you know, if you ever wanna do a feat, hit me up” and everyone loses their fucking shit over it, of course. two of the hottest camboys on the site! and they have a similar style and kinks and you could just tell, like, that their chemistry would have been amazing

the clamor for them to do a feat only rises and rises so eventually magnus ends up messaging him and they start to talk. but he doesn’t want to do a feat, at least not yet. he doesn’t feel ready as a whole and i mean - alec is cis and white. he’s gotta make sure he’s comfortable

and alec is super understanding and never pressures him or even asks him about it, really, they just start to talk. so they’re like chatting privately and quickly becoming friends, and also doing this whole thing where they’ll flirt like crazy on camera and leave messages for each other and stuff, because 1- it’s funny; 2- it draws attention when they do it and that’s more money for the both of them.

they don’t really flirt when they’re chatting privately, though. they just talk like two people. eventually they even exchange phone numbers so they can talk better. they become actual friends, and they talk about everything from their work to just silly stuff. magnus tells alec about his plans to become a pharmacist, about his studies on medicinal properties of snake venom, but they also talk about stuff like the shows they watch, how annoying alec’s sister izzy is, they probably play something dumb like online uno once and almost kill each other. alec also gives magnus some tips since he’s a bit more seasoned. they also laugh at the little jabs and flirts they leave for each other in their vids, you know, stuff like that

anyway, it’s kind of a more slow burn thing, especially for magnus - who’s still a little wary - but they’re slowly falling in love, in that way that feels so natural that you don’t even realize it for a while. they meet a couple of times, and don’t do anything - they just live in neighboring towns, or maybe the same, big city? anyway - they just hang out and talk and laugh and it’s cute and fun

eventually magnus decides he trusts alec enough to try, especially since - well, alec’s hot. and they are, hm, compatible, sex-wise. so they sit and have a talk and discuss what they are willing to do or not and kind of reach a few agreements, you know, that sorta stuff. very professional and all that.

well, they do the do and it’s like holy shit. it’s electric and they have so much chemistry and understand each other so well, which - shouldn’t come as a surprise since they’re friends, right? but it does, and magnus, like, completely forgets about the camera tbh - which is the opposite of a problem because it only makes him more vocal and loud and everybody loves that

and at this point magnus is kind of touch-starved because damn, it’s been a while, and alec is all like “fixing that is my number one purpose in life”, so he touches magnus all over, runs his hands over his body, shows him off to the camera a bit (he’s lucky and he knows it, all right), kisses him, pulls his hair and fucks him good. and magnus comes and comes and comes until he’s pretty much a crying mess, and alec has to frequently slow the pace and pretend he’s doing it just to tease magnus and hear his needy little noises (and he is, at least partially) but really he’s just gonna come at any minute now because magnus is so fucking beautiful and feels so fucking good under him

eventually the video ends, and magnus is just lying boneless on the bed, all like “holy shit,” and alec is just like “damn, that one got a lot of views, i think it might have broken my record already” and that’s when they both realize that they had, like, completely forgotten about how that was just a work thing, they were so wrapped up in each other. and that’s probably when it dawns on the both of them that they may have fallen in love.

fun! terrifying! but fuck their lives, right, because the horny community is very into this stuff and it was, objectively speaking, fucking amazing. cue them becoming sorta friends-slash-coworkers with benefits and, hm. pining.

(i just love mutual pining okay. let me live)

they usually save the kinkier stuff to do on camera but they begin to- have sex off-camera. just for fun. scratching an itch! and in the off-camera sex they are just. clearly making love. like clearly. there’s no other way to describe the way alec holds him, or the way magnus moans alec’s name, or the reverent touches alec leaves on him that are just slow and feel imprinted all over magnus’ body. but neither of them really realize that

until, i guess, at some point they’re doing some request that’s more vanilla and they forget the camera’s there again and they end up having that almost heartbreakingly tender sex? and everyone is like “hm,” and eventually afterwards they both watch the video and are like “oh fuck”. magnus is like mortified because it’s so obvious that he’s got a crush god damn it, but then alec asks him out and oaduhsudajsdams look i love those idiot nerds. anyway that’s a happy ever after for the both of them and they become the porn world’s most amazing power couple the end

#ask #anonymous #sh #shadowhunters #malec #long post #smut #trans magnus smut #trans magnus bane #malec smut #magnus bane #alec lightwood #malec au #ficlet #fic idea #anyone can and should feel free to write this #camboys au

30 notes · View notes