#and I don't know wtf is her problem and it's. Not a tragedy to me look at alicent in comparison that's a struggle that's relatable and

[yzy-dragon]

I absolutely ADORED S2E9 "Three Stories" of Link Click and was a bit surprised to see the discontent here on Tumblr, and I totally understand the reasons why people didn't like it, especially in the context of the pacing of the rest of S2 (which I also have some opinions on but I won't talk about that here), but I also felt the need to just get my heart out why I love it so much. A bit of background, I'm Chinese American but have lived in and visited China numerous times.

Music and theater. As a western classical musician and an amateur Chinese opera singer enthusiast (I saw someone else post about the possible inspo this episode got from Chinese opera), I VIBED with the artistic direction of this episode SO much. The three-part structure was almost like a sonata/symphony (and remember that one scene where Qian Jin was air-conducting in a previous episode!!) or scene changes in a Chinese opera. Nothing needs to be said about the animation style that hasn't been said already, but I like how scenes from the three individual "stories" were interwoven and reused like leitmotifs. Especially that crazy, tortured laughter. Idk if any of the parallels were intentional on the part of the director, but it's what I got from it due to my personal experiences. I know that's a highly subjective takeaway though, which brings me to my next point....

Qian Jin's "tragic" backstory. I know a lot of people were upset that the extent of Qian Jin's tragic backstory was "oh his wife cheated on him", but I think the "basicness" of his struggles was the whole point (by the way, this segment displayed various attitudes towards work, family, marriage, individual pride, and life in mainland China so subtly but so well!). I also don't think sympathy was the main thing we were supposed to feel for him, although of course there is some. The whole "tragicomedy" aspect of Qian Jin's story is that it's not some horrible, terrible, rare thing that happened to him, but a common problem faced by so many hardworking but busy married men trying to provide for their families: infidelity. But Qian Jin sees himself as the main character of an elaborate play that rivals the great dramatic classics (which, funnily enough, often depicted very DRAMATIZED versions of a rather basic series of events). And his viewpoint is validated when....

Qian Jin meets the twins. That segment is still largely from Qian Jin's perspective, because we still don't really know how LTC and LTX even feel about him. But for Qian Jin, it's a stroke of fate and fortune that could only possibly happen in theater. He's very far removed from reality at this point. Reality is that a cop whose job it is to investigate violent crime comes across two kids who are the victims of a violent crime. Again, nothing particularly special or even coincidential. It's comical like that.

The fairy tale section.  Unlike the first two, I think this segment is from Xixi’s perspective, which not only justifies the cartoony artstyle but also makes it heartbreaking, due to her childlike innocence.  Like Qian Jin, she also perceives her reality as something it’s not, but unlike him, she doesn’t have delusions of grandeur of being a tragic protagonist.  It’s just a little fox trying to survive in a forest full of predators and hunters.  

All that tortured laughter. I’ve actually noticed in a lot of Chinese media that they like to use laughter as a way of signifying a person’s complete mental breakdown due to the tragedies they’ve suffered.  It’s a very internal thing that has people on the outside going, “WTF?”  In this episode we have a lot of characters crazily laughing together at the same time and it seems like they’re relating to each other, but in reality they’re all trapped in their own nightmarish hells and motivated by selfish purposes. 

Back to the topic of Qian Jin, even though he (innaccurately) may see himself as the hero of his own story, it's not enough for him. He wants to use Cheng Xiaoshi to change the past. He wants to become the director of the play.

I know a lot of people were disappointed this episode didn't advance the plot, especially in regard to Cheng Xioashi and Lu Guang's storylines, but I was actually prepared for a backstory episode and couldn't have been more satisfied. Again, I have other opinions on the rest of S2 but at least standalone, I think this episode was nearly perfect. And I really wasn't expecting this, but it's really elevated Qian Jin to one of my top characters.

#link click #shiguang daili ren #long post #link click season 2 #qian jin #li tianchen #li tianxi #cheng xiaoshi #lu guang #most artistic episode #I stan!

