#and Caleb’s martyrdom

[thealternatemind]

“but if you love us

choose a younger bed

for i cannot bear

to live with you when i am the older one”

- sappho fr. 121, as translated by anne carson

#i never post my art on tumblr but this poem rly rly made me think of them #and Caleb’s martyrdom #wanting to leave essek as he ages but essek not allowing that #essek is from a society where reincarnation is the norm #age gap relationships don’t bug him at all #and he loves caleb deeply #and i choose to believe he stays by Caleb’s side till caleb dies #despite Caleb’s whole self sacrificing ‘oooooh I’m gonna die first’ #anyway please be kind like I said I never post my art on here and I’m nervous to do so #critical role #caleb widogast #essek thelyss #shadowgast #critical role fanart

[anistarrose]

[Image description: screenshot from The Owl House of King saying: "No one wants to think they've wasted their life following the wrong person." End description.]

The thing about rewatching Hollow Mind, after the finale, is realizing this sentiment isn't just about Belos's followers, or about Luz initially looking up to Philip. In fact, it's just as much about Belos himself.

No one wants to admit you spent years chasing a brother who didn't want to go home. Who wasn't the witch hunter he once claimed to be. Who, in every reincarnation, still won't become the person you wanted him to be.

No one wants to admit that — for the centuries you saw yourself as following your God, doing what He required of you to save humanity's souls, and wipe out the Devil's witchcraft — that you were the only one doing evil. That your devout faith and countless sacrifices were misplaced, and that your former home has moved on from witch hunts anyway.

No one would want to admit any of that, and in combination with Belos's personal obsession with being a hero, it becomes clear he was never going to admit it. Not even on his deathbed. Because that would be nearly four hundred wasted years on his conscience, four hundred years of following the wrong people, and how could he possibly let himself believe that?

#the owl house #toh spoilers #emperor belos #philip wittebane #toh meta #caleb wittebane #this is one of several reasons why complaints about the finale like #“but belos should've realized he was wrong and died regretting his actions!” #don't really hold water to me #he is a foil to caleb and hunter and lilith and luz and literally everyone who undergoes positive character development #he is so deep in the sunk cost fallacy that he would rather die a martyr than face the reality of what he's done #and that's also why his end was so... what some people call anticlimactic but what i prefer to just call pathetic #they're not giving him a dramatic martyrdom sequence. they're just letting the rain do most of the work and smearing him out a little

[haleigh-sloth]

Toga is a liar

Let's talk about Toga this chapter, and also Toga during MVA. Because once again her words do not align with the pictures on the page. Horikoshi has not stopped making Toga unreliable--yet.

Cannot use the official page for this one point because of Caleb's trash translation, but the point to be made here is that Toga outright admits that she has been lying to herself this whole time:

She tried to pretend everything was fine. In MVA you see what is clearly unreliable narrating. "I'm not miserable! Not me!" on top of pictures of her clearly being haunted by her past.

Curious forced her to face her demons.

However, martyrdom is not how you relay a message, so Curious ultimately lost the physical battle. But she clearly understood Toga's pain and hit the nail on the head.

Now we get to the current chapter where once again, literally nothing Toga says aligns with what is on the page.

Toga says that the LOV will create a world that is easy for her to live in, and yet, despite that being all she's wanted, she's supposedly ready to leave the world behind in order to save Ochacko. So what does this mean?

It means Toga knows the truth. She knows the world that's coming is not the world she wants. Sure, maybe it'll be a world where she can do what she wants, but it's not the world she wants. What makes this particularly obvious is how disconnected her recent memory of the League is from reality. Twice is dead. She believes Touya is dead. Tomura is out of commission as far as she's concerned (also his hand being over his face is an interesting detail I need to think more on). Toga says "that's a world I can live in", and then says "I'm going to leave this world behind, despite what I've been wanting coming soon."

Toga doesn't believe what she wants can actually happen. It's not coming, she knows it. The acceptance she had from the LOV sustained her and made it easier for her to live for the time being, but ultimately it isn't the world she wanted. Because the world Toga wants doesn't involve everyone she loves and cares about dying. It doesn't involve all of the people who accept her dying. And so far, that's all she's gotten.

Toga being ready to die shows just how little faith she has in the possibility of her living how she wants in a world she WANTS. A world where she's free, loving and living how she wants, and isn't losing people she loves.

Really, her words here indicate that now she got what she wanted, but it came too late. The presence of "IF" and “MAYBE” is a big tell of this mindset.

Even with this break through, the entire time Toga never really had faith she could live how she wanted. The LOV promised a world easy to live in--a world where she does what she wants, and watches her friends and people who accept her die. That's the world that was promised, and that's the world being delivered to her right now, which is not what she wants.

So she rejects that world and saves something important to her, and plans to die in the process because she doesn't see a world where she can really live. Hence "IF" in her words, IF she had found love sooner. The next step is the big picture showing Toga that it's ready to accept her. Which is more of an effort involving showing Gentle and La Brava, Lady Nagant, the Todorokis with Touya, Izuku with Tomura, Aizawa with Shiragiri, Shoji with Spinner (maybe lol still unclear where that’s going), etc. Just showing the effects of saving on others and that it’s possible to keep going.

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha 395 #bnha meta #ish #toga himiko #league of villains

[grayintogreen]

WIP WEDNESDAY

I thought i wasn't going to have anything for YCDHN that wasn't spoilery, but I was WRONG (aka I finished something today), so have some Veth and Caleb!

-

Caleb put the mansion up in the parlor of Kindunos Keep and left everyone to scatter to their own devices. Molly and Yasha had pulled back from everyone in the aftermath, despite Molly’s insistence that there was nothing either of them had to be ashamed of beyond his frustrating act of martyrdom in the King’s Cage. He had dismissed it as the two of them needing time alone together to heal from an experience only the two of them (and Lucien, presently off with the Tombtakers) understood.

Exhausted and drained, Caleb collapsed in the study with Frumpkin scarfed around his neck. He bent double in his chair and rubbed his cheek against his cat’s fur and contemplated the floor until a pair of dainty halfling feet appeared in his eyeline.

“Well, we won,” Veth said, casually. He looked up into her eyes and saw the relief and weariness there.

“For now. We will be going to Cognouza soon.”

“I don’t wanna think about that tonight.” She crawled up into the chair with him and he shifted to make room for her so that she was squeezed tightly between his skinny frame and the side of the chair.

“Would that I could,” he replied, dismally. “I cannot stop thinking about it. Or Trent, for that matter.”

Veth frowned like she’d just been reminded of something- like a rock in a shoe that you only noticed when you stand up. “That boy back in Vergessen…”

Caleb squeezed his eyes shut. “That was a mistake.”

“No, it wasn’t. He almost killed you because you hesitated.” She laid a hand on his chest, twisting so she could look at him. “He tried to kill you, so you retaliated. It doesn’t matter that he was just a boy.”

“He looked just like me.” Caleb dragged his hands down his face. “We were the same and I could do nothing. I could not convince him that he was making a mistake.”

Her fingers fisted in his shirt. “You can’t force people to change their minds, Caleb. It’s not your fault if they don’t listen.”

It didn’t feel that way. It felt like the continued existence of the Volstrucker program was entirely his fault because he had run instead of trying to meet Trent head-on, focused so much on the past that he let the future stagnate. Instead of helping those like him, he had blown them up and that led to this new batch of young eldritch knights. Trent had to have known what he was doing when he selected his new army. They were built specifically to combat the Nein. That was, objectively, his fault. Had he not killed most of the Volstrucker, there would be no need. No matter which victims he picked out of Trent’s collection, he felt responsible for all of them.

“I could have done more,” he whispered.

Veth swung around so that she was standing on his lap, her boots digging painfully into his thighs. She gripped his collar and dragged his face up to meet hers. There was a cold fury in her eyes, rimmed by the bright aquamarine of the spirals around her eyes. “Listen to me, Caleb Widogast. I need you to look me in the eye and promise me something right here, right now. We’re going to run into those kids again and I know how much it hurts- I saw my boy in him too- but they’re killers. We don’t have to slaughter them, but I won’t let you stand down and let them slaughter you because you blame yourself for them existing.”

He’d forgotten how easy he was for her to read. He blinked at her, lost in the brown of her eyes the same way he used to get lost in the gold of Nott’s eyes. The same woman stared back at him no matter what. Gods, how he loved her.

He pulled her into an embrace, sending Frumpkin shifting slightly to make room for her. He would have wept, but he was too tired too. “You are too good for me, Veth the Brave. I have half a mind to send you back to your husband. You do not need to keep going. There are so many following us as is.”

“And we need all of them, including me.” She pulled back, just as he started to feel the dampness of her cheeks. Subtly, she wiped the tears away. “I thought about it. I thought about asking for just a night with them- one night before the end of the world.” She sighed. “But I can’t do that to them. I can’t give myself over for one night and then go back to this. I promised Yeza that the next time I saw him, I wouldn’t walk away again.”

The proof that she was going to eventually leave him hurt more than it should have, especially knowing how badly he wanted her safe. No more mothers burned up to leave their sons bereft- he would not see that boy grow up with an ache and a resentment in his belly that might lead him towards darker dreams. Caleb Widogast, consummate selfish bastard, could guilt with the best of them, but he also wanted it all. He wanted Veth in his life and he wanted her with her family. He wanted his friends safe and free of him and his poison but he needed to be around them. He wanted the Empire and wanted it to grow without his claws sinking into it. He studied at the school of contradictions and all it ever did was make him feel muddled and listless.

He would feel better when he had a task. This break was necessary, but if he didn’t keep moving, he would die. That was how it had always been.

Veth was tired. She needed this to stop. Above all else, including making sure Molly was liberated from the Somnovem and never had to worry about being something he’d never asked to be, he needed Veth to get back home to her family. It was not a statement about his love for Molly so much as it was a testament to how intense his love for her was. It was no different than how Molly was with Yasha. “I will promise you that I will not falter if you will promise me something.” He cupped her hands and rubbed the teartracks from her face. “If things begin to turn. If it becomes too dangerous where we are going… You must let me send you back home to them. I will save a spell for it.”

She looked like she wanted to say no, but the thing that made her and Caleb so close was a mutual selfishness. Her only compromise to what she wanted versus what she believed she was meant to say was to let it hang there for a moment, like it was a more difficult choice than she knew it was going to be. “I promise.”

#wip wednesday #cr fic #cr fanfic #you can't deny high noon #my writing

[fourstrandsofrope]

The issue for me with Belos's death is actually exactly what you touched on in your post--Belos viewing his death as a sort of martyrdom. Even when he's unceremoniously stomped to death, this doesn't change his view that he has always been right, so if this is supposed to avoid Belos viewing himself as a martyr for his cause, for me it falls flat too. An actual humiliating death for Belos would be one where he is forced to acknowledge before he dies that everything he has done has been for nothing, that he murdered his own brother again and again for hundreds of years for nothing. They even hinted that this is where his story was going in For the Future when he hallucinates Caleb and the Grimwalkers, demonstrating that he does feel extreme guilt as well as doubt that he is actually doing the right thing, and that the mental walls he has put up to avoid these feelings are starting to break down.

You have a point. I was merely trying to say that I was satisfied with his "manner of death" being unceremonious, but you have a point that the "lead-up to the death" could have used a greater emotional payoff.

#toh spoilers #the owl house #emperor belos #belos #toh belos

[sagaofstardustmkg]

TERMINUS | DRAGOM | TRIAL 5.2 | RE: MIZUKABE

Dragom has been through an emotional wringer the past few months...Many things have worn his heart...The suffering of those that sit with him in this trial room, his despair turning into a plot that resulted in his own murder, and more than anything else, the one that continues to pluck the strings of his heart so hard they are close to tearing is the one next to him.

Haruki Okumura. 

[♫♫♫]

For so much time, Dragom has kept his negative emotions under the surface...he doesn't like being angry, he doesn't like being upset. He pushes those away whenever they come up...so that he can be a pillar for the one that he cares about more than anyone else. 

There are many things that Haruki has done that has upset Dragom, but none of it was anything that didn't work itself out. None of it was things that would leave a lasting anger in Dragom, everything was something that was quickly overwritten by his joy at being together with Haruki.

But there was still one thing...one thing that continues to persist no matter what Dragom does...no matter what he says...no matter how he tries...this thing won't stop. It isn't a problem that is solved easily...he knows that. He doesn't expect it to be solved overnight, he doesn't even expect it to be solved before he can never see Haruki again. 

Dragom just wants to see Haruki take a step...but it seems like he won't. No matter how many times they argue, no matter how many times they make up. No matter how many promises they make, no matter how many gifts they give. Haruki is standing still...

He won't pick up his foot...he won't take a step forward...Dragom is going to have to leave him behind and the last sight he will ever see of Haruki is his back...twitching with each hiccup that escapes his teary-eyed face...the last sound he will ever hear from Haruki is him in misery. Crying for what was lost...for what he can't have back...and Dragom will leave him...motionless and doomed.

From Haruki's mouth pours what Dragom only hears as lies. He didn't need to even hear from Mari and Caleb before already knowing this entire story of Haruki's was a lie...a lie steeped in the one thing that continues to frustrate Dragom...

The self-sacrifice...the twisted martyrdom...the complete lack of self-respect that makes Dragom want to scream at Haruki every time he hears it. Scream at him...He doesn't open his mouth...he moves from his spot. Dragom moves behind Haruki and while kneeling down he wraps himself around him...

Haruki would feel the shake of his body, the boiling rage that was why he had to take a spot behind Haruki...he didn't want to look directly at him while he spoke, he didn't want to see his tears...He needed to speak without Haruki's face pulling on his chest.

"How many times dae a gotta tell ye...Stop wit'this...Stop takin' everythin' on ye shoulders. Stop bein' so quick..."

He keeps his voice at a normal volume...he doesn't want to bust Haruki's ear drums after all...or anyone else's...for that matter. Dragom doesn't want to get angry...he just wants to express his anger...to the person that he loves...

"So quick t'take all th'blame an'throw yeself in fronta th'beast! Ye always jus'throwin' yeself out! Like ye naut worth a wee bitta shit! Ye offered yeself last time an'now ye sittin' here actin' like ye did everythin' when is all a crock a'shit!"

His wrap around the other tightened as his body continue to shake with an anger that wants to grow to the level it was the moment he saw Xueman after his trial.

"Stop lyin'! Stop shoulderin' all this by yeself! A know this motive was hard on ye...a know ye always so hard on yeself every single moment...a know ye sufferin'..."

Dragom knows the depths of Haruki's heart...everything that he feels...that he wants...Dragom knows it better than the back of his hand...He can't fix everything...Haruki needs to fix it...the most Dragom can do is be there for him. 

"But now ain't the time fer a't...Haruki ye were involved...a made m'own stupid plans...that's how a ended up leavin' ye behind. Ye still here...ye can help us...but stop lyin'...stop actin' like everythin' is ye fault. Ye not a murderer..."

Even if he feels like one. Even if he feels responsible...Dragom doesn't believe he is the one they have to vote for...He knows that he isn't. Dragom lets out a breath...

"If ye won't 'elp us Haru...We'll figure it out a'selves. But just stop...no one is votin' fer ye...stop throwin' ye life away at the drop of a branch."

That's the last thing he says before sighing and loosening his grip. He lifts his eye to look around at everyone in the room again...one of these people had to have been the one that Haruki assisted...one of them is keeping their mouth shut and would probably gladly let Haruki take the blame.

"The other person...gotta be someone Haru would wanna take th'blame fer...Though wit'him...Guess that dinnae narrow it down all tae much."

Dragom thought that he would take the blame for any of them...his guilt of simply existing was more than any one boy should hold...so Dragom holds him and hopes to help shoulder it. 

#ch5 #a dude

[wallfortune321]

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[theregoesmylurkerstatus]

Jester: What did you offer?

Nott: Nothing that would affect any of us. Other people.

Nott’s deeper morals are coming out full force this episode, and it’s fascinating. She really has that “I’m literally self-sacrificially loyal to my own, but if you’re not my own I’ll slit your throat for a chance to help them” thing going. We talk about Nott’s tendency towards martyrdom a lot (it’s literally built into her backstory), but she’s largely good because of the people she’s surrounded by.

She’s been happy to help, and helped as best she could, to bring about peace, to build up her friends, to give advice and make people laugh and do everything she can to get them where they want to be. She’s a mom! She loves her son! She loves her husband!

But she’s got a lot more capability for calculated destructive power than we give her credit for. She’s loyal and loving, but she doesn’t actually give a damn about the world. There’s a reason she and Caleb are best friends, a reason Nott and Caleb were out for themselves until the rest of the Nein wrapped them around the group’s collective finger.

She’ll take a hit from a dragon to let her friend get away, she’ll let herself be caught and drowned and changed to let her family get away, she’ll ignore her own desires because she wants to help the rest of her group more...

And when she’s asked to trade misery for her own happiness? Knowing damn well her friends would probably try to sacrifice for her, as they’ve tried so hard to help already?