[indianariesolive]

Fanon vs Canon characters

(Contains spoilers, duh)

Percy Jackson:

fanon Percy: OH this is a pen guys!!! Lolz wtf am I doing again? 🤪Annabeth who? The love of my life is blue food. Omg I like, don't even know where my head is unless my smart gf points it out to me. 😅Haha

canon Percy: is actually smart, though self-deprecating and funny. Is immensely loyal & protective but has the presence of mind to quickly think his way out of a problem. Even Annabeth admits he is pretty intelligent; she simply likes to tease him like he's an idiot.(which he clearly isn't)

Wylan Van Eck:

fanon Wylan: Omg Jesper *blush* *stutters* 🥺*blushes again* oh gosh Kaz, nooo ahhhh I'm just a baby OR Yo get out of the way bitch, this is Kaz Brekker 2.0 & I'm gonna push you into the canal. 😠

canon Wylan: is very smart but insecure. Yet stands up for himself and his friends. Quite kind & modest yet develops confidence along the way. Super smart; His father is a dumb asshole for not recognizing the genius in him. Definitely a badass survivor but dosen't let his shitty circumstances knock the goodness out of him.

Nikolai Lantsov:

fanon Nikolai: Haha I'm so funny & handsome lolz 😝😏 lemme flirt *wink* ah darling I'm just here for the laughs. #partyanimal Narcissus 2.0

canon Nikolai: Funny, smart, charming & brave. Disguises his dangerously smart mind, fears & insecurities behind a well-constructed mask of easy-going charm & wit. Is also deeply patriotic & optimistic despite battling demons from all sides. Is a king through & through, even without a crown.

Jesper Fahey:

fanon Jesper: Shoot! *finger guns* *wink*😜😘 ohhhh Milo *ignores Wylan* my dearest, love of my life, aww. I'm not throwing out the goat. 🐐Haha I'm the dumb comic relief. I'm just here to be loud & funny & annoy Kaz hehe.*twirls guns*

canon Jesper: Friendly, brave, talented but also impulsive & reckless with gambling addiction. Suffers trauma, identity crisis & masks it with humor. Lowkey protective of his friends & hates to disappoint his loved ones. Likes to live in the moment. Looking for purpose in life.

Alina Starkov:

fanon Alina: ugh, so dumb, & whiny all the time. I have no personality guyzzz, besides going back & forth between Mal & Darkling. Meh, there's nothing else.

canon Alina: Snarky, sassy, insecure, also very brave & patriotic, bit of a hero complex, carries the burden of the Chosen One even though she dosen't want to solely to save her country. Is deeply in love with her best friend & is scared of losing him. Very powerful but dosen't let the greed for it overcome her & refuses to let go of her humane & compassionate side. Can be quite funny when she wants to.

Nico di Angelo:

fanon Nico: McDonald's for life. *angst* *gay* *angst* *angst* wow I'm depressed. Casually jokes of death all the time or just yells & swears.

canon Nico: Moody, depressed, used to a joyful kid but scarred by death of his sister. Also kinda angsty & powerful. Eventually overcomes his fears & learns to move on. Comes out as gay & learns to accept his identity, falls in love. Is also brave & loyal. Has a hidden soft side only a few know about. Is the Ghost King; radiates deadly authority. Speaks in a low & quite voice but still carries his point across.

Matthias Helvar:

fanon Matthias: I'm just a boring straight guy who's also misogynistic & homophobic.(insert Ch 40 joke) *Karen 2.0*  *dumb af* Being an uptight edgy prude is the only highlight of my personality. (Insert Ch 40 joke) *rolls eyes* *simps* (yet another stupid Ch 40 joke, now laugh guys, so funny haha)

canon Matthias: Big grump with a kind heart. A tragedy in childhood made him get recruited by a hateful cult. Unlearnt the bigotry & left said cult even at the cost of being branded as a traitor by his beloved country, appears cold at first but is extremely loving & tender, hella brave & wants to do the right thing. Told a misogynistic line just once then revised his opinion & started respecting the warrior sides of Nina & Inej. The only one in the group who cared for a pregnant lady. Stoic & strong, patriotic & heroic soldier, faithful & religious, believes his country can do better. Loves Nina whole-heartedly, notices Jesper & Wylan falling in love & never harbors homophobic feelings against them.

#grishaverse #six of crows #books & libraries #pjo tumblr #bookaholic #books and reading #bookstagram

[sweetestpopcorn]

Hey popcorn, do you like Sansa? Thoughts on her? What would you like to tell the Jonsa stans.

I have heard so much from Dany antis, that Dany is unsuited for Jon, her temper, her actions. Now I'm a great Dany fan, don't care at all about Jon and his arc, and not a fan of Jonerys. How is their pairing bad Incestuous but Jonsa a good Incestuous pairing - something Ned stark would have approved of.

Hi there 🤗

Well those are a lot of questions XD

I do like bookSansa, not showSansa (not a fan of Sophie or how Sansa was written in the show, sorry), but bookSansa I do. In a way I think she is a good representation of how self centred young people are and how they will hurt others significantly without that being their intention. I like flawed characters like her as I think they feel very real. And back in the days of seasons 1 and 2 most people I knew couldn’t stand her. I had a friend who called her Sonsa instead of Sansa (sonsa is Portuguese for a person who is kind of fake and posing). And my general impression was that people were too hard on her. Yes we have other young characters, sometimes younger, that are not immature like Arya and Dany, but to me the surprise isn’t someone Sansa’s age acting like she did, it’s someone of Arya and Dany’s ages acting so mature and having such a deep understanding of the world and such a high emotional intelligence.

At the same time, I also feel for the tragedy of her story. She had a highly privileged and sheltered life that did not prepare her for what the world would throw her way, and the mistakes she made all came with a very high disproportional cost. I feel this is true of many of us out there. Our parents try to protect us, but in protecting us too much they do not prepare us for life, and this makes growing up much more painful. 

Besides this I also like that her story mostly focuses on court drama #dramaalert which as y'all know I LIVE FOR THE DRAMA; and many of the characters around her are very VERY interesting like Little Finger and Myranda Royce which is a queen - if only Rhea Royce was like her, Daemon's marriage wouldn't have been such a sh:t show XD change my mind!

So all in all, I am interested in her story and I am here to see her trying to seduce Harry the Heir like #majordramaalert and what exactly Little Finger will do next.

Do I think she will ever be queen or queen of the North?

But I still want to see how it goes for her yes 😂

As for Jonsas…

First, I see no problem with people having crackships. Like ship whomever you want I don’t care 🛳⛴🚢 as long as you don’t come to me and make or want to force me to also like it. I don’t care what you like. I might be puzzled at a few choices but it’s a free country so what I think of other people’s ships is my issue not theirs. Personally in the asoiaf series, I don’t think I have any non canon ships currently (though in the past I did like the Theon/Sansa pairing in a like weird AU - don’t you dare judge me). And this was WAY before season 5 btw so not show induced. In other series I do like some crackships, like in Harry Potter I love the Hermione/Draco crackship especially in movie canon and I blame the incredible chemistry Tom and Emma had because WoW the possibilities. Plus a slytherin and a griffindor together makes all the sense in the world but ok JK 🙄 have it your way 😂

Second, around the time of seasons 1 and 2 when I wanted some fanfiction the majority of pairings I saw were either Dany/Jorah (wtf was wrong with the world 🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮 oh wait this is the same world who ships Rhaenyra with Criscel… yeah makes sense) or Dany/Jon. I also saw a lot of Arya/fAegon. Like vast vast majority.

I don’t remember ever seeing a Jon/Sansa fic and in fact, I remember I was not only shocked at more recently finding out how many people shipped them (good for you if you like them and can see it) but how they actually (trying not to laugh here and failing) tried to justify it with the books?!

Hello?! Excuse me?! Did we read the same sh:t?!!!!

How?! Just… just how?!

Like back to me for a moment, I love Draco/Hermione fics (movie based ok? In the books he was pure trash, Tom made Draco so much more charming and funny), but I am not going to try and justify this with book or movie material (past the actors looking good together). I accept this only exists in an AU. The fact that Jonsas try to justify it it’s just… and the abuse they inflict on ACTUAL people because of a crackship is nothing short of disgusting.

What I would say to them you ask?

Nothing. I don’t know them. I don’t want to know them. They do them and I do me.