Nott promises war.

It’s lucky her friends don’t want that, and that she listens to her friends.

#critical role #cr spoilers #c2e93 #ramblings #nott #speculation #this was such a 'holy shit' moment for me

[all-pacas]

anyway. i feel like, had jester’s gamble not worked — assuming things don’t get weird next episode — nott probably would have come away from the hag with the reaction of “well, that failed, we can’t break the curse, i guess i’m stuck forever.” because it’s easier, in a way — as much as she hates herself, it saves her from having to make a decision and self-actualize, and it allows her to keep her friends from doing anything for her sake she wouldn’t like or accept. (for fucking REAL. like nott would let beau sacrifice herself for her? on a meta level if marisha had been really determined i’m sure sam would have, but in game nott has the monopoly on reckless martyrdom!) so whoops! guess her decision is not to decide, and now she can let her relationships fall apart and be miserable and feel wrong, but feel justified in it, and not have to examine it, because she has no choice.

(see also: nott’s indecisiveness and fear of choices as a metaphor for a certain type of mental illness or depression, where it becomes easier to just sink because fighting is so. hard.)

but now? nott can’t use that excuse. and caleb can recast the spell whenever she wants. and she’s going to have to decide that, going to need to figure it out, because he’s either going to do it or suggest it, and she’s going to need to be able to say yes or no. nott is extraordinarily lucky, in a way, because she’s so good at evading difficult things and curses and beau’s family and so on made it very easy for her to do it. but she’s almost out of excuses. and someone is going to ask her what she wants, and soon.

[punkscowardschampions]