What I would say to everyone, however, is, you don’t have a right to go and pester others. You just don’t. Nor to insult someone because you don’t agree with them. Nor to chase them. Stay in your lanes. Like is it so hard so see something you don’t like and just unfollow or block the person? What gives you the right to insult someone to their faces and stalk them to no end?

Fandom is something for us to enjoy. We should focus on what we love not what we hate. We should try to find people who share our views or that we can have healthy debates with. And it is absolutely not ok to bully others.

I think when something is doing us more harm than good it’s when we have to stop. And this is what I advise many Dany antis who spent more time obsessing over her than their faves. But this is my view. I would never go into another person’s blog to tell them this and I appreciate that if I bother any of you, you make good use of the block/unfollow button. Friendly reminder that I do not answer haters or trolls <3 I laugh at them and delete. I come here to have fun not fights, and if I want a fight, I have one face to face. I put my money where my face is and I am not a keyboard warrior.

Now to end this on the positive note of wincest ❤, again, I struggle to understand how anyone who is bothered by incest - even if it’s “only” cousin-cousin, uncle-niece, aunt-nephew - and big age differences and underaged marriages can appreciate the asoiaf series, I just do. Like dude, go watch/read something else, but don’t get outraged at things the author clearly enjoys writing about and does NOT portrait in a negative light. 

Also friendly reminder to any anti-targ fan who is a fan of other houses and that is very bothered by incest that house Stark had two uncle-niece marriages. You’re welcome besties <3

Also, also, Anon let me hug you because I am a major Dany fan that - at the risk of being cancelled - admits they don’t care about Jon all that much. I mean, it’s the Dany show I am here for all the way!

All the best to you Anon! And sorry that I took so long to answer 🤗

#we stan a dany stan anon #anon don't try to understand crazies #I swear to god this fandom is the gift that keeps on giving #the jokes make themselves #not tagging this #popcorn answers

[typicalhippiegirl]

Let's talk about something.

First off, I'm not putting this messed up, peely, gross looking tattoo up for anyone to judge (I'm not happy with it either). I'm putting this out there to help others learn from my mistakes & hopefully prevent them from going thru what I've been dealing with.

There's a tattoo expo coming to town with featured artists from out of town. I find one thru IG whose work looks clean & I like her style so I DM her about setting an appt. Shes got time this weekend yay! no waiting for the expo. -Do you see the mistakes I made already? It's so obvious to me now😓

Saturday's here, I head to the shop (for the first time) for the appointment & the moment I walk in it's like Uh, wtf? Half the shop is taped off & in the middle of a remodel (no dust or active working, just shit all moved around). I brush it off, theyre getting things ready for an expo right? They need people tattooing there, not playing pool so ya, no wonder it's a bit messy.

Next she shows me the stencil and its fuckin huge. Like I specifically said between 6-8 inches max bc it's going on my forearm & i'm not Stretch Armstrong. Shes like Oh I kept it between 8 & 10. Well ya didn't fuckin listen bc what woman has arms that long? So it's resized & idk what we were casually talking about but she def rolled her eyes at me. Look man, I'm a pretty easy going person and depending on the situation I may take a slight without saying shit. Also like low self confidence helps with that right? So anyway, at the point I should have been like Alright dude, we're not really clickin & I'm not feelin this anymore & walked TF out. I didnt. Like an idiot. I'm not gonna lie, part of it was losing put on the deposit the other part was just me telling myself it would be fine despite in my heart of hearts I knew it wasn't.

So we start. Yo, she's a Fuckin. Bitch. I wanted a theme right, this chick is supposed to be a Texas pinup, I wanted certain colors in her clothes. I asked "What colors are we thinking for her?" She actually scoffed and says "These ones" while motioning at her cups. Wow. Ok, well, fuck I don't want to ask her anything anymore so I shutup & go with it.

This shit HURTS. I'm not a pussy when it comes to pain. I have several tattoos, including fingers, toes and a whale that was particularly painful because it goes directly over my very bony shin. I've been cut, I've had a baby without drugs. Mags remind me of getting a razor cut and I find pleasure in the feeling. I can tolerate some pain and this shit sucked. Yo, at the end she switched down to a single needle and that was KILLER. I felt like I was being carved into (which, if you'd ever seen my back you'd know, I know the feeling).

Alright so finally we're finished & I roll into the next day. I'm a bit worried about the appearance and not just bc she looks like she broke her leg. It looks wet. I continue my aftercare as normal: antibac soap & aquaphor. Day 2 I'm researching infections bc it's super painful, red but mostly it's wet. I'm afraid of infection also bc this chick had the trash can right next to the station. I mean Right. Fuckin. Next to it. To the point that the trashcan lid fell onto the pad where my arm is. I want to ask her to move it but she's in such a bad mood I think it'll just make things worse & she'll be even rougher. By day 3 I've tried antibac goo & it seems to make my skin bubble where its been applied so I quickly quit using that. My arm hurts so badly at this point I cant put it down without getting shooting pains up my arm. I let it dry out so things are crusty but at least I don't find them medically disturbing. Regardless, I spend a lot of this day crying. Day 4 I'm still researching infection and come across overworked tattoos, scars & "hamburgering" My heart pretty much drops bc this is it, this is what's going on. What's even more fucked up is that I find this on forums for people learning to tattoo. Like apprentice's first few tattoos having this problem. Rookie shit, ya hear?😑

The pictures are from day 5. You can see splitting along the black lines, there's holes in the sun & near her belt. Oh and that's a thing. The hole is the sun is bc somehow a drop of green got in there so she went over it and over it and over it again with more red. Can you imagine my frustration at that point?

So look, I got this done Saturday, here it is Friday. My skin is very shiny and puckery where the peeling has come off. The scabs are thick af, I've only been moisturizing the places safe to so as of today almost everything but the cactus. Did I mention my arm still really hurts? I can't straighten it, there's pains that shoot out from the center, and why why why is my bicep sore?! I'm really worried about how the cactus is going to turn out. My skin looks bumpy between the cracks of scab. I think she used a crappy cheap green. I'm really left wondering about her experience as a tattoo artist. I'm just saying: My first tattoo was done by a scratcher in a dirty apartment bedroom. He did such a shitty job that I took the machine from him & finished it myself. Might I mention I was 16 and completely coked out of my mind? Also, I didn't hamburger myself and there was no scarring over that disaster of a tattoo (which thankfully no longer exists thanks to the aforementioned painful whale)

This whole thing has fuckin sucked. I don't want anybody else dealing with this. Let me outline some things I should have done differently so if you find yourself in the same situation you can make better decisions than I did.

1. If you're looking on IG for an artist make sure they also post healed pics not just fresh ones.

2. If you're not vibing with your artist it's ok so call it off. Look, a 60$ deposit aint shit to lose in the grand scheme of things, can you get a cover up for 60$? How about bad work or a bad experience lasered off? You can't get those deals, oh who knew? Sometimes losing money is saving it.

3. Don't get shit from travelling artists. Maybe they woke up a 3am & drove 8 hours & now they don't give a shit about anything but going home.

4. If the shop doesn't look great, walk out. Again, whats 60$ compared to your health and happiness?

This is a long post & it's not something I usually post about (lol who am I kidding? Personal tragedies are kinda my thing). It's embarrassing. I'm embarrassed how she came out, I'm embarrassed I didn't speak up, I'm embarrassed I didn't just go to the person I knew could give me a good tattoo. It wasn't even about money, I didn't get a deal on this pinup mess. All I can do is move on. Thank goodness this wasn't my first piece or I may have been totally turned off from getting anymore ink. Now all I can do is continue my aftercare, hope for the best and when the time comes I'll go visit Vinny at American Tradition and get something else on the backside of my arm to distract from this mess.

Much love my inked up friends❤

Hey and if this speaks to you like you've been in this situation or are currently in it, feel free to DM me.

#tattoo #tattoo help #tattoo problems #lets talk about that #hamburgering tattoo #tattoo scar #fucked up tattoo #bad tattoo

[woobie-wan]

I had 3 bad dreams last night. I'll write them down even though I'm 200% over having bad dreams.

I was locked in a dark room by myself for a month. My friend found me and let me out. I said that I was thirsty but it seemed suspect that the whole time I was in there I had no food, water, and I never needed to go to the washroom.