Buster & Rio

Buster: Where's Nance? Rio: She was with your parents last I saw Rio: but that was a while ago so Buster: Typical Buster: Oldest trick in the book for when she doesn't wanna talk to me Rio: Can't imagine why Buster: 'Course you can't Rio: 🙄 Buster: Yeah, like I was saying, always a pleasure Rio: Where? Buster: Exactly Rio: Hm Rio: I'll tell her you're looking for her, I guess Buster: Don't Buster: She'll find a new hiding place Rio: What have you done then? Buster: Cheers Buster: Really nice of you to assume it's all my fault Rio: you aren't the one hiding Buster: I'm not a pussy Buster: If something needs to get said, I'll say it Rio: That's why she's hiding then, I imagine Buster: I didn't ask you why, just where Rio: is it that pressing? Buster: What 'cause I'm gonna ruin all the fun she's having? Buster: You've got the wrong sister there, babe Rio: well it sounds like it Buster: I don't need your permission Rio: Why do you need to be a dick? Buster: To her or to you? Rio: Her, obviously Rio: It's not that deep Buster: I'm not being a dick to her Buster: I was last night, which is why I wanna talk to her Rio: Oh, so you wanna apologize Rio: you can't force her to accept it, probably wait for her to come out from wherever she is Buster: Did I say that? Buster: I've got nothing to be sorry for Rio: For God's sake Rio: I forgot how tiring you were Buster: It ain't my fault its been years since you've been able to keep up with me Rio: Please Rio: your memory is as selective as your participation Buster: Your memory is as unreliable as your mum's baby daddys Rio: I don't need this from you today Buster: Name a day you do need it, I'll check my calendar, like Rio: You're so unfunny Buster: I ain't the entertainment Buster: You wish Rio: Neither is my family Rio: sorry to disappoint Buster: It's alright, like I said, I'm used to you disappointing me Buster: Ancient history Rio: Heartbreaking Buster: It makes no odds to me if you can't hold your nerve, drink or your head high Buster: That's your problem Rio: None of which you'd know anything about Rio: you're the only one here with a problem, obviously Buster: Which one of us are you trying to convince? Buster: Either way, I'd work harder at it if I were you Rio: like permission, I definitely don't need your advice Rio: there's no need for conviction, you don't like me, I don't like you, it's simple Buster: There's every need for conviction when it's the pretence you're actually tired of Buster: I understand putting the one, big, happy family spin on things for the kids but we ain't that and you ain't supposed to buy into your own bullshit Buster: You don't wanna be here, don't put that on me Rio: Don't project your bullshit onto me Rio: You wouldn't know, because you don't, but I turn up to events Buster: Just own yours Buster: I know 'cause I can still read you, neither of us have to like it, but it's true Rio: Just leave me alone Rio: don't think about me Buster: Don't cry, you'll fuck up the photos Rio: You wish Buster: You wish I cared Rio: yeah Rio: pleasure, right Buster: [brings her a drink like drown your sorrows but doesn't stick around cos rude hoe] Rio: [gives it to her mans like no thank you] Buster: [LOL love that power move] Rio: [has to be done] Buster: [also how awkward that her man is at this fam function, please don't be cringe Caleb] Rio: [at least you're the least bothered in that sense, you know you bomb enough] Buster: [and you're your dad's fave too so best behaviour with you] Rio: [hopefully you're not looking as messy by this age sir] Buster: [good lord I hope not you'll be the one ruining those photos if you are] Rio: [just put him on the side so you can crop him out] Buster: [#mood and defs crop out shit nan] Rio: [she'll be on fine form, everyone hide she lives to shade] Buster: [Grace just crying cos she only a bab and she already getting shaded] Rio: [no prisoners baby] Buster: [no offense Meena but none of us are living rn] Rio: [soz your wedding is tense] Buster: [thank god there's not loads of them] Rio: [we been derailed though you two think of a flimsy excuse to talk again] Buster: [is Gus still alive or nah that's my last question I promise] Rio: [nah, if we said OG he died when Pablo, that's 22, so a year before the twins are born] Buster: [sad times] Rio: [okay so later, like a time that you've both had to be on it with the drinks etc] Rio: you find her? Buster: No Rio: you still want to? Buster: Forget it Buster: She wants to stay mad Rio: don't you approve of that though Buster: Of martyrdom? Fuck that Rio: nah Rio: being angry, doing your own thing Buster: If that was what she was doing Rio: well, she's with June, obviously Rio: but they seemed content enough Buster: Whatever Rio: Whatever then Rio: enjoy the remaining festivities Buster: Obviously Rio: not been that bad Rio: my nan thinks you're SO impressive, know you love that Buster: Compared to what? St Paddy's? Christmas? My 10th birthday? Buster: I know I'm impressive, I could give a fuck what she thinks Rio: What was wrong with your 10th birthday? Buster: What's wrong with any of them? It was just an example Rio: it sounded like some deep trauma you should repress is all Rio: maybe I already had, idk Buster: I can afford a good therapist, it'll be fine Rio: Yippee Buster: You don't have to lose any sleep over me, babe Buster: Dreams aside Rio: You've been working on your jokes Rio: glad you've spent your time wisely Buster: 'Course you are Buster: So invested in my success, yeah? Rio: Sure Rio: not that I spend enough time laughing at jokes that aren't funny without needlessly indulging you too or anything Buster: Dump your boyfriend then Buster: He's got fuck all going for him if he ain't funny Rio: How do you know I'm talking about him? Buster: Educated guess Buster: 'Cause I am Rio: Well you're wrong Rio: and my dad really isn't that funny Rio: or he thinks I'm still five Buster: I ain't wrong that he looks like he has to sign his name with a cross Buster: And I could've told you that, about your dad Rio: You're just being rude with no basis for it, but I'm not after help with my homework even if he was that thick so what would it matter Rio: I'm sure Rio: why didn't you offer you unnecessary, 'expert' opinion this time then? Buster: I have a solid basis for your lack of standards, but fair point, it doesn't really matter to me Buster: And 'cause you can't even accept my offer of a drink Rio: if high standards means being here alone, you can have it Rio: it wasn't an offer, it was parallel to assault with a 🍹 Buster: If you're that scared to be alone, I'll see you in the shrink's chair once we've given it at least a couple more years to let the trauma accumulate Buster: You never used to be so afraid of everything Rio: I'm no more scared of being alone than you're scared to be with someone Rio: what else am I meant to be afraid of? Buster: Other than acting like I threw a glass of straight brandy in your face? Rio: You weren't trying to give me a drink, you were trying to prove a point you didn't have Buster: Let's not pretend you have any idea what my motivations are/were/could be at any particular point in time Rio: I'd have to join in the delusion you aren't transparent first and honestly Rio: not got the time Buster: 'Cause you don't Buster: 'Course* Rio: Be well busy teaching my boyfriend to read and write, apparently Buster: There's so many delusions it must be necessary to maintain in order to just be with him that neither of us have the time to list them all Rio: It doesn't really matter to you, remember? Buster: Cheers for the reminder Rio: You're so welcome Buster: I feel it Buster: Your nan has such a welcoming vibe Rio: No doubt ⭐ boy Rio: try being your sister, or my brother Buster: She loves it Rio: Judging like God gave her the go ahead? Rio: I know Buster: I meant Nance loves a chance to play the victim, but yeah that too Rio: She'll be over it 'fore the night is out Buster: Don't underestimate her Rio: Yeah, that's me Buster: Well, everyone knows the opposite is reserved for your boyfriends Rio: I highly doubt anyone but you is thinking about it at all Buster: If that idea brings you comfort, you can have it Rio: How generous Buster: Why are you wearing that? Rio: What do you mean? Buster: It's a simple enough question Rio: Too simple for words Rio: because it's a wedding Rio: what else would I wear? Buster: I'm not your stylist Rio: then don't act like it Buster: I ain't Rio: Maybe I don't like what you're wearing Rio: you don't have to announce every thought in your head Buster: I didn't express an opinion, I asked a question Rio: I know what you're saying Buster: No you don't Rio: Then tell me Buster: You've already made it clear that you don't want me to Rio: That's why I asked you to Buster: I don't have to announce every thought in my head, remember? Rio: Fine Rio: well I'm not going home to change, can you handle that? Buster: What if I can't? Rio: I know you can Buster: Fine Rio: Do you want a drink? Buster: Are you gonna throw it at me? Rio: I've got manners Buster: Shame Rio: 😏 Rio: if you're missing playing, there's room at the kid's table Buster: I'm gutted that you don't wanna play a game with me, that doesn't mean you get to push your luck that far Rio: You don't seem like you're in a playful mood Buster: What mood do I seem like I'm in? Rio: So I can't read your motivations anymore but I can still read your moods? Buster: Come on Rio: You seem Rio: annoyed Rio: uncomfortable, like the rest of us Buster: Is that you finally admitting that you're uncomfortable? Rio: I never said I was having the BEST time Buster: Alright, let's have that drink then Rio: as far as non-solutions go Rio: one of the better Buster: You know me well enough to know if it ain't the best, I ain't interested Rio: That's why you ain't brought a plus one, yeah Buster: Yeah Rio: You seem bored too Buster: You don't have to read my mind for that one, it's just common sense Rio: So I'll get you that drink Buster: Cheers Rio: Slainte Rio: [gonna have you get waylaid by your dad and Drew at the bar] Buster: [when you come and literally drag her away from them when you realise cos you don't have to read her mind there either] Rio: [we all know Drew's already getting lowkey creepy at this age, never mind any dad angst or embarrassment 'thanks' as you awkwardly give him his drink] Buster: [when it's been so long since they've touched each other that he can't even speak so just gotta shake his head for that don't cos he didn't do it for the thanks] Rio: ['you already said it for the drink' and a shrug that you can barely keep steady and even because being this close to him but we're pretending this is very casual 'we're even'] Buster: [a shrug that exactly mirrors hers for that beautiful cinematography and matching mood but forcing that eye contact cos gotta pretend you're unfazed] Rio: [maintaining it long enough to take the first sip of your drink, then going to walk away again] Buster: [putting his hand on her wrist just like he did a second ago when he dragged her away from that delightful pair because we've started something now] Rio: [looking down at his hand on your wrist because you cannot] Buster: [unhanding her because you know you have to not because you want to] Rio: ['enjoy, yeah?' and looking back up as you go] Buster: [just staring at her nbd and nothing to see here people] Rio: [a shameless moment whilst you walk back to this boy] Buster: [excuse you sir] Rio: [like so soz her level of investment in you has plummeted rn] Buster: [I'm dying because this lad is probably saying something to her and does she care? NOPE] Rio: [tryna have your own moment like hold up] Buster: [Ava as the only other person he gives a fuck about at this whole function/in the world you've gotta distract him so he doesn't go over there/do something stupid] Rio: [at least you're 8 and will have no qualms in doing so] Buster: [have a cute moment between yourselves so he calms down] Rio: [ask him to dance or something] Buster: [you gotta] Rio: [not that this will help her, just sneakily looking how cute they are] Buster: [just casually reminding her of what a sweet boy he used to be when they were younger] Rio: [and he's good with kids which is so important to you for obvious reasons] Buster: [omg it makes so much sense why they have so many kids now even more than before] Rio: [mhmm Buster: [we is so clever] Rio: [the cleverest] Buster: What mood am I in now? Rio: A much better one Rio: even if you'd like to deny it Buster: I'm not about to deny it, she's the best thing my parents have ever done and you heard what I said that means for my interest Rio: It's nice Buster: I'm capable of nice Buster: It just suits everyone to forget it, including you Rio: I've never said you weren't Rio: it suits you for people to forget, anyway, if you wanted it otherwise, you'd remind them more often Buster: Not tonight, there'll have been others though Buster: Yeah, like I said, it suits everyone Rio: My memory isn't selective Rio: this night or any other Buster: Call it whatever you like Buster: The end result is the same Rio: No it isn't Buster: Tell me how it's any different Rio: I still have memories Rio: that you can't do fuck all about Buster: Memories that make no fucking difference to now Rio: That's your opinion Buster: It's a fact Buster: There isn't a single one you could share with me now or vice versa that would lead to our reconciliation Rio: because we don't want it Buster: 'Cause it's bullshit Buster: It might as well have happened to someone else for all the relevance it has to who I am Rio: Yeah, because you don't want it to make a difference Rio: that's what I said Buster: Yeah, you're the expert on what I want Rio: Don't need to be, that's what you're saying as well Buster: What I'm saying is that it doesn't matter, it's not about whether I want it to or not Rio: Fine Buster: There are loads of things that have a bearing on my day to day live and how it looks going forward, and like it or not, all the summers I wasted here with you as a kid ain't one of 'em, oddly enough Buster: *life Rio: as I said, WE don't want it to matter Rio: so, unsurprisingly, I don't care Buster: Say it like you mean it Buster: You're supposed to kill your darlings, babe, not give 'em the one punch and call it quits Rio: Whatever, have you sufficiently proved to yourself how un-nice you can be too now or? Buster: It's about what you don't wanna prove to yourself though, more than anything else Buster: You're scared if you really hurt me, you'll like it Buster: And you don't want that 'cause you do care, even if it's only for the me in your memories Rio: I'm not scared of that, or to admit I care, because I'm not a sociopath Rio: we're related, like it or not Buster: I'm not a sociopath just 'cause I don't like the fact we're related Rio: You'll get over it Buster: You're supposed to say, 'nah you're a sociopath 'cause....' I've probably got loads of the traits you could pick from Buster: But since you didn't, what if I can't? Rio: I don't think you are one, your narcissistic trait will take that blow hard, I know Rio: There's no choice Rio: I've got plenty of relatives I like less than you, as you're aware Rio: they don't just go away, even if you try to Buster: There are always choices and there are always gonna be relatives I like less than you Buster: But Rio, what if I can't get over this? Rio: Don't take the piss Buster: I mean it, you know I do Rio: Then you know I don't have an answer Buster: You have to if I don't Rio: The only way blood doesn't matter is if the person fucks up so spectacularly you can disown them Rio: even then, not really Rio: so yeah, have some kids you don't want, acquire a drug habit that you do Buster: I've got the latter, I can't say it's especially helping Rio: not really though Rio: just at parties, yeah Buster: You don't have to worry about me Rio: I'm not, just asked a question Buster: I go to parties all the time so it's hardly an occasional thing, but alright, to answer your question, yeah Rio: everyone does though, like Rio: that's alright, that's normal Buster: Only you would find a way to be insulting and reassuring at the same time Rio: Yeah, I'm well sorry if you thought you and your friends were unique Buster: Not those cunts, just me Rio: That's very nice Buster: So are they Rio: Why are you friends with them? Buster: If not those cunts then a bunch of others Rio: But I'm afraid to be alone? Buster: [a big Fearghal style loud lol] Buster: Touché Rio: [shaking her head like 😏] Buster: You reckon I should be more like Nance then, yeah? Isolate myself and pretend human connection is unneccessary Rio: Obviously not Rio: No one wants to be alone Buster: No one's good enough for me, babe Buster: You were the first to prove it Rio: Fuck off Rio: you so obviously fit right in with your friends, that's the truth Buster: I give it 110% same as everything else Rio: I never had any doubt Buster: Good Rio: Even if I had, your socials leave little to be desired in the twat factor Buster: And yet, you can't look away Rio: if you think a car crash is aspirational Buster: You may be one of my poor relations, that doesn't make me a poster boy Buster: Find your own access to high society, Eliza Rio: I'm not your anything Rio: and I've got no interest in that either Buster: Well done then, on both counts Rio: Bye now Buster: For now Rio: Unfortunately Buster: Fuck off Rio: excuse you? Buster: Lie better or don't bother Rio: You can pretend I'm just devastated to see you go, if it makes you happy Buster: That isn't something I need to pretend Rio: There you go, head in the ☁s again Rio: you're welcome Buster: You wish Buster: Stop daydreaming about me, the nights are already so fucking long Rio: You're lucky I don't tell people how weird you are Buster: Go ahead Rio: You think I won't Buster: I dare you Rio: Don't Buster: I double dare you Rio: You know I can't Rio: no one would believe just how weird you are Buster: You can do anything you want, you just have to want it more than you care about what the consequences are/could be Rio: I'm sure they'd just put you in very expensive therapy Buster: And I wouldn't have to see you any more Rio: That's what you want then Buster: Don't you? Rio: I already said, there are people I dislike more around Buster: You know there's only so many boyfriends you can parade in front of me before I kill one Rio: You're not going to kill anyone, you're not a sociopath, remember Rio: and I'm not parading anyone, they're just there Buster: Just saying, like Buster: You might wanna reconsider your rankings Buster: And I didn't say I wouldn't feel guilt or whatever else Rio: Of course you wanna be on top Buster: You don't want me to be? Rio: Why would I want that, Buster? Buster: You know why Rio: Not when me and all the wasted Summers as kids are nothing but a footnote Buster: Don't Rio: You said it Buster: What would you rather I said? Buster: Tell me Rio: Not every thought in my head Buster: Come on Rio: What do you want me to say? Buster: A thought in your head, not every Rio: Alright Rio: you're pretty drunk, that's what I'm thinking Buster: I'm not that drunk, if that's what's stopping you Rio: I could say more if you were Buster: I'll find some brandy, you can say it at my funeral Rio: Things aren't that dire, come on Rio: they're quite a sweet couple Buster: If you say so Rio: you don't think so? Buster: I don't know what kind of couple they are Buster: I barely know them Rio: Yeah but it's a nice story Rio: very boy/girl next door romcom Buster: Knowing what you want in the first place is a better story Buster: They wasted years they could've been together Rio: They might not have been right for each other before Buster: If you're right for each other then you are Buster: You do whatever it takes Rio: Maybe Rio: sometimes you can't Buster: They were the only things stopping themselves Rio: So you can't be happy for them? Buster: I didn't say I wasn't Rio: You still want a supermodel wife then Buster: I don't care what she does, it's not about that Rio: What is it about Buster: What she's like, obviously Rio: You have grown up Buster: It's what happens, yeah Buster: Unless you die Rio: Cheery Buster: I told you, I ain't the entertainment Rio: Alright Buster: Don't marry him Rio: I'm not marrying anyone Buster: Ever? Rio: I mean right now, we're 14, for God's sake Buster: You can't marry him now, I'm saying don't marry him when you're old enough to Rio: we've not been going out long Rio: who knows where I'll be or with who when I even think about that Buster: You fancied him back then though, when I was gonna marry a supermodel Buster: I know you did Rio: that's not what I was trying to say with Rio: I don't think I'll marry him Rio: it's just nice for the people it happens to Rio: like your mum and dad too Buster: Probably use an alternative word to nice if you say anything about it to them Rio: I wasn't planning to Rio: not got a deathwish Buster: [😏] Buster: It wouldn't be very cheery, having one Rio: Doesn't mean I'm the entertainment Rio: just polite Buster: Just as well, polite isn't entertaining Rio: If I wanted to entertain you, I could Buster: But you don't Rio: don't I Buster: Do you? Rio: be well weird if I wanted to, wouldn't it Buster: Depends who you ask Rio: You're the only one in this chat Rio: but not in the room Buster: Rio Rio: yes Buster: Do you wanna dance with me or not? Rio: We could do that Rio: that wouldn't be weird Buster: [comes over and we back on that wrist holding bullshit because of course we are, like you could just let her walk over to wherever you're gonna dance but no] Buster: [stop pulling her around boy you'll give yourself away] Rio: [we all know she's so shamelessly #intoit so good luck keeping this casual] Buster: [remember where you are and that your whole family is here please] Rio: [we know we're starting with a pretense of dancing 'near' each other but just keep 'accidentally' touching and getting closer] Buster: [shamelessly love that] Rio: [like you can't outright slow dance can you even if you really wanna] Buster: [we'll let you at the party but there's no chance of getting away with it in front of the fam unless you somehow did a Twilight prom moment outside lol] Rio: [wish some of these kids would take the initiative to 'force' you to like you're getting fake married lmao] Buster: [@Grace it's your time to shine babe] Rio: [god bless] Buster: [realistically her boyfriend is probably gonna appear to dance with her properly and Buster is gonna be livid] Rio: [sadly, yes, neither of us are thrilled but can't be like no I would rather keep dancing with my cousin so, just sadly watching him go over your mans shoulder] Buster: [he has to go punch something that's not this dude's face] Rio: [don't blame you] Buster: [please don't hurt yourself boy, I know you don't care but it is a wedding thank you] Rio: [at the very least, you don't want the drama of the whole fam being like what happened why etc etc] Buster: [genau dr phil] Rio: [even later, like, Tommy and Meena have pissed off time, which is so weird about traditional weddings] Rio: where are you Buster: Why? Rio: just asking Rio: i wanna know Buster: Well don't Rio: sorry Buster: Where's he? I wanna know Rio: he went home a while ago Rio: paper round in the morning Buster: He's tall for a 10 year old Rio: alright Rio: you can have that one on the house Buster: Why can't he get a real job? He's old enough Buster: Older than you Rio: I don't know Rio: doesn't want one, doesn't need one Rio: his family are minted Buster: Who the fuck doesn't want one? Rio: Are you gonna get one? Rio: he's focusing on school, like Buster: What's he focusing on a paper round for too then, cardio? Rio: Probably Rio: why are we even talking about this, it's so boring Buster: Why are you even going out with him, if he's so boring? Rio: do you actually want to know, really Buster: Yeah I do Rio: 'cos it's easy, simple, straightforward Buster: Jesus Christ Rio: what Buster: What do you mean, what? Buster: Can you hear yourself Rio: There's literally nothing wrong with that Buster: If you're a divorced mother of two looking to get back out there Buster: Instead of like, the hottest girl I've ever seen Rio: you can't say that Buster: I can say whatever the fuck I want Buster: I can't do anything Rio: you're Rio: this is a headfuck Buster: It always has been Rio: I know Buster: Yeah Rio: that's why we need easy Buster: Fuck that Rio: fine, be better than me Buster: There is no better than you Rio: Buster Rio: just Buster: I don't care Buster: It's true Rio: we can't do anything with this Rio: what do we do Buster: You should know anyway Buster: How I feel and how I don't Rio: you aren't as good a liar as you'd like Rio: you can't just talk away this, or one of us would've Buster: I mean you should hear it from me Buster: Instead of all the bullshit you have to Rio: okay Rio: I'm listening Buster: When I see you I can barely stay standing but when I don't, I can't fucking breathe Buster: If I was anyone else I wouldn't win the fight, it'd get called off Rio: I miss you, like, I always miss you, since we were little Buster: It's just constant Buster: Everyone acts like it's meant to get better, or worse Rio: we should've grown out of it by now Rio: probably Buster: Don't Rio: I can't Rio: and I don't think I want to, even if I could Buster: I know what I want, I'm not a kid Rio: you want a lot of things Rio: if we Rio: that could fuck up all the rest Buster: Yeah Rio: but Rio: do you ever feel like Rio: if we did, it'd be less obvious somehow Rio: I feel as blatant as you say I am Buster: I don't reckon it could be any more obvious, whatever we do Buster: Is that why your boyfriend left? Rio: Sort of Rio: he wanted me to go with him but I didn't feel like it Rio: for obvious reasons Buster: I'm not sorry Rio: I know you aren't Rio: I don't need you to be either Buster: What do you need from me then? Rio: I want you Rio: to admit you want me too Buster: You said I want loads of things, but none of them matter as much as you Rio: what if no one would talk to us again Buster: I'll talk to you and you'll talk to me Rio: promise Rio: you can't ignore me Buster: You're right, I can't Rio: you do though Rio: so don't Buster: I swear Rio: okay Buster: It will be okay Rio: when have you ever been okay with okay Buster: Touché Buster: Fine, it'll be the best Rio: it would be though Buster: I know Rio: think about it Buster: I've been thinking about it for days Buster: I went to a party last night to try and stop Rio: did it work Buster: 'Course not Buster: I don't want it enough Rio: I don't want him enough Rio: I said it's easy Rio: but it's the opposite, actually Rio: on paper, it should be but when I actually have to do it Buster: You don't live on paper Buster: And you don't have to be with him Rio: we have to try, don't we Buster: We have Rio: how is just seeing you better than anything anyone else has ever done Buster: I'm better than anyone else Rio: you just want me to say it back Buster: That's not why I said it, but obviously you will, when I prove it to you Rio: I wish Buster: [a location that a wedding guest should not remotely be like an office or storage closet or whatever where he's been] Rio: have you been there this whole time Buster: Why is that all you've got to say to me? Rio: You know I'm coming Rio: I started this conversation asking where you were Buster: How long ago did he leave? Rio: not long after Tommy and Meena did Rio: whenever that was Buster: You just wanted to keep me waiting then Rio: that's not what I want at all Buster: Good Rio: you know what I want, yeah? Buster: I know exactly what you want Rio: and you're gonna give it to me, right? Buster: I'm gonna give you everything Buster: Including things you didn't know you wanted Rio: Jesus Buster: Rio Rio: you can say that out loud for me Rio: we've not been that alone in Rio: forever, maybe Buster: We've never been this alone Rio: it's weird Rio: how many memories I have that feel like just me and you Rio: but they couldn't have been, really Buster: 'Cause that's how we wanted it Rio: bit mean, really Rio: but I'm always with my brother and sisters Buster: I don't care Rio: it's hard to, right now Rio: and then Rio: you were more fun Buster: I still am Rio: you can prove that Rio: if I ever escape everyone trying to stop and talk to me Buster: Don't make me have to come and get you Buster: We may have been blatant but we can't be stupid Rio: I know Rio: even if you did make that sound really tempting Rio: unfair Buster: I'll do it, I just want you to know that I know it's not a good idea Rio: I'll be good Rio: but