A plague was ravaging the world, but it wasn't like Covid-19. It looked more like the black death, where portions of your body turn black like burnt toast. Anyway, people with this disease were voluntarily mass-incinerating themselves. (I'd like to mention we have totally effective treatments for the black death now so this is obviously not an appropriate response.)

Then Dean and Sam were trying to help a black family with this same disease. The brothers were also suffering with visible swelling on their heads. They all got to an apartment, but then the mom sprayed Lysol on her baby and Sam was like WTF?!?

I woke up.

I'm not some expert dream analyst but I reckon the first dream was about how just because I'm asexual and non-binary doesn't mean that I don't have human needs and wants. I already knew this, but I guess I needed reminding?

The second dream is mostly how I can't reconcile plagues and apocalyptic suffering and tragedy with the character of Christ and I don't ever want to. Jesus is not a sadist.

The third dream - I guess it's a commentary on the USA and their neglect of their own people during a pandemic and before. All the people who have died because they can't afford essential medical care, or medication. I know this is not an America-only problem, but y'all have these megalomaniacs hoarding incredibly ridiculous amounts of wealth while good people die because they bought crap insulin at Walmart. It's so evil.

I'm over the idea that Americans are more stupid, or that they resort to weird 'folk remedies' out of anything other than desperation. I think rather you've been terrorized and gaslighted by capitalism for centuries. Sometimes I watch YouTubes of Americans living on the raggedy edge while still defending a system that doesn't care about them at all as if their lives depend on billionaires getting richer and all I see is the Stockholm syndrome now.

That nobody helped you or your family and you had to struggle to survive by the skin of your teeth is really sad; not a good thing. It's not positive. It hurt you and still hurts you. And it might make you hurt others if you don't deal with it for real.

#dreams #faith #america

[mmecolbert]

I'm so glad that you don't like the revival very much either. I think the main flaw was that ASP refused to let her characters grow at all because she wanted to show she still knew how to write them. So they didn't grow AT ALL in 10 years. Her logic to L&L not being married or having kids is likely that she didn't want it to happen off-screen but resulted in a super unhealthy relationship.

oh, anon, don’t let me get started on that revival because that would be a 20,000 word rager. literally the only thing I liked about the revival was Alexis and Matt not-so-subtly shading it every chance they got after it came out and Milo doing everything he fucking can to distance himself from ever playing Jess again. 

except for Emily’s story, every story was a mess. every character’s story and character progression got shafted. there was no progress in ten years! everyone’s dreams were shattered. the tone was fucking depressing (not helped by the fact that the thesis of AYITL seems to be “you think your life sucks now? wait 10 years, when all your hopes and expectations completely, definitely, irreversibly die”). the weird millennials are lazy, entitled losers sub story was ignorant and insulting. the jokes didn’t work. the offensive jokes REALLY didn’t work. the odd stage direction that made everyone look like they’re in a dress rehearsal for a stage play was shit (did you notice how oddly stiff everyone looked and moved? I DID). the post-production colouring (why the fuh is everyone grey-blue in winter?) was atrocious. there was no story consistency from the original series. nothing about the missing 10 years was explained. the explanation for why sookie was missing was crap, why lane was working at the antique shop was missing, an explanation into wtf was going on with Rory and Logan was REALLY missing, why luke and lorelai can’t EVEN TELL EACH OTHER ABOUT GOING TO THERAPY was missing, etc, etc. ASP and Dan did no research about the state of journalism as a profession (to explain why rory, a yale graduate with extensive connections in the journalism world couldn’t figure out how to publish stories in 2016 or, um, i dunno, use wordpress????), they made no effort to fill us in on the lives of any of the characters, they somehow made every character static, AND FUCK ME I DON’T CARE ABOUT SUTTON FOSTER, I AM NOT WATCHING THE GILMORE GIRLS REVIVAL FOR SUTTON FOSTER. rory became an automaton who seems to have lost any and all attachment to her grandfather…and the last remaining magnetic pull of her moral compass. the Gilmores’ money situation, which in the original series was badly explained at best, MADE NO SENSE IN THE REVIVAL AT ALL. if dan and amy couldn’t keep their details consistent between the original and the revival, ok, maybe i can let it slide, BUT THE REVIVAL WAS INCONSISTENT TOO! does rory have a car or doesn’t she? does she have a licence? who the fuck is funding her london trips? wasn’t it actually Martha’s vineyard that Richard and Emily loved so much? who cares, let’s watch a musical for 15 minutes for no fucking reason. we’ll just then make lauren cry a couple of times to distract from the fact that none of her emotional or relationship problems the stories in the revival make ANY FUCKING SENSE. oh, you know what else made no sense??? why being pregnant at 32 is supposed to be a tragedy. you love the guy? fuck, go have his kid, get married, enjoy his connections THAT WILL HELP YOU WITH YOU FUCKING CAREER. don’t love the guy? don’t wan’t the kid? YOU HAD A PLANNED PARENTHOOD POSTER, DON’T PRETEND YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT ABORTIONS. and to top off the whole shitty ass piece of garbage crap pile, after everything, LORELAI DIDN’T INVITE EMILY TO HER (REAL) WEDDING. YOU LOST YOUR FATHER, DID YOU LEARN NOTHINNNGGGG????? 