only in a fun way, obviously Buster: You don't have fuck all to prove to me, you know that, yeah? Rio: yeah Rio: a bit though Buster: I'm serious Buster: You've never been boring, not even close Rio: I'm still gonna make this the best you've ever Buster: It will be 'cause it's you Rio: I need you to feel how badly I want you Buster: I've wanted you for so long Rio: how long Rio: tell me Buster: Come on Buster: You know it's always been you Rio: remind me Buster: Any girl I've ever touched, I've never even wanted to unless I'm thinking about you Rio: I can't stop my brain from thinking about you Rio: how much better it would be if it was you Rio: how much I'd rather Buster: Don't stop thinking about me Buster: If this is the only chance we get or if it's not Buster: Whatever happens, whatever I say or do when I sober up Rio: I can't anyway Rio: even if you were the worst person in the world Buster: I have been a cunt Buster: I'm sorry Rio: forget about it Rio: me too Rio: we know why Buster: No, listen Rio: but it's okay Buster: It's not okay Buster: I love you Rio: you can't just take all this back Rio: just 'cos we're drunk Buster: It'll still be how I feel whether I'm drunk or not Rio: I mean you know I'm not going to forget Buster: Good, don't Buster: I'm in love with you Rio: I've imagined you saying that Rio: so many times Buster: It's real now Buster: I mean, it always has been real for me, but I'm actually saying it, no takebacks Rio: [gonna have you turn up now] Buster: [how obviously he would've trashed whatever this room is when he was mad and sad lol] Rio: [just looking at the room then at him 'cos we doing this] Buster: [using whatever to block the door because you haven't waited this long to risk getting interrupted however unlikely that is given how long he's been in there and how far away they are from the wedding shit] Rio: [gonna say it's an office type moment so it can be a desk and you can hop up on that] Buster: [because your height difference is ridiculous and also that's a mood] Rio: ['is this really happening?'] Buster: [kissing her really intensely so she knows it is and let's take a moment to appreciate and contrast that to their awkward childish first one and die] Rio: [when you'd be dying because how good it is confirms everything like oh shit] Buster: [we know it'd be the same for him so thank god you don't have to worry about being quiet because he is the loudest character we have lol] Rio: [if there was ever a time and a place for a first time moment tbh] Buster: [love it for you guys even though he's gonna have to tell her to take off her own dress so he doesn't rip it cos we that extra and peeps would notice that however drunk and oblivious they have been thusfar] Rio: [when you're so 😍 about that though] Buster: [no chill ever gotta start as you mean to go on] Rio: [likewise, just taking the opportunity to tell him everything you ain't been allowed in between kisses] Buster: [same cos he's already dropped the L word before she even got there so we know he can't shut his damn mouth] Rio: [there's no way she ain't saying it back in person] Buster: [I'm the opposite of mad about it] Rio: [when you can't pretend you don't, like it's just all out there now you've started, tomorrow will be interesting] Buster: [good lord I hope at least you can manage to keep the bruises to a minimum/out of sight of the boyfriend she still has because yeah there's gonna be enough to deal with] Rio: [good luck with that lmao] Buster: [gurl you gonna have to work some makeup magic we all know it] Rio: [or just avoid him like we know you wanna] Buster: [please dump him asap though] Rio: [we clearly are and it'll probably be messy 'cos thinks you've liked him for ages and like yeah you been cute but also not really] Buster: [soz boy but also not soz boy] Rio: [you'll survive honey] Buster: [but for them what is the craic like are y'all gonna stay barricaded in here forever or go back to the reception like nothing happened or go home like you have not thought this through] Rio: [you can probably stay in here 'til one of your parents texts like excuse me where are you, and that'll probably be to go home] Buster: [realistically Baze will wanna go home before Ali cos her and Tommy are besties and baze are antisocial bastards lol] Rio: [exactly dr phil, when you just both gotta think about that like okay] Buster: [giving her his jacket cos 1. he wants her to have it because this may never happen again/all the reminders as if you haven't literally left bruises boy please 2. nobody would question why he doesn't have it/she does because the state of them all and the fact it's not an inherently coupley thing to do necessarily 3. if she had to she could say it was her boyfriends because he is also a rich boy and boys suits lowkey always look the same unless you go wild with it 4. that'll give her a reason to have to see him again/strike up a convo which he obvs wants and so do we] Rio: [1. yes 2. yes 3. yes 4. yes that is all, do we wanna have any more drunk chatting 'cos easily could or do we wanna skip to the AM] Buster: [I think we should to show they're not like instantly regretting/ignoring each other cos that's not the mood like all the goodbye kisses as soon as he realises he can't just ignore the fam/actually has to go would be EVERYTHING] Rio: [truly, hence he's barely out the door and] Rio: I miss you Buster: I love you Rio: I love you a lot Buster: I love you more than anything else Rio: You're making me so happy Buster: Good Rio: I wish I coulda gone with you Buster: You are coming with me, just not in person Rio: Yeah, I know Rio: I just like you best in person Buster: I'll see you tomorrow Rio: What are we doing? Buster: Whatever you want Rio: you then, cool 😋 Rio: might be willing to make a more detailed plan in the AM, see how I feel Buster: I'm fine with plan A Rio: It'd be really beyond awkward if you were regretting it already Rio: so I'm glad to hear it Buster: Being forced to leave, not doing it sooner, how I've treated you for the past however fucking long, that shit is what I regret Rio: We'll find time to make up for the lost now Rio: you're here for a bit, yeah? Buster: Yeah Rio: Good Rio: it won't be that hard to find time and opportunity to be alone somewhere Rio: can't force family fun on us constantly Rio: they'll be recovering from this majority of the time Buster: They can't force fuck all on me, I came 'cause I wanted to see you Rio: Well, I'm very glad you did Buster: Me too Rio: I swear I'm dreaming Buster: You're not, babe Buster: I can still taste you Rio: Fuck Rio: that makes me weak Buster: Everything you do makes me weak Buster: Just as well you can't tell anyone, like Rio: Who, me? 😏 Rio: I'd rather it was just for me anyway Buster: Yeah, you Buster: You know exactly what you're doing Buster: That dress, for example Rio: If you're going to ignore me, I have to make sure it's as hard as it is for me to ignore you Rio: the smallest but only victory I reckoned available to me Buster: I understand not reckoning I was gonna rip it off you but don't sell yourself too short Rio: so, you're only human, and everyone's looking Rio: but you know I wore it for you Buster: I do, so just this once I'll forgive you for saying I'm only human Rio: 😂 Rio: we can brainstorm what I can call you instead then Buster: Like, if you were disappointed in any of what I just did, you could've just said so Buster: Don't have to humble me that hard Rio: Oh, please Rio: you know what you just did Rio: and that I've not recovered, can't see it happening any time soon Buster: It's taken me years to try and recover from the first time we kissed, I'm not sure you'll find me that sympathetic, given that I never did succeed Rio: I get it, I'm not sorry for that either Rio: even if I should be Rio: only sorry we didn't do it more than once Buster: I should've kissed you every day after that Rio: You should've Buster: You know failure isn't an option for me though Rio: It wasn't a failure Buster: It wasn't good enough, that's the same thing Rio: it still made me feel Rio: everything Buster: But you're flawless, it needed to be perfect Rio: I wasn't any better, it was both our first time Rio: how could you have done any better, at, how old were we even Buster: If I hadn't been a pussy about it then it would've been better Rio: well, I still thought about it every time I touched myself after so Rio: I'm not mad about it Buster: Jesus, don't say shit like that when I can't touch myself at the thought of you doing it, you're supposed to be the one with good manners Rio: but you like it when I forget them Buster: Yeah but there's a time and a place and it's not right now in this car with my entire family Rio: 🤐 Rio: sorry Buster: No you're not Rio: I could be persuaded to be Rio: but I like thinking about it a lot, so it'll take a lot Buster: Tell me Rio: Tell you how much it'll take or how much I like thinking about it and exactly what Buster: Tell me what you like to think about and I'll decide if I want you to be sorry or not Rio: What haven't I thought about you, that's an easier question Rio: all the things I want you to do to me, everything I'm going to do for you Buster: Your boyfriend gives you easy, I know what you actually need Rio: you do Rio: you're better than a boyfriend Buster: I told you, I'm better than anyone Buster: Except you Rio: I'll show you that I know Buster: So how many of 'em did I do, these things you want? Rio: I'm pretty perverted Rio: we won't run out of scenarios or settings any time soon Buster: Is that a promise? Rio: Yes Rio: if you want it to be Buster: I want you here but I'll take that Rio: tomorrow Rio: I'm going to be so desperate for you Buster: Fuck that, I'll call you when I get back Rio: You know I'll still be at this party Buster: So go back to where we were Rio: Tell me when you're back, if I go now I won't be able to wait for you Buster: You don't have to wait for me Rio: I do Rio: I want you to fuck me and yourself at the same time Buster: Have I fallen asleep? Buster: I've definitely had this dream Rio: if you were asleep, I could make you cum Rio: can't be blamed for a wet dream Buster: If I'm not, I'll pretend to be Buster: Only my mum and dad aren't Rio: do you know how to be quiet though, babe Buster: I can do anything Rio: then can you think about me being there with you in the car Rio: tell me how you want me Buster: If you're on my lap I can be quiet Rio: I'll have a lot more bruises to show for it Rio: but I want that Buster: Any sounds I did end up making would only be for you to hear, I know you want that too Rio: They are just for me Buster: They haven't always been, our neighbours have definitely heard me before, but now they are Buster: And they're always 'cause of you Rio: I love how loud you are Rio: I wanna hear it more Buster: Tomorrow Rio: but for now, I can make noise for the both of us Buster: Yeah, be really loud for me Rio: I will Rio: though if I'm on your lap you'll have to try and make me quiet Buster: It's okay, I'll give you my fingers to suck, it'll keep you so quiet Rio: 🥺😳🤤 Rio: please Buster: Say it again Rio: Buster, please Rio: I want you inside me in every way possible at once Rio: you can't be close enough Buster: Fuck Rio: I can almost feel it Buster: Tell me what it feels like Rio: like I can't breathe, can't think, like all I can feel is what you're doing to my pussy, how fucking good it feels Buster: But you can feel what you're doing to me too, can't you? Rio: Of course, how could I not Rio: you're really big Buster: And everyone moves loads in their sleep Buster: I can't be blamed for that either Rio: Not at all Rio: and I can't be blamed that there's no room in the car but on you Buster: 'Course not Rio: though obviously, I wouldn't want a seat if there was one Buster: Obviously, you want what I want Rio: you know I don't have any underwear on, don't you Buster: I can tell Buster: It's allowed to be the one thing you're allowed to make easy, I reckon Rio: I can't help but be easy for you Rio: if you don't like it, you'll have to teach me a lesson Buster: You're so wet that you can easily take all of me but that's my fault, not yours, I can't help doing things that I know you'll really like Buster: Or that I want to give you everything Rio: I'm ready for you, daddy Buster: You love me, yeah? Rio: I love you so much Rio: you're just Rio: you're mine, aren't you? Buster: I'm yours and you're mine Rio: I'm all yours Rio: for always Buster: Forever Buster: It's always been me and you and that's never gonna change Rio: Promise Rio: I need you to stay with me Buster: I'll swear on whatever you want me to Buster: You know I need you more Rio: I'll believe you, because the alternative is not and I can't handle that Rio: I want this so badly, however we make it happen and work Buster: You can trust me Buster: Whatever it takes, I'll literally do anything for you Buster: There's never been a time when I wouldn't have Rio: Don't leave me again, okay Rio: I'm too happy right now Buster: There are no words good enough, I'll prove that I'm not going to with my actions though, okay? Rio: Okay Rio: I do trust you, really, and I do know, knew, how you felt this whole time, really Rio: it's just a headfuck how fast we've gone from the pretense to none at all Buster: I can't remember wanting to go anywhere without you, not for a single day from when my memory starts Buster: It was a headfuck how much of my life revolved around being with you or wishing I could be Buster: But I'm not a kid any more, I'm not scared Buster: And nobody can tell me what to do Rio: I thought I could make your life better, and mine too, I won't pretend it was entirely selfless, if we kept as much distance as possible Rio: that those thoughts and feelings would go away, that it'd be better for you to hate me, even if that fucking killed me Rio: but it just, didn't work, nothing was better Rio: lots of shit was much worse, and I missed you like hell Buster: I know Buster: I've been able to do everything I've ever decided I wanted to and loads of things I just had to, really fucking well, except not love you Rio: you can love me now Rio: shouldn't I be the only person who's say so matters Rio: I want you to Rio: and to love you back Buster: You're the only person who matters to me like that, end of story Rio: we'd be good together Rio: everyone would think so if things were different Buster: You were my best friend too, you know that, even my fucking twin couldn't understand me the way you did Buster: Whenever something happened whether it was shit or good I just wanted to tell you Buster: We were good together, they made things different, took all of that away from me Rio: I know Rio: we can have that again, if nothing else Rio: why shouldn't we Rio: you can tell me anything Buster: Fuck everyone else Buster: I hate them Rio: No you don't, not everyone Buster: Alright, the majority then Rio: 😏 okay, probably Rio: but shh Buster: Don't shh me, you just said I could tell you anything Rio: I suppose I did Rio: you didn't realize I'm a really crap girlfriend Buster: I've already realised that's bullshit Rio: Dan would probably disagree Rio: if he knew, like Buster: Yeah well, he'd love to disagree with me purely for the sake of doing so Buster: And I'd rather we had fuck all in common Rio: I mean, more like the bruises he didn't give me but you know Rio: I'll dump him Rio: when you've gone Buster: That's his own fault, if you were my girlfriend I wouldn't leave without you Rio: I didn't want to go Buster: He should've stayed with you then Rio: I didn't want that either Buster: Behave, you know what I'm saying Rio: I'm just saying Rio: not as stupid as you reckon Buster: Him or you? Rio: him Rio: I don't think you called me stupid, not tonight anyway Buster: Is that why you like him? Buster: It shouldn't be, 'cause if anything he's stupider than I reckoned for not being willing to put up a fight for you Rio: No Rio: it's just, I already knew him, when we came back properly Rio: didn't really know anyone else Buster: And you already fancied him Rio: not really Rio: he was cute but Rio: you didn't put me on your list either Buster: I could've told you puberty wasn't gonna do him as many favours as me Buster: I'm not that stupid, babe, then or now Buster: I know I can't marry you Rio: it was just a game Rio: you could've pretended Buster: I don't wanna pretend with you Rio: Do you even want all this Rio: you know, the wedding, the church Buster: I want you Buster: Nobody's gonna let us celebrate it by buying us toasters and champagne flutes, but if we could, I would Rio: yeah Rio: it don't matter Buster: We still belong to each other Buster: And I still choose you Rio: I'd rather have you than any of that Buster: It doesn't have to be either/or Buster: It can't look like theirs but we can do whatever we want in secret Rio: you're so cute Buster: I'm just saying, if you want something I'll get it for you Buster: Whatever it is Buster: I'm not your shit boyfriend, I don't give up Rio: you don't need to get me anything Rio: just stay in my life, that's all Rio: even if you have to marry a supermodel Buster: If I can't marry you, I won't get married Rio: it's a deal Buster: Okay Rio: I love you, Buster Buster: I've missed you so much Rio: I know Rio: I haven't even asked how you've been Rio: what you've been doing, 'cos it's been forever Buster: Don't Rio: I don't wanna know or you don't wanna say Rio: or both Buster: You already know Rio: but you're alright, yeah? Buster: I never settle for just alright, do I? Rio: you know what I mean Buster: What do you want me to say? Rio: you don't have to lie Rio: tell me how I can make it better though Buster: It is better now Buster: Like I said earlier, you don't have to worry about me Buster: Even if it wasn't better, I can handle that Rio: 😔 Buster: Come on Rio: 🥺 Rio: okay Buster: Please don't be sad Rio: I just can't think of you being sad Buster: I'm not any more Buster: I've got you Rio: it'll be better Rio: I'll look after you Buster: I love you Rio: I love you too Rio: I swear I don't even know half the people who are still here Buster: You should be here with me Buster: This house is so fucking quiet Rio: I could easily change that Rio: maybe we can have a sleepover one night Buster: We can Rio: like old times Rio: but better Buster: I won't headbutt you this time, like Rio: 😂 Rio: I appreciate it Buster: Did I ever do anything right as a kid or what? Buster: Fucking hell Rio: Plenty of things Rio: we know there was more stopping us than any awkwardness that happened Buster: Yeah Rio: but fuck that now Rio: they've got no right or need to know Buster: Don't worry, I've learned from my parents what not to do Buster: We won't get caught Rio: neither of us is stupid Rio: I want you too bad to fuck with it Buster: All we have to do is keep things the way they used to be in front of everyone Rio: we've kept it up for ages Rio: at least now, we know it's 100% fake Rio: no doubt Buster: Exactly Rio: You do have to come back more though Rio: or I'll die Buster: I'll think of a reason Rio: Use your big, educated brain, boy 😜 Buster: An idea'll come easily once you're not distracting me Rio: not even sent you any pictures Buster: Me either Buster: But I should shower so Buster: Maybe I will Rio: How many pleases do I have to say to make that maybe a definitely? Buster: Let's see Rio: 🙏 Buster: You have to say it though Rio: Hmm, emojis aren't gonna cut it, noted Rio: Pleeeeaaaaaase Buster: Like you mean it Rio: Insincerity either, okay Rio: Please though Buster: Please, what? Rio: Please send me pictures of you Buster: [does obviously] Rio: More Buster: [he's extra so you know he will] Rio: you're perfect Buster: For you Rio: only for me Buster: Yeah Rio: all for me Buster: I'm all yours now Rio: not gonna take any pictures of my face 'cos I'm just 🥴 now Buster: You're beautiful Rio: That's you Buster: It's not a competition, thank Christ Rio: Awh, baby Rio: I'd let you win Buster: You winning means I win Rio: then you're so welcome Buster: Good Rio: [sends pics from the desk] Buster: We're gonna have to break back in before I leave Rio: or find another desk Buster: I'm looking at one right now, trying to decide whether or not it would break Buster: You'll have to tell me what you think, when you come over Rio: oh Rio: or we could just try and hope for the best Buster: Okay, I'll protect you if it does collapse Rio: I know you will Rio: you love me Buster: And you trust me Rio: with my life Buster: I'll never let anything or anyone hurt you Rio: Only you Rio: and only how I like it Rio: 'cos you know me better than anyone Buster: Some of those bruises are gonna be there after I've left Rio: mhmm Rio: they need to be Rio: I need all the reminders we can get away with Buster: You can have as many as I've got time to give you Rio: you're so lovely 🥰 Rio: I'll take pictures every day, show you how they're healing Buster: Don't forget Rio: Never Rio: when they've nearly disappeared, you come back, yeah Buster: 'Course Rio: 🧡 Buster: Rio Rio: yeah? Buster: Tomorrow, things won't just go back to the way they were before, will they? Rio: I can't do it Rio: I seriously can't Buster: You know I mean everything I've said, yeah? Rio: Yes, and I'm not going to forget any of it Buster: Please don't Rio: I promise Buster: I'll say it all again if I have to but Rio: How could I forget Rio: when I've wanted to hear all of this for so long Buster: You know why Rio: but we can do it Rio: we can keep this secret Rio: I can't go back, can't do what we were Rio: I was bad at it Buster: We both were Buster: And you know how much I fucking hate being bad at things Rio: So, jump with me Rio: you can't keep one foot on the ledge, like Buster: That a dare? Rio: I'd rather you want it, if it's all the same to you Rio: but I can't say I'm above it Buster: You're all I want Buster: The rest, it's not just for me Rio: then I'm yours and that's all there is to it Rio: we'll work out logistics in the morning Buster: If you aren't still there, like Rio: 🙄 Rio: the twins are 💤 in the coats Buster: My dad had to carry Ava in, she wasn't waking up for anything or anyone Rio: Don't blame her Rio: I'm about my ma's size but don't reckon I'm getting away with it Buster: Are you tired, baby? Rio: You know I am, its your fault Buster: I can carry you tomorrow Rio: I'm gonna dream about it Buster: If I can fall asleep, I will too Rio: I'll make sure you do first Rio: manners, babe Buster: I don't think that's the reputation I want though Rio: who am I telling suddenly 🤨 Buster: Not the point is it Rio: You don't need to prove anything to me Rio: there's nothing you haven't already, like Buster: There's always more to prove Rio: I won't complain Rio: show me how good you are so I can't ever forget Rio: 🤤🤤🤤 Buster: [a video because we starting as we mean to go on as being extra bitches] Rio: BABY Buster: I told you Rio: but Rio: that's not allowed Buster: Are you complaining after you said you wouldn't? Rio: No Rio: What's the opposite of complaining? Buster: So you approve? Buster: I'll take the praise then Rio: My nan will love you even more Rio: got me on my knees Buster: Another reason to keep the secret as I obviously can't risk losing her admiration Rio: Obviously Rio: though I'd love the chance to get her to hate me more Buster: We can do that Rio: can we? Buster: You know me, trouble follows me anywhere, it's not limited to Chelsea's confines Rio: Stop tempting me, but don't ever Buster: It's a deal, babe Rio: You have no idea how bored I was without you around Buster: Yeah I do, I've had to entertain myself Buster: Nobody else can come close to keeping up Rio: well you are very entertaining Rio: so I'm jealous of you, if anything Buster: You and everyone else who has had the privilege of meeting me, like Rio: 😏 Rio: you're adorable Buster: Seriously though, all the girls I was talking to earlier were so fucking boring Rio: earlier today or in general Buster: I meant earlier, as in when you were busy with your boyfriend, but it's not any different in general Rio: Hmm Buster: What? Rio: Nothing Buster: Come on Rio: Really, nothing Buster: Bullshit Buster: Say what you wanna say Rio: I just don't like thinking about it Buster: It's not something you have to think about any more Rio: I know, just being stupid Buster: Don't Buster: You're not stupid Buster: I shouldn't have said it, I just meant that I'm lucky to have you Rio: I really know, ignore me, well, ignore that Buster: No Buster: 'Cause if I ignore it you'll still be thinking about it, but without telling me that you are Buster: Then I can't make you feel better Rio: I don't want you to think I'm like that though Buster: Would you rather I think you don't care? Rio: No Rio: you know I do though Rio: but I'm not a crazy bitch, or only a bit Buster: I wanted to kill your boyfriend as soon as I saw you with him, I don't reckon there's any room for me to judge Rio: that's what I wanted though, at least partly Buster: I'll happily kill him for you, it'd be easy Rio: 🙄 that is NOT what I meant, let the record show Rio: asking you to commit murder seems like a further down the line deal tbh but appreciate the level of commitment, baby Buster: Let the record show that I'm planning to say he started it by smacking me with a newspaper Buster: And also that I know exactly what you actually meant Rio: 😂 Rio: point is, it's only my business if you make it so, and you didn't bring no plus one so Buster: You wouldn't have been jealous if I had Buster: It's too obvious that I don't give a shit Rio: I definitely would have Rio: it doesn't take much, not with you Buster: Maybe but so would whoever this hypothetical girl is 'cause wherever you are is the only place I'm looking Rio: Risky Rio: lucky boys aren't that bright usually Rio: or maybe no one's mind goes there, you know Buster: If hers had it'd be easy to turn around, but gaslighting isn't really my idea of a fun night Rio: can think of better Buster: You and me both Rio: though now isn't the perfect time for vivid fuck flashbacks as it looks like my mum might actually be ready to go Buster: I reckon you meant to say that actually there couldn't be a more perfect time Rio: damn, payback is swift Rio: I just forgot you were in the car with your fam, I swear 🤞 Buster: [hitting her with all those reminders of everything that happened in such glorious detail because he is that bitch 100% like okay if your memory is that 'unreliable' don't forget that this or this happened] Rio: like Rio: I deserved that but I don't deserve you Rio: oh my God Buster: You deserve more Buster: [Hitting her with everything he's gonna do to her tomorrow because 100% that bitch too] Rio: Buster Buster: Rio Rio: I want you now Rio: be here Buster: I'm here Rio: Make me feel better Buster: [we're obvs going in even harder with what it would be like if they were actually together rn, he may not have jimothy's way with words but the enthusiasm and urgency are unparalleled] Rio: I'm gonna need your fingers again Rio: or my lips are gonna be unholy big from the bruising Buster: Then you better take 'em Buster: Or I'll have to just kiss you everywhere else tomorrow Rio: can't I have both? Buster: 'Course you can Rio: You spoil me Buster: You deserve that too Rio: I am being really good Buster: How good? Rio: My legs are crossed and my mouth is 🤐 Rio: you'd be proud Buster: Oh I am Buster: I'm very proud of you, baby Rio: Daddy 😖 Rio: you're making me squirmy Buster: No, keep still Rio: I'm trying so hard Rio: but every time I think of you kissing me all over Buster: You're gonna need to try harder until I can actually be there to keep you still myself Buster: Do it for me now and no matter what, I won't stop kissing you when we're back together Rio: I'll do it Rio: not do it, actually Rio: hands to myself, I promise Buster: You know I trust you Rio: I wanna cover your whole face in kisses Buster: I love kissing you Rio: we can do it all day, can't we Buster: Yeah Rio: I'll never get tired of your face Rio: you're so pretty Buster: It's been so hard not to look at you Rio: you're going to struggle even more now you've seen everything Buster: I know Rio: I can send you pictures of how I'm really looking underneath Rio: make it even harder 😋 Buster: Can you? Rio: Right now? Buster: Right now Rio: [the sneakiest of partial nudes you can manage rn] Buster: Jesus Rio: if Edie was 💤 I could do better but Buster: It's even hotter that you did that even though she's not Rio: You told me to Rio: I'll do anything for you Buster: How early can you meet me? Rio: Depends what we're doing Rio: separately or otherwise, 'cos that changes the answer Buster: My mum and dad won't be keeping tabs on where I'm going or who with Rio: Mine either Rio: but I don't usually go out with my friends at the crack of dawn, sadly Buster: Haven't you ever accompanied him on his paper round? Rio: No, I'm not losing beauty-sleep for that Rio: but I will pretend to, that's a good idea Buster: You should get some actual sleep then Rio: no Buster: Behave, by the time you get home it'll almost be time to leave again Rio: but if I'm bad, you'll have to come get me sooner, right? Buster: Keep doing what you're told, you know that's what'll get you what you want the soonest Rio: Alright, I'll try Rio: even though I feel drunker than I am 'cos of all this Rio: high, like Buster: Me too Buster: The way I feel now, I reckon I could stay awake the full week I'm here and not have any regrets about it Rio: like I literally wanna be with you all the time Rio: I missed so much time with you already Buster: Fuck it, we'll stay up Buster: You're better than a load of lines, I won't even need 'em Rio: we can get 'em, if you want Buster: Do you want to? Rio: I'm not just saying no, like Rio: might need 'em, could be fun Buster: Okay Rio: Ryan'll get it, give him a shout when we wanna Buster: 'Course he will Rio: ? Buster: The cunt thinks he's in love with you, you do know that, yeah? Rio: he's just full-on Rio: probably all the coke Buster: No, he's full on and in love with you Rio: he can't be, we've barely had a 1x1 chat in our lives Buster: Like I said, he thinks he is Buster: He don't have to know you well for that Rio: well anyway, he gets decent gear, that's all that matters, yeah Buster: So I won't beat the shit out of him until after he's handed it over, fine Rio: your schedule is too full to be beating up anyone, 'scuse you Buster: It'll barely take a second Rio: second too long, sorry Rio: I'm that needy Buster: Is Edie asleep yet? Rio: Lemme see Rio: you know when you 👀 someone too hard and it's like they feel it then they're 👀 right back Rio: she always does that, so gotta be sneaky about it Buster: I always thought Nance or Junior were doing that but every time they were actually just sleeping Rio: Seriously Rio: slightly worrying how much they could sleep through Rio: but also good to know 😏 Buster: It only seems like they slept shit loads 'cause we never did Buster: I was fighting it until the last second so I could spend more of them with you Rio: Me too Rio: I don't even feel like that kid anymore, most of the time, thinking about what you said Rio: maybe it doesn't mater but I know I miss it, shit was simpler, if not perfect Buster: It's alright, I remember her, in spite of what I said, and I know she's not gone Rio: Maybe Rio: I think Eds is asleep Buster: Definitely, when you smile at me it's the same one Rio: You'll make me emotional Buster: I don't mean to Rio: I know Rio: just not used to this Buster: What? Rio: It just isn't like this, wasn't Rio: it's just been different, with any boyfriend I've had Buster: Different how? Rio: It's hard to explain Rio: like, they're nice but it's like, shallow, surface level Buster: You don't have to explain, I know what lads are like Rio: more than that though Rio: like it just didn't mean very much to me Buster: You wanted to hear it from me Buster: I'm sorry that I made you wait until tonight Rio: It was worth the wait Buster: You are Rio: You're special Buster: You'll make me emotional Rio: It's okay, baby Buster: I'm not used to feeling any of this Rio: me either Rio: we can slow down if we need Buster: No, I'm not gonna fuck this up Rio: You won't Buster: I can't Rio: No, you can't Buster: I won't lose you again Buster: I wouldn't be able to handle it Rio: Buster, it won't happen, I can promise that Rio: that is the last thing I want, I couldn't want anything less Buster: I'll make sure you don't ever want that to happen Rio: likewise Rio: you won't need anyone else for anything Buster: Unless I wanna have a fight, like Rio: you don't think I can hold my own? how rude Buster: I taught you everything you know, 'course you could Rio: maybe I learnt some new moves since Rio: try me 👊💋 Buster: Well there's no danger of you throwing a newspaper at me, you already told me you haven't been out delivering Rio: Oh my God, it's not MY paper round, let me live 🙄😂 Buster: Get a better boyfriend and I will Rio: I've told you I'm dumping him Buster: Yeah Rio: You really want me to get another one, yeah? Buster: Don't Rio: I don't want another boyfriend, you know that Buster: Nobody but me Rio: No one else, ever Buster: I've deleted them all Buster: Every girl I was talking to before Rio: I love you Buster: I need you Buster: It has to be you Rio: It's me Rio: I'm for you and that won't change Rio: 'cos I always have been Buster: It's not just that I've not felt like this before, it's that I know I won't ever again Buster: For anyone but you Rio: That's how I feel too Buster: If I have to lie every weekend to come back and make this work, I will Rio: There must be a decent excuse Rio: some school-related bullshit that they'll approve of Rio: I'll put my less sleepy more sober brain to it Buster: Me too Rio: what are you doing, are you in bed? Buster: [a bed selfie that he doesn't mean to look adorable in but does cos snuggly] Rio: oh Rio: why are you so sweet Buster: Am I? Rio: 👼 Rio: that's what you look like rn Buster: Well then, I could say I'm going to your nan's church every Sunday Rio: 😂 it's well believable you've found God Rio: if you were actually a good boy she'd probably 💀💀 so double win Buster: Yeah cheers, I've had a religious experience Buster: Now I know what heaven feels like and how hot angels are, I'm converted Rio: Shut up 😏 Rio: God really does do it for 'em, though Rio: they all compete over who can make the best cakes for pastor Rio: dread to think how many of 'em he's having affairs with Buster: Or seeing someone who is everything they'd disapprove of, that's what I'd do if I was him Rio: I don't think you should change your career plans, babe Buster: Religion is less of a career, more of a hobby Rio: is if you're faking it Rio: wonder if they'd go in for that on your uni apps though Buster: Definitely would Rio: you're welcome Rio: +points for multiculturalism if you go to my nan's church Buster: I'll see you there Rio: what's in it for me? Buster: Getting to share a hymn book with me Rio: 🤔 Rio: tempting, I'll definitely think about it Buster: Tempting is me in my church clothes, obviously Rio: Okay, I can't deny that Rio: you looked so good today Buster: You look so fucking good every time I see you Buster: But you should post more, it's really frustrating when you don't Rio: Yeah? Rio: How frustrating? Buster: As frustrating as when you walked away from me earlier and I wasn't allowed to stop you Rio: That bad Rio: that was like Rio: painful how much I didn't want to Buster: Almost as bad as dancing Buster: It's painful any time I can't look at you or touch you Rio: I just wanted to dance with you like anyone else could dance with their partner Rio: but more, obviously Buster: We'll go out before I leave Buster: Do it properly Rio: then we can dance EXACTLY how I wanna Rio: which will be way more frustrating but then we can find some dark corner and you can do something about it Buster: Like I said, I'm having a religious experience Buster: 'Cause that sounds like heaven to me Rio: I can be your angel Rio: if you keep blessing me Buster: You are Rio: You're fucking godlike, baby Buster: If I had the power, you'd be here with me right now Rio: I can be Rio: I can't speak to you Rio: still in the car Rio: but you can give me your sermon, like Buster: Everyone's definitely asleep, yeah? Rio: except the driver Buster: Well yeah, but if his eyes ain't on the road, you're at risk of more than getting caught Rio: He's not looking at me Buster: Good Rio: Please, daddy Rio: let me hear your voice Buster: [we calling and we all know what's up and that it'll be fire so that driver better be chill] Rio: [Ali will be keeping a motherly snoozy eye really she's not that shwasted and irresponsible] Buster: [we love you gal] Rio: [no shame from you two though, from the off] Buster: [literally start as you mean to go on, running so JJ can walk tbh] Rio: [tbh x2] Buster: [you've felt bad about it for long enough lads, I don't blame you for having no shame now] Rio: [you can feel bad when everyone finds out, for now the secret is yours lads] Buster: [they gotta eventually fall asleep together on this phone because literally their thing, we'll wake you when you get home gal] Rio: [absolutely Buster: [do we wanna do our skip in this convo or a new one?] Rio: [hmm, let's do it in this one] Buster: [how are we even gonna lol] Rio: [maybe she hangs up when she gets home 'cos he's snoozing and she doesn't wanna wake him but that wakes him up?] Buster: [good idea] Buster: You're home Rio: Yes Rio: you're meant to be sleeping Buster: No, I'm meant to be staying awake with you Rio: it is unacceptable how perfect you look when you're asleep Rio: how dare you Buster: You look perfect whatever you're doing Buster: I'm not mad Rio: Good Rio: because I'd just hate to have to make it up to you 😋 Buster: I'm spoiling you, remember Buster: Not the other way round Rio: How could I forget when you're so good at it Buster: I won't let you Rio: how did you get me to sleep so fast Buster: Just that good, babe Buster: Like you said Rio: too good for anyone else Buster: Yeah Buster: They don't deserve me Rio: I'll do everything to keep being deserving Buster: You don't have to do anything Buster: You're just that good too Rio: 🥰 Buster: I'm so glad that I'm gonna be able to get to know you again Buster: Properly, like before Rio: It'll be good Rio: to have someone to really talk to and trust Buster: You don't feel like you have that? Rio: it's different Rio: like I have my friends and we can go out and have fun and talk about the day to day Rio: and I've got Mum and June and the girls Rio: but I look after them, I'm not bringing my shit to them, you know Buster: Yeah, I know what you mean Rio: just being the oldest, isn't it Rio: and moving somewhere late, when everyone's been friends for years, it's just not going to be that deep Buster: Exactly Rio: You get it Rio: you're the only childhood friend I have, really Buster: You've got Nance too though Buster: She's not constantly with your brother, to her dismay, like Rio: Yeah, that's true Rio: you know you're different Rio: in lots of ways, not just the obvious Buster: She's probably not secretly in love with you as well, granted Rio: 😂 Don't Rio: I know it doesn't make logical sense Rio: that it'd be the same Rio: but it wouldn't, it's weird to even think that about her Buster: It wouldn't be the same, like you said, in so many ways it can't be Buster: I've always felt like this about you and it's always made sense to me Buster: Why wouldn't I? Rio: I don't see why it's so bad Rio: if someone gets with their childhood sweetheart, people don't say it's fucked up 'cos they 'grew up together' Rio: that's why it's so lovely, you know Rio: we weren't in the same house, we weren't literally raised together day to day in the same way by the same people Rio: maybe I've just talked myself into thinking it's okay because I want it to be but I don't care Rio: if no one knows, no one is getting hurt Buster: It is okay, it's not like you're my sister Buster: That'd be fucked Buster: I saw you less than most people see their childhood friends, which you're right, nobody would have a problem with Buster: If you got with that kid who dared us to kiss, for example, everyone would think it was well sweet and he was a little cunt so Rio: Little cunt is a bit harsh but I see your point 😏 Buster: We've established your memory is unreliable Rio: You wish Buster: He wishes 'cause then you could've ended up with him Rio: I'll have to hunt him down and break the bad news Rio: god knows where he is Buster: Don't Buster: You'll only refuse to let me beat him up either Rio: You can't beat up everyone who's ever known me, babe Rio: I'll never see you Buster: Just the ones that fancy you Rio: Past tense Rio: unless he's really kept it going all these years, which would be slightly worrying Rio: in that case, you might have to Buster: Unless he's had a serious brain injury or a gay awakening it'd be present tense again as soon as you tracked him down Rio: you make me feel so Rio: good Rio: in all the ways Buster: You're flawless, I keep telling you Buster: Fucking beautiful, smart, hilarious, really caring, even to me when I was being a bigger cunt than that kid Rio: that doesn't mean I can handle that without melting into a mess of Rio: I don't even know Buster: I can easily handle carrying you, we also established that, so don't worry Rio: I want it Rio: carry me to the bathroom and take off my makeup because I can't be bothered Buster: Leave it, I'll do it for you for real Rio: You don't care the state I'll be if we do that? Buster: No, 'cause you won't be in one Buster: Flawless is flawless Rio: well, don't say you weren't warned then Buster: I don't need to be warned that your skin isn't naturally shimmery, I'm not an idiot Rio: You're perfect, that's what you are Buster: You do remember where I live, right? You wear less makeup than any other girl I've ever met Rio: 😂 Rio: so many girls at school I wanna politely come at with a makeup wipe Rio: less is  more Buster: I've literally had to throw shirts out and all we did was dance Rio: Don't get me started on the shades of tan Rio: I don't know who they think they're fooling with that orange orange Buster: Ava's gonna start on all this shit soon Buster: Fucking hell Buster: I actually won't have time to beat up any lads for you, sorry Rio: I understand Rio: you have a few years though Rio: get some practice in Buster: It's Chelsea, I'm lucky she ain't already started Rio: it's depressing really Buster: She shouldn't be growing up here Rio: it's not consolation to say I think it's much of a muchness everywhere but Rio: you just worry about them, regardless Rio: Billie don't wear makeup ever but it's not like she don't give me grief still Rio: just different ways Buster: Yeah Rio: not lecturing you though Rio: you know Rio: didn't have to beat up boys for Nance and it's still stressful, yeah Buster: I still do, just for different reasons Rio: That hasn't got any better then? Buster: No Rio: I thought she seemed pretty off Rio: she's gonna have to do something about it, or your parents are for her, a big something Rio: current approach clearly isn't cutting it and you can't be expected to shoulder that Buster: She won't do fuck all about it Buster: That's what our fight was about Rio: Ahh Rio: it can't be easy, like it won't be, whatever she has to do Rio: but neither can her day to day, surely Buster: 'Course it is, stop rolling over and taking it, easy as that Rio: for you Rio: if she knew how to do that, wouldn't even be an issue, like Buster: I've told her what to do Buster: If she stands up to them instead of being such an easy target, it'll stop Rio: some people just ain't made like that Rio: if she fucked it up, it'd make it worse, right? Buster: She's a McKenna we're all made like that Rio: My brother ain't like that either Buster: It's different for him Buster: Only having sisters and no proper dad Buster: He still wouldn't let anyone say or do the shit Nance is letting them get away with without at least getting your mum involved Rio: He isn't how he is because of any of that Rio: that's just who he is Rio: and he just chooses to not fully be that with outsiders so they have nothing to say Buster: Alright, I'm not having a go at him Buster: I can't when I'm as bad Rio: I know Rio: and I get the frustration at her, I really do Rio: just don't reckon going on the offensive with her is gonna help at this point is all Buster: She ain't talking to me so there's fuck all I can do anyway Rio: She will Rio: give her some space whilst she's here, she should chill Rio: and we can too Buster: I wasn't gonna invite her along with us, like Rio: Would be a bit rude Rio: and counterproductive to all our plans but Buster: Where are we going? Rio: everywhere worth going, obviously Rio: but tomorrow specifically Rio: 🤔 Buster: Today specifically by now Rio: Oh yeah Rio: God, I'm gonna be knackered Buster: I'll take care of you Buster: Starting with taking your makeup off Rio: maybe we could just pay for a cheap room somewhere Rio: spend the whole day just taking care of each other Rio: can always go somewhere in the PM Buster: It's not gonna be cheap, who am I? Buster: Do you want a pool, babe? Rio: It can't be that expensive or they won't let me in 😂 Rio: but we could splash out on a pool for a day, like Rio: my funds stretch that far Buster: You don't need any funds Buster: And shut up, you've never looked any less than 5 star worthy Rio: you can't pay for everything Buster: Yeah I can Rio: You know what I mean, boy Buster: I know you can't stop me Rio: Buster 😒 Buster: Baby Buster: We're not fighting about it Rio: I'll get us food and 🍾🥂 Rio: then I'll say okay Buster: I love you Rio: I love you Buster: Do you wanna sleep? We can set the same alarm and then I'll come pick you up Rio: We should, that's a good idea Buster: Or I could just leave now Rio: I could sneak you in Rio: but could you sneak out Buster: Again, who am I? Buster: There's nothing I can't do Buster: Especially when it's that easy Rio: You'll have to prove that you can keep quiet again 'cos there's no way we're leaving until you've fucked me Buster: With that kind of incentive I really can do anything Rio: 🥰 Rio: I'll be waiting then Rio: everyone here is dead to the world, will be for hours Buster: Have a nap, I'll wake you when I'm almost there Buster: Put your phone under your pillow, like Rio: Okay Rio: I'll try Buster: Good girl Rio: that doesn't make me wanna leave you Buster: Shhh Buster: Close your eyes Rio: I mean, you can't make me Rio: 😋🤭 Buster: Not yet Buster: But if you know what will happen Rio: We are supposed to be quiet, you're right Rio: if you're not up to punishing me and keeping me quiet, then I'll just have to be good Buster: Don't underestimate me Rio: Never Rio: I'm just telling you what I want Buster: I ain't forgotten Rio: 😶 me Rio: I'll be good now Buster: Yeah? Buster: 'Cause if I have to call you right now and tell you to be, you're in actual trouble so Buster: Really think about that Rio: 😖 Rio: best behaviour Rio: gonna really think about what I've done Rio: how to make it up to you Buster: You've got loads of time Rio: tell me about it Buster: [does tell her about how she can make it up to him in glorious detail obviously] Rio: FUCK Rio: be here so I can be really, really nice to you Buster: On my way Rio: but Buster: I know, this is why you need to sleep, then it'll feel like I'm there sooner Rio: but won't you be lonely without me, daddy? Buster: Yeah but before tonight I always was Buster: I can handle it Rio: I hate that Buster: It's okay Rio: no Rio: but it will be, from tonight Buster: Rio, listen, you can't promise me that and you don't have to Buster: I can handle it, I don't want easy, remember, and neither do you Rio: Maybe I can't Rio: but you won't be lonely, I can promise that Buster: You can't stay up forever, you know Rio: neither can you Buster: I'll sleep when I'm back Rio: I can keep up with you Rio: you said as much Buster: Yeah, I did Rio: There we go then Rio: don't fight me, babe Buster: How else am I gonna see those new moves you mentioned? Rio: we can fight like that Rio: just don't be mean to me Buster: I'll be nice Buster: You'll see Rio: but me first Rio: you've earnt it Buster: So have you Buster: And I'm stronger than you Rio: 🤤 Rio: can't be mad about that Buster: You won't be Rio: you make me feel small Rio: in a good way Rio: safe Buster: Good Buster: 'Cause you are safe Rio: Of course Rio: no reason I wouldn't be Rio: but it's still a nice feeling Buster: Like how you make me feel less alone Buster: I wasn't technically Rio: Yeah Rio: it's just Rio: right Rio: I've had boyfriends, so I can say Rio: it doesn't feel like this, just because of that title, supposed closeness Buster: I don't need a girlfriend to know it's right Rio: I wouldn't like that Rio: if you did Buster: Me either Buster: But I know that's what some people would say, if they found out Rio: it's not like you haven't slept with other girls though Buster: That's different to giving a shit about other girls though Rio: I guess Rio: but how much did I, how much do most people our age Buster: You care about everyone Buster: It's not just part of your night same as having another drink or line Rio: but I care about you more than I have any of them, that's my point Buster: And mine is, from on outside perspective it looks like you've tried harder than me Rio: I get it Rio: you can try Rio: like that Rio: if you want Buster: No Rio: I'm just saying Rio: if you need to Buster: Don't say things like that Rio: I have to Rio: I'm not going to let you not be sure Buster: You think I'm not? Rio: No, I think you are Rio: but I need you to know you've got the opportunity to test it, if you do need it, at any point Buster: I need you, that's all Rio: Okay Buster: Yeah, it is Buster: I'm not gonna change my mind and nobody's gonna change it for me Rio: I won't either Rio: I love you Buster: Your name was there among the first load of words I ever learned, don't forget that Buster: I've loved you my whole life Rio: you'll make me cry Buster: Don't cry, I'll shut up Rio: Don't Rio: you say all the things I wanna hear Buster: I wanna make you happy Rio: you do Rio: this is Rio: beyond happy Buster: No crying then Rio: I can't help it, baby Buster: I know but I can't hold you yet Rio: I won't cry when I see you Buster: You're only allowed to do that kind of shit when you're walking down the aisle Rio: Understood Buster: If we can't get married, you can't cry when you see me Rio: unfair Rio: but not your fault Buster: Yeah it is, I really want all the presents Rio: 😂 Rio: Exactly Buster: Not to mention, if you look that fucking good as a guest Rio: That's just dangerous Rio: less trying not to cry, more dying to get back down the aisle as quick as humanly possible 😍 Buster: I'm fine with dangerous, you know that Rio: I will not be fine with keeping my hands off you Buster: So touch me Rio: in front of the lord and the pastor? Rio: not to mention the guests Buster: I don't care Buster: Do it Buster: Whatever you want Rio: oh Rio: that's fucking hot Buster: It feels like ages since we last touched each other, which is bullshit 'cause before tonight it'd been years, and every part of me knows that, but Buster: I hate that I'm not already there Rio: It's true, it's hard to stop once you start something Rio: especially when that something feels as perfect as this does Buster: I'm gonna have to just live here Rio: If only Buster: You'll hide me, yeah? Rio: of course Rio: you know Chelsea will miss you too hard Buster: Clear out under your bed, like Buster: 'Course, I'm all that place has going for it Buster: Other than the coke being decent and abundant, I'll give 'em that Rio: and your school Rio: even if our system is better Rio: does any school here have the same 'connections' 🤔 Buster: They can get a new Head Boy and I can succeed anywhere Buster: Even catholic Rio: 'course Rio: you're a very good boy, after all Buster: I look like one anyway Rio: 👼 Rio: Okay Rio: come live in my bed Rio: under it Buster: Okay Buster: Sneak me in Rio: You're here? Rio: 🤩🤩🤩 Buster: I mean, I could have the wrong farmhouse, it's been a while Rio: I know you wanna see Dan that bad but that's really mean, babe Buster: Fuck's sake, he's literally the boy next door Buster: Hilarious Rio: I'm so glad you think so Rio: dunno if it counts as the trope if there's a shit ton of farmland between Buster: You really did want that love story, yeah? Rio: Shh Rio: I want you Buster: Make me Buster: 'Cause I want you so bad right now Rio: [Let him in gal] Buster: [don't give them away 🐈s we sneaking] Rio: [at least like Crim, they probably shout all the time for no real reason lol] Buster: [yeah always playing and chasing each other and being cray] Rio: [live for that danger] Buster: [we all know it because there's no way he's not making out with her the second she appears like just wait boy] Rio: [at least your mother is drunk and your sibs will be asleep/could think it was her boyf like mind ya business for a sec everyone] Buster: [Ali is probably asleep too at this point like it's gotta be early AM af] Rio: [we ain't having y'all get caught this quick lol] Buster: [imagine lol #gameover] Rio: [by the grace of god, you're so extra always] Buster: [literally carrying her upstairs as we speak so we rest our case] Rio: [live your best life lads] Buster: [is gonna actually take her makeup off for her and it'll be such a MOMENT bye] Rio: [the intimacy, bye] Buster: [when you do still look beautiful af though he's not even just hyping you] Rio: [like you never wear foundation or any shenanigans 'cos don't need] Buster: [we all know that moment will turn into him kissing her everywhere ever which will turn into every Simon x Alisha gifset ever] Rio: [god bless, get you a man] Buster: [it makes me lol like I don't remember it being such a thing when I watched the show but he's just always doing it appaz] Rio: [when you about that life] Buster: [Buster is so thanks for that blessed content] Rio: [I want 'em to fall asleep for a hot sec for that risk of peeps waking up for the day, like they should be fine but just 'cos 1. it's cute 2. we playing with fire always] Buster: [1000% approve for all those reasons and also it's believable like they literally have not slept and are drunk so] Rio: [exactly] Buster: [we know y'all are exhausting yourself with your antics] Rio: [only so hard you can front] Buster: [The effort of trying to be quiet in itself would kill you both so] Rio: [chatty caths] Buster: [mhmm] Rio: [when you can feasibly make more noise than him 'cos it could be Daniel so you're shamelessly using that to your advantage like you know he ain't gonna get you back later] Buster: [the perils of that posh boy accent] Rio: [loling imagining one of 'em like ew but typical and then being like wait...is that] Buster: [you're not getting rumbled today boy shut your mouth] Rio: [you can and will go ham in the hotel] Buster: [and it'll be fancy and you'll live your best lives just try not to break the bed as you have a habit of doing] Rio: [start as you mean to go on I reckon] Buster: [what do you think should wake them up like a toilet flush or something so you think its later in the morning than it is?] Rio: [that sounds legit and the kinda thing that would make you panic] Buster: [I know it's a big secret and everything but fairplay for waking up cos I would not] Rio: [lol hard same] Buster: [at least they can look at their phones and realise it's not 10am or whatever time they think it is and calm down] Rio: [back to not giving a fuck real quick] Buster: [should we let them go back to sleep or make them leave?] Rio: [I vote it's late enough that you could go get coffee n breakfast somewhere before you can check in] Buster: [and it feels like a mood to be like let's leave rn if they were shooketh and don't wanna risk it happening again if they fall back asleep] Rio: [exactly, you may as well tbh] Buster: [have a sleepy snuggle whilst you're doing the longest car ride back to civilisation lol] Rio: [that'll be a nice moment] Buster: [all the softness forever thank you] Rio: [nice throwback to the very first time we did 'em and they had that soft af coffee morning] Buster: [yaaaas but you don't have to wear Nance's clothes this time babe, you're welcome] Rio: [would be a very weird flex] Buster: [Christ knows what Buster is wearing though cos he would've got changed after the wedding when he went home but I doubt it was into a lewk because you were meant to be sleeping and I doubt even more than you got changed again before you then left your gaff] Rio: [we keeping it casual today] Buster: [we know they both look great anyway] Rio: [when do they not] Buster: [it's rude] Rio: [no wonder you lowkey wanna repopulate the earth] Buster: [love it for you] Rio: [think they have the most kids now p sure] Buster: [they do though gutted its not the 11 you OG wanted lads but it is still more than Ali which was the goal so] Rio: [we not falling into that trap again lol] Buster: [unless a face is literally perfect we mustn't] Rio: [cheeky gal] Buster: [do we want anything to specifically happen that we need to write down or do you just wanna leave this here like] Rio: [we can probably skip I reckon]