i need a valium

#i'm sorry about this stream of consciousness garbage #and believe me there's more i'm upset about but i need a nap now #asked/answered #gilmore girls revival #a year in the life

[neednewbrain-blog]

Don't be me. Find your worth.

I haven't found mine. Trust me, but I know it's out there. My mind will believe that I'm worth it one day. I bet you're all wondering where this is going and most of you read past this point. Hell, most of you won't read this at all. I'm going to tell you all a story of the biggest mistake I've ever made. Like every story someone tells you, I thought I was doing the right thing at the time. You probably won't see how I thought that though. It all started the day I was born. I know, that's when it technically started for everyone. Ever since I was young I can remember being the most shy kid you've ever seen. I wouldn't talk to anyone and got forbid if you tried to hold a conversation with me. To put it simply, I was always told I was just shy and that I would grow out of it or that I had to grow up and be a man because not talking to people unacceptable. Well, I was the shy kid in school. Everyone knew that. That was my label. I was in middle school, around 8th grade I think, when the I thought about suicide for the first time. I was only 13 years old. I was just being a dramatic teenager. I was hanging out with my so called friends playing PlayStation or something that 13 year olds do. (I know what you're thinking, I thought he was supposedly really shy, how did he have friends? Well, I played sports and I was pretty good at them so people tend to like athletes). Anyways, back to the story. While we were playing, my friends tried to get one of their older sisters to sit on my lap and talk to me because they thought it would be funny. I asked her to get off of me, I felt really uncomfortable with the situation. I didn't know this girl and I was shy so I got up when she was on my lap causing her to fall on the ground. She stormed away angrily and everyone laughed at me. I left the house, got on my bike and went home. I was thinking that it would pass and then laughing at me was just a one time thing...boy was I wrong. Turns out they all started spreading the roomer around school that I was gay. Okay, everyone's been called gay before and it's the 21st century, it's okay to be gay, but the only problem is that I wasn't gay...I wasn't gay and I didn't want to be made fun of for being gay. So that lead to my very first suicidal thought. A little over dramatic, right? I know. High school comes along and I'm thinking it'll get better. Girls start talking to me. They ask for my number, they come to my sports events, they want to get to know me. They like me? No ones ever wanted to know me. Why would they want to? I figured it out. I started working out in high school, I got really in shape. I had abs. I lifted weights daily and played sports. Okay, so maybe it's not that bad for people to notice you. It's new. It's exciting that someone is saying good things about you for once. Let's give it a shot. Let's go out with this girl that is so interested in getting to know me. What could happen? We've been texting fine and having decent conversations. We'll she's older than me so she has her license and I don't so she picks me up. I know it sounds bad. The girl picking the guy up? Just terrible. I was excited though do I didn't care. It was my first date!!! We were going to the movies....perfect for me, you don't have to talk a lot while your watching the movie. She gets to my house and texts me that she's outside. I walk out my front door and instantly freeze up on the inside when I see her. (I was expecting no one to be there, I was actually hoping she would drive away.) I was more nervous than ever. So I go and eat into the passenger seat of the car and say "hi, how are you?" hahaha god I suck at talking to anyone, let alone females. This is the start of an awful night. It's gets to the point where she asks me "what's wrong?" because she thinks I'm upset about something because I'm not talking to her. The night ends terribly. We end up talking about my cousin because she knows him too. That's really the only thing I was able to talk about the whole night and end up telling her to date him...smooth right? Wrong. She proceeds to go and tell everyone of her girlfriends about the tragedy that was my first date. She begins to repeatedly tell them that it is a shame that someone can be so attractive and not have any personality and that there is no point in me being around with that combination. To just give my attractiveness to someone that is