[aldapickard948-blog]

How To Take Care Of Divorce With A Substantial Conflict Partner

n The street to martyrdom is difficult, lonely, and unfulfilling. 1 key to flourishing soon after free Fast papers is to place self-treatment at the top rated of your precedence checklist. Indeed, I claimed the prime. Following all, if you are emotion depleted and fatigued you are not going to be of significantly help to anybody else. You ought to be informed of your own demands and acquire accountability for getting care of your self. Your determination to self-treatment is a single of the most essential items you can give yourself -- and your young children and cherished ones. Right here are some tactics to get the ball rolling.

nBe watchful with your phrases. Although in many divorce s, primarily ones that get messy, there is consistently the opportunity that your phrases could be utilized in opposition to you. The moment the free Fast papers system commences, regularly examine to your soon-to-be-ex wife or spouse calmly and politely. Actually don't make it possible for angered phrases influence your circumstance negatively.

n Basically, this is the most straightforward case of divorce papers. You are extremely blessed if you have this case. You and your lover agree to independent. Right after which, you the two concur on every little thing about kid custody, baby assistance, divorce residence, and alimony. You only require a contract to be signed which is ordinarily organized by a lawyer. But you can get this online as properly, geared up too by a attorney.

n The story of Fireproof is about a pair who was at the verge of separation, divorce, adultery, and knee deep in anger and disappointment in each other. The partner, Caleb identified a location in his coronary heart that did not want his marriage to conclude when he was served with divorce papers. He reached out for support and God answered him in numerous techniques.

n Since obtaining a uncomplicated divorce papers by default is contingent on your serving papers on your spouse, and filing evidence of provider, the relaxation of this short article will give a temporary overview of how to do this in California.

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n Many long lasting files you should hold are health-related information, social security cards, start and dying certificates, relationship and online divorce papers, armed forces providers papers, and taxes. These may well have different files if you have many customers in your household. If you only have two or 3 relatives members, then combine social protection and delivery certificates. Consider to locate a similarity in the groups and mix. Location the files you extremely rarely access in the back again or the base file drawer. Taxes need to be stored for 7 yrs. Question your tax preparer if you assume you have an unusual tax predicament.

[andhumanslovedstories]

an exorcist ficlet where Marcus learns from Mother Bernadette a new style of exorcism, but instead of it being compassion through the word of G-d, it's passion through the lyrics of musicals. Mother Bernadette with a theater troupe is all i'm saying

When Rose asked Harper if she wanted to do some theater thisspring, Harper said no. Then Harper went away, had dinner, fell asleep, had anightmare, woke up, cried for a while, went back to sleep, and called Rose inthe morning. What kind of theater, Harper asked quietly. Quietly was the onlyway she ever asked things.

With other kids, Rose replied.

Did Harper have to, Harper asked.

No, no, no, of course not, Rose assured her.

Harper chewed her lips. She chewed her lips a lot, and herlips looked like it.

“Okay,” Harper said, but quietly, very quietly, so thatmaybe Rose wouldn’t hear her, and then Harper wouldn’t really have to do it.

Rose heard her. She said this was great. She said she’d callthe school right away. She told Harper she was proud of her.

Harper hung up, and tried to figure out the differencebetween excitement and dread.  

The school put on two shows a year, a play in the winter anda musical in spring. Harper missed the play. She’d still been in the hospitalwhile St. Benedict’s had muddled through AMidsummer Night’s Dream. Sister Simone had declared it the theaterdepartment’s greatest production since ByeBye Birdie, the year before. Mother Bernadette, of course, had been officiallysilent on her opinion, but everyone spoke almost in a daze about how she had smiledand given a solemn thumb’s up.

Rose was the one who signed Harper up for theater, but itwas Andy’s idea. “She’s shy and she loves musicals,” he told her after one ofHarper’s check-ins. “It’s a perfect way to get her to hang out with some kidsher own age who aren’t her new siblings.” Harper still wasn’t back in school. Shehadn’t been in school for months, well before CPS took her from her mother’s house,and she refused to go now. Andy taught her and Grace at home; Rose checked inonce a week. It wasn’t a perfect set up but it was going well. Harper had spokento Caleb unprompted just last week. She’d let Verity drag her outside. They’d skippedrocks at the lake. Shelby had given her a piggyback ride home.

(“I have a demon in me,” she’d whispered into Shelby’s back,and his grip had tightened. “Mom tried to get rid of it. That’s why they took meaway.”

Shelby believed in God and The Bible and the literalexistence of demons, but he also had seen the state Harper had been in whenAndy had brought her home from the hospital, and he had prayed with her throughthe nightmares since. He had no doubt there’d been a demon in Harper’s home,but he doubted it had been in Harper.)

Andy walked Harper to the school a few times before theywent it. Andy said Harper didn’t have to go in until she wanted to. Harper wantedto, but she couldn’t. Andy told her that was alright. He texted Father Marcusbefore they set out, then texted him when they got back. Not today, padre, hesent.

That’s fine, FatherMarcus texted back. (Andy did not know how much time those words took, Marcushunched over his flip phone and scowling through his reading glasses whileMother Bernadette silently laughed at him.) Tellher she is always welcome.

(“You’re good with them,” Mother Bernadette told FatherMarcus during what he had dubbed her profane hour, which they spent sharing acup of tea and moaning about their lives.

“Course I am,” he replied as he stole a bit of muffin offher plate. “I’m very charming.”

“Hmm.” She conveyed quite a lot of doubt in one quick hum. Whenhis hand reached back towards her plate, she slapped it away again. “We haven’tgot a theater teacher for the rest of the year, you know.” Father Martin, whoMarcus had been temporarily covering for, had decided in the wake of hispossession and exorcism that life was too short not to take that vacation inBarbados that he’s been dreaming of for three decades.

“Yeah, he sprinted for the airport, didn’t he?” Marcus shookhis head. God knew after two months of cobbling together twelve to eighteenyear olds through Shakespeare, he could understand wanting to take a kip, butfleeing the country seemed excessive. They were good kids. Loud, rambunctious, dramatic,sure, but good.

You could stay on,” she said.

Marcus laughed. Mother Bernadette didn’t. That was whenMarcus realized she was serious.

“I can’t,” he said.

“You have so far,” she replied.

“That was for a job.”

“This is a job.”

“Not my job.”

Mother Bernadette sighed. Marcus was a nice man, when he wishedto be, and more tender than he ought to be by a half, but he did have a horrid martyrdomcomplex. It came with the territory, she supposed. “The world is full ofexorcists, Marcus. Our parish is sorely lacking in theater teachers.” She checkedher watch and used her last moments of speech for the day to say, “God won’tbegrudge you a sabbatical.”

“The Devil might,” Marcus replied, but Mother Bernadetteonly gazed tranquically and silently upon him. The conversation for the day wasover. Silence was, strangely enough, a great way to get the last word.

One week later, Father Marcus announced to his small classthat he was staying on until the end of the year.

The cheers caught him off guard. He never quite knew what todo with approval.)

One day, Andy and Harper walked past the school, and Harpertugged on his sleeve. “What’d you say we go this way today?” Andy said,pretending to be casual and not at all excited and proud. He wasn’t a very goodactor, Harper thought. He wouldn’t do good in theater.

The school was quiet when they walked in, and then louderand louder as they walked back. By the time they were outside the doors to the auditorium,the noise was almost deafening. Even Andy looked concerned by this point. Harperstood on her tiptoes to look through the windows. Sixteen kids sat in a circleon the stage, pounding the floor and screaming while a kid in the centerattempted to breakdance. He wasn’t doing very well until a couple girls grabbedhis legs while he was lying down and helped him spin. “Huh,” said Andy.

“They promise me it’s a real teambuilding activity,” saidFather Marcus behind him. Andy and Harper both jumped. Father Marcus smiledapologetically down at her. He was English and he had a cup of coffee and a bignose. “I take their word for it. Never had anything like this when I was inschool.”

“You’re the theater director?” Andy asked. It didn’t soundlike he’d meant it as a question.

“Interim,” Father Marcus said. “Until the end of the year. Casey’sreally the one running it, her and her sister, they just need a faculty memberto sign off that the kids haven’t started eating each other. You’ll like them,”he said to Harper. “Casey’s looking forward to meeting you. She’s been dyingfor a script supervisor, and I told her you’d be perfect.”

“What’s a script supervisor?” Harper asked.

Father Marcus shrugged. “Beats me. But you’ll be perfect.”

Harper smiled, just a little, and Father Marcus smiled backa lot. The kids in the auditorium all screamed. Harper flinched. Andy rested hishand on her shoulder. Father Marcus sat down on his heels and said, “We’re doingInto The Woods. Have you heard it?”

Harper shook her head.

“Neither had I, till Casey made me listen. It’s good. Schoolonly wants us doing Act One, but Mother Bernadette wants the whole thing, andshe can out argue anyone, even Bennett. She took a vow of silence. Very hard toargue with that.” Father Marcus eyed her. “It’s a good trick, isn’t it? Silence.Holy, if you do it right.”

Harper didn’t say anything.

“Course, yelling’s good too.” He nodded his head towards thedoor. “Which one do you feel like today?”

Yelling, it turned out. It turned out that Harper had beenwaiting a long, long time for a proper scream.

#my fic #the exorcist #marcus keane #what the fuck is harper's last name i can't remember there's no going back #anyway there's one town in america and all the characters live there #arrowhearts

[themessengers-blog]

Does Your Savior Have White Hair?

The Most Amazing Guy is Caleb: Then the people of Judah came to Joshua at Gilgal. And Caleb the son of Jephunneh the Kenizzite said to him, “You know what the Lord said to Moses the man of God in Kadesh-barnea concerning you and me. I was forty years old when Moses the servant of the Lord sent me from Kadesh-barnea to spy out the land, and I brought him word again as it was in my heart. But my brothers who went up with me made the heart of the people melt; yet I wholly followed the Lord my God. And Moses swore on that day, saying, ‘Surely the land on which your foot has trodden shall be an inheritance for you and your children forever, because you have wholly followed the Lord my God.’ And now, behold, the Lord has kept me alive, just as he said, these forty-five years since the time that the Lord spoke this word to Moses, while Israel walked in the wilderness. And now, behold, I am this day eighty-five years old. I am still as strong today as I was in the day that Moses sent me; my strength now is as my strength was then, for war and for going and coming. So now give me this hill country of which the Lord spoke on that day, for you heard on that day how the Anakim were there, with great fortified cities. It may be that the Lord will be with me, and I shall drive them out just as the Lord said.” Then Joshua blessed him, and he gave Hebron to Caleb the son of Jephunneh for an inheritance. Joshua 14:6-13

 Head-Did not grow weak. Still as strong as when he was 40. Strength for fighting, for travel.  Heart-Still loved God. God kept him alive!  Hand-Connect with that Passion that overcomes adversity. Caleb is picture of strength, vitality and power, even after 45 years of enduring the complaints and whining of those Jews, until everyone died off. Most of us could not have lasted a year. Caleb picture of the power of the Holy Spirit, Power of God to conquer the flesh. JOHN ENCOUNTERED THE REAL JESUS ON THE ISLE OF PATMOS. Jesus stood up as judge of the seven churches. The standard of His judgment was His love, as demonstrated by the Golden Sash.

We see that same power only in Divine form when we look at the Real Jesus that John saw on the isle of Patmos. THE GOLDEN SASH is basis for judging churches through the ages. I believe when we stand before Jesus at the Bema seat, He will be wearing His Golden Sash. Revelations 15 reveals that the seven angels will be wearing golden sashes when they pour out God’s full wrath upon the earth. Jesus earned the right to wear the Golden Sash because of His sufferings and sacrifice. It is upon the basis of His sufferings and sacrifice that those who refused Him will be judged. The wrath poured out upon the earth is that which God has stored up since man rejected His Love! The first letter underscored the importance of Divine Love in our service and devotion to our God and Savior. Without agape love, our service, our worship has the danger of taking on selfish concerns. Only when we are willing to risk everything, and join Jesus outside the gate, bearing His reproach, do we have agape love. Jesus set the bar impossibly high. In fact, agape love is impossible in human strength. Agape love is only possible as we abide in Jesus Christ. THE LOVE OF I CORINTHIANS 13 IS IMPOSSIBLE APART FROM JESUS LOVING THOUGH YOU. You may think you can love your wife or girlfriend with Divine love, but apart from Jesus Christ, you are just a clanging cymbal. You can imitate him, you can even sacrifice, but Divine Love is rooted and grounded in Jesus Christ alone! Jesus holds up the Golden Sash to the church at Smyrna. He reveals to them an important aspect of Divine Love. Love means never having to say you are sorry, so we have been told. However, to the church at Smyrna, Jesus says Divine Agape Love means you will suffer. However, Divine Love means you will grow stronger in your suffering. You can be like Caleb! As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. John 15:9  When Jesus tells us to abide in His love, could he be telling us to suffer? In one Cor 13, we all understand that love is patient and kind, but by the time we get to “Love endures all things”, we are exhausted. Surely, there is a point at which we can say ‘enough is enough’. No, Jesus says love endures everything! In other words, someone blasts your reputation, endure it. If you lose your job because of some lies that another spreads, you love them. If someone else causes you economic hardship, you love them. Even if someone causes harm to you or a loved one, you love them. No Jim, you just crossed the line. If someone harmed my child, my grandchild, if someone spoke evil about my family, they have a thing coming. I cannot stand by and let that happen.  I am gonna be like Mattie Ross in “True Grit” and seek justice! You have just failed the Golden Sash test. You have put your concern and feelings before God’s. Divine Love does not make sense. It runs counter to everything we are taught, everything we feel as human beings. That is why I say it is impossible to have Divine Love apart from Jesus Christ. Divine Love is the basis of judgment upon each of these seven churches. Divine Love is the measure applied to each of these seven churches. Each of these churches reveals a facet of Jesus Christ, the Real Jesus. WHITE HEAD & HAIR!

Today we look at the letter to Smyrna. However, before we do, I want to look closer at the Real Jesus that John saw on the isle of Patmos. After John noticed the Golden Sash, he was drawn to note his hair. The hairs of His head were white, like white wool, like fresh snow. “His head and his hair were white as white wool, white as snow.” White hair is the mark of time, exhausted, played out. Normally, white hair is a mark that his days are near an end. It is something impressive when we see a white haired man full of vigor, with full mental capacities, full strength. Here we see Jesus, his vigor and strength in spite of His white hair is a testimony that He has defeated time and all that it means. He outlived it, He has expanded it, and He has triumphed over it. Time means death, death means corruption. However, Jesus, the first and the last, is standing, full of energy, girded with strength and authority. He is full of vigor. He is not an old man worn out by the ravages of time.  Imagine Joan Rivers in six thousand years. His white hair is the mark of eternity triumphing over time. He is the “ancient of days”. (Dan 7) WHAT IS THE SPIRITUAL VALUE OF THAT? We can have vigor until the end of our lives. We need not lose spiritual energy, as we get older. Our love for the Lord need not wane just because of time. No need to die in total exhaustion. The righteous flourish like the palm tree and grow like a cedar in Lebanon. They are planted in the house of the Lord; they flourish in the courts of our God. They still bear fruit in old age; they are ever full of sap and green, to declare that the Lord is upright; he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him. Psalms 92:12-15 THE OUTWARD MAN MAY BE BROKEN, DISEASED, DIMINISHED, BUT WE CAN SHOUT WITH PAUL: We do not lose heart! Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 2 Corinthians 4:16 So let us stop looking for sympathy by saying we are getting old. The white hair of the exalted Christ is a mark of the Vitality and Energy of Divine Love in the midst of sufferings and the ravages of time. HOW DO WE KNOW JESUS CONQUERED THE RAVAGES OF TIME? “His face was like the sun shining in full strength”. Revelation 1:16  We see the Glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. “The sun shining in its strength.” The sun shining knows no resistance, no restraint. The sun does not shrink away in fear from anything. There is no shame that makes the sun want to veil his face. He has no reason to shrink, to hold back, to be afraid, and to be timid. There is boldness, there is assurance, and there is certainty. I think that is what is meant by the sun shining in its strength. The risen Christ has conquered the worst that life can do. He triumphed over pain, the cross, the devil, sin, and death. He defeated all the enemies and He offers victory and the conqueror’s crown. So we see a further aspect of Divine Love in the Church at Smyrna. DIVINE LOVE ENDURES ALL WITH STRENGTH No matter what this life throws at you, does your love for Jesus Christ endure, and even grow in strength? Do you feel as strong in your love for Jesus as you did when you first saw Him as your Savior? THE LETTER TO SMYRNA

Jesus immediately lets the Symrnan’s know “And to the angel of the church in Smyrna write: ‘The words of the first(protos) and the last(eschatos), who died(Nekros-corpse) and came to life(zao). Revelation 2:8 • John tells us that God revealed His Love toward us by sending His only Son to die for us, that we might “LIVE” (zao) through Him! ( John 4:9-11) • Peter also says we are like “LIVING STONES” … being built up as a spiritual house (1 Peter 2:5) • Jesus told the woman at the well that He had “LIVING WATER”! ( John 4:10)  Paul tells us to offer our bodies as a LIVING SACRIFICE… (Romans 12:1)  Jesus wants to bring us LIFE, LIFE that overcomes Suffering and Death! HE WRITES TO THE SMYRNANS:  “‘I know your tribulation [to crush, press, compress, squeeze; evils by which one is pressed, i.e., affliction, distress, calamity. ]  And your poverty (ptocheia means abject poverty, destitution) (but you are rich) and the slander of those who say that they are Jews and are not, but are a synagogue of Satan. Revelation 2:9 This church of martyrdom faced its most intense opposition from those who at one time were closest to God. “Three sources of antagonism to Christians emerge in these seven messages, Jewish (here), pagan (Rev. 2:13+), and heretical (Rev. 2:24+).” The gathering of Christians at Smyrna is “church” ἐκκλησίαις [ekklēsiais] , whereas the gathering of these blasphemers is “synagogue” συναγωγὴ [synagōgē] Persecution by the Synagogue was something that Jesus had promised PERSECUTION FOR TEN DAYS Meaning a complete time: The following reference to “ten days” will confirm the meaning of the term as implying a brief and limited time: Genesis 24:55; Nehemiah 5:18; Daniel 1:12; Acts 25:6; Jeremiah 42:7, etc Meaning 10 persecutions: Prophetically viewed, this church is a picture of the period of time when (according to Foxe’s Book of Martyrs) there were ten separate edicts of persecution from the Roman emperors. It is predicted in this phrase that the Christians would “suffer persecution for ten days.” Historically, there were ten separate persecutions, beginning with the Emperor Domitian in 96 A. D., and continuing to Diocletian, the last emperor before Constantine , the first so-called Christian emperor. The whole period has been termed the “Age of the Martyrs.” It was not the only time Christians have been martyred. (The greatest number of Christians put to death for their faith was not in the 1st century but in the 20th!) However, in this period, they were persecuted in ways almost beyond belief. Their bodies were torn apart on racks. Their fingernails were pulled off, body parts severed. They were hung by their thumbs, oftentimes for days. They were wrapped in animal skins and thrown out for lions to eat or bulls to gore and to pitch around. They were covered with tar and set alight in the gardens to light the festivities of the pagans. If you want the gruesome details get a copy of Fox’s Book of Martyrs and read what some of the early Christians went through. POLYCARP One of the first was a man named Polycarp who was the bishop of this very church at Smyrna. In 155 A. D., at the age of 86, he was sentenced to death by being burnt at the stake for his faith. He was carried before the proconsul, and condemned to be burnt in the market place. The proconsul then urged him, saying, “Swear to Caesar, and I will release thee;–reproach Christ.” Polycarp answered, “Eighty and six years have I served him, and he never once wronged me; how then shall I blaspheme my King, Who hath saved me?” At the stake to which he was only tied, but not nailed as usual, as he assured them he should stand immovable, the flames, on their kindling the fagots, encircled his body, like an arch, without touching him; and the executioner, on seeing this, was ordered to pierce him with a sword, when so great a quantity of blood flowed out as extinguished the fire. But his body, at the instigation of the enemies of the Gospel, especially Jews, was ordered to be consumed in the pile, and the request of his friends, who wished to give it Christian burial, rejected. They nevertheless collected his bones and as much of his remains as possible, and caused them to be decently interred. SWEETNESS IN THE MIDST OF PERSECUTION The risen Christ is one who has experienced the worst that life could do to Him. No matter then what might happen to the Christians at Smyrna or to us, our Savior has gone through the worst life can bring. As such, He is one who feels for us in our suffering with special love and compassion and is ever present to come to our aid and comfort (Heb 4:15). The church at Smyrna knew all too well that their city was named for a sweet smelling perfume, myrrh. This was a gum resin taken from a thorn-laden shrub-like tree. Myrrh can only be produced by crushing the thorny branches until the resin drips out. The very name of Smyrna has a picture of fragrant beauty coming forth from suffering! So it started out as a perfume and then later on was associated with death. And it becomes the picture of suffering in this little church. SMURNA OR MYRRH WAS USED TO TREAT THE DEAD. And it perfectly shows the suffering character of this church, suffering even to death. In order for that thorny tree to yield that fragrance, it had to be crushed. Therefore, you see a little church, the myrrh church, crushed and when it is crushed, it yields the sweet aroma. God permitted Satan to crush them to yield the sweetness of their aroma. It is like a wounded child fleeing to a loving parent. The crushed Christians at Smyrna fled for refuge to the eternal Lord who said, “I understand, I too died and rose again.” So this little church in the town of myrrh was being crushed because of her love for Christ. Unlike Ephesus, apparently, there was no leaving a first love here; there was no waning of first love. They really loved. Therefore, because they really loved they were faithful. Persecution drives the believer to the Savior’s side and keeps first love hot. Therefore, we meet the church, a body of Christ-loving saints destitute, crushed, powerless but sweet, fragrant in the aroma they bring before Christ and us.