able to talk to girls. So remember that roomer from 8th grade? Yeah, it came back. The second time I thought about it ending it all. I believed them, they had to be right. Why would I live when I couldn't talk? There's two minor examples of my life. Not so bad, right? It made me hate myself. It made me hate that I couldn't talk to people. It made me hate that My brain wouldn't work correctly when someone tried to have a conversation with me. I couldn't talk so I couldn't live. I never got invited to parties in high school. Who would invite me? I wouldn't be any fun. I couldn't please anyone. College is up next. I got a girlfriend!?!? What? How? I found someone that I could talk to. The first time ever I was able to talk to a girl. She has to be the one, very wrong. I never trusted someone as much as I did her until she cheated on me. Her reason? It was just a stupid relationship. We both knew it wasn't going to last. It was my first girlfriend, I just had puppy love for her because she's the only one I've ever "loved." That doesn't last, right? So I still have football. I haven't mentioned football was my whole life yet. My life revolved around the sport. Everything I did, I thought of how it would impact me playing football. So I graduate college. What does that mean? Football is over. Oh I didn't mention that the week after my gf broke up with me, I had a disgusting injury that kept me out of my senior year of football. Wow did life suck. I was older and smarter then. I didn't think about death this time. I learned that life is more than that, for now. I graduate school and have a new gf. Yay for me! Am I learning how to speak to people? Maybe a little bit. I'm 22 for gods sake. I should know how. This is when life goes south. I don't know what happened but I was certain that I was going to end it all one night. I had a plan. Wtf was wrong with me!?!? I didn't even know but I was in a dark place in the worst way. An old friend contacted me and said that I was in one of her dreams so she decided to see how I was doing. Okay cool. I'll go to lunch and catch up with her but I'm nervous. I'm shy. I don't know how to talk to woman. Not her. I could talk to her right away. She had a thing about that said she wouldn't judge you. I don't know how but I could feel it. I could talk to her but I had a gf. Was I doing something wrong? I love my gf. I can't enjoy my time with another girl, can I? Fuck it. I don't care anyways. I won't be here for much longer is what I think. I don't have a purpose in life so I might as well not have a life. My gf suspects something because I'm telling her that I'm depressed and not talking to her much anymore. So what do I do? I tell her that I cheated on her. I hadn't actually cheated on her but I told her I did. She should hate me before I end it all, right? That would make it a lot easier for her. She breaks up with me as I expected and tells everyone what I did. Why wouldn't she? I told her I cheated on her. My thoughts of not being here anymore grow in my brain. It's the right thing. So what do I do? I start messing around with the friend from the past. We actually have a great time but we drink A LOT. Basically everyday. We each would get a handle of liquor and finish it to ourselves. I was partying until the end until I realized that I had everything I needed in life and I let that go. I told her I did the worst thing in the world. I cheated on her. I betrayed her trust. That's what she thought and all her friend and family thought too. How can I get her back? I have this realization that I know what I need in life and that is her. She's my happiness. I think that she won't take me back so I continue to mess around with this childhood friend for a few months until one day she texts me...omg what do I do? Whatever she wants me to do. I'll do anything. So that's what I did. Now we have been back together for a few months now. I still haven't talked to her family or friends. It's just me and her and she's growing frustrated with me not facing her family and apologizing to them for hurting her. What do I do? Do I just go on with life and her thinking that I cheated? Or do I tell her the embarrassing truth? I hate that I know everything she did after she broke up with me. She had sex with multiple people that I know. She even had a one night stand. Something we both agreed we'd never do. Do I tell her? Do I just let her think that I did cheat? Don't get me wrong. I am not a saint at all. I slept with that childhood friend of mine soon after she broke it off with me.

#my life #love #story #serious question #i'm good now #long story #doesn't make sense