I counted dollars while God counted crosses. I counted gain while He counted losses. I counted my worth by the things gained in store, But he sized me up by the scars that I bore. I coveted honors, and sought for degrees. He wept as he counted the hours on my knees. I never knew till one day by a grave, How vain are the things that we spend life to save. I did not yet know, ’til a Friend from above, Said, richest is he who is rich in God’s love! DIVINE LOVE IS A SUFFERING LOVE THAT GROWS SWEETER WITH TIME! We look now at Smyrna, and see that a great suffering has come upon the church there, a period of intense suffering in which it will be necessary to be faithful unto death; and so the Lord, SAYS THAT FIRST LOVE IS SUFFERING LOVE. When you risk it all you really do risk it all! It is indicated by what you will go through for the Lord’s sake and out of love for the Lord, what you will endure, what you will put up with. Suffering love – is first love. Caleb endured 45 years of wandering and battles and grew more in love with God! JESUS GLADLY SUFFERED BECAUSE HE LOVED US  His last Supper And he said unto them, With desire I have desired to eat this Passover (pascha) with you before I suffer (pascho): Luke 22:15  On the Road to Emmaus: Was it not necessary that the Christ should suffer these things and enter into his glory?” Luke 24:26 JESUS KNEW PAUL WOULD SUFFER For I will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name.” Acts 9:16 JESUS SAYS WE ARE BLESSED TO SUFFER  “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “ Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. Matthew 5:10-12  But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; Matthew 5:44  PAUL: Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Romans 12:14  PAUL When reviled, we bless; when persecuted, we endure; when slandered, we entreat. We have become, and are still, like the scum of the world, the refuse of all things. 1 Corinthians 4:10-13  Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, 2 Timothy 3:12 WHEN YOU SUFFER, JESUS SUFFERS AND HE DOES NOT WEARY! And falling to the ground, he heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” And he said, “Who are you, Lord?” And he said, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. Acts 9:4-5 LOOK WHAT PETER & PAUL SAY:  For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? But if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God. 1 PETER 2:20  Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously: 1 PETER 2:23  For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake; PHILIPPIANS 1:29  For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps: 1 Peter 2:21 IGNATIUS: Having come to Smyrna, he wrote to the Church at Rome, exhorting them not to use means for his deliverance from martyrdom, lest they should deprive him of that which he most longed and hoped for. “Now I begin to be a disciple. I care for nothing, of visible or invisible things, so that I may but win Christ. Let fire and the cross, let the companies of wild beasts, let breaking of bones and tearing of limbs, let the grinding of the whole body, and all the malice of the devil, come upon me; be it so, only may I win Christ Jesus!” And even when he was sentenced to be thrown to the beasts, such as the burning desire that he had to suffer, that he spake, what time he heard the lions roaring, saying: “I am the wheat of Christ: I am going to be ground with the teeth of wild beasts, that I may be found pure bread.” THE CATACOMBS It has been said that the lives of the early Christians consisted of “persecution above ground and prayer below ground.” Their lives are expressed by the Coliseum and the catacombs. Beneath Rome are the excavations, which we call the catacombs, which were at once temples and tombs. The early Church of Rome might well be called the Church of the Catacombs. There are some sixty catacombs near Rome, in which some six hundred miles of galleries have been traced, and these are not all. These galleries are about eight feet high and from three to five feet wide, containing on either side several rows of long, low, horizontal recesses, one above another like berths in a ship. In these, the dead bodies were placed and the front closed, either by a single marble slab or several great tiles laid in mortar. On these slabs or tiles, epitaphs or symbols are graved or painted. Both pagans and Christians buried their dead in these catacombs. When the Christian graves have been opened, the skeletons tell their own terrible tale. Heads are found severed from the body, ribs and shoulder blades are broken, and bones are often calcined from fire. But despite the awful story of persecution that we may read here, the inscriptions breathe forth peace and joy and triumph. JULIAN, A NATIVE OF CILICIA, AS WE ARE INFORMED BY ST. CHRYSOSTOM, was seized upon for being a Christian. He was put into a leather bag, together with a number of serpents and scorpions, and in that condition thrown into the sea. DIVINE LOVE IS ENDURING LOVE THERE IS A SCENE IN HEAVEN BEING PLAYED AT THIS VERY MOMENT When he opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of those who had been slain for the word of God and for the witness they had borne. They cried out with a loud voice, “O Sovereign Lord, holy and true, how long before you will judge and avenge our blood on those who dwell on the earth?” Then they were each given a white robe and told to rest a little longer, until the number of their fellow servants and their brothers should be complete, who were to be killed as they themselves had been. Revelation 6:9-11

WE HAVE A LIVING HOPE OF AN INHERITANCE IMPERISHABLE, UNFADING, KEPT IN HEAVEN Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 1 PETER 1:3-7. His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. 2 PETER 1:3-4 CHILDREN IN THEWILDERNESS SHRUNK BACK But Caleb quieted the people before Moses and said, “Let us go up at once and occupy it, for we are well able to overcome it.” Then the men who had gone up with him said, “We are not able to go up against the people, for they are stronger than we are.” Numbers 13:30-31 Then all the congregation raised a loud cry, and the people wept that night. And all the people of Israel grumbled against Moses and Aaron. The whole congregation said to them, “Would that we had died in the land of Egypt! Or would that we had died in this wilderness! Why is the Lord bringing us into this land, to fall by the sword? Our wives and our little ones will become a prey. Would it not be better for us to go back to Egypt?” And they said to one another, “Let us choose a leader and go back to Egypt.” Numbers 14:1-4 none of the men who have seen my glory and my signs that I did in Egypt and in the wilderness, and yet have put me to the test these ten times and have not obeyed my voice, shall see the land that I swore to give to their fathers. And none of those who despised me shall see it. Numbers 14:22-23 … ‘As I live, declares the Lord, what you have said in my hearing I will do to you: your dead bodies shall fall in this wilderness, and of all your number, listed in the census from twenty years old and upward, who have grumbled against me, not one shall come into the land where I swore that I would make you dwell, except Caleb the son of Jephunneh and Joshua the son of Nun. But your little ones, who you said would become a prey, I will bring in, and they shall know the land that you have rejected. But as for you, your dead bodies shall fall in this wilderness. And your children shall be shepherds in the wilderness forty years and shall suffer for your faithlessness, until the last of your dead bodies lies in the wilderness. Numbers 14:28-33  Therefore, let us go to him outside the camp and bear the reproach he endured. Hebrews 13:13 YOUNG SCANDINAVIAN MAN ARRESTED AND JAILED IN IRAN Recanted after 48 hours of solitary. Forty Wrestlers One winter when the Roman emperor Licinius was persecuting the Christians, his Thundering Legion was stationed at Sebaste. Because 40 men in that company had declared themselves believers, they were sentenced to spend the night naked on a frozen pool. A large fire was kindled in a house nearby, and food and a warm bath were prepared for any who would renounce their faith. As daylight faded, 40 warriors continued to resist in spite of the bitter cold—some walking quickly to and fro, some already sleeping that sleep which ends in death, and some standing lost in prayer. These words arose to Heaven, “O Lord, 40 wrestlers have come forth to fight for Thee. Grant that 40 wrestlers may gain the victory!” Finally, one of them could endure the suffering no longer. He left the others and went into the house where Sempronius and his men were on guard. But still the petition went up from those able to speak, “O Lord, 40 wrestlers have come forth to fight for Thee. Grant that 40 wrestlers may gain the victory!” Their prayer was answered. Sempronius the centurion was touched by his comrades’ bravery, and the Holy Spirit moved upon his heart. Declaring himself a Christian, he went to the frozen pond and took the place of the one defector. When the long night was over, 40 glorious spirits, Sempronius among them, had entered into the presence of Christ.

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:35-39 Likes: 3 Viewed:

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excuse this big ass tag dump D:

#( .●. what doens’t kill me ; had better start running .●. )︱{ ERIK } #( .●. i am not a girl ; i’m a storm with skin .●. )︱{ ORORO } #( .●. the hardest part about being strong ; no one asks if you’re okay .●. )︱{ DEAN } #( .●. i like that you’re a little damage ; it shows that you can manage .●. )︱{ SAM } #( .●. she was one of the rare ones ; so effortlessly herself .●. )︱{ RHONDA } #( .●. you’re so brave and quiet ; i forget you’re suffering .●. )︱{ STEFAN } #( .●. monsters are real ; they live inside us ; and sometimes they win .●. )︱{ RIPPER!STEFAN } #( .●. you’re a diamond dear ; they can’t break you .●. )︱{ BONNIE } #( .●. one of the greatest regrets in life ; is being what others want you to be rather than yourself .●. )︱{ EDDIE } #( .●. they interpret her kindness for weakness ; and force her to show her strength .●. )︱{ OLIVIA } #( .●. our fate live within us ; you have to be brave enough to see it .●. )︱{ CALEB } #( .●. you have been assigned this mountain ; to show others it can be moved .●. )︱{ KATARA } #( .●. as with the butterfly ; adversity is necessary to build character .●. )︱{ RACHEL } #( .●. martyrdom does not end something ; it’s only a beginning .●. )︱{ STEVE } #( .●. she wore her scars ; a stunning dress made of hellfire .●. )︱{ YENNEFER }

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Can I Waive Off The Waiting Period In Divorce

The highway to martyrdom is challenging, lonely, and unfulfilling. Just one essential to flourishing right after How To Do A Divorce Online is to put self-care at the best of your priority list. Indeed, I stated the prime. Soon after all, if you are experience depleted and exhausted you are not going to be of a lot guidance to everyone else. You ought to be conscious of your own demands and just take duty for getting treatment of on your own. Your motivation to self-treatment is just one of the most significant presents you can give yourself -- and your young children and loved kinds. Listed here are some approaches to get the ball rolling.

Once you have sought for and get the cooperation of your husband or wife, it is vital that both equally of you see an anger administration divorce papers counselor. Seeing the counselor by yourself is incorrect as the counselor will not be ready to proffer the greatest remedy. But when the counseling session is done with the two of you, it will be less difficult for the counselor to decide the source of anger in the household and propose what the two of you need to do.

Wouldn't it be excellent if there was some variety online divorce of law apply management computer software that permitted you to effortlessly fill out the New York assertion of internet really worth, integrate it with other NY family regulation forms so you don't have to enter the same information a thousand occasions, and then conserve the type in normal digital formats like Term or PDF? Oh wait, there is!

The tale of Fireproof is about a few who was at the verge of separation, divorce, adultery, and knee deep in anger and disappointment in each and every other. The partner, Caleb discovered a spot in his coronary heart that did not want his relationship to end when he was served with online divorce papers. He achieved out for help and God answered him in quite a few techniques.

Do you need to have an lawyer to assist you appear to an agreement with your spouse? Most probably not. With online divorce, you by now have an notion of how you want to split residence, money owed and baby custody. You gained't have an legal professional charging you a cost to explain to you that you need to agree on some issues. What an online divorce service provider will do is prepare the Separation Agreement for you after you have already agreed to the terms. This arrangement is typically involved with most online How To Do A Divorce Online services. There even some that offers a totally free Separation Agreement. All you would have to do is indication and have your wife or husband indicator and get notarized.

Even while you can obtain the divorce variety paperwork for totally free from many internet websites, you will still have to shell out for the How To Do A Divorce Online submitting charges and have a number of files notarized.

The road to martyrdom is hard, lonely, and unfulfilling. 1 important to flourishing following How To Do A Divorce Online is to set self-treatment at the best of your precedence checklist. Yes, I explained the top. Following all, if you are emotion depleted and fatigued you are not heading to be of considerably guidance to anybody else. You ought to be aware of your very own needs and get accountability for using treatment of on your own. Your motivation to self-treatment is a single of the most essential items you can give yourself -- and your kids and liked types. Below are some approaches to get the ball rolling.

You can simply locate out hundreds of approaches to spice up your partnership. If you are at a decline, divorce papers check with your close friends, study books and magazines, or browse the Net for contemporary ideas.

I was last but not least able to come across a lawyer shortly thereafter, by keeping at a motel and asking my sister for assist. Time was jogging small, and if I didn't get the paperwork in, he would get anything he wanted. I filled out my possess paperwork just in case my law firm couldn't get it carried out on time, staying taunted the complete time by my husband telling me he was going to get everything. He told me that the past factor I would ever get out of him was my divorce papers.

online divorce is a tough time for all relatives customers and pressure stages can operate particularly substantial. The largest stress can be what to do with the family property. It is dependent on the mortgage loan wording as to which lover receives to remain in the home and which has to depart. If the bank loan is only in one particular identify, that human being automatically gets the house, as prolonged as they can find the money for to make the mortgage loan payments. Nonetheless, if there are joint signatories, one partner may possibly obtain out the fairness belonging to the other or it can be marketed and rented out.

Serving How To Do A Divorce Online papers is commonly dealt with by your regional Sheriff. There are also personal corporations that take care of this for you as very well. These firms work wonderful, particularly when you are executing an Online Divorce. You can discover them by undertaking a Google search on serving divorce papers. This will give you a listing of divorce provider processors. A divorce support processor will follow the similar techniques your neighborhood Sheriff Division follows and will provide the court docket with the necessary evidence the paperwork was served to the defendant.

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How Do I Get Out Of Post Divorce Depression

The street to martyrdom is challenging, lonely, and unfulfilling. One important to thriving immediately after mouse click the following internet site is to place self-treatment at the best of your precedence list. Of course, I claimed the prime. Soon after all, if you are emotion depleted and exhausted you are not heading to be of considerably guidance to any individual else. You must be informed of your individual demands and get duty for getting care of your self. Your dedication to self-care is just one of the most critical items you can give oneself -- and your kids and loved types. In this article are some techniques to get the ball rolling.

The New York court process gives online mouse click the following internet site forms so that need to make it simpler to fill out the New York assertion of internet well worth, right? They have a PDF edition, but it's not a fillable PDF. In reality it's merely a quite bad scan of a paper form you will nevertheless have to print out and full by hand. They present a Word Ideal version. Genuinely? Phrase Perfect? That's practically as old as the quill pen. Lastly they present an Omni-Variety model, but that doesn't perform with net browsers other than Web Explorer plus the "document" you conserve is really an executable file that is made up of the Omni-Type application. Numerous e-mail systems gained't accept.exe attachments so you will be unable to ship the kind to any individual.

Many most of us have a issue as, if my husband just isn't prepared for marriage breakage, is that you will be capable to get divorce papers and a way to proceed? Each soul has the right to split the wedding ceremony, no matter of the truth that with this abides. Implanted perform to encourage the girlfriend if it is terrible, then routinely 1 can get divorced. From time to time, the appellate terminology is right after they refuse to respond to the petition or didn't adequately reply significantly far better summon.

online divorce is a challenging time for all family customers and tension amounts can run particularly substantial. The most important fear can be what to do with the household property. It is dependent on the home loan wording as to which lover will get to remain in the residence and which has to depart. If the financial loan is only in one name, that person automatically gets the home, as prolonged as they can afford to pay for to make the mortgage payments. On the other hand, if there are joint signatories, 1 associate might buy out the equity belonging to the other or it can be sold and rented out.

If it is a joint credit score card account, then you and your partner will be similarly liable for the personal debt. The credit rating card company will not give any significance to the mouse click the following internet site decree. The creditor will only contemplate the credit score card agreement which you and your partner have signed even though opening the account. The divorce decree will not make the signed credit card settlement null and void. This principally indicates that if your partner does not spend off the debt, then the creditor will arrive right after you for the payment. You'll be lawfully liable to spend again the money to your creditor.

Another one of the big triggers of mouse click the following internet site is unhappiness. Occasionally people conclusion up acquiring married because they are expecting or for another factors that is not a fantastic 1 for relationship. This can direct to an unhappy marriage and can lead to the pair to conclude up finding divorced faster rather than later on. A lot of marriages conclusion in divorce since 1 or the two associates are just not delighted.

By keeping with each other you have made a decision on using the motion of producing a powerful dedication to your relationship. You divorce papers should comprehend that this is not your dedication by yourself. Every troubled partnership has difficulties on both sides to take care of. It is not sensible journey the uncomplicated path by steering clear of the issues. Assault them head on. Then the difficult get the job done and honesty, devoid of that usually partners will tumble again into their outdated behaviors. It is advised that partners attend joint relationship counseling, and also in some scenarios money counseling.

If that fails, try to make contact with relatives and friends who may know where your husband or wife is, the last-acknowledged employer, and the County Tax Assessor. If nothing at all will work, then you can continue by Publication of Summons for your basic divorce papers.

The story of Fireproof is about a pair who was at the verge of separation, online divorce, adultery, and knee deep in anger and disappointment in every single other. The spouse, Caleb discovered a area in his coronary heart that did not want his marriage to conclude when he was served with divorce papers. He reached out for help and God answered him in a lot of approaches.

Once you have sought for and get the cooperation of your wife or husband, it is vital that both of you see an anger management counselor. Observing the counselor alone is improper as the counselor will not be able to proffer the very best online divorce option. But when the counseling session is completed with the two of you, it will be less difficult for the counselor to decide the supply of anger in the house and suggest what the two of you really should do.